I just remember, like a light bulb going off, like, oh like, tell me more, what? What did you say about this psychologist? What about the chemicals in the brain? Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me. And then our therapy sessions just became very educational and I loved it and it just lit up so many avenues for me. And I remember getting so excited to take a psychology course next semester and I took a sociology course and it was like I found my jam.
What do you want to be when you grow up? How many times have you asked somebody that question or somebody has asked you that question in the course of your life? I have to say it's probably happened to me many times and I myself have made numerous pivots, as anybody who's been watching or tuning into HIListically Speaking knows. I mean, my career started as a journalist and I moved into the field of mental health and I have to say I'm continuing to learn and grow, and I'm sure you are too.
But when you ask yourself that question, and in this age where we are seeing more people aligning with their emotional well-being, their mental health, that seems to be a question that leads to an answer. I want to help people, I want to serve and what a beautiful place to be.
And as someone who has also been a college professor for a number of years working with students a lot of those that age range of 18 to 22, many have been coming back to me saying how can I get into this field of mental health?
And people reaching out, even wanting to pivot, asking that question too, and I thought you know what would be better than to have somebody who is on that journey themselves, who is in that early part of their career and has made that commitment and that choice to serve, to be in the field of mental health and to just make the world a better place. So that is why I have Emily Barbosa joining me today on HIListically Speaking. Emily, you and I have had some time to chit chat together.
I've been so fortunate to be on your podcast, a Safe Place to Land, and we really realized there was synergy there. Whether you are in this career at an early part of your life or coming into it later, there's definitely a synergy of wanting to serve and help others, and I would love for you to share your journey to inspire others who might be considering this as well. So thanks for being here on HIListically Speaking, returning the favor to you, my dear Absolutely yes.
Thank you so much for having me. It's been so wonderful getting to know you and work with you, and I'm super excited to share a little bit more about my journey. I would say my therapy journey kind of began when I was about 16 years old. I unfortunately came from a very broken home environment and didn't really realize the situation I was in until I got older and started noticing like okay, this is not normal how my parents are acting and what we're going through.
And so it definitely has deeply impacted me as I've gotten older, especially in my dating relationships, and I've been kind of trying to undo what has been done throughout my childhood. And so when I was 16, I was actually court mandated to go to therapy because of what was going on at home. And I'm thinking like you want me to go into this room and talk to this man about everything that's been going on. He's not going to understand what I'm going through. Like I don't want to do this.
I felt so just uncomfortable with the whole thing. I remember seeing him and he was very nice and I was like let me give him the benefit of the doubt, I'll just give it a chance. And so I go in and I'm just venting about what's been going on, and he was just so understanding and so empathetic and he just made me feel so seen. And I remember just asking him questions like I don't understand why my parents act this way. Is there something wrong with me, like.
And he just made me feel like you're just a kid, like you're just a kid, like you're just a kid and there's nothing that you're doing and the choices that these adults are making around you have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. And he just kind of explained to me like Maslow's hierarchy of needs and all these different things, and it's like this is where your parents are at.
They can't think about how they're impacting you emotionally or relationally, they're really just on survival mode, making not the best decisions right now. And I just remember like a light bulb going off, like, oh, like, tell me more. What did you say about this psychologist? What about the chemicals in the brain? Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me. And then our therapy sessions just became very educational and I loved it and it just lit up so many avenues for me.
And I remember getting so excited to take a psychology course next semester and I took a sociology course and it was like I found my jam, like I was always decent at school, but there wasn't really anything that I felt like really just connected with me and I just fell in love with these classes. I was so interested in it and, you know, very quickly I knew like I want to do this, like I want to tell people about this.
This has helped me so much and people need to know this, like other kids need to know this, like you're not your parents, like you're not doomed it's. There's so much more. There's an explanation behind all of this. There's science behind all of this. This is so enlightening and so I was just kind of like lit on fire from the beginning and I was very fortunate to get a track and field scholarship and I went and got my undergrad degree at North Greenville University super small school.
