Fatherhood: Part 1

I really value your perspective. Well, I secretly I do tell people that I hosted, but I'm happy to do that. I'm happy to do that. But publicly I say I co hosted. But I think we're great, we company, we have complimentary skills. My man, I feel that way, but you did. I did listen to the one that I wasn't there and you hosted it amazing and you were like, he needs me now, he needs now. It actually surprises because I'm like, I don't have to do all the

heavy lifting here like I always have to do. I can, Yes, you do know you just play that way because you know, I'll do it. I like the way you do your lifting because you exercise. So also here with us, Rick Dmitri, what's up, good sirs, what's going on? We're not co host We're more like the little brother that picked up the other extension and just listening in on the conversation and says things that is not true, that is absolutely

not true. You guys are the senior We hang up, and hang up and run downstairs and tell mom, you guys are the senior statesman of the podcasts. I agree with that. What do you mean? That's all I have to the senior states don't. I don't like the term senior though, because it makes it sound like they're old and they're not old. Yeah, thank you. We actually we are. We are the older ones. They're No. I do feel relatively old. I mean I have some great hairs right here.

You great hairs? Doesn't look like man? Those? Yeah, I don't know. Those. I'm gonna get the advice from the wife clip. Those kind of get the advice. Okay, dude, we have a super exciting topic today. I'm actually really I propose this to Amy and Danielle, our producers. This was something that's been on my mind, well really my

whole life, but really on my mind. It's sort of come to me, and I'm noticing it naturally organically coming to me more and more in the last month, to the point where I wanted to have a conversation about it. Why is the sky blue? Is that it is not yet? What? I don't have the answer, but blue is my favorite color? Why are there white clouds the blue sky? Now we're on it's not here is the topic, and I'm really looking forward to this, guys. Fatherhood, Yes, fatherhood. That is

the topic of today's podcast. It's been something awesome my whole life. I mentioned this on the podcast before. I believe my greatest destiny and desire in this world is to be a loving husband and a father. And I want to be a good father, a great father. I want to be an amazing father to my kids, and I want to be an amazing, amazing husband to my wife. And that's not saying I'm perfect, that's just saying those are my desirables in life. That's the thing that I

value the most. And I've always known I wanted kids, but I've always been like, I'm not ready for it. It's not here yet. It's not the time of my life yet. But now it's started to come to me a little bit more. Where I'm looking at you know, Gav We've talked about this a little bit. I'm looking at fatherhood in a different way that I've never looked at it before. So I want to do a podcast on it. I like it. That's good. So you're thinking, you're thinking, you maybe it may be time starting to

think about it. Yeah, for the first time. I always like, for the first time, it's becoming possibly real, is it? Because you see rick Ryan and myself, and you're like, I want to be like those guys. I do you and you and you and Ricky Ryan. So it's it's very this podcast very timely because right now Ryan's actually not with us because his wife is due any day,

any day with their second child. And that's a crazy that's a crazy feeling to be moments at any moment, you can all of a sudden have another child like brought into this world. Like he has to plan all these things. He's like, I can't go do the podcast because it's too far away in l A traffic. I

can't get back. Whatever it may be. That's pretty crazy when you have to work your life around the fact that your child could come into this world at any moment, and you're like, I can go to the store, but I can't go do this. I gotta be around just in case. And that's where he is right now. And I think that's pretty cool. Can I ask you crazy question? Wouldn't be the first throw a wrench in this? Okay,

So you love your wife differently than you love your child? Correct? Yeah, Second the child comes out, who do you love more? Why is the competition? But oh, it's got to be competition. So you just love him differently. It's it's a different kind of that's really interesting. One you love them equally, you can love them equally, but it's a different kind of love. So it's not even the same scale. So because okay, let me touch on that. You guys both

said that, I've never heard this concept before. How how do you love your child differently than your wife? What is like just unpacked up for me? For me, You're you're taking care of that that person, that child, whereas you are taking care of your wife. But but she's like a part you fell in love with her, Like there's there's a a love of trust, an attraction. Um you know, like that's a different type of feeling or a different type of love than you have with your child.

Whereas your child you have a different type of love where you are actually bringing that person into the world and your job is to make sure they're safe and then teach them sort of the ways of how life should be. And they don't you think it is and they have at the very beginning, sorry to me, at the very beginning, they are absolutely helpless nothing. I mean it's a little tiny. They rely on you for everything everything.

I'll tell you what that is. That's something you thought you were motivated by hockey and by that and win in a Stanley Cup. When you have a kid and you realize that this child dependent on you and they're gonna, they're gonna, they're surviving because of you, and they're learning from you, and everything you do is is you know for them, that's that's a motivation, Like you've never felt that. That's something you haven't felt in hockey or or anything

like that. So when you have a kid, what is the most what is the most moving element of the hold on my calls? When you have a child, what is the most moving element of the birth of the child, and not necessarily, not necessarily the physical birth of the child, but the existence of this new person. Is it that it's it's in your image. Is it that you get the opportunity to create a world possibly better than the one you came into through this person? Is what? Is

there an overwhelming particular thing that supersedes all other sensations? Well, to make it a little bit lighter, I was always thought it was weird while I was in the hospital, all that to drive a car you need to get a permit, you need to take a test, and you need to have a license to when you you can drink alcohol, you have to wait until you're a certain age or you're eighteen. You're like to have a child, you don't need anything. You don't there's no license, you

