#36 Brandon

Jackie, I have some good news. Well, it seems like there's some interest in turning the Heavyweight podcast into a TV show. So I was just calling to see who maybe you know who you want to play, Jackie. I was thinking, you know, maybe Rita Marino.

Don John No one's gonna watch your show.

Baby, what did you say? You wait?

I'm confused on two counts. A that you would say something so cruel and that b you would punctuate it with babe. You know a lot of people believe in this project. Why would you laugh at that?

A lot of people believe in this project From Gimblet Media.

I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight Today's episode Brandon right after the break.

Yeah, we'll just roll in there and see what's going on.

This is Brandon. He's thirty three years old and wearing a suit and string tie. His wife, Megan is in a sun dress, and together they're about to enter the new Palestine High School prom. Megan is the school's our teacher, but tonight she's chaperoning with Brandon as her date. She introduces him to the other teachers. At a certain point, they're interrupted by the announcement of prom King and queens.

Students.

While Megan congratulates her students and makes small talk with her colleagues, Brandon wanders off and observes the kids. Some are dancing, some are lined up for the photo booth. There are kids talking to teachers and others gossiping among themselves. But then Brandon's gaze lands on another subset, those aimless kids wandering along the margins alone. They remind Brandon of himself when he was a teenager and his own prom.

Through middle school and junior high I had a lot of bullying problems. That was kind of an easy target.

There were a number of things that made him one.

First, I'm like still a big guy now, but I was. I was at my biggest in high school, heaviest.

Second, Brandon tried too hard to fit in. Like the time he shaved a Nike swoosh into the back of his head.

I just thought, like sports, that's that's cool.

So it made your head look like a running shoe exactly.

Yeah. I sat in front of this kid named Cyril, and he said it looked like a hockey stick, and that was enough that everyone was like, that's a hockey stick. That is not a Nike swoosh.

Finally, Brandon was a Coda, a child of deaf adults. His family attended a deaf church and spends a lot of time in the deaf community. He says he was brought up with different social norms.

Like volume, Like volume is not a concern around deaf people and in a deaf environment, and then of course it is around hearing people.

So what is that mean?

Like any examples, Yeah, like school, where it's like time to be quiet. I was just constantly talking to myself or just vocalizing my thoughts, you know.

Then in middle school, Brandon's parents divorced. There was less space for him, less attention paid to him. He drew inward.

I think I wanted to put off a harder like you can't hurt me exterior than I really had on the inside. So wearing hot topic clothes, spiky things, black clothes, and trying to just like keep your hoodie on and get through the day.

And for the most part, Brandon succeeded in going unnoticed until the spring of his senior year, Brandon was sitting at the back of a classroom during a free period, eavesdropping on a conversation from across the room. Some classmates were talking about a prom, and among the group was a girl named Ali. She was going on about what a great night it was going to be, how excited she was.

She had like long blonde hair with highlights, big features, like big eyes, She had a big smile. M. Yeah, Like when she smiled, she looked really happy. And I think she kind of pulled me into the conversation by directing some of those questions at me, like are you going to prom? Who are you going to prom with?

Brandon had no intention of going. He hadn't a girlfriend or any prospects for a date, and he was confused about why Ali was talking to him. Brandon says they'd barely ever spoken. They were from totally different social worlds. Ali was in student government. She was popular and beautiful.

She was just really well put together, clean, and you, M, no, that's not a word I'd use to describe myself in high school. I mean, like I would like smell my clothes before I put them on in the morning, you know, like I got dressed from the floor, okay, in my bedroom.

Yeah, and yet Ali kept throwing questions at him. Why wasn't he going. If he did go, who would he take? Brandon answered in monosyllables, hoping she turned back to her friends and leave him alone, but instead she rose from her seat and began striding towards him.

Inside, I was like, uh, like inflamed, do you know what I mean? Like my heart my heart rate was rising.

With each question. Ali moved closer and closer until she was sitting at the desk in front of him, facing him. Then she did something that still flummixes Brandon fifteen years later.

She just kind of outright said, take me to prom, Like, go to prom, take me, Let's go together. I immediately had questions, questions like why, why me? What's going on? I guess I was skeptical, this is some kind of trick.

