Hello Dysfunction - podcast cover

Hello Dysfunction

Hello Dysfunctionhellodysfunctionpodcast.com
{"_":"Childhood best friends, PataFria: a professional Dominatrix, mommy/grandma and overall jack of all trades, and Crystal: a die hard animal lover, mommy/wife, peacemaker and caregiver of MANY share hilariously dysfunctional stories from their personal lives. Navigating mental illness, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, views on current events, a little gossip, the dumpster fire of politics and so much more.
\n“Nothing is off limits and everything is funny”
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Episodes

307: Not Everyone Gets A Sandwich

Weekend unboxing, Bunny’s birthday, a fire scare and old Italian tradition. A close call, don’t let your kids join the military, messy true crime and some people are only for a season. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfuncti...

Jun 27, 20252 hr 4 minEp. 307

306: Bonsai

RIP Uncle Jimmy, Father's Day was cute, is WW3 happening and is MAGA waking up? Some people don’t deserve fans, WWF wrestling was NUTS, the government is experimenting on our brains and we’re really out of shape. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your quest...

Jun 19, 20251 hr 30 minEp. 306

305: Geriatric Prostitute

Antique water heater for sale, Crystal did Zumba, Kaitlyn’s return and unicorn searches. Bloody boots, we’re really sweaty, new teeth option and FCK ICE. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com...

Jun 12, 20251 hr 49 minEp. 305

304: Are They Cigaretting?

It’s 304 day, pride and men’s mental health awareness month! A busy weekend, Filipino karaoke and Crystal thinks she’s a poet. The boycotts aren’t over, don’t parasail alone and missing teeth can be hot. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stor...

Jun 05, 20252 hr 15 minEp. 304

303: Don't Tell My Family

Pat really likes her doctor, always kiss the judge’s a*s, root canals are bad for you and Peez is outta control. Comedy show update, tired of the credit score game, Crystal is still talking to strangers and irrational fears are crippling. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystal...

May 29, 20251 hr 48 minEp. 303

302: Take The Scissors

It’s Stevi and Pat’s birthday, mammograms aren’t that bad, Crystal gave herself a haircut and Pat is warming up to animals. Eat better for your health, is Annabelle causing chaos, parenting is sometimes self healing and bring back MTV. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldam...

May 22, 20252 hr 8 minEp. 302

301: That's Horny Time

Mother’s Day recap, Pat had a busy weekend, new possible beauty treatment and Crystal has an unwanted admirer. Miss Piggy was not ok, Pat is being set up, trust your kid’s intuition and family can get cut off too. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your ques...

May 15, 20251 hr 34 minEp. 301

300: We Both Got Gems

Avon is mysteriously at CVS, Pat is having some scary stuff, we have matching jewels and need to stop speaking things into existence. Crystal has been sad, always get the money FIRST, ghosts are active and there’s a new true crime show to binge. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/...

May 09, 20251 hr 24 minEp. 300

299: You're No Good

Pat had another dream about Crystal, shopping with Carolyn is always fun, the impending doom of having something to do and sometimes our bodies are against us. Do you believe in reincarnation? The only cool thing about a Tesla, no white shoes and an update on piss over ice. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.co...

May 01, 20251 hr 42 minEp. 299

298: Wiener Reset

Pat’s had a hard week, Mark is keeping secrets, doctors don’t know everything and we curl our twos. Elvis was carrying a child, chew your coconut oil, interesting medical devices and only fake moan for people you love. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your...

Apr 24, 20251 hr 43 minEp. 298

297: I Know Better Than You

Crystal has lips, Pata Fria had a lonely weekend, Tahoe was turnt and merch is on the way. Surgery is coming up, Pata Fria wants an old school, catch our live streams on Patreon and Elephants are really amazing. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questi...

Apr 17, 20251 hr 51 minEp. 297

296: Use It Or Lose It

The cats are in big trouble, Pata Fria is being humbled, Crystal made a medical device and all our kids are unique. Ghosts are acting up, our government is starting a lot of problems, men shouldn’t be gynecologists and don’t date violent people. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit y...

Apr 10, 20252 hr 17 minEp. 296

295: Never Knew A F*ck

We’re redecorating the set, Crystal finally dissolved her lips, medication adjustments are still happening and influenza is around again. Crystal had a kind exchange, Pata Fria is planning a vacation, the raccoons are getting too comfortable and Jimbo will always do the most. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagr...

Apr 04, 20252 hr 12 minEp. 295

294: Vaginal Water Gun

Abrupt weather changes are frustrating, Target is feeling the boycott, Aunt Flo is mean and we want Crystal back to herself. Sweet Potatoes are helping, new merch is available, some people can shoot water and don’t leave subs unattended!! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your q...

Mar 27, 20251 hr 44 minEp. 294

293: Where's My Provider Lesbian?

Itsnotreal is a terrorist state, Home Depot was not welcoming to Pat, don’t trust raggedy dentist offices and Crystal had a really close call. Going to sleep is embarrassing, sometimes you have to parent the parents, Crystal is in the Mandela effect and do not play about your credit. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria...