don't have to take a test. So when I was in the hospital with the baby, I was like, if something happens, I don't know how to I mean, we were reading books and learning how to do CPR and everything, but like you're really like, what's what's next, you know, And to me, I always kind of thought that was funny or kind of strange. Um like I wish there was maybe there should be some sort of a test that you have to take before you are allowed to have a kid, but you don't, So just I agree

with that. The problem with that is, um, you don't like you're never fully prepared to be a parent. Like it's not like, Okay, I I know what I'm doing. Now I can have a kid, and now everything is

gonna be fine. And it's actually my sister UM wrote an article called Birth of a Parent, and she's were actually writing the title birth of a Parent and she's writing a she's writing a book to it, because she said she didn't realize, you know, she just dropped her oldest son off of college, and she said when she left him and he went about it, all of a sudden, she felt like there's there's this whole chapter and she realized that when you give birth, or when you know,

when you become a parent, everything is about the kid. All these books about what to do, but it's like you don't know how to handle this because you've never done it before. And there's all these things in life that you figure out as you go. And I think the problem with that, I agree with too many people can possibly like it's I know you're saying it's funny you can drive. You have to pass the test to

have an automble bill. But the thing is you're you're never fully prepared to be a parent because you're learning as you go and and once you have a kid, it's not like, Okay, that's it, I got my license, because as each thing happens, you're going to change and adapt to life along with them differently because you're both learning different things. But you're gonna realize a lot of things when when you have a child that you didn't realize,

that you never thought you'd even think about. And it's not like when you if you had a boy, it's like a little clone of yourself, you know, Like I mean, you you think that, but there could be completely different from what you want or expect or trying to whatever influence in a certain way. So okay, so I have a question. Let's go back to the beginning of this. So I'm starting to feel to actually feel drawn towards fatherhood. I'm looking at that real seriously, what does that look

like like? Am I? Am I Gavil? We've talked about this. Am I a good enough person? Have I done enough work and personal development to be able to be a good enough resource to bring a life into this world. And I don't know if you're ever nobody who's ever ready or qualify whatever that, but am I do? I feel that I'm confident enough to become a father in your general because you guys have kids. Rick you have two kids, Dmetr you have four. Ryan's about to have

his second. How did you, guys, before you were fathers the first time? Were you at a stage in life because a lot of our community is probably in this area where they're looking at kids. Um, were you ready? Did that feel ready? Were you never ready? Like? How did the transition to becoming parents come for you? We were talk about it with my wife and I had talked about it, and we're like, Okay, we're at the point in our in our lives and our marriage where

we're we're ready to have kids at this point. How long have you been married? We had been married. Um, well, I'm blinking, Okay, we've been married four years? Okay, Um? And we were like, so, I guess between three and four because I think she was born. My daughter was born around the fourth year, but so it was around the time, and we thought, okay, we were ready. Okay, we think we're ready. This is what this is the next step we want to take. So we did and

then um did everything that you normally do. You learn what you learn, you go to the classes and you think okay, and then man, when when my daughter was born, there was a terrifying moment because all of a sudden you're like, well, there's no margin for error, like I can't screw this up. Um. But but that's what I'm saying. But you learn, you know as you go, and and I'll be honest, I feel like my my first daughter, I feel like she almost knew that we were first

time parents. And I think I think the first time first kids. I think they you guys, She's like, why don't you guys take an app I'll drop a deuce in a little while after you get up. But it was like she I think she she knew, and she took it easy on it because we were learning and and those things that you're terrified about. There were some moments where we're like, holy crap, but it just it just worked out. Rick. What about you did did you talk about with your spouse? Was there a moment in

your life. Were always ready to be a dad? Were you never ready to be a dad? Yeah? I don't know if I was. If we were always ready to be, you know, to be a dad, you know. I think there definitely was a time when I hit I was thirty two when I had my first kid, But my wife and I were married for four years before we had our first son, um, and it was I think those are conversations that we had before we even got married, you know, like when you're dating and you're hanging out

with that person. It was like, hey, you know, I want to have kids. Like my dad, I was a pediatrician, so we were always he was awesome, awesome in taking care of us, but also in a bunch of other people within the community. Um, and so it was a very I always just always had this kind of inclination of like how to raise kids in my my upbringing, and so I was always excited to have a child.

I don't know if you're ever ready. I think Dmitri's point is once you actually take the child home and then they're a little baby, you're like, what do we do now? And you start kind of figuring it out. But um, we were excited and yeah, we were we were ready. I mean we were, Um, I think we were about thirty, about four years before or after we were married when we had a kid. Yeah. Do you think in your life you want kids? No doubt. You know, it's funny because I have a dog, only a dog.

I didn't want a dog. I found a dog, and uh where he found you, he found me. And my life is way richer with my dog, you know what I mean than it was without my dog. Um. I can't imagine how much more fulfilling it would be to have a person, you know, like my own kid, and that would be pretty awesome. So yeah, I'm feeling that. Do you have any idea how many do you think you'd want? Um? Have you given that any? All of

the babies? You are difficult? I think you know, when you see families that have a lot of kids, it seems now this is just just me not knowing anything about it. Um, it seems like it would be easier the second once you have kind of more of them, because they sort of help you raise the other ones. Do you know what I mean? You know, it's one thing to have one or two, it's another thing to have like five. Well, now you've got an oldest kid who's helping with the chores and helping with this and

that with the other kids. I mean, it's sort of so it may sound silly, but no, I was the last you're raising your your raising helpers, you know, Brooks. Let me ask you, what's your biggest not concerned, but what's your biggest kind of nerve racking moment of entering fatherhood or thinking about entering fatherhood. So my whole life I you guys know this as a professional hockey player.

