S2 E10: One Day, One Elevator

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shouldn't be here. I have a bone to pick with Kim. I mostly meant, why are you cutting through here? Oh. Are you having an emergency? No. You don't have a shift, do you? No. Oh, that's right. So remind me again why you're cutting through my ER. What is going on? I just told you. This isn't about me walking through. This is about us breaking up.

We were never together in the first place. I took care of you while you were hurt. And I said I'm sorry for how things happened, but we moved too quickly and... I thought you were like me. And it turns out I was way off. What's that supposed to mean? Nothing. It's not like I did it on purpose, I just... It wasn't just your decision, you know. I learned way more about you than I wanted to, and I don't like it. Sorry you feel that way.

I really hope we can get past this and work together again. Work together? You think you're going to get your job back? Good luck. Not yet. I think I have some leverage that might convince Kim to unsuspend me, though. There you go. Manipulate people while you can. Amelia, I... Stay out of my ER unless you have an actual emergency. Actually, if you have another emergency, still stay out. Wow. Going up? Yeah. What floor? Third. Thanks.

What happened? I don't know. The elevator stopped. Come on. Come on. Hello? It's not working. I don't like small spaces. I'm sure we'll get started again soon. Let me try the door. Okay. No dice. I, um... I'm not feeling so well. You look pale. You should sit. You think I should? Definitely. Here, let me help. Okay, thanks. Is it claustrophobia or are you ill? Did the chemo bag give it away? Sorry. My name is Lily. John.

Nice to meet you. Were you headed up to the cancer wing? Yep. Home sweet home. I hope whatever this is gets fixed soon. It's alright. I guess. I'm... Kind of comfy down here anyway. You still look pretty pale. I'll be alright. Mind if I check your blood pressure? Um... Oh, duh. I'm a doctor here, so... Or, I was a doctor here.

You don't look like a doctor. Yeah, I was suspended a few weeks ago. Suspended? Um, should I be worried at all? No, not at all. It's not like that. I got suspended for, well, it's kind of complicated, but it's nothing to do with me being a bad doctor. Hmm. You're... The type of person who keeps all their burdens to themselves, huh? That's a little out of nowhere. I'm the same way, though. Always put on a brave face, so people never see you sweat.

Not quite. I don't hide my emotions very well. That's sort of what got me into this mess in the first place. Oh, I see. Talking back to the boss man, huh? Multiple. Bosses? I told you it's complicated. Can I check your vitals now? No, no, no. Not so fast. You need to tell me something personal about you first. Seriously? You could be spiking a fever. Yes, I'm very serious.

I'm not letting a stranger touch me. Would you? I make all my doctors do it. Okay, fine. I hate coffee. I only drink tea. That's it. What? Yeah, that... Doesn't count? Not at all. Unless hating coffee defines you as a person. Can I just say it does and then we move on? If someone hated coffee enough to let it define them as a person, I... I think you could see that coming a mile away. You're an odd one. Now that is how I define myself. Can I please check your vitals now? Oh, I...

I must have missed the part where you told me a truth. Something people don't know about you. Um... My ex died. I don't think I'm really over it yet. Heavy. May I? Mm-hmm. How, um... How'd she die? Your vitals look good. Sorry, I... I guess if it was something traumatic, you wouldn't want to talk about it. Yeah, my turn. So, before I came here, I was planning on dropping out of high school, and...

Going to beauty school, like in Greece. Do you really do this with everyone? Yeah, I really do this with everyone. If you can't open up to someone who's dying, then who can you talk to? Wise beyond your years. Well, it's your turn. We don't need to keep going back and forth. I'm sure the elevator will start again soon. And besides, we should conserve our air. I'm...

I'm feeling kind of faint. What's wrong? I think... I think I need... Lily? I need... Lily, I need you to stay awake. I need you to... Tell me another secret. Seriously, for fuck's sake. Whoa, mine are here. That wasn't funny. Sorry. My ex-fiance was a guy, by the way. You said she earlier. Oh, you're gay. Something like that. But most of my serious relationships were with men. That's cool. Um, why didn't...

You correct me when I said it. What do you mean? Well, um... I had a cat at home who was cute as a button and I'd tie a little bow in his hair and put on a pink collar and walk him around on a dog leash and... People would always think he was a she, but any time they'd ever say, oh, what's her name, I'd correct them by instantly saying, his name is Mittens. So...

So, why didn't you correct me and say your ex was a he? I've gotten used to it. Yeah, but it's gotta bug you at least a little. It's fine. Come on. Dying here, remember? When I moved here, I got a sense that this place was a little less open to that. It's not just here. I mean, it's not really the thing you advertise. Who wants to be the gay doctor, you know? Recently I kind of closed off again. So you didn't want to say anything to make people dislike you? It's not really about that.

