No, no, no, come on, no, come come home, come home. On this episode of the Heat Check, It's New Year's Eve, people, It's New Year's Eve. So I thought I would do something a little fun. It is that time of year again.
You have made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas. You've slogged through airports with your N ninety five mask on, and kids screaming and throwing up at dogs, probably peeing and pooping in the concourse, diet tribes about COVID from your drunk uncle, probably a Maga bro somewhere in there, telling you that it's all a hoax. And now you stare yourself in the mirror and it's New Year's Day and you make a promise to yourself. This is where shit changes.
Twenty two. I'm going to be a new me. I decided to give out New Year's resolutions for all thirty teams from Atlanta to Utah. We've got all the motivation these teams need to make it through another year in a better place, better franchises, with growth, prosperity, and more love. This one should be fun. So drop that motherfucking beat rock like this right now, starting today, New Year's resolution. So today in the spirit of giving, which I am
so famous for. Ask my friends so thoughtful, they say, I am going to bestow upon the entire NBA a new Year's resolution in the hopes that every player and every team prospers even more except for Philadelphia in twenty twenty two. Let's start team by team in athebetic alphabetical order. Atlanta Hawks find a new workout routine. I mean, yeah, this team needs to pick up how yoga or plates. They're always hurt. They need to stretch it out, they need to get more limber. This thing is like whack
them all. Every time someone comes out of protocol or out of injury, another one goes down. What they really need probably is a whole new training staff to find a way to stay healthy, somehow, some way get yourself in order health wise. Because this is, if not the injured most injured team, they're definitely in the top of teams that are consistently out. Yeah. I mean, and as much as I enjoy seeing Lemon Pepperlou come off the bench in for Trey Young in the Eastern Conference Finals,
no one wants to see that this time around. Boston Celtics nurture true friendships. This one's good. I feel the Celtics New Year's resolution for twenty twenty two should be defined peace and harmony in the locker room because Kemba Walker wasn't the problem, folks. And maybe, just maybe the problem or problems are still there and has a first name that begins with jay. I'm not sure. And so how do the Celtics fix their friendship problems? Maybe find
a nice retreat, you know, weekend at Martha's Vineyards. Do some trust tree work, you know, lean back into the arms of Dennis Shrewder. Find a nice house on Martha's vineyard. I know it's the winter, but play board games, maybe some Jega drake cot chocolate, share stories about all of the trauma and how you can't get over it and why that's why your relationship with your mother is preventing
you from passing the ball when you're double teamed. And maybe if it doesn't work, just trade one of those toxic gas players and bringing the vibes down like either what, I don't care, Brooklyn Nets find a side hustle. Kyrie Irving has somehow managed to work his way into this lineup halftime. What will he be doing with all his extra time, hopefully getting vaccinated plant based vaccine. Maybe try a new cooking routine. Maybe reading a few more books
on immunu virology or geology or geography. The world is not flat. Perhaps maybe even finding his way to a new religion. I think this is his third in three years that he's tr try it out. Maybe sharing some lotion with his teammates. Sure, maybe making new lotions, maybe new oils and lotions and tinctures for his man KD. They are good friends, Charlotte, hornets work on creating a more balanced Listen, Charlotte, we all love seeing you in transition.
