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Hello everybody, Welcome back to Holly Randall Unfiltered. I am very excited for my guest today. I actually only just met her last week, so this is a very like last minute, kind of serendipitous interview. But I think it's going to be one that you're really going to enjoy. She is a MoMA for a widow, a Mormon, and a content creator who is passionate about empowerment, honesty, and her faith. Welcome the Costco Mom next Door Holly Jane Johnson.
Thank you.
I'm really excited.
Yeah, it's so nice to I mean, obviously another Holly. You know, it was meant to be.
It was meant to be clearly, like all Hollies are great.
So you kept popping up on my feed on Instagram. Yeah, out of nowhere. I don't think we even have any followers in common. Just the algorithm pushed you to meet. And then I saw you. I recognize your hair. I was like, that's her. She has this beautiful, curly hair. Andy, it's her. I'm going to talk to her.
Yeah, I know.
So so we went to it was the ABN House party last week and I was and yeah, she came up to me and she was like, I've seen you on Instagram. I'm like, yes, me, yes, And then yeah, we started talking and she said she was in town and you know she you've never done a podcast before?
Is that?
Oh? I have you have done? Okay? Yeah?
And I was on The Daily Blast Live. It's a it's a live talk show.
Okay. Yeah.
So I've done some podcasts, just not recently, but just not any good ones, just not any good ones.
Yes, this is the first so I thought it would be really fun to have her come on. And you have a really interesting story, so definitely want to get into that. So I guesslet's talk about your when you launched your adult career. That was back in twenty twenty one. It was yeah, okay, so tell me what inspired that move.
I knew I wasn't happy, you know, I think any well, a lot of people that work like the nine to five, they're like, how do I get out of this?
Right?
And I knew that I wanted to be in the industry. I just didn't know where I fit in, and it wasn't on the forefront of my mind. I just had a baby and I was on attorney. We'd leave and I'm watching I'm sitting there watching TV and somebody it was miss Poindexter.
You know who Miss Poindexter is. The name is so Fune. Okay.
So her kids they were asked to leave their Catholic school, like they could no longer attend because someone outed the mom, Miss Poindexter. So it was a big thing. She was all over the media and this segment came on and they were talking about.
It, and she did she was she and me, she's an OnlyFans. Okay, yeah, she's an O F model.
So I saw this and they mentioned the money that she makes and like a little bit in a in like a family friendly way to explain what she does. And I had never heard off before. So I grabbed my phone, like sitting there, I'm like, put the baby down and grab my phone. And it was just the like aha moment, like oh this could be where I fit in.
Yeah, and yeah.
It was that instant like, oh, this is something, and so I immediately started to research and I put my whole plan into action, and that's really it. I just took off from there.
Yeah.
And that is right when Only Fans was really hitting its trajectory, because it's right after the pandemic and all those stories were really coming out about how much people were making and all of those stories about like people who had this regular day job or was this regular person.
Then all of a sudden they tried this this thing, and you know, Only Fans has really changed the landscape of the adult industry so much, because before you had to be a porn star and you had to be hired by a director and you had to do a scene and you got a one time check and you know, you generally had to do a bunch of different shoots to even get your name up there, and you didn't really.
Have that much control over your career or your.
Image, and you definitely didn't have that direct connection with your fans.
That only fans brings you.
Right, Yeah, you didn't own your content.
You weren't.
I mean, you could be a somewhat of a brand right in that realm, but really you can decide what your brand looks like, who you want to be name the price of your content. I mean, you own all of the rights. You can do whatever you want, you can get creative with it. And so I really like that, And you know, I think not everyone obviously can make it on only fans. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of people think that we just take
pictures and we make all of this money. But there's a lot of behind the scenes work that goes into that. And I'm a very driven person. So I just knew I will be that person. Will I will be that mis poindexter. So I was really exciting and I just stuck with it.
Were you a sexual person growing up or was that something that you embraces a totally new side of yourself.
Oh I always was. Yeah.
Yeah, even you know, growing up, like as you're in high school and you're talking with your friends about what you want to do, like if you want to go to college. I had no interest. I was like, I know, I'm going to work for myself, make my own schedule, right, Like I just had this. You know, everyone thought I was in La La Land. I remember Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra. Those were my idols. I'm like, they're doing something right, they look like they're having a lot of fun.
They're in magazines. I wanted to model, so of course, like I got married, I had kids, and I just thought that's not possible.
But that's what I wanted to do well.
And the great thing about only Fans is that it really opens up that space for you to find that audience that is looking for like that attractive woman next door that feels more attainable than like a Carmen Electra right.
Right, yeah, yeah. People want to think that exactly, that it's obtainable that the mom that they see at the grocery store that they could have a chance with her.
I mean, for me, like that's been such an interesting thing to see in on the Internet, and then even more so with personal content platforms like OnlyFans, because you know, I've been in the adult industry for it'll be twenty seven years in September, and so I started when it was very much controlled by the distributors, and so you know, the only content that people had access to was you know, well VHS's, yeah, and then like DVDs that they bought,
and then like magazines that they bought. So they were very much there wasn't a lot of feedback from the audience to the distributor, right, They just whatever porn they got was what they consumed. And then when the Internet really opened up this opportunity for people to really seek out the things that they were into, you saw like this shift like Mills did not exist fifteen twenty years ago. Like why when you were like twenty eight, you were like done, your career was over.
That makes sense.
You didn't have the feedback from the audience, like you said, and so you just assumed what they wanted to see, and that assumption was, you know, they're getting older, no one's interested in this. And then now that we have the feedback, what's the.
Number one search.
I know, it's crazy, so you want to see it's been really cool to see, like how you know pigeonholed. Everybody was in porn before where literally you know I girls would come in for gosies. Yeah, and I would send their pictures to the magazines for approval and they'd be like, how old she?
And I'm like, uh, well, twenty eight. They'd be like, just toold? Can you imagine? It's like too old? Yeah, you're still a baby.