It's more about being treated differently. Since when is that a bad thing? People treat me differently all the time. It's a different kind of different. Well, I think it's good to be different. It's your turn.

That's the spirit. Let's see. Oh, okay, here's one. Um, I actually didn't mind losing my hair. Really? Yeah. I like the wigs, because you can switch them out all the time, and there's different colors and stuff. My hair was dumb. I bet you've told other people that before. I bet you've told other people about your ex. Well, not around here. And I haven't told you about the wigs before, so... Fair enough. Your turn. Hmm. Let's see. Ugh. I...

Recently realized that I was mean to someone, and I wish I could go back and undo that. Another boy? More than one person, actually. One of your bosses? Well, one of the bosses. The other can go screw off. And which one of them were you going to see? The good witch or the bad witch? You must really like old movies, huh? Well...

Not much else to do when you're confined to a bed. But answer the question? A few days ago I wouldn't have called either of them the good witch, but I'm starting to think I was too harsh on one. You're bad at this. Sorry. Definitely going to see the bad witch. I hope you brought some water. Do you need something to drink? I... I was kidding. To... Melt her? Are you really not getting this? Ah, right. You should relax a bit. You're not looking too great, though.

Your chemo bag is almost empty. How are you feeling? Fine. Just fine? Well, I've been better. What stage did you say you were? I didn't. Don't say it's too personal. No, um, it's not, it's not that. You okay? I'll be okay. Um, but you don't actually have any water, do you? I don't, but hopefully this elevator starts moving again. Isn't it your turn? Yeah, um...

I... I wasn't supposed to leave the cancer ward. Yeah, I had a feeling. How? Well, it's not often they let cancer patients actively get in chemo walk around the hospital, but... Besides that, that right there is an anti-metabolite chemotherapy bag. It's used to treat leukemia and some of the worst cancers. Yeah. Small intestine, stage three. I'm so sorry. They told me my recovery chance was low, but...

I can see it all over my mom's face. I'm not... I'm not making it back from this. You're too good at reading people. Can I tell you something? It is your turn, right? I'm really afraid of dying. Sorry. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies just to see if you could save some cash? Well Progressive makes it easy.

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Easy for you to say. Trust me. Because you see dead people? Enough with the movie references. I wasn't referencing a movie. I'm being serious.

How do you know? Because I... I do... I do see dead people. I don't get why that should make me feel any better. Lily, I'm being serious. It's my turn, right? I guess they don't really remember now. So... That's my secret. That's my thing that I've literally never told anyone before. Or at least living people. I actually see... Ghosts. Are... You're not kidding. I'm... I'm being serious. Like... You're... Cru...

Clairvoyant? Is that the word? No. Well, I don't know. But I can see ghosts of people that have died. I can speak to them, and that's how I do my job. I'm... I'm sorry, but I'm not young enough anymore to believe something ridiculous like that. It's true. When someone dies, they reappear nearby as a ghost. But the ghost looks exactly like the normal person, like they're...

Not see-through or scary looking at all like you see in movies. The only thing that's different is that they float a few centimeters off the ground. You're not messing with me. Not at all. Sometimes I even have trouble telling when someone is alive or a ghost, especially if I didn't know that they were dead in the first place. I was actually being followed by a ghost a few days ago. That's one of the people that I always mean to.

Before and after he died. After? So... Wait. They can actually hear you, too? Yeah, they can. They can hear everything. Just can't hear them. I try to talk to them when they appear and explain what's going on, and I usually see if they know what happened to, well, to try to solve the crime of who or what killed them. How? Um... That's... That is a lot to take in. I am sure it is, trust me. I've never told anyone this secret before.

It just feels like it's kind of shooting out of me, you know? It feels nice to open up. This is so freaking cool. Really? Yes. Ghosts and stuff are... are real? I don't know about and stuff, but ghosts definitely are. Wow. Why are you telling me all this? You said to tell you a secret, and I've been keeping this one for about 29 years. I was also telling you in the hopes that it would help. To help? When you...

If you die. When? Well, yeah. Everybody dies eventually. So when we all die, we become ghosts. There's no darkness after. No pain. Nothing to fear. But you're stuck as a ghost. You're still dead. You are dead, but it's not stuck. There's something after. What is it? I'm not sure. I don't have any way of knowing. But from what I've heard about being a ghost, you're still you. You think normally you just don't feel any pain or illness. It sounds nice. But no one can hear you or see you.

Well, except for you, I guess. That's true. Are you okay?

