Hey, humans. How's it going? Susan Ruth here. Thanks for listening to another episode of Hey, Human podcast. This is episode 424, and my guest is Vex Bennett. Vex is neurodivergent on the autism spectrum with OSDD, which is other specified dissociative disorder, and is a host of a system of alters.
Vex is also a Therian. Therians identify as a non human animal or animals while knowing they are human, but relating spiritually, psychologically, and or emotionally to the essence or behaviors of the animal. Therians are not furries. That's a big misconception. I had a lovely conversation with Vex and learned a whole lot. It was interesting also because I grew up in a family that had complicated emotional stuff going on, and Vex as well has complicated emotional stuff going
on. And I think it's important to hear these stories because, you know, the world is made up of all sorts of people. And the more we know about each other, the better off we'll all be. It brings us into a place of empathy and humanity and compassion. And Vex is is lovely, and I really, really enjoyed the conversation. General Stuff, Hey Human Podcast, is now on YouTube under official Susan Ruth. There's other videos on there as well of me performing and all sorts of stuff. But just FYI, the
the podcast is there. I'm on Patreon at susanruthism, and it's really helpful, all of you who are becoming my Patreon people, because this is an ad free podcast and it helps support the show. TikTok, you can find me at susanruthism. Check out heyhumanpodcast.com for links and to learn more about my guests in the show. Check out susanruth.com to learn more about me and my other artistic endeavors, and follow susanruthism, that's s u s anruthism,
on social media. Find my albums on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your music, and rate, review, and subscribe to Hey Human Podcast on iTunes or Iheart or Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts. Alright. Thank you for listening. Be well. Be kind. Be love. Here we go. Vex Bennett, welcome to Hey Human. Hi. It's so good to be here. Thank you so much for inviting me on. It was the last thing I expected. Well, expect the unexpected. True. True.
I saw one of your posts. I'm trying to remember now if it was on Instagram or TikTok, but I was intrigued by your story, and I thought, well, I'm gonna reach out. We'll see what happens next. So I'm so glad you're here. Where are you from? What shaped you as you were growing up? I am from California. I grew up in a suburban area. Growing up, I lived with my mom and my dad and my older sister. I went to pretty much just, like, a normal school. I grew up with some close friends who live nearby.
I was in, like, a weird social clique. The neurodivergent children who, you know, weren't diagnosed for anything but very much had something going on, we all kind of gravitated towards each other. We were a tight knit group, moved around a lot, didn't really stay in one place for more than 4 years. Military family or Oh, no. We were just renting houses left and right. I'm not sure why we didn't buy some place and settle down. Probably just money issues, but we weren't poor or anything.
We were very comfortable. And as, we went into high school, unfortunately, my parents did split up. Well, middle school then into high school, parents split up. So, it was a bit rough having to adjust to that, go back and forth. I did end up finding a different group of friends. I'm still in touch with some of my elementary school friends, but it was a big adjustment. I struggled with mental health a lot and identity.
Nowadays, I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I kind of know who I am more or less, and I'm happy with it. Yeah. I mean, and we all have room to grow. I've I feel like I'm a different person than I was when I was a teenager, for sure. I'm a different person than in my twenties and so on and so on. And, I mean, the space to grow into who we are is so important, to have gentleness with oneself.
Absolutely. I was very fortunate that, I have a family that supports me, wholeheartedly and kinda knew I was gay before I even came out. So they kinda saw that coming, so they knew what to prepare for. Sure. I imagine the anxiety around telling people who already know is is really trippy because Oh, yeah. They're they've just been waiting, but they have to give you space to to come to your own decision about it. Essentially, yeah. I remember coming out to my dad and he said, Oh, I know.
And I was like, What? I was thrown for a loop to say the least. Yeah. Well, I'm glad you had a support system, and you have a support system that's super important. Yes. I'm very fortunate. Do you still have siblings? I do have an older sister. Yes. Okay. So, your youngest child, like me? Yeah, I'm the youngest. I don't look or sound like it, but I'm 21. I often get mistaken for a 16 year old. Yeah, you could pass through a teenager, for sure.
