- After dementia diagnosis, connecting with others can look pretty different. Your relationship with your friends or your loved ones can change, sometimes into unexplored or exciting directions. Some of my friends have done courses, they want to talk about it, while others find it really hard to talk about. I'm Jim Rogers, and this is Hold the Moment, a podcast from Dementia Australia. In our episode on relationships, you'll meet Anthony, who's been dating someone new since his diagnosis.
And you'll meet Dom, who found her relationship with her dad changed quite a bit while she was caring for him. In this bonus episode, an advisor talks about navigating connections with others. - I'm Kristin, an advisor on the National Dementia Helpline. When you call us, you'll speak to someone like me. We're available 24-hours a day, every day of the year. We're a free service, and you can talk about anything that's on your mind.
After a diagnosis of dementia, you might feel like so many things are going to change, and one of the ones you might be really worried about is the changes in your relationship with your partner.
If you're worried about how your relationship's going to change, or maybe you've already noticed that it has, and you want to talk to somebody about that, Dementia Australia offers support on the helpline or with counselling, so that you and your partner can talk about how you're both feeling, and talk about ways that you can make things a little better, maybe even a little fun as you go. Nobody wants to feel like a burden, especially to their loved ones.
It could be really helpful to let your loved ones know that that's how you feel, and you might be surprised at the response they have. They might not realise that that's how you feel, and there might be some ways that they can offer to help you or support you that are a little different, that maybe make you feel a bit more empowered, or a bit more in control of things.
Also, your loved one might just tell you that they love you and that they don't mind, and that might be enough to remind you that you're still important to them, and that they value you just like you are. It can be really difficult when you find out that you've got a diagnosis of dementia, and you really want to reach out to the people that you love, your friends and family, but it feels like they're pulling away.
I've spoken to a number of friends who call the helpline because they don't know what to say to the person who they love, who's just been diagnosed with dementia. And often, I'll ask them, "What do you usually talk to the person about?" And you know, maybe it's footy, or maybe it's flowers, or maybe it's a joke that you've always had, and I encourage them to just start there. So if you find your friends pulling back, you could invite them into one of the things you've always shared.
Invite them along fishing, if that's what you've always done, and what they'll see is that you're still you, and you still like fishing, and you might still make bad jokes. One thing that might make it easier for your friends is to let them know how they can be with you, how they can make the friendship work easier. So maybe at golf, it's hard for you to write the score, your friend can do that for you, and you can let them know that.
It can be really tricky at any stage of life to meet new people, make new friends. It might feel even trickier, now that you've got a diagnosis of dementia. What I'd say is, "How have you made friends in the past?" Think about that, were you a football player before? Maybe you could find someone to watch football with. Did you like knitting? Maybe you could join a local knitting group, meet some other people who have the same interest as you.
And when you're making new friends, you don't have to tell them right away, "I have dementia". It's okay to talk to them about anything else you'd want to talk about. Tell them your name, tell them your favourite food, tell them what you like to do on the weekend. Eventually, it might come up, just like anything else would in conversation. Some people living with dementia feel like it's a great time to try something new. Have you always wanted to join a choir?
Now's a great time to try that new activity and meet some new people while you're doing it. Have you always wanted to paint with oil, never known where to start? Your local council might have different activities that you could try, and you'll meet new people at those activities who have similar interests. One of the aspects about your relationships that might be changing is the sexual relationship. You might be wondering about navigating consent, now that you've got a diagnosis of dementia.
As your relationship with your partner evolves and changes, you might be wondering, "Is it still okay to have sex?" Of course it is. If you are interested and the person that you're with is interested, you can get up to anything that you both feel is safe and comfortable. If you want to talk more about anything you've heard on this episode, like navigating new territory in your relationships, you can contact the National Dementia Helpline on 1800 100 500.
We're available 24-hours a day, every day of the year. Give us a call.