Fatherhood Part 2: The Truth

what is that? What is the meaning of your name again? Big man come save me? You want to know the quick story of it, I'll give you a quick history. That's awesome. My great great grandfather was a seven footer in the Nigerian village and when people would have issues, they would ask him to come moderate come help out me a lot, meaning big man, please come and help me, Like we got some issues going over here. So like in the previous conversation we're having, you would just call

for the big man to hey, come, come resolved. That's what's going on here. Yeah, so that's what that means, big man comes save I mean lucky, you're six six two plus because that would be weird. Okay, so now we want to transition this. I think that that topic right there, I think we didn't maybe do another episode on because it's a polarizing topic and we can we can unpack that more. But but I appreciate you coming in.

You're one of this episode. We're gonna get into fatherhood two point oh, because our producer Amy is passed off with the last one. She thought the guys fired up kind of all over the place, and Akbar and I already got into like a heated discussion that was I liked it, yeah, and I had to. I had to. I had to kind of hold that because I had a lot of feelings about it. Yeah, so we'll get into that too. But yeah, I'm a little fired up on a lot of things, and especially last week's episode. Okay,

so Amy, here's the short of it. Amy thinks the guys sugarcoated fatherhood. I think they blew smoke up your butt and it was unicorns and rainbows and that's great and that's of fatherhood, and then they ignored the rest. Okay, so we'll get into that. Okay, let's talk to tough stuff. And Akbar is one of seven, right, yes, one of seven, yes, number six, number six and seven. And I'm the biggest. I'm the biggest. I'm proudly can you tell that I'm

probably six boys, one girl? And yeah uh and then you also have four kids, so yeah, so busy working man father, like father. I want to hear your story and your take on children. I am thirty six. I'm now like feeling drawn for the first time, drawn in my life to fatherhood and actually becoming a father. Always said I wanted to be one, but now it's becoming real for me. Um and then the guys. I asked the guys some questions about fatherhood, and Amy was immediately

piste off. She thought it was too cordial and too nice. So we're gonna take the gloves off, Eastern. You're gonna have to hit us with a little ding ding right there if you have a I've been wearing ruthful but blowing smoke and unicorns in rainbows. Well, and I will say this as a preface to this, Um Brooks, a buddy came to us and said, Hey, I'm thinking about becoming a dad. Being a dad is amazing. Is the

most amazing thing you'll do in your life. So that's what we we We supported him on that because I think that he should do it. If someone came to me and said, I don't have a driver's license, I just moved to the country. I'm thinking about getting a license. There's a lot of freedom with driving, right. I wouldn't then tell them about car wrex and show them pictures of disasters and start and talk about how I cry in my car. Like no, I would say, hey, driving

gives you a lot of freedom. Do it. And then later on if they keep pressing, which I think this episode is now going to be, then then you tell them some of the stuff to be prepared for. But until he's about to be a dad, I didn't need to hit him out of the box with Oh my god, being a dad is so tough. Okay, So if someone else his wife about giving birth, should they say, oh, it's wonderful, or should they say it's a watermelon through a straw. But that's yeah, okay, let's let's touch. That's

how that's the same as having sex. And by the way, for show me a sor that's four centimeters oh eastern, you're gonna have to addit this episode, Um, let's talk let's hot dog down the hallway. I can't remember. Let's talk about this Ryan. Let me ask you this question. So what is it like as a father or as a as a husband? What is it like as a husband. What has your relationship been with your wife as she's been pregnant for nine months? And what are you going

through right now as she's about to give birth? Maybe any minute, any day. Now, I would say fatherhood is very rewarding, but it is incredibly difficult. I mean we the weekends are completely different. I think about you. You work out twenty five hours a day, and that's not gonna You're not gonna be able to do. I wouldn't know it based on looking at you. Your chest is actually not very big, and mind's larger. I would say, But here, I canna tell you we have a little competition. No,

it's a one one. His chest as his weakness. So I'm hitting the chest so hard these anyway, it is a constant like Saturday's what we used to do now like we would go have brunch. We would you know, go each of us would go work out, do whatever we want. Now it's like, okay, we need to get our son out of the house. We gotta go to the park. We gotta pack a snack, you gotta then nap is going to be at this time, and then

what are we gonna do in the afternoon. Well, it's really hop but we still got to get him out of the house. Like you're constantly waiting to get him to go to sleep. It's like, uh, nap time is at five, Like what can we do to fill five hours? And got into naps, so then I have two and a half hours to just decompress and then he wakes up and you're like, okay, well then he's going down at seven o'clock. Now we got another three and a half hours. What are we gonna do? It's it is stressful.

