Pata Fria is off her meds. Crystal has PTSD from a popular love song. Compliments from women are the only ones that matter and Orcas have had enough. Being naturally funny makes anyone attractive and you never know what’s coming when Carolyn is on live. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com...
Jun 13, 2023•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 217
Crystal has a serious announcement. We have an official HD tattoo. Americans sometimes have to share prescriptions, Carolyn is a natural liar and she might have some secrets. Pata Fria has some excellent post-breakup advice, Big Mama got her groove back and having standards is actually really important. Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head o...
Jun 03, 2023•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 216
Pata Fria drank a cigarette and feels sick. Nations loves us therefore we’re famous. RIP Tina Turner. Be careful doing whip it’s, Nicki Minaj is embarrassing, men are not our favorite and the universe has been picking on Crystal. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com...
May 26, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 215
Pata Fria is the birthday girl. And also Stevi. Mother’s Day was lovely, Crystal’s parents are inappropriate and our background noise is always a surprise. How honest are you? We hate Walgreens and love a good crime doc. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com...
May 20, 2023•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 214
Crystal thinks she’s so funny at the worst times. Peez and Crystal have the same pronunciation, Mae and Ivan are done, Pata Fria is fired from the promo team and mark your calendars for the live show!! Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO For bonus episodes join ...
May 15, 2023•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 213
It’s really true what they say, what’s done in the dark will always come to light. What happened to girl code? Crystal is almost prom queen at the new Safeway and many thanks to Robyn. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com...
May 05, 2023•1 hr 20 min•Ep. 212
This week Hello Dysfunction got to sit in with another Bay Area podcast, Burbeck and Garretson. We got some male prospective and a lot covered with seven of us all sitting in. Follow them for more awesome episodes at Burbeck & Garretson on Spotify and Instagram.com/burbeckandgarretson Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhe...
May 01, 2023•1 hr 45 min•Ep. 211
We’re still sick. Pata Fria is drunk and off her meds. The craft supplies are out of hand and Crystal has some great white trash tattoos. Crystal’s family has more dark secrets and sharing a bed is poor people shit. Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO For bonus ...
Apr 21, 2023•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 210
Crystal loves having phlegm. Pata Fria is going thru metamorphosis. Again. Peez loves to cause a scene and cigarettes are pretty hot. Crystal’s dream ruined their new lashes, local sex workers are making everyone really proud, eating food in the bathroom isn’t that bad and the 90s were pretty barbaric. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/...
Apr 16, 2023•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 209
Rest In Peace Queen Prudence. Stand on one foot if something is wrong. Pata Fria is a single woman and will be for the rest of her life. Poppies and eagles are for Merica. Carolyn is gonna hit Crystal any day now. Uncle Jimmy wants something and Pata Fria really doesn’t need alcohol. Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.co...
Apr 06, 2023•1 hr 33 min•Ep. 208
This week we’re doing something different and sharing part of an episode that was exclusive to Patreon and we really enjoyed. We hope you like it, the full episode and video are on Patreon. Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO For bonus episodes join our Patreon!...
Mar 23, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 207
Sinus infections, vertigo and stomach viruses…oh my! Traffic has Crystal ready to leave earth and tummy tuck swelling is an unpleasant surprise. It’s now illegal to send surprise unwanted nudes in CA and Trump is going to jail. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com...
Mar 18, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 206
It’s a wild Saturday night! Crystal got crop dusted, smoking used to be really cool, don’t encourage conversation with strangers and please always ask before dropping some heavy loads on someone. Pata Fria can’t see and is still getting really manic. Crystal has taken steps to get her ADD under control and is drinking more water. Fords have no loyalty and being yourself will ultimately give you the best life experience. Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comf...
Mar 13, 2023•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 205
Crystal is planning a no dairy challenge, Peez is after all the babies, driving in the rain is scary and people are always showing up at Pata Fria’s door. Carolyn is doing and not doing whatever she wants, insulting racist humor isn’t funny and you don’t have to claim your whiteness if you don’t want to. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your question...
Mar 05, 2023•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 204
Pay your bills. Crystal is on the loose! We’re experiencing a REAL winter right now and Pata Fria’s foot is probably fractured. Mayo is really important to Crystal, Pata Fria has been leaning on God and they’re both considering starting a church. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com...
Feb 25, 2023•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 203
Valentines Day was cute, same day delivery is dangerous, we can definitely be bought and some people don’t have visual imagination! Childhood trauma is so so hard. We miss old TV dinners. Don’t let your kids date adults and Pata Fria has an album coming soon Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HE...
