S2 E06: Just Fine

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How are you today, Jonathan? I'm fine. Just fine? I'm good. What do you want me to say? I want you to say how you're actually doing. This doesn't need to be like passing a co-worker in a hallway. You can talk to me. You and I don't have a real therapist-patient relationship. You're not interested in how I am. You're interested in making sure I'm not a danger to other people. And that means I can't ask how you are? No, it just means that my answer will always be, I'm fine.

Audio Media presents How I Died Did you remember to bring the tapes with you? Damn, I left them on my desk. I can go back and get them quickly. It's fine. Bring them after. Are you sure? Let me just run down. And burn through half of our session? I don't think so. You caught me. How's your recovery going? I'd imagine you running down to the lab isn't quite possible yet. I half expected to see you using your cane.

I don't need it. The pain doesn't interfere with your work? It makes me feel a little more grouchy than usual. Fran mentioned that you've been more antagonistic than you were when you started. Do you think the pain is the reason? While I'd love to be able to hide behind being shot as a reason to be more combative towards Crowley, I'm thinking that this situation right here has more of a correlation than my hip hurting. And how are things with Dr. Amelia?

I heard you two were dating. You heard wrong. Interesting. And why is that interesting? Do you not want people to know you were dating? Can you stop answering my question with a question? It's interesting because you moving into her house after your injury was the talk of the hospital. People gossip too damn much around here. Small town mentality. How was your time staying with her?

It was fine. Don't say it was fine. It was nice, I guess. Did you enjoy being taken care of? What kind of question is that? Okay, then. Did you enjoy being around someone who didn't look at you like you scared them? Wow. What does wow mean? Is that why you think I wanted to be around her? I never said that. Amelia was interesting. Like she didn't belong here. And now that you've gotten to know her, gotten to see her in real life, you don't think she's as interesting.

She was... And you're using the past tense. You see right through me, huh? I'm not trying to see through you, Jonathan. I'm trying to see you. And you won't let me.

I have no interest in letting you see me then. If this is how it's going to be. I don't see you as a monster either, Jonathan. If that's any comfort. I don't care what people thought of me after it happened. You should say what it is. Don't hide it. Besides, I'm sure coming back to work and knowing that people viewed you differently couldn't be easy. So I want you to know that I don't judge you based on what you did.

I'm only here to make sure you're all right now. I'm fine. Could you not have incapacitated Curtis and taken the gun if you already had the upper hand?

I don't have any police or military training, okay? I was in danger. But still, you'd imagine once you were safe, the adrenaline would wear off. You weren't there. You don't know what it was like. Tell me what it was like then. No. Why not? Because I don't want to relive it. Repressing it isn't going to help you get over it. I don't need to get over it. That's... interesting. Why not? Because... Because I lived. And I can use that to make sure it never happens again.

Make sure what never happens again. Getting hurt? Everyone gets hurt at some point. No. So I can notice the warning signs for someone as deranged as Curtis. That's new. You feel bad for not stopping him before it escalated too far. I had an idea before, but I ignored it. Jonathan, you said only a moment ago that you never had police or military training. It's not your job to prevent tragedy. I know. I'm on the wrong side.

Is that why Crowley feels like you overstep so often? Are you trying to prevent people from dying? You're so good at this stuff. You know that? Is the silence supposed to make me talk? An old interview tactic. I have to go. Right now? Crowley has a body for me. Fine. Our time is almost up anyway.

We'll try to pick up where we left off next time. I feel like we're finally making progress. John! Curtis. What do you want? Sheriff, Sheriff Fran came down to the lab. I know. She paged me. She left after. I was coming to get, coming to get you. What's going on with you? Nothing. Why? Are you even aware that you're stuttering? I'm not. I'm fine. Jeez. That word today. I was trying to be helpful. I've been trying to be helpful. But you won't let me.

I don't have time for this, Curtis. Can you just go away? No! I need you to listen to me! Need you to talk to me! Where are you going? Crowley asks that I meet her outside by the delivery entrance. Why? I have no idea. She didn't tell you when you saw her? She didn't... Oh, you're funny. Mendez? What's going on? Why are you out here?

Hey, Doc. How you doing? Fine. Where's Crowley? How's therapy going? Goddamn. Does everyone know? I didn't know it was a secret. It's going just about as well as any other intervention. That sounds about right. An intervention for what, though? I don't think you have a problem, John. It's been one of those mornings. Crowley paged me. Where is she? She's coming. Okay.

So... Did you hear me, John? I don't think you have a problem. We've got a body for you. I'm not seeing a body. I'm seeing... What is that? A wet vac. Okay, you're standing next to a vacuum in an empty parking bay. Where's the body? It's in the wet vac. Ugh. Please tell me you just ran out of body bags. No. John! This is one of the weirdest deaths I've seen in a while. I'm gonna need more than that. Just wait.