So my wife, my wife is like days away from going into labor. Yesterday, we I got home from work, we took our son to the park. She fell off the curb and rolled her ankle. Cannot walk. Now I could not go to work this morning because we have a two year old at home. Our nanny couldn't come in, so I had to watch my son take him to the park this morning at at eight am, knowing I

had to be here at noon. Try to run him literally in a football field back it's like sprints, throw a tennis ball like he's a dog, to try to just tire him out so that he actually sleeps his full time for his nap, so that my wife can actually relax and keep her leg elevated while icing to reduce the swelling. And she can't take anti inflammatories because she's pregnant. I'm here doing a podcast, checking my phone every second to see if she's texting me that she's

going into labor. Am I gonna get in traffic on the way home. It's stressful. It is freaking stressful. Wow, Wow, I felt great, but it is great. So but by the way, after you do that, after you get the kid to sleep, yes, you're exhausted. So if you know, there are nights when you and your wife your partner will go to bed and you can park a Volkswagen in between you, you are nowhere near each other, you're both on the end of the bed and you just

pass out. So yeah, so once you do everything that Ryan just explained, there are It's not like every night you're just gonna go on and you're gonna spoon and you're like, oh, this is our time. Now, that's kind of let make it better. There's gonna be nights when you're just like, I need my space, I want to go to We put my son down last night and night he's gonna be to this weekend. And I said to my wife, only sixteen more years till he's out of the house. So the baby, your kids are gonna

Your kids might be born on the same day they might. Yeah, geez, double birthday party, one cake. Well that's actually that's the saving the savings. But I have stressed about that too, because then they're gonna they're gonna be jealous of one another that each of them doesn't have their own day. I've thought through all of this stuff. I have twins. Don't worry, acquire you have four kids, have four kids, twins that are the last two? Can give us the

ages of all boys girls eighteen boy ten girl? Uh, twins boy girl? And how old are they eighteen ten and seven twins or seven? Ye? And your boy just went to college. Yeah, we just sent him off to college. And I didn't expect it to be emotional. It was. It was emotional and it got me actually on orientation because going in as a student athlete. You know, you kind of get um, kind of guided through, so you don't really go through there. You don't really have the

real you know, college Uh no, not for me. Not for me. Now. You know, I grew up in the Nigerian household, they always uh you know, emphasized education. But but as I was going through, I'm all right, I'm ready for this. I gotta get all the inst I flew out, my wife stayed with the kids. I'm gonna take all the notes, and they got professors up there and admission people and all that, and I mean probably about three hours in, it just slapped me right in

my face. I'm like, oh, shoot, he's about to be gone, like you know, we're in the introduction and I literally started like crying. I'm like, oh my goodness. That was like, what is happening right now? Because it just hit me. And it like because at first it was just we're applying for college with fasts and this and la la la la, and then I was like, oh and then when we got there set him up for the dorm, it was emotional. I didn't and then my wife and

the kids just lost it. Um. But I will say that's that part is rewarding as a father because I think the stage you're in and heck, we're all in it um is uh. When you're you really don't know what it's gonna turn out. And I gotta say I'm proud of my son because there's a lot of bumps

and ups and downs during the process. But for him to get to this point, to make it to college and he's about to get off on his own, I was just like, man, it's just that it makes you realize, like all the work, especially when you don't think they're listening and all the stuff that you said when they were younger, they hit you, what about when you said this that I told you eight years ago? Nine years ago?

