this week on hot couple chronicles it's not fun if not everyone consents yeah you want to make sure that it's 100 enthusiastically consensual every single time there's a no yeah period believing jealousy doesn't exist and more so on that like if you're a good swinger oh you're jealous oh yeah good swingers just believing that jealousy is just such a bad thing and a horrible thing and i've said it once i've said it i'll say it a million times more it's a basic human emotion
yeah people say if you're jealous you shouldn't be in the lifestyle you're horrible at the lifestyle if you feel jealousy and that i never got that like how are you horrible at the lifestyle jealousy happens jealousy exists even in the tightest most solid couples your jealousy is that i mean you felt it i've felt it It's a thing that pops up. Yeah. It's gonna happen. Welcome to Hot Couple Chronicles, a podcast exploring the singing lifestyle.
Our discussions may contain explicit content and adult themes intended for mature audiences. While we strive to offer valuable insights and entertainment, please be aware that the views expressed are based on personal experiences and opinions. We encourage listeners to approach the content with an open mind and to prioritize communication, consent, and respect in their relationships. Remember, everyone's journey is unique, so take what resonates with you and leave
what doesn't. Thank you for joining us on our adventure. I'm Russ and I'm Ashley and this is Hot Couple Chronicle. Welcome back. Welcome back. Happy Wednesday. You look pretty today. I'm trying. I love when you curl your hair like that. We were doing the podcast and then tonight we have dinner with friends. I'm trying here. Today we're going to talk about mistakes that we've made and others have made in the lifestyle that we wouldn't do again. We wanted to talk more about
the lessons we've learned. We've all had what the fuck moments. Why did we do that? I've been gathering some questions and different answers and stuff from people on Instagram and in our email and everything. So we're going to talk a little bit about that. I made a post a couple weeks ago naming our top five. Yeah. It went viral and did really well. You got a lot of responses
to it. Yeah, for Instagram. post with educational stuff usually they don't do so well so it kind of inspired i figured we'd do a whole podcast and talk a little bit more about that all right first we're going to go into the top five things that i listed of mistakes that we have made that we wouldn't want to do again number one is going in without clear boundaries yeah that's just asking for hurt feelings and yeah Definitely recommend before going into anything. We didn't
know. No, we were doing. We had no idea. But definitely before you continue into lifestyle and choose to be in lifestyle, make sure that you're discussing sitting down, figuring it out what it is that you want. Yeah, for sure. Why and rules and everything. It's good to have. Yeah, we had that conversation really late in the game. But to be fair. We didn't even know the lifestyle was... And we didn't identify as swingers to... We were just going to have fun.
We were just going to have fun. Like, we would never. It wasn't until we really became swingers and decided we wanted to join the lifestyle that
we even decided to have that conversation. Even after we said, like, we owned the swinger title, I guess you would say, we... started having those conversations but it was really slow little a lot of small conversations and that build up to collectively it was our boundaries yeah and what we want and what we don't want and all of that it doesn't it can be like however you want it to look as long as you are clear Yeah, it's like we didn't sit down for hours and hours and
hash it out like this is what I want. This is what I do not want. This is a hard boundary. It was a whole bunch of small conversations that and then even then we didn't really dive into it for a while. All right. Now, mistake number two, assuming everyone understands consent just because they are in lifestyle. And that is not. That is not the case. Unfortunately not true. Unfortunately. It should be the case. Should be. We've come a long way. It has come a long
way since we first got into the lifestyle. Yes. I mean, there would be just people just come up and grab you. Oh, yeah. Especially early on. I remember having a really bad, hard time with
people. Touching you. Yeah. Respecting. consent and respecting asking to before they touch and it used to be a really big problem luckily we haven't had that problem in quite a while i think because we've been well i think we've been so loud about the consent part i think that they can't ignore it yeah we're pretty loud yeah that's the only way to put it is we are very upfront and open about you know as everyone don't touch me unless you ask yeah you can look but you can't
touch yeah make sure you ask before you touch very simple stuff but unfortunately especially with the older generation i feel like had a problem with it i think we had more of a problem with the older lifestyle now on that i still have like men are better yeah women i feel it's not all women but some a lot of women feel like they're not included it's just assumed that it's okay if they touch me yeah yeah unfortunately that's a lot of the case That's always been kind of...
