How Men Think with Jerry O’Connell and Akbar Gbajabiamila

Most of you can say, most of you the same, but a lot of people can't spell it. It took me to the second grade to learn how to spell my last. That's a true story. That's a true story. All right, Um, we're so happy to be guest hosting How Men Think. We're gonna answer all your questions and solve the fascinating question of how man thinks. So first, this is eleven Questions with Akbar and Jerry. Let's get

right into it. Jerry, you ready, let's go. You know, so you know, we've been having a lot of fun on the Talk as as hosts. UM So tell tell, tell the listeners out there. What are you known for? Tell us about yourself? UM I a strange question. I can answer it. I'm Garry O'Connell. Um I. Uh I was a young actor. I was in a movie stand by Me, UM when I was younger, and it was kind of a cult classic. You know, it did h big hit, Yeah, kind of, you know, I think it

was a cult class. It is a cult classic. I mean it's not like it's not like Titanic. I don't think it like like it's not et you know, it's not like you know, Independence Day. I don't think it was like a huge financial hit, but it was like it's it was made the thirty over three, two years ago when people are still talking about it. But um, I didn't really act that much as a kid actor. I went to college and um I really got busy

again as an actor. UM out of college in my twenties and uh I acted in a few TV shows, a sci fi show called Sliders, a cop show called Crossing Jordan's UM and UH did a bunch of movies kangaro Jack with UM did you know after the first movie? After your first movie you knew, like this is the path that larta for the rest of my life. You know, Um, I knew I felt most comfortable on a set like

I felt. Um, when I was a kid, everyone was like at school, I was always getting in trouble for speaking out of turn or you know, just being a crazy kid. And when I was on a set on stand by Me, you know, the director was like, no, we want you to be crazy in the scene, like keep talking, do it. And I remember thinking, I mean it was like a light went off my head, like wow, I haven't been crazy. I just needed to find my crowd.

And uh, I um, I've been acting for years and uh about ten years ago, right first, when I met you, I started to get a little more into the talk show stuff. Um, with Kelly Rippa, I co hosted with with her a lot, and then with Wendy Williams. I co hosted with Wendy Williams a lot, and then um, this opportunity came up on the talk earlier this year. I mean, I've only you know, it's it's funny. I

I came on and March. I mean bar was here in August, you know, I mean like it's just you know and this is it's a great thing because as we were guest co hosting, it was so comforting to know that, oh, they bring I was like somebody that I know, you know, and I thought, you know, I should be paying you ten percent. No, but I thought it was very helpful to have somebody that you know, that you're familiar with, you know. I mean, especially when

you're in a new format. It's different from doing you know, the other shows that I've done before, So it was very helpful to kind of like, oh, yeah, I know jury, Oh this is great. So yeah, I mean it is and it is funny doing a talk show. It's totally different. It's and and it's so funny too, because I've done a couple of talk shows. Now, um, this uh, this talk show is completely different because there's like five voices, so you it's not so much even when you're saying something,

it's knowing when to not say something. You know. It's um, it's really interesting. It's um. It's been a fun run. And I gotta tell you, I love I love being up there with you. You're you're so um your background, your story, I mean, I'm I'm a I'm a fan of sports. So I'm so happy to have a former NFL player up there. I mean, it's just that's mine played before. I played one in a movie. I certainly didn't come close to playing one in real life. I

just played one on TV. But it's so fun. And your stories, um, you know, the your history that you pull from. Um. You know obviously when you talk about you know, your time in the NFL and getting to the NFL and playing in a deep one school and all that stuff is um is very exciting for me. But um, really, what I find maybe the most interesting is your childhood and where you're from and your family

and um, where you're from, tell us about that. You know, so many people, you know, they hear the last name, and they hear the first name, they go, well, where are you from? And it's a it's a really rich story because my parents came to America from Nigeria. My father came in seventy four, my mom came in like sixty nine, and they came like the movie Coming to America.

They came to America to have a better life, better dream. Well, actually, in comeing to America, they were rich, so it wasn't Maybe that's not a good comparison, but they came over here for a better life. And I grew up in a household that was rich with Nigerian culture. But I also had like essentially like a split personality, not the medical term split personality, and that when I went to school, I had to be the American kid because back then,

you know you're being made fun of. You know, you know you're different, right, And so I lived and balance in that world. But it gave me so much perspective, Like that duality, not only the duality of you know, growing up in an African American neighborhood, of growing up in a Nigerian household. My parents had a different religion. My father was Muslim, my mom Christian. So I grew up going to the mosque saying a lawak bar and then saying praise God and Jesus, you know what I mean.

