Welcome, heroic men. Today we're going to be talking about why so many people are using the inner child work and it might just be a bunch of BS. Yazin is in the room. We're going to be talking about this subject this morning. Yazin, the floor is yours. Thank you, Pisa. Yeah, he's like Pete said. I know for some reason, but there seems to be this thing we speak to so many men, right?
And and and so many men will will tell you well, you know, we've joined this program, hired a code fundamental doing psychotherapy, whatever, because we want to do in a child work, right? And honestly, if I have to say something about this, it's fucked in a child work, right, guys, Honestly, when it comes to when it when it comes to coaches, especially people, people act as if NHL work is a new thing. It was discovered yesterday or last week, right? It's not it.
Psychologists have been doing doing NHL work for the last like 190 years or whatever. And almost always it's like it's the 1990s in psychology again, Like for some reason, whatever old is new again and too many cultures and gurus and in South have orders have been doing NHL work. Cool again, right? Except for the fact that honestly, it isn't guys, I'm going to repeat this for you guys. They do need a child work, right? Isn't cool.
So back in the day, just for a little bit of context, back in the day and before we knew better as therapists and psychologists, right, we'd help clients to go back to their childhood. And the belief was, was that I did that with you because you were still stuck in some child developmental stage, right? And, and, and, and the stuckness was reaching on through the years. And it was like a ghost or, or, or some demon possessing you, right? And it was haunting you.
It was wanting your presence and keeping you repeat this. Can you see this is the reason why why we did in a child work was because we, we believed right and still do right, That, that, that, that, that that you were stuck in some child developmental stage and in the stuckness, what was reaching out through the years, right? And like it goes to US haunting your present and keeping you stuck. And again, the problem with this right is we look at it
backwards. And the problem with looking backwards is, well, if I'm looking backwards, guess what? I'm not looking around right, but looking forward, right? My focus is what's behind me, right? And so the strip backwards, right, Carl Young had a word when he had a phrase with he called you the child archetype, right? And so think about the child, right? By its very nature, when we were kids, we were disempowered, right? When we were kids, we were, we were apolitical, right?
And so you see this when you talked about the child archetype, he said that they're based very needs. The the child archetype is apolitical and it's disempowered, right? So the the the child archetype, right, Like the little kid has no real and meaningful connection with the present world, right? It's called in the past I didn't. And so the, the what, what does the adult me do? The adult me says, well, well, what can I actually do about my world? You know what?
I'm, I'm on the right of the political spectrum. Now we have a left wing government. Well, what can I do? I'm on the left of the political spectrum. We have a right wing government. What can I do? Can you see this? The, the, the adult in me says, well, what can I do actually do about my world, right? I have problems with my relationships. Well, what can I do about my world? I'm not happy at work, but what
can I do about my world, right? And, and, and and then the part of you says, well, you know what, this thing, your relationship politics, your work issues are bigger than me. Do you see that that why? Because it's the child archetype talking for the for the little child inside of me, right? All of my issues, all my problems, right? All my challenges are always bigger than me. And So what do I do? Will I think to myself, I need to sort this out? So I go, I hire a coach, I hire
a therapist, I join the program. And with this belief that, you know what, if I work on myself, on my growth, they're going to myself, right? If I work on my development, even if maybe I finally find the parenting that that I so desperately needed when I was a child, maybe I find a support group, maybe I join a 12 step program, then you know what? Maybe finally I will be whole. I will be, I will be enough.
I'll be whole again. That is honestly, this is so much fucking bullshit right because here's the thing about becoming whole becoming whole requires the intensity in the now I'm repeat this for you guys they're becoming a whole right doesn't require you to be intense in the past. It requires you to be intense in the now right. It requires you to be active in the present right. It's not about excavating the past. The last time I checked, none of us were were named Harrison
Ford, Indiana Jones, our job. We were not archaeologists. We have no work excavating the past because here's the thing, when we do right, when we do in the child work, when we, when we emphasize the, the, the child archetype, when we spend hours and hours and months and years evoking our childhood and reconstructing our childhood, Do you know what I'm doing? Well, I'm literally blocking myself from engaging with the present. So let me repeat this thing.
