S3 E02: The Chain

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Dr. Kim, are you gonna say anything? I'm processing what you just told me. It needed to stop. And you understand what this means, Leo? Of course. You'll go to jail. I should. But I won't. Why? You can't possibly think I won't report this. I know you will. But... All I'm saying is... Do what you can to stop it. Now that you have names... Of course. They're all fired. Immediately. You're fired. I need your badge. I need all of their badges. And to call Cher Fran. Jesus, Leo. I know.

Why now? Is it Jimmy? Because of the meetings I called? It's because... I don't know. It needed to stop. I needed to stop. And I don't think I could have. God, why did it ever start? It... made us feel better. presents

dispacer? Aye, Mr. Stiffs. I think it's just afternoon now. How time flies. How's your guest? Excuse me? Oh, uh, you were on pickup by yourself today? I had some personal business to attend to in the area. I didn't hear about a call. There was no call. Got it. I'm sure it's none of my business, but why not? You're right. It's not. Um, do we have a viewing date? His wife will be here in under an hour. That's not much time to... It's a personal favor, Dr. Spacer.

Not in official viewing. Do what you can. Of course. Did you know him? It wasn't a favor to him. If you could buzz me when the wife arrives, just so I can make any last-minute touches. We can talk now that Howard's gone. You saw me when I came in? I did. Not many ghosts leave the hospital with their bodies. Wasn't sure if you were... I wasn't in the hospital. Ah, you died at the scene of the accident. It wasn't an accident. Heavy bruising around the neck. I hung myself.

Hanged, technically. Not important. Do you want to talk about it? I can pass on a message to your wife. I don't. And while we're correcting people, she's my ex-wife. Got it. I'm sorry this happened to you. I did it on purpose. Statistically speaking, most near-death victims of suicide end up regretting the attempt and never try it again. Statistically speaking.

Seems my empirical evidence these days is skewed toward ghosts being glad they did it. I wonder if it's just the survivors who regret it. That wasn't for me, right? Sorry. No. Just... Bad habit. I should get started. Some people don't like seeing what happens after death. If you want to go lie down or... I've seen my share. I want to watch my own through. Of course. First, I've got to clean your body. Hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable. Leo. Leo. I'm John.

You mentioned you'd seen your share of death. Did you grow up around here? Yeah. So you were here for the 89 storms? Terrible tragedy for the town. Yeah. It's funny how many people stick around after a tragedy. You'd think after something like that people would leave en masse. You don't know anything about me. Don't tell me what I should have done. I'm sorry. I wasn't talking about you specifically. I just haven't heard of many people leaving.

I know you're not from around here. You grew up somewhere people probably leave. Here, we're tight-knit. Or we used to be. What did you do for work? You really are as self-centered as people say, huh? Excuse me? I don't know you. You should. I passed you half a dozen times on your way to Kim's. Kim's? You were a patient? Fuck you, kid. I worked in that wing. You're an orderly. Scrub nurse. Leo... Drazer. Also on my badge every day. Are you related to Jake Drazer? Not anymore.

What does that mean? He was my stepson. Before I got divorced. I can't believe I never realized his dad was right under my nose. I can. I'm sorry I didn't say hi to you in the hall or whatever, but I was kind of dealing with some bigger issues than remembering nurses' names. No offense. No offense. I was busy keeping this a secret.

and trying not to get fired because of it, which didn't work as well, along with solving what happened to the victims in this town, including your son. If I hear you talk about my family one more fucking time... Look. I'm not trying to argue or insult you. I was dealing with some stuff, as I'm sure you were too. Yet I found time to say hi. Right, I know.

I wasn't on your son's case, but I flagged him because I thought he was... Where are you going? I'm leaving. How can I start the lift like this? You'd have to use the stairs. That way.

But I don't think you should leave. Yeah? Why is that? Because your son was the victim of a serial killer. And Dr. Kim was involved, or at least knows something about it. Bullshit. It was from the storms. He grew up with that shit in his blood, then... Jake's body was flagged for investigation and then removed without being signed out. I couldn't examine him directly, but I've seen three other bodies with similar causes of death.