So I wanted to be able to commit fully to that and in doing that through a large part, basically through my twenties, my entire twenties, I didn't have any sort of personal life, had no connection, had no personal life really. UM. And I knew that that would or I'd hope that that would come later down the line. And I always told myself i'd probably be I figured i'd be thirty five before i'd have kids. Um. At thirty five, you're on the tail end of your career

most likely. UM. And I wanted to have enough space in my life to devote that space to being the type of father that I wanted to be. So I didn't think I could do that in my twenties while I was devoting all this time to hockey, which is what selfishly full transparency, selfishly I fully wanted to do. I needed to do that for myself. And so now that I'm thirty six, um, I feel I do have the space in my life. But now it's it's also

a new time for me. Now I'm not an athlete, I'm not playing hockey, So what does life look like now? There's still a uh figuring out process of a new identity for myself and also with my wife, like our relationship, it's a new ideentity for our relationship as well. Um, what's my biggest fear? I don't know, just just bringing a life into this world. And I'm also really curious to like I know there's gonna be an immense amount

of blessings. Like I played with teammates, had guys come to the rink, some of the toughest guys I've ever known in the world come to the rink and they tell you the story about when their daughter was born yesterday, and they break down crying because it's there, like your life change is the moment that life is born and like, man, I believe have massive hearts like they just do and I've seen it, um, and my my concern is just like, are we together ready to bring a life into this world?

There's no going backwards from this, there's no going backwards from this. Are we ready to bring this life into the world? And then a question that I do have is that we talk about the blessings all the time, but what what is life individually for myself, for my wife and our relationship look like when we have this kid? And it's a question I what, like what is it? It's not it's not a negative, like what does having

a kid cost you? Like I haven't explored that. I know it's gonna give me blessings, But what things are am I gonna sacrifice or lose in our in my life and my relationship? That's what I want to ask you. Guys. You're gonna lose about forty five minutes of squats, that's what you and still be in better shape than the rest of Yeah, you're gonna cry so steep like like sleep. Everybody says you're gonna get used to not sleeping, Like

is that you know what? That's that's the biggest thing that people say, and to me it is a big deal. But I think it's become such an overblown thing. You adapt to it. Look, I mean, I don't know what you you know what you sleep now, but it's like that's the thing that everyone always goes to get ready to get used to not sleeping. It's like, yeah, but you you adapt to it. Like, I know sleep is important, We've talked about that. But that to me, like, it's fine.

You your life is going to change. But the fact is that if your wife and you are both on that same page and you're like, we're taking this step together, it's gonna be fine. Like, yeah, your life is gonna change. You're not gonna go out on any random night all the time. You're not gonna maybe you'll who you hang out with, you'll have different things in common, so you might adapt more to a different group. Your life will change like that. But it's not because you're being forced

to you. You having this discussion alone means that you're processing this and so you'll you will be ready when that happens, and you will be You will accept that whatever your life is that you make it, there's no rules. It's not like, oh, you're you have a kid, you go out one night a month, that's not it. You'll make it work. It depends on your support system, if you have family in town or whatever. So that's that's all. The other thing I was gonna say is you want

to sacrifice whatever you can for that child. So you're willing to sacrifice sleep, You're willing to give up your night out, you're willing to get because you want to be with that child or you want to that. I mean, it's your job to raise that child, and you want to be with him. You know, it's not like you're just they're not You're just not a worker, like you're there because you want to be with him. Can I

simplify it. I don't go out most of the time anymore because I like hanging out at the house with my dog. Yeah that's really weird. I imagine if you have a kid, your own kid, You're like, yeah, I'm not going out and I love hanging out with my kids. Maybe for sure what I made you just want to be at the house with your with your kid. Can I tell you a story on this and my dog we don't even talk. You know, it's commands zero. Can

I tell you a cool story. This just happened. So Dmitri and I just had lunch downstairs, and Dmitri was telling me a story because we were talking about this Fatherhood podcast, and Demitri is telling me the story how the other morning was super chaotic, super chaotic, whatever is going on at the house whenever he's like, I just gotta get these kids to school and drop them off

and then I can be alone for a second. And he said when he was dropping his kids off at school, he just had a thought like he's I'm gonna miss my kids. I'm not going to see them for a couple of hours and that's a routine day of school. And I look up to that in respect. That so that he dropped his kids off at school and he loves them so much that he's like, I don't even want you to go because I'm gonna miss you that much.

That I told you that in confidence. I'm kidding, but that's I love that man, like I love that I have. I have more respect for that than anything else. And that's the thing. It's like, you're working your tail off in the morning, trying to get four kids out the door, and it's you probably had like maybe a half a cup of coffee. But at the second you drop them off, you're like, dang, I want to be with them. Yeah, that's how That's the love that we were talking about

at the beginning, and that's exactly what happened. It was I was like I gotta get I just gotta get them there. And it's literally as I'm pulling away from schools like, man, like I missed someone, like I want to have to wait a few hours to see him again. And I thought, man, why, like why was I so concerned with like getting him there by eight twenty or this and that. It's like and I had a flash to an overall picture of life and I was like, man, I bet you there's people that are like why did