I wanted to go to a big school for so long and it just didn't work out. Those doors did not open for me. But you know, kind of just following my path and it was such a great experience and I just learned so much and my professors just loved us and cared for us so much. On, like a more deeper level.
I will say that is the benefit of going to a smaller school Lots of one on one time and I got to just open up more about my, my situation and where I'm at and when I was struggling, and they just saw me and guided me and held my hand through it and just every time I wanted to quit, they were just right there, like no, like I don't know. It's like they saw something in me that I couldn't see and just yeah, just kept encouraging me.
I love that you mentioned that they saw something that you didn't see in the moment and I say that a lot with my clients. I'll say my job is not to change you, fix you, heal you. Anything like that is to help you see parts of you that perhaps you aren't seeing yourself in the moment because you're in it and sometimes you just need a guide by your side to process some of that with you. But in the long run, you're the one finding the resolve, you're the one finding the answer.
That's how you build resiliency and everything you're sharing. As someone who is a graduate student going into the therapy field also, you're already working in the field as a graduate student, so you're seeing firsthand learning from doing right, which is so important.
I would imagine that this is something where knowing that you're able to help others and give them possibilities that perhaps you didn't have at an earlier age, but they can make different choices now with the knowledge that you're sharing with them Is that right?
Yeah, that's like pretty much. It to a T is just kind of like everything that I've been through and all of the knowledge that's been passed down to me and my experiences. I like to meet people wherever they're at and just kind of show them all the different extra, you know, paths that they can go down and perspectives that they can go down and just also share about me and we've talked about this therapist, not super open about their personal lives or sharing.
I think that's one of my superpowers. I connect very deeply with my clients. I do self disclose a little bit more, especially if I feel like they are afraid to open up. If they say things like I'm the only one who's gone through this, I feel so they are afraid to open up. If they say things like I'm the only one who's gone through this or I feel so alone through this, and I like, hey, me, yeah, I've been, I've actually been there, or I know someone who's been there.
You are not alone and it's so powerful I can just see their faces. They're like what?
Like it's not just me Right, we're human and you're right, we did talk about that and I love that you're touching on that, because the days of just being that therapist on the couch that's taking notes like tell me about your feelings, and the person can feel judged, like they're being monitored or assessed, rather than having a conversation and experience and a connection with their therapist, and you're that new age of therapy which I love seeing and I choose to be like that as well.
But that's a totally different relationship and of course, it's not sharing all of your stuff, but it's allowing that person that you're holding space for to know that you're human too and you've got stuff 100%.
I think it would be difficult for me to go to a therapist who's never been in therapy before. That would just be difficult to connect on that level. And you know they do teach us in school. The best results come from the connection. It doesn't matter the theory, it doesn't matter the interventions, it's how much does this person trust you, how deep are they willing to go with you? Do you guys have a good rapport and I find that me being myself is the best way to do that.
And I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to wear. I'm like, who am I supposed to be? I was like I was hearing my supervisor's lines and I was getting all jumbled up, trying to like get them to come out right. And then finally I was just like Emily, be yourself, Be yourself. Like if they like you, they like you, and if they don't, they don't.
But you got to be yourself, because you're playing mental gymnastics right now and you didn't even listen to like half the things that they just said, because you're so freaked out right now. And once I just kind of gave myself permission to just be human and be Emily, everything just kind of felt better.
Yeah you know, and you can't be everything to everyone. You know that's, that's a conversation I think we're seeing people have more and more, especially in the coaching and therapeutic world, because there's so many coaches out there online. There's so many people that are sharing how they can help you on your healing journey, some of which are, you know, maybe not so authentic.
Hopefully, more of those who do share are, I think, where you're going with being the true self that you are, is where you're going to align with people, and there will be people that come to you because they see you and the authentic person you are Human. Human first, before the job title Human first. Yeah, yeah, yes, absolutely yeah.
