On this episode, how growth is actually a process of inclusion and incorporating those negative parts of you, not a process of getting rid of them or excluding parts of what you were or how you've been or what you feel. It's not about exclusion, it's about inclusion. This is the Holistic Alpha podcast where you unlock your potential, elevate your life on a foundation of empowered sacred sexuality. Hey guys, welcome back to the show on Stephen Mathis.
Thanks for being here with me, being part of this tribe. If you're here, since you're here, you're working on growing, you know, at some point, you're on some point in your journey might be like 17 years old, you're super early on injured and you might be 68 years old or anywhere in between or outside of that range. And you might be thinking about or really focused on any of countless particular aspects of your life. But you're on a path of growth.
And as we grow, one of the biggest things that we think about when it comes to growth is looking at areas where we come up shore or where we think we're not good enough or negative habits that we have those sorts of things. We look at growth sometimes as this process of like eliminating those things. So let's say that you have the habit of interacting with porn on a regular basis. Let's say you're in that porn, masturbation, ejaculation kind
of pattern right now, right? Very easy to look at that and say, oh, well, the porn is this negative thing or that porn habit is this negative thing. I got to get rid of that. I got to get rid of that part of me. But here's the thing, it's really not about that. Because everything that comes to us in our life, every aspect of who we are, every action that we take, every belief and emotion that we have inside of us, they are all stepping stones.
So if we look at, for example, that porn, masturbation, ejaculation habit, if you look at that as something to get rid of, in essence, what you're doing is you're taking one of those stones out of your path. You will slow down your path of growth by looking at it as something to get rid of. It's not something to get rid of. It's not something to exclude from who you are. It's something to actually look at and to include and to incorporate in who you are in a powerful way, right?
So that habit, that porn, masturbation, ejaculation habit that is here to teach you something. It is here to help you learn lessons. It is here to help you grow in particular ways. It is indeed a stepping stone on that path that you're on. So instead of trying to jump over it or instead of trying to get rid of it and actually slow yourself down, look at it, step into it, step onto it with your whole heart and your mind and your intention and be aware of what it's trying to teach you,
right? This is bringing something to your life. It doesn't matter what it is, right? It might be that you haven't exercised in a long time, so you're out of out of shape, you're overweight, right? That's not something to get rid of. It's something that is here to teach you. Let me give you another example. Let's say that your erections kind of suck right now and you're a little bit bummed out because sometimes they're OK.
Sometimes they're not OK. Sometimes you start to have sex and your erections OK at the beginning and then it goes away or whatever version of that, right? I know a lot of guys have problems with that at times. Guess what? You know what? That's here to teach you. It's here to teach you ways that you can improve your erection. It's here to teach you what is actually affecting that. It's here to give you the opportunity to test and tweak things in your life and figure
out what makes it better. It's here to teach you techniques and practices in terms of mindful edging and joking and things that can help improve your erection. It's here to give you the opportunity to learn those things. If your erections were perfectly fine, you would have no motivation, no desire to learn
those other things. Every single brick that is in front of you on the path, every single brick that makes up who you are right now, even the ones that you don't like, even the ones that you feel like they're dragging you down, they're not something to get rid of. There's something to include and incorporate into who you are. So there's a conscious kind of thinking aspect of this. There's also an emotional aspect. And in both of those, it's really about actually being with these things.
One thing that I always remind myself of is what we resist persists, right? So if we're resisting some part of us, the more and the harder that we resist that, the more we are actually diving deeper into it, the more that it sticks around. Let me ask you, let's go back to the porn, masturbation, ejaculation habit, whether that's now or is previously in your life. Did getting really upset at yourself and just wishing that part of you would go away? Did that ever work or is that
working for you now? If that's where you are right now, probably not. You know what works? Actually being with it and diving into an understanding of, well, why do I have that response? When does it get triggered? Why do I go down that path instead of choosing another path that is incorporating that is
inclusion. That's looking at this thing that's part of you, or that's been part of your experience, or it's been actions that you've taken to looking at that and actually being with it. Hey, let's check each other out. I want to learn about you. I want to learn what you're here to teach me. I don't need to get rid of you. We're stronger together, just like you and I are stronger
together. So on the path of growth, remember, I know that when we have things that we know are big negative in our life or do we feel a lot of shame or guilt about, it is very easy. I think the natural human response is to kind of look at those as things that we need to get rid of somehow. Or it might even be something like sadness, right? Something ends or relationship, something ends in your life and you have a sadness that's here, that's sadness. That's not something to get rid
of either. It's not a bad thing. It's not something you need to exclude from your life in order to move on. It's something to actually be with and to again, learn the lessons and have some curiosity about what is this thing here to teach me? Because every single thing, they're all here to teach us something. Really, they're here to teach us a lot of things if we really pay attention. I support you. I'm sending you good vibes of growth and power. Keep stacking positive bricks.
There is no part of you that is broken. There is no part of you that is wrong. There is no part of you that you need to get rid of. Be with all of you and then choose which parts do you prefer, right? What are the parts of you that you want to grow? What are the parts of you that you're grateful for that you want to expand? That's the process of growth. You don't need to get rid of anything of who you are. Incorporate it, learn from it.
We'll keep growing together. Sending you guys good vibes. Have an amazing rest of your day. Talk to you soon divedeeper@holisticalpha.com.