So that having that type of perspective, I think it's made me. It's such a well rounded person, uh, an empathic person. You know, you know I do send maybe more than um other people, but I tend to be very empathetic towards people. UM. And it's just really because of that that duality and growing up grow been a mixed family, although we were never able to say, you know, step brothers or anything like that like that was that that term still sounds unfamiliar to me, but that's um.

So it's given me a different perspective in life. And you know, then sports and being in a big community so big family seven uh seven uh um six sevengs seven of us total, and then being in a big spot like basketball and then football. Um, the team perspective has always been. I've always been about you know that that team environment. I love a team like. That's why the talk environment works for me because it's not a one man show, two men. I mean, it's a it's

a team. It's legit what I call it our starting five. I was referred to as their starting five. But it's impacted me now as as a father and and just making sure that you know, my kids are well rounded. Um it's you know a lot of people don't know this about me, but you know that well roundedness carried on into my you know, my love or Try album. I've done forty countries. I have a goal, by the grace of God, one day to see you know, two hundred plus countries. I want to go I've been to

five continents. Um, I should have done Australia. About my wife said I can't go without her, So I haven't done that trip. But I want to go to Antarctica in Australia, so I would complete seven continents. But I still need to do the other countries as well. But crazy, Yeah, did your you you say you're one of seven and you're on the younger side. Yeah, I'm number six or seven. Um, did your older siblings did they guide? Did they help you? Did they? Yeah? My oldest brother who's always really like

you know, a third parent. Um, as my parents were hustling, we didn't grow up with a lot of means, and so my oldest brother fully was always um, you know, in charge of us and helped raise us and you know, get us to where we need to get get to. And you know, when he started working, he would always hook us up with is you know, hand me down.

But his hand medals were fresh because he had his own money, you know, right, so we you know, we could always resteal some of his stuff because he had the cool Raiders jacket that you know, I got Jack four one day and that was Yeah, there's a remember there was an era in a time period where if you wore a Raiders jacket, first off, you were cool, but you would also get jack fo you lose your life wearing a Raiders jacket back in the in the

nineties or late eighties, early nineties. And I remember I got jacked. I was so mad. How old were you when you got jacks for your Raiders jack? Oh? Boy? It was in middle school, so it was like seventh pagers. I must have been thirteen four tix. Crazy because I know you as someone who is six six two fifty. Yeah, and you're the last person I would jack anything off. Yeah, but when you have a weapon, your size doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter. Yeah, but that so, so a weapon was drawn on you for your Raider from a Raiders jacket. That's a traumatic experience. Yeah, yeah, it is. It is a traumatic experience. But you know, you do learn from those experience and makes you more vigilant, more hyper aware where you are in space. I mean, I mean, I'm not saying I'm just starting to ask what could you have done differently? And in that situation, we know where

to be, you know. And it's like it's funny that you say that because my wife is always getting on me now until today, Like when we go to a restaurant, I sit with my back, um, you know, on my face facing towards the exit or the front door. I always want to see what's coming around um. And it's just really just I think until then, until it's something like that happens, you don't know that you need to be more aware, you know. So I'm always looking at people.

So why do you always look at everyone's a threat? Because potentially they could be a threat, you know, so I want to see it happening before. So I really pick up on those types of body cues. Like that's

a skill. It really is a skill. And here's another thing that helps me out too, is it as a nosy kid, you know, everybody can relate to Your parents are arguing and you want to know what they're saying, right you just my parents spoke a different language at home, and I'm like, we weren't fluent in Yoduba, and so I'd be listening, I couldn't understand what they were saying, so I could only rely on body language. So I

became instilled, to this day, very proficient in reading. By the look, you could be talking to me, and I hear nothing you're saying, and I'm looking at your body, and your body is telling me everything. Yeah, it's a So I look at that, and so I see somebody who's I think this person is about to jack this dude. Right, I can see things happening before when, which is crazy. When you played for the Raiders. Yeah, did you replace

that jacket? You've got jack for it? Yeah, I got a lot I got, I got, I got a lot of Raiders get her, that's for sure, Raider shorts, Raiders shirts because it's still the coldest color in all of all. And I listen, I don't want to have set you but you know, I'm not even a Raider saying, but if a Raiders shirt? Guys, where how men think? My My wife is from Oakland? So I will wear Raiding born raised, her mom live in Oakland. Oh, we gotta hang out. I um, i've met yet, and you've not

met my wife yet to this day. Yeah, we have to have a day. Um to this day, though, I will wear I will wear Raiders gear. I'm not sure i'll wear a Raiders jersey. That's taking it like too far. I might wear your jersey I'm gonna bring you my jersey, you know. Um, because you're an actor, I've always wondered this, do you watch and appreciate other shows? What do you binge watch? For example? I I've beene watched for that's because I'm not an actor. Do you binge watch? Yeah?