You're still so young, I know, right, And now it's like, you know, you can be in your fifties, in your sixties and some people are doing.
Like incredibly well.
Yeah, and it's also enabled I think women to come into the industry at a later age when they are in a better place to make decisions like them yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, Like they've thought about it and they know what they want in life and they're ready to establish boundaries. I think sometimes when you come into eighteen Yeah.
Yeah, I also think too. You know a lot of men, and what's different about of is that you're connecting with the fans, and they are seeking more than just the content. They're seeking the connection and the relationship and that's why they're there. They want to talk to you, they want to connect with you, and they're into you. They want
to know everything about you. And so if if that's true, which which it is, then they maybe if they're older themselves, then they want someone around their same age that they can connect with.
Absolutely.
I think that the reason that it exploded so much during the pandemic was obviously, like people were so isolated, people were so lonely, and this is a way for them to connect with other people. And you know, you really saw like how important that connection was to two fans, and that's It's just it's crazy because I remember when only fans first came along. Yeah, and I signed up, and I just because I wanted to grab my username, right, I didn't want anyone to take it. But I didn't
like think anything of it. I mean, like I'll be the first to admit, like I didn't think it was going to go anywhere.
I was wrong.
Yeah, And and just to see the way it's exploded, it was, I don't know, I feel like it was something that like I don't think anyone.
Saw it coming, right really, Yeah, which is kind of crazy. Yeah, everyone was sort of surprised by how well this is going and taking off.
Yeah, so tell me how you built an audience, because you know, a lot of women who got on OnlyFans at least like from my industry already had a following, right like because they were doing adult movies. But you came you were a mom, and you know you didn't have.
I had no I had a Facebook that I posted on maybe once a year because the family wants to see pictures of the kids, right like. That was the extent, and I was never on there. I just occasionally would go on post that picture. Leave. I had never used TikTok, Twitter, Instagram. It was just that Facebook. So part of that, you know, when I saw miss Poindexter and I was like, Okay,
this is what I'm going to do. I spent about a month to two months putting together a business plan because this is a business, and getting the LLC and writing out that plan. And part of that plan was I knew because I did my research, Oh you can't just go onto OnlyFans and type in blonde milf right, There's really no internal traffic. So a lot of the business and the success of the business depends on marketing.
Yourself.
So I had to open all of these accounts, and I opened multiple on Instagram and multiple Twitters, and I knew, okay, I need as many eyeballs on me as possible. So I spent several months just posting like crazy, just working really hard to build my presence on all of these different platforms. I would sit on you can't really do this anymore and go anywhere with it. But I would sit on TikTok for like an hour just on live building a fan base and pushing them over to my Instagram.
And I'm a nut. I wake up at like seven am and I pose I post it noon. I post at the same time every day, multiple times a day on all of my twelve accounts, and I'm just very consistent with it. Like my religion now, my new religion is posting on Instagram.
Yeah, so you say you have multiple accounts. Why did you open multiple accounts? And like, are they different from each other in anyway? No, I'm starting with the batch creating.
So I will.
Let's say I'm in a swim suit and I'm just you know, posting, you know, in a picture or just make a cute reel in that swimsuit. I'm going to make a twelve in that swimsuit so that I don't have to reinvent the wheel. And okay, what am I doing for the next one. It's just it's quick, you know, It's a seven second reel, and then I bust out
the next one. It's I'll batch create. Since I post three times a day, I'll get you know, in another outfit, and we'll do that in three outfits so that I have that content for the day, and I and I will do this. I'll do about a week's worth of content and just kind of repeat that process. And why twelve accounts is because, like I said, I need to have as many eyes on me as possible, and these
accounts don't perform the same. You could open an Instagram and you could be frustrated and think I only get you know, five thousand views on all of my reels. You could open another account and for some reason, I'm getting in thirty days, I'm pulling in like ten million views. And so I knew and I saw very quickly. Okay,
some of these accounts are kind of duds. Some are performing. Okay, I have one that performs well, well, you know, in this industry, Instagram is not our friend, and your account can go down, and you've put all of your eggs in one basket in this account, so I better have twelve.
So do you have a theory as to why certain accounts do better than others? Do you think it's just like an algorithm like chance? Yeah, exactly, yeah, right, A lot of it is luck. Yeah, yeah, because I have found that I started helping a couple of girls like start new Instagrams, and I have found that I struggle with getting some posts above like a certain number, like
some will do really well and then others won't. And I can see like the ones that Instagram is pushing out to the non followers versus the followers only, and it seems like the sexier it is, the more Instagram will choke the traffic.
Yeah. True, And I'm like, how you get past that barrier?
Do you have to get to a certain number of followers and then it's just like at that point, it's just the like an exponential growth like that's yes, yes, my own personal account, I already like over eight hundred thousands. That's different, but starting from scratch, like I haven't done that since the beginning of Instagram.
It's yeah, it's really difficult. Yes, you're right, but also without pushing the limits. So some think, oh, I have five million followers, I can do whatever I want. Well, you turn around in a thong and you're going to find out real quick you can't do whatever you want then to fly the posts. So it's there's a balance.
You know.
I have an account, my main account. I think for the last thirty days. You know how it shows like your views for the last thirty days, I met ninety million views.
That's a lot.
Yeah, ninety million views, and the last thirty days on that account. Another account is at like fifteen million. So that's why I have these accounts because I'm going to get lucky on one.
Okay, interesting, and they're none that you like give up on. No, you're just like never, I'm going to keep. I believe in all of you. I believe your children. Yes, yeah, exactly.
I believe in you, and I just treat them as though this next post is going to go viral and eventually something will.
So you just have to.
I think people get frustrated and they give up, and you can't. You have to just yeah, you can't, you have to, Yes, you just have to maintain that delusion that this next post is going to do it, this next post is going to do it, because eventually it will.
Yeah.
Yeah, So do you post the same exact Do you do a different post for each Instagram?
