Hemorrhoid Sufferers... You Are Not Alone!

This podcast is being recorded and produced on gadiical Land.

We pay our respects to the traditional custodians of this country and elders past present.

We extend our respect to any First Nations Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people joining.

Us today always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. Welcome to close friends, everyone. Mitchell's still here with us?

Hello, Hi Gorge. What's happening.

Not much covering for Brittany today.

I don't feel like I'm smart or adult enough to cover for Brittany because I did that thing that most people do when they're coming onto someone else's podcast, You listen to the last few episodes to familiarize yourself, and I was like, we're talking about wills and I'm like business insurance. I was like, I'm not fucking.

Adult enough for any of this. Oh yeah, but I think it's fine because it's a balance, Like she's doing all that, duh, I'm doing nothing. I don't have a will. There's nothing to put in the will anyway. But you know, but it's funny you say that, because that is High Scrollers. Like when we first started High Scrollers, it was meant to be just like, what's trending on the internet. Well, that just went out the window not very far after we started the whole thing, and now we just talk

Perfect, that's where I come into the equation fucked up stupid.

Shit and then close friends is even like diving deeper into that, Like we really can talk about anything. So if there's anything you want to talk about, in fact, you know what, I'll take one for the team and I'll kick it off. Really, we'll go somewhere that we've never been before on this podcast.

All right, let's go hemorrhoids.

Okay, I currently have my first one.

Ah, welcome, welcome, So you've had them before, Yeah, not like I'm not currently okay, burdened by one, but I have had it before. It's very humbling.

We'll see. I'm not opposed. We're not not opposed. I'm quite familiar with an anal fisher. So, okay, an anal fisher is like a little tear in your bumhole and obviously every time you go to the toilet and relieve yourself, it stings. It's not a pleasant experience. So anal Fishers I've had a few times in the past. I have spoken I think as well about when I had my gallbladder out and then had to be on painkillers. You know, some things down there were so solid it actually just

Isn't it Careful? Don't push it because they can pop.

Oh well, can you go? Is that painful? It's just your.

More blood than you'd think there should be. Okay, yeah, not good. I know. I discovered mine when I was, you know, just after a number two doing a wipe, and I was like, what for the love of God, is that okay? So we've got the creams and shit? Well, I had a cream for the anal fish.

Unfortunately, I did get it out of my bathroom cabinet today to put it on, but it expired in earlier in the year, so I don't want.

To told me earlier Pop got my left over of a cream they thought about toot sweet.

I'll go and have a look. Hemorrhoids also known as piles, a swollen veins in the anus or rectum that can cause a variety of synders. Can you please Google go Google Girl for me? Oh, here we go. Causes straining during boo movements. Now that hasn't happened, chronic constipation or diary. Well, I'm not usually now that I don't have a gall bladder. I'm hardly ever constipated. It was just the time from the painkillers. But now I'm I'm more on the.

Yeah, I don't. I remember had of the spectrum pregnancy at the causes, and I was like, I've not done any of these, so I don't know. This shit doesn't discribe.

It heavy lifting now, I've been doing a lot of heavy lifting lately. Actually, fucking heavy lifting? Are you doing?

You get someone else to do it for Yeah?

True, and not right? Swelling and redness, Oh no, that's the symptoms hang on being obese. Well, I'm on the spectrum somewhere, and a low fiber diet could be a low fiber diet. I don't know how much fiber I've been having to be honest, you know.

If it was too low, like the stores wouldn't be ideal.

Okay, there you go, prevention a high fiber diet. So maybe I've got to get some more fiber in.

Yeah, this shouldn't be new shit. You made a musial lifesaver.

It says external hemorrhoids often resolve on their own with a few days to several weeks. I don't know if I could deal with it for several weeks. It's also not external. When they say external, how external are they talking because it's kind of just inside.

Yeah, it's like it could easily become mixed.

He's a diagram.

Okay, so I've become become external because it's not very too deep, is what I'm saying.

Okay, so mine's an internal it's just in. Yeah, because that diagram there on Google, I'm going to put mine down as an internal hemorrhoid. Really yeah, well, I don't know. I'm trying to just yeah, I'm literally squirming in my seat.

I don't want to get too graphic. But how internal? Because again I discovered mine when I was wiping my ass after a number two.

