On this episode, let's talk about how as she approaches orgasm, it is both the most important time and the hardest time to have stamina and control. This is the Holistic Alpha Male Optimization Podcast where we help you unleash your true power as a man. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. I'm Stephen Mathis. Thanks for being a part of the tribe. Welcome. If you just found the show recently, I'm glad that we've somehow crossed paths. Let's talk about sex.
Having control, having better sex, having our partner be able to lean into the fullness of her sexuality to be able to carry her into the places where we both want her to go. Right. The guys that I know want their partner to have amazing experiences and amazing sex just like they want to experience that themselves. And for that to happen, we need to be able to have stamina and control up until and through the point at which our partner has
orgasms. And that moment, or rather that sort of series of moments approaching the time when she is about to have an orgasm. It is the hardest time to have control because we've got to remember. One of the things that we must understand with sex is that there is a constant exchange of energy. This is one of the reasons why I feel so good. It's one of the reasons why it can be so empowering, so healing. There is a constant flow of energy where we are giving energy to our partner.
Our partner is giving energy to us, and we're both pulling from this unlimited well, this limitless well of energy from the universe. We both kind of pull from that and give to each other. So when one person is approaching orgasm, their energy is going to rise and their energy is going to get more intense and thus the energy that's going into the other person is going to have similar
kind of changes. So when your partner is approaching orgasm and her energy starts to build, more of that energy is also going to be coming into you. So it's not just a psychological thing, because there is also that aspect where it's very easy to kind of get caught up in the mind about the fact that maybe she's about to have an orgasm and, and that can be kind of disconnecting.
But on a very real energetic level, regardless of what our mind is doing, even if we're 100% present as a normal course of things happening and as a beautiful part of things happening, as she approaches orgasm, that energy rises and gets more intense. The same thing it's going to flow through to you. So it's going to be harder to have control in that time and it is absolutely the most important. We want to be able to stay strong and carry through those moments.
And I know that it's something that a lot of guys struggle with. It is something I've heard from a lot of men where they might have good control up until that point. And then often that can be the point that can kind of take them over the edge as well, which may result in an OK or a good experience, but it sometimes results in something less than what guys feel it could be if they could maintain control through that. And you absolutely can learn to do that.
There's a couple of broad strokes kind of approaches to this. One is focusing on building our stamina overall, right? Getting familiar with how our body works, getting familiar with being able to relax even when we're erect, relax even when we're aroused, stay relaxed even when we're at a high arousal level or edging
practice. All of the things that we can do day-to-day and over the long term to build our stamina, our knowledge of our body, our ability to guide our body and the energy flowing within it. All of those practices. And then the other part is actually thinking about the moment and the the situation itself, because we can also approach it a little bit more mindfully that way and help
ourselves in the process. O if we understand that this is going to be the case, that it's going to be more intense energetically for us, then what we probably want to do as a start, as we want to pay attention to where we are in terms of our arousal before she starts to build into that or as she starts to build into that in the early stages, right?
You can kind of, if you're listening and paying attention and really connected with your partner in a deep way, which I hope you are and continually working on. It's not a yes, no, right? But ideally we're connected as deeply with our partner as we can be. And you're probably going to sense that that is starting to build. And as it starts to build, is the time to kind of check in and say, OK, I don't really want mine to build at this same time unless you're intending to
release. If you're intending to ejaculate to have an orgasm and ejaculate at the exact same time, then obviously this isn't really going to apply. But if that's not your intention, then as soon as you recognize that that's starting to build for your partner, you want to immediately be in a place of maintaining control,
right? So ideally, we don't want to get pulled up into that 8-9 kind of close range when she's getting pulled up into that 8-9 close kind of range because it's going to be very hard to maintain control. So we're much better off kind of getting ahead of it a little bit applies to lots of areas of life. For example, having a good morning, a productive morning, a productive start today often starts the night before.
