¶ Trusting Yourself After Mistakes
It's in those moments of trusting yourself to start a new life , trusting yourself to make a new decision , and teeny , tiny bits of trust . They build you up .
Welcome to Honest Feedback , the podcast where deep truth meets bold transformation . I'm goddess Brittany King , a pleasure priestess and a transformational retreat facilitator who helps women connect to their deepest truths , reclaim their pleasure and awaken their inner power .
And I'm Lissette King , an emotional ninja and transformational coach who helps leaders release baggage , heal unresolved trauma and step into their most aligned , purposeful lives .
We've created this podcast for spirit-led individuals just like you , Seekers of truth personal growth and meaningful connection .
Whether you're navigating life's big questions , craving more joy and fulfillment , or simply looking for honest , relatable conversations , you're in the right place .
Through personal stories , actionable advice and transformative insights . Our ultimate goal is to empower you to create a life that's overflowing with pleasure , purpose and authenticity .
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Welcome back to another week at Honest Feedback Podcast . Feeling good to be here , how you feeling , how you living .
I'm feeling great . It's been a really mild winter yeah , I'm here for that .
We're keeping it , we're keeping it temperate we are keeping it temperate .
Uh-huh , uh-huh , it's been nice it has been nice .
I am feeling very excited because we got a great question in the dms about trusting yourself . How much would you say that you trust yourself ? One to 10 .
Oh , if I'm being completely honest , I would say a nine , a nine , which is fantastic .
Yes , lights beyond what it used to be .
I wish I could say 10 , but you know there's like a little inkling of I think it's sexy , doubt you know it's just like a little bit of like keeping it alive on the inside . How about you ? Where are you at ?
I'm a sexy 10 . I will claim it Sexy 10 . No doubt , not one bit . I'm not saying , there's never , Boo , we don't believe you . Well , you should , Well you should Look at my life . But I feel like it's been a process of growing and learning to trust myself . And now I trust that I'm choosing for myself . And so , before the doubt , there could be a little .
I mean , before the choice , there could be quite a bit of doubt . But once I've made the choice , why are you so sassy ?
eyes . I'm just getting sassy . You're sassy , I'm allowed to be sassy . You're a sassy cat . Go , just getting sassy , you're sassy , I'm allowed to be sassy , you're a sassy cat go on .
Yeah , yeah , I feel like I I'm , I'm in a 10 , you're in a 10 ? Yeah , great , I love that for you .
Thank you great , I'll just rub get your 10 . Well , you know what ? I'm glad that you're holding a 10 for us today , because this color , I think , needs that kind of vibration yes , yes , let's figure out that and if you're claiming a 10 , I'm 100 she's 100 no doubt exists not one molecule of doubt done we're done .
We're done um a teacher who I follow . He says um any doubt is 100 sabotage . Shout out , carl well , thanks we're gonna get into the nuances of this conversation , but first let's talk about our sponsor shot . This episode is brought to you by King Experiences . Yay , that's us , that's us and we would love to invite you to awaken your fire .
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See you there yeah , all right , so tell us about this question .
Okay , you sure you don't want to read this one . No , britney .
Your voice is so silky smooth I just anytime I read a question from them anyway I hear it in your voice Give the people what they want .
Okay .
Okay , show us that acting conservative .
Thank you , babe . Why is it so hard to trust yourself and how can you rebuild that trust ? I've made so many bad decisions in the past Relationships , jobs , money . Now , whenever I make a choice , I second guess myself like crazy . It's like I can't even hear my own voice anymore .
How do you learn to trust yourself again after messing up so many , so many times ? Try again .
Oh well .
Yeah .
I've been there . Yes , I've been there . I resonate with this so deeply . You know I've talked about it before and I'll talk about it again . I lived a very long life as a hot mess ? We do . Yeah , like the decisions , my bad decisions were my favorite decisions for a very long time . You know , this is risky .
I don't I really don't know how I'm sitting here right now , but beside that , I I just absolutely understand that .
¶ Building Self-Trust Through Mistakes and Habits
And you know , what it takes is really reframing yourself Like you've got to make mistakes , like that's the , that's how we learn .
We learn .
There's no failure , it's only feedback . Like every mistake has made me more of who I am today . I've taken them and it's important to get the wisdom from those events , like nothing happened in a vacuum , got to glean the gift from it .