It's not far in. It's not that far in that What the fuck is that to tie it up with a rubber band? Surely I'm not going to get to that stage. Oh no. The photos on Google are absolutely harrowing everyone. Yeah, oh yeah, do that one? That one's covered? It says, can I look at it? Says this image.

Make it was covered for a reason.

It cover that back up anyway. I'm just I wanted to say quickly to anyone listening who maybe deals with hemorrhoids. I feel your pain. I'm now part of the hemorrhoid family. I hope this is my one and only hemorrhoidarm.

Was the one and done?

Oh, one and done? Okay, gorgeous, But yeah, you got to get.

The good cream. I think I had to get a prescription for it. Okay, yeah, it would sort it out real quick.

Did you have to show the doctor?

No, you kind of mistake your word for it.

But then why do you need a prescription? I don't know.

Maybe some doctors would be like if you if they don't know you from a block of star if they might be like Ben, dave up, prove it. My doctor was like, you know, I'm a regular. She's like, yeah, okay, writ no worries.

I'd hate to be a doctor. Did you know we've spoken about this on the podcast already, I think, but prostate exams no longer need a finger up them.

Really what they do?

I don't know, maybe just a blood test or something. I think Brittany asked exactly the same question. I still didn't know the answer. No, Google girl, this is a very health specific Close Friends episode. Have you got any health issues going on at the moment you want to talk about it. You got any anal fishes.

Or any are covering from my burnt legs? How do I streat that it's true?

So do you need finger in? This is what Hannah's googling. Do you need finger in bum for prostate inspection? So it says you don't need a finger up the bum to diagnose prostate cancer. Okay, scroll down, it's a simple blood test. You're right. Well, who thought it was a good idea to stick a finger up a bum? Who was the.

Doctor that put the word out being like, we actually don't need to do this anymore, you know, completely unnecessary, stop fingering your patient.

Yeah? Who was the doctor who said, you know what, guys we need to be fingering their patients. I reckon he needs to be investigated because it's all gone wrong here.

And after all, someone goes, actually, why are we doing this?

I don't need to do this at all? Oh my god, Well that's topic one of close friends. We could go see, this is the thing. We talk about so many things here, we've gone that end of the spectrum, other end of the spectrum. It's your choice.

I don't even I'm trying to visualize what the other end of the spectrum is, because if the ars is one end, what's the other end, other end of the rectum? What are we dealing with?

I don't know you ever had a parasite or a tapeworm? No, you ever had any healthy shoes like that are a bit weird. I know you're exploring botox under the arms.

Oh yeah, I've I was whinging about constantly sweating, and then because my ADHD meds, the dexis they raisy body temperature. Even in the dead of fucking winter, I'm sweating and

Nice because I hate I hate sweating, and I am someone who I would always I can always run like I would always rather be cold.

Yeah.

I love the sun. I love summer, but I hate sweating, and I hate being so hot that it's uncomfortable. I would rather, you know, step into a shopping center that's like ice cold than one of the air cone's broken and it's sweltering in there.

Oh, I hate that.

Now.

I went to a smash room on the weekend. How was that because I fling hot?

Oh?

I would have enjoyed it a lot more because they give you these like huge overalls to wear for one, which I thought that's excessive, But then I realized that like I would have just been cut to buggery. There's ship flying everywhere in the stufs room, but yeah, there was no aircon and it really ruined it for me because I was so sweaty and discussing. It also made my hair go all gross from all the bloody dust

And what was the feeling of doing the smash room? Because for me when I went and did the smash room with my friend, you know, obviously it's like designed or advertised as come and get all your rage out and you know, smash the things at the wall and like get angry and get all get all the anger out of you. For me, we threw our first plate and we fucking pissed ourselves. Like for us, we just laughed for the whole half.

It was more that it was more for the fun of it because it's always been my dream. Yeah, this is like a little bit fuck to say, but I've always said that if I was ever heaven forbid on my deathbed and I've got one of those make a wish things My make a wish would be for a teato sort to allow me to come in there with the hammer and just fuck up all the teapots, you know how they've got them immaculately, immaculately placed in like a pyramid. At the tea t thoughts or these gorgeous teapots.

Thought, what if I just play came in with a baseball.

Bat, And so I've always had that dream, And then I found out smash rooms or are things. So it's just the novelty of being able to break shit. You don't even have that much anger. It's just fun.