So they are listening. Um. But in the moment, you feel like this kid is just such a he's so selfish and you know, and listen and you know and the ungrateful yeah, and then and then they get it. Is it a question for you? And just as a sports guy, it's something you can maybe relate to, is it um? Because as when our sports careers come to an end, we feel like it went too fast and that it's like we didn't think we would thought we have more time. It went too fast? Uh, dropping your

boy off at school? Was it the same sort of feeling like I can't believe when you got hit with that emotion, like I can't believe he's out of the house now. Eighteen years didn't eighteen years didn't feel it sounds like a long time, Like if you told me I was going to prison for eighteen years and oh my gosh. You know, but eighteen years, you just think

you have enough time. And what I've realized now is that I have a little bit more sense of urgency with my ten year old because I do believe, like I have seven to eight years left with her. And I'm telling my wife and she's like, why are you creating the sense of urgency. I'm like, because it went by so fast. And for my son, he wants to

run track, and he hopped around doing sports. My wife didn't come from a sports background, so she said, oh, well, he can do this, and he can do that, and he can do this, And before you know it, he's in the tenth grade and now he wants to do track. He's figured out okay, hey, I want to do track. And you know, I was trying to get him down one Ale, and he was thinking about other things. And I'm like, oh man, he's behind and we didn't really have the time that we thought he was gonna have.

But he's taking a leap of faith and going to Oregon so he can walk on the track team. But I mean, I wish you would have had more time to do it. And I look back and going I could have done that better. I could have done that one. But someone told me once my kids I had four kids as well, ten, eight, six, and three. Um, and someone told me one time, which unfortunately that they're like, when your kid turns ten, they've already lived with you

more than they will because they moved out an eighteen. Right, So at ten, you're already past the halfway point of how long they're ever gonna live with you. And now that's stuck. Yeah, now that's stuck in. I don't appreciate you sharing that. Yeah. Well, if I have to live with it, then everybody does. Um, here's one question for you you just mentioned and I just wrote this down because it was such an interesting thing. Um, what is in this for all three you guys? You guys are

all fathers. Uh, what is one thing you wish you were better at as a parent, I I would say, um, working, um, working less, being more content UM. For me, I think the hardest part is, you know, with success, you know, there comes the financial reward and then there comes the lifestyle. And being a slave to your lifestyle UM keeps you on the hustle and grind and um. You know. I've been talking to my wife. I said, we gotta stop upgrading.

I don't want to upgrade anymore. I'm genuinely content. I don't I don't want I don't need another I gotta, you know, nice toy car or whatever. I don't want anything else because what I realized is my son is and my daughters are going to be gone, and then that's it. Like I'm looking forward to doing more traveling and all that stuff, but not at the expense of missing out on some of these important years because you see the impact that is going to have on the future.

And the part that I struggle with now is being so busy to where I come home and I'm just dog exhausted and I'm one into what I call autopilot mode, like he does a hu uh huh huh uh huh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, and my brain. But I'm just done, and I'm like, I'm going in the bathroom. I don't even need to go to the bathroom, just like I need. I mean, I'm trying to get my brain back, you know what I mean. Like it's just

so I wish I could do that. And yesterday, I mean, I spend time with my son, just drill, helping him with basketball, and my wife took the d my daughter's out for volleyball practice. It's just you and I want to want let's do it. And I don't do that often. And here I am as a former professional athlete. I'm not able to pour into my kids in the one thing I've invested more time than anything else I've done in my life. I've played sports since I was a kid,

and I've not been able to pour that. Just thinking if you have a gift like that that you can't pour into your own kids because you're consumed with so much. So I think about that. Yeah, I think that that is I dedicated thirty five years to hockey, like everything I built up has to flow through and be passed on. Yeah, And so I've I've thought about that already. Is when my kids, if if we have kids, and if they play sports, I would love to coach them and pass

that on. And if it's not our kids, then maybe it has to be somebody else's kids, or some minor league team or not like youth team or something like. What you can teach my kids Because my gift, I'm teaching them sarcasm. So that's kind of all I got. So I'm just trying to instill that in them. You guys have heard me say it time and time and time again. Sleep is so important. You've heard me say it many times. I can't stress enough how much I

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off of what a bar said. But remember so last episode you retold the story that I told you where I said I got the kids to school and then as soon as I drove off the school lot, I missed them. But and I got some some heat for that because I made it. That's part of the rainbows and unicorns thing, I guess. But the point was what I was saying was that I'm so I rushed. I rushed to get to certain points. It's like, it's like Ryan was saying, like when don't we get them to bed?

