This podcast is being recorded and produced on gadiicol Land.
We pay our respects to the traditional custodians of this country and elders past present.
We extend our respect to any First Nations Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island of people joining.
Us today, always was, always will be Aboriginal Land.
I'm Britney Saunders and I'm all right hey, and Matt, you sound so depressed.
Well, I'm you know what, put it.
On fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes, Matt, and you can go home to sleep.
I'm not going on to save word, bitch. I'm Britney Saunders and I'm all.
Right hey, and you have made your way onto our close friends because.
You don't put the juiciest gouff on your main story. Yeah, keep it for your color. That's friends.
You're really on one today.
I am you. Yeah, I'm feeling so good and so happy and so fabulous. That's exactly what these episodes are. Par Sole's I don't even know, come on, duh, let's get into it.
We spoke on the main episode about something and it got it got me going into a story. But then we said, hang on a second, let's keep it for this did you ever do work experience in school?
No?
I think it was when you were doing one of the TAFE courses as a subject in school.
Yeah, never did any of that. Couldn't be bothered. I was like, I'm not putting in an extra effort.
So I was doing business services, which is a TAFE course. Don't know what the fuck certificate that is. I think it was like I learn how to write on the outside of envelope. Like what we learned, like how to correctly put the person's name, address, where to put the postcode, where to put the stamp?
Are you kidding? No, that's a TAFE course.
Well that's what was one of the parts of it.
They are pulling my fucking leg. That is not what did you learn?
It was over ten years ago, so it obviously wouldn't be the same now now it's probably like how to send an email?
No, that's not real and what? But my thing is, why were you in it? I understand some people might need to learn how to because it was like a thing. I don't know.
I was deep down maybe knowing that I was going to be in business one day. That's why I picked business services. I don't know what it was I just didn't want to do any of the normal topics at school, so I just picked anything. Anyway, when you do those tape courses through your school subjects, you have to go and do two rounds of work experience to complete the course, one week at one place, one week at another place, and the school chooses where you go. You don't get
to pick where you go. And with business services, it was a lot of like learning admin and stuff like working in an office role and all that kind of shit, which I don't know why I thought I'd be fucking interested in that. What I kind of work, just sitting in an office, I'll go crazy. I tried it, trust me.
So anyway, I got given my one week. I think it was the first week of it, because you do it like at two different times of the year, and my first one was doing one week of admin work at the Army Reserves in Newcastle.
Okay, So when you said this in the main episode, I thought, we're going to get a story.
I am telling you a story, I know.
But I was. I thought I didn't realize you were going to be doing admin at the Army. I'm expecting you to tell me you was doing all the guns and stuff and rolling around in the mud. I want to just see your climb and that.
So at this same time, I was trying to work out what I wanted to do for a career because my school was fucking going ham on us, saying, you guys are fucking mind you. I'm like fifteen or something because I was young for my year, and I'm getting pressured to figure out what i want to do with my life. And I'm fifteen years old, a year young
for my year, and so I'm flipping out. I went to the career's day for the Army and was looking at choosing between the Navy and the Army, and I fully had this one on one chat with this like sergeant guy, and he was giving me all the booklets and pamphlets and literally telling me all about you know how they go away for like the eight weeks or whatever and do all that training it I can't remember where it is, and then you do the day where your family comes. Like I was fully thinking I was
going to fucking sign up to this. I don't know why anyway, So I don't know if that tied into me then getting put at the Army Reserves for my work experience. So I remember thinking admin at the Army, like what the fuck? Like I didn't even think that was a thing, you know, but obviously they need someone doing their ADMIN. And so I go there. I'm fifteen years old, like I'm getting dropped there by mama, or
I'm catching the bus and walking in. I am so out of my comfort zone and I'm not the confident me that I am today. I'm like this shy school girl. Anyway, I go into the Army Reserves. It's the most bland office that I've ever been to, like your typical office, like I've worked in plenty of them. And I get put with a sergeant of this Army Reserves. And it was a woman, and she was so intimidating, like not friendly, like she fucking you could tell she was an Army sergeant.
She was so she was working in admin though.