And it's not true. My consent is just as important as your consent. So I think that's our next journey is, hey, girls, it's you too. It doesn't just apply to males or females. One or the other, it should be everyone. You should be getting
consent from everyone. And before group play, before you're playing with even a swap or... even one person anyone that needs to be a conversation beforehand that you consent and it doesn't have to be formal it doesn't have to be weird or awkward can be that's fine yeah i love it now because even when we go into group situations now like you hear the conversations yeah before play starts yes yeah it's a group conversation does anybody have any hard boundaries that we want to be aware
of everyone consent to be here yeah everyone consent to this or that and i do yeah i do love hearing the difference and and you the last couple you can see where people have almost hit a boundary and like with their partner or something like that and everybody pauses and make sure that everybody's okay yeah like i love that yeah it's like oh shoot we're just having fun we don't it's not that serious you guys are more important than what's going on right now And so we make
sure everybody's okay before we start playing again. Yeah, it's not fun if not everyone consents. Yeah. You want to make sure that it's 100 % enthusiastically consensual every single time. Make sure you have that conversation. It can be sexy. It can be, I've always wanted to do this. I've always wanted to try this with you. Would you be okay with this? It doesn't have to be so icky and official and weird. It doesn't have to be anything like
that. Well, it's the same type of conversation you have with... the partners as well yes like man i would love your wife too yeah or that's a good way to do it too so there's ways to do it that are makes a little bit more like man we're vibing man i would love to do this to her or i've heard you this and they could they'll just be like nah or yeah that's fucking hot and then when someone says no don't you know yeah then if someone says no it's all right don't
be defensive no you can't get defensive it's Anything but a yes is a no. Yeah. Period. And so you have to really, not only the words, but gauge their body language and everything that's going on. Not being pressured under the influence of alcohol or drugs or anything like that. It has to be consensual. Enthusiastic. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Emphasizing on enthusiastic. Enthusiastic. All right. So the third one is prioritizing others'
pleasure over your own. worrying about everyone else getting off and having a great time, which is natural for me to normally do. I fell in that trap for a while. Yeah. Like I wasn't like, yeah, we were playing. Yeah. But I wasn't having a great time. Yeah, it was very performative. It was. Yeah. Yeah, it was. I was just going through the motions. Yeah. And then you step back and
you're like, why are we here? if we're not having a pleasure and we're not enjoying the sex then what's the point in having yeah we're here to enjoy we have great sex by ourselves alone we don't need any of that to have that so if we're not here to enhance things why are you even here exactly that was definitely a big one that we got stuck into for quite a while i know me for sure and i think with the lf and the content creating and stuff it kind of does blur and it
does become A little performative at moments. When you are a creator like you and you're on social media, it's hard to not let that side consume you. Definitely don't want to do that in swinging land when swinging is our thing, our private. We had multiple conversations about that and trying to figure out, okay, when is
it work and when is it just us wilding out? you know like having fun like we had to really put those lines in place and talk before we go to an event or a takeover or a party but okay this is work yeah so we're going to have fun regardless but you know we're still working yeah and then where it's okay this is just us weekend we're not going to cut time out for content and tiktoks and pictures and stuff like that this is just going to be us and we had to draw those lines
because it was consuming you for sure like you weren't having fun anymore yeah because you want to listen to yeah all the wants and the needs that you want that's the whole purpose that the reason that you're there exactly you're there to have a good time and to feel good yeah so don't worry so much about everybody else Just focus on what you want and how good it feels for you. Go from there. Looking for a fresh way
to connect in the lifestyle? Welcome to The Playground, a modern space where open -minded adults meet, explore, and create unforgettable connections. Built for the lifestyle community, The Playground is where curiosity meets connection. Ready to join the fun? Click the link below and start your adventure with The Playground today. Mistake number four. Ignoring red flags at events. Or anywhere. Or anywhere. Really any red flag at all. Any gut feeling. I have come a long way
in this last year or so. I have really become adamant about trusting my gut. Because I know better. You're my cage. If something happens. I don't have the, I don't even know what to call
that. Intuition. intuition i don't know i just get a good feeling yeah i can just usually tell yeah like pretty fast if it's a good it's gonna be a good situation or a bad situation i can yeah it's a gut feeling and i have many many times chosen to ignore that feeling and every single time go back oh it took me it take because like i said you're my gauge there and it took me a while to just trust you because a lot of times i'm in the moment i think it's going to
be fun like it's everybody's good you see something that i don't and then i question you or i tell you oh no it's fine it took me a long time to just being paranoid yeah just yeah just blame it on it's easy to blame it on anxiety stuff like that Where now it's just like, okay, like I believe you. Every single time I've said this isn't this person. I'm not vibing with this person. There's something about them or this couple or something. I've never, never, never been wrong
ever. And so I've really just been, there's, you know, not everybody's going to be for you. There's so many people out there. A lot of that is the difference between a man's brain and a female's brain. Like you pick up on different things than I pick up on. Like you are definitely.