And in this situation, having stamina and control through these moments where we can carry her through that, it often starts a little bit before where we maintain, we we establish kind of a foundation of control that we can stay with throughout that. Because what you'll likely find is that if you start to get to that 8-9 and she starts to get to that 8-9, it's going to be very hard to to not only
maintain that, but to come down. You're not going to really be able to lower your arousal level at the same time she's raising it. Maybe. I mean, it's possible, but it's going to be very, very difficult. What is much more doable is you being at that, let's say 7 out of 10 kind of area and you maintain that A6 or A7 and you maintain that through her having an orgasm. That's the way that we can have better control. So we've got to do the work, the practices, day-to-day, month to month.
Over the long term, we've got to keep stacking the bricks. Inner edging practice practicing your kegels, practicing relaxing your root muscle, connecting with your root muscle, having some consciousness of it throughout the day, coming back to a place of relaxation, practicing relaxed erections as much as possible, maintaining a state of relaxation when you're aroused, when you're having sex, when you're edging as much as possible, other than when we very specifically pull energy
up, right? So let's take a very brief moment here to address the fact that we don't want to stay relaxed 100% of the time. We do want to squeeze and pull some of that energy up, but we do it in an intentional way at very specific times, not as just a habitual all the time kind of thing. Because if we're habitually all the time, kind of in that squeeze mode, when you're erect, when you're having sex, when you're edging, that's what's going to limit the amount of control that you have.
Where is the more we can find a place of relaxation as the base, as the foundation, you're going to have much better control then you pull when you intentionally want to. And when you establish that base of relaxation, you'll be able to apply it much better to these kinds of moments.
One of the things that I found in a lot of conversations is that it's very easy to get caught up in the moment that things kind of go awry or the moment that things maybe don't go as awesomely as we would hope when it comes to our sexuality. And the, the solution to that often is well before, right? It's in our day-to-day practices. It's in the foundation of how we approach things within ourselves before we ever go and approach those same things with a
partner. It's getting comfortable with our own energy before we try to expect ourselves to be able to be at a high level in terms of exchanging energy with someone else and having stamina and control. It's the foundational things and we've got to remember that. That's the place to look, right? We got to rewind a couple steps and that applies to this situation as well.
So next time you're having sex, as you can sense that this is a simple action step basically other than the day-to-day stuff, as you're having sex, as you can sense your partner start to kind of build early on. It's a nip it in the bud kind of thing early on. Immediately come to a place of relaxation in your root muscle. Come to a place of relaxation in your breath, connect with your breath, maybe close your nose or close your mouth, excuse me, and come back to nasal breathing.
The last thing I'll add is I've talked about it a couple of times before, but if you haven't heard me or as a reminder, a brief but powerful exhale through the mouth can actually be a very potent way to bleed off some extra energy, right? So if you're at that, let's say 8 and you really want to come down to A7 as opposed to going up to a nine, being in nasal breathing the majority of the time will help you stay in a place of relaxation in your nervous system.
So that's the place we want to be. But again, kind of like the squeeze, when we squeeze and draw energy up, we want that to be at very intentional kind of times and exhale through the mouth. Same thing when we do it at an intentional time, it can be very effective. We don't want to get in mouth breathing all the time because that'll actually make it harder for you to have control because it puts your nervous system in
kind of fight or flight state. But as you're approaching specific moments, you can kind of like breathe some of that off, breathe some extra energy off with those big exhales, and then come back to nasal breathing. So get ahead of this issue as it's approaching, you'll have a much better time controlling it. I'd love to hear your thoughts, your feedback, your experiences with this.
For sure, keep doing the work. One thing that I have heard from a lot of men who have had a challenge with having control and stamina, which is, let's face it, pretty much the vast majority of men, at least at certain points and some more than others, but almost all men, it's an issue that we care about sometimes an issue that men struggle with.
Certainly, if that is you, and if you're in a place where it feels kind of hopeless, maybe it's been a long time or you haven't really made a lot of progress, stick with it because I promise, I absolutely promise, you can make changes. I've seen men make huge changes in this after decades with no improvement whatsoever. So you can do it as well, and maybe it's already good. Just want to get a little bit better. I think we can always get better. We can always be better men.
We can show up more effectively, more powerfully in every aspect of our life that includes sex. Keep stacking those bricks. We'll talk to you soon.