Yeah, I know, that's the thing. We were just laughing.

We're hissing ourselves at just being able to do something we've never done, like smashed a plate on purpose, Like it was just so because society tells you you're not supposed to exactly in fact, what society thinks if you want to smash a plate to.

It, you know.

And I was so tempted to because I had like optional up like add ons that you paytra for. If you pay forty bucks, I'll give you a microwave. You can fuck that up. They had all these add ons. But I was like, I reckon, they'd be harder to smash than you actually think, because one time I was trying to smash an internet modem because I hated this

Didn't you set it on fire?

Yeah, because it wouldn't break. I ended up with setting it on fire, do you I don't canh that's right?

And then didn't you weren't you meant? Weren't you asked to delete it?

Or yeah?

Yeah, I was by a different brand that you were working with because it was a bit violent or something or.

No, it was during the time back in the day when we were trying to get our podcasts off the ground, and our management said, it's not a good look for you to be burning shit on the internet when you're trying to get a contract here. Oh, it was more just not a good look Mitchell.

Yeah, true, because all eyes would have been on your profile.

Yeah, at the time, what sort of person are you about to hire? And then they came and that's the sort of behavior I'm doing, just setting shit on fire.

Nah, isn't it funny how like life changes, Like the amount of blood, sweat and tears we had to put into getting trash Ali off the ground.

I wasn't even allowed to burn. Sheit on the internet, I know.

And then we literally both have because you have your podcast? Is it just me? Which sadly is ending, But if they've.

Listened, if not too late, we've got a couple of weeks left, but then you've got five years worth of binging. Yeah, if you want to catch us, and I'm on a few of the episodes as well, many episodes, it's possible. But you're one of our most frequent.

Guests, yeah, which is an honor. But I will say, if you are going to go back and listen to those episodes, just remember I changed my mind about every three months. So anything I said in.

Those pod that makes me so anxious.

Or I could never go back and listen to even high scrollers. We've only been going for just over a year. I couldn't go back to listen to some of our episodes from six months ago because I go whatever I said, then I either don't stand by I think have changed blah blah blah. Do you know what I mean? And also, hello, we're comedians. Sometimes we just have to get to the butt of a joke.

We have Also sometimes I really mean what I'm saying at the time. But then I'm like, oh, because when people tell me they're going to listen to old episodes, I'm starting from the start and binging. I'm like, oh, fuck me, what have I said that I will later contradict, Like there was a point in time that I ranted on the podcast about how much I hate cats. Now I'm a proud cat mum. I love my little girl. I've gone off dogs. If anything, I want to listen

My mind again. Yeah, legit, You'll get rid of Isabella and you'll have four dogs round and round. We need to Can we do a poll on our Can you just poles on Spotify for episodes?

I don't think you can anymore. I tried to do that for they just have a comment section. Actually, no, you can do poles.

Oh, I don't know. I was going to do a pole like cats or dogs or something, but fuck it, we'll do it in the broadcast. Change. Yeah, you're right, you're right. Now, you're right, you're right, you're right. No, that's all good, all right, Well, anything else you want to say, any parting words for our scrollers here Mitchell, that you want to say before we wrap this one up.

Oh I'm on the spot. Thanks for having me.

That's all right. You'll definitely be back in the future. And of course, don't forget last time. We're going to tell you buy tickets to our show. The link will be in the show notes. It's called Can't be Bothered. It's coming to Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. But you're probably already aware you're just lazy and haven't brought you tickets yet. Yeah.

This can be your Christmas present to yourself, or send the link to other people in your life and be like, this is what I bloody want. Yeah, I don't want some shit fucking candle or whatever. Make it this please or what I really want.

Buy you and your entire friend group tickets for Christmas. Good call, yeah, good always thinking, always thinking. Anyway, thank you for joining us Mitchell. If people want to follow you online, where can they find you?

Just at Mitchell Combs. No e in Kombs by the way, that's the psychic Yeah, common mistake. There's two of us.

That's the psychic body. Ill forgot about him.

When people google Mitchell Kumb's tickets, they're like, why am I getting a reading at Illa? What are real? They go to the wrong fucking show.

No, that's not real. Well, thank you for joining us for close friends, Thanks for listening, scrollers, and don't forget. We'll see you next Tuesday.