Can you see this? The, the, the, the if I say, well, you know what I'm going to do in the child work, right? So, so now I'm, I'm emphasizing the, the child archetype, right? I'm spending hours and hours and months and weeks and years and whatever evoking my childhood, right? And reconstructing my childhood. Well, guess what? I'm literally blocking myself from engaging with the present. I've, I've literally become, or we as been have literally become a cult of inner child worship, right?
You see this. And when we do that, we'll guess what? We literally just empowering ourselves when we should be moving forward. So instead of moving forward, well, what am I doing? I'm just, I'm just empowering myself, right? And then what do I do? Will I delude myself into believing if I do the work, I'll become wealthy? If I do the work, I'll become more powerful. If I do the work, I'll be become more lovable. If I do the work, I will finally be enough, right?
We assume that inner work, right? He's the same as worldly power and wealth and prestige. You can see this too many of us do this. We think, well, if I do the work, if I join a program, if I find a coach, if I find a therapist, right? I will finally acquire worldly power. I'll acquire wealth. I'll acquire prestige. Guys, if that's true, right, then ask yourself, why are most people who go for therapy? Why are most people who hire
coaches? Why are most people who do inner work in self development without those, without those things? Because the truth is, for some of you, you've been doing personal development for years and years and years. Well, guess what? You don't have Willie power. You have no wealth, you have no prestige. Because guys, do you see this? Because we join programmes like this, right? Why do I join awakened man? Why do I join heroic man? Why do I hire a therapist?
Well, it's not to acquire worldly power and wealth and prestige. I do those things to learn about feelings, right? I do those things to learn to, how to really remember how to find the size again. I joined a program to, to, to, to learn, right, how to find words for invisible things, right? How to go to, how to go deep and how to face my darkness and, and do you see that, that anybody do it right?
If I learn about my feelings, if I learn how to really remember, how to fantasize again, if I learn how to find words, invisible things, right? If I learn how to go to, to go deep, if I learn how to face my darkness, if I do it right, well, then you know what? Maybe I will attain wealth and fame. Maybe I'll attain power. And, but all of those things is, as Victor Frankel said, all of those things, the wealth, the fame, the power, right? They, they, they come as a byproduct of it.
And and then on the other hand, maybe you won't ever can you see this that unfortunately right more than it in the social sciences, there's a fallacy, right called post hoc ergo Proctor hawk, right? I'm going to repeat this figure. There's a fallacy in doing social science research, right, called post hoc ergo Proctor Proctor hawk, right.
And for those who were not all grew up on your Latin, it literally means that because one event happened before another, the early event caused the the later one. So what does it mean? It basically means that because one event happened before another, we then say that the early event caused the later one, right? And yes, it may be true in some cases. Well, guess what? I'm not. I'm not looking where I'm walking. I stabbed my toe and then I shout out, right?
But it is not necessarily or always true, right? So some of us will say, well, you know what? My parents beat me as a child, right? And now I have trouble controlling my anger. Well, guys, guess what? Your parents hit you as a child, right? And yes, now you've travel controlling your anger, right? But we can't conclude that the one cause the other. So you know what? Perhaps it did. But but, but, but it may well be
irrelevant, right? Because even if it were causal, right, there may be many other contributing factors to your anger, right? So, so let's go back to the example. Or stabbing your toe, right? It would be obvious that they're not wearing shoes, right? And leaving junk on the floor and rushing across the room to answer the phone in in the dark, right? Are all causal events, right? But do you see this in the complicated Stew of your past, right?
The question is, can every ingredient really have appearing on on on on your issue at hand? Make honestly ask yourself, did your mother's rage really teach you to be explosive when you're angry? Or was it your father's coolness? Was it both? Was it neither? Right? Do you see that they're casting back over the events of our life, right? Looking for causes of our current difficulties, right? It's further problematic because there's so many connections that that that we can't ultimately
see. And guess what? All of us, our memory isn't perfect. Heck, those of us can't remember what the heck we did a week ago, let alone two weeks ago, a month ago, a year ago, right? And, and, and now and, and now we're wondering about, well, what the fuck did I do 20-30, forty years ago? I guess you can see this, our memory isn't perfect, right? So guess what? Some important facts will be forgotten, right? And, and, and many irrelevant details will be remembered, right?