When when are we getting into college? So I was like trying to get them to school, and I was I was a deck al right, I'm like, they gotta get their Bay twenties. Come on, take your food in the car too. And by the time I dropped them off at the school, I was driving away and I was like, oh my god. Instead of enjoying that time in the car, I rushed them all the way there. And now I'm sitting here and I'm like, now that

was my point. Now I got hours until I get to see them again, when I just totally botched that whole that whole time, I got them to school on time, well whatever, but in the car, I was rushing them, and I'll saying him, don't do this, and and so my what I could do better is I think I gotta slow down, and I gotta enjoy time and not worry about getting to the next point. I rushed to a point and then I absorbed it and relaxed. Then I rushed to the next point, and I absorb it

and relaxed. And I think that's I think that's gonna bite me sometime if I come back to bite me, if I if I continue to do that. Because of these little moments where it's the same thing. Oh, I get off to college and it's like, oh man, yeah, you and I share the same thing coming, I think what it is. The answer is time management. The one thing that I wish I could do better is time management.

So that way I know that I'm not rushing. Maybe he's getting the kids up because I have the same exact thing, getting up a little earlier so I have time to enjoy the questions and stuff like that and being Okay, look we're gonna get out because we have more talk time or whatever to enjoy that. Maybe I'm uncomfortable, you know, because I gotta get up fifteen twenty minutes early, but at least i've that time out, because if you don't have the time management, it will just life will

just take you away from your kids. Well, my problem is I get up early, but they're little, so they they're they're kind of sleeping, so I'm sitting there like waiting, and then they get up and I'm like, I gotta wake him up. I'm like, let's go, and then that just kicks off from there. But yes, I agree with that. But anyway that that would be mine, Ryan, what about you? We've touched upon it before, but I think mine would be being present when I am physically there with my son.

And and it goes back to like even at the playground, I look around it all the parents and like, seriously, parents are the kids on, you know, in the sandbox, around the jungle gym or whatever, and you have your phone out and you're looking at my like mindlessly scrolling on Instagram where you're playing fetch with your son or or you're saying on the zip line and you're playing

fats Um. And my wife we had an argument recently about this, which was when I would get home from work, I would immediately turn on the Phillies games, and she's like, it's sad that, like you should be hanging out with our son and playing with him, doing activities in the house, but you're also half your attention is going to this baseball game, which is like, it's is it? What's the point? And I said, well, I paid for the mL MLB extra and package on direct I defend you on that one. Well,

I'm the same way. I'm gonna defend you on that one. I think there has to be a a time for men, just the way our brains work to decompress. One of the best secrets. I don't work for Tesla, the one of the best secrets. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm gonna says, I hope my wife doesn't listen to this. Actually she won't. Okay, good um, Mike, Tesla, I purposely don't put a charger in my house. I actually go to the supercharger and my wife I have a blocked

out hour of time to myself. I'll listen to whatever, I'll watch whatever on my iPad, and I swear to you on my life when I get home, I'm a better man. Because it's not like you can use the traffic to to decompare. She can't decompress in traffic. It's stressful. But when I sit there and go, hey, I'm gonna go charge and I come home, Hey Ben, what happened to you? Drink coffee or something? No? No, I'm good. What's up? What do you guys want to do? Let's

go like I mean, it changes you. But when you're coming off of work and you're doing whatever and you come on like for me, I watched TV, not because I even want to understand what's going on. I just need to decom I want my brain to go somewhere. Candy Land sucks. It's like a really dumb game, you know what I mean. So like sometimes like playing with kids is actually brutal because that's boring for an adult,