I've got things to do. We sprung you from jail early. You don't have shit right now. The suspense is killing me. Alright, so we've arrested a woman named Caroline Beckett.

Her husband went missing a week ago, and she doesn't know what happened. We went to check the house for anything... odd. Well, this is a nice change of pace. Crowley never voluntarily tells me the backstory. It'll help on this one. Trust me. John! Talk to me! Hey! Hey, John! Well, the house is clean and shiny. Cleanest house I've ever seen. I'm talking smelling like it was covered in Febreze.

Alright. Anyways, we go look out her backyard and find one of those industrial dumpsters. And this. Careful. Oh, Jesus Christ. What? What's it smell like? Oh, that's definitely blood in there, but... Oh, what is that? Looks like skin to me, but you're the expert. Oh, hell. Right? Oh, here it comes. What? What in the world is that? The other part of the body. Are you enjoying this? What's happening right now?

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Shopify is made for entrepreneurs like you. Sign up for your $1 a month trial at shopify.com. Hey, it's Hilary Frank from The Longest Shortest Time, an award-winning podcast about parenthood and reproductive health. We talk about things like sex ed, birth control, pregnancy, bodily autonomy, and of course, kids of all ages.

But you don't have to be a parent to listen. If you like surprising, funny, poignant stories about human relationships and, you know, periods, The Longest Shortest Time is for you. Find us in any podcast app or at Longest Shortest Time. This is how you fucking assholes spend your day. A dumpster. Hey, boss. I looked fun. Love using these.

They let you drive that? Borrowed it from my ex. Construction job, remember? Hmm. There's no one else here. Why did you bring it here? Ta-da! The rest of the bodies, somewhere in this dumpster. No, I got that, but why here? We usually go to the crime scenes. Because we can't usually bring the crime scene to us. Come on, Spacer. I thought you'd be happy to have evidence hand-delivered to ya.

I think you just wanted to drive the crane. That too. So what, we empty it out? Well, uh, I was thinking dumpster diving. Isn't the body just like chopped up and put in bags or something? You didn't tell him? I was working on it. Tell me what. Are you sure there's a body in there? Miss Beckett spilled the beans. What does that mean? She told us the whole story. So you caught her. What do you need me for?

We have no way of verifying anything she told us without some actual proof. DNA or even enough parts to make a body. Alright, enough. Stop being coy. Just tell me what's going on. Mendez, you take it. I'll go unhook the crane. Okay. So this past weekend, Caroline Beckett submitted a missing persons report for her husband, Hammond. Hammond Beckett? We had no hard evidence to go on.

Nobody saw him leave. Neither of them got into a fight, at least at first. We looked around and turned up with Nada. Hammond? Are you there? So, a couple days later, we go to check out the house and get a better statement. Like I said... We showed up and the house was pristine. I'm talking. Yeah, Febreze. I got it. You really are grumpy today. That's every day. Just keep going. Anyway.

House was clean and I got suspicious. I got suspicious! You want to tell the story? Grumble, grumble. I got suspicious. Looked like they might be doing some renovations around the house. Why was it so clean? I asked to have a look around and the entire house was like that, spotless. We go out back to check the yard and it was a huge wreck. I'm talking, looking like a city dump. A city dump?

Jeez, is this what always happens when I'm not around? Yes. No! John, I'm not seeing anyone. I think they left Hammond at the scene. Or maybe he already moved on? Hammond? So the backyard was a mess. We found this dumpster. We found this vacuum. She had power tools, piping, soldering equipment. A fucking broken furnace. It was like Slaughterhouse-Five. What is that? A book.

John, tell them there's nobody here. Tell them! No, I'll tell them! Hey! Hey! Why can't they hear me? I'm right here! Okay, she chopped up the body and threw it in the dumpster. I'm not seeing the problem. Sucked. Excuse me? Mendez, you take too damn long to tell the details. It's all yours. We notice the vacuum and go to arrest Caroline.

Before the cuffs were even on her, she's giving us this whole dissertation on what happened. So her husband was a contractor who recently lost his job. Here we go. He started storing extra supplies in their yard. Then it moved into the house, ended up taking over. And this lady was a neat freak, as you can tell. She said he was destroying their house and this and that and the other.

Ended up telling us how she was so angry one day when she got home that she just started cleaning. She went into some crazy trance bullshit about just cleaning, cleaning, cleaning everywhere. Scrubbing anything and everything. Frankly... I don't believe her. She said she woke up the next day with a fuzzy memory of what happened. She thought her and her husband got into a fight and he left. So she filed the report.

But after she reported it, she went back home and it all came back to her. Man, can you just give me the cliff notes? Maybe it is better if I don't know all the case details beforehand. Told ya. Short story is, she remembers spraying her husband with bleach and other chemicals. He passes out. She scrubs and scrapes like crazy. Ends up vacuuming with this. The bitch. Hey. Sorry.