And I love working with attachment IFS, inner child work, you know, working through all of these limiting beliefs. And there was a book that I read that actually one of my professors gave to me, and it was called Personality Isn't Permanent by Benjamin Hardy, and I love Benjamin. Hardy books, it's so good and it just, oh my god, that was one of the catalysts to me working through my trauma and it just gave me such a different perspective of I can be whoever I want to be.
I can walk into a room and introduce myself as hi, I'm Emily, I'm a therapist, I love running, I live in St Pete, I have my dog, kylo. Instead of like, hi, my name is Emily, and like I was abused as a child and I have all this trauma and I'm broken and like I'm doomed. Because that's how I felt for so long. I felt like people could look at me and see that like I'm broken and that there was something wrong with me.
That's a really good point because I think in this day and age, trauma has become a buzzword everywhere. In this day and age, trauma has become a buzzword everywhere and, while we have the big T's and the little t's, it's encouraging people that, yes, we have trauma and it probably doesn't ever go away.
It's building a relationship with it, understanding it and being able to say that this thing happened but it's not happening right, and build that love and that relationship with that part of ourselves that we're able to cultivate a new, healthier relationship with ourselves. Really, it's about healing parts of ourselves more than trying to change anyone else. Yes, yes, I love what you said of building a relationship with that part.
Yes, yes, I love what you said of like building a relationship with that part, because for so long I think I hated that part of myself that felt abandonment and shame and guilt and embarrassment, like I didn't like her, and it was hard for me to have empathy for her and to work through that. I just hated it so much and I hated that it happened and there was a lot of acceptance that needed to happen for me to get there.
And that book just helped me see that I actually am in control of the rest of my life and I can take responsibility for my future. I can let this stuff go and how I remember it and perceive it and tell the story. It's really just narrative therapy. The whole book is like narrative therapy and just rewrite your story. Like how do you want to introduce yourself? Who do you want to be in the future? Like I want to be a business owner one day. I want to write books. I want to do TED talks.
I want to make an impact. I want to be a successful woman in this industry.
Yeah, and maybe changing the word, to change the word to. I will.
I will, yeah, I will, I am you are right, it's the I am.
I'm here A little coaching while we're doing our interview here, because you're in that process and I. The one reason why I loved our connection is because I see parts of myself in you and where I was at your age, but I don't think we were talking about so much of mental health. I was at your age but I don't think we were talking about so much of mental health publicly and openly when I was in my 20s.
And so when I am with my students or anyone that's in their 20s, navigating through life, trying to figure out where they're going to go next, I get so excited because I'm like, oh my gosh, they are so much further ahead than I was when I was in my 20s because we didn't have these conversations. So it's empowering to hear someone who is just starting out on this journey, really in a career, really choosing to be the architect of their own life.
And especially, I get even more jazzed when I know that they want to go into this field, because there's so much we can do to create a community, a world where a collective, where we're helping each other on this process, you know and it's exciting. So I'm just excited for you because I know it's, it's, it's the journey that's just in process and it's beautiful. So I want to stop and just mention.
I do want to just say that you are offering a 15 minute consultation with folks and this is a really great opportunity for people to see what it's like to actually work with someone who is just starting out or someone who you know. You have your own story to share. You're not just starting out in life, you have life experiences.
But Emily's graciously offering a 15 minute consultation to see if you align with her and I do have a lot of younger folks that do listen to this podcast that tune into this podcast and maybe there's an alignment there because you really are building a relationship with someone. So happily we'll share that in the podcast notes.
Also just want to mention you have this beautiful podcast, a Safe Place to Land, that you have given me some space to share and I appreciate that We'll put all that in the podcast notes as well.
And, if this is something that resonates with you, if you want to have a conversation just with Emily about what it might be like to start that journey, to look into the field of mental health, to maybe go on to a graduate degree or even an undergraduate degree, learn more about psychology, you're offering that as well that 15 minutes could be any type of conversation, right.
