How Men Think with Tyler Stanaland

and selling houses. I'm fourth generation surfer and fifth generation real estate. So whether I wanted to or not, those are probably gonna be fields that I had some sort of involvement in. UM, and luckily I love both of them. Who are you in personal life? Who are you in your personal life? UM? Who am I in my personal life? It's a tough question. I would say. In my personal life, I'm probably I like an introverted extrovert. I love to be social, but I also like to come home and

be with myself. UM. I spent a lot of time at the beach. UM. That's kind of like my my church. I guess I need the ocean or I become a grumpy Human. Three shows you are binge watching well number one selling the d O C. I binged it. You should binge it. That's great. I also just binged alone, which is so fascinating that people are able to survive in the wilderness for months at a time with no help or intervention unless they have some sort of medical emergency.

That was mind blowing. And I got sucked in um. And then lastly, let's see, I actually just saw that Ozarks had new episodes, and I just started diving out. I watched the first two seasons, and then I somehow just forgot about it and started watching last night, and I'm already hooked on the latest seasons. Let's see, what is my favorite food? My favorite foods probably I don't know. I'm still like a five year old. So my favorite

food is probably French fries. If I'm in a restaurant, I'll order French fries no matter what, Like with a salade with a burger, I get an actually side of fries. I just I feel like you can't eat at a restaurant without ordering fries. Tell us about my career. So my career is I am a surferd I'm also in real estate. My main focus now is in real estate UM, and I've been in the business for a long time. I had license when I was I've got licensed twelve or thirteen years ago now. And UM it's kind of

the family trade. So when I was in high school, my family had a brokerage. I was working in the office. Kind of is just like a water boy, but I was just exposed to a lot, which really benefited my career long term. And then I worked with the family UM for a number of years and now I'm at the appan end group. What is your biggest fear in life? Oh, maybe sharks, and they spent a lot of time in the ocean, and I still have a pretty healthy fear of sharks. Um. I love them as animals, but I'm

still terrified of them. What's your biggest pet peeve? My biggest pet peeve is loud chewers. I don't know why we can't just chew with our mouth closes. We're taught at a very young age to keep our mouth closed. But people that are chewing at them out that win and talking and you're seeing the food and food is flying. It's a It's an ick for me. It's a major hick. Um. What makes me most happy the beach and the ocean.

It's something that was fortunate. I was fortunate enough to grow up in Laguna Beach and the beach was kind of like our playground, and so every day after school we were surfing and skin boarding and fishing. And UM, it is a place that I need and a place that makes me a better me and something that was a huge part of my life. UM, and that I hope I never have to live without. UM. What is

your ideal Saturday morning? When ideal Saturday morning with me to wake up and go surfing, come home, have coffee, breakfast, maybe go for a workout, go for a run or something. UM, not much of like a like a weightlifter or like June kind of guy, but physical activity of some sort, and then maybe back to the beach if it's a nice day. Um. As you can see, I'm very boring and just like to spend my time at the beach. Are you more of an athlete or an armchair quarterback?

I would say athlete probably. I want to be like in there with the action doing it. But I will say I'm not a quarterback. Um. You'll see in selling BOC. I don't know if it's in there or not, but I try to throw a football and I've never really thrown a football, and it was about as bad as it gets. It looked like I threw it with my with my left arm or something. It was crazy. So luckily if it's if it's football, I might be an armchair quarterback. Um. What keeps me motivated? Um? A lot

of things keep me motivated. I I'm motivated by you. My dad is a very successful reader in Orange County, so I've got some big shoes to feel. That motivates me. Um. But personally, I'm just usual. I'm a driven person. I'm very goal oriented and I set high standards, so I'm constantly trying to be more than what I've already accomplished. And I'm not easily satisfied with myself in a healthy way, so I would say myself. Yeah, So that was eleven questions with me. We're gonna take a quick break and

we'll be back with some line of colors. Hey, everyone, welcome back to Premier Break. I'm Tyler stand Land from Selling the OC. Your your guest host today of How Men Think? And um, let's jump into some lot of colors. Hi, Brenda, how are you? I'm good? How are you? I'm good, I'm good. What's going on? Uh? Well, I'm feeling discouraged, just like in general about all dating at all. Um. I tried this dating you know, the dating app you go on in and you delete in whatever, the whole cycle,

and my it's just not working. My friend put me on a double date and it went really well, but then like two days later he was like, I'm not feeling it, and I don't. I like that, Like, I'm glad that he told me so fast, but also like, how do you know if you don't like me with one? I just think this happens a lot. We're we all have these high expectations and so we're saying no so fast, and what if we miss something? How do I deal

with that? I could not agree more. I think it's funny too, because I think now with dating apps and social media, there's almost like it's almost like you're a kid in the camps. Whether there's so many options that even though you really like twigs, you're still looking at like the kit kats and the butterfingers, and it's all to the options that it's confusing. So it is tough. I mean, have you reached out to see if maybe there was a spark for a second chance or something? Uh?

