S1 E10: Sloppy

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And where exactly are we going? Hickory Farms, way out east. Are you recording finally? Am I allowed to start talking? Yeah. The recorder's on. Good. So, let me bring you up to speed. A few days ago, neighbors started smelling something fierce around here. People have neighbors out here? I've barely seen five houses on this road. Yeah, about a half a mile or more in between. So you know the smell had to be pretty strong.

Still is. Oh, geez. So, Scott Hickory's closest neighbor, Bill Dewey, went to the house this morning to see what was going on. The smell had been around for a few days at this point, and Dewey reported that he hadn't spoken to Hickory in a few days. Which wasn't abnormal, apparently. So you'll see it as we're coming up, but the place is a mess. When we were called in originally, it looked like the place had just been abandoned.

Poor animals were all dead except for the two pigs. Anyways, uh, like I said, the whole place is a shithole. I thought nothing of it and was gonna call in a cleanup crew when I noticed some bones on the ground in the pig's pen. Looked way too big to be from a pig. Even a big old potbelly sucker. So you need me to confirm if it's a human bone? Yeah. And if it is... Yeah. Yeah, I know. Then we've got a crime scene on our hands. since.

What are you doing? Putting the window down. I got that, but why? It smells awful out there, and I just got the stink out of my nose from earlier. Actually, we should get used to the smell as we're getting closer. No sense in gagging as soon as we open the doors. Too late. Here. What's that stuff? It's called carrion. It's like Vicks Vapor Rub, but medical grade. Put a line underneath your nose. It gets rid of the smell?

Sort of. That's actually a common misconception. The truth is that if there's a bunch of decomposition in the air, the dead skin cells can actually get caught in your nostrils and stay up there for about a week. This stuff will catch any particles before they go up into your nose. That's... That's somehow way worse. Oh gosh. Is this finally it up here? Yeah. Breathing through your mouth can help too. Now I can taste it. Oh god.

I thought you'd be more used to decomp. No, nothing like this. We usually find one body, maybe two. And pretty quickly. This is a rancid slaughterhouse. Which way is the pig pen? Round back. And that's where you found the bone? Yeah. What about all the other animals? This is a pretty big farm. Are they dead as well? Unfortunately, not like the pigs. I bet. Pigs will actually eat anything.

Even people if they're hungry enough. That's what I figured. My first theory is that Hickory's body was dumped in the pig's pen, and the rest of the farm animals ended up starving. Pigs, however... And those two are eating the other dead ones, huh? Wow. They must have been really starving. We pulled the first few bones we could find out of the pen. But as you can see, the two living pigs decided it was time to feast. So how do we get them out? Out.

Yeah. We need to take them back to the lab to analyze the contents of their stomachs. You want to kill them? Of course. They're evidence. John, we can't just kill them. Let's just load them into a truck and we'll figure it out. I'm not going in the pen with them. Why the hell not? Well, for one, they may have just killed someone. So? Shouldn't be hungry now. That'll be fine. 75% of all livestock animal attacks are deliberate.

Oh, are you worried the big fat pig is gonna attack you? Frankly, you should be too. Tell you what. I'm going to go get Dewey to lend me a truck, and we'll get those two loaded up and back to my department. I still say just execute them and be done with it, but have it your way. So you can go and examine the bone for now. Where's the bone? It's on the evidence bag inside the house. Hey. Keys. Thank you. Good luck. I'll be fine. Fed to your own pigs, huh? Poor guy.

Depending on the type of bone found, I'll need to check for kerf marks or anything noting that a blade was used to dismember the body. Man, this place is a mess. I would say pigsty, but I hate puns. Look at all this shit. This guy was definitely a hoarder. What is this? I don't even know what I'm looking at. It's just piles of shit all over the place. Knickknacks on shelves with shit piled up all in front of it. I can't even see the floor in this part. Jesus Christ.

It's like an entire room of newspapers over here. Jeez. Look at some of these. This one's got a headline. Can't find coroner. Gone missing. Interesting. Is that the guy before me? He's like every year here. I know I promised Crowley that I'd stop trying to investigate this shit, but she's going to be busy with those pigs for a while. Let me see if he has anything back from 2013. Wow.