Hmm.

You know, why would you be asking me this other than to setting me up for a punchline or something like that. But no punchline really came, so I just agreed.

On the big night, Brandon met up with Ali and her friends for a pre dance dinner at her friend Jen's house. He was in the fancier part of town. Brandon showed up wearing his rented suit with a corsage and a bright blue necktie that matched Ali's stress. Before leaving to the dance, everyone lined up for a group picture. Did you like just feel like saying why the heck am I here right? What happened? Was this a mistake?

Yeah? Yeah, I would have loved an answer to that question, but I would never have thought, couldn't fathom saying it.

You know, do you still have that prom photo that you guys took?

No? To be honest, I'm not even sure I ever got it, so I don't think I ever even saw that picture.

Hmm.

What do you think you would see in that photo?

I mean, just imagining it makes me laugh.

Yeah, why?

It would be a line of like beautiful high schoolers, you know, and like me. There just feels like if your eyes set on me for a little too long, that maybe you'd be able to see that I didn't fit in.

Aliander friends look like the girls in those movies about prom, and those girls always had guys who gave them the time of their lives. For Brandon, a sense of duty kicked in.

It felt like a huge responsibility. It was like, this is going to be a big deal in Alley's life forever, and I have a big responsibility as her date to make sure that I live up to this position.

Hmm.

I was really really nervous.

Did did you guys? Did did you and Nally slow dance? I'd pretty feel like I feel like when I asked these questions, I feel like Hannibal Lecter, like I'm asking these questions from a straight jacket in a cell. Did you slow dance? Did you slow dance?

I do remember slow dancing because I remember thinking, like, it's funny that in TV shows and in movies, this is such a big deal, but it's just standing like you're kind of just like stepping slightly. Yeah, Like that's not hard. Like I was in like a hip hop dance crew and youth group. You know that was hard?

Wait, you were in a sorry repeat that you were in a hip hop dance youth group.

What? Yeah? So the church I went to was just like through a lot of performances and hip hop dance that happened.

Did you ever at any point break out any of your Christian youth group hip hop move on the dance floor? Do you do anything like on the floor, like where you spin on your back, or you didn't. You didn't want to ruin the rental. You learned to get your deposit. At the prom, Brandon pop for the Lord and locked for the Lord. He made Allie's friend laugh. And it was right there on the dance floor, the place one might expect a high school boy to feel the most

That kind of felt like a resolution of what all of Greade school was like for me. You know, I never felt safe enough to bring my true self into that space. But like, dancing around at prom with your peers is like one of the most vulnerable things you can do, and it came out on the other end of it, okay.

At the end of the prom, Ali and all her friends headed to one of their classmates' houses for the after party, but having never been to a house party, Brandon decided not to go. Do you remember saying goodbye to Ali?

No?

And then what happened after that? Do you recall speaking with her singer in school after that night?

I had to have because we both went back to school, But I don't have any specific memories of talking to her again.

PROM is supposed to stay with you for the rest of your life, and for Brandon it has but eclipsing the dancing, the music. The last night out with his peers is a lingering question.

Which was, like, why me out of all the people that you could be going with. Maybe it was one of those situations where all of these people out there are thinking, well, Ali's taken, She's totally going to problem with somebody already, I'll have to ask somebody else, you know, and then leaves her without a PROM date. If that was what was going on. Maybe maybe she just had a breakup. Maybe I was part of a charity case.

So you want to ask her why why did she pick you?

Yeah, exactly, I want to know that. Yeah. Without her, I wouldn't have gone to PROM. It would have just been another thing on my list of things I regret from high school, you know, But it's not on that list. It's on the shorter list of things that I feel. Okay, Yeah, I'd like to thank her.

I'm just nervous, which is why Brandon has reached out to me. If you get nervous, I mean, I can always jump in sure, I've just assumed I'm going to be coming along to chaperone. After the break, I chaperone Brandon back to high school. Before Brandon can ask Ali the question that's been on his mind since senior year, we first need to track her down. Her last name is Schmartz Schmutz. I'm just making that Brandon's part of a Facebook group for his high school graduating class, and

I mean, like, if I were going to use the group, it would be making a post for my whole graduating classes.