I love seeing Lamello ball diming Kelly Ubray or Miles Bridges uber chucking from three. But don't you feel that shooting fifty percent and still from three and still being down twenty is draining? Like, don't you feel that maybe a more balanced attack could help you win some more games. I know you have a plumble, but play some fucking defense. Try, just try to play defense, so you don't play zone all day and night either, Folks Like, why don't you
figure out how to play defense? Literally? Maybe, just maybe you won't need to scramble back down thirty in the second half. Every single night it hurts me as a better. My heart is always shaken up by this Chicago Bulls a tick. Time to appreciate your accomplishments. Nobody, nobody has been more surprising this year than the Bulls. Maybe this is Cleveland Cavaliers, so their resolution should really be to
stop and smell the flowers. You're not a real contender, but so enjoy a ride, you know what I mean. Like you're about to be like the surprise Mac team that makes the Sweet sixteen and everyone knows they're about to get their doors blown off by Duke, but before they do, who knows. It's all possibilities. You know you're gonna turn into a pumpkin because you're not for real, but you're close and you did this basically overnight. You may lose zach Lavine in free agency, but is here
right now. Appreciate him. Appreciate this moment because just like it all came together so fast, it could all just disappeared, just like that. Cleveland Cavaliers, get over your ex. Listen, Lebron's never coming back. I know you loved him, I know he was there for I know you guys went through some hardship, and he came back to you, and then he left you again. But I do not think three times as a charm. It's time to move on for your supermodel X who moved to LA and found
someone so much better. I know you're in a tailspin that you involved hitting rock bottom. Rock Bottom is now over. It's time for you to forget about your ex. Twenty two or less wins and four straight games. You know they've been awful, and you've cleaned your act up and you're back on the market and you're looking good. So keep playing that all seven foot lineup, keep climbing those standings in the east. Who cares about what he's doing.
He's struggling right now. He misses you. He won't tell you, but he misses you, and that's you. You should relish in that as a soft six in the NBA market six point two. Maybe the fact that a ten point zero is missing you should be all you really need to know. Revel in the fact that he is in a dilapidated sinking ship in LA. But don't be too bitter about it. You're not a lifeboat and his lifeboat is nowhere in sight. Sometimes the best revenge is just success,
just living well. The best revenge is living well. The sun is shining again in Cleveland. By the way, any update on Rubio, I'm not sure. I think he tours. They see all. He's out for the year. Dallas Mavericks, Yeah, this one's hard. You gotta learn the lessons from your failures this year. No team needs to self reflect about their past transgression more than the Dallas Mavericks. We're wing.
The MAVs had all those sexual harassment claims and apparently Mark Cuban didn't do anything about it, and then he was under fire, and Luca ran all of his coaches in front office away, and then the new coach had a book written about him because he didn't let his players go home for Christmas and ran one of them completely into insanity out of the league forever. Like I think all of those things were teachable moments, you know what I'm saying. So, Jason Kidd, if someone wants to
go home and see their family during the holidays, let them. Luca, I know you played hard for Slovenia, but you chilled a little bit too much. Too many carbs, not enough. Cardio. Next off season, maybe spend some time in la Maybe just go a pescatarian diet instead of a plantain ship diet cake diet. MAVs are a team we're all waiting for to take the next step, and the reason and the way that they do that is learning from their ghosts of the past. Denver Nuggets need to start a
dream journal. They do. Remember you guys were in the Western Conference finals in the bubble. What time to be alive? That was your ceiling. It's time now to keep a journal of all the things that you wish for and hope for that will never come true. Like you think you have an MVP, which you do, but the guy on the wing has a back injury and we're not sure what's going to happen. Jamal Murray coming off of an ACL who knows when he'll be healthy. They're both
out indefinitely. Y'all get just having a record. You're probably the best player efficiency rating in history, in history, So fill your dream trouble, fill your dream journal of all those times in the bubble of double doubles, and hope Yo Kich might somehow someway find a new team to prosper on. Oh Detroit Pistons. Your resolution should be to practice patients. The harsh truth is that Detroit for the second straight year, is going to be the worst team
in the NBA. And you know what, that's good. That's a good thing. Be patient. Adding Chet Holmgren or Palo Benkero to Caid Cunningham sit in Sadik Pey. You might go from winning fifteen games to winning thirty games. That's double your record. Sure, you're gonna be ten point plus dogs in so so many games this year, but you're probably also going to trade Jeremy Grant for another first rounder. So who knows. If you trust the process, in five years,
maybe you'll be a playing team. Golden State Warriors twenty twenty two, you should build a better budget. If there's one new Year's resolution that will help the Warriors in the long run, it's a vow to save more money. We all remember Kelly Ubray costs this team seventy million dollars last year. Yeah he did that? Was that happened? That was absurd. They're projected to spend another one hundred
and sixty million dollars in luxury tax payments alone. That is a shitload of money for guys like b Alicha and Otto Porter Junior and Iguadala. Come on, folks, figure something out, get rid of the dead weight and save yourself some money. It's like when I buy a million quartatos a day, did I need that fourth one? Like? Did you really need a bi Alicha? Did you really need an extra guy on the off the bench? No you didn't, Houston Rockets, It's time for you to clean
out your closet. You're a lot of fun, but you have a forty one million dollar skeleton just sitting there in the closet that needs to be gone. He's not even keeping quiet anymore in the back of the corner. He's taking up a lot of space. It's time to up here and in your heart and out in the world on social media. Time to set John Wall free. People, May I suggest donating to another team. You're not going to sell this old ass sweater on eBay. No one wants to pay for it. Just take the listing down.
