¶ Intro / Opening
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¶ Jon Recalls His Love For Luan
A lot of you probably don't know me. My name is John. I... I was... Luhan's boyfriend. Fiance, I guess. I don't know how many of you guys knew. Or if he kept it a secret, but... You and I were together for almost a year now. I met Blue back in our general psychiatry rotation. It's one of the final rotations you take in your residency. We both hated it. He always said that he hated psychiatry and therapy and most stuff could be cured by a change in diet or, you know.
Living a healthier life, not necessarily. Not prescription medication. Anyway. I don't know what to say. I... We fell in love. I'd known that he'd had a drug problem years ago, but he told me that he stopped and he was over it. He just had this passion for life that you could just see. And everything that he did. And it's not fair. I remember once he had a patient who died.
I always dealt with the aftermath, so I never really got attached to my patients, but he took it hard. I had never seen him as upset. We just decided to just leave the hospital that day after our shifts, and instead of going home, we went out for a drive afterwards. We just talked in the car, and he told me how he was feeling, and it was the easiest connection I'd ever made to someone.
¶ Jon's Grief And Self-Blame
And we were halfway to Richmond, Virginia before we even looked up. I loved him. I loved him. I don't know when he started using again. I keep thinking about replaying it in my head. What should I have noticed? What didn't I do, right? The police won't tell me anything. I don't fucking know, and I can't. I should have seen the signs. I blame myself if I just paid more attention. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten up to speed. you
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