Ep179 - Self-Love List: 11 Ways to HUG it Out with Yourself (Bonus Guided Havening Experience)

It's a month that's filled with partnership and relationships and love, but it got me thinking about the most important relationship, which is the one with self. So we're shifting focus a bit here. A little love note from me to you, and I'm going to share with you 11 ways to be kind to your mind, to hug it out with yourself and practice some self love.

And the last one is really a treat, something I've never done before and I've never done before on this podcast, rather and if you know me well enough, you'll recognize what we're going to do, and maybe you've taken part in it before. But I'm going to leave you with one way that you can truly put the healing in your hands, if that's a hint.

But before we hit that list, I want you to do me a favor Be sure to subscribe like comment wherever you're tuning into this podcast, your thoughts really do matter. I do read your messages and I want you to kind of be a part of the process, like a producer of Holistically Speaking. Let me know who you want on the show, what topics you want me to cover, let me know what you want to see and be done differently, because I am listening, I am tuning in myself and I want to hear what you have to say.

Okay, let's dive into 11 ways that you can embrace and celebrate you this month and going forward. I want you to, number one, start your day with affirmations. They say your morning sets the tone for the day. Take a moment each morning to look in the mirror and say something kind to yourself. Affirmations like I am worthy, I am enough, I am safe, I am loved, I am caring. Who is it about you?

These are powerful tools to build confidence and self-worth, and I say this a lot to those that I'm working with my clients I even remind myself of this as well and friends and family, that the most important sentence is I am. It's what follows that really matters, because you can go in a different direction. Right, that negative self-talk, that inner bully, can really step in. So be conscious and aware of what words are following I am. Make them positive.

Set your day with those affirmations and see what happens, all right. Number two create a self-love journal. Now, if you're not into journaling, that is okay. This is more about dedicating things to this, the pages that are things that you are grateful for about you, what makes you unique, and the moments that you feel proud about things that you've done, proud of yourself. Trust me, it is therapeutic and it helps you recognize your value in the world.

And really, that is the G in the H-U-G of hug it out, the gratitude towards self. And this is an area that a lot of people. When I talk to people about the gratitude, the self-gratitude, they're like I never thought about that before. I don't really do that enough. So make that a challenge for you to really practice the G in the hug it out. Challenge for you to really practice the G in the hug it out, which is bringing awareness to the things that you offer in this world. You'd be surprised.

You really would. Okay, I want you to treat yourself to a solo date. That's number three. Who says that dates are only for couples? Who says that dates are only for couples. Take yourself out, whether it is a cozy cafe or a museum or just taking a walk or a movie night or just staying at home and enjoying some favorite snacks. This is really a time to nurture your relationship with you. It doesn't have to be anything major.

Solo time is so important and there really is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Learn how to be alone. Learn to find the joy in those moments. You showed up in this world that way. You're going to leave this world that way, so really, that time in between the bookends really does matter. Find happiness and joy in the time you spend with self. Number four is declutter that space. Okay, I know this is a big one and some of you are like, oh, that's going to be hard to do.

I have so much stuff and I love my stuff and I get it. But just you know, let's think about it. It is stuff, right? A cluttered space often equals a cluttered mind. They talk about that a lot in psychology, even in feng shui. Spend time organizing and tidying up your space, letting go of items that no longer serve you, that you don't need anymore, are broken, because think about how the psychology of that is going to impact you.

Keeping the broken things around, the things that are cluttering your space. It can be very freeing and symbolic. And also, when you're making room for things to come into your space, imagine what can happen. You can actually make more room for love if you're single and if you're looking for partnership. So think about it. Declutter that space. Number five is a big one. I hear this one a lot. I want you to set healthy boundaries. Self-love means protecting your peace.

Learn to say no to others if it means saying yes to yourself. We are people pleasers in this world, are we not? Especially those of you who tune into this show. I know what you're like, so I want you to think about yourself first. It's not selfish. It's actually essential, because anything that is draining your energy, anything that's not serving your well-being, draining your energy, anything that's not serving your well-being should not be in your space.