Here we go. This whole pile is 2013. I can't go through all of that. Increased ER wait times. Hospital visits go up 25%. When was that? Fall 2013. Vampire in our midst. Second body turns up with blood problem. Holy shit. I know those pictures. This is Jake Drazer, the purple guy from 2014. Second body. Jake Drazer, missing for three days, was eventually found in his car after visiting Springfield Hospital.

Drazer is the second purple body found in Springfield in two years. Late 2013, Frank Reynolds found after five days missing in sewer. Purple skin. Who the hell are you? Whoa, hold on.

Hold on. Holy shit. Get out of my house. You didn't even knock. Are you Scott? Scott Hickory? You're damn right. Oh, my God. Now I'll ask you again. Who the hell are you? My name is John. I'm with the Sheriff's Department. Oh, yeah? That mean you don't gotta knock? In fairness, I didn't expect anyone to be home. So you break in thinking it'll be empty, huh? Well, surprise, pipsqueak, you're not getting any of my gold. Your gold? What in the hell is happening here? Whoa.

What the? I don't know why I tried to move out of the way. You can't hit me, Scott. You're a ghost. What are you talking about? How'd you do that? Mr. Hickory, you're dead, right? Like, definitely not coming back to life. I... I, um... We found some remains, most likely yours, outside in the pig's pen. And that, right behind you, on your table. That's a bone. You didn't notice that? No. That can't be true. That was a dream. I woke up and... Woke up and what?

Thought everything was fine when you couldn't touch anything or didn't feel the need to eat or drink all day? Sorry. I've got something else on my mind and I shouldn't be taking it out on you. Do you mind telling me what you remember? Piss off. I'm not telling you shit. Look, I said I'm sorry. I'm trying to help. I ain't dead. I was just feeding the pigs and... All right. So if you're not going to move, I'll just...

Walk on through and look at the evidence on the table here. Get! Get! What in the hell? That was a weird feeling. The bone appears to be human. Looking at the length and, uh... estimated size of the victim, it appears to be a femur. I won't be able to confirm the identity until we have more remains, but the evidence is pointing towards a dead body and a missing Scott Hickory.

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My name is Troy the Valley and I'm the host of the glass cannon podcast. This is a podcast where my friends and I sit around and play role playing games and record it through improvisation using comedy and drama. We take the rules of whatever game we're playing and we turn it into a. So please, check it out, the Glass Cannon podcast, if you want some joy in your life.

Give it a listen. Scott, were you attacked? I guess so. I don't know. I remember being hit. I'm finding apparent bite marks and scratches from the pigs gnawing on the bone. There seems to be some crack here as well. Actually, looking closer at the femur, the cracks run a few millimeters down into the bone. That is a serious break. Was it recent? Oh yeah!

I remember that hurt like a mother! I can't be certain on the time frame, but the break indicates a very recent injury that was sustained anti-mortem. Could have been a struggle before the body, or... Before the victim was cut into pieces, but I'll need to further examine the wound under a microscope to be certain. I was cut up? Right now, I can't tell from the amount of bite marks and grime on this bone. It's completely covered.

I'll need to take it back to the lab and clean it to see the breaks and cuts. So... So I'm really dead? Unfortunately, yeah. Do you know how? Not yet. I was actually hoping you'd be able to help with that. Aye. I need a minute. John! I'll be right back. Yeah? Got anything for me? Well, it's definitely a human bone. Helpful.

I can't confirm or deny if it's Scott's until we get more than just a single bone. Since when did you start referring to the victims by their first name? I'll need dentition or some other definable remain to actually be able to test either the DNA or the records. Well, good. Because I've got a lot more for you. Oh? Dewey helped me move the pigs out. Turns out there's a lot of bits and parts left over. Anything we can use to ID him? Potentially. Have a look around. Man.

These are nothing but scraps. I'm gonna need to get some more equipment to be able to even tell what is human from what is pig. Was this where you found my leg? Did you see any cuts on the bone? Too early to tell for sure. If I had to guess, I'd say his body was chopped up and left for feed. Well, lucky for us, you don't need to guess, do ya? I'm just offering my opinion. I don't want your opinion. I want your facts.

