Finding Your Style | Hour 3

after week, year after year. And if you're thinking that's all great, but what we really need is Dean and Tina in our house looking at the problem, you can do that too. You can book an in home design consult with Me and the t Just go to house Whisperer dot design for more information. All right, welcome to the program. Welcome to the third hour of our little program. We are talking about finding your style, one of the

most difficult topics that I could possibly cover with you. Honestly, all the technical stuff about concrete foundations and studs and windows and doors and roofs and tiles, all the stuff that goes into building your house. This is that's easy peasy stuff. We could talk about architectural styles all day long. You know, motifs easy easy, no problem interior styles, no problem finding your style? Oh that is something that I need your help with, and you you might need my

help as well as a designer. But the point is this is a collaboration in which you have to be willing to tackle the biggest obstacle in the way, and that is do you have a style? Have you defined it? You have a sense of what it is that is your style? And I don't mean by raising any of these questions, by the way, to imply that you that everybody listening needs to be walking around with you know, a full answer to the question of what is your style?

You know, I'm a great example of this of what I'm saying in that I am a highly highly eclectic designer and a highly eclectic person. I have a great appreciation for all sorts of stylings. I don't have a formulaic look that a lot of designers or architects have.

In other words, I like to do this when they you know, if I have a reputation for a particular kind of structure, a particular kind of creation, it is my reputation that I get under your skin and get into your brain and figure out what's going to work best for you, and then we bring that to life, and so I get it. I get how difficult it is and how complex it can be. I don't mean to be oversimplifying it, just because in some facets I'm trying to simplify it for you so you can at

least start to get your arms around it. So I hope that comes through today. I am not trying to oversimplify the question of style. I live in a home that was pre made before we got here and that we've done an extensive amount of remodeling to, but we haven't radically changed the exterior of the home that much. We've changed the interior quite a bit. Our own style, the one that Tina and I kind of gravitate toward,

is a hybrid of a lot of different things. We really enjoy contemporary lines, but we have, by no shape or form, a contemporary interior to our home. If anything, we have an early twentieth century of both American and European and maybe a little French thrown in their stylings with our home. And then there are a few odd pieces thrown in here and there that keep it just healthy and eclectic. But in terms of style, and I'm just kind of again just sharing our own vibe with you.

You know, we've got those general style parameters early American cabinetry or early twentieth century American cabinetry in our kitchen and on our island. We have an open island underneath, so that it looks more like an older kitchen without everything enclosed and hidden away. We've got mixing bowls and serving platters visible underneath our island. It just gives it that old world vibe. Stone fireplace in the family room and kind of a French looking cabinet that is mounted

on the wall. Looks like a cupboard could be, you know, a collectible cupboard, could be a t service cupboard. Actually what's inside it is our flat screen TV, so that we don't have to be staring at the black mirror twenty four to seven when it's time to just sit in there and have conversation with other people and TV

is not the thing. And yet when you open up that cabinet and it's movie night, then hidden in that room is essentially, you know, a a seven point one Dolby atmost surround system that kind of kicks butt in terms of performance for that whole experience. So it's a flex space, but it definitely has kind of, I hope, an old world charmed to it, a very simple cottage charm. No, nothing jaw droppingly impressive about our home, because it's it's a humble home. It's not a big home. It's anyways.

You like it, you like it?

there's birds everywhere. This I think is approaching kind of our style. It is not utterly consistent everywhere. It is not utterly consistent everywhere, and we change it up a little bit, and you know what, that's a reflection of Tina and I. We are not utterly consistent everywhere we like to say I like to say especially you know, I don't deal in hypocrisy. It's very very important that I that I for me personally, that I say what

I mean, and I mean what I say. But I also, in an attempt at being as humble as possible, I reserve the right to disagree with my former self whenever it suits me. So I'm not utterly consistent with everything, and you don't have to be either, okay, Because if you are not in and of yourself utterly consistent in everything in your life, your style is that. Okay. So that's the general parameters and the outlines for what we're talking about when we address this subject of finding your style.

