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I just was so completely terrified in that moment, but I just remember instantly having this feeling of oh, I'm going to die here. Now I look back on it in a completely different way, where I'm lying you were trying to do things in a world that wasn't really built for you.
Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Hope Is Real the podcast. The podcast designed to help you feel a little less alone, a bit more inspired, and.
Of course, as always a lot more hopeful.
Now this is my final interview episode of the season. I've got one more episode coming up next week, which Isn't Asked Me Anything.
Submit your questions. We're going to be answering a whole lot of them.
But this episode, I have one of my favorite humans on this planet, and I don't say that lightly. If you live in New Zealand, even if maybe live in Australia, you might know who this person is. Brie Thomas l She is from the Bri and Clint Show on ZiTm, the Drive show.
You may ener honestly Britishish Island.
She has recently just released a book called Unapologetically Me. Bree's story is I don't even really know how to explain it. Honestly, you're just gonna have to listen to it. She has gone through some crazy things and has come out the other side and has chosen to speak about this so that other people don't feel so alone. And I will, as always put it a bit of a
trigger warning. On this episode. We do talk about the specific trauma that is involved with it, which is around a home invasion, which is a very traumatic home invasion, which does go into detail. But if at any point in time you feel like you need to take a break or anything like that, as always, you can pause this, you can come back to it, you can choose some We'll come back to it as well.
That's okay.
Breach out for help if you need it, contact your local helplines, talk to friends and family members. If anything in this episode comes up and you feel like you want to chat, that's okay.
But Bri and her incredible story as coming up right after this. Brie, welcome to Hope, as were all the podcast.
I feel honored, Jazz, I feel.
Honored that you're here.
This is I was thinking about it when I was driving in to do this. I don't know how many years I've been doing interviews on your show for I think every season of this podcast. I've come on and chatted. I've managed to dig up a photo of I think when I think it was before the first but the first podcast episode came out, and it would have been maybe when a book came out or something of you guys before we were actually friends. So we've been doing I don't know how many interviews.
Don't don't out me on how old I am and how long I've been doing radio, but yes, we've knownly done it for a long time.
In it will be seven years at the end of this year. Wow.
Yeah, you know what it would have been Girl on the Bridge when the movie came out. I think I did a and I think that'll be on Oh my Goodness. For those who don't know or if you're not from New Zealand, Brie is the one of the drive hosts from the print Print.
Show Short at the Branklin.
Show on zid in which also this is part of the zitim podcast network.
But you have just had a book.
Come out which I been read in a day, which, first of all, to anyone who knows me, knows I don't do that. Did you binge read in a whole day. Yeah, Like I literally said, I did not put it down. I could not put it down, and I knew, being honest with me, one hundred my friends ask my housemates, I missed the shoe as well.
I'm pretty sure you did.
You send me such a lot.
It was like, this was insane, and now my housemates are all reading it as well.
And after I read it, like like I said, i'd.
Kind of I've known you for a long time, I know, but some pieces of your story and I've wanted you to come on this podcast for a while, but you hadn't really talked about a lot of this stuff publicly before this.
Book kind of came out into the world.
And I do want to get to there, but I would love to just kind of go literally right back to the start.
What was life like growing up for you?
Life was amazing as a kid, Like I grew up on an apple orchard farm kid.
I don't think I wore shoes till I was like five.
It was just, yeah, an incredible childhood, Like I had have amazing parents and we just had this really kind of I lived in a bubble really like country kids we live in a very naive bubble and yeah, it was awesome, like, played a lot of sport, loved school, loved everything until obviously.
Yeah, I talk about it in the book.
A really traumatic event that happened to me when I was nine years old, and I feel like from that day it set me on a different path. And you know, that bubble was definitely burst and yeah, changed my life forever.
I still remember the exact moment where we were when you first told me about what had happened when you were nine, and we were I was driving you home from it, went to the comedy show, and then we went to an after party together, and then I was driving that's right. Yeah, And I remember it because I remember being in the car with you and you started talking about this, but at the same time you were also like, I mean, it's not as bad as and I was.
Like, Brie, but it was so like to the fact, I still.
Remember like every aspect of that conversation because what you went through and then reading it kind of and the book, it just was so it's so insane.
Can you tell people who haven't read the book? Ye, yeah, what happened when you and I?
Yeah, so I was home from school because I was sick at the time, and my mum, me and my brother we went into town to visit my nan. So we lived on the outskirts of town, so like about fifteen minutes outside of Stanthorpe where I lived, where I lived, and we went to visit my nan, who lived in the township.
And it was just a.
Normal day visiting my nan. And I remember I was sitting at the kitchen table and there was a knock at the door. And in a country town, you know, people pop over ask for a cup of sugar, That's what it's really like. And my Nan made her way to the front door, and I just remember immediately knowing that something wasn't right, and it's a feeling that you never want to get where it takes over your entire body.
And I remember hearing these voices of these two men who pushed their way inside and they were holding my nan at knife point. And I mean, as a kid growing up in the country, I had never experienced anything like that, never seen anything like that, never heard about
anything like that. But I just remember instantly having this feeling of, oh, I'm going to die here, and as a nine year old, like I just was so completely terrified in that moment, and I just remember I kept looking at my mum and my Nan, who was so harm and I think it was because I was in the room and they didn't want to panic me more.