Absolutely, absolutely, and it's for anyone. I work with 16 and up, all ages. I enjoy working with different populations, ages and, yeah, anybody who's interested in therapy. Or, again, if you do have any questions about you know, just needing, like, a guide or a mentor, like, please feel free to reach out. I would be more than happy to share my experiences along the way, for sure.
So let me ask you this don't kind of pivot a little bit If you weren't going into therapy and it seems like something that's kind of been on the trajectory for a while Is there another career field that Emily would have preferred or thought about?
I mean I wanted to be a professor, but I feel like that's still on the same track. So if we're completely just like diverting from this, I wanted to be an actress for a really long time. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't like a theater kid, but like I wanted to be a Disney Channel girly for a while.
So yeah put me on the stage, so I would have thought about that anyway, and you and I met at that podcasting meetup and I was like wondering if you had an acting background, because there's just such an energy and a positive light about you. Nothing says you can't do that. Nothing says you can't incorporate elements of what it's like it's never too late. It's never too late, it's never too late.
And the idea of being a professor, by the way, when I became a professor, I did not have it on my radar at all. I was somebody reached out to me from the university at St John's in New York and said hey, we would love to offer you an opportunity to teach. And I thought it was a joke. Emily, I thought it was a joke. I was like who's pranking me? Because I didn't put in any resumes for that.
But they like a lot of universities now and I felt like I learned more from my adjuncts than I was an adjunct for 12 years. Learn from those who are in the field, doing what they're doing, rather than just sitting in an office, which there's value to that too but says somewhere down the line you can't be professor Barbosa right, yeah, like that.
Oh, dr Barbosa, I love it.
I like that even more, going on for your PhD. Is that something that's in your, in your future? You want to go on for a PhD.
You know it's definitely out there. I'm coming to the end of my master's and so the thought of enrolling into another program makes me crazy, but I will say so. I wanted to be a professor. I wanted to share all this knowledge and my passion for all of this and make a huge impact, especially on young people.
Be a counselor for a while, have the experience and then go and teach, because my favorite professors were the ones who had all the stories about seeing clients and telling me all about like the real action. I loved it. I was like let me get my popcorn. I'm like eating this up. I didn't think I was going to like it. I thought it was going to be too much work and I thought it was going to just be a very burnt out. Everyone kept saying that you're going to get burnt out.
You're going to get burnt out, have a backup plan. And so I was like, okay, fine, I'll go be a therapist and then I'll go back and teach. Well, I love it and it's exactly where I'm supposed to be and I can see myself staying for a long time. And I'm very fortunate to have found, you know, a private practice this early in my career, because I have work-life balance. I don't have to see 30 clients a week and work nine to five in an office with no windows.
I have beautiful windows and I'm on the water and it's lovely and I'm very supported and they do everything they can to help me not get burnt out, and so I can see a very fruitful and long career with therapy. And I think there's other opportunities to teach, whether it be seminars or webinars or podcasts or speaking at different things, and so I think there's still opportunity to teach without me having to be in the classroom. But you know, like you've said, careers change all the time.
People change all the time. Who knows where I will end up down the road? I'm very young in this position and so if I feel you know, research is something that is something I want to get into, yeah, I could definitely see myself going back to school, and I do want to give a shout out to the counseling center, where you do work, because having that first opportunity is really important.
So you are with Sunshine City Counseling. You do work, because having that first opportunity is really important. So you are with Sunshine City Counseling. You're in Florida. What city in Florida are you in South St Pete? Yeah, okay, south St Pete. So you're down there. You have this great view. Amazing, not everybody has that. Do you also see clients virtually within Florida? Can you do that, or are you mostly in person?
I would say it's about half and half. Yeah, I would say lots of virtual, lots of in person. Um, and yeah, as long as you're in the state of Florida, we can serve you.
So let me. I want to talk to you about something you just mentioned and that is not having to see 30 clients a day, because I think in this field it's very common to get burned out, with patient by patient and patient after patient and not really taking care of your own emotional wellbeing.