Mar 20, 20251 hr 35 minEp. 293

292: Agent of Chaos

Crystal is sick, it’s raining again, make sure you subscribe on your web browser and Pat embarrassed herself once again. Don’t sniff salts, we love green flags, daylight savings is causing harm and don’t snitch on your co-workers. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions...

Mar 15, 20251 hr 25 minEp. 292

291: Shut Up & Square Dance

We were rollie pollies, everyone should have exotic animals at work, Pat is a pool shark and may have got dosed. It’s time to find Uncle Crissss, women gotta do better, square dancing has an ugly history and Luigi might be coming home. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your ques...

Feb 27, 20251 hr 20 minEp. 291

290: I Have To Use My Mouth

Don’t drink a whole pot of coffee, Pat needs her glasses, all-star is finally over and watch out for red flags. Crystal was back at the hospital, tv used to be brutal, sometimes karma is on time and onions are good suckers. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/storie...

Feb 20, 20251 hr 36 minEp. 290

289: Ladies of the Night

Crystal is adjusting to a new medication, be your own valentine, Pat is working toward her independent goals and Stevi had a hospital visit. Trump is so petty, Kendrick did a great job, hoes get your heels ready and emergency responders are hot. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us...

Feb 13, 20251 hr 37 minEp. 289

288: Amen To Jesus

It’s been storming out, Mondays are for doctors appts, Pat is starting new meds and we learned a gross fact about our eyes. It’s Black History Month, practice good waxing etiquette, Peez is a supermodel and we’re just not very lady-like. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your qu...

Feb 06, 20251 hr 32 minEp. 288

287: Indian Sex Chat

It’s Groundhog Day, dementia is not for the weak, Peez is punching people and Bunny went on a date. Mark needs to grow his hair out, jail dating can be lucrative, cure for hot flashes and Pat does not offer massage. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories: hello...

Jan 30, 20251 hr 27 minEp. 287

286: Rest In Piss

We’re back! Happy Birthday Stinkers, Peez loves Sugawolf, Nyah finally got a good doctor and you might still be carrying your baby daddy’s DNA. We live in North Korea, Pat helps a neighbor sneak out, classical is medicine and don’t steal from dead people. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato2...

Jan 23, 20251 hr 57 minEp. 286

285: Do You Have Lover?

Crystal had some major dental work, RIP Cat Woman, we need a shed and car stuff can be overwhelming. Carolyn won’t listen and Jimbo might be her roommate, Pat’s phone is full of mysteries, Crystal discovered a disgusting way to get high and we love a thrifting score. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/cr...

Jan 06, 20251 hr 55 minEp. 285

284: Is He A Capricorn?

Co-sleeping is amazing, a few cigs are good as a treat, the 90s had the best shoes and stockings are Crystal’s jam. Peez loves Jesus, women are magic, don’t be a mood killer and corporations are GREEDY. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpo...

Dec 28, 20241 hr 33 minEp. 284

283: Disgusting Gender

Cults are fascinating, Carolyn’s chemical warfare, billionaires are scum and we’ve made some mistakes. Older kids are a different kind of stress, sometimes you just gotta explode, pigs contain human and nature provides everything we need. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your q...

Dec 22, 20241 hr 32 minEp. 283

282: Mark's Favorite Episode

Crystal had food poisoning and deleted our texts, Pat loves Home Depot and has been locked in with the DIYs. Playing 432hz at night might relax you OR terrorize your dreams, having kids later in life comes with a price. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories: h...

Dec 15, 20241 hr 32 minEp. 282

281: Poor People Ornaments

1970 was 30yrs ago, Pat started a new tattoo, Crystal is researching classified CIA docs and CEOs should be worried. Humans aren’t meant to be this busy, we miss a well loved bear, inspect your butthole and old people do not want technology. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us you...

Dec 07, 20241 hr 55 minEp. 281

280: Sponge On a Stick

It’s nice seeing family, salt might be causing migraines, Crystal was on a hunt for “Crisssssss” and we’re getting back in the gym. Experiences are better than toys for Xmas, Peez is thankful she’s beautiful, Grenandine is a lie and we want a rage room. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 ...

Dec 01, 20241 hr 21 minEp. 280

279: Gay Christmas Love

Pat is your lesbian aunt that loves bowling, cigarettes are making a comeback, angry kids are not fun and angry cops are even worse. Everyone’s getting migraines, monitor your kid’s downloads, Facebook groups are a good time and basketball players are weirdly close. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/cry...

Nov 24, 20241 hr 40 minEp. 279

278: Sweet Ass Ride

The universe gave us a Christmas blessing, American dental work pricing is shameful, increase your fiber and stay away from the Bad News Bears. Peez is subscribing to things, Pata Fria has a type, aliens are here and get your HD merch while you can! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Emai...

Nov 17, 20241 hr 30 minEp. 278
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