There's one tricky question left and then and then I've got some other tips for you along the way. But one tricky question that I find a lot of people are concerned, and that is what if my style conflicts with my neighbor's style. Now, I'm assuming what we're talking about is the outside of the house here, So let's have that conversation. We'll do it, But first.

of today. And it's only a chunk that we can take out of it because it's it's a deep, extensive subject because it has to do with you, and you're deep and complicated, and so what I'm trying to do is not oversimplify it, but simplify it enough so that you can start to get your arms around it, because I don't want you to be intimidated by the idea of like, oh, I've got to find my style. What is my style? I don't have a style. I'm not

one of those people who have style. Well, as we said at the top of the show, and if you weren't here with us, I'm going to repeat this because it's very valuable. The word style really really comes down to becoming a synonym for those things which we habitually repeat those things we do again and again, the things that we keep returning to again and again and again.

When we say somebody has a certain style, it means that we've noticed that there's a flow, a rhythm to them, a rhythm that repeats itself, something that we can count on seeing that we can behaviors or a manner of speech. You know, those of you who are fans of KFI. Right, if I was to ask you, you know, what is Tim Conway's style, you know, and you'd be like, well, you know, apart from his style of beach, which is like dangjong with that guy, right, Uh, that's his style.

That's one of his you know, it's his catchphrase. It's just kind of the way he moves around, his you know, comedic way of doing things. Uh. And then also you know he has an obsession with high speed chases on the freeway. There are just a lot of things that Tim does that is a very very much Tim And so we find somebody's style simply when they repeat the same kind of maneuvers. And so, for you, how does this apply to you? Your style is not about oh

you're you're on the front page of a fashion magazine. No, it's not that at all. It's about the questioning the you know what, what is it about me that keeps returning to this thing or to that thing that I love about this or I love about that? And then it's a real question of how can we express that better in your home? How can we be bold enough to say, you know what, this is my life, this is my house. Why not let it fly a little bit more? Why not let myself out of the closet,

as it were, and just be more fully me? And if you can't be fully you at home, where exactly are you going to be fully you? I mean, honestly behind your closed door at home? I want that place to be full of you. I want you to be full of you. And so the style search continues right now, right before the break, I asked maybe the last tough question of the day, which was, what if my style

conflicts with my neighbors? Now by that, I'm assuming that what you're talking about specifically is the exterior style of a home, when we're saying it conflicts with the neighbors, and Ah, I gotta be honest with you on this one. I'm torn, of course. I want you to be free, free to do whatever you want and to express yourself

however you want. But honestly understand, I never want to be that architectural designer who the neighbors scowl at as I drive down the street from your house and they point at me and say you, you're the one that allowed them to build that thing in our neighborhood. I get that, and I'm really sensitive to that because here's the thing. Neighborhoods have a style as well. Neighborhoods have a flow. And do I want you to have a

contemporary home? Yes? Should we do that concrete and glass thing right in the middle of of this neighborhood full of single story California ranch houses. I'm really torn because what I really want to say is no, we probably shouldn't now now, given that, given that our coller earlier was a gym earlier, today, who I encourage? Hey, the inside of your place can be whatever it wants to be, Okay, it does not have to match the outside of the

house whatsoever. I'll also go as far as to say that the backside and the rear facing side of your home can be anything you want it to be. Now, take me seriously when I say this. I'll give you a perfect example. I had a project where had a client loved Victorian homes, but love them from the outside,

not from the inside Victorian homes. Once you get inside all that gingerbread, you realize the windows aren't very big, the rooms tend to be dark, they can be really boxy, they can be really small, and they can feel very at times claustrophobic, depending on the style of Victorian home that it is. So here's a client who wants to, you know, find a way through this, right, Here's a client with a hybrid eclectic style. And so what did

we do? What we ended up approaching the problem from the perspective of what do we see upfront and what do we experience in the back. Okay, it was somebody's said, that's like a mullet right, party up front or business up front party in the back, right, And so this was a mullet house. And it works like this. It works from the perspective of how you experience a home. You experience the front of a home from the street

as you approach it, right, so that's its face. Once you're inside the home, you experience the rear yard and the rear of the property through the windows of the home. Okay, Now, of course, if you walk out in the back and you look back, then you're seeing the style of the house there. But primarily, once you're inside, you experienced the rear of the house through its windows and through its

portals and those apertures. So the point was this What we did is we tastefully opened up the whole backside of this Victorian home. We did not change it from Victorian styling, but we increase the size of windows and door openings to the absolute maximum that we could, so that the front of the home maintained this absolute no question eighteen eighties Victorian queen Anne Gingerbread, look, no question