And it was at one point where one of the guys started ransacking the house and they were they were addicts, looking for a quick buck, looking for whatever they could get.
That's what they were doing. And so one was ransacking the house.
And it was at that point that the other one who had sat my Nan down at that point, became really angry because he was asking my mum for the keys to our car that was parked out the front, and my mum stood up and handed over her purse and he pulls out this banking bag because obviously we had a business and my mum had just done the banking that day. It's like a calico banking bag. And he's like, you're fucking with me, Like this is bullshit.
And it was at that point where he threatened to take me and kidnap me, and all I remember is looking at my mom, just completely terrified, and I remember her saying to him in that moment, you can do whatever you want to do.
Just don't hurt my daughter and take me with you. I will go. And oh it makes me, it makes me like I can.
I still remember how I felt, I still remember how they smelt like. I just remember everything about that moment, and I truly saw how much my mom would give up for me, which was her own life, you know, and from that day, like, I've never been the same and my childhood, you know, was never the same from that moment.
If you could say anything to those mean, what would you say?
I would I don't know if i'd want to say anything to them, but I think I'd just be like, do you understand what your actions and what your decisions you made on those days, how they affected people? Because I don't think people really realize sometimes the lasting effects you can have on another person. But from that day, my mom, my, Nan and I were changed forever.
I was I'm gonna cry again, but I was crying when I was reading it in the book because I again knowing you and also knowing kind of everything else in the book and context of all the stuff that you went through, but then knowing the person that you are.
And this is why I think I said in the message to you but the way that you show up for people, in the way that there is every every excuse for you to have not become the person that you are from that like that and everything else that you've been through is like it's reckon horrific and like you said, it changes a person. But you are like
one of the most loyal people. You Like you were there for me when my world was flipping upside down, Like you're the friend that shows up, and I think that's just such a testament to your I'm.
Going at a ball as well.
No, but it has because I remember I did a video a while ago that was talking about the fact that everyone says, like, oh, your trauma made you stronger, but your trauma traumatized you, and in your case, it literally changed your entire life. And what made you stronger was you and whatever you did between nine and now, every day that you had to get up and face it and live with those panicked feelings and things like, you've just become one of the most phenomenal people that I know.
Thank you.
Not because of that, but despite that.
Yeah, that's honestly one of the nicest things someone has ever said about me.
It's it's a funny thing.
So someone asked me the other day because obviously this book has opened a lot of conversations, which I'm ready to have those conversations now, and I'm really proud of myself that I've been able to be vulnerable enough to open those doors. But someone asked me, and they said, what do you think or how do you think you would be.
If that didn't happen to you?
And it's something that I'd never thought about before, Like would I have anxious thoughts? Would I have panic attacks? Would I have become the person that I am today. It's such a weird thing to think about and something that, yeah,
I've never really thought about that before. It's kind of hard to think about, to be honest, because I feel like, you know, those two men stole my childhood in a lot of ways and stole that feeling of lightness, you know, that I don't think I've ever had since that day.
Well, I think they didn't just steal your childhood, that they stole your peace. This is something that didn't just affect you in your childhood years, and it's so it's so hard to know. And I've actually been having a similar conversation with my therapist. At the moment, we've been going back through my early child protection files together, and a lot of the stuff in there from when I was like three, and that same thing of like I wonder the person that I could have been if this
not happened. But I was speaking at a conference a while ago and I got asked to speak on resilience, and I feel like resilience is a word that we just hear constantly all the time, and I was like, I want to do something different with this, and I ended up finding a definition that it wasn't talking about humans, but it was talking about objects, And the definition of resilience and objects is to be able to return back
to original form. And thinking about that in this context of what your life could have been without that, I think almost the journey of your adult life and through your teen years has been trying to get back to that original form, that kid who.
Was happy, who was carefree.
Like that's the journey, and that's the part that even you know for me as well, of like getting back to the happy, bubbly girl that was once described in those files. Resilience isn't just about facing through the storm and now I have to work you know about how do you kind of restore what once was?
That's such an interesting definition and like as you were saying, and I was like, oh my god, it's so because you know what, I feel like, there's and you'd be the same.
There's those parts of me that I still have.
But then I feel like it's quite amazed sometimes to get back to there. And so I feel like, you know, if those traumatic events didn't happen, would it just be more of a straight shot maze to be able to get and unlock those parts of yourself, you know, those the bubbly, happy light parts yourself, Like, would it just be easier to get back there? Whereas now you have these barriers or these you know, walls where you have to figure it out more and it takes time.
Yeah, it takes a lot of time.
And it's also like, when stuff like that happens, there's so many different aspects of your life that has affected your trust in people. The PTSD of it. I don't did you ever get diagnosed with PTSD.
It's interesting.
I went to a psychologist once, this was quite a few years ago, who I told, like, I talked to him about, you know, that event in my life and I was like, you know, I feel like I could have PTSD, Like I don't obviously, I'm not an expert. I'm not really sure, but and he kind of looked at me and said, you know, I don't know if that's right.