I do because Instagram doesn't want you to spam, so they don't want you to take this real that you posted on this account and post it on another make a different reel. But they're pretty identical. Maybe in this one I went like this with my hair instead of instead of just standing there. You know, their captions are different.
I don't.
Usually I don't really believe in captions. I don't my main account try to find it. I mean, okay, you maybe find on a collap maybe I don't know. Two captions out of like a hundred, I don't. I don't think it makes the difference. No one reads, no, No one looks at that. No, so hashtag well no, don't even bother.
No one cares about that, cares will be there on TikTok though hashtags matter, I.
Think, so, yeah, yeah I do.
Do you guys know you were taking a social media class today? I'm sorry, these the questions I want to know.
So I think a lot of people want to know why do you do what I Some guys will ask, They're like, wait, why am why am I seeing like twelve of you. I'm like, because a girl's got to do what a girl's gotta do.
Yeah, So tell me about when you first opened your only fans, Like, do you remember the first piece of content that you shared on there?
Embarrassing photos?
Oh my gosh.
I look back and I'm like, those are so low quality, embarrassing, like horrible lighting. I probably had like some terrible filter on it, you know. I just yeah, I don't repeat those photos. And then video. I don't know why, because I could have made so much more money, so so much sooner. I think the first one was just like a like a beaja facial video.
Oh that was your first video? That was No, that was my first.
Boy girl, OK. And I think I waited like six months to post it because I was like, I can't give them everything at once.
We have to trickle this out. Yeah, absolutely, he.
Like build up the interest.
You know.
It was just a solo video of myself probably terrible. Sorry it's gotten better, I promise, but yeah, just a solo video, you know, like five minutes solo. I think I did that right out the gate, Like first week it was like, Okay, we're doing this. Yeah, and then I think, yeah, they got that j video. And then I think I waited like a year to have a true boy girl video and then it was.
On after that, After that it was very easy. Yeah.
Yeah, So how how did you build up your only fans? Like where, like how long did it take for you you got to a point where you're like, Okay, I'm making serious money because I mean, you know, you hear all these stories about oh my god, all we hear is the people that are making millions of dollars on their only fans, two hundred thousand dollars a month, whatever it is.
But a majority of creators are.
Making no more than two hundred dollars a month, right, So, and it's so hard for people to push past yeah, that that drop off?
Right, how did you get past that?
So?
I think I was.
Two months in when I quit my job. I was recruiting nurses for a dialysis company. Okay, I had a great job, and I just was like done with you because I spent two months building, building my social media, opening the only fans, and I want to say, at two months in, I was probably making about maybe made like about like seven thousand at that point, which at the time was like, oh, we're quitting. Why would I
do this anymore? And I knew I was at that point where I needed to give my full attention to it. It can't or it can't grow. I'll always only make this because this is all I can do, because there's a lot that you have to put into growing on OnlyFans. And so I quit and then I knew, Okay, I now have the time to open more accounts and to truly dedicate myself to this. So you know, people aren't
that aren't making the money. It's because they think, you know, while I'm hot, I can post and just people are going to come.
Well, no one knows who you are, who are you? Right?
It's very competitive on social media, So you not only have to figure out how to set yourself apart, but you have to have a drive, you have to be you have to be a workhorse.
You should treat it like a full time job. It is. It's a business.
Like you know, if you were opening a restaurant, would you show up, you know, twice a week and not advertise and expect that people are going to come in and.
You're going to win a Michelin award.
No.
Yeah, you have to get in there. You have to market yourself. You have to make it known that you're here.
What if you found works the best for you on only Evans content wise more just like maybe overall strategy.
Keep things very personalized on their voice notes.
You know, I want them to know that I'm here, it's me, and so like good morning messages, good night messages, you know, using personalizing it, I you know, not short in the messages. So you know, even if you're not spending today, you're going to want to spend with me because you're going to get to know me and like me, and then you're going to want to support me because I'm just a genuine, normal, nice person and it's not always the hustle. Yeah, you know, I take the time like how are you today?
What are you up to?
You know, I have those conversations. So I think that's important and that works really really well.
Do you have any issues with like fans who aren't good at respecting boundaries or who kind of think you're in a relationship that you're not in, and like how do you manage that.
I don't really have that problem. I think, I mean, people get upset when they come on and find out like, oh, this isn't bumble, this isn't bumble. I can't I can't meet you right now right right, I can't do that and we can't talk about that that. I would say that's the biggest problem.
Yeah, but generally your fans are pretty good at like understandingies and you don't.
I've had I've had a couple, You've had some issues.
A cuckoo on me, Oh what happens everyone's found to come up?
I think, yeah, I think you know, they just think that.
It's more and more connected than we are, and you know, yeah, they think that it's going to go to the next level.
Right, And I'm and I have a kid, and I like.
Write, I do care about you as a person, and like I do want to know how your day is going, and but I like, we're not going to be together. Yeah, but it's sad though, you know, like loneliness is an epidemic, and I see that in a lot. I see that in a lot of men. I see that in a lot of cat fishing. I get a lot of cat fishing.
Do you get that? Oh fakes of me? Yeah?
Oh yeah all the time. And it's like yeah, they'll say, you know, we've been talking on What's Happened. I'm like, so if I have a subscription site where I get paid when you come on and talk to me, why would I be on What's happ for free? Like why would that happen? On what planet? And on What's happened? You know, when I'm busy just chatting for kicks and giggles.
Like No, Unfortunately, I think like a lot of times that guys who buy into that are not necessarily people who are going to think.
Logically.
So it's just like it's it's unfortunate and they and they send a lot of money to these scammers, and it's just like and it makes me sad because I'm just like you, just that is not that money to me.
Right exactly? Yeah, can give it to me tips?
Oh yeah, send you a custom at least like fake promises moving in with you?
Yeah.