Feb 17, 2023•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 202
Surgery is done! Pata Fria had a rough time but she’s finally home. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, re-use your towels and Robert Crumb is basically Crystal’s family. Check out this week’s sponsor! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellody...
Feb 10, 2023•1 hr 32 min•Ep. 201
It’s episode 200!!!! We’ve been doing this for 200 years. Jimmy is alive. Happy Birthday Stinkers. Build A Bear has gone too far. Pay attention to the messages the universe sends you and don’t forget your kegals. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com...
Jan 21, 2023•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 200
Did your family swim in garbage cans? RSV is terrifying. Dnt throw away cookies and try not to pee your pants. Everyone’s info is on the internet and if you have it in you, be a Dom. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com...
Jan 14, 2023•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 199
Happy New Year!! Don’t pawn your family’s decorations for meth. Crystal was a really bad child. Girl you know it’s true is a timeless classic. Apologize in your partner’s love language! Being a woman is really risky. Movies from the 90s can be pretty great. Pata Fria is sensitive to criticism and mean parents get softer with age. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamat...
Jan 10, 2023•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 198
Welcome to the dysfunction, Crystal’s brain has fun commercials on loop. Please don’t put Pata Fria on the spot about a tip. Christmas was different for everyone this year, but let’s keep it cozy as long as possible. RIP to our HD family member Rahni 🖤 Try to stay loose if you’re in an accident and ask Crystal to show you her new sweats! For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/cry...
Dec 29, 2022•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 197
Pata Fria is really sick. Crystal has identified the local pervert. Spread kindness whenever you can and school is really a scam. Power really changes people and Crystal’s hypothetical questions are ENDLESS! Check out this week’s sponsors! BetterHelp Professional online therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners! For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO DIPSEA Dip...
Dec 19, 2022•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 196
Pata Fria is sick. It’s a painful sick. Don’t ask people if they just woke up. Keep an eye out for the local serial masturbator. If your burps stink please stay home. Sick dreams have been so fun and Suga Free is cancelled. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, sensua...
Dec 11, 2022•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 195
We’re back after a week of chaos! Please provide others with the type of service you’d like to receive. Pata Fria finally got her tree up. Vaginal issues feel like bad karma and cartel videos are great. Crystal had a visitor, Peez is cussing, grave robbing isn’t always bad and don’t accept bad treatment from anyone, not even family. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real li...
Nov 24, 2022•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 194
Nov 14, 2022•5 min•Ep. 193
We’re back and better than ever! We love men who cry, break ups are embarrassing, we love meeting listeners and don’t lie about sleeping with people. Check out this week’s sponsors! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Gladskin Gladskin is a product that works with your skin’s natural bacteria...
Nov 12, 2022•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 193
Starting out with a little ASMR. They aren’t called “windmeals”. You gotta be a little well off to really enjoy Disney. Childhood makes you the person you’ll be. Nightmares have been really rude lately and unnecessary details are Crystal’s favorite. Check out this week’s sponsor! • Gladskin Gladskin is a product that works with your skin’s natural bacteria to soothe and resolve eczema, rosacea, acne and other skin irritations. Steroid-free and non-toxic, safe enough to also use on baby. Right no...
Nov 05, 2022•1 hr 37 min•Ep. 192
Welcome to episode 191 Peez swings on everyone, genetics are crazy and we’re slowly becoming our moms. Don’t send illegal things thru the mail, Crystal has very sexual recipes and it’s so cute when you let kids dress themselves. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. If you need to wind down there are also wellness sessions, s...
Oct 28, 2022•1 hr 45 min•Ep. 191
Peez introduced this episode, Crystal serenaded our intro, Toto is timeless and Pata Fria might be drunk. There’s a new Damato in the gang, 80’s Cabbage Patch Kids are the current obsession and we got some things to celebrate!!!! War times are getting intense, don’t make a joke of adrenochrome, iron lungs are crazy and Grandmacore is not what it sounds like. Check out this week’s sponsors! • Gladskin Gladskin is a product that works with your skin’s natural bacteria to soothe and resolve eczema,...
Oct 22, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 190
Welcome. This is not a scam. Knees are getting injured left and right, Peez had a meltdown in front of the paramedics and Mexican pizzas have been subpar. Check out this week’s sponsors! BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO BEST FRIEND ENERGY Looking for your next podcast obsession? You'll be ...
Oct 14, 2022•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 189