Might as well go big, like say, hey, I'm just going to put this out there to everybody.

Yeah, if you're not Ali, please don't read this.

But Ali, I just want to say, Hey, hit me up. Here are my digits. Everybody else, just lose this number. Maybe Facebook friend her.

I could do that. Yeah, I'd have to change my name on Facebook. My name hasn't been my real name for a long time.

What's the name that you operate under?

Oak Tree?

Just oak Tree, just oak Tree. I can't even find you as brand. I'd have to look up oak Tree.

That's right. I was kind of playing with what kinds of words it lets me have as a name?

Can you change your name from oak Tree to Brandon?

Probably a good idea.

Then you don't have to start with a whole rigmarole about how like my name's not really oak Tree. This is Brandon, by the way, you remember from high school. And so the mighty oak Tree sheds his leaves and his name, and the Mighty Brandon sends Ali a friend request. A week later, Brandon texts with an update. Ali has accepted his friendship. Now he just needs to send her a message. Okay, so you've crafted something already.

Yeah, would you could you read it? Sure? Yeah? Hi Ali?

Good?

So far?

Casual?

Okay? Cool?

Go ahead?

Yeah, Hi Ali. Maybe you'll remember me. We were prom dates our senior.

As Brandon reads me a draft, I focus my Keen podcast producer's ear.

By my recollection. It was your idea for us to go to prom together.

Now let me pause, sorry, let me hit pause there. Yeah, like the way that you're underlining your idea, you're not actually underlining that, though I did italicize it. It was your idea for us to go to prom.

Together.

Is that what you're saying.

Yeah, it sounds accusatory out loud. Yeah, so me.

Yeah, maybe we'll do italicize that part. Okay, keep going. Brandon tells Ali that he still thinks about their prom. He says he wants to talk to her about it. Would you be up for that? Okay, Okay, let's take a look at this here. Okay, so maybe I'll remember. As Brandon and I pour over the message, a worry suddenly pops into my head. I wonder if there's a way to work in the fact that you're married, you know.

How about just I'm married? But I'll just start with it. Hey, listen, I'm taking speaking.

As a married man. Me and my wife are wondering. That is my wife and I. We were wondering the other night after making love.

Yeah, to be doing good work, and I hope you're well. All the best.

Once we've crafted the perfect message, Brandon readies himself to hits end.

Should I go ahead and do it?

Yeah, let's do it. Go ahead, HiT's end.

Enter, it's sent.

Congratulations, thank you. A week later, Alli writes back, she's willing to talk.

So that's good. It's a positive response.

I look at you. You're you're You're giddy, You're giddy with expectation.

Yeah. Can you tell to keep wiping my face and touching my eyes?

Would it be fun to do it on a video call? Sure? Sure?

Yeah.

Do you still have the suit that you wore to your prom I'll be like, I never took it off. Any things that you want me to bring up, just kind of like conversationally, words or any upcoming projects that you want to promote or.

No, keep it organic whatever.

Cool cool, I can keep it organic cool.

Yeah.

Hello, Hello, I'm getting a little bit of static on your end.

Yeah. Hello better.

Yeah. On the day of the video call with Ali Brandon and I get on early and wait.

It feels like I'm getting back into the psyche of my high school self. Like I'm hi, Hi, Allie, Hi, how are you good?

Allie smiles a big smile full of big white teeth. She's wearing a blue pattern blouse that matches the blue of her nails.

I'll just tell you what I've seen on your profile. You live in Carmel and you have a baby.

I have two daughters, a three year old and a two year old.

Awesome, they're right here on my.

Wall, Brandon and Alley catch up.

The Midwest is just such a nice place to raise a feet. It's recruiting, but there's like a sales element. And then of course the grandparents are here.

Yeah. I figured that was part of it, just a family. It's a huge reason there.

They're always willing to.

Brandon's question hasn't gotten any easier to ask since high school. In fact, it's gotten harder. After a pause of a few minutes or even a few days, one can feign casualness, by the way, why'd you choose me? But to ask after fifteen years, there's no way to buy the way your way through it. But eventually, so.

