S1 E03: Cold Chill

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Let me get this tape recorder on and put in a safe spot. There we go. We've got a new case this afternoon. File number 3367, William Horton, male, age 46, was brought in a few minutes ago after a car accident. found dead on the scene let's check out what's under the sheet whoa very dead on the scene geez the victim's been nearly completely decapitated interesting

Although the notes mention it was an accidental death with no complications, but we know how wrong they were last time. Honestly, I don't know why these beat cops keep writing down cause of death on these files. That's not their job. Keep to the facts. Today, we'll be reattaching vertebra and stitching up the skin around a neck tear in order to preserve the body for a funeral viewing requested by the family.

Right, Will? Your family misses you? Hello? Will? I can hear something. Are you there? Okay. I guess I'll get started then. Maybe this can be my first case in peace and quiet. I never needed to rely on ghosts in med school and I don't need them now. Where did I put my forceps? Oh, by the sink. Holy fuck. Jesus Christ. Will, is that you? You scared the crap out of me. Why are you just staring at me? Damn it. I've got to get a new set of forceps. My name is John Spacer. I'm a forensic pathologist.

Your body was found at the site of a car accident, and I'm trying to confirm your cause of death, which was kind of obvious. Why are you making that face? You can speak, you know. I can hear you even if you're dead. I don't understand what that means. It's not right.

You can just watch me if you want, but I really need to get started. A quick overview of the body indicates blunt force trauma to the sternum, seemingly caused by the seatbelt of the car. I'm noticing some radial lacerations on the arms and legs. Lots of bruising and possible subdermal hematomas. First, we'll get the base of the skull realigned. There are some bone fragments in the neck that need to be removed.

You know what, Will? You're making me a little nervous just staring over my shoulder like that. Can you back up a little bit? Let's put on some music, huh? How about that? Get in the zone a little bit? Maybe make this a little less awkward. What CDs did this last guy have? Why is it that every doctor likes classical music to operate to? I'd rather listen to whatever middle of the woods radio station we have out here. That was... nerd.

That'll work. Not too bad, huh? I'd ask what type of music you like, but, uh, you know. Oh god, you're nodding now. Great. That's not creepy at all. Now let's get these bone fragments out of your neck and reattach your head, huh? I've really got to stop addressing the bodies too. And here we go. Back on.

Thanks, finally. Sorry, Doc. Didn't mean to scare you. I didn't expect you to be so loud. You couldn't speak before? Nope. Not until you put my head back on, it seems. That's... Unusual? It doesn't always work like that? Not at all, actually. Your body shouldn't affect you as a ghost. Is that what I am? I was wondering why my body was on the table.

Thought I woke up in a movie or something. Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Unfortunately, no. It's more of a nightmare than a movie. Being dead? I meant for me, but I'm sure it's not great for you. Uh, thanks for your compassion. It's not my fault I showed up here. True, but being alone for once would have been a nice change of pace. I can stop talking if you want. Don't let me rain on your parade. Sorry. I mean, you seem like a nice enough person.

I'm just a little tense these days. Try being decapitated. Do you remember how it happened? Can I ask you a question first? Uh, sure. You always talk to the dead? At least once a week. Seems like you need to get out more. I'm more well-off than you, thanks for your concern. Ha, you've got me there. At least you're alive, right? Let's just say I've had a bad run when it comes to ghosts recently.

Maybe it's because you start off so grumpy. You remember what happened. Right to business, huh? Fine. One moment I've got the wind blowing in my hair, driving down the road in my Corvette. The next I'm being wheeled into here. unable to talk. You were wearing a scarf. Looks like the paramedics had to cut it off you. I'm seeing some red fibers in the exposed tissue.

I'd call it a convertible driving ascot, but yeah, why? Well, if I can read the chicken scratch on these notes, the officers assumed the scarf got caught in the wheel and nearly yanked his head clean off. Great police work. Ouch. Glad it killed me quickly. You're an odd one, you know that? How so? I don't know. Shouldn't you be sad to be dead? Yeah, see, I thought that was weird too. I felt...

really at peace once I woke up here, or didn't wake up, I guess. Strange. Will, I have to ask, did you want to die? Actually, if we're being completely honest, and there's no reason not to be right now, since literally no one else can hear me, I was kind of terrified of dying. And now you're at peace with it. You're not pissed off or regretting anything? Nope, not really.