Any three shows you're binge watching? And it's not shows that I'm beinge watching. I'm very particular about shows that binge watched. The best show ever made on TV, I believe was Squid Game and I watched every episode. Really yeah, man, that's squid Game is really good. And it was really good because it was completely different from anything I've ever seen TV. Okay, so tell me because I'm not My kids have been asking and I've heard all that. All its gory, it's you know, it's not for kids. So

I've not seen it because my kids can't see it. Um? Is it is it that bad? Is it? I mean, it's it's about as bad as it kids. Yeah, it's it's worse thing like Freddy Krueger. It's hyper violent. You know, typically Korean cinema um uses I believe uses violence to

get a reaction, you know. I mean, if you ever saw that film Parasite that when all those else and that film, it starts off as like sort of like a quiet family drama and then it turns into this you know, spoiler alert, hyper violent film, you know, And I think Squid Game does the same thing. Um, I can't do it. I'm not a hyper violent guy. And I don't know why. Um maybe as my childhood. I

don't know what I mean. I mean, I can handle a certain level of violence, but when it gets like like sawt, I could do it after one, I can't do it. I don't do this saws. I I do the squad game. But I also I've beinge Um, I've benched all a Breaking Bad. Oh sorry, that's man breaking Back. I came to Breaking Bad late. Breaking Bad is one of my all time It is the best ever, like ever his character. Yeah, um and uh, but I I'm very particular about what I've benched watched. Have you watched

the Morning Show? I love the Worship Morning Try. I'm binging. I gotta wait um for this next episode I come out. But I'm loving the Morning Show right now. Really yeah, I'm really loving I'm kind of like I like, you know, like that type of drama stuff. I grew up watching soap propers. So Bunny, we had a soap star on our show. Uh, and pardon my ignorance, I had no idea who it was. But you were like, oh, Dr Jones,

you're on our show. And you were like that one time when your wife, that's your girlfriend, and you knew the whole storyline. Really, people don't know this is this kind of something, and I keep private, I guess until now, until now, But I grew up watching soap opera. In fact, I blame my oldest brother, my oldest brother, so I can't even tell you the whope. We were in ABC soap family. So we would watch, um, this is before your time. We would watch Loving, we would watch All

My Children. We would watch One Life to Live. We would watch General Hospital, and back in the day, there used to be this older one. This is when I was a young kid. For your time. Um, there's one called Ryan's Hope. Um, we would watch Ryan's. I mean, you can google all these these are icon of Not a lot of them are off the air now, but it was. There was some good time and we take them on BCRs and so by time we got home, school got out three or five, we walked in the house.

Oprah was just starting at three o'clock. Watched every day. I watched Oprah every day, and then we would go back and then start the BCR and we would go through and watch our soap prop and why our parents were like, why don't you watch? Why don't you starting your homework? Oh, we want to see Erica came. Something's about to happen to a Errica cage. That's Susan Lucci, she played Erica. Of course. Of course, Actually I didn't know that. Oh it's been so blown away when Susan.

Oh no, Susan Luchi didn't come to her. No, no, if I ever met Susan Lucci. I remember when she finally got her award shot and it would just took forever. I'm like, this is I mean, even when she had to split personality like she had two different um, it was like the good Susan or good Erica came, Bad Erica came and I stopped, Man, what else does she need to do to be able to get that Awarden?

So when she finally won, it was if I remember correct, and then maybe I'm wrong, I could be remembering this wrong. We have to look it up, but I can still see her wearing like a red dress and she was just so emotional and just like I just remember being so happy for her as if I knew her. I don't know her. I've never met her before. If I did, I would, I would I probably cry how far I think I think that's about to change her on the talk. Look,

let me ask you, um, American Ninja Warrior. Everybody knows what it is. Everybody loves it. Um. It's a life changing project that you're a part of. Um. That's not an exaggeration, No, it's not. It changed my life, um like seriously changed the trajectory of my career. You know. One of the hardest things to do is transition from football. You're at the highest level. There is no other level after the NFL, and once you reach that peak and then you're done, it's like what do you do next? Right?