more emotionally intelligent than i am and so you see things in a different from a different scope than i do and where i would see something where it's just a couple just kind of play you know barking back and forth or something like that you see it as nope red flag like Like that's not play fighting. That's real fighting. I'm like, ooh. There's like deep issues going on there. Yeah. Something bigger is going on. And like I said, there's another couple out there
for you. You don't have to spend all your time and energy and focus on trying to fix people and trying to, you know, just some people are just people. Some people aren't the greatest. Some couples aren't, just aren't it. Yeah. And just go with your gut. If you see anything that makes you feel uneasy or you just don't like, you don't have to. be a part of it and you can remove yourself quietly, nicely. Remove yourself. It's all as simple as it is. We've done that.
We were actually pretty good at doing that from the beginning. Because we had some people with red flags that were very aggressive in the beginning.
We had to quietly remove ourselves without really just hurting, like being like, no. all right mistake number five believing jealousy doesn't exist and more so on that like if you're a good swinger oh jealous oh yeah good swingers just believing that jealousy is just such a bad thing and a horrible thing and i've said it once i've said it i'll say it a million times more it's a basic human emotion yeah people say if you're jealous you shouldn't be in the lifestyle you're
horrible at the lifestyle if you feel jealousy and that i never got that like how are you horrible at the lifestyle yeah i know and how do you yeah i never like i never everybody has their own journey and again jealousy is normal jealousy is okay and what you do with it also it's sometimes it takes couples to get into the lifestyle to actually find out it's not for them no No, it's not for everyone. It's not for everyone. We're
not trying to sell it to everybody. It shows how comfortable they are in their relationship that they are willing to explore it and then recognize that, okay, this really isn't for us. And then they step back. It's that simple. Jealousy happens. Jealousy exists. Even in the tightest, most solid couples, your jealousy is a thing that pops up. It's a thing that pops up. It's going to happen. So that's not true. Not true. And for the next segment, we have gotten a list
of stuff. A lot of people interacted and submitted their own mistakes that they've made and lessons that they learned. So I have a list of those. Number six would have and was going to be also on the list. I was between the last one and this one. And it's taking one for the team. And I've gotten that so many times. So many people have made that mistake. Including us. Yeah. Including us. I think everybody has. I feel like we've all been there. So. My favorite stories are.
Because we've both done it. We've both. More than once. We've made the mistake. But they're so nice. We always say they're so nice. My favorite ones are. When we don't. We misread each other's cues. And we both take one for the team. And then we don't realize it until after the fact. We've learned that lesson. I wanted to add that to my list. It was almost on there. And I knew everyone was going to be coming back with that
one. Because I think almost all of us have been in a situation where they're not 100 % turned on with the person. They can sit and everything. We've all been there and we turn not to make that mistake anymore. That's one that we definitely have. My favorite. I'll look at you and be like, we're not doing that. We're not doing that. We stopped doing that. Some of my favorite stories that we still laugh about are when we're both taking one for the team and we realize it in
the middle of a play session. We look each other. You ready? You ready? You good? Don't do that. We've learned the hard way. Yes. The next one is one that someone said, never play with more than you can handle. One guy can't realistically pleasure four women at the same time. So it took me a long time to just have, like, to be with
two women at one time. It's a lot. going on there's a lot because yeah like it's that's a that's a lot of work that's a lot of work i mean every man knows and woman knows that the female orgasm is completely different than the male orgasm takes much more time and it takes a lot more attention and to just get one female to orgasm when you have two Not just two, but two straight women. It's different if they're bi because then
they play with each other. But two straight women that are just strictly focused on you, that is hard to balance. Because then you're literally trying to pleasure everybody at once. It's a lot. I'm telling you, it is a lot. It's a lot. Not for everybody. It's not. All right. Hey, beautiful. If you're looking to feel confident and sexy, Voluptuous Fixin' has got you covered with stunning lingerie and outfits that fit every
curve. And for our listeners, you can snag 10 % off your order with code HOTCOUPLENGA at checkout. Don't miss out. Check out the link below and find your next favorite piece. The next one is invite a couple to your house on your first date. I already know how that could go bad. Yeah. We've never done that. We've never done that. But we have been to a couple's house on the first date. Yeah. Yeah, we have. It was just as awkward for us as I'm sure it was for them because they had
never done anything lifestyle. They were super, super, super new. And we just were like hanging out at their house. Yeah. It was late at night. Yeah. After the bomb. It was. Yeah. So that one, like we went to their house, like we did play with them. Yeah. But we went to their house two or three times before we actually played with them because no one could get, I never like, I never got the vibe that to start playing, to make the move. But they were so new and so young.