So set those boundaries for yourself, and that is the ultimate act. Of self-love is putting you first. Number six move your body. Now, we've had some episodes about this, on Holistically Speaking right, and for good reason. Movement is a form of self-respect, whether it is yoga or dancing in your living room, maybe even trying something new. A brisk walk in nature can be great too. Find ways that make you feel alive and energized.

It's not about how you look, but how you feel, and starting with movement is good for your heart, is good for your mind, it's good for your soul, it's good for the entire whole body approach, and that means living holistically right. So make sure you're moving, move for yourself. Number seven nourish your body. Now listen, I am a holistic health coach, so I truly believe in the idea of primary and secondary foods. Secondary foods are what you're using as fuel and putting in your body.

It's the nutritious and the delicious meals that you make. Make it an art, maybe trying a new recipe or treat yourself to your favorite dish. Make it healthy, and this can go back to cluttering out the things that aren't serving you. Crowd out the kind of foods that are not serving your body and keeping you healthy, and bring in something new and different to try. Balance is key, and food is a way to nurture your soul.

All right, and maybe, maybe all of these are kind of big, but I have to say this is one that comes up a lot and I'm guilty of doing this, but learn to detox social media If you can. You know, maybe spend a day where you're not online. Social media can be a real comparison trap. Am I right, or am I right? Take a break or set limits on your screen time? You know there's apps that allow you to do that. There's settings that you can put on your own phone. Just step away.

Use this opportunity to connect with yourself or engage in activities that bring you joy offline. It is very likely if you are listening to this podcast and you've been part of the Hug it Out Collective or you've worked with me, you've seen me, or you just you're vibing the same way I am. You've been on this planet longer without technology and social media and the internet than you have. You've lived longer, so it's easy to step away from it if you just give it a try.

Maybe it's just a half hour here and then maybe an hour there. Maybe then it turns into an entire day. I know some of my most freeing moments and I just shared this recently some of my best days, my happiest days, when I turn nothing on. No technology is on, I'm really just being present. Try that, if you can, and see how you feel. I imagine you'll feel better. Number nine I want you to practice gratitude. This goes back to what we were saying earlier. Gratitude shifts your perspective.

Write down three things you're grateful for each day. It's a simple yet powerful tool to recognize the abundance in your life and attract even more positivity. I've shared this research study a lot and I do love talking about this because it's so true. But there's a Harvard research review study that was put in the book the Happiness Advantage by Sean Aker and it talks about gratitude.

If you start your day with two minutes of gratitude, compared to three minutes hopping on your phone or scrolling or turning on the TV, looking at the news, just jumping up and doing rather than truly being, you actually have a 27% more likelihood of having a good day six to eight hours later. Two minutes of gratitude before you put your feet on the floor. If you sit in those two minutes, see how that can change the entire dynamic of your day. I imagine you'll see a difference.

I want you to feel a difference, so give it a try. Number 10, celebrate the small wins. Big or small, every win deserves recognition. Did you meet a deadline? Handle a tough conversation? Get out of bed on a really tough day? Just wake up is celebrating a win. You're doing great, acknowledge your efforts, and it's vital for self-love. And that brings us to number 11, self-regulate your nervous system. You, my friend, are your own healer.

You can have people that support you, you can have guides by your side, you can have doctors, you can have professionals, you can have friends and family that are going to be there for you. But when it comes down to it, the true healer is within. That's really self-love. And what I mean by that is that when you are on the brink of change, when you are aware something doesn't feel right, awareness leads to change. You can't change unless you're aware that something needs to happen right.

So you're going to use different tools and different techniques to be kind to your mind, and that's what I want to leave you with today A short Havening experience that you can do right where you are right now and anytime you go back to listening to this with me as your guide. And if you're new here and you want to know what Havening is, I'm going to share that with you briefly. And if you're new here and you want to know what Havening is, I'm going to share that with you briefly.

So Havening is a psychosensory approach, meaning that it uses the sense of touch and positive thought, pleasant distraction, to rewire the brain. It's neuroscience based. I'm a certified practitioner and also a trainer and I use this in my life every day for everyday upsets in my life every day, for everyday upsets and then when I'm working with my clients and others on deeper rooted issues. It can also be used to de-encode trauma. But I don't ever suggest you doing trauma work on your own.

