S2 E13: A Moment of Joy

You know that one friend who somehow knows everything about money? Yeah, now imagine they live in your phone. Say hey to Experian, your big financial friend. It's the app that helps you check your FICO score, find ways to save, and basically feel like a financial genius. And guess what? It's totally free. So go on, download the Experian app. Trust me, having a BFF like this is a total game changer.

Hey, this is Vince, the creator of How I Died and the voice of John Spacer. The Season 2 finale is ahead, but before you listen, I wanted to let you know about another 10-episode How I Died miniseries called Mike and Ray's Fantastical Adventure. It follows our two favorite scientists from...

Springfield Corp., Mike and Ray Melba, in their early days of the company. The series is a How I Died premium exclusive, and it's a comedy spinoff following Mike and Ray set in 1985, years before the bubble explosion. They're new to the job at Springfield Corp, and it is a nice, light getaway from some of the darker moments of the show, with all of the traditional How I Died flair, including some cameos from then-Deputy Crowley and Dr. Kim, as you explore what led up to the explosion.

in 1989. Stick around after the season 2 finale and we're going to play the first 5 minutes of Mike and Ray's fantastical adventure. Thank you. Thank you. show notes below. Becoming a member is the best way to support the show and it helps the story continue. Now, enjoy the season 2 finale of How I Died.

Someone in here? Hello? This way, sir. Oh, God. Growly. Didn't mean to scare you. I've had enough of opening my door to find people waiting for me. Relax. My gun is holstered, and I wouldn't shoot you unless you deserved it. That's what I'm worried about. I was just about to page you, though. Aren't you supposed to be with Dr. Kim? They ended the session early. They did or you did? What's in the body bag? Something important. Just please stay calm. Another purple body? Not really.

Well... Sort of... It... It's... Just open it. Oh. My. God. presents How I Died

Relax. It's Steven Maurer's body. We don't know that it's Maurer. It's a decapitated body in hunting boots. His body is so destroyed you can barely tell who it is. Well, we'll know for certain in a few minutes. Why? You know what Maurer looks like naked? There I've got the samples this system just needs to run it and tell us if it's a DNA match good Are you going to just wait down here? I'm awaiting the results with bated breath fine

Yeah, I'm gonna take a look at the body here. If you can call that a body. Apologies if I start talking to myself, I... I am well aware of how it works. I don't think it could be quiet if you tried. So, uh, you and the previous pathologist, Roger, are you close? I am not talking about my sex life. Least of all to you. Whoa. Sex life, no, no. That escalated so fast. Sorry, you brought it up. I was talking about something else. Holy, wow, just...

Let's just go back to you hating me, if this is the alternative. I never hated you. You're just... unreliable and annoying. Thanks. Does it usually take this long for DNA tests? I can't speed up the machine. And talking about random topics is what? You passing the time during an autopsy? It wasn't exactly random. Then why bring it up? Thinking about killing yourself too? Not funny. Not trying to be. This is a stressful place. How did he do it? How did he... Scalpel. Cross the throat.

Ironic, considering the body we have here. Why is that? Well, these marks look surgical. I made note of it during the inspection of Stephen Mauer's head. We don't know this is Mauer. I just have a feeling it is. Do you still have his head?

Yeah, it's in one of the unsolved case drawers. Why not just line it up? Cross-contamination. First, I need to collect samples from the body to see if we can determine where it was moved. A couple found the body while walking in the woods near the Springfield facility. Really? That's the opposite side of town. Yep. My thoughts exactly. Why would someone move him just enough to be in different areas, but still leave him out in the open? Unless they wanted it to be found. But why?

Why now? Crowley, look at this. What does this look like to you? I'm not the expert. Just look. Track marks. Was Mauer a known drug user? We don't know that this is- I know, I know, but was he? No. I don't think so. You didn't find anything from the head? Hair samples or something? Nothing recent. But hair only goes back so far. And how old do these marks look? It's hard to tell given the shape of the rest of the skin, but not old. Oh my god. It's like he exploded from the inside out.

The two big holes in the front and side do kind of look like giant gunshot wounds. Either that or he was pregnant with an alien. And this is why autopsies are usually a solo activity. Was the ground around the body damp? Soaked and muddy. Why? We just passed winter. It's finally starting to get warm again, but it hasn't rained recently. Right. So what are you thinking?

The ground could have been soaked with blood. That might not have been water mixed in that mud. So you're thinking he exploded his insides out onto the ground or something? We found Bianca in the woods, semi-buried. She also had a bunch of track marks. But her body was purple and full of blood. So, what's different between these two? I don't see why you think they're related. How often do you find dead bodies in the woods? Especially two decapitations like that.