Come on, now, set him free. He set him free. The Clippers might want him. There's a few teams willing to take a chance on John Wall, but probably not for forty one million dollars. So allow yourself to buy some new sweaters that you actually will wear and put on the court instead of this forty one million dollars sweater with mothballs in them, or Nacy al tear too. Indiana Pacers, I almost forgot to write you down. I wrote all thirty other twenty nine teams down and I
had not Pacers be a team? Is it the Indiana mad ass? Update your resume? Uh, you're a team that is so forgettable. I didn't even put you on this list. No franchise in the NBA wants star players less on their team than the Pacers. Rick Carlisle did not sign up for this bullshit. He did not sign up to take a job to rebuild a new team. They have a team full of like middle of the road. You call them stars, you can call them like celestial beings. I don't know if they're stars, but they're in the
celestial situation. And this team treats them like scrubs. They have a team full of guys that they treat like g leaguers. They don't want to rebuild, but they want to treat every piece. Figure out what you want to do, and if you don't get your resume ready, because new people will come in and take that fucking job, La Clippers. You don't need to buy things you don't need in twenty twenty two, like we know this team isn't the same without Kawhi, and now with PG out at least
a month, panic is now set in. The Clippers need to fight the urge to do something dumb like training for John Wall, that old ass sweater. Listen, just wait, be patient. Houston Rockets might just fucking leave him on the street. I got I got a chandelier for free in my loading knock. Who knows what you could get if you wait along, If you wait long enough, John Wall might just be there sitting by the dumpster for you.
Come on now, folks, they've already made the mistake in the PG trade, because let's face it, wouldn't you rather have had Shay and all those first rounders to pair with Kawhi than Paul George, who's also injury prone, to pair with another guy that's injury prone, Like, come on now, that would be a top four team in the West right now. And instead that's what you ended up getting because you spent some money on things that you didn't need. So don't do anything to mess this up again, La
Lakers in twenty twenty two. I think you should consider therapy. We all lean on our friends and teammates for support, don't we. But sometimes it gets to a point where you need professional help. Gets to a point where you can't put all those troubles on the outside world and all the people who aren't qualified to hear all of your problems. Maybe spend some time up in the Bay and go into a place where you know you can see regular therapy. They can give you all your meals
COVID's everywhere. You're celebrating a win over the Houston Rockets. That's how bad it is. You're celebrating a win over the Houston Rockets like you beat the Bucks in the NBA Finals. You clearly need help. It's time. This is the year to get it. Time to reshift your lens on what the meaning of success is. Go inward because the championship can no longer be your goal. It's just keeping Lebron James healthy. Memphis Grizzlies, It's time to keep
a journal. It's time for you to think about keeping receipts of all the haters, of people who said that this team is nothing with John Morant. Grizzlies are rolling. The Grizzlies are rolling and are in danger in the playoffs this year. I could see them beating Utah And if they do, you need to just make sure to look it back at all of your accomplishments, all of the adversity that you faced, and look over all you overcame. Because those voices right now are loud. People are currently saying,
at this very moment, you are better without jaw. Imagine how sweet it will feel to reread all of those quotes when they come so very clearly wrong. Miami Heat, it's time to meet new people, time to expand your friend group. Miami Heat just canceled the game because couldn't field eight players against the Spurs. Yeah, no team needs more depth than the Miami Heat. Yep, that just happened today.