This is just a tool that you can use to self-regulate yourself and self-apply, to self-soothe, for self-care and self-love. And this is how it works. It's a simple three-touch approach. You can use any or all of these touches and you can self-apply this touch. And if you're not comfortable touching your own skin, you can use a pillow or a blanket or a material anything that's comfortable to you to self-soothe right. But if you're comfortable, I suggest that you try this technique and listen.

If you want to watch this on YouTube, this is on my Hilary Russo YouTube channel. It'll be on there for you to see the technique and join me, but I'm going to explain in a very simple way that's easy to understand, even if you're just tuning in and listening. So the Havening touch involves three different touches. It's like you're washing your hands gently, just gently washing your hands.

It could also be a nice stroke from your shoulders down to your elbows, a nice movement with your arms crossed, shoulders to elbows in a downward motion, or even on your face, like you're giving yourself a gentle massage or putting on some moisturizer, and even crossing your arms and your hands and doing it the opposite way, like you did, on your shoulders to your elbows. It feels a little different. So those are the three Havening touches.

And then what I want you to do is you're going to think about something that brings you peace or calm or joy. It can be an experience, it can be a place that you love to go, it can even be your own home. Something that brings you peace, a place that's a respite, it brings you joy, it brings you happiness when you think about it. I want you to keep that in your mind.

And if you have a problem or you aren't able to visualize well, you can find, maybe looking out a window or focus on a focal point in the room that you're in. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to gently count from 1 to 20. And with each number, I want you to find something else within that experience that will distract you, that is peaceful and calming and joyful. Okay, and you're going to continue the Havening touch while I do this.

Remember it's like you're washing your hands or giving yourself a gentle stroke from the shoulders down to the elbows or even on your face. Just continue the Havening touch and if you're comfortable, closing your eyes and taking yourself to that visual space, great. If you're not a good visualizer, focus on something in the room or outside or through a window that can distract you and feel peaceful, like you know. The leaves on the trees or people walking by right, it's as simple as that.

Yes, it is that simple. Neuroscience doesn't have to be hard. So what I would like for you to do is just think of something that's coming up for you on a scale of zero to 10 that might be causing you some upset. It could be anything. It could be that you're feeling stressed and maybe you're at a five. It could be that you're tired and you're feeling like a seven, and that means you're more tired. Right, the higher the number, the more you're feeling the emotion.

Or maybe you're actually in a pretty good state right now and you're feeling quiet or peaceful, and maybe your number's a three, but maybe find something that's like a five in that five range and maybe something you want to change, that you'd like an emotion or a feeling to change in your body, and just keep that for a second, maybe even feel it. Where are you feeling it in your body? Are you tensing your shoulders? Is it your chest? Is your head feeling a little cloudy?

Whatever it might be for you, just be aware of the feeling and where it is in your body and give it that number. Okay, remember, zero means you're not feeling it at all. 10 means it's kind of off the charts. Zero is what I call namaste all day, if that makes any sense. And then what I want you to do is you're not going to stay in that emotion. You're not going to stay in that feeling. That's the beauty of Havening.

You don't stay in the upset, park it somewhere for a second, put it aside, be a witness to it, know it's there. But what I want you to do is start doing the Havening touch, just to get used to it, right, and I'm just going to count to 20. And I want you to close your eyes, if you will, and imagine like you have a first class ticket to that place that brings you the peace and calm and joy.

And then I just want you to start the Havening touch on your hands, shoulders to elbows, or on your face no choreography, do whatever feels comfortable to you. And when you do this, when you start doing the Havening touch, what it does is it's releasing oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, gaba those are those happy chemicals and hormones in the brain. It also produces more delta waves and delta is sleep state. That's the slowest moving brain wave you have.

So imagine being able to remind that amygdala, that part of your brain that is designed to keep you safe and alive, that it's okay, it's safe, there's a safe haven in your mind. It's what we call CPR for the amygdala.