Paired with my opinion. My opinion is based on evidence. Jeez. When did the rules flip like this, huh? You give me what you learned and hard evidence, and I'll do the rest. The bone was a femur, and it had a pretty significant break in it that was close to the estimated time of death. That indicates a struggle, like he was hit from behind. He was hit by a car. Ouch!

I was. I remember that. So, a hit and run then. But they left him here to die? What? No. He was hit by a car before he went missing. Dewey hadn't seen him for a while, so I pulled his records and it turns out he was admitted to the hospital with a leg fracture and was kept for three days. What bad luck. He got back just to die. Right? But, uh...

Got me thinking. You said pigs are known to attack their owners, right? Well, if you were a pig and you were hungry, you'd be pretty pissed if you'd just been abandoned for three days. I was killed by the pigs? Feels familiar. Wait. So you think this was an accident? I didn't at first. But I looked around. It was a pretty torn up looking crutch over there in the mud. No signs of anyone else being on the property.

Plus, no real motive. This guy was a pretty well-liked guy. And what about his gold? Isn't that motive? What? Quit fucking around. I just need you to comb the scene, gather what you need, and then we can go. I'm sure I'm right here, and I need your evidence to prove it. Damn. I was... I was way off then. Don't seem so surprised, Doc. I was doing this long before you got here, and I'll be doing it long after you leave. I just... I can't believe I was so wrong, and I just...

I went right along with that theory. Well, that's why you look at the shit in the sludge, and I look at the crime. Oh. Okay. Um, let me just grab some bags and we can go. Great. We've got another body anyway. Yeah, just let me...

I know it's probably become a meme by now, but this episode actually is my favorite episode of the season. This is the one that I've been talking about, been hyping up, and couldn't wait to release. The sound design in here was so much fun to put together, and I think it's probably one of our best ones.

the season. If you're listening closely, you can actually hear a difference in the sound effect of the rain from before and after Crowley and John pull up their umbrellas. The rain sound changes and it actually sounds like it's hitting an umbrella.

Just a lot of fun to put together, those little effects like that. But also the plot of this episode was one that I was really, really looking forward to. You know, I wanted to portray that John is not always right throughout this season. And in a few other episodes, he's not always right. But in this episode specifically, I wanted to give Crowley the limelight.

I wanted to let her intelligence and her detective skills shine through because I felt like they were overshadowed by John and that hopefully this episode will give him a new respect for his partner. Anyway, tons of fun to put together. I hope you enjoyed it. Once again, like the intro message. If you're enjoying this show, head to Patreon.

Check out all of the stuff on there. All money goes directly back into funding Season 2. It cost us a lot of personal money to put this show together, and I really hate talking about it and asking for you guys to support, but we've already upgraded some equipment thanks to some support, and we're looking...

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Write articles every single week that explain the episodes, go further in detail, and talk about some of the production behind the scenes. So I really think you guys are going to enjoy it. Thanks so much for listening, and thanks so much for supporting. And as always, we're going to jump into the credits.

How I Died is an audio media original production, co-starring Vince Dijani as John Spacer and Shana Waring as Sheriff Fran Crowley. This episode featured an amazing guest performance by Andy Christian as Scott Hickory. Audio editing and sound design was done by Vince Dijani with mastering by Alexander Mark. Sound effects and Foley provided by freesound.org are created in-house at Audio Media. The How I Died theme song was created by Mike Lynch at silentmikemusic.com.

and special thanks to all of our patreon supporters without you guys we wouldn't be able to continue making this awesome show and providing the additional content that we have so we really appreciate not only your listens but also your support Thank you to Michael Lynch, Nathan Boyce, Paula Small, Ray Snoke, Roe Thorne, Ryan Koenig, SK Pacman, and Teresa Waring. Check it out, patreon.com slash howidied. Thank you again for listening, and until next episode. Try not to die.

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former child actors or reality star whatever it is my name is Troy the Valley and I'm the host of the glass cannon podcast this is a podcast where my friends and I sit around and play role-playing games and record it through improvisation using comedy and

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