May I suggest a g League mixer or perhaps a meet and greet with other gms to add some more depth to this piece, because pat Riley needs to add link to a bench or we're gonna see you Donnis Haslam in crunch time and that means night night sleep mask and just Jimmy Butler starting a coffee franchise milakee Bucks. Take time to compliment yourself. This is very important. In twenty twenty two. You're NBA champions. No one will ever
take that away from you. Despite the fact that you were a shoe print away from not making the Eastern Conference Finals, or the fact that Trey Young almost bounced you out of the Eastern Conference Finals, or how you went down two o to the Suns and needed Chris Paul to break his wrist in order to win it all. None of that is important information. Revel in your success. What is important is that Jannis recently said his next
challenge might not be in Milwaukee. So compliment yourself on giving him all of the pieces that he needed in order to feel completely content to move on to a new chapter that's not here. At any moment, that time could come to a close. Minnesota Timberwolves, twenty twenty two is the time for you to reinvent yourself. You know, and we know that you've been the worst franchise in the NBA for maybe even all of sports for a
while now. But now you've got a real owner, and you've got a real coach, and you've got an exciting roster instead of a franchise built around a kitty cat. You finally got yourself a pit bull in Aunt Edwards. So get yourself a new wardrobe. You know what I mean. Time for you to remake everything that we know about you. Don't be attached to the dogshit franchise that you used to be. Things are different now. Ditch those sweater vests, ditch those button ups and those little hobbit shoes that
you used to wear. It's time for you to change your entire wardrobe. Everything that you think is right about style is time to go. Move forward. It's a new era for the Minnesota Timberwolves. If Aunt Edwards wouldn't wear it, then neither should you. New Orleans Pelicans. It's time to stick. We know what this one is. Don't we stick to
healthy habits? Looking I use ion, steak and cake Williamson, Zion, Welcome to the Smoothie King Arena where we had It's six ten, four hundred in twenty five pounds Zion sticking cake Williamson. To be clear, in case you didn't hear the irony, it's a fat That was a fat joke.
But I'm not just talking about food. We're talking about We're talking about healthy habits inward as well, sticking to your word, being the person that you would like to be your neighbor, treating you know, love the neighbors, treat yourself, treat what does it treat others like you would like to treat yourself. I don't know. When you tell JJ Reddick that you're gonna send him to a New York team and he ends and ends up in Dallas at the trade deadline, the only person you're hurting is yourself.
They share him and Zion share the same agent. How big of an asshole? How do you have you have to be in order to get the world's nicest guy? Alvin Gentry to threatened to be dress. Come on now, this man's seventy years old, and he was like, come and get this. Come catch these hands. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Be less toxic and choose less toxic strategies for your franchise before no one wants to be around you. New York Nicks take a trip
somewhere with no destination in mind. Probably the most perfect TIBs resolution of all times. I would say he's been taking trips as a heads coach with no destination in mind for pretty much his entire career, and this year, I think it's gonna be all about the road trip, getting out in the world, you know what I mean? Without itinerary, hit the road, get some snacks, and forget about the fact that you are currently in Check's notes tenth place in the East when you were in fourth
place in the East last year. That does not matter. It's all about the journey. It's all about the vibes. And you've got Campbell, Walker and Evan Fournee for the rest of the year. Oklahoma City, it's time for you to embrace spontaneity. In twenty twenty two. You literally have all every draft pick from now until twenty thirty five? Can you use one? Can we have you use one? There are players to be gotten. There are desperate teams out here with no draft capital that will trade their
star for some young pieces. It's time for you to do something new. Don't sell this time around. Bye. It's okay. Shay is the face of the franchise. He needs some help. It's just you can't have it. Just be him and Josh Giddy and forty five draft picks till the end of the time. You keep rolling over like you might be able to steal cam Reddish, get to two draft picks, maybe a piece, get cam Bridish from the Hawks. They'll do it. They have a salary cap issue here, folks.