They were young. They were very young. And they, we were at their house. And so, yeah. But yeah, it always makes it awkward. That's why I would definitely always prefer to meet at a restaurant or a club or a place that's neutral. A good space where you can excuse yourself a little bit easier. It's a little harder when you're at your own house especially because you have to kick people out of your home pretty much and be the nicest possible doing it. It always makes things a little
bit... I've also heard horror stories of it going
bad and the couple getting in a fight. like physical altercations and then the first date you don't even know the people at all so you have no idea who in the heck or what they're like together their chemistry and yeah yeah just don't do that yeah don't recommend you're out of time and then never change rules when you're drunk or in the middle of play yeah never that's a big yeah huge one that definitely should be on there definitely do not break rules when you're in the middle
of whatever yeah you're not going Don't change things. Don't adjust boundaries. In the middle of play, even if you're completely sober, that is not the time to be like, hey, I'm going to do this now. Hope you're okay with it. That's not the time or place to have that conversation. You stay within the boundaries and then afterwards, that's a conversation you can have at a later
time. Like, hey, I think I want to... try this next time i know we've talked about it but how do you feel about it now that we have a little bit it's always okay to adjust and yeah boundaries and everything but definitely don't do it when you're under the influence when you can't consider no and when you're in those are later conversations and do it in private every 90 of the time your boundaries and rules are going to adjust because but they're also there for a reason exactly to
address that reason in the middle yeah stuff like that it's just not But when you're adjusting your boundaries, that means the reason that boundary was there is no longer a problem. You don't change the boundary just to make your partner happy either. You're changing the boundary because you're both comfortable with it. Okay. Never hard swap with a couple that indulges in substances
that we aren't comfortable consuming. and that goes back to just same with the last one anytime you're under the influence of anything you can't consent and also it's not fun it's sloppy yeah it's not it's usually not a good time anyway if you're yeah if people aren't in the right frame of mind and everyone's not present i definitely prefer sober and at least you know for the most part yeah i definitely prefer sober like a couple drinks is fine but past that it just starts to
get a little bit Not fun. A couple drinks is fine. That's just like a social lubricant. But when you get to anything not that or too much of it's not like you don't feel anything. Everything goes up. You're not experiencing the sensations and everything that you want to feel because you're not all there. It's just not good. Don't do it. Yeah. Don't do it. The next one, not discussing the experience afterwards. Yeah, you definitely need to unpack. And some people prefer not to
know details and not to talk about it, but. I, let's see. I can only speak from our experience and it's, we enjoy watching each other. Yeah. So. When we talk about it, it's like reliving those moments. So it might be different. Some people don't love to hear details and hear the ins and outs about everything that someone does. But for overall the experience as a whole, it's good for you and your partner to discuss that
part. I think it's part of growing and part of being in the lifestyle and evolving and stuff. It's good to get it out there and just talk about your experience. You don't have to if that's your thing. You don't have to get into the nitty -gritty details. It kind of goes back to your wants and needs and desires. I desired this. I wanted this. I got this. This happened. Didn't love it. Let's not do that anymore or for a while. Back off a little bit. All right. And then the
big one, another big one. that was going to make my list as well is jumping into fast rushing thin things instead of easing your way into the lifestyle and i think that's a big mistake that a lot of people make i think yeah everybody gets very excited yeah i always talk about that cocaine effect it's very it's a rush you get into that environment and you kind of get consumed and you start doing things that you think is okay but before you talked about it like you're just
assuming it's okay yeah and you're jumping you're jumping in way too fast you're going in head first usually without any communication without communication just and it's nine times out of ten it ends badly yeah slow down it's not a race we always say that's one of our biggest tips that we tell everybody is to just if you're vibing with a couple and you're one of you isn't ready to swap or play with it anybody else it's okay your vibes there you're going to have another
chance yeah you'll connect and the more you connect and the more often you see each other and the more you're around each other you don't have to do sexually but that does help in the long run yeah get comfortable and be yeah be and be and be and be Alright, for the next segment, we're going to talk about unspoken lessons no one warned us about. We're going to warn you guys about. That's what we're here for. First one is the lifestyle won't fix a broken relationship.