Yeah. Another reason why I don't even bother to drink yet. I'm curious as you because you said you were moving around so much and you were struggling already a little bit with identity and also just anyone who falls into the neurodivergent camp. It's it's already hard for us to find tribes. So how did you go about doing that? Did you have the wherewithal, in other words, as a young person to to
be able to handle that? I did not know I was neurodivergent until I reached maybe my late middle school years. As a child, I just thought I was weird and different. My biggest hyper fixation was books. So, it was very easy for me to be pacified if I was handed a chapter book. But in, in class, I very much struggled socially and, with sitting still and focusing. I used to bite through my pencils to the point where I probably wouldn't be able
to use them. When you struggle like that, it's easy for the teachers to write you off as misbehaving. And when it came to social groups, I only ever fit in with my little clique of fellow autistic children. Yeah. Who understood each other. And I was very much seen as an outcast by everybody else. I wasn't interested in the typical things that other children my age were.
And as I grew up into middle school, I started realizing that I was depressed and I had severe social anxiety and general paranoia to the point where it was physically debilitating. But when you aren't aware of that and you're, you only think that there's something wrong with you, you struggle a lot. At the time, it felt like I didn't have a good support system because I would try to explain to, my family, something's wrong with me. I can't focus. I can't get something done for the life
of me. I can't sit down and do it. Even if I know it'll ruin my life if I don't. Having to try and educate my family on that while not understanding it myself made it very difficult. It became hard for me to reach out to them for any sort of help, and I was it felt at the time, like I was constantly being ridiculed for it, which looking back now is unfortunate. I just realized that they didn't know any more than I did. But in my senior year of high school, I finally started getting
evaluated for things. I took an autism assessment. I got diagnosed formally with ADHD, PTSD, clinical depression, and, general anxiety. That's a lot to carry for a kid. And, I mean, the truth of the matter is high school and junior high is, in my personal opinion, hell on Earth.
And we've got all these kids who are suffering their own kind of anxiety over who they are or what they're supposed to do, even the ones that seemingly had it all together now as adults, we can look back and go, oh, they were just as messed up. They were just different messed up. You know? The kids that are chewing the pen caps, like myself, You know, we know now what that look what that is. You biting your pencil in half, we know now what what that is.
We didn't even have the benefit a handful of years ago to necessarily connect the dots. One of the reasons I was excited to talk with you is because I think we live in a world where more and more humans are disconnected even within their own families. And, you know, I go out and I see parents not talking to their kids at all and just sort of everyone's on their own devices or doing their own thing or suffering their own private hells.
What would you say to the parents who have kids who are struggling or maybe are showing some sort of sign, but they're not really sure how to, how to put their finger on it. What would be some advice to parents? As somebody who went through that, I would my advice would be along the lines of, if you think that your child is struggling in a certain way, or if you're worried that they might be, or if you notice your child is different, reach out with your child and talk about it.
And because you might get some insight into the life of your child that you may not have previously had and hearing certain struggles, you might think about it a certain way. Like you like, oh, my child struggles with paying attention. They must just need that extra motivation. That's not always the case. There is more often than not a neurological component behind it.
And I realize that for the older generations, it is the there's a roadblock there when it comes to realizing that because people don't realize that it's more probable than they think. Back in the day, the reason that you didn't supposedly see as many autistic people is because they didn't know they were autistic or they were forced to mask. Autism I had to explain this to an older family member of mine a couple years back. Autism does not only come in the form of being a nonverbal 5 year old.
There's different forms of it, and your child may have a form of autism or ADHD or some other, disorder or something going on, some sort of neurodivergency that you just may not expect based on the symptoms that are shown. Or you may not recognize them as symptoms. And to have patience to know that if you ask your child, these questions to know that they may not have the answers or know how to articulate their feelings yet. Yes. I know when I was growing up, I
well, I still am growing up. When do we ever stop? But when I was younger, I struggled articulating how I felt. I turned to music. I turned to cosplay. I turned to other forms of, self expression and it didn't seem to reach, deeply for other people. And I realize now that's because I experienced the world differently. Mhmm. So I'll put, Let's talk a little bit about the complex PTSD. Do you feel like it's tricky enough to navigate this world without developing PTSD?
Because, again, especially for somebody in your generation, I imagine in my generation, everybody was scared of a whole lot of stuff. In your generation, I think and and mine too. I mean, we're all connected, obviously. Your problems are are my generation's problems. But we're faster at the exit door leaving behind, you know, an an yeah. A little bit of chaos, a lot of chaos. Does that feed into your anxiety or are you able to disconnect from that? Do you think?