Yeah, like running the office and maybe like running the reserves. I don't remember. This was so long ago. Fuck, this is like fifteen years ago. That's so odd. Anyway, I went into the office, got introduced to all the people working in there, and then I got to do a tour around the reserves and I went to like the the medic, like there's a medic that's always working in there in the medical room. Then I went out to like the yard and whatever, and fuck, I hope no
one that knows this woman's going to listen to this. This was fifteen years ago, so who knows where she is now. But I very quickly noticed. And I don't know if it was just this particular place or if it's just like the army in general, they hate, well, they hated the general population. What it was very very much like they were different to us on the outside and they were referring to all of us on the outside as civies.
Oh okay, civilians.
And very quickly because we were just kind of sitting in the office, like I think they literally got me to photocopy a few things on this first day, and the conversation was just like always comparing civies to them, and it just felt the vibes were so off, Like I was like I couldn't wait to fucking go home. And I had the whole week there and this was the Monday, and they were just like talking down about the civs and the CIV world and again, like I
don't want to generalize the people of the army. But I don't know. This is like traditionally how they talk about like the civis, but I don't know, maybe someone listening knows someone in the army or whatever. But it was very negative and like I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there. Anyway, this day like went forever. I absolutely hated it. I think it's more like just the people were bringing the vibes down. Mind you, I'm fifteen years old, I'm not fit, I'm not doing sport
or anything. Then this big other sergeant guy comes in. Well I'm so intimidated. Can you imagine, Like they're all in their fucking uniforms with everything, and I'm like, yeah, the fuck school girl with blonde hair fifteen years old, well around all the full take to my hand like yeah, like being all serious. And then so it turns out that every morning, it doesn't matter what role you do in the Army reserves. And again I don't know if
it's the same now, this is fifteen years ago. But you have to go in really early in the morning to do like their boot camp every morning.
Did you have to do that?
So this guy comes in on the Monday, nice to meet you blah blah blah. So tomorrow, because I think that I went there like nine am on the first day, but tomorrow, like you got to be in at seven or whatever. First ball. I'm like, fuck that, Like I can't go get up and be there at seven o'clock to do like the boot camp and like the obstacle course and shit outside and no matter what role they did, you were doing that every morning. And I was like, okay, yep, I'll be there.
No worries.
Anyway, worst day of my life. Went home and I just said I'm not fucking gone.
Did you do the boot can the next day?
No?
She never went back.
I wopped for the rest of the week and I just you whopped?
Wagged? What does mean? That's what we called there's a different there's a different meaning for wop. In twenty twenty four, I was like, you wopped.
That's what we used to call it wop in school.
No, we called it wagging.
Yes, same thing, that's what we called it.
Would you call it Hannah wagging? What do you call it wagging?
We called it whopping. So anyway, I was that mortified from that day at the Army Reserves that I said to my mum, I'm not going back there, And because my mom didn't give a fuck about whether I went to school or not, She's like, I don't.
Give a fuck, and so I just chazzy.
I just simply didn't go back for the rest of the week, and I also didn't.
Go to school again.
Ever, you must have been the start of me Quentin school and my school, like the army rang my my school the next morning to be like where is she? And then my school my school rang my mom?
Are you going for a career's expo to the army, to the army making you drop out of school? But not because you're joining the army, because you just had such a bad day at the army that you decided to just change your entire trajectory in life and go nah.
Hat anyway, So it wasn't because of that. Like I hated school. I had the worst attendance record, but I remember them ringing my.
School in the school once. Not one time did I wag. The only time I skipped was when I had an awful, awful teacher for legal studies and he was just horrible to me all year, Like one of those teachers where like I would not talk. But my friend was talking to me the entire time, and I've got direct eye contact with him, and I'm going, you know what, I'm just zoning in on him. I'm letting him know I am listening respectively. My friend is the one being disrespectful.
I would literally, after ten minutes, go, I just need you to be quiet, and he'd go down my classroom like he just hated me. And I literally always did nothing wrong. And then one day I showed up really late, only like five minutes late. But I had a teacher beforehand keep me back because not for anything to be like, I wasn't in trouble or anything, not that I would have cared if I was, but anyway, I just wanted to clarify that. And it was five minutes late to
his class and he I knocked on the door. The door was locked, and he opened the door and he did not say a word, and he slammed the door in my face, and I went, well, fuck off, I'm going on to Macker's. And so I went and got myself a lovely sausage off and at McDonald's, and then I went and sat in the library, and then he called the principal and said, Matthew is wagging. And then the principal came to or the deputy principal came to see me in the library and was like, why an't
you in class? And I explained the situation and the principal the deputy principal sided with me, and also I had a bit of a crush on him, so I was like, you know, playing the damsel in distress.