And, and, and, and so then The thing is, in all of the, the, this mining of the past, what does he do? It all he does, it turns up fool's gold, right? But, but, but you and your coach, you and your therapist take it on as as if you've just stepped a major vein of wool. Do you see this, that, that, that, that if my memory isn't perfect, right? And, and, and, and so I forget some important facts. I remember many irrelevant details, right? And, and so I spent all of my
time mining the past. But you see that all he's ever turning up is fool's gold, right? But then what do I do? Well, me, my coach, my therapist, we take it on as if we we've just stepped a major vein of ore right and and and at best, right. You're going to waste a shit ton of of time on irrelevancies and wrong turns even if you eventually arrive at your destination, right? And so the other thing with no need laws to guide us right is a canvas of physicists hairs,
right? How the fuck do we even know what makes what happen right if in principle anything could have caused anything else, right? As long as one preceded the other. In our case, we'll not wearing shoes caused me to, to stun my toe, right? The the, the, the, the danger is that that once I have a theory right, you know what I can do? I can just pick out the items that fit my theory and disregard the rest. I'm repeat this. Can you guys see this?
If, if in principle anything could have caused anything else, right? Then the, the, the danger is that that once I have a theory, I just pick out the items that fit my theory right? And then I disregard the rest. I I see way too many men. So men will go and read a book on attachment theory, I think. Well, guess what? Everything in my life, right? My partner is behaving the way she is. His attachment theory.
My mother was like that attachment theory, my behavior in the present attachment theory. Do you see that? That's what we do. We literally pick out I have a theory to explain my behavior and other people's behavior, and then I pick out items that fit my theory and I disregard the rest, right? And as Abraham also said, right, if the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer, well, guess what? Then basically everything starts looking like nails. But in in in.
Guys, here's the thing. Even if self help became a precise instrument, even if we became a precise science, right? What good would finding the cause of your current discomfort do? You, I'm repeating this figures. Can you see this? Ask yourself this question. What fucking good would finding the causes of your of your current discomfort do for you, right? Would having a label or being classified as uncomfortable make you feel any better? Let's ask yourself this question
right? If I did just a label to myself, if I classify some behaviors uncomfortable, right? Will it make me feel any better right. This one I get up in the middle of the night, I have excruciating pain in my mouth, right? So I have a cavity, right, But knowing that I have a cavity
doesn't stop my tooth pain. Going to the dentist and getting getting it filled as can you see this understanding that I have an ache and headache, right, because I was punched too hard it at BJJ, at karate, at boxing practice, whatever doesn't make me feel any better, right? But taking a painkiller does. Do you see this? Yes, absolutely right. In the case of the cavity, we should absolutely improve our dental hygiene, right? And and indication of the
martial arts. We should yes, we should Polish our defensive skills to avoid similar pains in the future. And, and yes, some people will be relieved by discovering the source of the psychology, right? And and some of us will be able to see a course of action that they will be bring relief once we understand the cause. But but but guys, again for for far many to for far many too many of us, right?
But pointing the cause won't be enough to help us repeat this for you guys did it for way too many of us, right. But pointing the cause, excavating the deepest, darkest parts of our childhood, right, won't be enough to help us, right. So we'll spend months, we'll spend years digging until we we hit pay dirt, right? And then our response is likely to be and So what? My mother beat me. So what my father yelled at me, he was called So what, right? Knowing the cause of our psychic
pain, right? But having no Ave. to reduce it will actually make us make some of us feel even worse. I'm repeat this for you guys. They'd knowing the cause of your psychic pain, right? But if you have no Ave. to reduce, it will actually make some of us feel even worse, right? Knowing that I'm depressed because my marriage is falling apart, right? But only increase my depression since I can't go back and change
the past. Can you see this that, that, that knowing I'm depressed because my marriage is failing or falling apart, right, Might only increase my depression since I can't go back and change the past, right? And then the second major problem with coaches and self gurus now wanting to do therapeutic work, right then in order to do psychiatric and psychological therapies, right, is that we have to mimic the medical model.
And then and so as clinicians, right, we, we licensed by right, by relevant authorities in our countries and health insurance covers us at least partially, partially, right. And so medical doctors are trained to diagnose and treat physical illnesses. Psychiatrists and psychologists will be trained to treat medic mental illnesses, right? And here's the thing, right? Guess what?