I think the biggest frustration though, is maybe someone come on, coming on and not respecting my time and value because I value myself in my time, so you know, oh, can you do it for this? No, because one of us is going to have to sacrifice, you or me, and it's not going to be me when I'm the one making the content and you know you want me to do something for you, but you're asking me to make the sacrifice. Yeah, and you're trying to woo me
and you want my attention. Yeah, if you were dating a woman, is that how it would go?
No?
Yeah, so why are you You're supposed to be like showering me with me with attention, love, money, gifts, and you are wondering why I'm not giving you my time?
Yeah, yeah, get it together, you know. I sometimes I do say to guys, I'm like, this isn't a flea market.
We are not here to haggle.
Yeah, exactly, get out of here. But I will say that, like, and I'm sure you have this experience too. Most of the guys are like awesome, like so respectful, yeah, really supportive, and I feel, you know.
So grateful.
Ninety seven percent Yes, yeah.
Yeah, absolutely just always it a couple of bad yeah.
Those yeah, exactly. Most of you guys were great. Yes, I love you.
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Yeah, no, it was.
I had a good group of friends, and I had at the time the support of the church, and so they did things that I couldn't and leading up to his death as well, like they brought meals every day for months. I didn't have to think about cooking or food in the house because they brought it or they'd be like, oh, let me take the kids to their sports activities because some days I just like couldn't. I
just couldn't. Yeah, write it was really difficult. Yeah, but you know, like I think when something like that happens, you know, leading up to it, you think like there's no way I can get through this, I can't do this, and then somehow you do.
Yeah.
But yeah, I'm not going to say it's easy, but yeah, somehow you just you do. You do go into survival mode.
Yeah, I mean, don't you don't know what you can get through until you face with it. Yeah, and especially when you have kids, it's like you have to.
You have to. You have to get through it. There's no choice. You don't. You don't have a choice, right you know. Yeah, so you said that.
So you were in the Mormon Church then at the time, and so they really like gathered around you and like supported you. That must have been one of like for me, I'm not a religious persons. In fact, I was raised atheist, but I love the way that the church creates a community of people that really come together and support each other. Yeah, And I think that that's something that is missing in society.
Definitely, these days. Yeah, everyone is just like for themselves.
Yeah, like we don't really like people don't have something that centers them, Yeah, and something to like focus around. And even though I'm not religious, I see how like that has value with the church. So that must have been you must have been felt like so grateful for that, Like.
Yeah, definitely. I mean they even came to me and said, Okay, we know that you can't do this, so just tell us, like what flowers you Like? They did absolutely everything for the funeral. They paid for it, they put the service together.
I showed up. Did your faith help you get through that?
It did because I felt like, Okay, I'm going to see him again because I you know, I really believe that. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to see him again. So I had that comfort. I knew, okay, he's with God. Now. I had that comfort, and so that helped me quite a bit, just knowing like he's a piece I don't need to have any guilt about that, and that you know, for me, like everything is going to be okay.
That's another thing that I actually makes me a little bit jealous about people who have faith like that. That truly like feeling that comfort and thinking that you're going to see that person again, yeah, or that they're they're okay, that their spirit like resides somewhere. Yeah, because you know, when my father died, like that was like the worst thing for me. Yeah, and I didn't have that.
That he was just gone.
Yeah yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, Like there's just nothing right.
Like he's gone, right, and I'm never going to see him again.
Yeah.
I think whether you're religious or not, and if you don't have that, you can know that, well, they're not physically suffering, right, They're not suffering whether you believe or not, you know, in the other stuff or not. Regardless of what you believe, they're not suffering. Yeah, and so you don't have to carry that burden, Right's.
The idea of non existence to me, is like the most terrifying thing ever.
It is. It's strange.
Yeah. Yeah, I like sit in the dark and think, well, if you've gone through that, yes, you do.
You think about those things because it is strange to know someone your whole life and to have someone be constant and then they just don't exist. It's strange and it's not something that you think about unless it happens to you, right, yeah.
So now you ended up being excommunicated from the church that yeah, right, So what happened there?
So I think it was I told you I was on that talk show, The Daily Blast Live.
Well that aired.
I don't think they're on the air anymore, but I think they aired in like twenty states and it was this live talk show, and then that was put on YouTube and so it circulates.
And so you went on that talk show about your career, Yeah, okay.
I think I was.
You know, after being featured in the New York Post, they contacted me and said, hey, we'd like to have you as a guest on our show.
Would you like to do that? I'm like sure, So I did, And.
Then after it was televised, they put it on YouTube. Someone I don't know who, someone in the church saw that and said recognize you and they sent that to the bishop of the church. And so I got a text one morning and this was after another article had come out in the New York Post, and I thought, oh, he saw it.
I had a text at.
Like five thirty am. I need to meet with you. It's important. Can you come and meet me at the church. I've never had a text like that in my life, so I knew who knows, and so of course I'm like, I'm really busy. Can we just talk about this over text? And he's like, it's really important, I'd rather do this in person. And so I avoided him for a while and then I decided, Okay, he's going to see me in attendance this Sunday. Let's just rip the band aid off.
So I did.
I let him come over, and we had the most awkward interaction conversation ever. You know, he's not really into social media, right, and I don't know if he has Instagram, but he certainly doesn't know anything about the adult industry. Well, it's still none of his business. And I still, you know, I don't see anything wrong with if I were on the other side of the business, as you know, an
adult in adult entertainment film star. But he assumed that's what it was, and he went off on some spiel, some tangent about how you know, like negative that is and you know, not not great for you know, myself or my family. I didn't correct him. I just sort of like the smile and nod like a yea, yeah. He gave me an ultimatum. He said, you can't do this and be a member of the church. It just
doesn't work. Those two things just don't coexist. You can have your career and your life, or you can come and attend and be one of us, basically, And he asked me if that's you know, do you want to still attend and do you want to be a member? And is this what you want? And I said yes, you know, I just wanted to think.
I just wanted him out of my house.
I'm thinking towards the end of the conversation, I'm thinking, wait a minute, why are wait, why are you here right now?
Why did I let you come over again?
