S1 E06: Responsibility

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Enjoy the show. Anyways, you have another guest who'd like to speak with you if you have a minute. Wait, she can see me? You can see him? What? No, he's outside in the hall. He asked to see you. Bower. Oh, yeah. Who is it? I'll go get him. He's been in my hair for days, bugging me with tons of questions. Yeah, I get it. I saved you. I'm awesome. Get over your hero complex, right? He's your problem now. Go on it. Don't touch anything.

Dr. Spacer! Remember me? I'm sorry. Do I know you? I should hope so. My name is Curtis. I'm the guy from the ER a few weeks ago. I was legally dead. Then I came back. Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do remember hearing something about that. What can I help you with? I was trying to get your number from the hospital directory, but they wouldn't give it to me. I should really be getting back to work. I was hoping we could talk sometime. Dr. Gatz? Dr. Gatz, are you still here?

Doc, what's going on? Who is this? See, I've been asking around about you. You just moved here recently. But when I woke up in that ER the other day, I felt like I'd seen you before. We haven't met before. I thought that too. But I definitely remember you. If you could just spare some time to talk, I would really... I don't know you. And this area is restricted. You really shouldn't be down here.

Do you believe in the afterlife, Dr. Spacer? Please. Because I think I had some sort of vision and- That sounds like something you want to bring up with a therapist or a neurologist. I'm neither, so if you could- Okay, okay. I'm going. But I really think it's in your best interest if you talk to me. Get out. Audio Media presents...

What was that about? John? John? What's going on? Go away. What? I said go away! Go back to your case file and leave me alone. Screw you. Seriously? Yeah, seriously. You don't get to take whatever weird frustrations you're having out on me just because I'm here right now. You're the one who stuck around.

You could have moved on a long time ago. I'm not ready yet. And I didn't ask you to get into my business. Then why get in mine? Because you were slumped on the floor looking like you were about to start hyperventilating. Pardon me for not being as self-serving as you, but I actually care about people. And I don't? No, I don't think that you do. You are the one saying ghosts always want something from you, but I think that it's you who want something from everyone else.

I'm trying to solve these cases for the victims. For people like you. You don't know anything. You were a judgmental prick to me an hour ago. You were barely talking to the other doctor when she was trying to be nice. And now this guy? What? He wasn't useful to you, so you don't care about him? That guy had a near-death experience in the ER. He was dead for over a minute. I saw him as a fucking ghost and I talked to him.

and then he miraculously gets revived, and now he thinks he saw me. Oh. Shit. Yeah, shit. He remembers talking to me as a ghost. What do you think happens if he keeps remembering or he figures out what happened? Nothing good. Yeah, nothing good.

I'll have to move again, and I swore I wasn't going to let anyone find out about it this time. Okay, relax. You don't know that he's going to put any of it together. People hallucinate near death, right? Right. Right. Which is why I just have to keep denying and pretend that none of this exists. So just keep your head down. No friends. No talking to ghosts. I shouldn't even be talking to you right now.

Just do your job in silence, leaving the victims to sit by and watch as you poke and prod their bodies. Exactly. Tougher. That was sarcasm. I can't interact with them anymore. I was lied to, tricked, and used for the first few cases here. They are not my problem anymore. Of course they are. You can talk to the dead. That is your superpower. It's a weakness. I can't rely on ghosts to help me solve cases. And why not? Because if I can't solve it without them, then it means... Means what, John?

It means I'm not a good enough doctor to do this on my own. Jesus Christ. You said that guy needs a therapist. It's not funny. I'm serious. You don't get to act like the victim here. You've got some weird baggage you need to get over. That's like the putt calling the kettle black. My point is, even though I don't know you all that well, I just watched you figure out that a woman was murdered by looking at a freaking photograph. So what? So, I'm saying you may be an asshole, kid, and...

You definitely are an asshole. But you're smart. And you're lucky. Gee, thanks. No, you're lucky that you get to have this ability. It can make you even better at solving cases. So if you're really solving them for the victims and not just to inflate your sense of ego, I suggest you stop fighting against this weird gift of yours and help the people who actually need it. And how will I know which people actually need it?