I don't know if this is connected with this.
And from that moment I kind of just shut it down and was like, oh, well, he says that it wouldn't be the case.
But it's interesting.
A friend of mine who has a psychology degree read my book and she knows me very well, and she goes for him to say that there's no chance of you having PTSD is mind blowing to me, you know. Yeah, And so that's something, yeah, that I've also taken from this process and hopefully we'll find out more in the future about.
Yeah, I mean, it would one hundred percent makes sense purely for the fact that you can still me with the smell of them and like their voice and all that kind of stuff, Like so much of that is related and I don't know if this has happened, you know, I really kind of hope that you never have to run into the smell of that again. But that's a lot of the stuff with those kind of traumatic events.
I did a bunch of exposure therapy for mine. So one of the things that I couldn't handle was sunflowers, which sounds really stupid, but for me, one of the things that happened when I was super young, one of the assaults from someone within my household was in a sunflower shed, and so I remember seeing the sunflowers and then.
I would have this like visceral reaction to some.
Flowers when I see them out and that was just the brain being like just auto associating it. Or if you walk past someone in a mall and you smell the smell of those people, immediately you're back there and being able to remember a lot of those things as things that especially like the fact that that psychologist would be like, oh, nothing's related, like nuts, Like it's you're nine years old, You're being threatened to be kidnapped by these people who are holding a knife to your nanna.
How did this How did this situation like resolve?
Yeah, it was I think, like thinking back on it now and I can remember every single thing that happened. It was it was in this moment where my mum was pleading with this guy that she would go with him to the bank. She would do whatever he wanted as long as he didn't take me. And it was at that point that the other guy came back into the situation from ransacking the house, and thank god, he had a more level headed thought where he was like, we don't want to do that, Let's leave these people,
and he calmed the other guy down, thank god. And I know this is like so ridiculous, but I'm so grateful for that person him in that moment where he, yeah, pretty much shut down that situation and they left.
Did at any point.
So the guy, the one that was threatening to do that, he was one that's holding the knife to your yes, nansa.
Did he attend to mine?
He held it to ye.
Yeah.
At that point, he'd sat my hand down, and I remember, because I was quite a scorny kid, like I was quite a little scorny nine year old, and I remember my feet just being able to touch the ground because he was holding me with one arm and then kind of had this knife so pressed up against my throat that it was basically like I couldn't speak because it was there was so much pressure, and he obviously wasn't in his right mind. Like and you could tell that
where everything he was saying, he wasn't thinking properly. And it was so interesting because after that happened, like the events that unfolded afterwards, like I had to go as a part of the court proceedings, I had to go to a child psychologist and they had to assess me and deem weather it had had lasting effects on me, And I remember my mum never told me, like she just kind of you know, she tried to shelter me
as much as she could. But obviously over the years we've talked about stuff where she has been like, you know, the report from that child psychologist was that you definitely had lasting effects.
Did you ever look at that report?
I've never seen it.
You know you can, Yeah, I don't know if you should, but you can.
Yeah. It would be interesting and maybe something I'll do in the future.
Yeah, it's I only asked because eggin going through all the files with my psychologist at the moment, there's an interview with me from when I was three years old that's in there and they kind of document it word for word, which is insane, But also what made.
You decide to do that?
Where you were like I want to open up those files from obviously the darkest time in your life and work through those What gave you the courage to be able to be like, I'm ready to do that?
I think that to be honest, I started to get a lot more kind of PTSD symptoms that were starting to come back up again, and there was some of it there, especially from the earlier years that I have blacked out completely and also just don't really understand because it was so missy like, and so I just was like, I'm sick of this controlling my life and my relationships, and like I'm still so afraid of people being close to me.
And I don't want this to control me anymore.
And so I basically just sat down with my theory and I was like, I want to I want to
do this now. Yeah, And so yeah, it was literally it was only last week that we went through and like read everything together, and I just like sat there balling my eyes out, just as I was, you know, because there's a lot of like there's a lot there's a lot in there, and there's a lot of kind of still confusion because there's you know, three different men that are named from three to four years old, but it just it's going to still be a process to
go through. But it's just that feeling of like, no, screw you, this is not going to control me anymore. And I think for a really long time I had just managed to push it aside so much.
I'd done like a lot of.
What so many of us do.
Yeah, exactly, And you'll take parts and work on certain cards and then keep other parts kind of you know, pushed away.
And then you but sometimes you don't realize that stuff's still there until something sparks it. So like for me, it was I remember when I was doing Dancing with the Stars and we did our very first rehearsal and I had to put my hand on my dance partner, Brad's chest, and I freaked out like I couldn't do that, and I was like, what the heck? And that was something for me that I then had this memory of from And you know, so there's just a whole bunch
of things. And I've done a lot of stuff on my like kind of later childhood, but the earlier stuff I've never touched.
So yeah, I'm so proud of you.
That's so amazing, like to be able to say you know what, I'm not going to let this control me anymore, and I'm going to face all this stuff and have the courage to open all these parts of my life that I've pushed down because it's not going to control me anymore. And that's such a powerful thing. Jazz.