Well, your anxiety coupled with complex PTSD. The anxiety on its own is already a lot to have to deal with because I have to explain it in this way. The anxiety disorder is like having your flight or fight reaction always active. And that's a lot to fathom. The PTSD itself comes from, like, it it's actually sourced from something or a series of events. So coupled together, it is a a load to bear. Going through the world itself without PTSD is already
a lot to handle. I I can't it's hard for me to articulate it. You we already, as humans, struggle with, our own internal feelings and how we're perceived and, figuring out who we are. And with something like PTSD, stopping oneself from expressing themselves, from existing as themselves, or doing certain things as simple as leaving the house or wearing what you want to wear out of fear of a certain event coming back, it's it can be hell on earth.
You just have to learn how to handle it, and it doesn't make life any easier to, have those it doesn't fix anything is what I'm trying to say, to have certain coping mechanisms or to go through expecting what's going to happen, but it can make it more manageable at the very least. That makes sense. I saw on I think it might have been on your Instagram that you had put, you're part of a system, a dissociative disorder system. Are you do you have a a personality disorder, or do you have
what does that mean? Because I know there's a bazillion different things that we have there's so much to know. Yeah. OSDD is Otherwise Specified Dissociation Disorder. OSDD does fall under the DID umbrella, which is dissociative identity disorder, which was previously categorized as a multiple personality disorder. OSDD is a form of DID that is slightly lesser where the effects are and the symptoms are maybe not as intense as full blown associative identity disorder.
However, it is still very prominent and it is enough to be classified. My experience with OSDD as a whole system has been very complicated. Up until about a year and a half ago was when we started to do more research into it and accept, Hey, maybe there is something wrong. We can't remember huge portions of our life. We forget faces and names incredibly easily. We don't remember big life events. We don't remember what we had for breakfast.
And another thing is we're more comfortable referring to ourself ourselves as a we more than anything. Do you have what you have identified as, other I hate to use the board personalities because I feel like that doesn't really give a justice to the complexity of it all. My mother is DID, so I grew up in a house with that experience course that's on what they called it again. Yes. Yeah. There was really absolutely particular personalities that would come through.
It seemed like some of the characteristics that would come forward, we had little self awareness of the others. The thing I would say about that is that everybody experiences their DID, OSDD, whatever, their journey differently. There are definitely a lot of systems to have little awareness to the others. There are some that are very well aware and there are some that are in the middle. With our personal experience, for a majority of our life with this disorder, we were not aware of it.
But we started going to therapy, started getting diagnostic processes done, and now we are more or less aware of, of a good portion of what goes on in Headspace and what happens outside of it. The form of OSDD that we have, it's the type where we do not experience full on blackouts very often. We more often have grayouts and the amnesia is still heavily present.
So we're usually aware when a switch happens or when another we call them alters, when an alter comes forward or is in co consciousness. That being said, it is difficult because we don't remember a lot of stuff and we have kind of a code where we don't talk about it online. We really don't want to get fake claims for it,
or hated on for it. And only a handful of close family members really know about this, but we think it's about time we come forward with a lot of speaking about it even without getting fully into the the meat of it. That when you say something like a gray out, is that meaning that you have a sense of it, but so you are aware that there is an alter doing things, but you don't have maybe as much control of it. Is it kind of in that regard? Or It is somewhat in that regard.
For us, the gray out typically means that we're not present mentally in the moment. We're pretty aware that an altar is there. So when we as as Becks, when me, Becks, comes back into full consciousness, we will remember the gist. Like, usually remember a gist of what happened. Like, oh, Haruto fronted for a little bit and talked to somebody. That's usually all we would really remember. That's what I mean by gray out is it's not a full on blackout because we have a somewhat awareness.
Is there any kind of, agreement with the alters? Let's say you all keep a journal to keep the others in the know, or is there really specifically some altars like Vex doesn't get to know him, this is to protect Vex? Or I mean, I imagine, as with my mother, there were different ages, and there were little kids, there were older men, There were all sorts going on, and of and they were very specific. And my mother remembers barely anything ever.
So and it Yes. It makes me wonder, you know, wouldn't it be so much simpler if the altars kept a log, for example? But I don't know how much teamwork is going on. With us, we don't relegate ourselves to always having a journal to write in to refer to. However, some of the alters do prefer to write. I know, Judas does prefer art and, writing down poems. That is, like, kind of a shared interest with the system is writing things down and drawing.
I wouldn't say it's a routine that we have, but every now and then, we'll look through one of our journals or one of our sketchbooks and be like, hey. That wasn't who who did this one? Like, that's a little like, that's that's a little strange. Don't remember this one at all. Yeah. And we have a, a thing that we've started to do, actually.