Definitely a rare occurrence. I just turned 46 last weekend. Bought that Corvette with the money I should have been saving. Ditched work early to go on a little road trip with the love of my life, and next thing you know. Sounds like a near-midlife crisis gone wrong.

Hey, no sense in worrying about death now. At least I went out having fun. So it was worth it? Maybe. Too early to tell. Well, you let me know as soon as you make that judgment call, okay? So I can stick around? Yeah, as long as you want. Maybe finish off any unfinished business? Maybe see my kids. There you go. Make me look decent for the funeral, will you, Doc? Can't have my wife thinking I look awful the last time she sees me. Say, I didn't catch your name.

Spacer. That's an odd first name. It's John. It's hard to look any worse than you did a minute ago, but I'm sure your wife won't be thinking about how you look the last time she sees you. You don't know my wife. Well, I'd say having your head reattached is a solid first step, at least. Ah, joke. Look at that. Listen, kid, take it from me. It's not worth being unhappy your whole life. You're still young. Enjoy your 30s and 40s.

You have kids? No, I don't. Don't have kids. They ruin everything. I had a great marriage before kids. Great sex. We'd travel. Decent job. It was fantastic. You married Doc. I'm not, but can we not talk about me, please? I need information about you here. See, everyone lies to you. Old dudes like me always used to say, don't get married. Ah, I get it. This isn't really about me anyway, huh? But that's not the thing.

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It's the kids that ruin it. Didn't you just say you missed your kids? The kids end up driving you apart. You bicker when you talk. If you even get to talk, your love life completely stops. Then you have to worry about more bills, food, college funds. I had to get a second job. And yet you spent money on a car. I did.

Speaking of, you think my wife will be able to sell it back, even with all the blood and crap on it? It's nice you're worried about your wife's financial well-being, but I have no idea. No way. You got it all wrong. I don't want to give her a fucking cent back. Wait, what? Oh, yeah. I hate that woman. Okay. Either way, the car got smashed into a tree. Look at the photos. Smashed into a tree?

Yeah, you must have kept your foot on the pedal even after you died. Wow, look at that. I wouldn't worry about it. You were already dead by the point of impact. Did they find anyone else? No. You said you were about to pick up your wife? Oh, God, no. I said the love of my life. Which, at this point, I'm guessing meant it was not your wife. It was my receptionist, Candace. Of course it was. And, Doc, I wasn't the one driving. You weren't?

No, it was Candace. We were out for a joyride. She was driving us. I was in the passenger seat. That can't be possible. The paramedics found you in the driver's side. What? What's that mean? Hold on. What are you doing? I'm tracing the bruising pattern on your sternum. Why? You see this big bruise in the middle of your chest? Yeah? Well, these happen when a seatbelt is yanked across you. Hard.

Usually in a car accident, you might get some severe bruising, but a seatbelt should keep you alive. Not in this case. Trust me, in extenuating circumstances. But look, the central bruising occurs at the point of highest impact. The broadest part of your chest? But after, you get radial bruising in the line where the seatbelt was. Here. It's very faint. Take a look. It's a bruise across my right shoulder. Exactly. Indicating that you were in the passenger side when your head came off.

What a visual. But yeah, I just told you I was. You'd be surprised how many dead people have been trying to lie to me recently. So wait. Candace wasn't brought into the ER? The report says no one else was on the scene when they found your body. Hmm. If the bruising on your chest was from the right side...

It means she drove the car into a tree and then moved your body into the driver's side to make it look like you were the one driving. Wow! And here I told her I would leave my wife for her. We need to call someone. I really wasn't going to leave my wife for her anyway. But I mean, she didn't know that and she still tried to cover up my death. What are you doing? Calling upstairs. Why? Because, hold on. I...