I mean, you've just done the same thing with this book.
Like I remember coming to your house because your dog was sick at the time and you being like this is like you're freaking out.
It's terrifying.
It is terrifying, and I like, the writing process is hard, and you're having to confront everything, the fact that you chose to do that, and you really lay it all bear in this book.
You're literally like hear it.
See even that makes me anxious, Like, oh my god, I really did you did?
But but like it's just one I mean, I couldn't put it down because first of all, I felt like I was reading a freaking episode of Law and Order, Like I.
Was like, what the hell?
But also like it's just the way that you articulators is phenomenal and you really kind of get drawn into too who you are.
But I know that that process is not easy.
What was the writing process like for you having to revisit that because you've basically done a form of exposure therapy yourself by writing about it in detail.
Yeah, you're so right, and as you would know, you've written like a thousand books.
I think you were the first person I asked for for advice. I was like, how do you do this? And you've been just so amazing. Yeah, it was horrible in parts, horrible.
I also remember at one point you saying, I don't really have anything to write about.
Bree Thomas Town.
It's obviously me writting from my past jazz, you know, or just me thinking that, yeah, what I have to say isn't that important, which you know, I've struggled with self confidence my whole life. But I think in the
process of everything, like I found it really difficult. Like, don't get me wrong, Like it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, partly because of the concentration it takes and how difficult it is, but secondly, yeah, bringing up every piece of you know, every piece of your dark past, like the good, the bad, and the ugly, every piece of dirty laundry Undie's included, and writing it down on a page.
Where as you're writing it.
You're like, people are going to read this, Like there's stuff in there that is funny, but I'm super embarrassed about it. There's stuff in there that I think is so raw that only the very very closest people to me no, And I think getting your head around the fact that it's going to be out there for anyone
to consume, like is really difficult. But my reason for writing the book like never waivered during the whole process where I was like, I need to be this honest, I need to be this vulnerable because I want to help someone else.
I want.
At least one person, hopefully a few more, because it did take a long time to read it and to just feel understood.
You know. What's the response been, Like, it's been amazing, Like it's such a crazy.
Thing, like in the world we live in today, like where people can connect with you, you know, and you can have conversations with people that you don't know, and just the response I get from people just saying you've made me feel like so seen and I feel heard and understood, and those messages make everything worth it. All those anxious thoughts, the sleepless nights that.
I continue to have.
Yeah, that connection with people has made everything worth it.
It's the hardest thing putting yourself out there to not only face the stuff that happened to you, but then to literally write it out word for word and have people read it. Is not something a lot of people do, and it takes a cramped under strength and courage and bravery.
And I know that I've seen this to you before, but the fact that so many people are gonna find so much hope and strength and be seen because of your ability to do that and your story is so like, it's so wild in so many ways, not just what happen when you were nying, but kind of everything else that you wrote.
About in their book.
There's so much that people won't relate to my story, but people relate to yours. People won't late to like Macro found it like these everyone's story matters.
You know. What do you find that?
I think when it comes down to like, people who have been there are able to truly understand. And I feel like that's one thing that I'm so grateful for. Like all of the bad stuff, you know, especially that moment and all the panic attacks and anxious thoughts that I've had over the years. One of the best things that has come from it for me is I'm able to help people close to me that if they're going through a similar thing. I've talked people out, like down
from panic attacks. I've been there to be able to know what they need to hear or to give them what they need. And that's something I don't think I would have unless I have lived it and been through it myself. And it's something that I'm so grateful for and would never want to change about myself. And I feel like you're the same.
I think you know it's so true, and I think that that's probably why definitely, and that in that time that I was like.
Yeah, here it all is, I come here, and you were like, but I.
Also knew that you weren't going to like, well, I don't know if you were for about I knew that you wouldn't like freak out and jump to worst k or like you know, like as whereas a lot of people can if they don't understand that.
Sometimes it's just like it's just a lot.
And I feel like we've we've kind of shared a lot of those kind of different moments. I remember you getting your ADHD diagnosis was.
Which I talk about in the book an I was like, I got.
I got a name mentioned there. I felt very special. No, I again I for.
Some reason, those are the These are the two moments I specifically remember with you. One was in the car hearing that story about the breaking, and then the second was being in the Xenim office and you came in and you were like, I think someone said I possibly potentially have Adhdeah And I was like.
The look on your face where I was like, and you think.
So, I meant listen, well, okay, for what was it that made you think initially that like, what was it that made this conversation come up that you were like, oh, is this is this potentially a thing?
Yeah?
Like it's so I love thinking back on it now and how oblivious I was, because I'd never had the thought where I was like, oh, maybe I've got adhd and maybe that's why I've always felt a bit out of place and things have been a bit harder for me.
But it was my producer, Ellie, who worked on The Brian Clint Show for a number of years, and we're like family when you work in a radio show like that, and our show's always tight knit because there's not many of us, and her and I just from the day I met her, we connected.
And I always say this to people, I'm like.
Everyone, you know, sometimes I meet people and I'm like, they're lovely people, They're not my people. And sometimes I'll meet people and I'll be like my people. Like when I met you, I was like my people.