So on day one of grade school, right, one of the lecturers in psychopathology told us a joke to illustrate this point. The patients who came early for the appointment, right, we diagnose them as anxious patients who come late, as hostile patients who come on time, as compulsive. I'm going to can you guys see this? The joke was told by psychiatrists themselves, right? Who knew full well the difference between literal and
metaphoric illness. But guys, it's not funny anymore because their difference, right, has been blurred by too many coaches and gurus, right, who who read the book or, or do in into what Thomas says calls the myth of mental illness, right? And, and so medical problems, right? What do we call them? Well, we call them syndromes, right? And, and, and so wholesome syndromes have been observed, documented, research and
understood. So for example, Down syndrome is, is caused by a specific genetic sequence, right? Whilst the rest syndrome is, is a specific brain dysfunction that that manifest as as agitated but but not dangerous gestures and vocalizations, right? AIDS are quite immune. Immune deficiency syndrome is caused by a retrovirus, HIV, right? There are attacks and disables the immune system, right? But then, but then we get to mental health diagnosis, which too many of us tend to do, right?
We diagnose ourselves, we get our coaches, our therapists diagnose us. So, so let's, let's take something like like Gulf War syndrome, right? What the fuck does that even mean? Well, apparently it means that some people who served in the Gulf War, I'm feeling well, right?
And, and, and no one knows, right, or no one is saying whether the, the, the, the, those members of the armed force were exposed to biological agents or chemical toxins, whether their problems are medical or psychological or both, right. And so make it a diagnosis like alpha syndrome, right? It sounds incredibly scientific, but it, it reveals no new or useful information about the problem. Do you see this? It's literally an an example of circular thinking And, and, and
well guess what? Do you know what happens when when I apply circular definitions of literal literal physical illnesses to metaphorical mental mental ones, but we literally end up in a zoo of so-called disorders, right? So, well you know what? You have an unresolved emotional problem stemming from a past and peasant experience.
Well, guess what, in, in, in every psychologist and psychiatrist and therapist Bible, AKA the DSM or the diagnostic and statistical metal, it becomes a mental illness, post traumatic stress disorder. You can see that. Well, you know what you have an unresolved emotional problem stemming stemming from a past and present experience. Well, we thought, well, you know what we're going to label, label it a mental illness. You know post traumatic stress disorder, right?
Is your, is your child having a problem learning arithmetic? Well, guess what? There's a good, there's literally a good chance it's because a teacher wasn't paying attention in, in, in teacher school, in teachers training, right? Or maybe a teacher doesn't even know how you know how to be arithmetic, right? Or maybe because current teaching methods claim that the right answer to 2 + 2 is equal to will whatever number makes the student feel good, right? Well, but guess what?
In in the DSM, it becomes a mental illness, developmental arithmetic disorder. You can see this, right? Are you disappointed because you didn't win the latest lottery? Well, in the DSM, it too becomes a mental illness, lottery stress disorder. The the question there is, would you still say get treatment for yourself or your child if you were confronted with this kind of diagnosis? Well, guess what? Don't ever say no because it's John Peterson rightly points out about the DSM.
Your refusal literally becomes a mental illness. We've now labeled you as non compliance with treatment disorder. And guys, honestly, this would be fucking great if if it was science fiction or comedy, But but, but honestly, it it it masquerades a serious science today, right? And and which brings me to do so many men's use scapegoat ADHD. Like let's go back 50 years, 40 years. In 1987, the American Psychiatric Association voted in voted in attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder. Right is a mental illness, right? And they did it by fucking ballot. Guys, please, I'm, I'm going to repeat this for you guys. In 1987, the American Psychiatric Association right voted in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder as a mental illness by ballot. Literally we have ADHD today because Americans, not brats, not French, not Germans, not Aussies, not S Africans, not the Chinese, not the Russians, not Brazilians.
Americans decided that there's a new psychiatric disease called ADHD. And and and the question is how the fuck did they even decide? Was it based on science? Maybe, right? But they did it in a fucking ballot. Well, guess what? In that year, in 1987, half a million American children were diagnosed with ADHD. In 1996, it was estimated that 5.2 million children, 10% of American school children were diagnosed by ADHD, right? And So what was the kill for this epidemic? Ritalin, right?
Whose production and sales in nightmare sky sky side effects are fucking skyrocketed, right? And do you see this? It's fucking great for the drug business. It's great for the pharmaceutical companies. Well, not so good for our children, right? And again, right, there isn't one shred of medical evidence that ADHD is caused by any specific brain disease, right?