whatsoever as you walk in. The thing that I was proudest of is that people didn't really comment on that the house had lost its because as they walk in and they're experiencing the inside of the home, they're stretching out and experience these beautiful English gardens in the backyard, but they don't realize they're looking at them through really really non Victorian oversized windows and glass doors and such in a way that would not have been traditionally eighteen

eighties Victorian. So we transformed the hybridized style of this home so that it had all the light and the airiness and the openness and the beauty, and what they saw through that glass was beautiful English gardens. And so the magic of that Victorian vibe didn't let up, even though technically we were projecting that magic into the house through non Victorian windows and doors. Understand, there's a creative

way to approach it all. And also we did not change the character of the house and mess up the flow of the neighborhood. So my encouragement to the question, what if my style, my exterior style, conflicts with my neighbors, I would tell you, and other designers would tell you different. Okay, other designers would say, what the hell do whatever the hell you want to do, And I would tell you,

don't be that person on your block. Let's find a way if there is a way to give you that radically different vibe without you know, offending the rest of the neighbors on the street, if it's possible. Maybe it's not. I'm just saying that's the way I tend to go. It's not that I'm a people pleaser. I just I like neighborhoods that have a flow to them. And I don't want to be the one designer who built the house that everybody's like, oh yeah, yeah, you see that thing? Yeah,

why did they build that here? And I don't want you to be that person either. I would encourage you not to be. All right, So there you go. That's my view on hybridizing that design. Now, right after the break here, let's take a look at some of the very very step by step practical things you can do to begin discovering what it is that you like and what it is that you want, whether it's Pinterest boards or things like that. But I want to give you some instructions of how to do that so that you

really get to the why underneath the what. Okay, because there is a why there, it's actually the most important question. We will do all of that right after.

than just how to fix leaky toilets. We get into the nitty gritty of transforming your home into something truly essentially you, and to tackle that today, we've had this discussion and ongoing discussion that we're still having about you finding your style. Okay, a couple more pieces of just general advice about this. I want to break it down. I wanted you know, I've been telling you all morning

how important it is. And the reason that finding your style is important is because it allows the house that you live in to reflect back to you your values, your priorities, and it just becomes something that reinforces who you are, Okay, and so as a result of that, of course, styling and design is important for this reason.

And like Winston Churchhill said, we shape our buildings and thereafter they shape us, and they do they have these incremental effects upon us as we live in spaces, and somebody like me, who's an architectural designer, I take those things very very seriously. Now, in contrast to that, I don't want you to get all bent out of shape and overblown on this subject. Here's a Now, guys, you remember Fight Club. Remember that movie Fight Club with Ed Norton. It was a really cool film back in the I

don't know, nineties, was it a nineties film? Nineties? Fight Club was a cool film with Ed Norton and Brad Pitt in it. We found out in the end that both of them were the same guy. Oh, I'm sorry you've never seen fight Now. I've spoiled it for it. Hey, the movie's been out for like thirty years. Okay, so

I'm not really worried about the spoiler. But there is a point where Ed Norton's character is kind of mocking the whole cultural I got to look like everybody else flow and he he is actually mocking Ikea, the Ikea catalog. And he asked this question in sort of his you know, well, he asked this question. He said, what coffee table defines me as a person? And I love that quote, okay, And his point is that that that's kind of what society is forcing upon us, what coffee table defines me

as a person. He's using it as kind of a as a vibe of the silliness of materialism. My answer is different. My answer to that question is, no coffee table defines you as a person. Okay, you just don't need to take the idea of design that far. Just here's the thing. Of course, there is not a coffee table that defines you as a person. But we're just looking to make a good choice that resonates with you in this setting, here and now. It doesn't have to be once and for all. Oh I have found it.

I have found the table that will forever reflect who I am as a person. No, no, no, no, We're just looking to make a good choice, something that resonates with you, something that resonates with your style in this setting, here and now. Right. Like I was telling you before, TEENA and I, we live in a home whose interiors are various forms of like twentieth century design. Was that intentional? Yes, it was an intentional decision. Why Because we love that

stuff and it's a thoughtful home. We've tried to be mindful about all of our choices. As a result, I think our home kind of tells our story. But does it tell our whole story? Of course not. Does the fact that we've chosen these expressions for this house in this neighborhood mean that we couldn't live in another style of home somewhere else, Not at all. We love so many different styles. All it means is that this home tells as much of our story as it possibly can.