I think we initially connected because we were standing in the corner of an event one time because we were both into.
Yeah, and I was like, can I stand here with you?
We just stood there and then we became friends essence.
And I was like, do you feel comfortable uncomfortable at events? And you're like yeah, And I was like, do you want to stand in the corner this whole time?
And You're like yeah. Now at every event, I'm like, I.
Literally do the same thing. Goes stand in the corner, yeah.
And just to feel comfortable and like safe.
But yeah, she and she was one of my people where I was like, oh, I just connect with this person, Like there's just something where we're so similar in so many ways and anyway, we were so close over the time she worked on the show and then she left to go do amazing things and she got opportunities. And it was probably maybe a year and a half or even two years after she'd left the show, and we'd
still kept in touch and with still friends. But I remember I get this phone call from her and she was like, how are you blah blah blah, and I was like, what's happening with you? And she was like, oh, I've just been diagnosed with ADHD. And I was like, oh, amazing, Like how do you feel about that? And she's like, yeah, no, it's been really good and I've been working through the process. She's like, I've actually called to be like, maybe you should go and look into this, because you know how
you and I are real similar. And she has a degree in psychology and she loves she people and understanding people. And I was like, oh, well, she thinks that I should go get checked. Maybe I should go look into this.
And in true ADHD form, it took me a year and finally I think I was ready because I think deep down from that moment I started doing my own research and started thinking about things in a different way, and I think I probably knew, but going through that process where the first initial assessment was with this beautiful woman who I talk about in the book.
It was over zoom because it was still all.
COVID times, and she just said something to me like, we went through, you know, obviously the process, which is quite a lengthy thing, where I talked to her about my childhood and all the rest of it.
And at the end of it she said to me, she's.
Like, well, look, I'm ninety nine point nine to nine percent sure that I can say to you that you have ADHD.
And she's like, I know, I just want to say.
You know, hearing about you, know, your life and what you've been through, I'm just so proud of you. And she's like, look at how look at you and how well you've done and you've battled you know, hope.
And it was right, don't cry, await me cry, because that's everything that I would want to let that that articulates everything. Then yeah, I think of you and that as well, like, oh, I'm not crying.
I'm not crying. I'm not crying.
But it was it was such an amazing moment from this woman who I just met in the zoom for the past two hours, and she was just kind of like, you know, I wish you had been through this process earlier, and you could have understood yourself more and it would
have made things easier for you. And God, it's been amazing, like getting that diagnosis, and since then, I've done my own research and it's just given me this whole new outlook on my entire life and who I am as a person, you know, and it's allowed me to be kinder to myself.
I degrieve the old.
Version of me, like who I thought I was this kind of you know, person who never fit in and struggle their way through and was a bit hopeless at times and lazy and all the rest of it.
But now I.
Look back on it in a completely different way where I'm like, fuck, good on you for pushing and struggling when you were trying to do things in a world that wasn't really built for you.
Yeah.
Yeah, I oh man, I remember that that same feeling when I got diagnosed and being like all of these things that I thought were just wrong with who I am, it's just a disorder.
Literally, disorder literally And I like, I.
I know that I, as someone with ADHD struggled a lot with even relationships and friendships because they're out of sight, out of mind for.
A lot of people, does I still do? Yeah.
It doesn't just exist for objects, but people, if they're not in your everyday world, it's so much harder. And I remember being like, oh my gosh, it's not just that I'm not just a terrible friend, Like, it's actually really hard for me to stay and that's why I have I don't know how many unread text messages on my phone?
Don't look at mine? Should we compare? Yeah? We should? Okay, Yeah, how many do you have?
Text messages?
Yeah? Text messages.
Oh, actually, mine's not too bad of text right now. My emails are terrible.
What do you Okay, do text and then we'll do emails.
Fifty two text four hundred and forty that's insane. Okay, emails, what do you got?
Wait?
Where's my How do I find my my thing?
Doesn't it should just be up?
Okay?
Oh no, I have two different apps, so I've got Gmail and then my other one. But my other one is thirty nine thousand, seven hundred and eighty five and my Gmail was eleven two hundred and forty one.
Mine's like two up, so you win the emails.
I think my tics have been reo because I usually in the hundreds, but they must have been maybe when.
I got you're so in demand though, like the amount of people that would be sending you emails offering you this, oh come and do this jazz or whereas obviously the people who are closest to you have your number.
Yeah, and so you're better at that.
Yeah, yeah, my emails. I can't believe.
Email like i'd have thought today, Like I will just have random thoughts that pop into my mind where I'm like, remember that email you read like two weeks ago, you probably should apply to that.
And like just and I was just like, oh, that's right. Yeah, does that happen to you.
All the time, all the time? And then I just have it.
Then I'll have a day of like I'm going to reply to everything, and then the next day I'm like, no other.
Will reply again, and I'm gonna reply again, and.
Then that's another two weeks because like when you reply everyone, but you don't just do it at once like you do like one person, you do. You do a bulk reply to all of the things you've avoided for the last.
That's exactly how I function.
And my manager always makes fun of me.
He's like, oh yeah, but one of those days.