We have started to keep a journal as of recently that we plan to be consistent with, where we start writing in a cipher because we are very afraid of somebody finding the journal and reading it who shouldn't be reading it. That's another thing that my neurodivergency does help with is being able to commit to little things like that. And, I mean, that makes sense. The the things that you and and your alters discuss are private thoughts. Yes. Yes. They're just sort of manifesting in
a interesting way. How many alters are you aware of? Right now, we are aware of 8, including myself as Vex. Mhmm. Were any of them nervous about this interview? Yes. Very much so. There's 2 younger ones that they go by the nicknames Glass and, Monster. Self chosen nicknames, so it's not offensive. They were very nervous about being on microphone for a podcast type thing. Sure. They are usually the kind that like to just play outside or read books or color or
do something. So when it does come to the hobby of, sitting down and recording something, they get very, very nervous. If they are near front for that, they usually put up a mask and just pretend to be somebody else. That makes sense. I mean, it's it is scary to to talk about things that are both societally looked at as as unsure and uncertain, and, of course, film
intelligent doesn't help. I think it's getting better, but I think in previous eras, it was made to be this sort of monstrosity and not the coping mechanism and that it that it is. So, Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate that your system is is here and having this conversation as I am appreciative of you, Vex. So I just wanna make sure that they feel safe. Thank you. Are you feeling like you are operating as a team? Even if your UBECs aren't always aware of what's going on, do you do feel that?
Yes. It's taken a long time to get to this point, but we really do feel like, at least most of the time, we do operate as a team. It's kind of we see it as, like, a tag out system, tag in, tag out, even if it's involuntary. It wasn't always this way. There was a lot of times when we were going through high school where it felt like we were really against each other, and it was like, I'm gonna do things my way because this is the best way, and it wouldn't always be the best way.
How old is your oldest alter? The oldest alter right now is, like, maybe mid thirties. His name is Wulfric. He's usually a common fronter as some alters are more, inner self help rather than in front. Alright. Is your family supportive of your journey through this? Not all of them are. There are some family members that I have not told and will probably not be showing this podcast to. I do have a handful of very close family members that know and are doing their best to be supportive despite
not knowing much about this. When I've had conversations about DID with people to try and explain as best I can as somebody who grew up in a family with a member of the family experiencing this, I often say, think of it like and I'm just curious what your opinion of this, observation is.
Is that I'd say think about it like you go into a store and you're let's say you're 40 years old, and you go into a store and you see a toy from your childhood, and you pick it up, and you're immediately brought back to that feeling of just pure joy and childlikeness and all that. Maybe you experience it when you're out walking on a sunny day and you see a butterfly. That feeling then just manifests into a whole person is kind of the best way I can
describe it. And the thing is true when people say, oh, I lost my head, and I was just so angry, and I said all these things I didn't mean. And it wasn't me. Well, it was you because it's a part of who you are. That's my best way to kind of help people understand what it's like. I really like that. That is a very good way of putting it. I never would have thought of of it to explain it like that.
The the childhood example of being, like, thrown back into that state of mind as to when you were a child, that's very that's very wise, and I think I'm going to use that going forward describing that to, people I'm comfortable telling about this. In order for us to live our lives in general, any human being, we're constantly putting on masks and assuming roles and being different people, and we change our attitudes when we put on a different kind of clothing
even. Yes. Some make us feel more confident, some more sexy, some more demure, whatever it is. Those those feelings that are being elicited, I feel like are in the realm of of this sort of if you can just take 3 more steps the other way, you'll you'll kind of get a grasp on it. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So tell me about I wrote this down. Not a furry. It's a very Yes. Very important distinction. Let's talk about that.
So you identify, as part of, would you call it part of your cosplay or just part of your identity as Therion? Part of myself as Therian. Therian. Therian. Sorry. I'm saying it wrong. Oh, it's okay. I will give a very basic run through of the explanation, just for the people in the podcast who are listening. Perfect. A Therian is a person who nonphysically identifies as 1 or more animals. This can mean spiritually, psychologically, mentally,
or just a strong connection to. And I would like to specify that the core of Therianthropy is knowing and being aware that you are a human. There is a very big difference between having a favorite animal, feeling really connected to a certain type of animal, and being a Therian. Because being a Therian is identifying as that animal in a way that is, at least from my knowledge, nonphysical. Is that, do you think, part of the DID or is that something completely different?
