S2 E02: Fear of Intimacy

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Edgar said to the interviewer he was convinced that the thing out there wasn't a vault at all. Yeah, I know what he thought. Dr. Edgar didn't think it was designed to keep things out. I know what he thought. He thought it was designed to keep something in. Do you even... understand the difficulty trying to keep a base like Fathom at the bottom of the ocean from killing everyone in it on a daily basis? Oh my god. Everyone hold on to something!

I think whatever is on the other side of that door out there, it's not friendly. I think it's trying to get out. That, my friend, is a dire combination. That's a bad sign. Get out of the door! It's spreading like some kind of technological contagion. We can either stop it here or watch the world burn. Fathom. The first season of Derelict. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Or learn more at derelictpodcast.com.

You'll have to talk eventually, or we can't count this as a session. Am I supposed to just sit here and talk about my mother? Would you like to talk about your mother? No. Then we can talk about whatever you like. I have nothing to say. Are you not a fan of therapy? I'm not a fan of forced, unnecessary therapy. Why do you think this is unnecessary? Because I'm fine. No one said you weren't fine.

Yeah, well, if you thought I was, I wouldn't have to sit here. Therapy can be beneficial for many aspects of your life. It's not about being fine or not.

I heard you called an ambulance to bring you to work last week. What made you need to get in that badly when you had been on bed rest just a few days earlier? Was it the victim? I needed to help on that case. Because of the color of her skin? That is the strangest way I've ever heard that phrase used. Don't deflect, Jonathan.

Immediately after your injury, there were reports of you murmuring about victims with purple skin. You don't need to call it an injury. I was shot. I didn't sprain my ankle. Why the hostility towards it? It's not hostility, it's... I'm just worried that you think I'm not processing what happened to me. I am. I'm not naive or in denial. I'm not compartmentalizing. I'm just trying to move on and return to my normal life.

Your normal life being that of a doctor or a criminal investigator? A doctor? What are you talking about? I've been made aware by Fran that- For fuck's sake, Crowley. Yeah, she had issues with me overstepping. I got it. I reined it in and I tried not to get involved, and then the next thing I know, a fucking lunatic is in my OR waving a gun in my face. And you're convinced that you're probably processed all that, have you?

Yes, I have. Or I am processing it. But I can do that on my own. I don't need you. You're a pretty private person, wouldn't you say? I guess so. Then it's completely understandable you want to work through it yourself. There we go. Can I go then? Not quite. Although I appreciate the try. What was it about the case that made you feel like you needed to come in? I just needed to be sure. Be sure of what? If it was another victim like Becca Camden. The last case you worked on before being shot.

Yeah, but it's not- Do you see the commonalities here, Jonathan? I think you need to be honest and process what happened. It wasn't because of a victim with internal bleeding that caused bad things to happen to you. No, of course not. Bad things happened because a crazy person walked into the hospital with a gun and shot me. And what did it feel like in that moment? What? The moment when you were bent over Mr. Hedger's body.

When you were shot, while you were... Stabbing him repeatedly with a scalpel? That's one way to put it, yes. That's what happened. That is the only way to put it. You've read the report. I have, but I see something more to it. So does Fran, which is why you're here with me today. I see self-defense. And I see...

deep-seated emotional trauma that manifested itself during that moment of fight or flight. So my response when I couldn't run was to fight for my life, and you both see that as a problem? Would you rather me be dead right now?

You're surrounded by death every day, right? Yeah. We all are. Especially here. But it's different for you. What do you mean? Well, would you say you're desensitized to it? I guess so. It's not a big deal. That's what I thought. And that's why I'm concerned you aren't processing the fact that you killed someone and nearly died yourself. Because death isn't a big deal to you.

You're putting words in my mouth. Would you rather be dead right now than deal with the aftermath of what you did? I need to go. There's a body for me in the ER. Jonathan. What? Don't forget your cane. Are you talking about me in there? No. Good. My mother always said, if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all.