Teams can transform themselves overnight. We know that tomorrow isn't promised. Shay could turn into Paul George at any moment. Wouldn't that be a shame? Go get another piece to pair with Sga and Giddy before he decides, Hey, maybe this isn't working, Orlando Magic, this one's important. Twenty twenty two, I think you need Your resolution needs to be to defend yourself, to defend yourself, to learn how to defend yourself,
because aren't you tired of all of the slander? Aren't you tired of being twenty point dogs every single night? Aren't you tired of me saying your franchise isn't even worth watching on television? Or Adam Silver scheduling you only twice all year on national TV, both times the same week during March madness? Folks, every time I slander and or anyone slanders you, all you do you guys say back is yeah we are really bad? Fight back. It's time.
In twenty twenty two to say something, Say well, Trista, how is Portland doing? How's Dame gonna do? Maybe Dame wants to leave your dogshit franchise. Look at you talking employ some of the tactics that say Philadelphia uses venom, gaslighting, deflection. Straw Man arguments, the world next year is your oyster. Don't just be a doormat, folks. You can't be the Sacramento Kings of the East. You're better than that. Seventy six ers. It's time to say goodbye in twenty twenty
two to toxic friends. It may feel impossible now, but there is a way to break up with a once friend turn in front of me without blowing up your franchise. Sometimes ghosting is appropriate, but in this case, I think a trade makes the most sense. Moosting has been kind of what you have been doing. This can get everyone the closure that they need. And if you can't move Ben Simmons with Darryl Moury, then maybe it's time to move on from Darryl Moury. Maybe they're both toxic phoenix suns.
It's time to let go of grudges. In twenty twenty two, I know your owner has been accused of pretty much everything under the sun, everyism, racism, sexism, agism, classism, flatchialism. I know it's been hanging over you all season. It's time to let it go. Only by moving on can DeAndre ay and get back to being the monster that he was last season. You might regret not taking Luca, but the time has come to stop thinking about this.
You made your decisions. Robert Sarver, You're a wildcat. Aighton's a wildcat. That's what you decided to do. Plus, by the way, DeAndre Aiden's in a way better shape than Luca. Anyway, Luca might eat himself out the league. You were some close calls away from winning the Chip last year, and Ayton was a big part of that. Promise him the max this summer, and let bygones be bygones, Portland Trailblazers. Maybe my biggest advice for your resolution this year should
be to take a break from social media. With all the problems that this team has, it's tough out there on these streets. The new year's resolution should be to avoid social media at all costs. Watch a movie, read a book, learn a new hobby. Look inward because I think maybe you need to find some time away from the hustle and bustle of how the world perceives you, because I promise you it's not good and it's not real.
It's an illusion. Social media is an illusion. And also on top of that, when you're reading, maybe also find out what makes Damian Lillard have and then do that thing. Find them another piece. Sacramento Kings. Focus on a passion and not the way you look. You know what I mean? Like we know how you look? We do. The Kings have the worst reputation and the worst look, worst jerseys possibly in the NBA. People barely even though they exist. You walk into a room, Sacramento Kings and no one
even sees you there. That's how ugly you are. That's how ugly. But don't be concerned about how you look. Focus on what you love. Don't allow others perceptions of you from keeping you happy. That's what matters. Focus on what makes you particularly special. Everyone is unique in their own right. We're all like little snowflakes and people. And forget that everyone thinks that you are the worst. You know what I mean? You have an abundance of guards.