It is something completely different. Although there are a good number of systems who also identify as being Therian, or some other branch of it. Because in DID, I am aware that there can be nonhuman alters. In short, it is distinct, but they can go hand in hand. Interesting. And you identify as a Mexican wolf? Yes. AKA the Kalupo, which is a Mexican wolf dog. And I do have a second stereotype, which is barn owl. Those are powerful creatures. I agree. Thank you.
How does it feel when you embody the spirit of those things? That is a good question. I, like most Syrians, get get, shifts which, come with getting phantom sets, which means that at times I can feel like I have the traits of that certain animal either mentally or somewhat physically. Start getting phantom sense, like feeling like I have fangs or feeling like I have claws or talons, ears or a tail. And it's a very bizarre feeling because you can move your hand and be like, wait.
There that's not there, but it feels like it is or it should be. It is not something that every theory and experiences. Everybody has their own journey with it, but mental shifts are another thing. It can feel very liberating to embody the mental state or the spirit of that animal. But at times, it's not always fun. Therianthropy is not a choice. It is an involuntary identity.
So when when I'm out with people or when with my friends and I start feeling shifty about something, I have to really try and shake it and be like, okay. Now is not the time. Now is not the time. It's like, let's put that aside from now, put it in the box, get back in the box. Well, when you do feel yourself becoming that, does it actually change how you'll behave out in in the world at large? It definitely can and does.
For example, there are times when I have been out with friends who are unaware of the full scale of Therianthropy and the mental shifts. And like I hear, for example, a dog barking and that instantly can sometimes flip a switch and be like, Oh, okay. I need to do this. Or it makes me really aware. It shifts how we act with around other people. What we tend to do is get really quiet and just be like, Okay, just stare at this. Just stare at this. Feel what you're
feeling, but stare at this. Don't break eye contact with it. It's like, that's our form of getting through it. Getting through a mental shift is just sit down, think about it, feel it, and let it pass the best you can. And what is the difference between that and a furry? A furry does not identify themself as an animal at all.
A furry is a hobbyist who parts participates in the furry culture, such as making characters that are anthropomorphic animals or cartoony or sometimes more realistic that are usually more humanized. And, a big part of furry culture is, fursuits and costumes. That is something that does overlap with the theory and community is having, costumes or masks or, partial stuff like that. Although we do have some things in common, we are not the same community. And it is worth mentioning that furries can
be Therians and vice versa. You can be part of both communities as well as just one. Have you found your community as a Therian? I think that I have. I don't have any Therian friends in real life that I can go, visit and hang out with, unfortunately. But I have a lot of, people online that are very supportive of me. I have close friends that, support me with it and send me things like, hey. I saw this and thought of you, and it's a piece of theory and media.
So I definitely feel like I found my little community or my pack, so to speak. Yes. Yes. I don't know what a bunch of owls is called. I'm curious. I'm actually not sure either. I'll have to I know, like, a group of crows is a murder. A group of crows is, has a funny name. I can't remember. I know that a group of monkeys is called a congres. Yes. I love that one. Yes. I love it. To know all those so much.
Do do you this is kind of a weird question, but when you feel yourself shifting into that energy, do you find that other animals respond to you differently? I do, actually. Yeah. Okay. Can you talk about that a little bit? Because I would think, like, dogs especially. Yes. I have 2 pet dogs at home. Their names are Moses and Lucy. They are very big dog breeds. They are King Corso
Mastiffs. Oh my goodness. And I've noticed when I have been home and I've been in my backyard shifting into that mental state, they there's a mentality that comes with it with the dogs. They start to understand and they're like, Oh, okay. This guy's being more like a dog now. And my dogs are quicker to come up to me and, like, sniff my face and, run they wanna run around with me. They, like, come near me with their toys and drop them at my feet. It's like, hey.
Come play with us. Like, there's a certain energy shift you don't get when you're not, like like, spiritually or mentally in that state with that energy. When you're presenting as Vex, do you feel dysmorphic from the rest of your alters and or your, Mexican wolf and or owl? There can be times like that. The big term that I like to use for therianthropy is species dysphoria. Now, that is a very crazy term to just throw out there and it puts a
lot of people off, but it's true. There are definitely times where we sit down and we we just feel a little dysmorphic. It's like, I would feel so much more myself if there was a tail right now or if I had feathers right now. I would look for a tail. Oh my goodness. Right? Oh my god. I'm not a Therian or a furry, but my whole life, my friends can attest to this. I have always, always wanted a tail ever since I read Geek Love when I was in college.