Can I ask you some questions?

Absolutely?

I guess first, like, what are your memories of me in high school?

Yeah? So, I was trying to think of this. Did we ever have any classes together?

Probably not?

Yeah, So we met senior year, right.

I think so doesn't remember much, but one thing she does remember is that day in the back of the classroom we.

Were talking about prom, you know, as seniors do, and I think you had you were like not into going to prom right, and You're like, no, I'm not gonna go.

Yeah.

I remember, like you had to really spell it out. You were like, are you going to prom? They're not okay? Like if you were, would you be going with someone? No? Okay? And then eventually you were like you and me can go to prom? Like why don't we go to prom? You know?

And then Brandon asks this question sort of.

Like at any point did you consider having having someone else as a date?

Well, I would have been totally comfortable going by myself. So I don't have any memories of thinking like I'm gonna ask Brandon and then if that doesn't work, I'm gonna ask so and so they're just kind of like I'm asked Brandon.

That is surprising, I guess because I thought like that. It was like spur of the moment. Your friends were hearing this for the first time too.

No, no, I was very obsessed with my friends, so I'm sure that I ran it by them. So you passed the friend test.

Brandon grows quiet. It wasn't a prank. It wasn't pity. Ali planned to ask him. What's more, she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

I do remember, like you did say no. I remember you saying no, and I'm like, oh, yeah, but give him a day. I'm gonna make him go. He's gonna go with me. But yeah, you were just surprised by the fact that I asked you.

I mean, yeah, definitely hmm.

Alie pauses trying to find the right words.

You made me laugh a lot, and I remember that you were just, you know, fun to be around and goofy, and you smiled at me a lot. I remember that, you know, like I liked being around you, and if I made a joke, you would laugh at it, you know, maybe.

Feel like I was funny, which is a great quality.

You got me a corsage.

I remember that.

I remember not expecting you to get me a corsage. I'm thinking that was really nice. I do remember that. Isn't that silly? But like, I don't remember a lot, but I remember that.

So you know, I'm going to be a little blunt here because sure, was there anything else to it? Like what was there an element of something romantic?

So we probably flirted, right, But I don't know. I mean, friendship is really just the main feeling that I can recall. I'm not saying that there wasn't you know. I mean, I don't know. You're a teenager, You're feeling all kinds of things. I'm sure there were moments where I was like, oh, is this you know, was this turning into this?

Yeah? That?

Uh.

I think that I would have found that really hard to believe as a kid, you know, that would have gone against the narrative of school and what people thought of me that I had.

I don't know. I guess to some extent, I knew that we were I want to be honest, I knew that there was some people were surprised by the fact that we were going together, right. I do remember one time when I told some dude in my physics class I can't remember, that was going with Brandon and they're like, wait, what And I was like yeah, and they're like that's weird, and I'm like, you're weird.

Well.

Brandon remembers himself as a misfit. Allie remembers someone who was different than a lot of the other guys in high school. Brandon made rye jokes, he was sweet and self deprecating. She remembers things that Brandon doesn't. She says there was one time Brandon did a whole monologue about how he found it hard to drive because of his fear of hitting birds. In other words, Allie asked him to prom for the one reason Brandon never considered. She just wanted to go with him.

Did you have a good time? Eproum? Because I really wanted that for you. I spent a lot of time thinking, like, that's my role on the date. Here I go.

You know, yeah, Allie grows thoughtful.

I guess I didn't even think that, because I mean, I talked you into it, right, so then here you are kind of not stuck, but like, yeah, feeling like you wanted to make it special for me because I was the one that was all about it. Yeah, I guess I never even thought about that. I just think, Brandon, You're You're just so much more thoughtful, you know, I

Yeah, I honestly didn't even expect to be thanked from you for anything. I feel like I have to thank you because there's something really simple and superficial about this, but it felt really real that I finished high school as a person who went to prom. I got to go. I got to have a fun time and forget the misfit feelings I was having.

That's awesome. That's so awesome to hear you say that. That's really nice.