But you're conditioned from a young age because in the Mormon Church, you have to you you attend an annual meeting where you're asked questions about you know, your faith and if you still have the same beliefs that you did and if you've been living a pure life to get permission to go to the Mormon temple, So you can't just walk into the Mormon Temple. You have to have the recommendation from the bishop, and so you know you're you're if you're a member, then you're used to this.
You're used to asking for permission and wanting and needing acceptance, and so that's why. To anyone else, they're like, you know, why did you let him in your house? Like that's none of his business. But if you're used to that and having those conversations, then it's just sort of a knee jerk reaction to say, Okay, dad, yeah, you know, go over, we'll talk about it.
Right.
But yeah, Towards the end of that conversation, I'm like, wait a minute, this is really strange. This is not normal. Why are you here? This is none of your business.
You know.
I when I'm in attendance on Sunday, which I am every Sunday, I act normal, like I dress conservatively, I'm nice, I sit quietly and I listen and then I leave and I go home. So where it led from there was he wanted an update. Like every couple of weeks, he was texting me like, Hey, I'd really like to have an update from you. Where are we at with things? Because he wanted to know are you still continuing your shenanigans on on OnlyFans or have you changed your ways?
And of course I haven't changed my ways, making bank make a lot.
Of money, don't you. I don't you have to give ten percent of your income to the Mormon you but.
It's frowned upon, not too Yeah.
So if he wants his ten percent, then maybe he should let you do only right.
Yes, right, yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah, I thought it was dirty money.
Yeah.
So you know, he's really after me, wanting an update, and I didn't want to give it to him because I wanted to just do my thing and like leave me alone. Right. So I was moving to another state, and it was known because I was asking for help to carry furniture and do things and so, not him,
but other members in the church. So you know, the talk happened that Okay, she's moving, and he didn't want this to be I think what happened is he didn't want this to be another bishop's problem, because when you move, you have a record number you have, you have a record with the church. So if I move and I attend, they're going to ask, okay, what's your member I d and then they're going to find out and then we have to have that conversation. So I think he just thought,
let's just close business here. You're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. Your Instagram's still there, your account's still there, your your link is still in your bio, and so I'm just going to make the call. And so he took away my membership.
So he excommunicated you. Yes, yeah, you know.
It says in the letter, which I did get an official letter, that you know, I'm still welcome to attend, but I can't take part in sacrament. I can't attend the temple. I don't have any of the same privileges. So you're allowed to sit there in the pew and be shamed if you'd like to still attend, you know, if you'd still like to show up and have everyone stare at you because it's quiet, like if somebody passes gas two hundred, people are going to know. Like it's
quiet when you pass that bread in that water. Everyone is looking around, and everyone takes the bread in the water. But if I'm not allowed to, it's going to be noticed. Right if I don't, it's like I'm not, come on, this isn't I'm excommunicated.
I'm out. Yeah, yeah, So what did you do after that?
I moved and then I just I just went about my life and I started recently thinking about going back because I just wanted to like regroup, you know, restart my life, which I wasn't moving because of that. I wanted out of bad weather. But I'm glad I'm away. I mean, I don't want.
Those people as neighbors, right. Yeah, So.
I'm now because my kids, you know, they grew up attending every Sunday and it's kind of weird. It's like there's this hole and things are just different. And so I've thought about, well, maybe I do just go back and then I fight for my membership. I'm just not really sure what my move is going to be, but that's the potential.
How did you tell your kids that you were excommunicated? Do they know why?
My older daughter does, The younger one thinks we've been busy and.
I mean we're just not true.
Yeah, yeah, you know, and she's you know, busy with her friends, and you know, probably now is like, well okay, well actually I'm happy we're not.
Yeah.
I have study's free now.
Yeah, it's free. Now I can play roadblocks.
Yeah.
So did you think about like getting like when you got into only fans? Do you think about the church running out? Like neighbors finding out that stuff I did, but it.
Was worth it to me to just because I knew I believed in myself. I knew that I was going to be at the top on OnlyFans when like day one, I was like, it's happening. That's just who I am. I do something and I want to take it to the top.
Yeah.
So I thought about it, but I thought I would rather deal with that and have those consequences than not pursue what I want to do.
And do you feel like it's been worth it?
Oh?
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, it has been excommunicated from the church. Is that shaking your faith at all? Or is it as strong as ever?
Yeah?
I just think it's you know, it's hypocritical because everyone sins, right, this is a sin, but and he sends too. He's not perfect, he's human. So for him to decide that my sin is greater, that it's worse than his, for him to decide, well, I'm the judge and the jury and your sin that's dirty, mine is not. So I can still hold my position. That's hypocritical. And you're not the You're not Jesus like.
No, right, So you feel like maybe the organization around the Mormon church, like the people are perhaps not running it the way that they're misled, but you still have a strong faith, like staring Jesus and the message and all that.
Definitely, Yeah, none of that has changed. I just think that he's a little flawed, Yeah, and that the system is a little flawed.
Do you think that you would be welcomed back in a different church with the from pastor.
That's what I'm considering, Like maybe I can say my piece and we can.
Come to an understanding. Yeah.
Yeah, potentially free only fans memberships for everybody.
Yeah, hey, I'll show you a.
Peak three month subscription.
So you've also been reported to your HOA and judged by your neighbors. Yeah, so you're getting it from all sides. Yeah.
I have a funny story about my neighbor. Okay, crazy, I want to hear it. Yeah, so this loon that she's behind me, so we share a fence, and so here's my porch, and then her house is here. So I'll go out there and I'll make reels. I'm not doing anything crazy. I'm just being cute in my bikini sometimes lingerie. But like from a distance, you couldn't tell the difference between my lingerie top and a bikini because it's just like maybe it's a maroon full coverage, like not sheer top and panty.
I'm assuming that the fence is not super high and it's not like opaque like you can see through it.
Obviously you can't.
But so my house is sit My house is like kind of on a it's it's it's above, it's above.