Feel well? You're not dying today. Not with me here. Well, if I did, you'd probably be the best choice. Take a deep breath. John, what does dying feel like? I think it depends. For some people, it's quick and painless. You get shot or decapitated, and the next thing you know, you're a ghost. And as a ghost, you don't really feel anything. And for some other people, it's miserable and agonizing. You're not going to die today. But I will die sometime. Well...

If that day comes and you're in the hospital, they won't let you be in pain. And then I won't feel anything as a ghost. Correct. Well, at least I can haunt my family and friends. Yeah No You're lying Why are you lying? You're too good at that I can't haunt my family. I can't be with my friends. It's not how everyone imagines it. You're not actually able to interact with the world. And you can only stay as a ghost for a little while.

Why? Being a ghost takes a toll on you. I thought you said it didn't hurt. It's a mental toll, not a physical one. So I'll go crazy. It'll take a while. It's different for everyone. But eventually, being unable to feel or touch or usually talk to anyone will make you miserable. But I can come talk to you. I'm not great company, I'm afraid.

So, then what? Then you'll want to move on. Is this supposed to help me feel any better? I think so. Why? Now I just know what's coming. That doesn't make it less scary. Fear of the unknown is essentially part of fear itself. You're... You're being way too sciency about it. I'm still afraid. There's still the unknown. Now there's just another stage in between. That's a good point. So then what do you think happens when you, um...

You know, what did you call it? Move on. Yeah. What happens? I have no idea. But what do you think happens? I don't know. How am I supposed to know that? You aren't. You're not supposed to know. I just want to know what you think it could be. Huh. I guess I like to believe that your energy, your spirit... Kind of dissipates into the world and is returned to where it's supposed to be. Do you believe in heaven, John? I have no idea. No. I don't.

I do. Then there you go. When you move on, maybe you'll go to heaven. Which is hopefully not like being a ghost. Hopefully it's like everything you think it'll be. Thank God. Don't sound so relieved. I'm just feeling really tired. I'm ready to go back to bed. By the way, before the doors open...

If you tell anyone what we talked about, I'll blame it on your fever like no tomorrow. It'll be our secret. There you are. Hey, Nurse Camden. You okay? Mm-hmm. I'm fine. She had a bit of a fever and some coughing, but overall her vitals are stable. Dead. Thanks, John. Where are you going? I thought you were going to the third floor. I think I'll take the stairs.

I can't believe you told her that. It's not like it even really helped. And now I'm just, what, telling people about this stuff after I've done so much to keep it a secret? Damn it, John. Oh! Jonathan, I was just on my way out. We had an appointment. We did. For about 20 minutes ago. You missed it. Well, I need to talk to you anyway. So did I. But we can save it for tomorrow.

You rescheduled? No, just pop up before you shift tomorrow. I'm confused. Why? I wanted to talk to you about some sensitive information I think you'd like to know, and... To see about getting my job back. Yes, I know. I'm sorry about the circumstances, but I'm glad you decided to see the air of your ways and send some tapes to me. It'll take some time for me to get through these, but we can talk soon. I expect you to send me the rest shortly, yes? Uh, yes. Great.

Schedule an appointment for later this week with Anne. What in the world? Wait a minute. Does that mean I can get back to my lab? Hold on. What the fuck? One of my tapes. God damn it. Someone found it. I don't understand. Crowley doesn't have one. Who has my tapes? Who would give them to Dr. Kim? The only other person that had access here was Dr. Clark. The janitor? No. Doesn't make any sense.

Bianca. Bianca. It's John. I'm back. Bianca. No way. Her body's gone. How I Died is an audio media original production created and written by Vince Dijani, directed and edited by Chroma Secura and mixing by Eric Howell. The How I Died theme song was created by Silent Mike. Starring me as John Spacer.

Shana Waring as Sheriff Crowley, David Dixon as Curtis, Luis Bermudez as Eric Mendez, Vin Vox as Dr. Kim, and Caitlin Roberts as Amelia. This episode featured a guest performance by Adagail Stewart as Lily. Thanks so much for listening and until next episode, try not to die. Alright girls, this is the place. We'll get everything loaded over to the boat and we'll lock up the truck. Don't leave anything behind. Wait, is that it? That's where we're going?

Yeah, that's it. Seal Skin Rock. Wow. Return to the mysteries in Don't Mind, Seal Skin Rock. Subscribe now to catch the premiere, and we'll see you on The Rock. You might think you know fairy tales, and you might think that they are cute and sweet and boring. But the real grim fairy tales were not cute at all. They were very dark, and they were often very grim.

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Every episode is rated grim, grimmer, or grimmest. So you, your kids, your whole family can choose what is the right level of grim for you. Though if you're listening with grandma, she's just going to go for grimmest. Trust me on this one. Tune in to grim. Grimmer Grimmest and our new season available now.