I think that's what everyone says their mom told them. Yeah. Hey, come to think of- Why didn't you just listen in? Come on, Doc. That's a violation of your patient confidentiality, right? And besides, it's probably awkward to talk about how bad you feel for killing me when I'm right there. I don't feel bad for killing you. How many times do I have to say that? There are much more interesting things to listen to in this hospital anyway.

Amelia. Hey. I got a page for a body. Huh. Bay three. Ah. Yeah. Anything I should know? Here's the file. It's a boy named Keaton James. He presented with some bruising from a bike accident and was brought in unconscious. Poor kid never woke up. Damn. The kid. Wow. 14 years old.

Yeah, always a shitty day when it's a kid. I'll get him down to the morgue and get him cleaned up. Have you already notified the parents? We haven't found any info on them. I'll have a nurse shrine in a few minutes. Thanks. Let me know if they come in to see the body. I'll have him prepared. Sounds good. Hey, listen. About the other day... You don't need to explain it, John. It's fine. I just really thought it'd be best if I moved back into my place. We weren't a couple.

I get it. I really do want to see where this goes. It's just that living together so soon... I need to get back to the trauma bay. Of course. Sorry. You really do seem different. Won't force trauma to the abdomen and sides. They said they found his bike crashed next to him. What I said earlier about my mom, I never knew my parents.

So they don't even know that I'm dead now. Keaton? Are you here? I hope they find this kid's parents. Nothing. Maybe he's still back at the scene of the accident. You know how fucking empty it feels to be left... alone. Do you think you can make me feel bad for you? Is that it? I just want you to understand. I don't understand.

I will never understand how you could do what you did. You got out of hand. It's not what I planned. I'm not even talking about me. I'm talking about kidnapping those victims. I told you it wasn't me. I'd never even heard of Becca before you wheeled her in. It could have been another psychotic episode of yours that just escalated. And now people think I'm the one that needs therapy. I didn't do it, okay? I don't believe you. Last week I had some shred of doubt.

But the killings have stopped. The purple bodies have stopped. It's been almost five months. You did it and I stopped you. Not exactly in the way that I would have wanted, but it's over. It's not over! It is. Move on and leave me alone. Why are you saying that? You would have never talked to me like this when I was alive. I'm not afraid of you anymore.

You can't do shit to me now except annoy me by talking. I'm not keeping this inside. And I'm done pretending like I have to deal with you. It's supposed to be good for my mental health to vent and deal with my anger, right? Well, fine. You can take the brunt of it until you move on and leave me alone, because I will never open up to you. We will never be friends, Curtis. But you will eventually leave.

Stop trying to force me to be alone. People like you are always trying to shun me. People like me? Yes, you! People like you judge me and treat me differently. You thought I was a freak and a threat without even knowing the first thing about me. And it turns out I was right. Fuck you. Finally.

Keaton? Keaton? Still nothing. Alright. Keaton James. Approximately 100 pounds. 5 foot 1 inch tall. Let's take a look at this bruising Preliminary examination shows that there are varying degrees of cuts and scrapings along the entire body If I'm working my way from head to toe, I'm actually seeing various stages of healing on these. There seems to be some damage to the abdomen, which looks like it could have caused internal bleeding.

I'll have to examine internally to be sure, but the bruising looks slightly older. Overall, his skin is covered in some sort of filth. It looks like dust and dirt. potentially from the bike accident, depending on where he crashed. The case file says he was found about an hour ago, unconscious. No one knows when the accident actually happened. It could have been long enough for Keaton to die before even being found.

And that would explain the stage of healing. What was that? Hello? Someone in here? Curtis, this isn't funny. I said I'm not afraid of you and I meant it. Piss off. Continuing the initial exam, I'm seeing some more bruising and scrapes along the lower extremities, though it looks like some of this was bilateral bruising around both the victim's ankles.