Also, the idea of um compassion, compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, secondary traumatic stress, which is something I talk about a lot that's my main thing to talk about, because I understand what that's like from outside of this field, being a journalist. So what do you do to protect your own emotional well-being when you're seeing clients and dealing with some really personal situations? What is that like for you?
It's definitely something I'm still trying to learn and balance. I'm definitely haven't had I don't have it figured out, but I am trying to be mindful about conserving my energy and so, like for example, this week, tuesday and Wednesday were super heavy days, so lots of people had a couple session.
That was very long and deep and it was weighing on me a lot, and so on Thursday I didn't have any clients, but I was supposed to get some other things done and like I just couldn't, like my brain wasn't and I was like you know what? I can't, my body's telling me that I can't.
I need to listen to my body and I need to respect this, and so I just lounged around and relaxed, saw some friends, got some fresh air, because that's what I needed and it's just not getting angry at myself if I can't perform constantly and if I do need a break.
That's really good, Not beating yourself up. If you're not taking care of your own emotional well-being, how in the world can you show up for others? So to understand that now and see that now is creating that space for a much stronger therapist.
Really, you know someone who understands what they need for themselves Like your own needs matter first, yeah 100%, and I got very burnt out towards the end of undergrad. Like so bad because I was full-time student. I was a full-time athlete and I was waiting tables on the weekend to try to get by, and so there was not even a moment of rest. It was constant go, go, go and it literally got to the point where, like I couldn't do it anymore and I had to quit the team, like right before I graduated.
I then was just balancing the other two, still got burnt out. I ended up having to quit my job and like I had to just like flee over to Florida and be with my family, because I was like I have nothing left to give right now and I was so close to dropping out. I was like I can't, like I'm like crawling on the ground, like there's just no way. It was just like absolute and total burnout.
People just come into your life when they're supposed to, and there was this wonderful girl who was in class with me and she saw me struggling and she was just like I want to help you, like you're so close and you're so awesome, and like don't do this. I was like wait, like do you want to be my friend? And she just kind of helped me where I was struggling. I was struggling with statistics. Who would have thought you know?
I did that too. I hardly made it past my my graduate program in statistics. I was like, why are we doing this?
I just want to talk to people geez, I'm not running stats. Um, I know, I know I like couldn't get it figured out and she was just so helpful and she just kind of, you know, and this will be a lifelong friend, forever, just such an angel to come in and see me and help me and get me through and like I again, like there's, there's going to be moments where you think this is it, like it's not going to happen.
And it did, and I got through and I graduated and I'm very grateful for her, and I learned in that moment that there is a limit and if I continue to say yes to everything, I will reach that burnout. And that was one of the scariest things I have ever experienced and I do not want to go there again.
And so I'm going to conserve my energy, I'm going to take breaks, I'm going to take naps, I'm going to watch Love Island and eat snacks, because I deserve it, because I'm taking on a lot, I'm seeing people, I'm hearing a lot of things and I have to have room to process and relax, because, yes, I'm not physically on my feet, but I am emotionally drained and I need to rest.
So good that you understand that. What's your favorite way? Well, you mentioned a lot of them. Do you have a favorite way to self-care?
Yeah, right now it's definitely like snuggling with my puppy, watching Love Island, eating popcorn and just like just rotting and like just chilling and we call it bed rotting. That's like a Gen Z thing. So we bed rot and I give myself permission to do that and it's almost like I need that, just like to just turn off my brain and then, once I have a little bit more energy, I love running, I love taking my dog to the dog park, I love being with my friends. That's huge.
Just spending time with friends and family getting outside is just so big. I need to be in the sun.
Yeah, there's so many ways that we can self-regulate for self-care, you know, incorporating different tools and tactics and putting them in what I call the brain candy jar, and you and I we talked about that when you invited me on your show and shared more about Havening and how that's a really beautiful modality and thank you so much for that opportunity to share it with you. It is just such a joy to have you here to be able to share.
