This is a Headgum podcast. You guys know how much we love water on this show. We talk about it literally every single episode and about the water that we have been trying to make ourselves. We basically have been making it. We've been making it. We've been trying to perfect it. Is that presently drinkable? Yes. I'm really excited about basically in a quite higher situation where we have a partnership now with Fiji Water.
It's going to get a so much closer. Premium imported bottled water brand in the US. They basically come to this is the water that we were trying to first imitate and then top in success. So funny. We were coming for them and they must have felt us breathing down their neck and just said like, you know what? Let's work together. We're more powerful as a team than as combatants. I agree actually because their water is drinkable. It has 7.7
pH perfectly balanced. Yes. Our ours is a 700.700 pH. Yeah. So we were a bit higher and then unlike the other two premium bottled water brands whose names I will not mention the two top ones. But you think you probably know who I mean. And one of them is us and their electrolytes are 100% naturally occurring. Our's were 100% naturally. Super natural. Bars were summoned inside of a pentagram. Basically, these ones are from the earth.
They have more than double the electrolytes of the other top two top premium water bottle brands giving it the signature soft, smooth taste. It's like velvet. And we are being allowed to continue developing. No, there's not a non-competer anything. It's not PG 13. And we've explained this obviously. Yeah. But like, it's not it doesn't have that kind of edge. But it's not G either. Yeah, I mean. Yeah. It's a little bit. It's kids can have
it, but you should be around them when they do. Yes. Fiji water is bottled at the source and untouched by man until you unscrew the cap. Their bottles are made from 100% recycled plastic. And they continue to lead the top premium bottle water competition on launching 100% recycled plastic bottles, earth's finest water. And I have a tagline for them that you probably haven't heard and that they haven't heard. And it is feed me Fiji. Thanks Fiji. Okay. So you see every scene now. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Yeah. So I well talk about it. But what do you want to do? I mean like I've seen it. Yeah. Kevin's been sending me. This is how I've seen industry. How would I see that? Kevin's screen reports clips. So you have Kevin. So industry industry. Well, screen recording like he'll use his phone and he'll like record the screen of what he's watching. And he'll just and he'll just and he'll say what the show is. And so I'll
just get a clip of him recording his TV. Sometimes he's accidentally recording his own face. Well, from his reaction, I know what I wanted to bring up because sometimes he's actually recording his own face. And sometimes he'll be recording the screen. And it's often something where like they're just kind of finishing up. I have a pretty good idea of what was going on. It's actually pretty like legit. This is actually just getting
it done for me. It's a little lascivious. But then he'll turn his camera around to do. I think he's trying to like show his face and do like some funny shit. Yeah. Like Polis Caller or something. But he can't see when he turns it around. He can't see it. So he's not he's missing his face a lot of the time. Yeah. He's pointing just over his shoulder and you see like a hand coming. You go. I guess he's hooking his collar. But I can see
out though. Often I can see at the window. I can see that his dad is like peeking coming to check on him. You look at your dad. No, his dad comes to check. His dad has to come check on him. His dad was actually a grateful to see somebody. And he got a fucking keep an eye on him because I'm like, then I don't have to go over there or anything like that's nice. These clips are like I did. I didn't even know what school I went to. Some
of them are intense. You went to school. That's so corny. I went to the fucking university about Iowa. Yeah. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. I thought you were going to say like a different school. That's actually what school are you going to think I was going to say? I will say it. What school did you think I was going to say? It's giving Dartmouth. I didn't. I don't know. It's giving Dartmouth. It's giving me. I'm sure I
mean it's giving Dr. Seuss. Whoa. That's like the New York government. You were understanding I am the dumbest person in America. This is the thing I mean. This is Chicago guy. And this is my whole thing. I'm the first person my family go to school. It was so hard. I'm the first one not to. Yeah. So you're dumb because you chose to be. I was born into it. You like your whole thing is like fucking Chicago dirt dog. And so when I'm watching
the bear this is my shit about the bear. Yeah. I just want to get that this out and then we don't have to talk about it. Sure. Yeah. Whatever Gregory Allen White's not he's from fucking New York. Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy. Yeah. Yeah. He's from New York. Hey, respect my cast mate, buddy. And like what ever we can cut this if you want. I don't keep it. Keep it. Keep it. Keep it. We talk about whatever you're comfortable talking
about. And I understand that this is like everyone's favorite shit now. But like I'm comfortable talking about anything. Ios from Massachusetts. Ios from Massachusetts. Evan Mass hole. He's from Canada. But he pretends like he's from New York. We got to I thought he was from Massachusetts. No, I could be wrong though. But with the first time. But this is the thing he doesn't want anybody. No, he's telling him Canada. Right. He's telling
you. Well, there was no way. You know where you told me he was from where I went universe shut the fuck up. No, they serious. Yeah. This is why when you first set out. But this whole thing is your shit. It's your fucking name. That's yeah, they got name is Carmen. But it is funny because they when I read the pilot, I was like Chicago cool Italian beef. That's my favorite food. The guy's name is Carmen. Is this about me? Yeah. It was like
wait, I can't cook. And the other guy's name is Christopher. The guy who wrote it. Christopher store. Yeah. I love store. I love store of everyone's name and whole fucking life history to use for his own purposes. So can you feel my question is can you feel that fakeness when you're like making the show or are you also just so excited to be a part of it? Then what I call him? Because it's for making up a store.