I rush through all these years? Now? My kids graduating high school? Like where did that time go? And that's the other thing is I feel like there's different stages that are both good and bad. You know, at the beginning, you're not getting sleeve because they're a little baby. They're waking up every two hours to get fed, and you're like, oh, this sucks. And you know, I think there's other challenges

at different stages of their life. You know, obviously there's the walking and then then falling, and then riding a bike and they're falling and you know, skin knees and whatever. Then they get older in their teenage years, and then it's they're falling they you know, in their teenage years. And then it's you know, puberty and girlfriends and boyfriends, and then it's like they're driving a car, and like, to me, those are bigger problems than waking up every

two hours and feed your baby. Like that's when to me, life becomes serious. It's like, okay, yeah, am I gonna let my son, who just got his driver's lice in sixteen, drive to San Francisco and drive over the Golden Gate Bridge And you know, like that's scary to me right now. I mean at the time, it won't be. I'll be like, yeah, hear the keys, get a hell out of here. Um, I want to dig more into this. I appreciate your guys insight on this. We need to take quick break

and we'll be right there back from break. This is how men think. I am Brooks like, and we're here with Gavin Rick Dmitri and Ryan is expecting the birth of his second boy, I believe, which I understand he's naming Brooks. I don't think he'll probably not. But just before break, Rick, you had touched on like different stages

of life. Um And one thing that just popped in my brain overbreak was I remember asking my dad my dad took us, My parents took us camping and fishing all the time growing up, and it's left an imprint on our hearts with so many memories from it. My brother and sister and I all to this day camp fish like we love the outdoors because of our childhood and that our parents shared with it. And I asked

my dad the one time. I was like, you're in the boat with three kids under the age of nine or seven, whatever it is, and you're baiting hooks left, right and center because we're catching fish and baits fallen off. And I was like, did you ever get annoyed with that? Like that you didn't get to fish? And he goes, No, Brooks, you know what's the most honest thing I can tell you, He goes, I knew it was a stage of life

and I'd never be here again. You you guys would eventually grow up where you could bait your own hooks, take your own fish off, and you would never need me to do that again. And I always remember that how appreciative he was of stages of life that you talk about like a kid in a diaper, Like changing a diaper could be a sure that you might hate, but that kids maybe you guys are like, no, you haven't changed a diaper yet. That is a stage you're dying to get out of. But a little bit just

a life. Can you guys talk about stages of life as your kids are now a little bit older, you've been through a couple of stages, like what does that look like? That's a that's a pretty great story that that, because I'm sure that happens a lot. But the fact that you went and asked him about it and then he responded, no, it's fine. You know it's fine, because this is like I don't think a lot of people get to see that part of it, even though it

probably happens a lot. I know there's a lot of stuff that that I think that I do for my kids, and it's like, sometimes it's all right just to sit back. It could be my favorite thing in the world. But seeing them do it, even if I don't get the partice space pretty great. I went to My daughter started playing fifth grade basketball the other day, and she's been playing soccer and stuff like that, but she never wanted

to play basketball. Basketball was my favorite sport. And I went there and I walked in and I saw her and I just a few minutes before pickup, and I just watched her play, and man, it was so weird to have emotions watching her play a sport that I loved. But it's like because I used to love playing it, but it was like just there was something about it, just this is your kid and they're doing something that you know brought you great joy, and it's like and

you're seeing them, You're like, that's that's pretty amazing. So I understand that when he when he says I didn't mind not doing it because you know that's something that's not going to come back, and you can to help kids do something is pretty great. Yeah. And I think a little different side of that Brooks is is like I've taken my kids out fishing and We've sat on a boat and I've baited the hooks and I've done

all that stuff. And I think it's also kind of there's a test to it, you know a little bit, so like teaching them how to do it and then seeing if they can do it themselves, but also watching them do it, like you're teaching them how to do it properly in theory. So and then they're like a lot of times the kids like no, no no, no, I know how to do it. I got it, you know, especially like a thirteen year old, So Dad, get out of the way. You know, I know how to do this,

and you're like, okay, go ahead. So like part of it's also like kind of throwing him out there and letting him fail, yeah, and being like nice, nice fishy cut buddy, you know, and you know you wouldn't be so snarky about it. But it's also like letting them go through that that learning path or lack thereof to actually then turn around and be like Dad, you know that, not that I tied that, knot that you showed me like that to me. Hits the heart and that's what

I that's what I love. It's um, this is completely different, and it's just the world I live in. So we have we have a not quite two year old husky dog, and our dog trainer gave me some great advice. She's like, you don't want his obedience, you want his devotion. You don't want him to just follow commands, because then he can't think for himself. And so with our dog. And that's one thing I've been thinking about a lot lately,

is like I get to teach this young mind. If I have a child, I get to teach this young mind the world. Like they need to learn to say please and thank you. They don't know that, like we know that parents taught us that, or or um just like what a dog is, or show them the ocean for the first time or anything like that. Like I get to share the world and expose this mind to the world. And that's something that's been on my brain a lot. But I also want to let them think.

I want to like expose them to things. And one of the that's I think one of the things I'm most excited about is exposing this new child to things in the world and watching how they perceive it, and then making the child listen to how men think and no to be honestly, and they won't say thank you, and they won't there'll be times where they will not say please, and you're like, oh, right, it's wrong with you, you know, like I taught you that, you know, or mom did, or you know you need to you know.