Yeah, 100%. It will expose. Just like having a kid to save your marriage. Same idea. It's not going to make it any better. It's only going to amplify all of the things. People think In the beginning. It is helping. Yes. Because there's that honeymoon. That adrenaline rush. Yeah. Excitement. And they. Hot people. Everywhere. Hot people. And then. You get to touch. Your sex with your partner is really hot. Because you can't go on. Yeah. Because it's just sexy. Yeah. But that's
when. Relationships become sex based. Which sex is an important part of your relationship. But it can't be sex based. Yeah. And that's where it's going to expose a lot of the fractures in your relationship. It will not save your marriage. You need to be going into this lifestyle with a strong foundation or you are going to be in trouble. You can build the best house in the world but the foundation isn't there. It's just going to crumble. All the old people sayings.
All the old sayings. All the cliches. All the things that applies here definitely work on your foundation before you build on it because it will yeah 100 expose all the cracks faster and then the next one friendships can get messy i feel like they can yeah especially when you involve people that don't have strong foundations and have right that's what i was gonna get i was trying to word that is people, well, they don't have strong foundations and other people that
don't understand the boundaries that you and your partner have and they cross your boundaries. Because you need to set boundaries for your friends as well as. Yeah. And then so you don't, when you don't trust your friends, then you, you try and bring it up to them. If they're not good, they get defensive and yeah, it can be a whole thing. Just like any other friendship. You have to work and put effort into it and it's complicated
and it can get messy. But then you add sex on top of it and marriages and relationships and stuff. So the chance of things going bad are a little bit higher. And, you know, set those boundaries with your friends or even non -lifestyle friends. You should be setting boundaries. All of our friends know that we put our family first, that we are usually 99 % of the time busy with kids and life and work and family and all of
that. And it's hard to get. together and it's not the easiest and we do struggle to get date nights in and stuff with people and you have to be a little bit more patient with us because we do this is what we do for fun yeah this is most part this is our free time yeah we don't have that much of it so we try to as much as possible what helps you know we do share it with you guys but it is a little bit more complicated and stuff so set those boundaries and make sure
that you yeah that kind of goes back to the part where your boundaries like set your boundaries before you even get into it everybody period with everybody with everyone yourself everyone yeah all the boundaries yes and then handling lifestyle burnout because that's a real thing yeah and it's okay to take breaks i know we know a lot of couples that do take breaks but hot take though hot take we actually discussed this not too long ago we had a late night discussion
on this but I feel like if you... I don't know. I don't want to make anyone mad, but I think that if you step away from the lifestyle and you stop being in the lifestyle, that usually is a red flag for me. I don't know. I think a lot of the couples that say that they're taking a break from the lifestyle are... Yeah, we did talk about that. It's usually a marriage issue.