Yeah.
So she's look when she looks, I'm up and her house is down here, gotcha. So I can see down onto her porch, she can see up to mine. So I'm out there one day and you know how you could just feel someone's eyes, right, I had my little tripod and I'm just you know, basically being cute Sie in the camera and I'm not like bouncing around and doing anything weird. I felt eyes. So I look over and she's, you know, she's definitely staring at me. And
so I thought, it's just your imagination, a holly. So I did what I needed to do, and I'm like, we'll see again. So but it's been several minutes and I look and she's still staring at me, and I'm like, Okay, don't think it's my imagination. I have like one more real to do. So a couple minutes go by and I look up again and she's still staring at me. I think she was thinking, like, if I give her the evil eye, she'll just she'll be uncomfortable and she'll
go inside. So I went inside because I'm done. Like that was my purpose. I needed to make some cute reels. Take a couple of pics on my deck. I'm going back inside. So I did, and I'm in a bikini. Take my bikini top off, and I'm in my I'm in my dining room in my house. I take it off and I set something down and I looked over and she's still staring at me. And she's like she's like this on her counter, and she's like, I mean it's kind of hard to see because there's a glare.
I can definitely tell her she's staring at me. And so of course I'm like, now I'm staring at you because I'm thinking, wait, why are we staring right now?
Right? Is that? What UD thinking?
Right?
Why is this going up? What's going on?
Like yeah, yeah, And then she grabs her phone. Come to find out, she called the neighbors to say that I'm like to complain that I made eye contact over the fence line at her, and that I went in my house and took my top off for her, like wanting her to watch me, that I like seductively took it off, and that I'm basically like, right, yes, you're the peeping tom.
Yeah, so she I'm.
So sorry, officer, but I had my nose pressed against her window in the middle of the night and then she got undressed in front of me, and yeah, you know, but she's the perpetrator.
Yes, yeah, you're the peeping tom. I know. And I don't know who she's blown in the neighborhood that they all like, oh, you know, like I thinks she's the victim because she saw me naked.
You're looking at my window.
Yeah yeah, So she's talking crap to all the neighbors about how like I'm this pervert and she called someone called the age away m hm and made complaints that I'm outside in my bikini and I mean, it doesn't bother me.
It's just so did the age A call you? No, they didn't, that would because we're I.
Know, isn't that crazy?
Like what do you think?
They're the morality police for the neighborhood, Like, what do you think they're going to do?
Oh, no, she's in a bikini. So are you you have a pool lunatic? Yeah? Yeah, so how is that?
We just like no one talks up no one. Yeah, I'm just like, no one wants to talk to me. I'll drive through the neighborhood or walk and people are like, They're like so uncomfortable, it's so weird.
Like make you feel like you want to move.
I'll do whatever, Like I'm not uncomfortable and I have zero shame, but I have to for the sake of my kids. I have to go to our neighborhood pool like at like seven am because my kids there will be consequences for them if I cause a stir, So I have to keep a low profile. And like, I only want to move because I'm like, okay, I just need my own pool so that I don't have to get up at seven am to make reels. If i'd sit noon or you know, whatever I want to do
at my pool, I can do. But I have to just keep the low key profile because of the kids. So because of that reason, yes, but not because I like care what they think or I'm like what you're boring, Like you don't have a life. You think I want to hang out with you anyways, No, we have nothing in common.
Has this affected you're like anything with your kids? Do they have struggles at school or anything like that? Does anyone, Like.
You've just been a couple of uncomfortable, like tough conversations like why do you have to do this? Mom? I'm like, you like those shoes, lying's house, you like the vacation, That's why?
Right?
Yeah, right, they could take it back, change things, but overall, like they have all had trouble, like you know, like like it hasn't caused them. They haven't had issues themselves prior to moving. Yes, my older daughter was bullied. I popped up on TikTok. I was live on TikTok and one of her friends did see, and of course they went to my Instagram and then it was.
All bad from there. They can't get on to OnlyFans, but they can see the link.
They can see what I do, and so they did give her a hard time and that was during middle school and that was awful. Since moving, though, we really haven't had those issues. But she knows about the neighbor thing and I think there is one other kid in the neighborhood. And he saw me with a tripod in my front door and he put two and two together and he didn't raz her about it. He just asked about it. So thankfully that's been okay. Yeah, so it's
it's okay. But there have been a couple of conversations, like I said, like, why do you have to do this, mom, because you like money as much as I do.
What we have to do my daughter, I like it. My daughter starts public school this year, and I'm like, I don't know, I just it's funny because so you know, with public school, they ask for all kinds of volunteer help from the parents and stuff like that. And one of the positions was a photographer, like class photographer, and
you know, I'm a photographer. I'm a very good photographer, and I know a lot about photography and I you know, And so my husband was like, oh, you should, you should do that, like you because he was also like, if you're not the photographer, all you're gonna do is criticize whoever becomes the photographer.
Right, Like that's true. But then I was thinking about it.
I was like, the problem is is that at some point someone's going to eventually find out what I do and it's going to be weird, and a parent's going to complain, and then a teacher is going to have to come to me and be like, hey, sorry, we found out that you shoot porn. We cannot allow you to, you know, be the class photographer for like the preschool, which is like insane amazing.
Saying like, what do you think I'm going to do? Show them my work? Yeah?
I mean it's like, first of all, it's it's all in a public space. It's at the school, yeah, right, Like And second of all, to think that I'm like some sexual deviant is is bananas? Yes, Like it's you know, I mean And if anything, I was saying about this the other day, if anybody understands consent and bodily autonomy, it's me.
Yeah, you know, like people don't like the.
Adult industry is we are very especially like you know, at the level that I work at, we're very concerned with consent and like, you know, autonomy, And I'm very like, yeah, I'm very aware of those things.
And like the fucking children, like.
Right, this is quiet exactly. It's if suddenly you don't have a brain, and like, like, you can't. Can't you know, be professional? Right, it's just because of what you do, right, Yeah.