And it's the times where you're not there and your friend comes up to you, you know, and he's like, hey, you know what your son he was awesome today, Like he shook my hand. He was a firm handshake. He was so sweet. He said please, he said thank you. And it's like when you're not there that's the part that really touches me where it's like, dude, yeah, like you've we taught him right for we're We're I was

just at a family reunion. My mom and dad just celebrated the wedding anniversary and I sat down with my sister and brother in law and their three kids. My nieces are my niece and twin nephews Callie, Alex and Raett. And they ordered their meal. They're like, I'd like the

chicken fingers, please and thank you. And the next one said, I'd like the blah blah blah please and thank you, and the next one all three of them said, and I was just like wow, like your kids are I was so impressive, Like you clearly that's a taught behavior. And their kids at a restaurant at a public place new to be polite, and all three of them said please and thank you. That is great, beautiful. I was

blown away. What's it like when you what's it like when you share something like that or you teach your kids something like that? Like you just touched on it, Rick, But like, what are some of your favorite things that you guys have personally shared or taught your kids. For my dad and I, it was hockey and fishing. Those were two things we really bonded over, really bonded over. We're hockey and fishing. I mean, I don't know, especially

with four kids, I think there's a lot of different things. Yeah, it does. I mean, it's just but that restaurant example was was was good and it's like when my kids are polite when we got One day, we got an email from the teacher at school and she said, listen, I just want to let you know that, um, your daughter did something that we, myself and the other teacher

deemed was exceptional. She noted, we have a little time where we go round in a circle and we say something whatever you're thinking, And she said she noticed that there was another student who had been a little whatever, and he had made at some point he made a point that he wanted to be better about something with himself, maybe was talking when he's not supposed to or something that, and she took her turn to say, Hey, I just want to say that I noticed that you did that,

that you're that you're making an effort to do that and that it's working. I just wanted to give you a little you know, support for that, that that's noticeable.

And so they were like the act that this this was fourth grade at the time, he said, the fact that this fourth grader took their turn to point out to another classmate that that supporting him, that they noticed something that he was working on for himself, They said, we just wanted to make sure that you know, and so that I was floored by that, Like I should have, Like I wanted to print out that email, but you don't because you don't hang up there's tons of things.

You don't hang everything on the hall. But I was like, and that was a personal thing, But I was like, that to me was like a lot. Damn, that's pretty great. The child that you love more than the other children, ye know, it depends on the day by the way. That's a good point because listen, we're making everything sounds so fairy tale is here. It's like, by the way, kids can be a pain in the ask, dude, Not everything is easy. Not everything. I mean, is there anything

cuter than a kid making up their own knock knock joke? Yeah, because it sucks when the kids like knock knock, who's there and they're like peanut butter. I like peanut, but it's like, that's not a joke, so they do something and listen, just because you're a parent, Just because you're a parent does not mean you're immune. It doesn't mean that you're immune to things like being annoying. So don't get this. We're not sugarcoat and everything here, Like it's tough, man.

There are times when you're like my kids annoying me. But I mean that happens. I have a question. You're a bad dad. Oh you heard that one will trade family for new So here's a serious question. This is a This is a serious question because, um, my mom and I are very much alike. My mom and I are like even like visually genetically like, my mom and I are very much like. And then my brother and sister are more like my dad in personality, visually like

like physical, all of that. Um, it's very easy for me to connect to my mom and my dad and I connect through doing things through sport or through hockey or fishing. UM. As a parent, do you find that it's easier to connect to one of your kids than one of your other kids? Do you next to them

all the same? There's it different? Like is it just easier with one you just that you get them or they get you, and it's difficult to connect to you know, Like I think it again at different stages, there are times where it's hard you do connect with one versus the other. But looking at their thirteen and ten right now, like we both we all get along, like we all connect in our certain ways. UM. And with my son it's through athletics, and it's through watching sports and playing

sports and riding bikes and fishing. And with my daughter it's skateboarding and it's jokes and you know, we I don't can't say that there's one versus versus another. I think maybe later on as they get older, like in their twenties or thirties, is when I'll be like, okay, yeah, I'm more like my daughter or or whatever, you know, whereas right now, I think we share a lot of very common we're all kind of in the mix of everything right now, the family, And so no, I don't

see it. It's funny. Yeah, I agree, it's funny because people say, like, how how do you like how do you not favor one over the others? Like just because they came from they may have the exact same parents. I mean, look at your siblings whatever. Each child has something different that's that's special about them. And so I connect with my kids on with different things. You know, one maybe sports one maybe you know, jokes, one maybe

just that they're supersensitive. So it's like, each child is different, and you will and you will appreciate that special thing that each of them has. So it's never like it's never like, oh that's why parents that are like, well why don't you do this like your sister, It's like because they're not them, like they're their own person and and and you will. I think you'll recognize each individual characteristics that are special of that child and you'll connect

on that. And that's why it's not it's not how do you not love one more than the others because they're just different and you love them each individually. That being said, Brooks, I will say my wife is really into rap music and my son is really into rap music. Yeah, and I can't listen. I mean I can kind of get there, but not like on that level, you know,

not on that level. I have a brother in law, Like I I watched I watched people closely, especially like father especially now because this is President on my brain. I I watched teammates that were fathers Um. I watched them closely. And my brother in law, Michael has a fifteen year old boy, our our nephew, Aiden, Um. And what I appreciate about Michael is Michael will get into

whatever Aiden's into, so it's not it might like. Uh. They just came to l A to visit us and went to this concert called Suicide Boys and it's less weird music that I've never heard and Michael's never heard it, but he got an outfit for it. They got tickets for it, and they were going to go and jump in the mosh pit and Michael was going to do this with and did this with a And it's something that I respect is that I asked him about I'm like, how do you do that versus just dropping your kid

off and say I'll pick you up after. He's like, I want to be into what my son is into. So even if it's not my thing, it matters to him him and so if it matters to him, it matters to me. And I just thought I was so powerful. I was like, Wow, that's versus just looking at the world through your lens. Okay, you do your thing. I've always loved watching parents that engage and play and do

things with their kid versus just parents. By the way, if you don't find that common ground, if you don't meet in the middle like oh, it's I don't like it, but he likes it, So I'm gonna give a try, that's gonna that. That's gonna widen. And as your kid gets older, there's gonna be more stuff that he likes to do that you don't like to do. And then you then you're gonna be like, well, why aren't we close? Yeah, And as a parent, I can tell you don't want that.