I was five minutes late.
I know, and I really tried to be on time, sir, but maybe if I could just sit in your office instead for the time, I was like really feeding into it. But anyway, he wrote me a note and gave me permission to go back to the class, which, of course, then I dially dalied around for forty minutes and finally I went back to the class and said, yeah, there's there's a note from the deputy principal, so shove it.
And then anyway, remember having fucking double like double something like when you had double matt never had that. I'm not hating that so much. When you looked at your fucking timetable, it was like double mass and double science, it was like, you're in there for double the amount of time.
We never had that fuck that.
I remember one thing that we got into a house doing at school. I don't know if you did this at your school, but in summer, you know how they have like fans in the classroom, like throwing things at the fan and watching a ping around the room. But you try and do it when the teacher's not booking, so then they turn around, they absolutely blow up and we got real bad. Like it became a thing with
our class. I was in a shit class, like I wasn't in a good class, and then we'd throw like bits of food and stuff.
It's just sad, we're just lying around the focus classroom, no wonder. The teachers would absolutely lose it.
But it was a fucking highlight of my school date.
Do you know what I did once? It is in my English class. I don't know why I did this, but this is this is how weird I was in year seven. Okay, so like in Y seven, obviously I struggled to make friends. Hello, no one wants to be friends with a gay kid, and I thought, I'm going
to do something it's gonna get everyone on board. So what I did is I bought colored paper and I cut up the colored paper into tiny, tiny, thousands of pieces of tiny paper, and I sat it all and I broke in through the because you could break in through the windows of our classrooms like they just slid
open on the weekend. No, no, no, like at lunchtime and we had like English fifth period, so after lunch, and so at lunchtime, I snuck into the out of bounds area and I broke into the classroom and I put thousands and thousands of pieces of paper on the fans. It was summer. And then I turned the heater on and I left, and then we had English and we come in the room is boiling hot. Missus like Tcher's like, why is it so hot? In ears left the heater on,
turns the heater off. She goes, sorry, we I'm gonna have to turn the fans on, urns of fans on. The confetti that I've put on the fans goes all over everyone in the room, and I'm sitting there like this is so good, right, this is so good. Everyone was like what the fuck is that was so angry, and I was like, I can't say a thing because I thought everyone I thought it was going to get everyone on board. Everyone's going to be my friend because I had like prankd the class and done something so
fun and everyone hated it. And obviously I like wore the guilty look on my face and everyone figured out that it was me because I wasn't a good liar. And yeah, then everyone just hated me. Still have loved it, so oh God, just sticking to the wall. Well, I'm glad you didn't join the army because I imagine, imagine, I just think that's not very you.
You know, know what was me back then? I was so desperate to leave school.
What I feel like you've always had like really boring jobs, Like what what other jobs have you had? Like I've had exciting jobs, you know. Like I worked at a water park as a lifeguard. I wasn't even accredited, but they let me work there anyway, And I was getting twenty dollars an hour cash in hand. And I was like twelve years old. No, I was like, I don't know how old it was. No, this is when I was nineteen. When I was twelve, though, I worked at a carnival on the clowns, you know, you put the
clown the ping pong ball in the clowns. Worked there also operated the Merry Go Round as a thirteen year old. Definitely not allowed. But you know, I grew up on the Central Coast, so things, you know, no one work help in safety. What the fuck is that? So worked in a water park out the back of Batto Pub and the water slide, the water slides they'd bring in and they were inflatable, so they'd just blow up the water slides. And I literally no, I did so I
had to save again, no accreditation. I don't even know how I got this job. I have no idea. I think I was so oh, because that's right, I was working somewhere. Oh, I got a job in a call center and I was working in Sydney. This is in twenty thirteen, and so I was, yeah, this is when I was nineteen. I was working in Sydney at a call center. And then I got fired for being gay. It's a long story, but like it's a conspiracy theory.