but it's still important. The thing I was gonna ask you guys, and you don't have adult children, but you have adult parents. My dad once, I remember he sat the three of us down and said, I liked you guys as kids, but I love you so much more now. I enjoy my time with you so much more now that you're adults, because a lot of people don't want to play candy Land, but they love the relationship they have with their kids once they're teenagers or adults, not

even adults. Now, my son and I we can sit down and we can watch the baseball game together, and he's and he keeps track. He can tell me what happened, what the situation of the game is. So I agree. I don't think it has to be that they don't have to be that old, but there are certain points where it's like, okay, now, I remember the first time my dad was able to say sit in front of us. He was so excited. He was like, no, I can just talk like I don't have to like edit myself.

But yeah, there are times like that. Yeah. I think the only thing that we also didn't touch on that irritated me or whatever about the Unicorns and Rainbows episode is that we didn't address parents having to deal with actual real life challenges with their kids. Their kid doesn't fit in at school, their kid is being bullied, their kid needs glasses, their kid needs surgery, their kid drinks, their kid eats too much, their kid isn't eating at all.

And we didn't touch on that part of it where I see parents going through excruciating pain because their kid doesn't fit in the friend group or whatever it is. And I we just did a disservice to Brooks by not talking about that stuff. Two things I'll say about that real quick, because I was there and I was part of the unicorn and rainbow issue. Um part of the problem. Yeah, well, thank you. Um. Two things, guys,

or at least I do. I internalize a lot of stuff, so I don't share a lot of feelings, not because it's weakness, but because I just don't offer up things that trouble me right off the bat. The second thing is, and I'm not I know it was done for fun, but keep in mind, look back at that episode from last week. I made one thing I said. I talked about knock knock jokes, and I said, you know that the kids are horrible, and and I tell him, And

what was Gavin's response, knock knock? Who's there? Worst dad ever? So it's like, listen, moms get so much credit for being awesome and dad's dad's just do what dads do. So if you if all of a sudden someone's like, oh worst dad, or you complaining a little bit and someone hits you with something like that, it's like, well, I'm kind of I guess I'm failing a little bit.

And even though it was a joke, you know, you he just says, but you just said, you just said something to me though, But why this is totally ignoring your question. Um, but why do moms get all the credit and dad's Father's Day. I'm not gonna lie. I'm just keeping the real Father's Day sucks. It sucks. It's not the fanfare that moms get. It's the hey, here's a tie, here's the thing. Here you go. I don't need this time. That's an ugly type by the way, you know, it's just like we don't get the same

type of credit. And it's like, especially in the world now where everyone's talking about equality, I think there needs to be a voice for men to start having equal care because there's so many there's this thing that well, women have gotten praised and and and women do a lot, but men do a lot too, Like like man, I bust my butt, but mother's day sucks because they have to have like a crappy eggs breakfast that their kid made.

We're on Father's Day, you get to go golf. But I mean that that these are all these are all gender and and roles that are being played like they're there, you know, like I want to take the golfing out in the Mother's day because that's not It's not the

one day. It's the grind of every single day, me hauling butt from the South Bay all the way up to you know, up north to go to work and going over here and jet sitting around the country to be able to provide and then come home and then gotta clean and they gotta do this with the kids. And I'm like, I mean, it's exhausting. And yet it's like, well, you're supposed to do well, you're a man, Like what

what does that mean? I don't got feelings like I don't want to be appreciated, like men want to be appreciated, And I don't care. I'll fight any man right now who tells me they don't want to be appreciated. Men want to be appreciated, but they don't get appreciated. And it's just like the men step down, elevate the woman and then turns around and they get crapped on what they don't do this, they don't do that, And I'm like,

hold on. Like my wife and I we fight about this all the time, like the whole stay at home versus the the man that works, and this is like, well, I'm the one out with job is hard, and I feel like every man will go out there and preach like, oh, yeah, it's very hard to standal Yeah, it is hard to stay at home, but it's equally hard to go to work too, Like like you can't compare the two and say, well, because I'm at home with the kids, and more people