You don't want to grow up and be like, oh, my kid doesn't want to be with me, or I don't understand my kid start start you know, make that effort, find that middle ground. You may not like it, you may go to the concert the mosh pit and hate it, but you know what, the kid's gonna notice that you did it. Back from break, we're talking about fatherhood, fatherhood.

I love the show, guys, has been awesome, and we now have a friend of the show here with and on on the break here just asked a fantastic question, like, dude, you gotta come on and ask that. So, So I have three kids, three kids how old? Eight six and four? Two girls and a boy. Awesome. So I was wondering

as I'm listening to you guys chat. You know, one one thing that comes to mind with me is my kids are getting a little bit older now, and you start thinking about kids that are bad influences on your kids. So what do you guys think about that? I'm going I'm going through that right now. Yeah, I mean there's definitely um you just honestly speaking, you just gotta let him make the mistaken and then have that talk for them. I mean, you you want to as they walk out

the door. You can't be like you. I don't think you can necessarily control who they're gonna hang out with you can to some extent, but you gotta. As I go through this mentally, I'm like, okay, I just gotta

let it him stub his toe. I agree with that, but I will hedge the bet a little bit myself, and I will have a conversation with my kids and if they're if I know they're going or they're hanging out with someone that's I mean minor, your minor, your age, except I have one that's tens or ten, eight, six and three. Um. But it's like sometimes I'll be like, listen this, maybe this happened at school or said, you know,

I just think about that. You know, I just I'm not telling you do what you want to do, but I want you to just think about, you know, what you're doing and how that might affect other people or something. Just a kind of plant to see you. Now leave the thinking up to them, because then at least they're not going into hanging out with the other kid or whatever situations. It is blind and like not thinking about repercussions. It's like, listen this, you know, I know you like

this girl in your class. She's nice and you guys are friends. But it's I don't know, if she's necessarily the nicest to some of the other kids, and you know, think about think about if someone was picking on your little brother or and your little sister or something like that. Keep that in mind when you're doing this, because when you're hanging out with her, because there's someone on the other end that may be feeling the results of this.

Just think about that. And I'm not telling you can't hang out with her, but I want you so, And I'll plant the seed that they can whatever it is that and then they'll, you know, maybe they'll make that decision. That's that's at least one. The other thing I was gonna say is where my son's now. He's hanging out with you know, with a with a friend and the friends good, but the parents and the parents are good.

But you know, they're big drinkers and they've got an open bar at the house and it's a pretty common social area where everybody hangs out. We go over there. But being thirteen, I'm concerned about that later, you know, now, or even later on where it's like, hey, I'm over at what's his name's house and you know, my parents are gone. Let's you know, my dad, I know where

my dad keeps his vodka. You know, like that part starts to creep in on me, and I do to your point, Neil or your question is think about do we let him go over there? You know where the parents when he's over there, you know you start so you'll equally think about the parents versus just a kid. Yeah, right, influence on. Hold on, how old are you when you had your first beer, your first drink? I'm forty five and a half and I'm gonna go downstairs and try

my first one. I mean really, I mean, you know what I mean. I mean, we were we were all kids, right, I mean, and and I certainly I wouldn't. I wasn't the worst kid, but I certainly wasn't telling everybody, no, don't don't do that, you know. And I remember, you know, drinking beers at thirteen, and you know, breaking a breaking into a place with my buddies, and you know what I mean, crol barn the lock off. And I think that kids, you know, doing that thing, and you know,

you can try to restrict it all you want. The fact is the kids. This sounds like crazy talk because I don't have kids that I know, so you know, I mean, you know, so it sounds like crazy talk, but the more you restricted, the more you're gonna be surprised. I guess. The fact is, you can try to remove the alcohol from the equation all you want, but if you don't, it's almost like you need to have a space where they can have a beer at the house.

Otherwise they're gonna go break into something like I did with my friends to go have a beer. Now that's two real fences, you know what I mean. So you know, then you get caught, you know, you may go to court, you know. So it's almost like just have a beer in the basement, you know, the house, with your coup of your buddies. Well, and I think this is a very good topic for another show too, is is it

sounds crazy drugs, alcohol, that kind of stuff. But I think to my to my point and Neil was like, we're not trying to stop it, and we're not gonna stop it. It's it's a worry that creeps into a parent's mind. Yeah, I totally understand that. I'm just I'm just pointing out I think that when you overly restrict something, you created larger perversion for it, and a larger desire for it. So when you're young and can't drink, you

just do drugs. So you know, if you don't make the beer available, uh, for them to crack open a six pack with three of their buddies, it'll be waysier for them to just go buy a joint. I mean, you know what I mean, go get some drugs. You don't know what's in that, So you know, you do know what's in the can of beer. And as far as knowing what's in something versus not knowing what's in something,

it's a safer choice. That sounds like crazy, tall, I understand what you're saying, and I think it's a matter of of communicating with them. I think it's a matter of like I I got a buddy who doesn't show his kids any TV show that has like bad language, and I'm not gonna like not show my my kids are watching, and I'll be like, listen that a lot of people don't like that word does not necessarily something you want to use. But I'm not gonna not show him.