But also I overheard a conversation where they were like not being nice about me being gay, and then suddenly the same day I also got fired. And anyway, because I wasn't like really flamboyant back then, and then when they figured it out. I don't know. I think the call center was run by maybe a religious group of some sort. But anyway, the point is I had lost that job or they were going to fire me, and then I quit anyway, and it was all a big thing. I lost that job and didn't have a job for
nine months. It was like a ruggar ling. And so when this water park came to the local pub, I desperately went there, I think, and was like, can I please have a job? And they gave me one. It was great. I'd get half priced off dagwood dogs, yeah, Pluto pups and anyway, the water slights would blow up, and literally I would have to sit at the top of one of the blow up like a jumping castle. Imagine a jumping castle. I'd sit at the top of the jumping castle that had a pool at the bottom.
How big is this?
Seeing?
Like huge? Like there were huge, huge ones, you know, those ones like on water, like the big inflat of ones on the water like that. No it's on the back lawn, but they've got they've set up on these pools. Anyway, I'm at the top with a fucking garden hose spraying it on the slide. For these fucking three year olds to slide down it, and I'm sitting at the top and multiple times there is I could probably find someone. I'll probably find something and put it on on my
story or something, but I'd have to multiple times. The water slides would either the generator would go off or they'd get a hole in them and they would deflate. And I am there multiple times throughout this summer. I'm at the top of the water slide and you just knew because you heard the generator go off and you just feel the jumping castle sort of things start to deflate. I've got to get down. Three kids up in my on my shoulders, round my neck, and I'm running down
this deflating jumping castle water slide fucking thing. We are getting crushed. Parents of screaming for their kids. I'm screaming as on I got them. It's all good again. No accreditation, but I was just like, it's all good, We're all good. And because they were just it was like one of those water parks they would just hire all the backpackers.
So every single other person who worked at the water park was German, and I couldn't understand a word any of and they had no idea what I was saying either. And I remember one night on the final night. On the final night, we all because you know, the water park would close at like five o'clock because obviously you
just want it throughout the day. Then we kept them all up instead of packing them all down, and we all like went on the water sides and then had a big like piss up and bonfire out there and all the rest of that, and had like a big yeah, yeah, I.
Just keep visiting this at bad O Bay.
The funniest thing is Brittany because of the language barrier. I was just getting drunk by myself and everyone's trying to have conversations with each other, but I can't understand their German accents or German in general. It was very broken English, and like, just imagine being at a party when no one else speaks your language and you're getting absolutely drunk and going on water slides with everyone, but no one can talk to each other. Like it was
just the weirdest experience of my life. Anyway, That's probably the weirdest job I had. But what's the weirdest job you had.
I've had a lot of random jobs I had over twenty jobs from the ages of fourteen to twenty one, and I lied on my resume completely because I obviously wasn't going to keep all of them on there. The most random one that I had, like we've already spoken about me working at Ozzie Bush Camp, so everyone already knows that I was a sports instructor for school kids
at Assi Bush Camp. That was pretty random. The other random one was probably when I was sixteen, So when I dropped out of school, I was waitressing, like I've been working at this restaurant for ages. And then I got a second job, which I thought was like full on, full time job, but it was selling os Star, which is Foxtel, but for people that lived in areas that Foxtel wouldn't service, so more like regional areas would get Ostar. You would know that Hannah in Bloody wherever.
You're gone, Dubbo.
So I got this job and with oz Star, I don't know what it's like now, but back then, like external third party companies would become like the salespeople for Ostar, Like I wasn't working directly for oz Stars, working for some MLM quite literally at MLM, but they sold it to me like I was a sales associate, and I would get on the train because I didn't I was
on my l's. I'd get on the train every morning at the fucking crack of dawn from Hamilton and Newcastle and I'd go out to Maitland, which is like I don't know what, thirty forty minutes on a train because that's where their little head office was, and then i'd go in there, we'd do our morning team meeting, and then we'd put on the gear like Ostar, like shirt and hat and whatever, and then we'd jump into cars and carpool out to like the local shopping centers, so
like green Hills, Rutherford, like random fucking shopping centers and like those little ones that just had like a butcher and coals and stuff. And then we would set up in the middle of the shopping center with our table and put the cloth on it and all the pamphlets that we'd have, and then I would stand there all day trying to fucking stop people and get them to sign up to a twelve or twenty four month contract for Ostar. Mind you, I'm sixteen, and.
Could you even be like facilitating signing of contracts?
At that ay and knows back then, but the company was so dodgy. I think they ended up getting in a heap of trouble down the track. And there's a lot of companies like that.
Is it actually an MLM? Yes?