And it's just like, and it's sad because I knew I was going to come up against this at some point and it hasn't happened yet.
This is the imaginary thing that's coming up in my head.
But I'm just like, I know, if I put myself in that position, I feel like it's going to backfire on me and then it's going to be really hurtful.
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, And I just like I don't want to put myself in that position. So yeah, I think I'm going to have to let somebody else take shitty photos of the kids and.
I'll just have to judge from back here. Yeah, not where you put that light lady.
Right, Yeah, you could just say you could just say to her. I mean two things, One you could you could take the chance, or two you could go to her and be like, hey, I couldn't. I was too busy to take this on, but hey, I I took some photography classes and I can give you some tips.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's gonna be an interesting world to navigate. But I mean, you know, I do live in LA. People are a lot more open here.
They are. It's very real different.
Yeah, I haven't really like faced too much vitriol for what I do. It just I've never I've never navigated this road.
As a mom.
Yeah, yeah, you know right.
And it's like I grew up in this industry as the daughter of pornographers. I mean that's what my parents. There was no backlash, right, well, but the Internet didn't exist. Oh, you're right, you're right, people about you know. I mean if somebody, first of all, if you knew who Susan Randall was, then you were like a big fan of porn, like to know who the photographer was.
You know then yeah, so that was like not common.
But to recognize her like you know, at an event, like then you're like crazy super fan, Like that's so uncommon. But now you know, everybody's on the internet. I mean you found me because I pucked up on your instagra. Yeah, you know, and the way phones talk to each other. Who knows that I'm just going to be like next to a mom. And then just like it does recommend yeah, people that are near you.
Yes, it does.
When you first post something, it pushes out to those in your local area. It does well, then it goes further. Yeah, so yeah, your neighbors are seeing your stuff.
You know, my neighbors are cool.
Like the neighborhood that I live in is like this eclectic kind of like school art community full of a lot of people in the entertainment business. They are totally fine, they are awesome. I have no worries about that.
It's just maybe those moms.
It's the school environment that I'm concerned about. Yeah, maybe I'm just I don't know, maybe I'm just boring.
We'll find out.
Yeah, yeah, I'm normal. I know we're normal. I know talk about Dix a lot, but I won't do that at.
School, right, I promise.
What would you say to women, especially moms who feel conflicted about embracing their sexuality.
Say, like, as far as like wanting to be in the industry, Like if someone is hesitant, I feel.
Just like embracing your sexuality in general, just like being a sexual woman. You know, it doesn't necessarily have to mean that you're in the industry. Maybe just you know, deciding to like forage into like role play with your husband or maybe letting your husband take sexy pictures of you,
or taking sexy pictures of yourself or your husband. It doesn't have to be anything public facing, but just like getting out of that place where you think like a woman always has to be pure and demure and you want to think that Apparently I don't know those people.
I hear they're out there.
I know, I hear they're out there. Yeah, I think it's good for your self esteem. I think that maybe uncomfortable at first, not for me, but for some Apparently it's uncomfortable to you know, to get in lingerie or to take sexy pictures, even if you're not going to post them, and that's not your intention. Yeah, it's it's something that will become comfortable and then you'll feel more
comfortable in your own skin. And I think to be intimate you need to first and for that to go well right for you to enjoy yourself, you do need to feel comfortable with yourself. If you don't feel attractive,
then you're not gonna have a good time. So I think that that can really help, you know, just kind of if there's something that a woman wants to do, like wants to start wearing lingerie or wants to start, you know, taking pictures, or having her husband take pictures, or you know, being more vocal in the bedroom, you know, like any of those things.
But those are self esteem builders.
So I think, you know, just go for it and then slowly you'll get more comfortable and then those boundaries will be pushed a little more.
What advice would you give to moms who want to get into the industry but are maybe afraid of judgment or just feel like maybe they're too old or they're too late to the game.
Yeah, well, you're definitely not too late, because I think I've said twice so far in this podcast that MILF is the number one searched That's that's the number one search is MILF.
Yeah.
Guys like a mature, experienced woman that knows what she wants.
They like it.
It's attractive. Confidence is attractive. So it's not necessarily you know, twenty years old it's attractive anymore. It's it's the confidence knowing what you want and going out and doing it that guys like that.
They love it.
I think, you know, be ready to work hard, because, as I said, this is not easy. So it's like starting any other business, so you have to get your act together. But if you have your act together and you're willing to work hard and work smart and do your research and be comfortable putting yourself out there. I mean, the sky's the limit for your career, and there really
isn't an age limit, So I say do it. And if you're worried about what people are going to think, you do have to weigh that out, you know, am I. You have to just be prepared and just know that at some point you're going to face that that backlash or family members could be upset with you and not want to talk to you. You have to be okay with that. I personally made the decision that if that happens,
I'm good like you. If you're going to say that you know, for some reason you don't think I'm the same person anymore, just because I do this for a living, then I don't need to talk to you and we're okay.
What would you tell your former freshly grieving self one thing, considering where you are to.
I've never been asked that question. I never really thought about that my former grieving self. What would I tell myself? Maybe that I didn't believe.
Then that I know now.
That what I think my weaknesses are now are going to become superpowers later.
And you.
That time will reveal how that's going to work. So the things that are hard now and where my weaknesses are, that those that'll actually excel in those areas, and that I'll take where I'm weak and what I'm going through and the tragedies that I'm going through and somehow that will open up more doors for me and more opportunities and that really good things will happen. And I never believed that, Like for example, it actually opened up the
doors for me to do this right. I never thought that I would fit into this industry or that I would have a window of opportunity to do it, and so I decided to which did help rebuild my self esteem and to show myself that, oh I'm capable of a lot of things on my own, and I can do anything I want to do, which gave me the confidence to write a book. I just wrote a book and I just recorded the audible about my experience with my husband. Okay, yeah, so I wrote a book for
those going through a similar process. It's it is a memoir, but it's also like a self help book. So I just finished that and I never thought that I would be able to do that, or that I'd be in a good enough place.
