Previously on Miller High Life presents The Heavyweight Diaries. I want ten heavyweight pitches on my desk by Monday. It's coming along ridonculously amazing. I say, let's have a listening party in a week. I pray to God. Timothy Nelson, Timothy Nelson, Timothy Nelson doesn't burst in. We can listen while eating healthy treats. In the office on Monday, Timothy Nelson is seated man spreadedly at a desk between producers Khalila Holt and Stevie Lane hey Man. Timothy Nelson says,
why is Timothy Nelson in our office? I ask, I'm here to negotiate the number of heavy's weight you demand of your staff, says Timothy Nelson. We've unionized, says producer Holt, tentatively raising her fist. Timothy Nelson is our union representative. You have authorized this man to speak on your behalf. I ask why. I've never seen this man before in
my life. We all know it's a boldfaced lie. I had actually been stuck with Timothy Nelson in the office elevator that very morning, as I overheard him bore one of the studio engineers with a meandering story about how he and his girlfriend had ordered delivery from the subway
sandwich just below his apartment. It was a sad, punishingly boring tale that, after what felt like fifteen or twenty interminable minutes, climaxed in some sort of gift of the magi nonsense in which her sandwich ordered sans olives was presented with olives, and his order ordered with olives was received without a single one. By the time I finally exited the elevator, I felt as though my brain had
been soaked in white out. Now we both know that ten heavyweight pitches is ridiculous, says Timothy Nelson, no longer some elevator buffoon, but a genuine threat to my dominion. Everyone knows, Timothy Nelson continues, the amount of care and craft that goes into a heavyweight it makes every other Gimlet show sound like two leprechauns shouting in a barrel. So I'm going to assume that such a proposal is just more of your inscrutable deadpan comedy. Now, what can
you reasonably propose? Who pray Telle voted for this nightmare? I ask, my voice trembling gimblet Media editor Jorge Just Stevie says he was in the moment Timothy Nelson promised expired yogurt and Miller Highlife in the Gimlet Media break room. Oh, how will I ever find hopeful stories of sadness and regret under these working circumstances? I shriek. The shriek has
barely escaped my lips. When CEO and Gimlet Media founder Alex Bloomberg cranes his six hundred dollars haircut through the office door, knock, knock, he calls out in a sing song voice, are we all set for our listening party? Can't wait to hear the first episode of the new season of Heavyweight Union. Bylaw three oh one, Adenda two dictates that all listening parties must be supplied with olives,
both black and green. Says Timothy Nelson. I happen to have a few jars of colamadas in my file cabinet, exclaims Bloomberg. I'll be right back in mere seconds. Bloomberg would return, dressed in his listening smock, ready for a preview party, at which, save for the sound of Timothy Nelson gobbling fistfuls of olives and the rumblings of my own intemperate bowels, there would be absolutely nothing to listen to.
This has been Chapter five of the Heavyweight Diaries. The next season of Heavyweight will begin in four weeks on September twenty sixth. The best place to listen to Heavyweight is on Spotify. The second best place to listen to Heavyweight is over the stadium sound system during the Super Bowl halftime show, Sitting quietly in rapt attention with seventy five thousand tie eyed friends. Heavyweight is me Jonathan Goldstein along with Jorge just Stevie Lane, Khalila Holt, and Ba Parker.
This episode was mixed by Emma Munger, music by Bobby Lord. Our ad music is Valdi Spring performed by the Wichita State University Chamber Players. Will have a new chapter of the Heavyweight Diaries next week