And I can tell you for certain it's not natural. The fuck does that mean? Like someone did it to him. I get it. I get it. God, how dumb do you think I look? I've said sorry more times in the past ten minutes than I have in a week. Can we just start over? I want to help. You really don't think it was an accident? I know it wasn't. How can you know that?

I was working with the Sheriff's Department on the case. Fran Crowley, she's on the trail of a killer who's doing this to people. Kim wouldn't be involved. Why would you think that? They're too... good. I don't know. They got morals they won't go against. I seriously doubt that. I've uncovered some- They wouldn't! Okay. Kim wouldn't have... If they did something like that, then...

I can't... I'm gonna throw up. Take a breath. Why is this bothering you so much? Because I'm dead for no reason if that's true.

They wouldn't have turned me in for what happened if they were also fucking killing people on the side. Right? What are you talking about? What did you do? I squealed at my friends. My boss. Everybody at work. About... About the abuse in the wing. Fuck. They killed Jimmy. I know he did it. But... He... He wouldn't have killed himself if we didn't... And then...

I wouldn't. I spoke to Jimmy, too. The abuse was messed up, but he wanted to die for a long time before that. He'd had a history of attempted suicide. He wasn't happy. We fucking didn't help. No, I'm sure it didn't. But you did the right thing by telling Kim, as long as they actually put a stop to it. They did. That's the problem. I don't follow. I told Kim and then quit. I got arrested and charged. So did the rest of the people involved. I got out on bail. We all did.

And I knew what we were up against. 20 to life. And I don't have that many more good years left. Plus no more license. I was screwed and I knew it. But it's fine. As long as there was some sort of justice for Jimmy. It's just... I couldn't be in jail for 20 more, you know? So I... You think that if Kim was involved in hurting people, they wouldn't have told the police on you and the abusers? Exactly. If they did, they should have let me go. Are you serious? You're laughing.

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I've seen criminals throw each other under the bus all the time. If Kim's a bad person, that doesn't mean they'd protect other bad people. Probably the opposite, in fact. By turning you in, it throws the spotlight off them for whatever other investigations might be poking around. I could have testified in whatever case you have, then. Gotten less years for being useful. Did you know anything about it? No.

But I came forward on the other stuff. Well, why did you? Because it was screwed up. And I couldn't take it anymore. After Jimmy died. You had a change of heart. You felt guilty and realized what you were doing was wrong. I knew it was wrong. I wasn't always a bad person. People make mistakes. We base our decisions around the information we have at the time. You can't really believe that. Once you pass a line, there's no coming back to the good side. Then what would have made you confess?

Why stop and punish the rest of the abusers? That guilt you must have felt, that's the thing that brings you back. You're right. I do believe there are good and bad people. But good people can do bad things. What makes them inherently good is the actions that happen afterward. You stopped terrible things from happening to other people. And while that doesn't diminish what you did...

Also means you're not irredeemable. That's Howard. Your wife must be here. Ex-wife. I'm going to put some concealer on your neck.

X or not, seeing you will be difficult even without the bruises. Leo. It's fine, John. I'm a bad person. I know it. Jimmy knew it. My wife knows it. Jimmy wasn't angry at what happened. Or at you. Jimmy wasn't the first. Or the last. He wouldn't have been the last. If not for you. Dr. Spacer, are you ready for us? Just a moment. Are you ready? No, but go ahead. All set. Mrs. Drazer, this is Dr. Spacer, my newest mortician.

He can walk you through whatever you'd like done for the viewing. Mrs. Trazer, I'm so sorry for your loss. It wasn't much of a loss. Thank you. Is that him? She didn't even like me that much. Especially not toward the end. I'm surprised she's even upset. He... hung himself. Is it... I covered up some of the bruising, but we'll do a more thorough covering for the viewing. You won't see anything that day. But for now, there is still some sign.

Have you heard what they're saying about him? God damn it. He was arrested, apparently, a couple days ago. I got a call to bail him out. I hadn't talked to her in almost a year before that. They said he was abusing patients at the hospital. Do you think it's true? We have no... Leo was the one who reported the abuse to the police. Dr. Spacer.