Christopher making up a store. He's making up a store. He's making up a store and it's not true. I'll say that like got the whole store teller. He's a store teller and that's fine. But yeah. Well, I mean like look at like sopranos. It's like those guys aren't all from New Jersey. They're actors. Like you don't have to get people from Chicago. They used to say that they could feel the fakeness of it when they were doing it. So pandas
would say that. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I love. They would be on set feeling like this is feeling very fake to me. Like yeah. The phoniness is like and but when you but when you sometimes you get so excited just to like be doing a fun and funny show that like you don't give a shit. I can you feel how fake it is when you're doing it? No. No. No. Okay. No. It feels 1000% authentic. It feels like a. It's not coming across to me. But that's actually good.
That's not mine. You know, that's not mine. I will say this. I will say this. You seem checked out. I seem checked out in the show right now. Just across the board. Don't make me pick. This is a crazy podcast, dude. What the fuck is happening? You guys want me to talk shit about this show that's. I don't give a fuck what you talk about. We'll put in whatever you want to put in. We'll cut whatever you want. This is a free flowing.
We're not cutting anything. We're not cutting anything. There's nothing to be ashamed. Like look, your show is called Carmen Christopher live from the Wendy City. My new special Chicago fucking dirt dog. Yeah. Chicago. Did you guys watch the special style? Just lying on the special. You know what? I'm saving it. It's on Veebs. It's gonna get me to fucking five. Now you're gonna get me to know where I'm gonna say that. Fine. I'm trying to
Veebs. And I swore it was the only one. I said, well, they'll never get me on Veebs. You know what I'm gonna say? But I get Veebs on HBO to sell you guys on it. Whatever you want. Do you guys like comedy? I'm starting. I'm trying to find some mainly in industry. Then watch some of these fucking specials. I've been working on this shit for three years
and it just works. It just straight up works. And so Veebs. Let's talk Veebs a little bit because I'm like hanging out with my friends around town and we're always kind of doing this dance. Like you done it. Yeah. You like jumping on Veebs yet. And everyone's like, I'm about to do it. Well, every coffee shop is the pool behind you. Yes. I finally took the plunge. I'm on Veebs. And you can tell. No. So the way people walk, you
walk around now with a little extra that's so sauce that I can a little extra. Wow. A little switch in the hips. I gotta say you guys turned it the fuck on when the cameras got rolling. Oh shit. I didn't see this coming. And that's it. But that's what happens, man. And part of it is probably some of that Veebs energy seeped into us. Yes. We got a little extra. Listen for 599 a month. You get Carmer Christopher live from the
Wendy's city. You get the Kingsley on concert. Yeah. You get Alicia Keys. You can go back and go. And that's how it's supposed to be watched. Right. You watch a little comedy. Do you want to your what's a punchline from the special? Not like not like a not like the best one. Don't give us a set up either. I'll do I'll do man. I'm sick. All right. I got one for you guys. Have you guys seen that movie Megan? Yeah. For those of you
haven't it's just like that movie Chuckie except the dollar sexy is all. Bulls on parable battle battle battle battle battle battle battle. So you can switch back and forth. Uh-huh. That's how you're supposed to hear it. You're supposed to go fucking like it's just like a one button experience on Veebs. Yeah. It's a mash up man. The whole thing to them. Yeah. What's that Alicia Keys song? Some people want it all go back and forth between that and
that. Yeah. There you go. But like look you got a special for all right. And at the end of the day Chicago you fucking left. I left them. She got a lot of stuff. And guess what? Fuck them. Fuck them. I love them. But city of big shoulders. You're living only carrying me so far. I can't be living. I can't be living in this city. I grew up in too long. I was there a long time. Is it true? You flew away on the on Dave Matthews plane and that
and that it was actually you dumped some crap. Well, that was that was their bus that dumped the crap over the bridge of the Chicago River. But didn't you got it? But didn't you leave on his plane? Yeah. We dropped the we dropped the crap and then the bus. We dropped the crap out of the plane on Gary and Indiana. That's why it's been stank for the last two decades. Fuck that. Fuck that Gary man. A little feud. Starving. Carmverse Gary and Indiana.