are gonna fall in love with that idea than you know. You're like or it's more like, come on, what are we doing here? Are we're gonna we're gonna minimize one role to elevate the other so that one never gets any type of loving credit. I'm like, that's a bunch of sorry you just so one time, one time I went away for four days for work, Like a week later, my wife went away for two days. When my wife came home, the kids made a banner cookies. I helped

him the whole thing, a little welcome home party. She was going for two days. I was going for four days. You know what. I got a text that said, hey, I was in you're in the We're going to Michael's. You want us to wait from my wife. So it's like twice as long gone. But it's like, all right, well you could when you get home, you get right back into. But when she came home, it was a fan fair black bar. You said you would fight any

man who says they don't want to be appreciated. While you said that, we're saying that Brooks looked at me in mouth. I don't to be appreciated, So it's odd you. Well, if you you seem like a man of your word, and we can just one thing. He didn't get into my bios, like, look, I'm from Crunchhaw. I'm from l A. Like I look, I'm not. I'm not you know, I'm not part of Canada. I don't I don't fight. I don't fight from fighting. Brooks is from the Crunchhaw of Canada.

Here here's why I looked at Here's why I looked at Ryan, because I promise you you've never seen a man that wants to be appreciated more than Ryan. That's why I looked at the revels in the appreciation. Well, Ryan, I I join you because I'm I would love to

change the narrative, like I want to be appreciated. Um and yeah, there's a little bit of comparison when I sometimes sit back and go on, wow, man, like it must be great to be a mom, Like it doesn't matter what you do, like you're gonna get the love. And everybody has to echo the same thing, like moms can never do anything wrong. Dad does everything only And look at all the shows. I get sick. I stop watching a lot of these shows. They make men, they

make fathers look so dumb. They have no idea, like oh my gosh, what are you gonna do? Like I hate, like seriously, like I want to turn. I mean, this is the slang word. I want to get ignorant when people go, oh my gosh, what you can do when your wife is gone? Okay, I don't know how to braid hair, but I can put her hair in ponytail. I can cook. I started cooking at the age of eleven. I know how to cook. Like, oh my gosh, are you okay? Don no? I don't need no help. I

got four kids. I can take care of all my kids by myself. I don't. I don't have a nanny. I don't need one, you know what I mean? Like I'm good, Like don't don't treat me as if because I'm a man. Oh men, don't want to be bothered with that, Like I can take it. And there are I know so many guys who are like that. There's a small guy. There's a group of guys who don't want to be bothered with any of that. And that's

just a preference. But doesn't mean that the guys don't you know what I mean, Like the guys don't know how to do all that stuff. Like, oh my gosh, I don't know what to do now that my wife is the only way I know that Me and my wife are different. Like the whole park thing. I get anxiety with parks. I have to take them too. There's a person that like, I have to take them the place because I'm mono focused. So I have to have them in a place that is surrounded and and closed

and let go. I'm the best father then, But if it's in an open park, I can't. I can't take them to the beach because it's like this, I'm like, I'm just too much anxiety. I wanted to actually funny brought that up. I wanted to do a test today, but now I want to. But my point was to get inside a dad's mind who remembers the movie Minority Report with Tom Cruise. If you ask anybody that's mainly not a dad. But I mean maybe it's the same with moms. But if you ask someone who doesn't have kids,

what was your favorite scene from them? I mean, what's your favorite scene that you remember from that movie? I thought that movie sucked. Asked me, because I'm Okay Brooks, what's your favorite scene? So I think I've seen the movie. Favorite scene? What's the scene that you remember? The one I remember is just he was driving some badass BMW is the only really one And you ask anything on the windshield he can move things or something, And you ask any dad Minority Report. You guys, feel free to

correct me if I'm wrong. Tom Cruise does a scene he goes he's playing with the son at the pool. He goes underwater, he comes up and his son is gone missing forever. And so I thought that was just me but I've talked to plenty of people, and after a certain time he came up with somebody else, and I was like, I thought I was the only one that that was burned in my brain so badly. So when I go to a park, when I go at any pore, I'm mono focus. I cannot I'm constantly scanning.