Oh, yes. Yeah. There's always that's what I like is that there's always common ground with, people even if they don't identify with or as a certain thing. You still can find those things in common, and I think that's what's beautiful. I agree. Yeah. I agree. How badass would it be, though, to have a little flicking tail, real long and lean? Oh, yes. Or, like, a little fuzzy, like a peach fuzz? I just think it'd be so sexy.
It would be pretty cool. It would definitely at least for me, it would help boost my self confidence a little. Even if, you know, there'd be people who are like, oh, tail, and they'd pull on it. It's like, yeah. Whatever. There'd be less miscommunication, I feel like, because one of the ways we understand the animal kingdom is by the movement of their tail. Yes. That is true. And by the ears and such. Yeah. Oh, it'd just be so cool.
It would be. Yes. So when you have all of this going on in your life, and I'm glad you're you're doing therapy. I hope that that's that's helping. When you've got all this going on in your life, what does that mean to how to function out in the, let's just throw quotes around, real world? Well, we have to be very aware of social cues. We have to be very aware that there is a time and place to show certain parts of yourself.
Unfortunately, that's just the way it is. There's not going to be people who are always gonna welcome you with open arms regardless. That's something that we have struggled with is there's a time and place to fully express yourself, and there's a time and place to keep the lid on it, so to speak. Mhmm. Sure. What about things like going out and making a living? And does that make you nervous? Is, are there any systems set up out in the, in the world to help you with that?
There are indeed, programs that can help us function and get a job and get accommodations that we need going forward. Right now, we have been unemployed for about 3 years, which sucks because we are getting legal benefits. What that will help us do essentially is help us get legal accommodations we need with any job we go for. When we do get a job somewhere, they will have to it'll be on legal paper. Hey. You need to accommodate Vex for these
things. And these are things you need to be aware of when you hire Vex. Is that any job that terminates us for being mentally ill or having these struggles, legally, we'll have some issues because that job, hypothetically, would have hired me going and knowing that I legally needed it to be accommodated. I would imagine though, from the perspective of an employer, especially with your entire system, all having their own traits and abilities, that it's almost a bonus getting you.
You know what I mean? Because you have all these extra things going on. I would suppose so. Yeah. Unfortunately, a lot of, places will not see it that way. They will just look and think, oh, that's a very unstable person, unpredictable. We shouldn't hire them. Right. Well, that's why conversations like this are so important. I agree. I very, very much agree. My mom, when she would change, there were subtle differences to her face. She smelled a little different. It it I
don't know. Just I could always tell even though nobody else in the family seemed to be as aware of it as myself. Do you find that your system also has distinguishing traits that slightly change you? Yes. Absolutely. We've had to ask some of our friends, about this to get some clarification. Wulfric, for example, he's a very as a very common fronter, we have been told that when he does front, our face just kind of, droops a little bit, becomes more relaxed or melancholy.
Our voice tends to deepen and get a little less lively, and we tend to speak more frankly about certain things. Just one word responses or think or or, like, speak very logistically about things, than we normally would. Yeah. Interesting. And we've noticed like, we've we've been told with a very polar opposite, altar, Judas, that when they front, they get very physically lively. They get bouncy. Their face brightens up, and they want to pull people in and just be like, Hey, let's go do this.
They tend to just be have very bizarre behavior, not in a bad way per se, but more so eccentric and energetic. It's all quite fascinating. Do you have any good resource just for the people who might be interested in learning more about this? Was there any kind of book that your family maybe was given or that will help people understand it better? We did most of our research looking into websites that were written by psychologists and people who have, this disorder
or branches of it. There isn't a specific book or anything that we have, gotten to read, about it. I would say if anybody at home is interested in learning more, do not learn from TikTok. Do not learn from, social media because although some things might be true, you are going to get a handful of things that are going to be wrong. You're gonna get a lot of misinformation.
Please do look into websites that, like I said, are written by psychiatrists, psychologists, people that are, very, very much qualified to speak about these things. Even though something may be rare, it is not out of the realm of possibility. We have been told by people before that we, there's no way that we could be a system because it's rare. And, that never really made sense to us. Yeah. My response to that is we don't know what we don't know until we do know it.