And I mean no, I feel like I wouldn't be able to do that. That would be really embarrassing because I got rejected. It's I'm rejected. He doesn't want me, and now what do? What else am I supposed to do? I get that, I get that sometimes sometimes those guys are I mean, I don't know this. I know with with me personally, sometimes guys are shy and and it's attractive when a girl takes a shot. But I don't know, at least at the very least, maybe better to find

out now than later. And at some point you'll meet somebody in the grocery store or or on a dating app that you know, we'll want a second date and the third date. So what you're saying is I have no control or the situation. You just have to let go kind of and when you know, you know, and when they know, they'll know. And unfortunately it's just dating

is tough. It's a it's a wild ride. But you will find that person, and that person will find you, and it will make all these experiences worth it, all right, I'll hold you to that. Okay, perfect? Hey Zoe, how are you? I'm good? How are you? I'm good? I'm good. What's going on? Well, I just got into a new relationship with someone I knew from college. I mean, we're currently living in different states, so you know we're doing this long distance. Um. He's not a big social media

guy yet. The last three out of his five posts on Instagram are of his ex girlfriend. His ex girlfriend, Yeah, they're a mixture. I mean I didn't look like they were from a long time ago, but you know they weren't this week, so you know. I asked him to take them down, but he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to make her feel bad. So then I said, hey,

why don't you post some of me instead? And he suppose he doesn't like to post on his Instagram, Like, um, I add a line here to be upset about this, Like, how do I get him to take these photos down? Yeah? See, social media is a tricky thing, and it's something that you know, previous generations didn't have to deal with, but it is a factor in dating. Are they are they

close friends still? Because because because I've dated people that you know, they end up their exes end up being best friends and they're really close and it can feel awkward at times, but truly it is just a friendship. Is it that sort of a same situation or is it unclear? Yeah? Yeah, I think it's probably that, but I don't really believe in that being a good thing, you know. Yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, it works for

some it doesn't for others. I mean, if he is, it's something that you just got to communicate and tell him why. And if he's not receptive to it, then maybe that's something that leads to a further conversation of you know, what makes sense for you both long term, because ultimately, you want somebody that chooses you, and you know, you don't want something to cut their their friends out. But also if you're gonna invest your time with somebody, you want them to, you know, reciprocate in ways that

make you feel safe. Yeah that's great, Thank you? Yeah? How the else? Thanks? It? Does I have to talk to them all? Right? Well? Thank you? Zoe? Thanks by right, Hi, Testa, this is Tyler. How are you okay? What's going on? Let's hear it? Okay? Um? This is hard? Uh, So my girlfriends and I were out the other night and we ran it was like a girl's night out, you know, we do this every few months, and we ran into, um,

we ran into some of my husband's buddies weirdly enough. UM. And then we just sort of joined us and kind of tagged along with us for the rest of the night, which was kind of fun. It wasn't expected. It was stung. We're all having a good time. Um. And then later, uh, we were all dancing on dance floor and just out of nowhere, one of his friends kissed me. And but that's honestly, that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that I kissed him back, and um, for

what is worth, I was. I was a little buzzed. I mean, I know that's not an excuse, but I just wanted to add that. And I feel like garbage. I feel like absolute garbage. Um. But so later that night, UM, he texted me just you know, begging me not to tell my husband, obviously because they're really good friends and and I don't know what to do. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I don't like keeping things from my husband. We don't have that kind of relationship, you know.