And that's really kind of it. And so we can take the pressure off this whole idea of like, oh if I don't find my style, I'm gonna live an unfulfilled life. No. No coffee table defines you as a person, all right, So now how do we start picking through this bit by bit bit by bit Again? As I said, style is really about routine and about repetition. You know, I said that, you know, somebody's got a groove, right

their groove. That means that they do something so often that it's made a groove in the floor, It's made a groove in the ground. They've got their groove. It's their way, repetition and routine. So start taking a look at that in your life. What are the things you keep coming back to? Start writing them down? Write down. They don't have to be architectural things. I just want you to write down things that you keep coming back to. I love to cook. Aha, there's a clue. You know,

those things, those kinds of things. Right, I love being outside more than I like being inside. All right. I find myself sitting in this way, on this kind of situation more than I do anything. Okay, start writing those things down. Another thing is look to your wardrobe and you're like, okay, now you've crossed the line, deam, because my wardrobe is a disaster of non style. Okay, no, no, no, this is the thing. Take a good hard look at your favorite clothing items or the clothes that you wish

that you own. That's fine too. Pay attention colors, textures, attitude. Are you sport? Is it more elegant, is it more conservative? Is it more modern? Is it playful? Is it beauty? Is it relaxed? Is it flirty? Okay, whatever, whatever. Just start paying attention to how you tend to roll in clothes, and it starts to give you just another clue. It's just a clue. Doesn't have to be the answer. It's just a clue.

smaller patterns things like that. And she's like, you know, every time I'm in a store and I think, oh, let's try this blouse and it's got this kind of vibe to it, I always stare in the mirror and I'm like, nope, no, and I just keep returning to solid colors and things like that. And she's like, and then after you and I talked, I noticed I don't have any floral print pillows in my house or floral print comforters. I tend to move towards solid colors and

different shades of solid colors. And I'm like, wow, you see that is somebody who's just like becoming aware of something about herself and how it translates out into the physical world. So look to your wardrobe, look to the exterior of homes. If exterior style is one of the things that you're trying to figure out when you drive around your city or your town, what house catches your eye, what inspires you take a picture? Right, don't make a big deal out of so somebody calls the cops, All right,

but to take a picture. And here is the thing. With all of these images that you're starting to collect, I want you to get underneath the what of them? Okay, take a picture of anything or everything that pleases you, that thrills you, that stimulates you. Whether it's the outside of a house, whether it's a garden, whether it's a piece of furniture, whether it's a magazine picture that you found or something online on a website. Hold on to it, collect it, tuck it away. You don't have to, you know,

drill a well right then and there. Just tuck it away and then go back to it later. But ask this question, not just the what about this picture has got you stirred up for some reason? But and don't try to nail down oh ooh, I think it's because it's colonial style. No no, no, no. Just take a look at what is got you going, and then ask the question, the harder question, why why do you like that? Why do you like that kitchen image that you saw? Tell me what is about it? This is an exercise

we do with our clients all the time. They'll come back and they'll have done their homework. They'll hand me twenty kitchens images, you know, because we're trying to figure that out. They'll hand me twenty kitchen images and they'll be frust because they'll be like, I think I failed the assignment. I'm like, why you just gave me twenty pictures? Well, because they're all really different, really different. I'm like, well,

all right, well let's see. And we start going through them, and I start to ask the question, why why this image here? And I take notes and we get about halfway through and I'm like, these aren't all different, They're all the same. Jane, what, yeah, do you realize you have keep gravitating regardless of the look of the cabinets or the countertops or the colors, you keep gravitating towards this roomy area here and bright light coming through over a breakfast table. And she's like, oh my gosh, I

didn't even realize that that pattern kept repeating itself. And ahha, and so now yet another clue as to her style. All right, I got a few more for you. We'll do it right after.