So my invitation for you is to reflect back on what it is all these mistakes you made , so that you can learn from them , adjust and keep going . You know , honestly , I don't trust people that don't make mistakes Like get out of here . Get out of here , you robot .
Yeah , never made a mistake . Well , I have a question for you , like when you're going back to think about the things , how do you get the lessons from it ?
I do a lot of this work like for a living . Yes , and oftentimes , when I understand the indecision , like that decision fatigue of oh my God , I have to make a new decision , I have fucked this up before , what do I do about this ? And for me that is an alert , I'm like , oh , this is a bit of an overreaction .
And whenever there's an overreaction , I'm like , ooh , this is a bit of an overreaction . And whenever there's an overreaction , I'm like , oh , this is baggage , I'm bringing my past into my future , and so that is a moment where I will sit and ask myself what is there to learn from that mistake . Like this thing that you're defining as mistake .
What did you learn , oh man , when I trusted that person and my gut said don't trust that person and I was like we're just gonna , we're just gonna trust them for like . I'm gonna just date them for like six , seven more years yeah , yeah , yeah and then you go down that route .
There's this , there's this understanding of like okay , what was the learning in that ? It's's like man I . There was a part of me that knew yeah .
Don't deny that part . Yeah , that hit something really personal for me , because there is a knowing . There is a knowing and sometimes we don't know that we actually know and what you're speaking about is your intuition . It's like how do I trust myself ? I feel like I've made decisions in the past and like fucking shit didn't work out .
So , like now , I don't know how to trust myself . And so I had a particularly dark-ish moment . I mean , yeah , I'll just describe it as dark Trigger . Warning , I'm not going to mention sexual assault , but on the evening that this began , someone showed up and was at a club and it was like the energy of it felt weird .
The energy felt weird when I first met this person . Like they appeared out of nowhere and like something just felt not quite right and I was just like I'm not going to listen to that , I'm just going to push that aside .
And then , when the series of events unfolded and it did escalate into a sexual assault , I had a lot of judgment and shame at myself of like you had an inkling and you went against yourself and like bad Brittany you know bad Brittany and being self-flagellating and punishing and being like , well , how can I ever trust myself ?
Because I had an inkling and I didn't listen to it and like why am I doing this to myself ? And so my first invitation is to forgive yourself . Forgive yourself of like okay , I didn't know what I didn't know , you know . And now I get the opportunity to build a relationship of trusting myself and listening to that intuition .
It can be hard to hear yourself through all the clutter . I mean like it's like the news is a 24-hour clusterfuck . You know this is happening , that's happening . Who knows what's happening ? Then there's advice from all people in your life who may or may not be where you are .
A lot of times it's projections of like if I was in your situation , this is what I would do . So it can take some intentionality to quiet and let go of all the other voices and trust your inner voice . And I like to think of your inner voice as like that still small voice , like maybe it's quiet in your , maybe it's small , but it's usually grounded .
My experience of it is usually grounded and it's like go this way , do that , and I've noticed what my ego . Or when there's lots of other thoughts , it's just a steady stream of chatter . That's just like . And that's where I feel like I've gotten caught up in the past .
I can absolutely relate . And it is a practice to trust yourself , because there's that part of you that knows and you can say yes to it , and then you can also say no to it . And anytime you say yes to you and it's in the small choices my invitation is build small habits that are absolutely good for you .
You know that they're good for you , like drink water . Drink a certain amount . Today I'm going to drink this amount of water and then just show up for yourself . Honestly , it would not be 75 hard if I did not tell you that I was doing 75 hard right now . It is built into the mechanics . It is like being a vegan .
I must announce that I that I am on 75 hard right now , and the reason I chose to do this is because there was an area of my life I wasn't trusting myself , and that area of my life was in my physical health . Like my spiritual game , I show up to meditation . My mental game I am a learner every single day . My relationship game how can I love her ?
How can I love me ? I'm good on those . And then , when it came to my physical game , I just had all these identities around . I'm not on those . And then , when it came to my physical game .
I just had all these identities around .
I'm not really a runner . My favorite joke was I only run from the cops . Oh my God . And this identity I had made about I'm not that kind of person was essentially at 43 years old . It was catching up to me . And I realized I'm like , oh , I'm putting on a little weight here and all these things .
three years old it was catching up to me and I realized I'm like , oh , I'm putting a little way here and all these things , and what I decided was I'm going to do something that is so commitment focused . I want to see what comes out .