To Chicago Ripson Gary and Indiana because you have to drive through it sometimes and fucking stinks like shit. I could be wrong. It might smell fine now. But maybe also we just like Michael and people being like I got to get the fuck out of here man. Jordan. Yes. Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan. Yeah. I mean, he was, you know, he did this time. He did his time. You do your time. He built that city. I had to go to New York. You know,
when I was doing comedy in Chicago, I was like, this guy's weird. He's aggressive and I go to New York and they open arms. I've been here to say that about you man. But yeah, I was I was. I heard that you were weird, but you've been really cool ever since I met you a couple minutes ago. Damn. Have you ever heard of the people you hang out with are weird, but like you're fucking cool. Like it like who's weird. I don't know. Well,
people you know, I don't know who they are. I just see what they're doing online and I go. I know Joe. We're back to industry Joe. I Joe's cool. I don't know. Joe's pretty Joe's Joe's Joe's a really good friend. Joe's a very rare Joe. Joe's Joe's Joe's Joe's Joe's Joe's Joe's Joe's Joe's have done this. Yeah. Both Joe's are friends. But some of these people are fucking freaks. But like are you being weird in the show in the special
or like you're being normal? I think I'm just straight up being funny. And I have jokes that I worked on. That's all. Yeah. That's I wish we could get back to that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because stand up now. I feel like everybody's got to have a message. Right? Yeah. Yeah. My message is their stupidity. They're trying to teach me something. Yeah. I'm not trying to hear it. I'm not trying to teach you shit. I'm trying to make
you laugh so hard. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. All I want is to make people laugh. That's all I want to do when I go on a stage. I don't care. That's all I want. I do think there's so many people that want to collapse. But you shouldn't. I think that's I think that's also too. Right? Because I'm because it is going to come back around at some point. Yeah. I mean, you got to plan a little bit like. And so like that's medicine with my sugar
please. That's fine for right now. But eventually people are going to show up and be like, hey, like it's actually time to fucking talk about some real school. Yeah. It's time to go back to school. I got nothing to teach you, buddy. I got nothing to teach. I'm here to make you fucking laugh. But you're a college boy. Like this is like you brought that up like I'm a college grad. What can I say? I'm one of the smarter people in the room.
University of Iowa bachelor's marketing degree. John T. Tippie College of Business marketing degree marketing marketing. This is what we need. Okay. So part of why you're here is we've all seen the promo video for your hats. Yep. Mark. We want to pull up it. I watch it because I actually haven't seen it. But I heard about it. And we know I didn't mean I'd seen it. But we all seen it. We never did. We got these hats. Right. We never made a video. We never
made a video. Are we live on YouTube? Kevin, can you confirm from me we are live on YouTube right now? We're about to be live on YouTube. I think we might be live. We're multi streaming because we're live on beeps as well. That's true. Okay. So Kevin does bits too. All right. Let's. So basically listen. Is it recording now? Yes. Sorry. Go ahead. Basically this promo video. I made this promo video. I'm going to tell you. Let's. What's that look or does
it say in the video? You'll see it in the video. It's a promo video to sell my merch hats. After we do the show the video, I want you to guess how much the video costs to make. And I want you to guess how many hats I sold. Hit me. Okay. So Kevin, can you be describing it as it like as we're watching in here? Sure. You'll need to have. Because I don't want to. I like I have to be watching a thing. You have set up to say after it. So. Okay. You
guys want headphones to hear it? I have headphones. I got. Oh, do I need my non if you want to? Well, if you want to hear the video, you may know the video. Well, so what then let's look at some of the the figures here. Turn my headphones down because we got a K. We got a brick of lights down there. This is good. Yeah. And this is going back to December of 2020. 23. Here we go. Maybe click on here. Yeah. Start over. Start over. Start over.