So stuff like that. It's like, I'm not going to pretend that alcohol doesn't exist. I'm not gonna pretend that people don't drink it. Um, But I think it's a matter of just talking. If the more you commune, then they're gonna feel comfortable if they're like, hey, I was over at my friend's house and you know, he went into the bar and I tried something. It's it's gonna You're right, Kevin, that's gonna to happen. Kids are kids.

But what you don't want is you don't want your kid doing that and then feeling like he can't tell you about it, or you can or if you find out, and then how you know, like, yeah, he's probably not going to tell you. Here's here's a question, here's can I man? So these are all valid concerns from all you guys because you have kids to worry about in that capacity, right, Um, but at what age would you consider having a beer with your kid? I remember my dad had he gave me. I got my first days

to beer from my dad. Um remember how old that was? But I certainly was not old enough that I was like, you know, I do remember I think I have my first days of like nine at a ball tournament that yeah. Yeah, but but then yeah, but like a sip or having a beer sip? Can I try that he's like, yeah,

I have this weird remember it. But don't you think that by him making by the parents making it permissible in the house to have a beer with them or have a couple of SIPs with them at the dinner table at say fifteen years old, they removes sort of that mystery of it and to remove some of the quote unquote cool for sure from it, so they're not going overboard when they finally get alone with their buddies with a case of beer or whatever, like hey, whatever,

I already kind of do this with my old man or with I had to be with my mom at dinner. Anyway, it's not Yeah, it's like when you when you get to the point where you get to where you get to go to college, and then your freshman year you're just kids down the bottle of Southern comfort and you started throwing up. That's what's happening. But we've talked about this.

In Europe, there's no drinking age, right, and kids don't wait to be twenty one or wait to sneak it, and what I guess there is, but but they don't. They don't go like hog wild like I can't wait, said, They just they grow into it and they have a

glass of wine right at home with the family. I think we over restrict them here, and because we were restricting them for so long, we create we create an absolute east out of it, you know, unnecessarily because we're just strict restrict we should be restricting homemade knock knock jokes. I have a couple of questions for you guys, just and just give me you're one or two sentences you're you're just give it to be short here on this. I want to the most important answer so this doesn't

drag on. But some real interesting questions for you guys. Um kneeling, Gonna start with you. So you have three kids. What is your biggest fear about being a parent? That's a tough one. Um, I mean, I think that goes many levels, right, But for me, it is making. For me, it's making certain of my kids are making the right decisions.

And so if if I can help them and influence on the one one direction that I wanted them to go in and something that I realized that it's something very wrong and they went down in completely wrong path, that's a big fear for me. They keep for sharing that. Dmitri I think it would be that it's not to me. It's not about being like right all the time, and it's not about having them follow the way I want them to be. My biggest fear, I think would be that I'm not there for them or they feel like

I wasn't there for them. So if they, if they, I want them to know that they can always come to me, that that I'm always there for them. And I don't want them to ever think like, oh not dad let me down, like he didn't take us to the park my mother, but the dad let me down because he wasn't He wasn't there for me when I needed him. He needed to talk and I needed to talk and he wasn't there. Or I turned to other people because I didn't feel like I don't I don't

want that that that to me, that would be a failure. Rick, what's your biggest fear about being a parent. And by the way, I credit to all you guys for sharing this stuff. Is this real stuff, So that's why I wanted to have this discussion. So yeah, no, I mean my biggest fear is losing a child. That would be my biggest fear. So you have the protection umbrella always in the back of your mind, and you realize you

sort of you're helpless at some point. You know, at some point when they grow up and they're doing something, regardless of the age, you know that losing somebody like that would be that's my biggest fear. I mean, I think out of probably You're absolutely right. I think out of probably fear, I think I've completely blocked that out of my mind altogether. You're absolutely right, But it doesn't because it's that severe that you try not to even think about it. Yeah. Yeah, you try not to think

about it for sure. Gav What about you, because you said you want to be a dad, but you're not. What would be your biggest fear about becoming a father? Man? I mean all of the above, all of the above. I mean there's there's clearly, there's an endless amount of things to worry about, clearly, right. Um. And it's funny because you spoke about your dog, your dog trainer saying it's not necessarily about the discipline, it's about them exactly exactly, And um, I see that kind of from all of you.

Guys are sort of trying to deliver that same sort of leadership with your with your kids, and you can't help obviously, but be concerned about every nook and cranny of everybody's home and every environment that they're in. Right. I'm not a dad, so I don't have that level of freak out yet, right, which you can't really nobody can really wrangle that in cam they like as a parent. Right, it's an It's just an endless amount of God. I hope nothing bad happens any second of the day, right, Um.