I'm not super familiar with bicycling accident bruises, but I would imagine it's hard to get identical bruising around the same parts of the leg. Unless he somehow got stuck in the chain? I should have asked for additional photos, but it doesn't look like Crowley's team made it out to the site yet. My god is telling me something's not right here. Ready to launch your business?

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Eggers said to the interviewer he was convinced that the thing out there wasn't a vault. Yeah, I know what he thought. Dr. Eggers didn't think it was designed to keep things out. I know what he thought. He thought it was designed to keep something in. Do you even understand the difficulty trying to keep a base like Fathom at the bottom of the ocean from killing everyone in it on a daily basis? Oh my god... Everyone hold on to something! I think...

Whatever is on the other side of that door out there, it's not friendly. I think it's trying to get out. That, my friend, is a dire combination. That's a bad sign. Get out of the door! It's spreading like some kind of technological contagion. We can either stop it here or watch the world burn. Fathom. The first season of Derelict. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

Are you here to help me? Keaton? Where are you? Did the police finally come save us? Keaton. My name is John. I'm a doctor, but I do work with the police. Can you come out and talk to me? I don't want to. It's weird. What's weird? The... The you on the table. Tell you what, I'll cover up the table, okay? We don't need to look at that. He looks familiar. Keaton, do you remember what happened?

I was pedaling and pedaling and I think I escaped. Escaped what? Come on out. It makes it easier for us to talk. Okay, but just stay there. Okay. Absolutely. I'm not going to move. Who is that person on the table? Are you sure you really want to know? Is it... is it scary? It... Can be. Yeah, but... I'm not the best person to ask, I guess. Who is? Um... Curtis. Are you... I can explain it.

Oh, okay. Can you tell me what you remember first? I guess so. I was riding my bike, and I just felt so tired. And then I closed my eyes and kept pedaling. And then I woke up with a lot of noise and beeping. And then I saw you pushing that cart with that... Is it me? It is you. How is that possible? Are there two mees? There's only one of you, Geaton. But the one you is the one that's standing in front of me talking right now, okay? That thing on the table is...

Well, it's your body, but it's not- It's my body? I don't understand. Is this a trick? No, it's not. I'm sorry. I said I'm not the best for explaining this. Are you working for Gran? He's trying to teach me another lesson, isn't he? Who is Gran? Is it the person who did this to you? It's just another lesson. Please, you have to tell him I'm sorry. I'm not working with anyone, Keaton. Please!

of talk with the bilateral bruising on his ankles and the varying stages of healing on some of these injuries can you just tell me what happened no i didn't tell you anything you have to tell him i didn't tell you Bruising on his ankles shows about a centimeter depression all the way around. Maybe three inches tall. There was without a doubt something wrapped around his ankles for a long period of time.

I'm also noting some skin abrasions like he was pulling it, whatever it was. It's too early to jump to conclusions, though. I need to examine the abdominal bruising to be sure. Keaton, was there something wrapped around your ankles? I told you there was nothing! I'm ready to go back home! He takes good care of me! I need you to stay back there, okay? Don't come any closer and don't look. No! Gran makes me look!

I have to watch. Get back. You'll tell him. Get back. You'll tell him and I'll get in trouble again. Keaton, I'm not telling anyone anything. You need to go. I'm watching, Gran. I know. Be quiet. Go stand over there. I won't tell anyone you didn't watch. You promise? I promise. You're safe here. Okay.

I'm seeing a large amount of blood in the abdominal cavity. It looks like the EMTs tried to stop the bleeding, but they should have been taken to surgery immediately. I don't think they knew. The skin is heavily bruised. Showing signs of long-term injury here. This is not just from a singular biking accident. These are repeated patterned bruises on the abdomen.

I'm seeing some slight kidney damage as well. It looks like one of the smaller intestines is nearly perforated too. Oh my god. This poor kid. This is sustained, repetitive damage that caused minor internal bleeding that just got worse and worse. It was abused. By the looks of it, for years. He should be much larger than he is now, too, judging by the size. Keaton. Hey, Keaton.