And it's like that is a stress that goes with me everywhere. It's like every time you're in public, seems like that just stick with me. My wife tells all of our friends, Ryan would love it if if our son was just in a padded room all day and he he doesn't want him to get and I'm like, yeah,

I like, I don't want him to get hurt. I love him so much that I don't want him to smash his face or bust his teeth on a curb as he's like running too fast in a park that I don't know that there's actually a dip here, or there's a hole here, or a sprinkler head here. So yes, I am constantly anxious when we're at a park, and that like, does that make me a bad person? No? I love him so much that I don't want him

to get hurt. Sorry for caring. And you know I would say this, I would say this, the maternity instinct gets a lot of love, as it should. I mean without the maternity instincts, oh my goodness, I mean you. I mean they are nurturers that they nurture, but the main men can't nurture. But I love the maternity instinct. But there is a paternity instinct, and I think priority number one for the paternity instinct is to be protective. We have a protective thing that we want to protect

and provide. There's a lot of peas in there. It's a great alteration. Actually, it's just come a paternity. Paternity instinct is provide and protect, And for me, I want to create a protective environment to where like there's Plia del Ray is the name of the park, and they have this where you're facing here and this long big fences like this and all the stuff is in front of you. Anybody comes in, it's got to come from behind so you see everything. I'm good, I'm just chilling.

I'm the best dad. But if I'm in the open park, baby, can we get out of here? Because you can't? I can't. Yeah. Oh that's a lot of heat boys were talking about No, I just agree. I mean, I rest my case. That's why I thought it was like yeah, And and the guys were a little offended when I said, you're lying and they're like, we're not lying. And I'm like, okay, fine, you're right. You told half truth. They did not tell

Brooks the whole truth. And I think, look, we can have many episodes about it, but there are real hard challenges with parenting, and I just think we're not doing what this show is how men think if we don't talk about the things. You're right. You're right though, But but he asked, I'm thinking about becoming to dead. I would never stand in a way from from a man, especially someone established and a decent, good guy. I would never stop him for being a dad. So I will

get to that. It's such a man thing to think that telling the truth would stop him. Why did I have to jump out with Hey, listen, when you're driving on a road trip, the same thing that makes you want to drive into a poll is the same thing that won't you love your kids. Sometimes they drive your nuts, but you're not, you know, but you're protecting them. I'm not going to jump out and tell him all this

horrible stuff. I say, I'm kind of with Amy. I'm kind of with Amy that you kind of because I remember my boy, my former teammate, Ricky Sharp, and I used to talk to him real talk about marriage and how the challenges a marriage. He goes, Man, when I talk to you, I don't know if I want to get married. He got married, and good because it allows him to understand the challenge because look, for everybody says, oh my gosh, it was just the best thing. It's

the best and the toughest thing ever. And I think I want to put toughest thing first. You know. It's like it's tough when you bring in two worlds. It's you know, just it's tough. And but I wanted to give him the real because I think when you paint this this picture of beauty, that it creates false expectations, and then when it doesn't work out the way you know that expectation, then things start to crumble. You start snapping, because, as Brooks, do you want kids any less today than

you did last week? Probably more? But in defense of these guys, I asked them questions like, what is the greatest thing about being a father. Like thirty minutes that we talked about father, So I didn't get into the missing kids aspect of it. Yeah, but I appreciate like, and it's probably a tough topic even to discuss that as a dude, like discuss your kids going missing or the possibility of your kid getting hurt, Like, it's got to be incredibly difficult to even discuss it. So we

have to. I know, I know, And so that is what we are doing. Yeah, Okay, I love it. Okay, that's the end around one ding ding dinging. We gotta take one more quick break, stick around for a couple more minutes. We talked about it all the time on this show. We are not afraid to discuss our bathroom habits with you guys. I'm in there a lot. I've told you that many times before. Rick, he doesn't go as much as I do, and that's terribly unfortunate for him.