I just want to meet the person that comes out of the other side and I'm like the person I'm becoming is someone who's able to trust herself 100% . And so I've been on this journey , at this point , 33 days , and it is every morning when the alarm goes off I'm like who am I ? I'm Dr King .
Dr King meets her commitments and I get out of bed and I weigh myself and I take my photo and I work out and I do all the things that make me trust myself in this area , and I don't recommend this to anyone . I think it's . I don't know why I'm doing it .
I have to keep reminding myself and I don't recommend it to anyone else and , at the same time , what it's building in my character and my self-trust is really powerful . So my invitation to you is pick a thing that you know is healthy . Let it be water , let it be . I'm going to read 10 pages a day of nonfiction , something that's going to build me up .
I'm going to show up to run walk . There's so many great books for that Like Atomic Habits is fantastic . Whatever it is , just show yourself that you can show up for you . And that's how we build the trust brick by brick .
I love that . You brought up atomic habits and everything that you were saying about the identity . So right now , from what you're saying , it's you're identifying as a person who doesn't trust yourself . What if you allowed yourself to step into the identity of I am someone who trusts myself and start to see how that manifests ?
You know , connecting to your intuition . What if you decided to learn for yourself what does a yes feel like for me , somatically in my body , and how do I this is what I'm talking about Like when we were like , how can you be a 10 at the trust I have been putting in the reps of understanding what's a yes for me and what's a no for me ?
I remember last year when you climbed Mount St Helens and she was like , oh my gosh , it's going to be this beautiful experience and I'm really excited . Would you want to join that with me ? And I was just like there's a lot of great things for reasons to do it .
And I checked in with myself and my body and I got to it's a no for me for my own reasons and I got to trust that and I was fine with my decision . In the past , I have made decisions based on well , I love this person and this would be good for me and dah , dah , dah , dah dah and all these other reasons .
And then been in the experience , fucking miserable , upset , blaming , and it's like all she did was invite me to something . You know what I mean . All she did was invite me to something . So , if you allowed yourself to start to identify of , I am someone who trusts myself . How does that manifest ? How am I building that trust with my word ?
By installing little habits where I can show up for myself and get those reps of I trust myself to do what I said I was going to do , to honor my commitments . I would say one of the do what I said I was going to do to you know , honor my commitment .
I would say one of the areas where I had broken my trust with myself for a very long time was drinking . Like I was able to get away from , like I'd be like I don't want to drink , I don't want to drink , and then I wouldn't drink for like a day or two , and then I would drink .
And it was like this constant battle with alcohol of like I don't want to drink , oh , but I'm around my family and I don't want to drink . but oh , it's the weekend and I remember one time we got sober for a while and then we're like it's our wedding , and then we're like only while we're on our honeymoon that we took a six month honeymoon .
And it was just like those things chip away at your self-trust ?
Yes , like those things chip away at your self-trust , yes . And so the chipping away , sometimes we just have to build it back up . Yeah , little by little by little . You know I'm in a place now I can say that I'm a nine leaning into a 10 , because there was one time I heard my soul , my spirit , say you need to quit drinking .
And it's like when you quit , I will give you the keys to the kingdom . And I was like I don't know what that means , but it sounds good . And I decided in that moment I would stop . I didn't make up any identities around it .
I didn't .
I was just like I'm gonna see where this takes me , and it has felt so good . Yeah , I know you followed that same thing .
Again , we're not saying that this is for everyone , it's just like these are the moments that I go .
Man , I can trust myself because I heard a voice that was higher and I followed it .
Yeah , and I want to invite you to bring compassion to yourself and to this whole experience . When you're reflecting on your past , when you're reflecting on the quote , unquote , mistakes , the lessons in disguise , you know it's easy to fall into like judgment or like they're doing . Look at them , trusting themselves .
They're doing it like I shouldn't do it , you know . And I would love to invite you to bring into a space of compassion , because we don't know what we don't know . There's just no way to know what you don't know .
So if you allow yourself to have compassion for yourself , to allow yourself to have some grace , we get to see things in a new light , we get new perspectives . Maybe we start to hear these voices , the higher voice , your inner voice , even clearer , because you cannot hate yourself into change . You can love yourself into your next evolution .
Yeah , you know TikTok .
Oh TikTok .