Yeah, that literally the same here even for the podcast, like the hy producers and Sam who works here, He'll always know when I've taken my meds because he'll be like, she's just sent me like twelve emails and all of the things that we've been needing her to do for so long, Like, I'm so sorry, I just took my meads.
I'm hyper focusing. Now are you on?
Are you on medication for you already?
No, so not at the moment, like and like I've spoken to you because you've been so amazing and given me advice. And when I was first going through that process, so I tried one type of medication and I gave it a go, and I feel like it wasn't really doing what I wanted it to do and wasn't serving me or making things easier. So I was like, I'll just put that to the side for now, but definitely doesn't mean that I won't try another one in the future or you know.
Yeah, I definitely, I think.
Because you tried how many of you tried Now.
I've tried three different ones now, so the first one didn't work for me at all. The second one, I thought at the time was because I was focusing and I was doing all the things about man.
The side effects were wild like that.
I think I was the most hydrated I've ever been in my entire life, because I would just be glugging back like really doesn't lead as a water every day and then the crash was insane. But I also found that on the last ones I also struggled to hold a conversation and that kind of thing as well, whereas the ones that I've just been put on. So my psychiatrist was kind of going through all the different options and he was like, this is one where these other
ones don't work. This is what people can use, and it has been a game changer. Like literally, the only thing that it's really doing is quietening my brain and then just kind of evening out that sounds nice my mood, and that's kind of it. It's not making me do the super hyper focus.
It's not like we're.
Giving you that verse.
Yeah, no, I don't.
I don't because it's I take it three times a day, right this one.
It's some smaller doses.
So it's been like for me, I'm like, oh my gosh, and this is the first time I've taken ADHD meets consistently because the last time I wouldn't because I didn't like how I felt on it.
But then I'll be like, oh, my laundry.
Is run out and I've started using bikini bottoms is underwear, Like I need to focus, I need to focus on different things. But yeah, it's such a like and for each person it's different. Like I know that especially for you, you're in a creative job where your ADHD has served you well so much superpower. No, literally most of my
career is like my ADHD. I'll give credit to it because it's like two am Like all of our big creative ideas that we've had for voices will come at to Amgen, Like literally two days ago we came out with our kind of next. I'm really excited for it. I think it's one of my favorite creative things I've come up with. I was standing in the shower and I literally had music on, so I had my phone like on the other side, and I grabbed my phone.
I just start voice recording over to Gin and I'm like.
Here's the idea, like in the middle of it, because at that time I didn't have my I hadn't taken my morning mids.
Yet, but it literally is like it's a superpower.
And they say that people with ADHD don't just think outside the box, they create an entire new one. And that's why there's so many people that are super successful with ADHD. And once they begin to understand that's what it is, and they can leverage that and not just think they're a terrible person and like a useless and
lazy and like all of that kind of thing. Like I remember with voice a few years ago before I had this diagnosis, we had these two big campaigns that were running at the same time, and me and Jen could not be more polar opposite. And she was in charge of one. I was in charge of the other. For her one, she had to like book flights for like a whole bunch of people coordinate all these things, were booking out a movie theater. She like, her to do list was insane. I had to buy post it notes.
Guess what I forgot to do by post it notes? She had to buy the post it notes, And I remember her being like what they had, like why one tiny? Or she'd like be like sending me forms and like why the heat can't you sign it? And then once I got the diagnosis, it was like, oh, this makes this makes so much sense, and.
I'm like, I'm so so I'm trying my best, but I just like fault.
I'd like bright is why I know?
And it's so.
But also having ADHD mimics a lot of other symptoms from other illnesses, so a lot of the times people can get misdiagnosed as well, and I think, yeah, this is why kind of doing circling back around to the question around PTSD, I know that for me when I was a teenager, I ended up getting diagnosed with originally with BPG, which is borderline personality disorder, but it was really they were kind of like, uh, you don't.
Really fit when they're just shove you.
Yes, there was the easiest thing for them to do, which was annoying because as well they're label of that on your hospital files. It's the most misunderstood. It's just labeled as attention seeking. And then as I got older and had a rediagnose and like no jazz. You have ADHD and PTSD and those two things combined, especially because of the ADHD if you have the hyperfixation on things as well, and you get stuck in the with the trauma side of it and the flashbacks and that physical feeling.
Because you think the same way you can get hyper focused on like tasks and you know that kind of thing, or hobbies.
Yeah, you can get hyperfixed, hyper focused.
On trauma, and it can sometimes mimic symptoms of other things.
I feel like I should be paying you for the system.
I feel like everything you're saying, I'm just kind of like, yeah, yeah, amazing, Yeah, I totally understand that.
I mean, it took me so long to when when I heard that from my psychiatrist psychologist, and I was like, oh my gosh, like this because for me, I was the impulsivity was the reason that they gave me the BPD thing that it was like, No, what it was was that there was this trauma response and then I would mull on it for so long and I would have physical flashbacks for it, and my ADHD bought in my impulsiveness, which then I was like, I.
Need to get out of this now.
Yeah right, And so that's what it was for me. And obviously that kind of shows up differently for other people.
And that makes so much sense now that you're saying it.