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Get your bills under control, bank what you save and take control of your finances or loan from best egg dot com. Visit best egg dot com slash think best egg dot com slash think best egg dot com slash Thank. Okay, while we're on break, Ryan just raised the hes a story he was Now, I want to just tell you, like the laundry list of things that will stress you out and maybe you'll form your opinion as to whether

father it sounds good. But just recently we we were told you want to get your kid into swimming lessons as soon as possible and get them comfortable being in the water. So from like eighteen months we got our son into a swim lesson one on one with this person, and the other week she was taking him and he's eighteen months old and she was dunking him under the

water and he was like. I was sitting there and my wife was like, I don't know if you can be here for this, Like you're stressing me out your reaction to this. And I'm like, she's dunking him under the water. He's coming up gagging like coughing. She that the instructor comes up. She's like, I'm watching him. I don't see any airbub well, he's not inhaling, And I'm like, the kid is going to like die on your watch. And it was so I pulled him out of classes altogether,

and he's no longer swimming. He may never swim the rest of his life. Fine, he's going to be on land. You'll be fine. I remember as a kid getting dunked. They're like, Okay, now your face is going to go underwater and there's push you underwater. You kind of come out all right, Well, you clearly lost a lot of brain cells and explains a lot. Then I became an athlete, made a ton of money. That's all right, well documented

on the money right right? Okay? Uh, gentlemen, I want to thank you for your your insight into fatherhood and I appreciate that and I'll certainly lean on it in in the future. Uh when I hopefully become a father one day. Uh akbar man, You're just a breath of fresh air. Dude. Thanks for coming in. Thank you vingate? Can I stay real quick? Uh? My, my all my kids and my wife and I we watch American Nage of Warrior. We have American Nage of Warrior Monday Nights together. My son

does an impression of you guys. Are you and Matt hosting? And for Christmas he wants a warped wall, so keep doing the huge fans all right, Thank you appreciate that. Tell your son I said, hello, um, where can people find you? Because your message is incredible. I want people to be able to find you. Where can people find you? Are you on social yep, I'm on social um, even though I wish Social a a a quick and painful death. But I am at a bar a k b A R underscore baja g b A j A. I had

to shorten the last name or nobody would follow me. Um. But yeah, that's all. Those are all my handles for Twitter and Instagram. I tried doing the snapchat but it's there, but I don't I don't know how you want to give your phone number in case anyone wants a quick phone bone or no, I'm married, down man, I'm married. Those days are gone. And what about the book Everyone

Can Everyone Can Be a Ninja? You can go to Barnes and Noble, Amazon wherever books are sold, UH, and you can purchase your copy of Everyone Can Be a Ninja. I was inspired to write this book after seven years of watching these ninjas go through obstacles. It made me realize about the obstacles in life that we all have and some of the stuff that I learned from the ninja's I utilize that in giving life lessons on how

to overcome obstacles in your personal life. I talked about mine, I talked about my good friend Alison Felix who's an Olympic world class athlete, former teammates, and some of the ninja's. I augment those stories and I try to tell a powerful story that will hopefully motivate people to live their best life UM and to never give up UM even if they got a warped wall in front of them uh in life. I love it, man, love your mission. Thank you so much. Your wife Crystal has a very

good man. She's very thank you. Thank you very much. Come back one day with us. Yeah, man, and and any and seriously, I mean, just hit me up. I mean this, this is this is my wheelhouse. I I love talking about this because I think more conversations like this should be UM, should should be done because it's

just not happening enough. And hopefully that this platform will more evate and armed men to be able to have this discussion not only amongst their boys, but at home with their wives, their partners, whoever, so we can change the narrative for in a positive way. I love it. I love it. Man. If you have a for Father's Day and if you have a lead on a warped wall, I'd really appreciate that. Okay, I know a bunch of

ninjas who can make one perfect. That's it for this episode, a bar, thank you so much, but he would love to have you back in here until next week. Rian you do it best, Bark, get ready to roll your eyes. Take away care of one another, love one another, and we'll see you right back here for another episode of How Men Think like that All