It's John Spacer from the morgue downstairs. I need someone to check the ER for a woman named Candace... Oh, Brex. Candace Brex. She would have come in with some sort of bruising or car accident-style injuries. Can you see if she has a chart there? Great. Thank you. Do you think she went in? With this bruising on you, I'm sure she's at least there for something. Yeah, I'm here. She is? Don't let her leave. I appreciate it. Now who are you calling? Calling the sheriff.

Damn, I got a voicemail. Hey Crowley, it's John. Listen, the decapitation victim, he wasn't driving. He's got a seatbelt bruise starting on the top right shoulder, which means he was in the passenger seat when he died. I'm sure there was someone else driving.

I've called the hospital and they have a Candace Brex in the ER with bruising and trauma mirroring a car accident. Turns out she was our Vic's secretary. My guess is that she was driving and fled the scene. Not to do your job for you, but that's what I got on my end.

Give me a call back when you can. Wow, I can't believe she left me for dead. Any idea why? What do you mean? Well, if she moved a dead body and crashed into a tree, she must have some pretty convincing reason not to want to be on the scene. The affair? Was she married? No. What do I look like? A homewrecker? Any past criminal records? Nah, I would have found them when I was hiring her. I don't get it, then. There had to be a reason.

Is this what you do all day? Solve crimes? Sort of. I mean, I'm supposed to just be gathering evidence. Sheriff Crowley is supposed to be the one that comes up with the conclusions. You just can't help yourself, though, huh? What's that supposed to mean? Look at you. You're practically beaming right now. No more grumpy Gus. You love this crap. Shut up. I don't say this lightly, but I couldn't have done this one without you, Will.

I almost missed the bruising on your chest, and I don't think the cops really checked the car spokes. Otherwise, they would have seen the scar fragments. In fairness, I was very dead. And now Candace is very busted. Hey, jokes now too. Who is this new doctor? I feel... I feel good right now. Is this the craziest case you've ever seen? Not by a long shot. Ah, damn. But you are the first skull I've had to reattach post-mortem.

Now that's what I'm talking about. What else do you have to do to me? First, I've got to make sure your head doesn't come back off when we move you to a coffin. Clean off some blood, maybe make you smell a little bit better. Some cologne? Embalming fluid, actually. Slows the rate of decay. Oh, gross. Man, I can't believe I'm dead. Is this what it always feels like? I've never really asked. What does it feel like to you? Kind of...

Calm. Doesn't feel like a lot of anything. Maybe a bit cold? For what it's worth, I have heard that before. What do I do now? How's this usually work? Do we hang out or what? Most of you guys just kind of go. Go? Like move on. To an afterlife? I have no idea, sadly. Do any of them stick around? Some do.

It takes different times for everyone to come to terms with their own death. I've heard of a ghost sticking around for a few years, but it takes a toll on you. I don't know about years, but a few days might be nice. I'm sure your funeral will be soon. Why not go check in on your family until then? I think I'll skip the funeral, actually. Seeing yourself lying there is a weird feeling. But I'll definitely go see my family for a bit. Sure. Hey, Doc. Before I go...

Are there other people like you? I don't... I'm only asking because, I mean, is there any chance my kids could see me? I don't think so. I'm sorry, Will. Gotcha. Well... Nice meeting you. Hold on one second. Yeah? I was a kid when I realized that I could see ghosts. In kind of a very similar situation, actually. So it's not out of the question. Who knows? Thanks, Doc. Hey, Crowley? Get your ass to the ER. We've got bodies incoming. Mass casualties. I'll be there in five.

How I Died is an Audio Media original production. Co-starring Vince Dijani as John Spacer and Shana Waring as Sheriff Fran Crowley. This episode featured guest performances by Patrick Sokol and Chroma Sikora as Cadence. Sound design and audio engineering by Vince Dijani and Eric Howell at Audio Media. The How I Died theme song is created and recorded by Mike Lynch at SilentMikeMusic.com. Thanks so much for listening, and until next episode, as Sheriff Crowley says...

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