Might I suggest playing them all at the same time. That's what makes you interesting, That's what makes you unique. San Antonio Spurs twenty twenty two. Might I suggest going someplace you've never been before, like retirement. Looking at you, Greg Popovich, It's time hang it up, folks. Becky Hammon is about to leave for the WNBA because she doesn't think she's ever gonna get a shot to coach this franchise. That would be criminal. It's been enough time. You know
this team is not going anywhere. All you want to do is watch film of Estonia anyway, So time to take a back seat, folks. It's time for you to go another place outside of being the head coach of the Sacramento No see almost said Sacramento San Antonio Spurs. Move up to the front office, perhaps where you can watch Becky Hammon succeed from Afar and Estonia footage exact eggs exactly, Toronto Raptors. Wouldn't it be nice to start twenty twenty two with the clean slate. Maybe it's time
to let go of your grudges. I know this team hasn't gotten over the beef between Pascal Siakam and Nick Nurse. When Pascal Siakam basically told Nick Nurse like fuck off, and Nick Nurse was like, I wanted to trade your ass anyway. Everyone knows it's clear Pascal is no longer the shiny new object that is Scottie Barnes. But it's time to move on, folks, It's time to get over it. He's not going anywhere. Apparently nobody wants to trade for him. The Golden State Warriors were supposed to do it, and
they didn't do it. All six seven the six' nine of your, roster that entire six seven to six'. Nine squad you guys are all the same, Player anyway so what are you so? Mad at it's like looking in the, fucking mirror like, spot it you. Got it whatever you're so, mad about player next, to you it's probably the thing you like least, about yourself like your lack of a fucking. Jump Shot, utah jazz it's time in twenty twenty two to do something that. Scares you facing your fears, ISN'T
easy i, know it but fear it serves an. Important purpose it gets you out of the first round of. The playoffs, for Example The utah jazz will never be able to win a chip the way that this roster is, put TOGETHER and i know. You're good you're a wagon in the, regular season but everybody knows that you're not going anywhere in. The playoffs like every, single commentator every, single team every single player on every single team knows that you are a three seed In the west and.
Nothing more. That's sad you literally gave up a three to one lead To The, denver nuggets then you did it again TO The. La clippers you need to make, a Trade Trade, joe Ingles, trade bojon and then when you're acclimated, to that try a, new fear which is potentially TO trade i, don't know to, Go There. Washington wizards time for you twenty twenty two to talk less and. Listen more you've been saying a lot, of things all these accomplishments that you've had, this year trading all these
little pieces In The russell. Westbrook deal you're patting yourself on. The Back tommy shepherd's got a, new. Deal. Etc Etc But bradley beal has told the world he's not re, signing yet he's not committed to. This franchise that is a change, of tune a big change of tune to one of the most loyal guys IN, The nba and if you're listening, real hard that means that you are very close on the knife edge of losing him for. Absolutely nothing Listen To bradley beal when. He speaks this
man just. Got vaccinated he cares about the success of him and. HIS team i know everyone thinks they're working To Make bradley, beal happy but? Are you? Are you they don't even have a real point guard To Compliment. Bradley beal maybe you need to figure out how to make. That happen maybe you need To trade MONTREZ hero i know that Hurts And spencer dinwiddie for a fucking real point guard that can get his, own shot who can
play make who can. Play defense because, you're, never ever Ever If bradley, beal leaves find another superstar of his caliber who wants to STAY. In dc so that's all the, Thirty teams and in the spirit of, THE season I thought i would give you My Own new year's resolution of twenty. Twenty two it is to be. More active my goal in twenty twenty two is to be far more active on the. Heat check that means producing, more content responding more actively to fans online, and yes creating
a lot more tiktoks videos. And blogs we need to blow Up The. Heat check i'm going to give My man brock more responsibilities in twenty, twenty two so watch out for that. As well he will be on, the mic so watch out for, live streams, reaction videos and commentary more in. The lead i'm gonna be everywhere in twenty, twenty two hopefully pissing more, fans off saying things that either come true or, mush completely like the FACT that i Said the cavs were my favorite team In the
East And rookie rubio that very NIGHT. Towards acl but, be prepared. Be warned i'm gonna be more annoying and more places than ever in twenty. Twenty two that's all the time that we have For The. Heat check we will Be back monday evening with a. NEW episode i hope everyone has a happy Safe nears eve and A Happy, new year and get on. That peloton do not forget, to download subscribe to all, your friends follow us on social Ad This heat check And At trister creek. On
TikTok we will see you in twenty. Twenty Two, Books, come come that's. So good, i'm, Bad annoying i'm turning. Them bad it is, from clashing because nothing cammagion h