Happy. Yeah. No, no. This is where Kevin tells you. And be saying what's happening, Kevin. I like. Start over. Start over. And don't say. Wait. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Stop. It's not. Don't be saying like the word. Don't say what they're saying. You're just saying the words that they're saying. Okay. So be saying like what's happening in it. Yeah. Foreign beautiful people. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's hard. Come on. Can we call people? No.
Attractive beautiful people. I like. Man says this is my happy place. Beautiful models. Oh, Carmen had to. Everyone's doing beautiful poses, doing selfie with the hat sunglasses and the baseball. And where are they, Kevin? Look like a park in front of a park baseball field. Uh oh. It's changing. Whoa. Doing big, big, big pits. And now it's like a cool music video. I say we're smoking. And now it's someone's ringing my horse. I want to stay
forever. These are fruits of my labor. I like you here. I like why I love having fun with my friends. I like turtles. I like this. By Carmen Christopher. So okay. So the promo videos are incredible. I do I want to do this. We just became such good friends. It's okay. I'm looking to turn it up. I just want to say and I'm a fan of your shit, dude. Like I like your shit. You're the worst one in the video. It's okay. Duh. That's the point.
But that's like so generous. There's one part. You know what I mean? Like no, like I'm a fucking asshole, dude. When I make a video, I got to eat. I need the big, I need, I need the big piece of chicken. To me, I'm in the edit getting fucking pissed off if I watch this. Anybody else is being good. Everyone else is eating except me. But I edited that's I edited with my friend. This is what I'm saying. I'm doing that too in my version.
I'm just getting pissed off. Yeah. The point, the point was that I didn't, so I didn't want to be in it. I didn't want to be in it. I was like, let me just get this. That's coming across. That's what I say too. That's what I would say in mind too. Where like I'd be like, I didn't want to be in this. But then once I'm in it, bib. Yeah. It's. No, I eat enough. So here's the thing is I was like, I put on a poncho because I'm eating messy.
These kids, these guys, they're beautiful people. Are they how old are they like third 20s, okay. I don't know their names or age. Great. Yeah. I found them. They absolutely look like they could be on this industry show. Yeah. They keep sending me videos. They're cool. They're cool. And they're foreign for sure. But it sounds like they're all from the same place. No, they're all from different countries. Wow. They're all from different countries. I liked
all their looks and they were going to just do it. And then my friend who was shooting at there like you have to be in it. And I was like, I guess that is funny. And then I'll just say something stupid. But regardless, I just thought it would be funny to make a promo with hot people. Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. And then and they had that shit on. It's a formula that works for sure. Yeah. You know who the first person we launched our hat with was who and and God bless
him in all respect. Paul rest. I love Paul. I just did an improv show with him. We love to. I'll tell you who doesn't. Hat customer. Yeah. The hat consumer is not having the kind of reaction to him that I imagine they would have to like. Hop people. One with the glasses and the gentleman with the glasses and the other people. They're hot. They're hot. That's why I did that. Guess how much that video costs and guess how many hats I sold. Okay. Well, back in the napkin
math. How much are they on the spot? The hats are 30. Did they get to keep them? I gave them each ahead. Okay. So right there. And I paid them for the video. Okay. And the horse. Did you pay for the for the footage or did you? Did you? It's on film. It's not on film. We put a film green over. Okay. But you get a permit for the field or we started running and got it. Okay. Running gun. Everything. Awesome. I remember. Yeah. Dude. It was all gorilla hat promo
making and it was just we were doing it for the love of the game. What made me the worst thing? What made me the worst in the video? Come on. What made me the worst thing? And you said it. I just want to say. I said it was all like cool. You say you say whatever. And now you were now I can tell that you're like you said like I've had it. What made the worst. But now let's get into it. Let's get into the gritty. What made me the worst. They were really became
accustomed to the accents. Yes. As like a as like a very a very comfortable place for me to be that every time someone spoke that there was going to be just a little bit of sauce on the pronunciation of the words that when you spoke so clearly which and you stand up and in some of your comedy videos I've seen I normally enjoy it was very jarring. Nails on a chalkboard for me to hear the lack of accent. And they actually seem like they're friends. Yes. I actually bought into the idea
that they were just there. They're vibing out on the bleachers the word that Kevin couldn't come up with because he's never on. He was under and you would say that I'm some sort of fish out of water. They were very effortless in their portrayal. God they were so comfortable. Would you wear that work? You guys were comfortable. You had your hard hat on you clocked in. Would you say that their models and I'm not? What I would say is they were existing and you were performing.