And it kind of reminds me of hearing you guys talk about the way my father used to speak to me as a kid. Well, first of all, every day, every day I went to school, I would have to research recite the same exact things to him every day. He would say, why do you go to school? And I would have to say, to learn to listen and

to obey. And then of course it was like very rich and I didn't see to learn to listen and to obey, right, So it was like a lot of a lot of whip cracking and then uh, and then of course every time I go out with my friends, he'd say, don't make me sorry. Don't make me sorry, which was basically, you know, keep your decision making and check, you know. And he would also pull me aside and tell me things like, if anybody's driving like an asshole,

you know, tell him stop the car. I'm getting out of the car right now, you know what I mean. Never be never, never be worried about speaking up when you don't like something, yelling at somebody if need be, pulling them out if need be, you know what I mean. He really sort of emboldened me to, uh step out, step out first, and really like call people on their first you know what I mean, anything that I didn't like. He wanted me to voice my opinion aggressively. So that

was also part of the upbringing thing. And I see listening to you guys talk, I hear why now more so than ever because it's really based on protection essentially. Yeah, I think my biggest fear would be did I serve this life as well as I possibly could to give them the best chance of of happiness in the world, not success, happiness. Do they are they? And I loved what you said of like can they come Dmitri? You said, can they come and talk to me? Or can I

be their person in a time of need? Can they trust me that much that we have that good of a relationship to do it. Um, I love all of your answers. I'll say this I've heard, I've heard from different parents, and this is something I think everyone should just real quick. I think people should keep in mind it's the communication with the kids. Life is tough for kids. And I know, Gavin, you were just saying it's sometimes it's easier for boys to be the one to speak out.

Sometimes it's not easy for us. If you don't want to speak out, be the one to say, hey, I don't like this, and that's tough. But so I think you can't always rely on your kids to have that strength right away to do that. But you don't want to get them caught in a in a situation. And I think some parents have certain ways things that they do with their kids cell phones. They'll say, hey, listen, send me, text me a word and then I'll call.

If you're uncomfortable somewhere, texts me that we have a code words, text me a word, and then I'll call and pretend like I need to pick you up because it's something for me. The other thing is you know something that I'll tell my kids when it's when it's time. Hey, listen, if you're uncomfortable in a situation, send me. If if you guys are taking selfie to send me a selfie, have a little code in there, you know what I mean. Have your hand on your ear. If you're uncomfortable in

a situation you're at, send the selfie out. And if I see that your your hand is on your ear, then I know you're uncomfortable and we'll get you out of there. So I think it's tough for a kid to always just come out and say, hey, I'm uncomfortable here, and I don't want to you know, I'm out of here, guys, because that pure pressures up. So I think it's important to have that line of communication with your kids. We were like, listen, you're never alone. Even though I'm not there,

you're not alone. We gotta we got a system. We can. You know, we'll figure things out. Beautiful. Okay, I have one last question. That's awesome, and I have beautiful that. I love learning these things from you guys. You guys have been down this path. We have have one last question and we've gotta wrap this up, um real quick. If you can give me like one sincere most genuine, authentic sentence. If you can narrow it to that, would love it. Um. What is the absolute best part of fatherhood? Uh?

I remember when my son was born. I was walking down I'll probably cry. I was walking down the hospital and it wasn't even the nurse that delivered the baby at the time, but a nurse just in passing. I had all my scrubs on because my wife had a c section, and she was like, what do you have? And I was like, I had a baby boy, and she goes, You're gonna have a friend for life. Wow, And it just time. Seriously, It's like and it's true, Like I'd love it. I love my kids. That's awesome.

Thanks Dmitri Um. I mean, there's there's a lot of them. I'll just take one similar to that. Is that? Um? One night I went I know, in the first episode we did here, I told the story where my one of my kids came in and woke me up and tell me that they love me. But one night I was I walked in there, I got home late, kids were asleep, and I was like, man, you know, it's it's nice, but it's it's you know, some days it's good, you know, the kids are sleep, but you had a

hectic day whatever. But one one night I get home and I'm like, they're all asleep, and so I went in there and I just quietly said good night to all of them. And I was walking out of the room and I heard I love you too, Dad, Dad, And I was like, oh, man, like half asleep, but it still came out into me. It was like makes it all worth it? Yeah, yeah, wow, awesome. Yeah, I mean those are great, both of those. Um I would say for me also having my first child, my um my,

folks sits me. You will love that child uncondition you for the waste your life. And that's that's exactly how it is. You know, no matter what they do, no matter what they say, he'll always go back. And it's just you know, it's it's crazy love for your children. That's awesome. That is awesome. Hey, real quick, I want to say. I know we're wrapping up. I just want to give a quick shout out to my sister. Her

name is a Leaky Pappas Weakland. This article if you think about having kids, or even if you're a parent, it's called birth of a Parent. Check it out because I don't give her enough credit. As I said, I'm the last of five kids, and she helped a leaky pappas Weekland and it's called birth of a parent reading and it's time I need to give back to her because she's she's been all my siblings have been fantastic for me throughout my life. But I think it's I

can think it can be helpful. And she's writing a book too, so check it out. Um wow, that dude, Thank you so much. That was awesome. Going to go make some baby. Yeah, by the way, you can't get pregnant. I thought we made it through an episode with that coming in. But I just want to send love to anybody out there that is a parent. Um. I have so much respect for father's, mother's, anybody that is a parent. I hope to become one one day. Gave. I hope

you've become one too. I think you'd be a tremendous father. I thank everybody on the dmitri um Rick thanks for coming in, and we want to send our love to Ryan and his wife as they're expecting their second So thank you everybody for listening. It's been an awesome episode. I love guys. I hope you guys, come back next week for another episode of hell Men. Think till then, take care of one another, love one another, gath and

we'll see you next week, See you next week. Well done man, great job, guys,