You know, you've got to figure that out on your own. From my experience, ghosts are just like regular people. Some will lie, some will be awful, but some will just be scared and wondering what happened. Scared and wondering what happened. Right Fine That's it? Where are you going? What are you looking for? Back during my residency

I got pretty good at pretending that ghosts didn't exist. I mean, there weren't a ton of them because we were using mostly cadavers who'd been dead for a while, but every so often, someone wandering the halls just looks scared and confused. but I pushed them away. I tried to learn as much as I possibly could so that I could eventually help, but with so many other people around, I had to ignore them and just keep going.

Okay. It was rough. I heard their screams and cries. Ghosts panicking in every part of the hospital. It wasn't a great system, but it was working. Until someone I cared about died. And his ghost roamed the halls. Oh my god. John, I am so sorry. I spoke to him. And it was miserable. And once I realized that he was dead, I became obsessed with the case. I spent all of my time at the hospital poring over case files and looking at his body and...

Until he eventually got sick of it. He didn't care what happened to him. He just wanted me to stop obsessing about it, but I couldn't. I couldn't. So he left. He moved on after months. And he left me alone with my boss and my classmates, thinking that I was crazy. So I quit.

And that's why you came here. Yeah. Okay. So why are you telling me this? Because you made me realize that I've been blind. And someone who needs real help has been in front of me the whole time. What? Here. Ray Melba. Died 1989. Wait, me? No, John. Put my file away. Can't do that, Ray. You're in the exact same spot I was, obsessing about a case. So now I'm going to actually try to help you solve it. No, you... You don't understand.

Melba was found barely breathing in his home after a gunshot wound to the head. Emergency responders brought him into the hospital, but he was pronounced dead only a few minutes later. Case ruled as a... That's a suicide. Yeah. You shot yourself. That I did. I don't understand. Why were you obsessing about your case file if you'd killed yourself? Because it wasn't my file I was thinking about. It was my brother, Mike. Same here.

Mike Melba. Found it. Whoa, whoa, wait, wait. I changed my mind. Why? Haven't you wanted to look at it for years now? I have, but... I don't know if I can take it. Why not? Because I know how he died. And I can't bear to see him again. You don't need to look. It's not that. It's... I'm the reason he's dead. You are? Yes. Please, John. Put the file away. I... I changed my mind. What happened? Ready to launch your business?

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Don't have much time. I am being transported by the ecclesiast vessel Markava to stand trial for heresy of the highest order. But I will not renounce my work. And to my last breath, I will speak the truth of this plague-ridden world. that ours is not a loving god, and we are not its favored children. The Heresies of Radolf Buntwein Chapter 2, now available throughout the known world.

There was an accident at the Springfield Corp lab. You killed yourself out of guilt. I did. I made him go back into a dangerous area. And he got killed for it. You two were working on something unsafe there. We were. We were contractors. Working on a material. It's supposed to dissipate geomagnetic energy from a blast. A blast? Like a bolt of lightning? No, no, no. Geomagnetic energy. It's a solar flare, not lightning.

So you were building some sort of environmental shield for the government. What did they expect, the world to end in Y2K? He called it the bubble. But I wasn't kept in the loop for a lot of the details. There were murmurings of trying to use the shield for military defense purposes, but we weren't government funded. I think that makes it worse.

It probably does. But it was exciting work. Mike and I, we were so close to finalizing a way to absorb the subatomic particles from the solar flares and then release them out slowly. You see... The problem was that there were these kind of flares that happened before, and they caused mass damage all over the globe. The thought that is if we could dissipate the flare slowly over time, it could prevent or even save the world from...

anything should the sun continue to overheat. It's definitely impressive work. But what went wrong? Ironically enough, an unexpected solar flare happened. It happened while Mike and I were working in the lab. The material wasn't fully functioning yet. I'm so sorry, Ray. Yeah, so I killed my own brother.