So there is this what feels like this precipitous fall, right like some call it humility, some called it the real world, real life. UM. I tend to think that the NFL is real life. Right. You just worked so hard towards something and then you make that transition and it was so hard trying to think what was I

going to do next? And in a million years, I never thought, because I didn't have this illustrious Hall of Fame, super Bowl playoff winning type career, that I would ever be able to get into this And so being able to give that audition for American in Ge Warrior take us to the audition process. Well, so prior to I was trying to get my feet in the game, right, you know, I was doing college football like no Indivision two, um,

you know, Conference USA type of type of games. I have a friend who with smyeah I did, I did, I did SMU, I did all of them two lade, the whole nine and uh. And I'm going on other auditions and I was doing commercials that you know at SAG grade or whenever it get a couple hundred bucks or whatever, just trying to make it in and trying to find find my in. No. No, no, no, no no. After a while, you just like get numb to it.

I get the call for American and Warrior, and to be honest, I lied, And sometimes you have to do. I'm like, oh, you've you ever heard of it? Oh? Yeah, yeah, I heard it. Oh yeah, I love it, love it, love it. Never watched the day in my life, so before my audition, I'm just kind of looking at it just didn't sound or feel like anything I was I would even listen to. And I didn't even know American

Engine Warrior was on before you were on it. Yeah. Yeah, I came in season five and they didn't have announcers and they did Matt Eisbell was still there. But then the position that I was auditioning for someone else, yeah it was someone else, and um so I just you know, they're probably not gonna hire me, right because I every God, this shot going to I don't get it. But there was a key that opened up for me because I relaxed.

But I just went there because I was a w w E fan, right, I grew up and I just brought my my my version of a w w E annalyncer over the top. You know, I love muscle parts like I can name all the different muscles in the body, and um so I just started being very descriptive using my football analysis background but with a w w E flavor, and I walked out lets shook everybody's hand, didn't think twice about it. Two weeks later, I get a phone call. Here know, I said, hold on what I got it,

And that's how it started. And then since then, I mean, my first year was rough, but after that I just kind of grew with a show. And it's been it's been amazing ten years now. It's so funny. The biggest job of your life happened because you had prepared up until that moment. But when you got there, you use the key analogy the other day, tell us about the key and now, I mean, this is this is exactly what happened with you in American You know what the

key analogy is? Like, you know how when you're trying so hard to find your chees and like, I gotta find my keys. I gotta find my keys, and you can't look in your tearing up the whole place. But the minute you relax and you just like, forget it. I'm just gonna let it come to me. Um, and then it comes it just it comes right to you, you know what I mean. And that's what happened when in the word man, incredible, incredible story. Yeah. Thanks, um, okay,

So I'm gonna ask you what's your favorite food? My favorite food? Yeah, part of This is gonna upset you because I know you're you're you are health conscious, yes, and you're mostly about what you put in your body. I mean you're mostly like I've seen bar on the gym and you let wait, yeah, you throw some weight up, but you're all about what you put in. What is your favorite food? What is this? I like a chain of Mexican restaurants where you drive through, Oh oh that

is that has taco in the title and thing. Yeah, no, I'm cool. Um, you don't. You don't ever do it. You don't ever go to that track. What is your keep meal? Um? In and out? Yeah, in and out, because I mean, at least the burgers are fresh. But my favorite food is goat meat. I love goat meat. I can never say mutton or is it to go to meat? Is how you soak meat? Go to meat? What's the differtween mutton and goat meat? I have never held a mutton? Um? All right, So then you gotta

ask me. Um, yeah, you go ahead, Um, oh yeah, Saturday? What is doing Saturday morning? What am I doing Saturday morning? I'm getting I'm sneaking up out of the bed at what time? At about seven am? Because the kids get up at ten am, I'm making myself coffee, I'm walking the dogs. I get back, I check my fantasy football team, and I just try to watch any show before. I try to do all this in a three hour period before my kids get up. So I had time to myself.