My life started to really just like blossom and grow. I guess from like the moment high school was over. And I guess I can't say for certain what that part of my life would have looked like had I not had the problem experience, but I can't say it was totally irrelevant.

Was it out of that and kind of like into that period that you ended up meeting your wife Meghan?

Yeah, it was like that phase of life when Meghan I met her.

Dress is so cute.

She looks beautiful.

This is Megan Brandon's wife looking at a photo a valley from prom night.

She looks amazing.

She looks great. After getting off the video call, Ali sent the group photo from prom, Megan studies it while seated beside Brandon.

It's also like, so cute to see you flanked by these Like I mean, I'm sorry, they're in high school, so I don't really feel like should be calling them hot babes, but you know what I mean, Like from the high school perspective, you.

Lucky looking man. But as Brandon looks at the photo, I imagine it isn't his day to the other kids that he's focused on so much as he's focused on the big guy in the middle and all the baggage that guy was carrying.

There's a lot of weird stuff about like my weight and growing up, like dieting, and like my mom like putting me on a scale and it was like, you're over this line. You know, you're unattractive, and what does it make you to feel?

Like Megan to hear that, it.

Makes me feel very protective.

For sure.

I think if we don't, we.

Really really get into squabbles. But if ever we do, what really disarms me is like thinking about that like little like young Brandon, I feel like that happened not even that long ago. Do you remember we were like standing at the kitchen and I started crying, and I was just like I had been so resentful and mad at you for a minute, and then I just like was imagining you being like a little kid and having other like adults in his life not really tend to like the difficulties of that as well as.

They should have.

I think about him just having to like navigate those insecurities alone.

But Brandon no longer has to navigate them alone. A few weeks ago, before chaperoning the prom with Megan, Brandon went to the tailor. He wanted to wear his weddings and needed her to let it out.

She was like down on her knees, like looking at it, pulling the pants in different ways, and then said, okay, go ahead and open the pants up so I can see how much we can let out. And I don't know why, but I wasn't wearing underwear. I didn't wear underwear to the tailor. I guess I didn't think that she was going to be asking that. So yeah, she asked me to open the pants and I was like right now, and she's like, yep, go ahead, and I just said, I can't do that right now, if you

Brandon was spiraling so as soon as he left, he sent Megan a text at school asking her to call him, and.

When she called me, I was fixing a flat. I got a flat tire on the way home. It was just like a shitty afternoon. So I was fixing a flat and telling her what it was like at the tailor. And then we hung up. And then she texted me later and just said like, I love you, and I love the way your body looks, and I don't think it's weird that you didn't wear underwear. I don't we underwear either. It was just like a you know what I mean. She was supportive. That fixed it almost immediately for me.

Hm.

Well, I taught him to go commando.

So I feel partially responsible.

What did you make of Brandon's question that he's had through the years, Why did Ali invite him to the prom in the first place?

It didn't have to be a mystery. It makes perfect sense to me that somebody who looks like Ali could like the person who she's standing next to.

You.

Brandon says the biggest difference between his two proms was that with Megan, he didn't spend the whole night wondering why the person by his side had chosen him. He's just happy she did.

I was comfortable the whole time.

How could you not be comfortable? I mean you weren't wearing underpants. Now that the furnitures returning to its goodwill.

Home, now that the last month's rent is scheming.

With the damage to pozzle, take this moment to dissolve.

If we meant it, if we tried, but felt around for far to work.

From things that accidentally.

This episode of Heavyweight was produced by Stevie Lane, along with me Jonathan Goldstein, and Mohemy mcgauga. Our senior producer is Khalila Holt. Special thanks to Emilyconton, Alex Bloomberg, Sharon Mashihi, mime O'donald, Jessica Young, and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original music by Christine Fellows, John K. Sampson, Michael Hurst, The Jacoby Family Band, and Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on our website, Gimletmedia dot

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Twitter at Heavyweight or email us at Heavyweight at gimletmedia dot com we'll be back with a new episode next week.

Like we just like goof real easy, like making up weird songs, doing weird shit like slap just like gonna say, slapping each other's passes, but just like being stupid together, which that's a corny or something, but like playing around all of the time,