It should have been me in there. It was just an accident. You don't understand. I asked him to lock up because I wanted to get home. We were always supposed to have two people in the lab, and I left him there. If you talk to him, I'm sure he would forgive you. I can't. I can't talk to him. Why not? His body was in here. But I think his spirit is trapped in the lab. I don't even know if it appeared at all. So why don't you just go there to check? I can't. I can't face him.

So I sit here, and I think, and I think, and I replay everything in my head as punishment. I have to look at this file, right? Why? I just told you. I told you everything. If it's true, then he's patient zero. If anything, the weird shit in this town might have started with that explosion. Fine. Just make it quick. And can you turn off the recorder? I don't want some of this stuff on the record. Sure thing. Honestly, it would probably just sound like I was talking to myself anyway.

There. It's off. There's no report on Mike's death. Files just aren't here. All we have is a medical history. It's pretty extensive. Really? Yeah. Look at this. Page after page dating back to 1982 and then stopping in 1988 and then nothing until his death in 89. That's odd. He never told me about any kind of medical issue. The notes from 82 say he was admitted for headaches and run through a CT scan. Back then I had imagined that the technology wasn't as accurate.

They noted a blood clot in his brain. A blood clot? Sounds like a brain aneurysm to me, but I'm not a neurosurgeon. Whatever it was, they deemed it too risky to remove. Here. Patient given access to drug trial to reduce brain swelling. But it's noted that there was no change. You didn't know any of this. No. No, I had no idea. I don't want to jump the gun here, Ray, but to me, it sounds like the doctors tried what they could and then stopped.

Mike must have known that he was going to die. I pray an aneurysm. It's like a ticking time bomb. He could have died at any time. Living still, I'm the reason it happened that day. Might have happened early or it could have burst the next day. No one really knows for sure. None of this makes what happened any easier, Doc. I'm sure it doesn't. But...

You can rest assured knowing that Mike was ready to die at any moment. Why didn't he tell me earlier? Why didn't he tell me anything? I could have... There was nothing you could have done. I would have pulled him off the project. He should have been resting, not working. If he's anything like you, I can almost guarantee that he would have hated that more than anything. Hey, kid. Yeah? I know that this is literally why you hate ghosts, but we've got a favor to ask you.

Anything? I'm going to go now. To move on or whatever it is that happens. On the off chance that Mike isn't there... And you run into him? Can you... I'll tell him you feel incredibly guilty and that you're the most stubborn ghost I know. Yeah. Yeah. Seems like we've both learned a thing or two about blaming ourselves for things outside of our control, huh? What do you mean? Ray? Man, oh man, episode six was one of my favorites. It was so much fun having Curtis's character come in and shock.

John. And then getting to react like that with my buddy Ray, having that argument was one of the most intense and most fun scenes that we did together. Then, as we get further into the episode, we learn that there's a twist with Ray. He actually committed suicide, and it wasn't his own chart that he was trying to find.

Now, let me tell you that we are just in the beginning of the story arc here to figure out what is going on in Springfield, as well as meet some other quirky characters that we have planned along the lines. And obviously, we can't forget about Curtis. I hope you enjoyed the show.

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How I Died is an audio media original production, co-starring Vince Dijani as John Spacer and Shana Waring as Sheriff Fran Crowley. This episode featured guest performances by Ray Snoke as Ray Melba, David Dixon as Curtis, and Victoria Cericetti as Amelia.

Audio editing and sound design was done by Vince Dijani with mastering by Alexander Mark. Sound effects and Foley provided by freesound.org are created in-house at Audio Media. The How I Died theme song was created by Mike Lynch at silentmikemusic.com.

and special thanks to all of our patreon supporters without you guys we wouldn't be able to continue making this awesome show and providing the additional content that we have so we really appreciate not only your listens but also your support Thank you to and Teresa Waring. Check it out, patreon.com slash howidied. Thank you again for listening, and until next episode, try not to die.

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