This is like the seventh one in the past two years. You've only been here nine months. Still, with the track marks and the decapitation, my theory is that whoever had Maurer's body tried to replicate the injections on the other bodies. Bianca had track marks. Becca had something, but I wasn't able to identify it in enough detail. Jake Drazer and Frank Reynolds' bodies are gone, but their files might have noted something. I'll have to check.

They've got to all be related. So why isn't this one purple? Huh. I don't know the process completely, but the pieces are starting to make sense. It was... perforation of the blood vessels and pooling of blood that turns the skin purple. If the same thing was tried on Maur's body after he was already dead from the tree crushing him, it wouldn't have the same effect without blood flow.

It didn't work. That means that the blood all pulled in the stomach, which could explain the abscess. Instead of circulating the whole body. Right. Because he wasn't pumping blood anymore. Are you telling me... You think the purple body victims had that happen to them while they were, what, alive? The injections, at least. It explains the blood circulation and the puncture wounds on the needles.

Bianca's body had track marks as well, but they looked like they'd healed up over time. These on Maur, they don't seem like they healed properly. Again, because he was already dead.

So we've got a serial killer who takes victims and injects them with something to kill them not just kill them experiment on them I'm imagining that this would be very painful at first and At least until they blacked out from the pain. Did you figure out what was happening to them? Yeah. It's hundreds of subdermal hematomas caused by perforations along the major arteries and capillaries. What?

Holes slowly grew inside of their veins. It caused internal bleeding all over the place. At the same time? I don't know. I don't know how long the process took, but it was a rapid onset. When this kind of stuff happens organically, it goes slowly. Slow enough that anyone would notice and go to the ER for them to have some minor external bleeding in an extremity. Like when your finger turns purple.

You wouldn't see this in a major artery without some sort of force. And you can prove this happened? No. So it's just a theory? All of this is a theory. We're missing puzzle pieces still, and all of this is just conjecture. Your job is to find the evidence. This is the evidence. The evidence is the destroyed fucking body. The clean cuts of a bone saw across here. The fucking blood and the matching DNA. Calm down. I'm giving you my best interpretation of how to fit them all together.

If I can't prove exactly what happened, it's pointless to prove any of it. Are you kidding me? You need the pieces of the puzzle before you can see the big picture. You give me the pieces, and let me see the big picture. And are you seeing it? No. What could cause the veins to open up like that? I'm not sure.

An extreme amount of vasodilators, maybe, but you'd need to be way over the dosage. Radiation, potentially. Well, it's apparent whoever is medicating these victims doesn't care about dosage. Or they're trying to figure out the right amount. What do you mean? What are you doing? Chemo. Chemo mixed with other drugs could potentially wipe out a clotting ability for blood cells.

If you cranked that up to different levels, you'd see varying degrees of internal bleeding. Like someone was trying to figure out the right way to do it. Oh my god. What?

Is that the DNA test? Yeah. Well, what's it say? Spacer, what's it say? This is Steven Maurer. Well, fuck. You were right. I think I'm right about something else, too. Spacer! What the fuck? Wait up! Spacer! Spacer! Quit doing your Rain Man impression and tell me what the hell is going on!

Mauer was decapitated by someone with medical knowledge. Okay. So was Bianca, except Bianca's was rushed. And each purple body we've found has been more and more sloppy. That's called devolving. The killer is losing their organization. The injections were a mix of drugs, including some form of radiation. So why are we not headed to the pharmacy? The killer's performing experiments on these bodies, trying to figure out the proper dosage for something that would mirror storm shock. What?

Why? See, that's the missing piece. It's because they used to work at Springfield Corp. Spacer! You were in on it the whole time, weren't you? Jonathan! What are you doing? You're interrupting- I know about your days working for Springfield Corp, Dr. Kim. I'm so sorry, Erica. You were the one spying on Roger Benhoff. You reported back to Springfield Corp and-

You were probably the reason that they killed him. Erica, do you mind stepping out? This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies just to see if you could save some cash? Well Progressive makes it easy.

Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes, and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company & Affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

It can be overwhelming to manage a business, especially when you're first starting out. Your to-do list just keeps growing every day with new tasks, and that list can easily begin to overrun your life. Finding the right tool not only helps you out, but can simplify problems you haven't even encountered yet. And for millions of businesses, that tool is Shopify.

Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world, and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S., from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. With hundreds of ready-to-use templates, Shopify can help you easily build a beautiful online store to match your brand style.

And best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash realm. Go to shopify.com slash realm.

Shopify.com slash realm. Share, Fran. Please tell me you're not also involved in the stunt. John, come on! Don't blow it now. It all makes sense now. Spacer, seriously! You're the one behind the missing bodies. What? You took Bianca out of the morgue. You probably stumbled across Stephen Maurer's body in the woods and decided to use it. Oh, come on. We found the rest of Stephen Maurer. His body is downstairs in my lab right now. So? So his head was surgically removed.

I noticed it last year when we found part of him, but it wasn't until I saw the rest of his body that I put two and two together. That's why you had to separate them. Spacer, please. Fran, it's fine. Go ahead, Jonathan. Tell me about this paranoid delusion you've solved. Oh, you love paranoid delusions, don't you? Why's that? I saw your patient file on Roger Benhoff. Your predecessor.

You read my patient files. I'm sure you say the same about me in my file, huh? That's because I'm on the same track. It's why you've been so interested in me from the get-go. It's probably why you keep trying to fire me unless you know exactly what I'm working on at all times. Oh, you are well beyond fired at this point. For fuck's sake, Spacer! You were reporting on Roger and you made him sign old paperwork for missing bodies in the morgue. Until he got too nervous. Paranoid, as you said.

And when Roger came too close to ratting you out, you needed to stop the leak. And you had him killed. And I would do that because? Because you needed the bodies to continue the experiment for Springfield Corp. Springfield Corp has been gone for years. No, they're still active. I called them. And Dr. Kim here is still working for them. You know exactly what's going on here, don't you?

And now remind me, the bodies are different than the missing ones. No. Jake Drazer and Frank Reynolds were both purple and missing. And you were the one that put pressure on Crowley to cremate Becca Camden's body.

That came from the family relations department. So I'm the source of all of this then? It has to be you. Fran, could you please escort Jonathan out of my office? Fuck you. You're fired. Do you think that'll stop me from exposing you? There's nothing to expose. Roger's death. I know you two were close, but he was overworked and depressed. He killed himself. And the missing bodies?

I don't know anything about them. You said you worked with Roger often. You knew exactly what went on down there. Is any of this true? Of course not. Look at him. He's one minute away from a psychotic break. You don't look so good yourself, Doc. I'm sick. That's not important. You are not going to get away with this. Now, Sheriff Fran, please have Jonathan collect his things and leave before I have someone else to do your job.

Come on, Spacer. I'll be going to the FBI. And I'll be going to the medical board. Let's go. Sorry about this. Sorry. Crowley, I am not being paranoid. You just got yourself fired. I should have talked to you about this whole thing before, but I wasn't sure. And you think that was the best way to go about it? No, I... Spacer.

You are not a detective. No matter how much you want to be, I can't help you now. But I'm right. I don't know that. You don't believe me. Is this why you wanted to talk about Roger earlier? I didn't know if you knew. I sure as hell didn't think he was murdered. And now? Now? I don't know. I don't know if I can even believe you. You acted like a fucking lunatic in there.

The same kind from the old cases. The same kind with Curtis. That's not fair. Go get your stuff. Mendez will drive you home. Crowley. Fran! That's ridiculous. If Steven Maurer's body goes missing after this, I swear to God.

What is my old recorder doing here? That guy had a near-death experience in the ER. He was dead for over a minute. I saw him as a fucking ghost and I talked to him. And then he miraculously gets revived, and now he thinks he saw me. Hmm. Yeah, shit. I gotta destroy this. Just like I thought, silence when the ghosts talk. This doesn't sound like insane ramblings of someone who's paranoid. I don't know what does.

Was this a conversation with Ray? Because if I can't solve it without them, then it means... Why is this here? to do this on my own. Something here's been manipulated. What? office when all of this is so incredibly Friends, family, and whoever you care about as a way to get you to leave. But... The more I listen to them... Oh, man. The more I realize what a goal... The first tape is already in the mail to local news outlets, hospital administration.