Yeah. Also... And it's okay to not actively swing and not go to events and not go to clubs and not do all of that, but to remove yourself completely from being... a swinger in the lifestyle and stuff that yeah when you completely ostracize yourself for a while and then come back like nothing happened it's always a red flag that's a that is a red flag because we build real friendships in the lifestyle yeah if any of our friends in the lifestyle just all of a sudden just stopped
communicating with us and said well we're not in the lifestyle like well i thought we were friends yeah yeah I think because the definition of lifestyle is it's your lifestyle. It's the way that you live. That is something. Another hot take. Hot take. People call this a hobby. Yeah. But it's a lifestyle. When can everybody just own it? You know what I mean? For some people, they do it once a year and they go to Hedo and come home. And it is like a... So I feel like
that's the... For me, again... that's there between the lifestyle and swingers i mean a swinger yeah yeah or being like a exhibition like i don't feel like those two words are synonymous yeah i think if you're saying lifestyle that you're not monogamous it's part of who you are as a human being so yeah and it's i mean it's okay to not go to events and not go to parties and not do all of that and everything else and it's okay to take breaks and it is overwhelming i
get that i do but yeah it can be a lot not just emotionally and physically but financially oh yeah oh yeah it's not cheap it is expensive not cheap to be here no so yeah i get people taking breaks but it's the people that have to feel like they have to announce it yeah yeah that yeah it's the people that it's the same for people that like focusing on their marriage usually it's because there's something in the marriage and that's okay to do that and focus on that
but yeah it should be something that you're doing every day anyway yeah like i don't know i guess it's just hard to understand when it is such a part of our life because we've taken breaks i'd say we've stepped away but we were still in the lifestyle We still talk to our friends. We're still swingers. That's what I was going to say. We were actively playing and going to the club or clubs and takeovers and stuff like that. We're still talking with our circle and
our friends and being a part of it online. We are real friends. They're real friends. People that announced their exit and then cut everyone
off. that tells me that you don't want anybody to see what's actually going on yeah just a red flag just and it's not and red flags aren't don't mean it's like end all be all it is just a little thing to keep an eye on that's what i always try to tell people people get so defensive when i say that's a red flag it doesn't mean that it's it's not it's toxic or it's a no completely shut down it's just something that i keep an eye on and again with that gut feeling it's just
something that i I watch and I look and I observe and... Everyone has red flags. Just a warning. Everyone has red flags. Oh, I have so many. Yeah. Like, I have red flags. You have red flags. Like, we all have red flags. It's just a warning. Just a little... I feel like there are more cues onto if... Are you going to mesh with that person or not? Yeah. And everyone's like... Like, are their red flags not copacetic with your red flags?
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Use code HOT, that's code H -O -T, at checkout to get $30 off your first order. Don't walk, run. It's time to take charge of your sexual health today with shameless care because your health is nothing to be ashamed of. All right, next segment. What would you tell your past self? If we could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself? Like how far back in time? Probably the beginning, I'd say. Like the lifestyle? First day. Or like 18? No, lifestyle. Lifestyle.
Because if it was my 18, like... You're not going to believe this shit. Lifestyle. Well, hang on. Just wait. But not lifestyle. I would tell my younger self what we say every single week. It's not that serious. Don't make it weird. There's a reason we say that. It's not just something
we say. It's part of our everyday. phrase we say all the time um i would say that oh you are attractive people do find you attractive your penis is big enough what else get comfortable being uncomfortable it's okay to be uncomfortable we've said that one way before the lifestyle okay to be comfortable uncomfortable that's when the best things happen when you're uncomfortable yeah don't be afraid to voice how you feel or what you want your needs your wants how you're
feeling yeah you're uncomfortable anything at all be comfortable speaking up for yourself and standing up for yourself because you do and you will have to in the lifestyle you will have to be a voice for yourself and your partner and your friends and the lifestyle in general we are but don't be so scared it's okay to not like things to like things to have an opinion it's okay yeah it's It's okay to have an opinion.
It's okay to not be okay with everything. Their emotional response isn't your responsibility. And it's an us thing. That's all that matters. Nothing else matters. And sometimes that does help me to step back and say that to myself and realize none of this matters that much. As long as you and him are okay, it's an us thing. That's all that really matters. All of this little stuff. As long as we're good. The world's good. That's
it. All right. What do you think is the biggest mind shift that we've had over the last five years in the lifestyle? Our biggest shift, I feel, is we recognize the emotions that happen. And the fact that it's okay to have emotions. We spent so long just no emotion, no emotion, no feeling. We fought it. We did. And the fact that we were feeling a certain way or that we were close with people, we felt guilt about it. Yeah. Like, we're not supposed to do this. Scary.