But at the same time, I'm I'm terrified to telling him. I mean this, I don't want to lose him. I don't want to get a divorce. I don't know what to do. I also don't want to hurt him, you know. So it's like, maybe it's better if I don't tell him because it didn't mean anything. You know, it was just a stupid mistake and it's never gonna happen again. And I don't even know it's if it's just one of those things I can just bury and never you know,

pretend it never happened. But I'm also scared because it was his buddy. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I totally get that. I totally get that. I think it is sticky because even though it didn't mean anything, it still happened, and it affects your relationship. I think, you know, I don't know your relationship and the dynamic between you and your husband. So I'll just speak for myself. I think if I was your husband,

I would rather know than not know. And then if I found out, you know, years down the road, it may feel like a bigger deal. Then if it was like a Hey, things got out of control, made a mistake. I am so sorry. Never gonna happen again. You know, I think I think that typically honesty with me is always still best policy, and it tends to hurt less. It might see a bit at first, but at least at least you can sleep at night knowing that you know, I was told sort of a thing. Um. But but

it is tough. It's tough, I think, yeah, I think, yeah, it's one of those things I wish that there was I wish it was something that I could give you a yes or no, this is the right or wrong thing. But it's it's a situational thing. But if it was me, I would like to know. I think it's it's extra complicated because it is his friend and it was so stupid, and it mean what you're saying, it's actually my gut instinct. I mean, I want to tell him, but I'm just

so terrified of seeing his face. And I'm also terrified of him changing how he feels. This is changing how he feels about me. And but you know, if this was a stranger, I feel like, well I could probably keep this, you know, bury it, and keep this my secret. The rest of my life. But even though his friend is begging me right now not to tell him, what if one day he does decided to tell him. I don't know, I mean, but I also don't want to ruin their friendship, and it's God, what have I done? Yeah,

I hear you. So I had a similar experience in the workplace where somebody tried to kiss me. But I think the biggest difference there was just even though nothing happened, I still felt the need to communicate it to my partner, and it made a big difference in our relationship just knowing what happened. I think having it not knowing can sometimes create a bigger issue. If that. Do you think that you think I'm gonna Do you think my marriage is in jeopardy over this? Do you think that's the

thing I'm scared of the most? Yeah, I mean, I don't know the dynamic of your marriage. I I think I would have an easier time if my partner came to me and said I made a mistake. I kissed somebody meant nothing. It was like one second we were dancing and things were crazy. But I don't know, you know, I don't know how he would react. I don't know the long term history there, but um, in my opinion, honesty is always the best policy. Yeah, it's time, but

that's just that's that's what I would do. You're you're pretty much, You're pretty much. Yeah, it's it's pretty much how I feel. You're you're sort of validating. But thank you, of course, of course I hope that helps and hopefully everything works out. Oh yeah, thanks, all right, Tessa, It's Tyler Standel And how are you good? Are you good? I'm good? What's going on? How how can we help today?

So I am thirty two and I'm single, and I'm just in a place where all my friends are married, they're starting to have kids, and I just find myself getting invited to more bridle and baby showers that actually out to like dinner and drinks. You know. I've been trying the apps, but I just have not had a lot of success on them. And I try to go out, but I just don't have very many friends willing to just go out and grab a drink with me anymore.

I'm just wondering, like if you can help me, Like, what are some other ways I can try and meet men beside the apps? And bars. That is a good question because so I'm thirty three, I'm married, and I would say my friends are fift split between being married and having like a whole herd of children and still out at the bars. So um, it's tough. Do you like, what are what sort of hobbies do you enjoy doing? Well, I'm really into fitness, you know. I like to meet

the gym, I like to hike. Um, but it's really hard because when you go to the gym, everyone's kind of in their zone and no one really wants to approach you, especially you know, out here. So it's just challenging to to meet someone. Yeah. Yeah, I would say maybe in the gym. I mean, guys, guys are shot, guys are we're like, we're the worst if we were. Most of us have another game, myself included, like zero game.

So sometimes if you see a guy that you have your your eye on, maybe you make the first move, which isn't you know, the norm or what we're used to, But sometimes that's what it's going to take to make somebody, you know, come talk to you. Yeah. No, that's a great idea. I just have to work up the nerve to do it. It's not the easiest thing. Yeah, I believe being being married. I do not miss that. So it's never good at it and I just yeah, but

sometimes that is what it takes. And maybe in the gym or you know, maybe hiking, maybe as you're passing by somebody, some stubble walk by and you'll ask them what time it is or something. I don't know. Don't just don't be afraid to make the first move. I think, thank you, I'll try, I'll try. It sounds good, thank you, thank you. Hi, Hi Mary, how are you good? Thanks for Colin? Sure? What's um? What's going on? Okay, So

here's the deal. Um, my boyfriend and I we've been together for three years and he wants us to buy a house together. Um. Our finances so far are completely separate, and I just feel like that is like a huge, major first financial commitment together. And his thinking is kind of like, I'm not taking our relationship seriously because I have hesitations about that. So I guess I'm just wondering if you guys have any advice for like an am