If we can keep this strictly to the viewing procedures... It's okay, Howard. How do you know? I used to work at Springfield General. I know some people inside the Sheriff's Department, too. He was the whistleblower. But he was still involved, right? I mean, he killed himself. That means he was guilty. Can I get you a glass of water, Mrs. Drazer? Dr. Spacer and I can leave you to saying your goodbyes. Mr. Stiffs, I... I value your thoroughness on the prep table, Dr. Spacer, but...

Do not for a moment think you can step outside your capabilities with my guest. Of course, sir. You can wait in your office. I'll be right through here if you need anything, Mr. Azer.

Regardless of what Howard says, Leo, if you want me to tell your ex-wife something, I can. She's just standing there. She's probably just in shock. I know exactly what had happened. When what happened? When I felt myself lose myself. Lose that good side of me that used to be there. Six years ago now, when Jake died. That's when Macy and I started fighting more. Jake was grown, already out of the house. We'd dealt with empty nesting or whatever, gotten through it. But when he died...

That was too much. Parents aren't supposed to bury their children. At his funeral, I lost it. I blamed her for not wanting to move away years ago when we first got married. I didn't want to stay here. I could have worked in any hospital. She wanted to stay near her parents. And I blamed her for being in this fucking town when the storms hit. Like it was her fault. And when Jake eventually died. And was...

He was fucking purple. It's all I could think about. Those storms. Being here when she was pregnant with Jake. And how, whatever we did. It didn't matter because he would have died from whatever blood disease it was anyway. The only thing we could have done was move almost three decades ago. But now... You're telling me that someone killed Jake. Not a fucking disease. A person. Why? We don't know why yet.

We think they're trying to replicate the effects of storm shock, but to one end, we're not sure. Can you tell Macy I'm sorry? Explain to her what happened to Jake, and... That I was an ass for blaming her. Leo, I shouldn't know that you blamed her for anything. I can't explain any of the stuff you told me without raising some serious questions.

Think of something. You can work around that. Just tell her I'm sorry. It's not her fault. It's possible that being here during the storms also changed your biochemistry. No one knows the effects it has on rage or- That was me. I blamed my wife. I yelled at her and isolated her. I fucking hurt sick people. Because I'm a sick person. Not because of some storm. I wasn't trying to excuse it.

Mrs. Trazer? Yes? I hope I'm not ever stepping, but I knew Leo. I worked at the hospital with him. We weren't close, but... He did mention that his biggest regret was blaming you for what happened to your son. That's a weird thing to tell someone you're not close to. I think he just really wanted to be a good person. For most of our life together, he was. I wish I could tell him that. You just did. Um, I should get to planning the details with Howard. Back up this way? Mm-hmm.

How I Died is an audio media original production created and written by Vince Dijani, directed by Chroma Secura and mixed by Eric Howell. This episode was edited by Chris Harris-Beachy with sound design by Oliver Morris. Our theme song was created by Silent Mike. Starring me as John Spacer, Shayna Waring as Sheriff Crowley, Luis Bermudez as Eric Mendez, Vin Vox as Dr. Kim, and Caitlin Roberts as Amelia.

This episode guest starred Jason Cryer as Leo Drazer, Elijah Tatum as Howard Stiffs, and Susanna Snowden as Macy Drazer. If you're enjoying the show, please head over to your favorite podcast app and give us a rating and a review. It really helps us out a ton and we definitely appreciate it.

And as always, all 13 episodes of season three are available right now to binge on patreon.com slash howidied. We'll also have free director's commentaries, which will be posted on Patreon and social medias in case you wanted to hear about more behind the scenes. Thank you so much for listening. And until next time. Alright girls, this is the place. We'll get everything loaded over to the boat and we'll lock up the truck. Don't leave anything behind. Wait, is that it? That's where we're going?

Yeah, that's it. Seal Skin Rock. Wow. Return to the mysteries in Don't Mind, Seal Skin Rock. Subscribe now to catch the premiere, and we'll see you on The Rock. You might think you know fairy tales, and you might think that they are cute and sweet and boring. But the real grim fairy tales were not cute at all. They were very dark, and they were often very grim.

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