But guess what? It's a claim that justifies pronouncing millions of American school children, millions of pretty school children, millions of men, right? Mentally ill. Do you see that? Did literally, if I say I have ADHD, I'm literally justifying to myself in pronouncing that this what? I'm mentally ill and well, guess what, I can now, I can now drug
myself. I can drug my kids by coercion and then I record these diagnosis of mental illness on on, on, on on the children's permanent records. And this guys, the question is why are so many normally healthy foods have been in at times and all the children having trouble paying attention in school, right? And yes, you know ADHD is one possibility, but they are fucking many others, right? It could also be because it is we've said so many times on on our course.
Too many children have have absent father syndrome. No no father present to motivate them, no father present to discipline them. Incompetent teachers, no subject that are left to study, no standards that they demand any learning notice that they evaluate any knowledge. Incompetent teachers and and and and parents were indifferent, right? It could also be because men really standards have been replaced with mindless slogans,
right? And there's no moral authority at home or school to inculcate virtues in in in in in in our kids, guys. And then what about us is men right? Do you see this? Did did our children literally suffer right because maybe me as a father, right? I'm never present to motivate them as a man right? I have no baseline standards right? I pride myself on mindless nonsense, glean from dumb self help books and influence the greater education right? We don't join the army anymore.
We had no corporeal authority in self-discipline. We don't believe in God right? And and so well, guess what? We have no ethereal authority in false discipline too, right? Literally right. We have as men today. We have no philosophy, we love by, we have no virtues to, to defend our masculinity. And then, well, guess what? The, the, what does it do to our children? Well, the educational system is literally transformed from a part of learning the minefield of, of debilitation, right?
If my dad doesn't pay attention in school, well, guess what? He's got ADHD. If I complain about this kind of diagnosis, well, well, I've, I've, I've now got attention deficit disorder, denial disorder, right? And and, and again, do you see the, the, the one problem with this approach, right? Is it all the so, so-called disorders, right? They aren't tested according to any scientific criteria. Well, you know what in a child work, it's, it's never been, been, been, been been tested,
right? According to any, to any sort of scientific criteria, The, the, the, the, the declaration or suppose supposition right there, there's something exists without evidence to pick it up, right? It's literally what philosophers call ratification. Guys, I'm a therapist, I'm a psychologist and I can tell you they're a psycho psychiatrist and psychologist, right? We are all fucking experts at refined syndromes and disorders. We dream them up, right?
So I dream up a syndrome and a disorder and and then I find symptoms with people in in quality evidence that the illness exists. I'm repeat this for you. Can you see this? This is what we do as a profession, right? We fucking experts at refined syndromes and disorders. We dream them up. We didn't find symptoms in people in quality evidence. Did the illness exist, but in whatever benefit is to be gained from from proving symptoms like that right. There's also a huge fucking drawback.
It living for us as many dead as the power of inquiry. It makes us think that we have answers when we actually don't. Right. So well, guess what is a man? I feel unhappy for no reason. Well, I believe it for that is UN is unmediated depressive syndrome. Yeah, I see it all the time like to drum your fingers on your desk. Now you've got percussive
digital disorder. Do you guys see this in in years pragmatism again to ask where the fuck that does any of those glasses mean, right and and the only way right to have a true lasting solution to a current problem right is to work at it in the present, to resolve it in the present, to learn from it in the present, right? And then applied what I learned to the future. Yes. Any questions? Nice. So it's like focus on the past that keeps you in the past.
Yeah, absolutely. You see that they've been spending all of my time, weeks, months, years in the past. Well, guess what? That's where I'm focused. And then, well, just I'm now importing the child archetype. This empowered, apolitical little part of me, right? It literally looks at life challenges and says, well, you know what? This is too big for me. This is too much for me. Well, what can I do about it? My relationship fails. Well, what can I do about it?
I suck at work. My work environment sucks. My boss is driving me crazy. Well, what can I do about it? Don't get along with my, my siblings, my parents, my children. But what can I do about do you see this, what we want, what we need to do, right?
The only way to have a true lasting solution to to to our current personal problems, right is to work at it in the present, to resolve it in the present, to learn from it in the present and and then apply what I've, what I've learned to the future. Yeah, thanks man. Makes complete sense. All right, guys, until next time.