To do it. So do you have a title for it yet?
I do, I haven't launched it yet. It's the hardest help. So helping a loved one through alcoholism.
Oh wow, yeah, that's awesome. You know I'm seven years ober, are you okay? So I have trudged that road.
Yeah.
Well, And so my book is for this like the spouse or the family member because as you know, like they need to learn how to help you, but not in a controlling way, like it has to be a sub so for them to have the tools to support you.
Yeah, right, No, I put my family through hell yeah, and my husband too. My husband and I actually met when I was because I had seven years and then I relapsed and I was took me like normal four years, yeah to get back, and I was struggling in my relapse trying to get sober again when I met my husband, And I don't know why he stayed with me, because I was not.
The best version of myself at the time.
But I don't know. He said that he saw something in me. He was like, this is the only thing that is wrong with you. And he's like, I know, you can overcome it, and he's like without you know, you're perfect otherwise, and he stuck with it.
And I just celebrated seven years a week ago.
Wow, that's awesome.
Another seven years, so yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, so cool. You can get you can do it too, well, that's amazing.
Do you know where people will be able to get the book or should they just follow you on social media?
Pell me on social.
Media because I'll definitely have updates. I haven't mentioned it at all on social media because it's you know, I spent a year preparing for this, and I just that's why I'm in LA. I was recording the audible. Okay, I just finished that, and so it's out in September, and so when I have the website up, which I'll have about a week of the website up and then we'll do pre orders and I'll have that available. It comes out in September to mid September.
It'll come out.
Yeah, well, by the time this episode actually comes out, like on all the platforms, it'll be more than a week from now.
So it sounds like your website will probably probably.
Yeah, the hardest help dot Com and and can just follow me on Instagram because I'll have updates on there.
Fantastic. Well, Holly, thank you so much for joining us.
Oh, I do have one Patreon question for you that I don't I don't want to skip over.
We'll just include it as a bon and this segment.
Normally I do a separate segment for Patreon questions, but lucky you guys, you're going to get this one for free. And if you're a Patreon member, you can send in questions for my guests as well. So this one is from Strawberry Mew okay, and he asks, how is your understanding and approach to identity and authenticity evolved over the last two years.
I always from the date from day one, because you know, entering into this business, I did follow some other creators and models and I noticed, okay, some have like a character or you know, they're like in this niche, this is my niche. And I thought, you know, I'm just coming in as Holly and we're going to have a good time.
Yeah.
So I yeah, I never did that. I just came in as myself, like if I in the morning, just wake up and my hair's a mess. But you know, I'm nude, and I think, well, they won't care. I snap a pick and I post it. You know, I've I really from day one decided that they're going to kind of see everything, and that's how I want it to be. So I kind of want it to be sort of like blog like, hey, I just woke up and my hair's crazy.
Good morning.
Yeah, and then you know, midday, I'm more done up, and this is what I'm wearing, and these are the reels I'm making. This is what I'm doing, and so I look cuter and you know, and then before bed it look kind of crazy again, but here it is.
Yeah.
So I've just from day one, I made that decision that they're coming here to see me, and they're real me.
So here you go.
Yeah, so you really like take people through your whole day on only fans, and it's like it's almost like a journal, like a vog Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely, yeah, And I'll post. I'll just and it doesn't matter what I look like. I'll take a little video and say, you know, well maybe in the morning and say, well, this is what I'm doing today. I hope you're having to just talk to the camera like you know, they're standing here in front of me. That's what I'm doing today, and this is the plan. And I hope you're having a good day. Message me, and I'm still answering messages even though I'm doing blah blah blah.
Right, and then I'll just fucking away. I'm getting on a video first thing in the morning without a filter, like.
Yeah, and then you know, later in the day, maybe I'm, you know, at the pool and I'll you know, snap a selfie and I'm at the pool and it's just yeah, exactly what you said, like like a blog.
Yeah, I cannot get myself into like that habit. Like I know that that's like the thing that people want to see and that's what gets you. But you gotta know you got it, Like and I'm just like I cannot get myself into that mindset.
I just I don't know, I just can't.
Yeah, I'm just like it's I think it's just like a you just have to get yourself in that headspace or I need to like hire someone to follow me just.
Take pictures of me, because I just like I won't do it.
Yeah, I think, you know, in the beginning, it was like, Okay, I have to schedule this and then eventually it just sort of becomes the habit.
Yeah.
Yeah, I should probably also try not to have like six other.
Jobs, right, Yeah, you're like a little too much. That also makes it difficult. Yes, you have a lot on your plate.
Yeah, anyways, and this podcast is one of them. Thank you guys so much for watching it. So, Holly, can you let everybody know where they can find you online?
Please? Yes?
Well, let's see, I'll rattle off two of my instruments.
Instagram.
You know, it's the real Holly j So, the real Holly.
With a J.
That's one of my main accounts. Holly dot Jane dot Johnston is one of my accounts, and the other one is is it Holly Holly dot Jane Underscore XO or Holly dot Johnston Underscore XO.
One of those? And then what about your only fans?
It's your direct only fans length if they just want to go straight there.
My handle on OnlyFans is blush When I say this, Holly Jane loves six' Nine Oh, spicy and My twitter Is Holly jane four sixt'.
Nine SO i GUESS i don't need to ask you what your favorite position.
Is thank you one of them at least for the.
Play and you guys can find me On instagram At Holly. RANDALL i also started a Modeling. Instagram AS i was Telling holly earlier That i'm bad at, updating it's, Exo holly, snaps it's just so work on That i'm gonna give it to.
Her she's gonna do it.
Otherwise i'm On twitter At Holly, randall and of course you can go to hollylinks to get access to all of my, Platforms, patreon dot, Com, Slash Holly, randall and. Filtered to support this, podcast watch these interviews streamed, live and thank you guys so much for being. Here thank you for your, support AND i will see you you on the next.
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