creative intentionality made manifest in the world. Okay. Design is the thing that will radically change the house, not the budget or the remodel, not the amount of the quality of the materials, or I should say, the priciness of the materials. Once we've figured out your style and we have matched a design to it, then we're ninety percent of the way there. And honestly, you can now build that project out of paper or platinum and it won't alter its overall effect that much. And I mean that

in all seriousness. We are involved in a state level projects and in very simple, very basic, very you know, cozy, humble, wonderful, mainstream home, middle class projects. And the fact of the matter is whether we're in a shed and I say this in the show, it doesn't matter if it's a condo or a cottage, or a castle. The fact of the matter is that design matters most across the board, and part of that design is rooted and anchored in

finding your style, discovering what your style is. And I hope that I've given you some more tools today to figure that out, and that you understand the importance of and don't overemphasize and freak out about the over importance of finding your style. It's just something that we want to zero in on the best we can so that we make a home reflect you as much as possible, because, like I said earlier in the show, if you can't be you fully you at home, where is that going

to happen? Where else is that going to happen? Right? So that's what we want. Now. Don't forsake the idea that once you start to zero in on this, you may need help. You may need to get a designer involved, because what we designers do is the good ones. At least I would like to think, is we help you translate those style thoughts into practical, functional, creative expressions. You know, earlier in the show, I said, one of the big questions that I get is that what you know, what

if my style scares me? I mean, what if it frightens me that if I fully express myself it'll be something like, yeah, you know, here's an example. I give you a quick example. What if Dean I find out or what if I already secretly know I love things that are black? Black. I just love black. I just everything that I come. I love the way that light reflects off of a matte black surface. I love the way things are black, the way that they draw your attention in and and so what if that's one of

my style choices? I'm like, Okay, what if they're like, well, I don't want to. I mean, what would happen if I painted the entire inside of my house black and everybody thinks I'm a vampire or I'm a goth and I'm not. Uh, And I'm like, all right, all right, pump the brakes here, pump the breaks here a little bit. Don't be afraid of expressing your style. But maybe you need a little assistance along the way. Well what assistance

could you give me? Like, well, do you happen to know what the very very best, most potent background is or objects that are black? What is that? Walls and surfaces that are light and bright and white, because it is contrast that actually draws your attention to that bold, black, beautiful object. I want you to picture a grand piano that is painted in multiple layers of lacquer black. Yes, you know exactly what I'm talking about, that big black

brand piano. Now put that grand piano on a black backdrop on a black stage in a black room, and try to imagine its impact. Now take it out of that room. Put it in a white room with a white floor and white walls and bright light all around it. Aha, you see what I'm saying. In that white space, your eye is just drawn to it and its beauty pops

and so you see, you're in love with black. But maybe the designer helps you understand that the best way to display that love is actually not having to commit to, you know, living in a cave of darkness, but actually bright, beautiful, high contrasting styles around it so that it becomes the focal point of every view. That's just one simple example. There are a gabillion more. So that is why, my friend, I want you to go on this journey. I want

you to look at stuff. I want you to collect those things that you love the look of, and then you ask the question why you get underneath it?

we're you know, we're always just scratching the surface. But I hope it gives you some some some alignment. Uh. I'm gonna leave you with this quick thought today. And it's so long that encouragement, that same encouragement. I just want looking for some quotes, some thoughts about style and about you, and just ways to encourage you. And I'm simply going to leave you with a couple of thoughts. How about this one. You were born and original, don't

die a copy. Okay. Your authenticity speaks louder than words. And that's what I want for you, and that's what I want you to experience at home. Okay, the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are, right, and you owe it to yourself to live your life as authentically as you can. Because here's another one. Life's too short to be anyone but yourself, right, And that's really it. The authentic self is a soul made visible and realness

and authenticity gives life its magic. And that's it. That's it. It's a very very simple thought. And I just want to encourage you. Don't be afraid of who you are. Embrace who you are. Look at who you are with all of your imperfections and all of your uniqueness, find your style, and live your life off thuthentically. In the end, for me, it all comes down to a rule that I wrote for myself years ago, and I won't give you all the background on it. It simply comes down

to this. For me to live my style out loud and for me to live authentically comes down to this one principle that everything meaningful in my life has to survive honesty. If I want something to be meaningful a relationship with Tina, I have to be honest with her about who I am, about what I want, about who she is. And about what she I can't pretend that

something is there that isn't, or vice versa. Everything meaningful in your life has to learn to survive honesty, and that is encouragement enough to get out there and find your style, and once you do, get busy building yourself a beautiful life. Everybody, have a fantastic Sunday afternoon, and we will see you right back here next weekend. This

has been Home with Dean Sharp, the House Whisper. Tune into the live broadcast on KFI AM six forty every Saturday morning from six to eight Pacific time and every Sunday morning from nine to noon Pacific time, or anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app