So you're someone who likes to get up before anybody else gets up. And yeah, so I had the time to myself. I will say that since I've been working with you, you are first one in, last one out. I mean you get here at five am? Yeah? I do. Yeah? Um, is that the beat traffic? Is that because you like to just like I have to get my work out in. Workout is like if I don't have my workout in, I feel like I don't have the best attitude. Really yeah, Um,

you don't ever skip workouts? You don't ever sleep Sometimes if I'm tired, Yeah, I will skip, but not always. Um. Do you send them to learn to wake up? No? Yes and no? But I always wake up? I got so I've always help. Uh So tell me this, Um, what what makes you the most happy? Like girl talk? What makes you the most happy? Um? Something with my kids, some people, with my wife. When my wife and kids are happy. I'm I'm at my happiest, you know, when

they're really happy. And I was about to say winning in fantasy football, but you know what's so messed up about fantasy football when and this is why I should probably never play anymore. When you lose, it annoys you to no end. And when you win, when you win, you're like, yeah, I deserve to win, and you like, don't even think about it. So there's really no upside of playing fantasy It's just it's just it's like a life of misery. So you told me what makes you

the most happy? I need to go a little negget here? Can I tell you what my pet peeves? Flies? I hate flies, Like seriously, if you want to see the worst version of me, have just one fly around. I can't even only get grossed out when I see a fly on if I see a fly land on my food, I can't, I can't. I'm done. I'm done because you know what, you know, even if it's if I see a fly on my food, it's you might as sold to throw it away. All right, last question here, and

then well I think we should take some phone calls. Um, what keeps you motivated. I wish I had a really good answer for that, like, uh, I'll tell your kids you motivated, but drive. Um. But I tend to have a little bit of an easier attitude. I mean almost like you going to an audition for Ninja Warrior. By the way, earlier, when you said, oh, I lied about like, I was like, oh my gosh, did I say he was a ninja. That's because that's a crazy lie. Yeah, I'm a ninja. Um. But I I don't know if

I have like a motivational thing about me. Um. You know, I will say this something that's kept me motivated about health. And I actually showed you this meme. Um, somebody I worked with, a train or who I used to work with, who I haven't been going in to see him lately, and he just wanted to make sure I was still um uh like getting in the gym was it was a picture of Muhammad Ali and I showed it to you and he said, um, life changing results lies in

your daily routine. Yeah, And that got me into the gym a couple of mornings. I think I showed it to you when I showed up earlier in the gym. But then I stopped going. You know, for me like mine is really is crazy. What motivates me is um the fear, the fear of failure, the fear of not being good enough. So yeah, it's just he's a good motivating Yeah, it is, so I think. You know, I'm sure there are a lot of people who can relate

to that. Jerry, We've said a lot here. Let's go to break, Let's take a let's let's take let's let's get a drink of water. Right, take a break, and then we'll be right back and we'll take some calls. Wait, that's cool. Hey is that Brandy brand? Where where are you calling from? I'm from the bay Area bay Area? Hold on, I'm confused. What do you mean the bay Area like San Frantisco bay Area. Oh yeah, okay, I used to live I used to live in the Bay Area.

So question, if you get with one of your best friends, can you still remain close with them and not have awkward tension? Well, what do you mean? Elaborate what you mean to get with? You hook up with your best friends? Like physically, yes, we're both married, so I mean I don't know. Hold on, No, that's the good question. So you you you got your best friend, you hooked up, and then what happened? What's your question after that? And then how do you just get over the awkward feelings

and remain like can you remain as close? For know that that one's that one's difficult. I think it takes both used to be very disciplined, because I do. I do believe once you exchange that type of energy between each other, you you never you can't forget it. You can't like let it in, you know, empty out your mind. I think the best way is that both parties were

in a different relationship. That then tends to soften it up. Um, And it may keep you distance because you have your life with your other partner, you know what I mean. You're doing other things and it keeps the focus off of it. But if you guys are both single and you're just and you're used to talking with each other all the time, Yeah, but that's uncomfortable. I had a situation very close like that in in college, but I never crossed the line, and I'm glad I didn't because

it had been very difficult to maintain. Yeah. Yeah, so you almost you almost give it up, You almost give it a friendship it becomes different, it changes, it's not going to be what it was before. You can be like best friends again. Really will never like have relationship again. It's not that you won't you won't have that relationship. It's like remodeling your house. Once you've gone through and recontract like that, the other version of the house is gone.