married couple an unmarried couple trying to buy a house together. Well, good thing you should ask. I am a realtor, so that actually works out well good. That is a big decision, both financially and relationally. Um, do you are their plans to be married or you guys still trying to figure it out. I mean, I feel like we're in it to win it, but we're not engaged. So you know, would you if you were engaged, would it make the

decision ultimately easier to buy a house? I mean a little bit, just because there's a commitment there that as boyfriend and girlfriend isn't there is that financial big steps So yeah, well, if you're in it to win it, then I mean maybe it wouldn't be the worst say to you to have a conversation with him and say like, hey, baby, I'm in this. You know you're in this. We we want to start a family or or just buy a house,

start a future. But it feels weird to combine our finances and invest in something that we're paying off for the next thirty years when my left finger is still very barren. You know. Yeah, do you think that? How do you think he would react to something like that? I mean, I I don't really know, because to me, it's like, if you want to move in together, then like what difference does it? Like might as well get married,

But I don't know. I feel like maybe he's like a little bit weird about marriage because of like his situation with his parents being divorced and all that stuff. I mean, I I don't know, it's kind of a sticky situation. I guess that makes sense. So do you do you guys not currently live together now? We do live together now, but we rent okay? Cool? Yeah, I mean it's a big decision and it made Marriage isn't for everyone either, but you know, buying a house is

essentially the same thing. You're locking yourself into something for you know, most times thirty years, So you gotta really like the person and they got to stick it out

with you, yea, So maybe a conversation. I don't know, that's that's that's a tough one, but that way, at least if you can communicate on both sides and no one has left feeling resentful or like, you know, out to dry right well, And I guess I too, also, Like it sounds crazy to say because we're not married, but like I want to make sure we're both like legally protective, like both of us, so neither one can like screw the other one with like up, we're leaving

you with a thirty your mortgage. You're stuck, so totally totally. Yeah, it's a big it's a big commitment on both sides. And if you guys are you know, if you're both in it, it's an awesome thing. And if you're not, then yeah, somebody could get stuck with a big bill for sure. All Right, Well, if we find a place, I'll make sure I send you the specs so you can give me a real brain on it. Send you over to me. I will give you all the info I have. Okay, great, all right, and Mary, thank you

so much. Thanks. Well, that wraps it up. Thanks for all your calls today. We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back. Well, come back from your break. I'm your guest host today. Tyler stand Land on how men think we are going to get into the Q and A. Now, um, how did you and your wife Brittany me? We we actually met? What's funny? Are? Essentially I slid into her d M with the worst pickup line possible. I she was at an event and she

looked amazing, and I said, behave town. USA population you and it took I took a couple of days to respond. It was so lame, but she did and I redeemed myself with a couple of lines. But um, oddly enough, we actually had a few, well a few, A couple of our exits dated and so we were like aware of each other, and there was this weird that it was like the universe was like pushing us together, kind

of from in a strange way. But yeah, really bad pickup line, and somehow she responded, Um, what was your first date? Like? With Brittany? My first date was super was scary. All for states are scary, um, but even more scary because I started off on a weird foot with a bad pickup line. And then you know, I was so nervous. I barely spoke. And luckily she's very outgoing and lovely and kind of carry the whole conversation until I could drink enough margaritas to formulate sentences. Um,

so I was super nervous. Um, when did you know she was the one? I knew she was the one pretty quickly. She's very She's an incredible human. She's smart and funny and down to earth and just the most lovely human ever and like nobody I've ever met, so it was very quick to know she was the one you married in twenty What is one thing you've learned in marriage that you feel like might help other couples. UM, I think you just have to to laugh. I think

marriage will teach you to laugh. When we got married, it was there was a potential at that point, it was a potential pandemic loom ng And we got married in l A, which is usually eighty two degrees and Sonny and for some reason that day it was a high of fifty and it was raining and it was cold, and kind of everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong, and we just kind of had to laugh. And so it was just a good lesson. Right after that, you know, we canceled our honeymoon. It was just one

of those funny things. And I think that's something that marriage teaches you, is you just have to find somebody that you want to make it through those times with. UM. How are you approached to do the show? I was approached, well, I was approached from producers UM initially, and then I was kind of talking with Jason about coming to the Brokery. So it was kind of a combination between going to the up and hand group and then also a production

knowing that they were trying to cast this show. Um, and they both just kind of aligned at the same time, which was which was a good time. Um. How has the intention shifted towards you since the show aired? Um, that's tough. I mean the show has only been out for a little bit now, and UM, I think we're all just kind of riding this way and all doing interviews for the first time in podcasts and things like that.