I'm only supposed to have emotions for you. Yeah, no emotions for anyone else. But it's recognizing that there's different type of emotions. Yeah. And emotions are, again, natural and they're going to happen and feelings happen and it's okay. I think that's been the biggest shift. It's not the enemy. Because we would, in the very beginning, like, if we started getting too close to people, we would just. Ghost. Yeah, we'd be like, this is too, this is getting too
heavy. It's getting too serious. It's too scary. And yeah, we would just run. And now. I found myself, I, with people we've met recently, like, I, you even said that to me because I was like, I forget what I was saying one day and I was going, I was having a moment and you were like, you're starting, you're trying to. Pull back from them. Oh, yeah, yeah. I forget what I exactly
said. I call you on that shit now. Yeah, I forget what I exactly said, and I was like, it's getting too scary, so you're starting to put that wall back up because I'm starting to, like, you know, analyze it and getting a little too scared of things, and then you're like, there you are trying to run them off again. So I have to remind myself, and it's good to have somebody that keeps you in check, too. Yeah, and I don't say it, like, in a bad way. No, no, no, no. It's literally
just that. It's literally just, like, because
I... I recognize it. yeah so you reckon because you do it so naturally that's what i've always done you've always done it don't let anybody in block your heart block the wall up yeah and so yeah i do tend to fall back on that and i have to remember i have you to remind me well you called me out on my yeah just different different yeah different thing yes all right and then one piece of advice for new people ending the lifestyle now off of all of that say my i would say to
anybody new single or in a relationship that it's not a race yes slow down there's always going to be plenty of time to people you're gonna find plenty of people and be patient you're gonna find i know it's Depending on where you live and who you're hanging out with and the clubs you're going to and the places you're going, it might take you a long time to find your people and it might take you a long time to find somebody to swap with or to even be interested in swapping
with. And that's okay. There are people out there. I promise you every shape, every color, every size, everything. You will find your people that are into the same stuff that you're into. They're
out there. Sometimes it's just we're lucky and we live in a really... populated area full of swingers and we're very very spoiled with the clubs and the events and all the things here but if you live in you know arkansas or iowa or somewhere where there's nothing you're gonna have a little bit harder time finding your people but i promise that they're out there they're very discreet yeah i promise they're out there because you're in the bible belt you're gonna
have to just search a little bit harder be patient you know just in general another i got another one too and this again for singles or couples is understand that as a couple or a single person you're being invited into another couple's dynamic relationship so understand your place yeah yeah and your purpose and your purpose why you're all there and what yeah and that purpose can vary and that reason can change but just understand that you're being invited into that other couple's
or people's dynamic yeah it's kind of a big deal yeah no just be respectful exactly kind be a good human just be nice really it's very simple as that put yourself out there too like don't be afraid to just go out there and say hi and to talk to the person and everyone's like oh they're out of my life don't Do you know how many times that I've been out of my league in this last five years? Do you know how many times I've looked at him and be like, what is happening
right now? I would have never imagined. It's all a vibe. It's all energy. It's all a personality thing. It's so much more. We've pulled some dime pieces together. We've looked at each other at five. There's been moments where we're just mind blown, speechless type thing. It's just about, it's about so much more than looks and about the perfect body or the perfect whatever face or smile or eyes or whatever. Really? I would say this in its confidence. Confidence. Find
your confidence. Yeah. If you believe it. They're all going to believe it. So whatever you believe is going to be what it is. But if you're going to believe it, believe it. Believe it. Yeah. Because if it's disingenuine, everybody's going to see you right through it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You have to believe it with your gut and your whole heart and everyone. It will be. Period. Yeah. And that's, I mean, I know it sounds insane,
but watch. You just watch. You just watch. Go out there confident and everyone else will believe in you too and everything that it is that you want to be. You can be in this lifestyle. And that's probably one of my favorite things. There's someone for everyone. And nobody is out of your league. I promise. I promise. That's not a thing here. It's all about the chemistry and the vibes and humans. Be kind. Be good. Just be a good person and be friendly. You know, be charismatic.