But how freakin hard and long has it been for you to get to that, My God, where you're like, yeah, that makes so much sense.
So much sense, and it's been able to, like you said, have just been able to have so much grace for yourself and like I remember again my therapist saying, like Jazz, you did the best with the situation that you were in at the time. Like I think there's you can be so angry at yourself, like how you respond and like why am I not just over this? Or why am I still dealing with us? Why am I swimming these panic attacks?
Why am I?
You know?
But it's like I still get angry at myself to this day, did.
You like when you If you do that again, I want you to pull up a photo of nine year old Bree. Yeah, look at the girl that was living in that situation and that went through that She did the best that she freaking could in that time and developed those coping mechanisms, those things that you now would do to even guard yourself. That's just nine year old Bree who needed to protect yourself. Oh, that's something that
I've had to do. There's actually there's a photo of younger me in my bag that I carry around as that reminder because I would get so angry at myself.
Of like why do I do this? Why do I push people away?
Why am I? And it's like this is stuff that this kid just was trying to protect herself and that for me is has really helped.
Like it doesn't make it.
Go away, but it gives yourself so much more grace as to the responses and that it makes sense and that everything and that everything that you do, like the response is the thoughts, all of it. It makes sense. It's just how and why it makes sense. But yeah, that was a game changer.
Yeah, you know, I just wanted to say as well, because it's so interesting, like, and I love that you're so open about like I've tried three different types of medication and this one didn't work, and this is how this one made me feel. I think it's so important and I feel like this fits with not just ADHD medication, but you know, antidepressants or like so many things that it can be a real journey to find something that.
Works for you.
And it's so easy to get disheartened when you just want something that just works and that's it, and it's the miracle pill, and but it just isn't like that, and I feel like I didn't cover that as much as what I wanted to in my book where I'm not on medication right now, But that doesn't mean I don't believe it's the best thing for certain people. But I just think it's such a real journey and you just need to be as focused as you can be that if something's not working for you, then you can
try something else. Like we're lucky enough to live in a country where we're able to do that, and especially with like we're talking about before this started, like the new laws that are coming in where the government is going to pay for ADHD medications and like that's amazing and.
Yeah, and that also getting rid of the special authority, the renewal process.
It's huge because that's.
And it's something you were so vocal about.
Yes, and also because I didn't know about it, and I remember, I think it was one of the first things I told you, because it took me off guard when it happened that I went to go pick up.
My script and they were like, sorry, you're panicked.
You literally can't get it, Like you need to go get it renewed again, and I was like, what do you mean and they're like, this is the process every two years and the reason.
Depend on this medication. You can't just do that to people.
Why are we having to prove over two years that we still have ADHD yes, still.
Have this lifelong thing. No one else is doing that.
It's not a for right now diagnose, you know. It's not like oh you got God, but here's a pill gets rid of it.
It's like four five hundred dollars for a psychiatrist console.
And there was no way that I could get into either for this. But like my GP and I did this video and about watching it, yeah, which at the time I was like, oh, and I know, like some people will be like, oh there's always so much drama going on.
It's because I share the stuff that goes on.
It's because you care and you're the voice for so many like you know.
But in that moment, I remember, I was panic. I just pulled my phone out and was like screw it. But yeah, so they finally have done this now where you don't have to.
Get that special authority to get it.
But I do think what you're saying is so important around like what even when I did my story about changing meds, like one thing is going.
To work for me, that's not going to work for other people.
And exactly, not even just with meds, with like talk therapy, I've done, like I've done exposure therapy and.
That could work for you, but not for someone else exactly.
And now I'm doing EMD mark because I definitely prefer they're over exposure therapy.
And yeah, you know, there's so many different things.
And I think when you do give one thing and go and if it doesn't work, you can and get disheartened, and it.
Can be really disheartening.
Like and throughout the years, I've been on an up and down process and like riding the roller coaster, you know, where I'll be like, oh, that didn't work, and I'll put it away for a bit, and then I'll try something else, and then I'll be like, that didn't work.
I actually remember, and we can cut out if you don't want to talk about it, but I remember after you had seen a psychologist or a professional that you were like, this isn't going to work, and then you just didn't see anyone because you were so afraid of something had happened, and which we don't have to go into.
But it's in the book, is it. Yeah, it's not it is, Yeah, it's in the book. Yeah, it'd be hard for you because you'd be like, did.
She tell me that?
I know that's what I'm trying to because I feel like we were walking your dogs across again. For some reason, I'm such a visual we're walking your dogs across a field. We were talking about psychologists and then trying to find and being like, Okay, just because this one person didn't work, doesn't mean exactly one else won't work exactly.
And I truly believe that because I read a thing where someone mentioned that part of the book where I talk about how, you know, I've tried a lot over the years, and I've never felt anything that's truly clicked yet. But I truly believe it's just a process and a journey where you have to find the right person to talk to or the right medication. Like there is stuff
out there that can help everyone. But I just want to make people like hear me when I say that, I truly believe that even though I may have not found the right things right for me, doesn't mean I've stopped trying like I will continue to, like, you know, figure myself out and try this or do that.
You know, that's.
The whole process of life, right is figuring it out.