So you have to appreciate what the new relationship is. Yeah, does that make sense? Yeah, so you can't. You can't. You can't reminisce about what it was like before and expect for it to return to normal. Yeah that makes sense. And yeah, all right, yeah, I hope that helped. No, it does help. That's actually really nice to hear. All right, all right, Brad, right, thank you? Hey, can't get can you? Can you give this to me one time? Because this

is what I remember. I don't know if they still say this in the Bay Area, say that was heca cool? That was hella? Hella? Hello? Do you guys do say that out there? Um? Hella? I feel like people do say hello. I think I came to well because like it's Ohio, and I came to song. I think I said hella a few times and everyone was like yeah, yeah, I was like, okay, yeah, we don't like talk like that here, all right, thank you guys. Hey Sophie, Sophie,

who are you and where are you calling from? I'm Sophie. I'm calling from Boulder, Colorado. What's your question for us? Okay? So my question was, if you've been dating the same boy or just person in general for a while, what is good advice in terms of keeping things interesting. I know that a lot of people fell into routines during covid um, so just kind of advice for making sure every day isn't exactly the same and just keeping things interesting.

How do you keep my relationship fresh? I mean, you gotta get out of the house first of all. I always found like it's funny. I hated being in relationships where people I just wanted to um Netflix and chill. Like I had to go out and go do something, you know, even if you don't want to go, even if it's boring, at least it's like even the most mundane things like start like are stimulating, like start a conversation. I was very much into activities, going somewhere and doing something.

And by the way, I was always very good about dating, Like I always like I said, like, hey, I'll pick you up and we'll go and do this, you know, um, whether it was like you know, a play, a movie, a haunted house, UM, an amusement park. I just I always tried to go do something, so just get stimulated to alongside. Yeah, I love that and I think it's piggybag off of that. Um. You know, Sophie, you know something that could be how are you? If you don't

mind me asking twenty? I think you're very familiar with TikTok and Instagram, social media, and there are always these challenges that pop up every so often, right, um, And I think a great way to spice up a relationship is just going out there and challenging yourself. So doing different challenges like let's say, for example, you've never been fishing. You know, like you offer up like maybe every Friday

or every other friday realistically, depending on your schedule. You know, you say, uh, we're gonna do something we've never done before, and you get to learn a lot about each other. You might find out like, oh, shoot, I'm a better I'm a better fisher than you know that my boyfriend you know, um, or you know I'm a better swimmer. It's just something find the things that you guys don't do and you don't do well, um and or you don't do well and try to engage yourself in. Man.

I think they make for such an interesting day because where do we usually fall like the zone we usually fall in, and like I want to go see a movie. Yeah, let's go see a movie. You want to go out and get something to eat, Let's go get out some me, you know what I'm saying. Then you know, oh god, dude, it didn't it didn't it been it right? Like and after that even like yo, like what else is there

to do? You know what I mean? A great way because you guys both know you're going in there like, oh, man, I don't want to go skydive. I don't want to go fishing. I don't want to go you know, you know, to the back of a butcher house and you know, cut up neither. I don't know, like just come up with the random stuff, you know, and make it your own date challenge. That should be a hashtag by the way, Yeah, no, I like that. I think that's cool. That's a great idea.

It's like taking TikTok and making it real life. Yeah, I hope that was helpful. Yeah for sure. All right, all right, go Boulder, Colorado. Thanks so yeah, thank you. Hey, what's going on? Kristen on Mark Barks Jerry used to meet you guys. What you got for us? Um? I was just kind of wondering what your opinions were on like taking breaks in a relationship over like just like breaking up. I guess it's a good one. I don't know.

I've never taken a break in a relationship. I don't think. Um, if somebody told me they wanted to take a break, I probably never talked to them again. I know that's not like the nicest thing to say, and he's not very patient to me. But if someone said to me they want to take a break, I mean just to save base, I'd be like, oh, well, I wanted to take a break, but I wanted to be permanent. Never talked to me again, and then I show them I'm erasing their phone number in my phone. I uh, I've

never heard of that. I mean, I've heard of breaking up. I've never heard of taking a break. Yeah. It's like, yeah, yeah, taking a break is like the cousin of breaking up, right, It's just it's just just like, how do you have you ever said to someone I think we need to take a break? No, no, no, I've never said that. I've always been a committed dude, so I've never had that,

you know, let's take a break. But I do know a lot of guys and a lot of women who've who've said they've taken a break, and I think it's a past of aggressive way of saying like, I think we need to break this up. So, um, your question is what's the difference, or is your question is can you ever get back together? Well, I guess kind of like back together at the same level that you were, just because I feel like it's kind of just an excuse.