Go make friends. Smile. Make eye contact. Just be. Just be. Just be. Be yourself. Be yourself. Yeah. All right. And then for the last segment, the best decisions we have ever made. Redemptions. These are our redemptions. Learning to walk away and saying no. We're back to that pretty much. Yeah. And it's come full circle. It's okay to realize this is not something that I want. This is not something or someone that I'm interested
in. And there is power in just not and saying no and speaking out for yourself or your partner
or both of you. yeah saying it's not just speaking up with other people it's speaking up with your partner yeah and to yourself recognizing that you don't this isn't something you want personally and then going from there you're choosing what you want and what you don't want and say have power in that even negative emotions can be turned into positive emotions that's okay yeah like even if you're having a bad experience and you step away from it and you eventually figure out
why it was a bad experience for you why you didn't like it no and then you go from there and you grow and then the next big one is surrounding ourselves with the right people and that has changed yes pretty much everything in this past year or so we've really We've revaluated a lot of our relationships and our friendships with people and who we surround ourselves with. We stepped back and we were like, is this really what we want? Is this really who we want to be
associated with? Is this really what we're wanting? We definitely have rekindled old friendships
that we realize were very valuable. We've taken a step back from some friendships that... we're not serving not serving yeah not yeah and we've built some new amazing friendships yeah and it's amazing what you attract when you allow it yeah when you are just being yourself and you just put that wall down and you just become authentic and you are who you are you attract that yeah and it's amazing how you can attract that just from being yourself and you'll find the people
come to you. It's like a magnet. As soon as you put yourself out there and you just be your true self, you'll find people that gravitate towards you, that love you. And that just, it's good. It is. It's a good thing. That was the best thing. We built a pretty good tribe. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah. It's the 3 a .m. No questions asked. Shovel. Yeah. I could call. Shovel type of people. Yeah. Yes. And. Not only people and friends and everything, but the people you play with. So not settling
for just any and any. Well, and I think now because we're surrounding ourselves with people that we're comfortable with, who we're ourselves with, it allows for the conversations to happen and to fulfill fantasies that aren't possible with that. Certain level. Yeah. Just. Yeah. So the more comfortable you get, the more fantasies you get to explore. It's a whole new world. Yeah. 100%. I'm here for it though. 10 out of 10 recommend.
10 out of 10 recommend. I'm here for it. And the last thing I would have to say is embrace the fun and not the pressure. Yeah. Yeah. If you're feeling a lot of pressure. Expectation. Expect. And those usually come from expectations. What happens when that doesn't happen? You can easily get pissed off. We know people who go in with super big expectations and then they leave not fulfilling those expectations. They
throw a fit like a child. We've seen full -blown tantrums from these people that are like this. It makes total sense though. If you go back a few weeks when I talked to Jim, we learn everything emotionally by the age of eight. And if we don't work on ourselves after that, we are responding at an emotional level of an eight -year -old. That's exactly right. Temper tantrum, we see. So they're not doing it. And that's another red flag is, oh, you're not doing the work on yourself.
You're not actually finding why you're. Trying to figure out why you're having these feelings. You're just blaming it on everyone else. That's usually the thing they deflect onto someone else. Take it out on, unfortunately, their partner and their person. Yeah, unfortunately. And that's where you start seeing relationships crumble. Yeah, that's the gist of all the most common list of stuff. People regret the biggest mistakes
they've made. hearing all the time on social media and dms and emails and podcasts comments and all of that that's pretty much the big i know there's so many more if you think of anything else dms drop us comment down below youtube wherever you're watching this or you can put a comment just about anywhere nowadays so social media dms and we have email there's so many different ways to reach us if you have more We're always up for continuing episodes and talking more about
these things and hopefully helping you avoid some of these mistakes that we've made and others have made along the lines. Try to give a couple cheat codes to make it easier. Yes. We don't want anybody to make the same mistakes. We've learned some hard lessons. There we go. That's what I was trying to say. Learn some hard lessons. We're trying to help you out. But next week's episode, we will be live at Secrets. It's going to be exciting with the motherfucking leaves.
I'm so excited. We're finally going to have them on the podcast. We're probably going to sit down. Yeah, in person. We've talked about them pretty much every episode for the last. They've almost been on our podcast. Quite a few times. But something's always happened. The internet keeps testing us. So we're finally going to sit down with them. We have two days with them at Secrets. And then we'll be there for five days. So we should have
time. We're going to probably do another. podcast as well while we're there us wrapping up the weekend and all of that too so definitely look forward to all of social media we're going to be having all the secrets things all the tiktoks and instagrams and we'll have all of that coming here soon and that's really the big thing going on right now secrets is kind of a big deal it's pretty pretty huge event for us two three times a year so we're excited to be there and do that
and have time together and It's been a week in Florida. It's always a good turn. But if you enjoyed this episode, make sure that you leave a review and share it with your friends. Comment below. Like all the things. Do all the stuff. Please. Share. Please. Please. And remember. It's not that serious. Don't make it weird. We love you guys. And we will talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.