Yes. Okay. And there was in so there was an effort full their professional delivery. Their professional models and I am not as we're saying. Yeah, but I'm not saying that I'm seeing that there was a lot of palpable effort in the delivery of your line which was towards the end of the video. And I thought that when they were doing the lines it was almost like they didn't even know what they were saying.
And the idea that there's professional models like I just go up to people now and you know I'll do my thing where I'm like hey like I'm just taking pictures of people like I just like to your look would you like to be a part of a photo shoot like I'm back in the studio. It's interesting because I'm not taking the reason the reason no film all the reasons that you don't like the video are the reasons that's why I like it. That's what's good about it. That's why I'm not saying it's good.
So you were doing that like we were doing that on purpose. Everything that's in there is intentional. Everything that's in there is done on purpose. That's making me think about it totally differently. I think you might be the best part of the whole thing. I think that your belly got full off that huh. You were eating. I am genuinely happy with every aspect of the video. The video's good. And I also think it's kind of a weird setting to watch it. I think it's like nice to watch it
on your phone. People are throwing stuff up on the TV now. I love that. I think that's cool. People are actually like kicking back and just like I really want to take you know I'm a very defensive person and I'm dying to watch something that you're in now. Oh god. I'm dying to watch anything that you're in. Okay just so you can roast my ass. 100%. Well I mean what we wanted for process wise we wanted to AMC show make our own self is up on Netflix now. I of course portray Curtis
words the drugstore employee. So I don't know if you want to watch the whole series. I would like to watch you. You kind of have to watch all series. Well it's like this is like this is making higher thing right. This whole thing and I watch all of the promo video when he's making his choices on his show which is now on Netflix. Yeah just got on there. Then he's building off of everything that has come before him on the show. So we can't just watch that clip. You know what
I mean. Okay. Okay let's guess guess how much the video was guess how much how many hats I sold. Okay video. Well you told me like a hundred and thirty. The half thirty. One twenty no matter what. Thirty but that's not cost. What's your margins on the hat. Yeah that's what you sell them for. I can't talk about that online. Well we know we're gonna find out because we're gonna learn the budget. Mm-hmm. You're not getting that info on that on this. I got kids selling those.
That's not funny. Okay I'm gonna go I'm gonna go backward from the final result of the dollar amount. We're gonna figure out how much the the the hats cost. I just want you know you like you're putting that out there like we got people that are gonna like crunch that out. Just let's let's let's do this so that we can move on. Yeah so I actually am good at this. Uh eighty dollars. That's how much I made. Mm-hmm. That's how much the video cost. Okay. How much do you
think? Do you pay yourself? No. You can't yeah that's that's the way to do you got to do that. Catch up for dinner. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That was nice and fork. Oh when I have a fork go play to catch up. Get a catch up out of the freezer. Do you feed that? Open the bottle with a hammer. No that was that was a one hour that was a one hour. You cannot feed them. Not even catch up. The catch up is just for you. No. They were asking for they were asking for ubers. First of all
not everybody wants to eat it that way. They were asking for ubers. One of them asked for a new beret said no. What do you think this is? Send that yeah. Send you're getting ahead and some I paid each of them a hundred dollars. They were encountering over a bench. You're paying nice. They each got a hundred dollars for an hour. Hey nice we're gonna be getting. I'm just gonna tell you how much the video cost is taking forever.
