Parents Anonymous: The Butt-Dial That Ended A Mothers' Group

So you're listening to another miir podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We have recorded this podcast on the Gadigul people of the Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torres Rate islander cultures.

Hi.

It's Annalise Todd here from this Glorious mess introducing Hot Pod Summer, one hundred hours of curated listening across the Mumamere network, just for you to escape the chaos and enjoy with the kids at home and the weather warming up. We've got episodes of little love Stories and Parents' Anonymous to share. From the beginn to the yang. Parents Anonymous

Notes Parents Anonymous welcome to this glorious mess. I'm Annalie's single mum to two twain boys, and I mute my kids sports WhatsApp groups. And I'm Stacy Hicks, the exhausted mum of a very strong wheeled three year old girl. And the bags under my eyes a country road I got them on sale. Do you like them?

Well, I would say they're more giving Gucci. I feel like more high end than that.

Thanks, I appreciate that. So today, Stace, we're launching a fun new episode within your Glorious mess weekly feed called Parents Anonymous. Yes, Parents Anonymous is part church confessional, heart game show and a whole lot of laughs, if we do say so ourselves. The concept is pretty simple. You tell us a story and get the guilt off your chest,

I think that's the best kind of competition. I agree, I would like to be crowned worst parent. So we put a call out to our listeners through TGM and Mama Mia for your confessions, and from there we invite our favorite three to step into the confessional and spill the guilty tea.

Yes, and we've never heard these before, So we're giving you two minutes to tell your story, and then we decide the best one based on hilariousness and creativity and worse parentness and worse parentness.

Yes.

Absolutely. On today's show, we have a dummy fairy, a dating hotline. Oh that's on brand for me, and a donating child.

Okay, I'm very intrigued, me too. Oh I can't wait.

Here we go. I tried to get my child to stop using dummies by inventing something I like to call the dummy fairy.

Picture this.

I dug a hole in the garden, the dummies were placed inside. We sprinkled a little bit of glitter on the whole, and then when they were distracted, I put a toy truck in its place.

I feel so embarrassed in my child that they fell for that, But oh well, it worked and now they don't.

Use a dummy.

The dummy fairy is not groundbreaking.

No, I was just about to say I wanted off at this point. I invented the dummy fairy. I thought this was my genius idea when my three year old had to give hers up as well.

Yes, but Stacy, did you go out into the garden and bury it and give it a funeral? No?

I am giving her massive props for that because I didn't. I just made up a story about the dummy fairy and the next day they were gone.

And then not only did she give it a funeral, but it got resurrected like Jesus in the form of a toy.

I love it. I really should have thought of that. Actually, very impressed with this. I like the commitment. I like the creativity, the child I liked doing in return, the religious symbolism of it being raised from Yes, love it. I think it's great. Okay, well, there's nothing to go first out of ten tactical parenting. Well, because she beat me, she committed to the lie more than I ever would have. I'm going to give her nine trucks out of ten.

Hmmm, that's very generous. Look for the resurrection, for the religious symbolism, for the commitment. The glitter as well. I like the glitter. That's good. I'm going to give her a solid eight trucks out.

Of ten trucks, or your hard market.

I like it. I am all right. So what have we got up next? Donating children? I've thought about turning mine on eBay. Let's see if it comes close to that.

I was out shopping and the shop assistant wanted to cut on my newish second child. I got chatting to another shop assistant and then left the shop, only to be chased down and reminded that my baby was still in the store. I live in a regional town and it's quite a small community, so I am absolutely mortified and haven't gone back to the store.

Oh, that's nothing to be embarrassed about. She's busy, she's shopping, she's got two kids, she's outnumbered, and if it's a new baby, she's tired.

Exactly. I have lost count of the amount of times I've been driving with my child in the car and suddenly she'll make a noise and I go, oh, I'm a mother, like I actually forget for a moment that she's there, when she's quiet for a change. I mean, it's not great ideal to count your children before you leave the store.

And it's good that she lives in a regional town. That's safe in that instance as well. Exactly exactly in terms of leaving a kid with a stranger, it's a small community, that's good. Yeah, so no harm was done, the child got returned. I have threatened my kids before that. I was going to put them on eBay and I was thinking, like, I've gone there mentally and I've said it to them. I think that's worse. What are you scoring her?

We've got her deduct points for forgetting your child, but we also totally understand why you've done it.

That's your marking system, not mine.

Do I sound too judging? I probably do, But look, I think it's a great parenting confession. I think a lot of people probably keep things like this to themselves, but they do it more than they like to admit. So I think it's good that we just get these out in the open. She probably feels so much better now she said it. We've all secretly wanted to leave our child with a friendly babysitter for a few minutes so we can catch our breadths.

So on eBay.

Yeah exactly, I'll give her seven point five.

Oh okay for oversharing, because you know, like that's that is your man truck brand. So for the oversharing and the fact that she could like people like you would think, it's really bad. I'm going to give her a nine out of forgetting her child. Out of ten, I think, go go, you love it. What do we got last?

I feel like we've kept your perfect one And for last, dating hotline is an ext one line.

What she has to say.

I am a single parent and was out for coffee with my friends, telling her all about my plan to go out and have mindless sex with no strings attached for the next twelve months, very intricate details. I got to my car to leave, and my car said, do you want to transfer the call to the car? I thought, that's strange, I'm not on a call. Well yes I was. In fact, I'd called the school mom's group chat for twenty two minutes.

Oh my god, our jaws are on the floor. Stacy like, if this is not a visual medium, but if you could see us right now, our jaws are on the floor.

This is not something that happens to us very often. We had never lost for words, never never, But.

Here we are.

This is my worst night, very in any situation.

I'm clutching my purse, and this is something that I possibly would do. That's why I'm so upset for her, Like that is literally something that I would do. This why you needed two minutes is long.

That's a long time. This is why you need to check that the phone is off or away before you start getting into the nitty gritty.

SERI is not listening and doing things.

I really want to know more about the fallout. I really want to know what happened and how many people.

Heard the details, and if they committed to the full twenty two minutes, because obviously I would.

There is no way on this earth I would be hanging up on that call. If someone accidentally called me and I was hearing the nedy gritty of their dating life, I would be listening to every single second of it.

So corn straight to the microwave. I'm afraid to.

Say, I think everyone heard everything you had to say, but I think everyone would be very jealous of what you had to say.

I agree, actually, and I think this is not a shameful one. This is the walk of fame, not a walk of shame, exactly. They'll talk about you for decades, So he's jealous. Yeah, and this will be the story that they tell to their other mum friends in the best possible way. I mean, I look at that legend, the great sex life, off she goes the spring and her step now you know why.

Yeah, I don't think she should be a shamed by this at all. I think this is brilliant. And look at the great table fodder that she's given to other people to talk about with their friends. Like sometimes when you're a parent, you can get really boring, like you're not doing that much, You're not getting out and doing as much as other people. So really, you've done a public service by sharing this story. I think it's great.

And for that, for your active service, for the service of others doing God's work. I give you, Sexy Lady a solid ten out of ten.

I give you ten butt dials out of ten. Well done.

And if you've got a confession, we would love to hear it, Like we really really live for this. We want to know it and just get it off your chest. Release better out than in. As the old saying guy.

You'll feel better once you tell us.

We promise send us your secret shame. You can be completely anonymous or leave a voice note or email. We just want to hear from you. All the details are in the show notes.