So it is it's a strange change, and we're all dealing with trolls on the internet and keyboard warriors and and things that you know, we didn't ever face previously. Um, but I don't know if things feel different ultimately, I'm still you know, selling real estate and being able to go surf and see my friends and so nothing has really changed yet, which feels nice. Um. Where does your friendship with Kayless stand now? Kayla and I are totally fine right off the bat, right away, we swashed it.

And I think in the show spoiler alert you'll kind of see my frustration that it almost feels like the Kalis situation is being used as a weapon to kind of solid drama or create drama amongst clicks. UM and so Kayle and are fine. We've been fine, we communicated. Our friendship has a a big, you know wall but between it now, but we're good. I don't know that it will ever be what it once was, and that's okay. But that's where we stand and it's healthy and good.

UM onto some dating relationship questions. Why is it hard for men to express their feelings? I think it's a good question. I think I think it's hard for men to express their feelings because we always want to be tough and we're taught to, you know, suck it up and not be a worse um whatever whatever we're taught. Younger, I think I think we're starting to see though, a lot of change around mental health, and specifically with men and their mental health, which is awesome and something that

has been needed for a long time. That it's okay to share your your feelings. UM. But you know, in some cases, maybe people are just quiet, like I just I'm just quiet, and I'm I'm not quick to speak. I'll have to sit with something and think about it, and sometimes you gonna write it down before I can express it the way that I want to. So that's that's the other thing too. Sometimes people just express feelings differently, and it's important in dating to find somebody that communicates

similarly to you, or somebody will be left feeling resentful. Um. Do men like when women play hard to get? Some men? Yes. Some men love the chase and they always want it, and the minute they don't have it, it's like this instinctual thing where they need something else to go to chase others it will drive him crazy. Personally, I don't like the chase. I hate the chase. I think it's stupid. I don't want to play games. If you like me and I like you, why are we running? Let's just

you know, hang out. So but some men do. Some men love it. I think it's an instinctual thing. I think it's like it goes back to the hunter, like the hunter gatherer instinct or something. Um. What is the proper amount of time to wait to go on a date with somebody that used to date a friend? That's tricky? Um? I would say never, Well, it depends on the friend.

When I was younger, I dated a friends ex girlfriend and it was just the worst it was for no reason, and he was a good buddy of mine, and I didn't know how long, how much time had passed, or how close they really were when they dated. We were close growing up and then kind of went our own ways, and then I started dating with this girl, and then once I was dating or the damage was done and

luckily now we're great friends. And I apologized, but kind of one of those things where you don't really double dip if you love your friend enough, m or it's worth having a conversation with. My opinion is there is never enough time. It's a no go, red flag, don't do it. Why do men seem to want what they can't have? I think he goes back to the chase. I think men like to accomplish things, and I mean

Pete like to accomplishing. But I think it's in a man's DNA to want to accomplish and create and be the alpha. And when they don't have something and they're able to find a way to get it, it like takes this instinctual thing, this instinctual box um. But that's another thing that's that goes back to the chase. And I don't I don't have that any luckily. Um, does a man having a status career play a role in when they might want to settle down or does it

depend on the right partner. That's a tough question. I think it. I think it depends on the right partner. And sometimes the right partner is willing to stick it out with you while you guys are you know, still growing in your careers. But there are certain industries in which you know, men and women have to put their their head down and really focus. Um. You know, let's

say you work on Wall Street or you're an attorney. Um, there's so much you're you live in an office, and there's so much that you have to do and accomplished before you have the flexibility and freedom. But when you meet to the right person and you know it, it's pretty hard to put anything else in front of them, especially if you're both choosing each other and making each other a priority. Then you know what kind of shifts. But I will say, you always want to choose somebody

that choose your back. Somebody hasn't chosen you and you are chasing them. It's not a great feeling. So choose somebody that chooses you. Well, that is the end of the Q and a thank you so much for calling in today. I again am your guest host, Tyler stand A Land on How Men Think. Um. Please check out Selling BOSC on Netflix and if you want to see more on the scenes or more about me, you can

find me on Instagram at Tyler stand A Land. I hope I was able to give some sort of helpful info and I hope you have a great rest of your day. This is How Men Think and I Heart Radio London Audio Production. Listen each Thursday on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Poe Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.