The lady ends up scraping off all of her husband's skin, sucking up the blood and scraps in the vacuum, and then shredding him up into a million pieces with the power tools before going back and cleaning the house. How could someone do that to somebody else? That's crazy! I didn't believe her. But we opened up one bag and found a finger, so there has to be more. Wow. So, yeah. I took the full story, got her processed as Fran went to get the crane, and now we're here. Thanks for the recap.

I don't buy it, but she's sticking to her story, claiming it was blackout or insanity or whatever she can to get off easy. She's got an appointment with your favorite person tomorrow morning, but after talking to her... Well, I figure she can pull off crazy well. And you think she's lying? I think you can tell us one way or the other what actually happened. Am I wrong? No. I can get samples of skin to see if it was scratched off.

And we may be able to find a solid limb so I can note ruse patterns or a vacuum hose nozzle touching the skin. And definitely some lung tissue to see what he breathed in. Excellent. We came to the right place. So, time to suit up. I'll need to run to the lab. Be right back. I can't wait to see this. What are you laughing for? You're gonna need a suit too, buddy. What? What for? I'll bring an extra.

Son of a bitch. Curtis, for fuck's sake. Why are you acting like this? Me? What the fuck is going on with you? Or with them? Why couldn't they hear me? I'm not engaging with you. You're a ghost. Stop begging for attention. Very funny. I'm a valuable member of this team. But you're not letting me help. Wait. You forgot you were dead, didn't you? Wow. This is the worst I've ever seen it. I'm just kidding.

Just being funny. Just, just, just, I know what's going on. Curtis, you need to move on. You're losing your mind by sticking around here for so long. No, you are! I'm not going anywhere. You're going to keep getting worse. This is what happens. I've seen it. I saw it with my mom and other ghosts. You can't just exist in between worlds forever.

I'm not, not, not leaving. You are completely unhinged. I thought you said I was crazy before I died. And now look at you. You don't care about me. You don't care about him. About him. Him? Howard! You mean Hammond? The dead husband? Yes! You don't care about him! Or me! Or anyone! Anyone! Anyone! I do care what happened to Hammond.

Because you want to solve the puzzle. Because I want to help them. Then why don't you want to help me? Huh? I'm supposed to want to help you now? After all you've done to me. All I've done to you? It's your job to help me! It's your, your responsibility! Because I was the one who killed you? I'm sick of people asking me if I feel bad. I don't.

You attacked me. You took it too far. I reacted to save my life. Because I think I can help more people by being alive than you could have. So tell me, why should I care about you? Why? Why is it my responsibility to help you? Because you're the only one who can. I don't want to move on! What if, what if, what if, what if there's nothing after? What if I just cease to exist completely? Death isn't there. I see death every day, figuratively and literally.

People like Crowley are affected by it, and I'm sure it makes a scar on everyone. I take on the burdens and the fears, the trauma of every single person who's died and come into my lab. Except for... Except for me. Yeah. Except for you. I can't do it for you. I can't handle that. I don't want to be dead. You should have thought of that before you attacked me.

Talking to yourself again? Just, uh, dictating. I thought you stopped that. Kim said it's therapeutic. Oh, good. So you can record your cases and your personal blog. Just hurry it up next time. Took me a minute to find the suits. Mm-hmm. Mendez? Fine. I'm going to enjoy this. Sadist. Consider it payback. For all the shit you put me through over the last year, Spacer. Fitting. Mendez, I'll get in and I'll just hand you what I find. This is not how I pictured this day going. Me neither.

How I Died is an audio media original production created and written by Vince Dijani, directed and edited by Chroma Sikora, with sound design and mixing by Eric Howell. The How I Died theme song was created by Silent Mike. Starring me as John Spacer. Shana Waring as Sheriff Crowley. David Dixon as Curtis. Luis Bermudez as Eric Mendez. Vin Vox as Dr. Kim. And Caitlin Roberts as Amelia. Thanks so much for listening. And until next episode, try not to die.

Alright girls, this is the place. We'll get everything loaded over to the boat and we'll lock up the truck. Don't leave anything behind. Wait, is that it? That's where we're going? Yeah, that's it. Seal Skin Rock. Wow. Return to the mysteries in Don't Mind, Seal Skin Rock. Subscribe now to catch the premiere, and we'll see you on The Rock.

Hey, it's Hilary Frank from The Longest Shortest Time, an award-winning podcast about parenthood and reproductive health. There is so much going on right now in the world of reproductive health, and we're covering it all. birth control, pregnancy, gender, bodily autonomy, menopause, consent, sperm, so many stories about sperm, and of course the joys and absurdities of raising kids of all ages.

If you're new to the show, check out an episode called The Staircase. It's a personal story of mine about trying to get my kids school to teach sex ed. Spoiler, I get it to happen, but not at all in the way that I wanted. We also talk to plenty of non-parents, so you don't have to be a parent to listen. If you like surprising, funny, poignant stories about human relationships and, you know, periods, the longest, shortest time is for you. Find us in any podcast app