So, bringing back to that Havening experience, gently start doing the Havening touch wherever it's comfortable for you and then I want you to close your eyes and remember that number, that feeling you're having, and then park it aside and take a deep breath and then, on the breath out, step into that experience, whatever that place is that if you had a first class ticket, you could be there right now. Just give yourself a chance to breathe into it.

And I'm just going to count, and from one to 20, I just want you to find something within that experience that brings you more peace and more joy. So, if you're on the beach, maybe number one is the sand beneath your feet. Number two is the sound of the waves. It's like a feast of the senses. Okay, and let's just start with that first powerful number one. How does it feel to know that you can be there and step into that with ease. You control the narrative.

And then move on to step two and remember, during this process, you're going to be Havening the whole time On your hands, shoulders to elbows or on the face, and then move to step three. And, by the way, step doesn't mean that you have to actually be walking, it's just the step in the process. You could be lying down, you could be sitting down, you could be looking around, just be in the experience. And then move on to step four, already feeling lighter and calmer, more connected. And then five.

And on five, I want you to take a deep breath and then activate another sense. Maybe there's something you see or taste or touch, or smell or feel. Let it come alive for you, like you are there. And then move on to six and seven it's almost like you're gliding now and eight and nine. And on that 10th number, take another deep breath, activate another sense. Maybe there's a color that's coming to mind for you. What is around you? What do you see, feel, taste, touch? Here?

You're there, you have the ability to take yourself there, to change your thoughts, your moods, your behaviors, your habits. It's all you. On to 11, and then 12, briskly walking into 13 and 14, and then on 15, take another deep breath, activate another sense and release. And then 16 and 17 and 18. Take notice of what's around you.

And 19 and 20. And as you continue to do, the Havening touch, turn around with your eyes still closed In your mind's eye, look back and see how far you've come, how easy it is to change the narrative, how easy it is to immerse yourself in the experience, to remind that part of your brain that you're okay and you're safe, that you have your haven and it exists within.

Be there for a moment, really embrace it and give yourself space and grace to know that you can change the narrative, you can change your thoughts, you can change your mood. You can change your thoughts. You can change your mood, your behavior, your habits with ease, because you have the power of active emotional well-being in your own hands. And then I invite you just to take a deep breath, bring whatever senses are coming to mind and release.

Bring awareness back to your breath, come back to the space and welcome back. That's your haven experience for today, but I have a little something more for you as well 11 ways to focus on self-love this February. Remember, self-love isn't a one month affair. It's a lifelong practice. So I want you to take these tips. I want you to take this technique and carry them with you beyond February, and let me know which one you really like the most. I'd love to know.

So reach out to me, drop me a comment wherever you're tuning into this podcast episode. Tell me what you love the most. Share with me on social media, let me know, so that I know that I'm doing my job to be kind to my mind and to help you be kind to yours.

And as an added bonus for tuning in and making it this far, I'm going to share with you something even more special my five day hug it out challenge to keep you on track, which also includes a bonus self Havening experience with me as your guide an extra video. So make sure you check the notes of the podcast for that.

Of course, you can always join me for my monthly Havening happy hours, which are free and a way to come together as a group and do a little Havening, even find out more about if you want to become a Havening practitioner yourself. Find out about my trainings. There's so many things that you can learn when it comes to hugging out with yourself and learn about Havening as part of that process, and you'll find all the links to connect with me.

Whether it is the Havening happy hour every month, whether it is the hug it out challenge, or even learning about working with me one-on-one or having me come and speak to your organization or your corporation, or whatever it might be, or even getting trained in the Havening techniques yourself, it's all there for you to just take it in and breathe it in for self-love, for self-care, for yourself. I want to leave you with this.

Thank you for tuning into this episode of Holistically Speaking a very special one. Don't forget to subscribe to share this episode with someone that you think might need a little extra self-love, a reminder of the inspiration that they have within, and you can always follow me on social media. You can learn more about how to hug it out and be kind to your mind. Every day, I'm sharing tools and tips and ways to do that and share a little brain candy with you.

Of course, holistically Speaking, is edited by Two Market Media with music by Lipone Redding and, of course, supported by you. And in addition to self-love and loving yourself, know that until next time, I love you, I believe in you and I'm sending hugs your way. Be well.