Oh well I guess eighty dollars. Hey did you have a guess? Let me you're already wrong. He's wrong. He's so wrong. I paid them each a hundred bucks. Yeah so you're already wrong. You're out you're out. Yeah we're just talking now. Uh 40. Take out my phone. Yeah I'm gonna get on my phone. So you went lower. I told you it's three hundred so you said 40. There's three of them in there. It seemed like there
were so many more but I guess you're showing the same people different times. So if there was more than it would cost more. That was three of them. There's three of them. You did a good job making it seemed like there were way more guys. I thought there was so many. Yeah so only three. I made it look like there was more. That was intentional. Okay. All right the video cost. The second best person in
the video. The video cost two grand. Okay. All right. Guess how many hats I sold. Zero. I sold zero. Zero hat. I sold zero hats. I wouldn't have gotten there. Well how do you how do you know that that didn't because you don't have a code. I sold zero. There's no promo code so you don't know whether it translated it. That's what my manager said. He said why he said this but he said first of all he goes how have I not seen this. Secondly we don't know that you're selling hats and I said
yeah I like to keep my things a little bit you know. So this is a trick to stay away for free. This guy's manager is soaking him for 10% or whatever and where I'm saying the exact same. He doesn't have a piece of you for nothing. He said you have no promo code. I don't know. I think
you I think you've actually got a manager here. I'm going to re I'm going to re put up the here's in here's here's what up here's what I here's what my issue is in this entire here's what my his my issues and the existence of this industry is that I'll do the thing
but I won't do the extra little thing that makes me cringe. Uh-huh. Like I want that's what the show is about to honest the I mean based on the integrity integrity integrity I have integrity I sold zero hats I got the report there was and I have a ton of clicks on the my link my link tree some people go to it and sold zero hats. Well the I'll tell you that if the extra piece that makes you cringe is selling hats. I think it's not going to like I think it's fun involved in the
hat back. It's funny that you sold zero. It's a good podcast story. It's pretty funny. It's pretty like the video is more expensive than I thought. I mean well so I kind of got screwed you know the horse right the horse the horse rates well no I you know I had to pay for an editor I sat with them and then I was like then I had to pay up and was this like one of your boys or someone who you like it's not it's this guy Dean he's actually he's a young guy who
slipped in my DMs and was like yeah I'm looking at it shit. Same thing to me he's like I'm looking to edit some stuff. Deans in there man. Deans message ring yeah. Dean wants to edit but Dean doesn't go. Oh surprise surprise he wants to get paid okay so where are you coming to me and just don't you want money. Yeah I mean I should start DM. Hey I'm looking to edit stuff. It works. It's just I just want the money. It works. Honestly like what you should have done
instead is being like hey I have this hat. It's just message people like I have a hat. Do you want to wear it? It costs money. And then more and then honestly more people would buy the hat. Now you're playing the knee. You want to buy a hat of me. It could be a range. Maybe a swap. No I'm good though. 30 bucks. How about uh give him one dollar give him one dollar in the hat. And he's on the hook like you can convert this from here you can actually get 30 bucks out of him
and he carries he carries cash. Put it put it this way you fucked me with the parking. This guy didn't tell me there's a parking spot right I I text him I say hey I'm running a little bit behind sure I'll be here 1001 but then I have to find parking. Perfect opportunity to say we have a spot
here what does he say you're not the only one that got F today Carmen. Well it's got F big daddy who's that me babe don't call me babe why'd you get F I walk in none of these cameras are working your text in me F is so when he says F the show factually yeah without him connover records before this is getting F is getting like is getting factually it's getting factually and they bring their own cameras I don't need like special cameras. What do you guys think about these ones don't get close to
us. He just did our show and he fucking the ball still flying. Yeah he killed like the hat but fucking barrel exit V low it's gonna be a dip I'm telling you every time I do a podcast that I don't promote it. Yeah you do numbers or low yeah it's gonna suck no one's ass I'll share I'll share I'll share on Instagram stories. Oh great yeah please promote it that would be great for us. Stories only
yeah this isn't going on the grid are you kidding me. Well I mean what a somewhat we know for it you're fucking grid performance like like the stories maybe we know how so stories is okay with my grid performance recently has been really good. What what if there was a great worthy clip like what would make okay this is cool okay this is actually cool. What would be a clip right like an epic clip of the podcast that would make you want to
share it. It's got to have three elements right gotta be funny as hell. It's got to feel authentic and ideally it's also going to be about something you're passionate about whether it's your special your own style of comedy maybe even your family Carmen or the city of Chicago but why don't we try to identify what that element is and then we'll find an authentic funny way to weave it into our conversation and that can get isolated as a clip that could be on your grid and help all of us win
together. You don't need fancy equipment you don't need to buy followers or anything like that all you need is a formula that works every single time. It's authenticity something you're passionate about and it's gotta be funny as hell. It's my way you got that taken care of. They don't even I'm able to mention that one I think we just got the clip. Oh my god I'm gonna kill myself. Yeah I am too. But for a different reason. Well the same reason it's the show. I didn't know you guys were like
I didn't know you guys were like bullies. Okay okay okay come on. You guys love this shit. Oh holy wood ham book. Hey guys speak like a whole new you with Babel the science-backed language learning app that gets you talking wasting hundreds of dollars in private scooters that's the old school way of learning a new language. I tell you I've been on this Babel thing. 10 minute lessons quick handcrafted by over 200 language experts. I come in here to do Hollywood handbook. I
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I blocked the door and said where's my hug. Did you know I don't did you do that? Kevin does it in a way where like either do it or do it or don't at this point. It's so you ask for a hug. You're not blocking the door. Wait this is such an interesting segue into something that happened last night with my girlfriend. Okay we got something that is passionate about. And it's gonna be up that thing. Don't set it up. Let's just talk. God damn it.