Yes? I need you to be honest with me, okay? I don't know you. I... Grant said not to talk to anyone who asked you things. Come here. Come here. You did good, Keaton. Did I? You did. You passed the test. No matter how many times I asked you, you didn't tell me. See? I knew it! I'll tell Gran that you did a great job. I'm sure he'll reward you for doing so well. Do you think I'll get to use the bath today? I'm sure you will.

I have a second test for you, though, okay? Okay. It's for the best reward of all. What is it? It's a secret. It's a secret until after, okay? Mm-hmm. I need you to describe the place you live. What do you mean? Why? I need you to tell me who is there with you, what it's like, and give me an address. Really? Uh, okay. Um, it's... sometimes... You can be honest. Gran knows you don't like some things, and if you tell me, I can help make them better.

Sometimes my eyes hurt when he visits. The light is too strong. Okay. I can tell him that. What else? Sometimes I'm still hungry. We got less food this week than last week. And I don't eat much, but a little more would be good. Done. And it's... Stinky. I wish he would move mom. Move mom? What's that mean? Well, me and cousin Trudy want our own room. It's too stinky with mom in there, too.

Does Grand not let you bathe? We can sometimes, if we're good. But Mom never can. She's stiff, like a statue. We tried to move her, but she's heavy. She's... She's stiff. Yeah, and usually Gran moves them when they go stiff, but he said kids should be around their mom. You said others. Who else? Went stiff. Jeff was first, and Mom was super sad. She almost killed Gran, and it was so loud. And that's when we first moved into the dark room.

We didn't see Uncle Ben or Sissy again. After that, Aunt Julie went stiff, and then Mom. And it's just been me and Trudy ever since. Grant stopped visiting us much after Mom, though. I don't think he wants to see her stiff. Oh my god. Did I do good? You did very good. I have one last request. I need to know the address. Okay. That's easy. 662 Smith Drive. Thank you. Now, Keaton, I have to tell you something. What? I said I'm here to help, right?

I'm going to do everything I can to find Uncle Jeff, Sissy, and Trudy, and take them away from that place, okay? You don't need to go back there either. You're safe. You're never going back. I don't... I don't understand. I'm gonna call my friend, and she's gonna go to 662 Smith Drive to find all of them, okay? She's gonna stop Gran and get them out of the darkroom. No! No! You can't do that! And then she's gonna make sure that Gran can never do anything like that again to anyone. No!

I will be right back, okay? Right back. Please, just stay here. Crowley.

We have a really big problem.

Hey everybody, this is Vince Dijani, creator of How I Died. I wanted to let you know that the entirety of How I Died Season 2 is completed. It's ready to go. You can listen to it right now if you're interested on patreon.com slash howidied. Any money you pledge gives you access to different tiers of bonus content. We've got everything from autopsy notes to bonus episodes. And like I said, for $5 or more, you can listen to the entire season two right now. That includes the finale.

Binge it all, enjoy it all, and all of that money goes directly to supporting the show. That means it helps us pay our actors, pay our fantastic production crew, and increase the quality as we're aiming to go into season three. And yes, there will be a season three, so. Once again, thank you so much for listening, and we're going to jump into the credits.

How I Died is an audio media original production created and written by Vince Dijani, directed and edited by Chroma Secura, with mixing by Eric Howell. Starring me as John Spacer, Shana Waring as Sheriff Crowley, David Dixon as Curtis, Vin Vox as Dr. Kim, and Caitlin Roberts as Amelia. This episode guest starred Maddie Matsumoto as Keaton James. Thanks so much for listening, and until next episode, try not to die.

Alright girls, this is the place. We'll get everything loaded over to the boat and we'll lock up the truck. Don't leave anything behind. Wait, is that it? That's where we're going? Yeah, that's it. Seal Skin Rock. Wow. Return to the mysteries in Don't Mind, Seal Skin Rock. Subscribe now to catch the premiere, and we'll see you on The Rock.

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