Exactly. I I love how you phrased that. Yeah. I was born with a paralyzed right vocal cord, and I cannot tell you how many ENTs, new ones, when I go to them and I say, I have a paralyzed right vocal cord, and they say, that's impossible. You wouldn't be able to speak. And I say, let's do the camera up the nose trick, and you will see that it is very possible and, in fact, a fact.
Indeed. And then those peoples understand that it isn't impossible because there are people out there that experience things. Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. That's such a frustration for me that that people say that to you or to anyone.
Yeah. I did have a conversation with a family member at one point, that was trying to convince me, like, no. You are not a system because it's rare, and there's no way that you would have another friend who is also a system. It was only after meeting this friend of mine that we started to, like, really do research into it and then realize, hey. That lines up with a lot of what we have going on. Not everything per se, but a lot of it.
And it took a lot of time after that to even come forth with speaking about it. Listen, like, if you are going to try and find your community with this magical thing called the Internet, you're going to find a group of people who goes through something similar. Absolutely. And, again, this is how we find ourselves is by the mirror of others.
So if you come across somebody that's experiencing things that you're experiencing, I mean, that's to me, that seems like divine intervention to help you understand yourself. It definitely did help having a friend who was diagnosed with this and living through it and having someone to talk to and ask questions to. In my understanding also of DID, a traumatic event or series of events created the mind deciding it needed to protect
the host. And once you are taken now I know in my mother's case, taking her away from the thing that traumatized her did not solve the problem. So I think a lot of people expect that once you're out of danger, that somehow you will reintegrate. But, I mean, I'm here to say that that doesn't happen as far as my own personal experience in my family. Can you speak to that a little bit? Yes. That does not necessarily happen. Being able to fully integrate again is not something that all systems,
experience. There are, like, a good portion of systems that never fully integrate into the one being again. And although integration usually is seen as the goal with, the the system, it's not always the goal for certain systems for their own reasons, their own personal reasons. Perhaps it can be scary. Perhaps they're just not able to. When you are out of the danger zone with the traumatic event or the series of traumatic events, you are correct. It does not just go
away. It does not vanish or disappear. It is a personality disorder that sticks with you from then forth. And in our case well, not every system remembers what their trauma is or what the series of traumatic events was. There are definitely some that do or have an idea of what it was without the details. In our case, we know that one of the big things was sexual assault. It was sexual assault and being suicidal and having, a lot of how do I articulate? Having an outside force
that was very demeaning on us. That is my thoughts on that. Integration is not always the goal for every system, but more often than not, it usually is. Makes sense. And as my mother ages, she's pretty old at this point, she, doesn't switch really as often or even I've noticed that many of the people I recognized when I was younger don't seem to, whether or not they're around, they may be around, but they don't come forward at all. Maybe there's less need for the others.
I I don't know, but that's what I'm assuming. That definitely could be the case. I honestly, I wouldn't know. I haven't met a lot of older systems, but I I would assume, as the years go on, there might be less need or, most alters may have integrated or have become inner self help rather than outer self help. Yeah. It's a good way to put it. Well, Vex, tell people how they might find you if they wanna follow you on social media or are you comfortable with getting that
out there? And if not, that's okay too. I absolutely am. I am on TikTok as valorvex75. I post videos about Therianthropy, crazierness to it, and sometimes just of me hanging out with my friends. I am not active on Instagram, but if you do wanna follow me, it's the same thing, valor Vex 75 or just valor Vex. And as I've said before, we don't really post about,
the DID or the OSDD stuff. If there's any otherians out there who want to see a creator and just get some information on the identity of it, I do plan to make more videos about it. And thank you again, Susan, for having me on here. Bex, I really appreciate you coming on the show and being open to talking about your life and and getting just more education out there for the things that you're experiencing and who you are, and I'm glad you're in the world navigating it.
I think it's important to have all different kinds of humans on the planet. I agree. Yeah. And Therians and Mexican wolves. Yeah. Yep. So thank you so much. And I do wanna say for anybody listening, who is struggling right now with their identity or feeling that they're out of place in the world, you are just as valid as anybody else, regardless of what you're feeling.
And if you really feel like there's nobody else out there that's going through what you're going through, just know that there's always gonna be somebody who understands, even if it's not on the full level that you would really hope for. There's you're always gonna have common ground with somebody. Find your tribe, find your group, and you'll be the happiest you can be. Well said. Here's here here to that. Thank you, Vex, and thank you for listening, everybody. Bye. Goodbye.
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