I'm hoping by the time this comes out it's still here , but we shall see . We shall see . I guess my one other point that I wanted to make is something that you said earlier is like what if there aren't any bad decisions ? Yes , what if there aren't any bad decisions ?
And I love that because it it plays into my map of the world and you can borrow my faith , you can borrow my belief , borrow this model . But like what if the universe is always working out for you , as Gabby Bernstein says ? What if the universe has your back out for you ? As gabby bernstein says , what if the universe has your back ?
What if you can't fuck it up ? What if you can't get it wrong ? What if you actually can't make a mistake because everything is supporting you on your path for being who you want to be and doing what you want to do and going where you want to go ? Yes , like what if you can't fuck it up ? Amanda , francis , you know .
¶ Embracing Mistakes as Opportunities for Growth
So I think about if we can start to allow ourselves to build this trust with the universe . It's like it's not just an inner trust , it's also an outer trust that something bigger than me has my fucking back , yes , and what once looked like a mistake ?
or a heartbreak was actually for you .
Yes , I mean like I could have self-flagellated myself of , like you didn't listen to your intuition . Now you got sexually assaulted , but that experience led me to a mentor who changed my life by bringing me to a pull-in studio where I met my wife and discovered my gifts as a witch .
I could judge it as these mistakes , but everything was a part of my path to be the woman who's sitting in front of you today saying I'm at a 10 . And just so we're clear , it's not a 10 every day . I was just saying in this moment , like we all have moments of choice and decision .
I have gotten the reps of deciding that it's not what I choose , it's that I chose , and that's where the power lies . I chose and that's that I chose .
And that's where the power lies . I chose and that's it . Yeah , what if you just went behind every choice you made , yes , and just be like ? This is the choice I made , this is what I'm going for and I'm going all in on it . Yes , it feels , if anything , it feels good , and it's not that you're not allowed to change your mind .
You can go down a path and realize it's not for you , which , again , let's rebrand those mistakes into learnings , like everything you have been through has been for you . I've made so many .
You talk about money , love , romance , like terrible debt , heartbroken , like I was talking to someone recently and I was like I was technically homeless because I was going to move out to Israel to be with my ex , and then I was like when that broke up and I was devastated .
That was 10 years ago you know and like all of those mistakes , all those learnings led me here , to you , to the work that I do . Because I've made all these mistakes , I can go whatever about your mistakes Not , you know , not being insensitive but like you can , you can rise above it . In fact , I insist .
Everything is an opportunity to grow and to learn . So , like Lisette said at the very beginning , are you getting the lessons ? When we allow ourselves to get the lessons , when we allow ourselves to get the lessons , we stop making the same choices . We make different choices .
You know , and I'm honoring you and celebrating you for bringing this into the space , for sharing vulnerably about what you're going through and allowing us to be a light on the path and talk about our own experiences . But , like , been there , made , made the mistakes , done that relationship money .
I was working four jobs and had zero dollars , did not know how to budget , did not know how to money worked . That wasn't something that was taught to me .
That wasn't something that was taught to me and what was modeled around me was just very different and I was just like oh , you just gotta keep spending on your credit cards , that's how you get a good credit score . Like it was just like oh , you just got to keep spending on your credit cards , that's how you get a good credit score .
Like it was just misinformation .
It's just some misinformation . Or you know the other scam I was told , like you , just work for someone else for like 40 years and they're going to be great .
You get a cake and like a watch .
Yeah , maybe a watch and the truth was that was a beautiful mistake because I was crawling out of my skin working for other people , and it's scary to make that choice for yourself . It's scary to go . Oh , I'm going to do this thing that no one's ever done before .
¶ Fostering Self-Trust Through Small Choices
And it's in those moments of trusting yourself to start a new life , trusting yourself to make a new decision , and teeny , tiny bits of trust they build you up ?
Yes , starts in those small moments . Who you are with yourself in the small moments is the difference that makes a difference . So continue on this path , continue making those small choices and then the bigger ones get even easier . Because who you've been behind the closed doors when no one else is watching , that is what defines your character .
Yeah , that face was so good .
I felt it . I felt it .
Oh , this has been good . Oh , this was a juicy topic and thank you so much for being here with us . Thank you for sending us that question . If you have a question , give us a call at 971-895-4111 or slide into our DMs at honestfeedbackpodcast . Hit like share , follow .
And until we meet again , be honest with each other .