And that is going to be a wrap for How I Died Season 2. If the story doesn't have to end here, head to patreon.com slash howidied for 13 bonus episodes, director's commentary, all that good stuff. And over this fall, we're going to be launching... Crowley part two, which is the second of three movie length features that follows our favorite sheriff as she solves her own case with a little bit of John and Mendez on the side. So you definitely don't want to miss that.

premiering this fall but even if you're not a patron and you don't want to go check all that stuff out we really appreciate you guys listening and sharing the show we make this because of the amazing feedback and because of the community that you guys have created

We reached almost 1 million downloads from the first season alone, and so we're just completely blown away and we can't wait to see what season two does. So from everyone at Audio Media, we hope that season two brought you just a little bit of joy. Thanks so much for listening. We'll see you in the Crowley miniseries. We're back here for season three. Let's get into the crowds. How I Died is an audio media original production created and written by Vince DeJohnny.

Directed and edited by Chroma Secura, with sound design and mixing by Eric Howell. The How I Died theme song was created by Silent Mike. Starring me as John Spacer, Shana Waring as Sheriff Crowley, David Dixon as Curtis, Luis Bermudez as Eric Mendez, Vin Vox as Dr. Kim, and Caitlin Roberts as Amelia. Oh, and of course, joy as joy. Thanks so much for listening to the season of How I Died. We'll be back for season three sometime next year. Until then, try not to die.

Now, stay tuned for a preview of the miniseries Mike and Ray's Fantastical Adventure. Mike! Mike! Get out of there! This whole place is coming down! No time. There's no time. The bubble, it won't hold. You have to go. Goodbye. Ray, I love you. You love what? Lost your backpack? Looked at my letter to Santa? Blow what, Mike? That's me. Hey, I was there too. Yes, yes. Obviously, you were there as well. Man.

Those were some good old days. What do you say? Should we tell them? Fine, I suppose. But I won't enjoy it. You can't make me. Yay! Welcome to Mike and Ray's fantastical adventure. This is Dr. Jonathan Spacer popping in to give you a general note about the show. What you're about to hear may disturb you.

Ray and Mike's brains were a little scrambled in the bubble explosion, and as such I wouldn't really trust the recounting of anything that happened at the Springfield facility. That being said, prior to moving on, Ray led me to a series of recordings that he made while he was working there. It reads, This is the true and completely serious retelling of the events leading up to the last day. Welcome to Mike and Ray's Fantastical Adventure, Episode 1. I don't know what to do with this information.

Listen. Mike, I really appreciate you getting me this yob. It's quite okay. You've already thanked me enough. Thank you. Why am I thanking you? We're here. Are you ready? You betcha. Wow. You know, it's always been my dream to work at a dog food company. This is the Springfield Corp. Lab. It's always been my dream to work at the Springfield Corp. Lab. It opened last year.

So, when do I get my broom? Is it regulation? It's got to be a regulation broom. No, there's no broom. You're a scientist, Ray. Please act like one. And this is the lab. Huh. You know, it's smaller than I imagined. It's the largest lab of its kind in a seven-state radius. Who's the whistling guy? Which whistling guy?

Literally the only other person in the room. Blue coveralls. Mop. Literally mopping and whistling. Oh, that's Alex. Alex Bendez. And he's a temp. And as such, I have never taken notice of him. Hey, Alex! Nice to meet you. Oi, Mike. Is this your newest iron? Yes, sir. Byron, this is my brother Ray. He's going to be assisting us in the lab on the project. Ray, this is Byron.

Head of Development on The Project. Nice to meet you, Brian. Wait, what's with the air quotes? Do you guys not have a codename for The Project yet? It's still in development. For now, we'll just simply call it The Project, but... Dibs on naming it! You can't dims the project name. It's not allowed. Mike, it's almost time for your morning announcement. Right. Thank you, Byron.

Good morning, Springfield Corp employees. We have a new employee joining us today, my brother Ray. Let's give him an adequate Springfield Corp welcome, shall we? Fantastic. Welcome aboard, Ray. Now, on to our first order of business, officially naming The Project. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. Let me use the mic. I've dreamed of speaking over a PA since my high school job. Fine, just...

Don't do anything dumb. Ahem. Welcome to Applebee's. My name is Ray. You, sir, Mr. Boron. Would you like apples or bees? Uh, bees? He has selected bees, Alex! Wait, where'd you get those? We hope you enjoyed listening to Mike and Ray's Fantastical Adventure, a 10-episode miniseries exclusive to How I Died Premium. Visit patreon.com slash howidied or click the link in the show notes below to learn more.

All right, girls, this is the place. We'll get everything loaded over to the boat and we'll lock up the truck. Don't leave anything behind. Wait, is that it? That's where we're going? Yeah, that's it. Seal Skin Rock. Wow. Return to the mysteries in Don't Mind, Seal Skin Rock. Subscribe now to catch the premiere, and we'll see you on The Rock.