¶ Introduction
When a narcissist is around children, they let loose their darkness, fully manifest their true evil self without limitations and unleash their inner demons to exploit these innocent beings. proving themselves to be predators without any empathy. They play mind games that these poor souls do not have the skills or capabilities to recognize, making it really hard for them to survive their abuse. Let's talk about all of this further in today's episode. My name is Danish.
I'm a narcissistic abuse recovery professional. Welcome to my channel. The topic is five bizarre things. A narcissist does when around children. Before we get started with number one, here is a quick announcement. I'm running a 75 percent discount on all my best selling courses. this holiday season. This package will turn you into that narcissist's worst nightmare. How?
By helping you understand how you can heal, how you can co parent with them if you have to do so, how you can break that trauma bond, and how you can completely change your story by working on the trauma of the origin if you want to get instant access to this bundle, click the I button above or the link in the description of this episode. Number one, they turn children into mini adults. How? By burdening them with responsibilities they may not be ready to take.
What responsibilities am I talking about? Emotional, physical, psychological, and mental responsibilities, such as turning a child into a mediator, a therapist, a confidante, or somebody who is being used for physical labor. All of this has been personally experienced by me. Let me give you a couple of examples. For my mother, I was the ultimate therapist, absorbing her pain like a sponge all the time. She would tell me things about my father that I was not supposed to know.
She would cry, complain. But do nothing about those things. I was a mediator as well. Because my job was to help them reconcile. Was to help them get together again. And praise them, beg them and say please, please let it go. You two are partners. Settle it now. It's, been too long since that conflict erupted. Let it die now. For our sake, I was also the confidant because they told me secrets that I was not supposed to tell to the other party.
For example, if my mother told me things about my father, The expectation was I would never talk about those things to my father. For physical labor, oh, my father used me like a donkey. I can't tell you how much trauma I have been through because of the unnecessary push. There was not only psychological stress but physical stress as well. There was always a continuous demand for us to keep doing physical work in his kitchen garden. We were not allowed to play.
We were not allowed to have a me time. Didn't matter how hot the day was. Or if we needed some rest, no, we had to be there. And then at the end of it all, we had to beg him for just an hour of play. The painful thing is when you're raised by a narcissistic parent, your childhood is lost. You never get to live a happy childhood when you are born to a narcissistic parent. They steal away your innocence, creativity, and basically everything that you were supposed to enjoy as a child.
Then people say, Oh, you are too old for your age. How do you know so much? Well, I have been through hell, something that I never wished for, but that's what it is. And that's why I had to grow up very quickly. This is why I said they turn you into a mini adult. When around such an emotionally immature parent, you may be living in a child's body, but you have a brain of an adult. You have to understand complex subjects. You have to pick up emotions to understand the subject.
that you may not have vocabulary for. Why? Well, that's an adaptation. You have to grow up very quickly for your survival. Basically, you become your parent's caretaker. And as crazy as this may sound, they turn into your child because they never act like a parent. Number two, this one is heartbreaking. They give differential treatment to children on the basis of the outcome. In simple words, they can be really cold to their own children.
But to the children of other people, they can be kind, they can hold them, they can talk nicely to them, they can buy them gifts. Why? Because they want to be seen as a great parent. They want to be praised, they want to be put on a pedestal. They want to get that supply from those children. as well. What about you? Why don't they treat you the same way? Well, the supply they gain from you is readily available. And they know how to get it from you.
But they have to manufacture the outcome when dealing with the children of other people. It's heartbreaking. Because when your parent, displays this kind of behavior, you're forced to think, Oh, maybe, maybe it's my fault. Maybe, uh, there must be something missing in me. Maybe I need to achieve more, do more, be like that child, or hit that target, then I'll also get the love. You try, you try, but that day never comes. What does this tell us?
This tells us they know how to treat their children. They know how to be a nice person, a nice parent, but they intentionally do not show that niceness because they don't have to. They know you will always be there. You are under their control. You will stay under their thumb and they can treat you any way they want. Number three, This one is so frustrating.
They spoil their children to get support, especially if the other parent is a sane parent and they aim to alienate their children from them. What will they do? They will blindly enable the child. For example, if the child wants to watch a show when they're supposed to sleep, when they're supposed to do their homework, they'll say, so what? Why are you stopping our son from watching a petty show? It's just cartoon. It's just animation. What's wrong with you? So what? It's just a chocolate.
It's always minimization. They minimize the behavior. They minimize the demand. Programming, grooming the child into thinking, Oh, this parent, they're so nice to me. They always think positively about me. They give me what I want whenever I want it. There are no limitations which must mean they care for me. That is a bad kind of wiring and that wiring shapes their perception of you because they are not able to understand the need for living an organized life.
They blame you for being too strict. What does that do? That distances you from them. And what does that mean to the narcissistic parent? Mission accomplished. That's what I wanted. It proves one thing. They do not truly love their children. They only love to have control over them. And this form of control is more difficult to recognize because when trying to establish control, They're not screaming. They're not yelling at the child. They're just being nice to them.
But in reality, they are spoiling them. They are destroying their life. They are making it more difficult than it has to be. They display the same behavior as the child grows and becomes an adult. Let's say the same child Cheats on their partner instead of holding him or her accountable for their actions. They'll say so what it's just one accident You must have done something for him or her to behave that way Oh, it's it's the other person's problem. Oh, it's it's that institution's problem.
It can never be my child That's not love. That is enabling. That is spoiling to get support. Number four. This one is heartbreaking. I have personally experienced it and so many people have shared this one with me. They enable the child's abuser. Can you believe that? Let's say one of your relatives sexually abuses you. You go to your narcissistic parent and you share with them.
Instead of taking a bold stand for you and against them and making sure they are penalized and they face the consequences, they'll shut you down and say, you must have done something. Oh, it was your fault. Why were you wearing those kinds of clothes? Or the crazy thing is they could straight away Minimize your experience. Totally diminish it by gaslighting you. They'll say, shut up. That can never happen. You're imagining things. It was a dream. It never happened.
If you have been through something like that, please drop your life experiences in the comments below if it is okay with you. Who knows, you may end up validating a lot of survivors. They will never side with you, they'll always side with the abuser. it does not stop with the dismissal. They may have a positive relationship with that person.
After sharing those experiences, they'll act like nothing happened and they'll be okay with that man or woman and will continue to have a positive relationship with that person, will not show some boundaries, won't be alerted at all. will still expose you to that danger by keeping the door open. Number five and the last one. They have zero physical or emotional boundaries. This one is a little difficult to talk about because my parents did it a lot.
They do not have boundaries that you're supposed to have as a parent with your children. You cannot talk about certain topics. You cannot use certain words. You cannot be so open. There always have to be a limit, okay. You cannot do certain things in their presence. thinking oh they're dumb, oh they don't have a brain, they won't know what's going on. That is what they do. They do not respect your developing identity at all and they imprint their words leave behind, even their actions.
I'll give you an example. You're dealing with a shameless narcissistic parent who cusses openly all the time, talks about explicit things like sexual concept and behaves in unacceptable ways, ways that make you feel uneasy, exposes body parts, doesn't dress properly. They may even get intimate with each other in front of children. Assuming the children won't understand. So they do not have any respect for sexual, emotional or physical boundaries.
They do not have any respect for the developing brain. They do not care. And then later on when such a child says, I do not want to talk about it. I do not want to talk to you. What you did to me is unacceptable. They, they go crazy. They normalize the most abnormal thing. And that is the existence of a sexual bond between a child and their parent. With that, let's bring this episode to an end. I hope you liked it. I'll talk to you in the next one.
And then as always, let the healing begin and continue.