And I just want to mention again to those tuning in if you know somebody even you might be much older already doing what you're doing, maybe you're pivoting, maybe you have a child or a student that's interested in getting into neuroscience or therapy or mental health in some way, whatever it might be that 15 minutes that Emily is offering as an opportunity to just have a conversation and kick back and have answers to your questions or just have somebody hold space for you in that moment
and then see where it goes. And, of course, if you need further support in this area, emily is providing that too through her therapy practice working with the Sunshine City, and you know there's so many, so many opportunities to connect. So I'm really elated to have you here and just be able to share. Do you want to play a little game? Oh my gosh, yes, let's do it. Amazing Part of my podcast is rapid fire.
This is an opportunity for you to come back with the first word that comes to mind do a little brain candy work up there. You know a little brain gaming. It's word association. So I've been writing down some words you've been saying and what I want you to do is just come back with one word like rapid Okay, you ready to play? Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. All right, here we go.
Therapy, counseling, neuroscience, brain Professor, teacher, Energy, fast Connection, love, divorce, heartbreak, trauma, pain, graduate Me yeah, love it. We're going to end on that. I'm just like I know you're looking ahead at what is about to happen, like all this awesome stuff coming into your space. What a joy having you. You're such a light. I'm not putting I'm not putting artists and actor outside the realm of possibility because, honestly, that means so many different things.
As someone that comes from that background as well, you could be using that just in your social media or sharing or even in the space with those that you are supporting, seeing that light that you have and that energy, but being true to who you are and no doubt that that is something that you are putting out there already.
So, oh my gosh, thank you so much, HIlary, you're so sweet.
You're adorable. I love you, I absolutely adore you. All right, so final words that you might want to share with HIListically Speaking listeners anything you would like for those who are tuning in, whether it's on YouTube, on the YouTube channel or anywhere where they are tuning in. What do you want to tell them?
I just want to say like thank you so much for listening, and I know that the idea of going to therapy if you've never been before can be extremely scary and it can feel as though the person won't understand you.
But I just want to remind you that, even if someone experienced the exact same thing that you went through, they're going to experience it differently and different mentors, therapists, coaches they're all going to have different insights and you can take what you want and you can leave what you don't, but you're going to continue to grow through that process and so, if you're thinking about it, I just want to encourage you to go for it.
And so, if you're thinking about it, I just want to encourage you to go for it and I just want to support you along that way, because you know there are people there that want to hear you and help you and support. They need your services. Or we learn from each other, like we learn from each other in this world. It's all gonna be there for you Absolutely.
Plus. Look, you're this new podcaster and I love working with my fellow podcasters too, so hopefully I'll get to see you soon and we'll be able to connect on that level, absolutely. All right, thank you so much for being here and just being part of this.
Thank you for having me.
All right, sunshine. You heard it from Emily. If you want to reach out to her, she is inviting you to have a 15-minute conversation with her. All the links you need to connect with her, be it on social media or on her website, are in the notes of this podcast episode.
And, of course, if you're interested in learning more about havening techniques whether it is being supported and working with me personally, or maybe you're on the journey as a therapist or a practitioner a doctor, nurse, first responder I offer trainings to get certified in havening techniques.
All of that information, whether you are needing support and you want to do one-to-one work with me or in group, or bring me into your organization or possibly get certified in havening, you'll find all of that in the links of this podcast episode as well. And if this episode touched, moved and inspired you in any way, consider paying it forward. Pass it along to just one person. It could make a difference in their lives.
And, of course, consider leaving a rating or review wherever you're tuning into this podcast, because it could put it in the hands and in the ears of somebody who needs to hear it more than ever right now. HIListically Speaking is edited by Two Market Media, with music by Lipbone Redding and, of course, supported by you, and I couldn't do it without you.
So, thank you, I appreciate you more than you know and, on that note, remember you are always supported, you are always heard and there is always someone that is there to listen. And let you know that you can be kind to your mind. I love you, I believe in you and I'm sending hugs your way. Be well.