Okay okay tell me tell me what happened with your girlfriend. I'm all ears. I'm a wife guy. Me and my girlfriend got into a fight last night because I haven't seen her in a month and I and I had a show and she got back and I smoked a cigarette after the show. She didn't go to the show. She didn't go to show. She was invited but she's like I got to like get back to Zen. Yeah boy. Yeah she gets enough of that. And so um a babbling. I smoked a cigarette.
One. Which your what's your brand? Whoever's got the free cigarette. A single rat. If I had to choose I'd say parliament. But I'm not a big smoker. The recessed fill up. Maybe a couple of smokes of weed. Because it is recessed for you. It's recessed. It's a little time in the full yard. Well it's time to play. recessed pieces. Hey there's been enough fight. Is anyone a repunched you? Yeah I've got punched so many times. It's like not even but it was like when I was younger.
Yeah. For real you need to get punched when you're a kid. I've been punched you. Yeah. Did you ever punch anybody? Yeah but I hurt my hand. My hand pretty bad broke my finger. Wait where are you from? Can I get? Of course you're rich. Where are you from? Masses uses. Oh my god. I'm hanging out with a bunch of rich guys. All right. Come on. A bunch of privilege kids. Who cares? A bunch of privilege kids bullying me. All right so I get home. I smoke to say.
My girlfriend. I haven't seen her in a month. I go to a hugger and she pushes me away. And I'm like because I smell like she's like I smelled like cigarette. I'm like who cares? I haven't seen you in a month. I'm not blowing smoke in your face. Me. All right. Pushes me away. Hurts my feelings. I go shower and I go to bed. She's like what's wrong? I'm like well I don't want to push me away. Yeah. What are you doing? What are you doing now? What are you doing?
And so we got enough like that I smoked a cigarette. It's like like well I'll tell you. I'm like what am I like 12? I'm a carbon in my relationship. I am constantly trying to get that. Sulking from a lack of hugs. Really? Yeah. Bums you out. Where am I hugged? And then what happened? Where's my hugged? And then where happens? A fight. When do I not get a hug? Yeah. I'll give you a I'll give you the list of when I do get a hug because that's the shorter list.
Or give me that. Every morning before I leave. So that's great. And let me introduce myself a little bit. I'm Carmen's GF. I'm the one who's doing the pushing big two handed push saying no like I don't want the hug. The only men is get out. I'm seen in a month. But that's because I want you to want to hug me so much. So you actually have to like fight to get it. The hug has to be worth overcoming a triumph. Sounds like a salt though.
I don't know if somebody says don't hug me you can keep going to hug him or different age. It's not home. You know what I mean? We're just hanging out in a hug. Like it's not like that. We're just like we're just playing around a little bit at home. Someone says no you stop. I'm just saying why I want. I'm just putting this out there for everyone. Carmen put that in your stand up. Okay because this is the message underneath the funny. I need to get me up. I really need me.
I need to get really me. Arms around my tummy. And I'm gonna struggle. I'm gonna be like no. You got to interlock the fingers with this. Yes. Yeah. And I want. I want to get a little bit of a touch. He'll wiggle. He won't like. Rock me back. Are you guys both married? Unfortunately. Not when we're doing the show. Yeah. I just like during the actual during the recording time. Yes. Was an agreement we both have. We are we are single as hell and we're. The ring and white.