I guess on like trying to say together because I feel like when you take a break or break up, you're trying to work on like yourself in a relationship and there's still like an attachment. So I guess like, would that even be worth it or do you should you just like break up? I guess yeah, I think first off, taking a break and break up, let's just

let's go ahead and just merge the two together. It's you're breaking up, right if you're taking a break your breaking up, let's let's not, let's not you know, differentiate the two. Um. I think what's interesting though, is when people do break up or what it is to understand why. And I think once you understand why and you give that person the space to figure the it out, I think you just have to be or the other person has to be hopeful that the person you know will grow.

And if that growth will allow you guys to come back together to make a better relationship, then so be it. Um, And they might be an opportunity to for the other party as well to grow. Like whoever decides to call the break right there for whatever reason that they may not be able to figure out. Because here's the truth, and here's what I know to be true, is that the hardest person to get to know is yourself and why.

Because God gave us this thing called denial. We can deny anything about ourselves that we are not ready to face, and so that makes it very challenging. So when you're in a relationship and you're bringing two people together, um, it's like uh, two bodies of water. I've been to South Africa, and you can in South Africa, you can see the Atlantic ocean and the mediterrane Sea kind of come together. I think those are the two seeds that

that but together. And you kind to see him. You see them kind of coming together, two bodies of water just coming together, and there's a lot of friction and splashing, it goes on, uh and for it to really settle down takes time. So I say that to say it takes time. Everybody gets their time um to shine though. All right, So hopefully that is helpful for you that you guys a chance to shine, even if it isn't you guys together. So um, I hope that was helpful. Yes,

it was, thank you. I just feel like like taking a break has been way more prominent, like in like throughout my age and even like a few of my friends are taking a break where they're they don't consider each other like boyfriend and girlfriend, but they still like talk. They just don't like see each other as off. It's it's passive aggressive to be honest with you, um, and this is not taking a shot at your generation, and

I apologize to putting you off. I do believe there are some social cues and social development things that have been um delayed a little bit because you guys have something that has been like no other generation, Like you guys are inundated with all this other stuff from social media and when you talk about one on one communication,

because that's something you really can't avoid. I think there's a little bit of a step, like being able to hold somebody accountable, like hey, look, just just tell me how you really feel. You don't if you want to break up right, like you said, next time somebody says that to you, like let's take a break, Well why not just break up and see what? Say? Like, what is the difference? Like somebody needs to tell me. That's just we should put a question out there, like there

is no difference. I agree. I feel like it's kind of just a way to pretend. Yeah, yeah, it's irritating. I think that's why you're probably feeling the way you're like what does that even mean? Like like what does that mean? Like are we still together? Yeah? So all right, well thank you so much? Yeah, thank you. Hey who are you? Where are you from? Hi'm Olivia from Chicago. Olivia. Hey, So what's your question? Olivia? What you got for us? Um? My question is how has the stigma in the US

surrounding therapy from men impacted your mental health. I got a lot to say this. I let Jerry go. Um. I uh, I had never really been to a shrink um. And it was so funny. I worked with a guy I was going through something. Um, it's going through a family issue and I was telling a coworker about it. And my coworker said, go talk to my shrink. And I was like why and he was like, just go talk to my shrink. And it was really helpful. It

was really so it was just um, so funny. I mean, I didn't ever I guess I had to think about it. I just I didn't even think of it as an option, you know, I didn't think I I I wasn't. I didn't know at the time that just because you were feeling squirrelly inside about a family issue, that that is like my mental health had to be addressed, you know, and it was because of something outside that was happening to me. It was you know, I thought you saw a shrink for I didn't even put that together that

that's why you see a shrink. So um. I mean, I'm I'm I'm all for seeking seeking help if you're going through something. Yeah, I am too. Olivia. I'm I'm all for getting help, and I think what's challenging is that I still believe that we live in a society where, you know that men still don't get the um, the attention they need for when it comes to mental health. Well, thank you, guys, thank you. But Jocelyn, who are you and where are you from? My name is Jocelyn and

I'm from New York. Okay, all right, what's up? Jocelyn from New York East Coast in the house. What's your question? So my question for you is what are the go to signs to expect when a guy likes you? So funny? I have I have. I have two twelve year old daughters and they're just like getting into the rituals of humans. And there's a there's a boy in my daughter's class, and I mean, this is pretty on the nose, but she said she catches him like staring, staring at her

and everything. I mean, that's something, you know, throwing a look back and you know, making sure you're being paid attention to you know. Um, it's so funny. I'm really I need a little more time because my daughters are twelves,

so they're just entering it. But it's really fascinating to sort of give like advice to my daughter's Like, you know, there was a guy that one of my daughters liked, and he was seen holding hands with another girl, and I told my daughter, like, um, you've got to move on from it, you know what I'm saying, Like, you can't obsess on that one. That one's gone. And then that person actually came around and was the one who was looking at my daughter, you know what I'm saying.