Because I was not getting paid by the hour, right, I was only working for commission, okay, And then the guys that I was working with kind of like owned the MLM company that I was working for, and like they were pushy, so like I'd be talking to a customer and then they'd like steal the customer off you
and like get the sale. And I only worked there for honestly, like three or four weeks, and then like there was weeks where I would earn zero dollars and I was working full time what because like, do you know how hard it is to fucking stop someone that's just gone to Woolies to get a few things and sign them up to a twenty four month contract. Mind you, this is before Netflix anything like that, so it was more popular for people to have foxtail and stuff like that.
But it was really fucking hard. And I'd say, that's the most random job that I have ever had, And you know what, I'm confident now. But I couldn't do that for a job now, So I don't know how at sixteen I actually had the fucking courage to stop people in the middle of the shops and be like, Hey, do you want to sign up to this twenty four month contract?
I couldn't do any of that. When I worked at Domino, so used to ask me to go and stand on the side of the road and wave the big sign. I'd do that no way.
I saw someone doing it, a new Guzman that opened near us the other day, and I was like.
Also, speaking of MLMs, can I admit something to you just before you wrap up this podcast?
What MLM? Did you sign up? Finally signed up to a few in my day, I used.
To be part of MLM allegedly, I guess. I don't know if we can. I don't know if you're allowed to call them actual MLMs and pyramid schemes, like, I don't know if you're like we'll say allegedly, you know, yeah, But anyway, I don't actually mind that I did this, because I actually don't regret it. I was a a consultant for the body shop at home.
Yees see, I feel like the body shop is one that I can excuse ye, right, that's what I thought, too good, Like they had their at home thing. My cousin was one too, and she did really well. See I can like forgive a few of them, like tup aware. I'm like, that's fine, Yeah, you can be allegedly MLM. Yeah, like nutrienttics back in the day in Avon, like our mums used to have, but all the others Now.
We were a tup of ware household. Like if it wasn't type of weir mum wouldn't have it in the house. She was obsessed with tupperware. And the thing is that she's still or the type of war yeah thirty years later, but yeah, I was MLM. I was MLM. I was a consultant for the body shop at home. I actually loved it. I was literally going to people's houses and doing body shop. We go, We're going Mango, yeah, Mango,
body butter now. And then I'd have to get in my car and go and drop everyone's body shop products off to them. And I did it because I worked at the body shop. And then my contract ended and I was only there for like Christmas casual and then it.
Doesn't feel as MLMY because they have their stores and they got their stores.
They're good products, and I never signed anyone up. I wasn't about that. I loved the Body Shop back then. I was like, so I wanted to sell the products and wanted discounted products for myself as well. I was like, well I get a discount. I genuinely was like, the Body Shop products are freaking fantastic, so.
So g body butters. I wanted to do.
That, so I didn't mind, and I don't think it's very MLM in my opinion, Like it obviously is like they definitely had a big push on that and they had ended all that though, haven't they. Yeah, I didn't do any of that anymore. But I never signed up anyone up. I was never into doing any of that. I was just in it for myself and obviously that's how you make the big bucks, and I absolutely didn't.
I remember I would again do those parties and after getting my commission, maybe walk away with what one hundred and forty dollars. It's like all that work, dropping everyone's stuff off, and then the order is actually setting up the party, going there, hosting the whole.
Party, making sure your kids full you know, like.
The hours compared to the return on the investment wasn't great. But I feel like, I know this sounds bad, but we should start.
An MLAM because I can love to because that's the only way. All those people you see who have made millions, they're one of the first ten people in the company, you know what I mean, because they're just making money off the.
Thousands of others. I feel like that's what we need to do, is just create an MLM. I have some ideas. We'll go over them in another episode or brainstorm them.
All right, Well, everyone can look forward to our new MLM that we're starting. And because you've listened this far in this episode, you are already signed up to the MLA.
Yeah for sure, So pay us four hundred fifty nine dollars.
Is that how much is to sign up?
Yeah? Okay, yeah. And is it like you've got to get your kit, You've got to get your kid with all.
Is it like a nearly paid just.
The one kid, and you've got to top it up? Yeah, okay, got to top it up.
And we'll be coming out with new things for your kid every month, and you have to buy the new yeah, yeah, yes, yeah.
We're going to be billionaires. Dell can't wait. Other Kylie Jenner.
Well, that's it for another Close Friends episode. Matt any final words, Okay, see your love yea bye,