They call it a ring life for a reason. Because that ring light goes on. The ring comes off. Yeah. The ring becomes very light. It flies right off my finger. In a hot way. And how did you get how did you to meet? We were trying. So we we both went out lied to cheat on our spouses. And we ended up accidentally talking to each other and meeting you know like that. That was kind of our. It's interesting because we both were pretending to be. A girl. Yeah. And I don't know why.
You know like as I look back that wasn't an effective way to get what I actually wanted in the chat room. But then we just hit it off and became these girlfriends and we were so nervous. We were effectively. Yeah. Fishing one another. Yeah. And just worked out in a way where we kind of still are. Yeah. And it was kind of the type of conversation even though we were both like pretending to be girls and like looking for something else. But like even as we're just chatting.
It was kind of like we should. Someone should be like recording. Yeah. It was really funny. And I was like I can't believe I met a girl who is this much like an annoying guy. Yes. Yes. I am. Yes. And so it felt like really special. And it has been. But it's also been a bitter disappointment. Yes. Yeah. In the same way like we did not get what we were seeking at all from our original encounter. We made the mistake of thinking, oh well we'll get it with our next ambition. Maybe when we team up.
Yeah. But then we instead of wearing the lesson from the first time, which is like no, this is going to play out the exact same way as the other thing. It's not going to be what you're thinking. This podcast. It's probably its own little thing but not what you were hoping for. This podcast is really a catfish lesbian relationship that has been attempting to bring in a third. Yeah. And the energy of that third has consistently been what we're finding from you is that we get called bullies.
We get... Torch. That they want to kill themselves. Okay. Being rich is bad. And yeah. It's used to me. Being rich is good. Being rich is good. But you guys grew up with rich parents. So it's nice to just remind you guys that you didn't earn anything. I'm being grinded. I've been... You grew up in grinded. We're grinding. No. We're in Connecticut. You may have in County. County. Cheshire, Connecticut. I don't know anything about Connecticut. Okay. So why'd you ask?
Because I just know it's like a rich state. In Connecticut. Yeah. Because there's only one kind of person in Connecticut. I guess... I guess... It's actually one of the most diverse communities on planet Earth. Whoa. If you actually go there. I guess if you go and look at the variety wildlife that you can find in the Connecticut forests, you'd realize that the biodiversity is off the charts. I would love to... A single tide pool. I would love to spend things giving with your family.
Okay. You can. I mean, we're going to Orlando this year. I can do that. Okay. Because if you want the Connecticut experience, we can do it, but it can't be Thanksgiving. Because this year we're going to Orlando. I've done a show in Orlando once. It was goofy, Lavin. Goofy, Mickey, Mini, Mickey. It was all... Beg Adam. It was all the... Yeah, it was the whole squad. All the squad, yeah. The whole squad was there. The Orlando improv. Have you guys been there? Just a strip mall.
Have you guys been to Orlando? Well, yeah. So... I have some family there. Who's your family? This is now getting really intense for me. This is a good thing. This is the seven fishes, right? Is this not the seven fishes? Can't smell the... I mean, not seeing the... Was that like... Can't smell it. Were you feeling... I've felt that way. I don't know. That was the best episode of the television I've ever seen. Even while you were there. I wasn't in that episode. I wasn't there.
Hm. See, this is... I gotta be. If they're doing make-giving, they're on my show. I gotta be. You're gonna have to make me a play. I gotta be. You know what I mean? Yeah, you know. I'm showing up and you're gonna have to play. Yeah, I gotta show up. Play me up something. I like being in it very little. It's better. That's your choice. So... In the same as the hat video, everything is intentional. It's by design. Absolutely. Making you reevaluate that as well. Are you run-gron?
Are you ready for what? I, you know, you had to kind of like pull some stuff up. Oh, yeah. Orlando of it all. About my family and Orlando. Well, basically, what this is. People I consider to be my family. This could be the clip. This is going to be very, very funny. Yeah. This is going to be hilarious. Well, I do, I do want- And authentic. I do want to ultimately get some big laughs. And I think the way that they come is out of truth. Is the camera- Get, turn the TikTok camera on, Captain.
TikTok camera's on. So we have to put up the TikTok camera for certain moments of the show because this is going to get isolated. Bye. That's it. Hi. Is that the end of the- That's the end? Yeah. No! No! No! Holy wood hammer. That was a headgun podcast.