So it's it's so funny just and this is just in the beginning of of my kids entering the I can't believe I was saying this dating world but like not putting all your eggs in one basket, not taking anything too seriously and being able to adapt and like move on. I had to tell you, Um, one of my best relationships was, um, I need to go out with a particular marriage prior to marriage, one of one of my best one of my most successful dating relationships

not married. Obviously, my most successful is the one I got married Levy Hunting. Um, But um was I wanted to go out with a person and that person was not interested in me at all. It's just not interested me at all, and it was obvious. We all went to a party, a group of us, UM and her best friend. UM I started talking to because this person I was interested in was just not interested in me. She was interested in someone else, and oh man, it was We had such a I ended up dating her

friend and we had such a fun relationship. I am really nice, really fun, and it would have never happened if I had not been like open to the universe. You're trying to figure out that sign. Is there somebody out there that you think likes you, and you're trying to figure out if they like You're not like a lot NonStop texting, liking of random photos years ago, you know phasics. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess something like that. Okay, how old are you? Okay, twenty one? So Jerry just

actually hinted on something. If this person that you know and you think this person might a great way to do is go to some of your oldest photos. UM, I have a twenty one year old or twenty year old one. UM and uh, he will you know, when we're talking about the girls that he likes and stuff like that. But he wants to be incognito because the old school was, you know, like doing how gosh am I that guy? Now I'm that guy old school? Um, but you try to pretend like you know she she

ain't that I'm not. I'm not even gonna you know, they used to say this word jockey. I'm not going jocker, you know what I mean. I'm just I'm just gonna be cool and just be but always visible so you see me and you know I'm right there. Well. The the Internet or the social media version of that is liking some of the older photos just to kind of pin you, like, why is this photo from three years ago?

Being like who goes down that far right? So then you know you've gotta sign like, yo, you just started following me last week and you're all the way down four years like you're really letting me know that you like me. The more aggressive version is I'm going to like a thousand of your photos and you'd be like, yo, you just you all up in my lights, right, But

it ain't set me one comment or d M right. Um. But yeah, you know what I look for the you know, the licking of lips, you know, I look for the unnecessary cool swaying like like you know there's that you know that just like what what what are you doing? Why? Why are you cool? Swaying? This is like that cool swam, I'm just cool. That's when you know you might want to say hello, but it's a good thing. It's like, hey, what you doing? If you really want to know, just like, hey,

what you doing? Like you gotta like softly tough because he doesn't want to seem too aggressive because there are a lot of guys and trust me, I talked to a lot of my son's friends. A lot of young boys are afraid now because of all the stuff that's been happening in the news and stuff, so they don't want to be seen as creepy. So you have a lot more of them being less of forward and just

trying to say hey. So a great way to tap in, especially if you like that person, just give like a soft invite, like a soft like I see you, I recognize you. And that way you don't put yourself out there too, right, so you're kind of protected, like hey, what you doing? Which way are you going? Like oh wow? And then see if something you know what I mean,

it's like, um, I'm about to go to Starbuns. You want you want anything, you know what I mean, something like that, and then that's how you know you know what I mean. Then you're like, all right if you see them fidgeting and you know, nervous and all right when they pick up their phone for no reason. Yeah, you like me, You like me, all right. So hopefully that's helpful. I try to give you a little bit of the new school and the old school and hopefully

you've got a good mixed there. And Jerry could you know, through his experience, kind of helped you out with that. Totally. Thank you guys so much. Well, that was fun. That was really cool. That was really I think we give some good advice, sage advice. We're like the elders helping up kids. I'm not ready to be the elder statesman in this, I'm not. I'm not. I don't think I'm ready. We are, We're like the elder is helping them out. Well, this is cool. I hope that is insightful. Yeah, I

hope it was insightful. This is really cool for us to be in this space and to be able to have this conversation. Uh, this was how men think. With Jerry O'Connell and myself barbar should be the mill. G B A j A yep, keep going, b I A yep. M I l A again Honorary Nigerian for the Day. Thank you guys, thanks for listening to How Men Think and I Heart Radio London Audio Production