That's all. That's what we're all trying to do. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, you're right that Yeah.
So he pretty much caused a panic attack in his in what a session I went to. And it was from that day where I was just kind of like, I'm never going to go back to talk to anyone ever again because it was so traumatic for me, which thank god I had you because you talked me around and was like wow. And so I've since moved on from there. I'm like, yeah, of course I want to go talk to someone, you know, because it helps.
Yeah.
It also can be a proactive thing rather than reactive as well, which as why I'm such a big advocate for therapy and like talking to someone. And obviously there's heaps of things around accessibility to that and stuff as well, which we one hundred percent acknowledge. But if you do have the ability to, it's so important to.
When is that going to change?
Oh my gosh, bloody change.
Lucky we've got people like you fighting.
I also think it's important there's so many people that are fighting for it, and I think that well often gets lost in the media narrative, especially here in an altered or in New Zealand, and especially you know around the world as well.
But here we all we hear about constantly is this broken system.
And we can acknowledge, yes, the system is broken, but please don't be discouraged at the thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people that are on the front line that are doing everything they can to change that care. It's not one person trying to save it. It's not like that's not the case. There are so many people.
And your voices are getting louder, which is amazing.
Oh man.
But I'm just like all the counselors and you know, the nerve everyone who's really doing everything that they can.
Teachers like taking the brunt of a lot of this as well.
Yeah, people care, and I think that the message of you know, about how how broken the system is a lot of the time you can it causes so much hopelessness that people don't reach out. But I just want people to know that, you know, people do really care in this so many people.
There's so many people that care.
They like so many, and I feel like it's growing, like you know, and it's it is getting better.
It's just a slow process.
Yeah.
I ask this question to everyone that comes on this podcast, and I want to ask it to you as well.
You are the last interview for.
The season, which I am so frickin honored to be able to have you on. And like I said, I have wanted to have you on for a while, I just never wanted to push you to talk publicly about stuff that at that point you weren't talking publicly about it, and then.
You just went.
It is more than a slow fie.
You should just put it all out it.
You have gone through, literally Helen back in your life. There's been so much that has happened, and you can everyone else can read all about the rest of that in your book. Unapologetically me with the uncrossed out. Please go get this book. It's literally it's I just it's phenomenal. I love it, and it's I mean, I don't want to say I love it, but I love the way that you've managed to articulate the strength that has shown through.
All of that.
Taking all of that in consideration, everything you've written about in this book, everything that you've been through. What does the word hope mean to you?
Wow, that's such a good question. I think what does the word hope mean for me?
I think.
Hope is what everything is centered around. You know, Hope for me is the thing that makes me keep going. It's the thing that gets me up in the morning, that drives, that drives my passion for things. That, yeah, makes everything makes sense because without that, you know, I feel like nothing else matters.
Hope is the driver.
You know that.
Things can always get better, you can always help other people, you can always make your dreams come true.
That's what hope is. It's at the center of everything I love.
That's that's so good.
And I also think, like just looking at you and knowing everything that you've been through and the.
Fact that you've shared the story, you are.
The definition of hope as well, that people can read this and they can see, actually, there's hope for me, Like there's things I've gone through these you know, whatever it may be, the situations may be different, but the feelings can be the same. And Yeah, you are hope as well. And I know that there are going to be so many people that have already been impacted by your book and your story and there's going to be
so many more to come. How can people that are listening to this and maybe if especially if you're not from New Zealand who might not know you?
Yeah? How can they? I don't want to say find.
You because that's talkers done with that, that's becoming illegal in New Zealand.
How can they follow you?
Yeah?
They can follow me on socials at Bree Thomas l with no age.
You get some great hilarious content. Oh my goodness.
I do love to post some funny stuff with my mum. That's so so funny.
I love Mama and I but also even hearing this story as well, I'm like, we must protect Mama die at all costs, at all.
She is just my favorite human in the whole world. Yeah, but yeah, follow me on socials you can. I've recorded an audio book if you're not into reading, like I can't read that well because my concentration just goes. So there's an audiobook. It's on Kindle and yeah, you can
order it online if you're overseas as well. So I just want to say I'm so proud of you, Jazz, the person you are and for doing this podcast and just everything you do to help other people for me, Like I want to add on to my answer, you are hope for so many people you know, and I don't think you really stop to think about that all too often because you're so busy and you're just always on the go and thinking about others.
But you are hope. And I just love you so much, and thank you for your time.
I love you. And now we're going to stop before I start crying again.
I'm a going to hug, so came in a hug for ten minutes.
Well that you have it, guys, thank you so much
for staying and for listening to this episode. And like I've said at the beginning, and I always say, if anything in this episode that's been talked about has brought anything up for you feel like you need to talk to someone, then please remember and know that the bravest thing that you can do right now is to talk to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's from a friend, a family member, or if you don't know who to talk to, then if you live in Altaiola
here you can call or text one seven three seven at any time to talk to a trained counselor, or if you live overseas. Go to dub dubdub dot the Voices of Hope dot org for a list of international helplines. Remember that no matter what it is that you're facing, no matter what it is that you're going through, that in all things, hope is real and change as possible.