This is He Said a Yah d Ho with Eric Winter and Rosalind Fantas. Okay, welcome back to another episode of He Said a Ya d Ho. Hey, Hello, he made it into February. Now Valentine Valentine's is coming up. Listen, We're gonna do an episode talking a little bit about kids in Valentine's Hoela is getting into that that age were actually started in sixth grade where people were talking about ask so and so to be your Valentine. It started in sixth grade and now I'm a little concerned
it's gonna be a lot of heavy pressure. Yeah, in seventh grade. Do you remember being asked to be someone's Valentine in like junior high? In junior high, yes, somebody asked you. Did you accept That's not that's a too long of a pause.
No, no, no, not really boys, but it wasn't. It wasn't like being my Valentine. Let's be a boyfriend and girlfriend. You know.
It's just that they they gave you a little Valentine. Correct you in you in that moment?
Nothing, You're like, so you told that you have butterflies, you know, in your stomach because the special Yes.
And I mean I mean I was already you weren't dating in junior high.
Junior high is seventh and eighth. Yeah, you didn't like a steady person. No, I did, and I think I did.
You just had like a proper Valentine in junior high where I was, you know, giving a giving flowers or can So you.
Had a proper, like a proper steady girlfriend. Yeah, in seventh grade, yeah or eighth grade, both same person.
No, I had my first kiss in seventh grade, as I did. I did, I remember.
But like like full of makeup, like a tong or like a kid.
No, like yeah, going trying to go at it and a kiss. I remember like scraping on the braces and being like, oh that felt weird.
That's terrible.
Yeah it was, it was, but listen, it was it was. She was a sweet girl. She was.
I remember the first time somebody showed a kissed me and and the saliva was very, very smelly, and so I know I still have that that. I can't even I can still smell it that. I was like, oh my god, like very strong. It wasn't even bad breath, it was just the saliva was very strong. And I was like, I don't think I like this ash all.
That's rough. That's a rough start. Do you think Sabella is going to have I know there's a couple of boys that she has been told by others have a crush on her. I know she has, I wouldn't say. I asked her about a couple of these like quote unquote crushes that she says she has. She's like, that's true, but she's like, we're not gonna say, not really crush. She said, not really crushing. I think they're cute, and.
They're really different, actually different ethnicities.
I think they're cute, but she said, not like a crush. She's like, not hard, corgeous.
One of one of them is taken by one of her dear friends. And I was like, Sabbie, please.
Do not get in dear friends. But just like she likes the other person. But and she didn't say I have, like I want to go after she said she said, the boy's cute.
But it was It was a good moment for me to teach a lesson about listen, if the kid is dating a girl that is friendly with you, you know, don't don't even look that way.
Yeah, what do I mean?
And we had a whole conversation about some of these.
Girls already, and I like, I get it because I started that. We just talked about at that age, like are going on quote unquote little dates like they're going to the mall with the boy and all that, and Sebbe has not been on a date, Sabbie has not been on a date. And I'm sorry, I don't think I would be fully into that, like going to the mall with the boy by themselves, like and being dropped off.
No way, No that the parents stays around.
I don't know what these kids, if that's the case, going to be around. I don't think it's going to be happening. I'm not. I don't think we're letting that happen. I just can't see you be at a Nike store.
I'm going to be at a Norse drum right sitting down overlooking the Nike the Nike store.
Do you think and I mean, I know my answer as a guy, but do you think it'll be different for Dylan? Like are you going to be more protective? Are you gonna be protective of Dylan as well about him dating? Or you think there's more leniency because he's a boy that you. I.
I think I'm going to be very protective, but there's an element of being more lenient. Yeah, because it's your boy. It's your boy. You know. My I grew up with the philosophy, you know, culturally and because my parents I have I have three brothers, so it was so cool, Like my father was all about them going out hooking up with girls. You know, it was like it was
a symbol of like, yeah, I have a matcha. You know, it was like a thing with me that and then I paid a price because with me was completely the opposite.
You know. I was so like my mom was all.
Over me, you know, all over me.
There's a double standard, for sure, I think there is. I'll be less stressed if Dylan says like, oh I got a crush on a girl, like, oh cool, who's the girl? I'll be way more into it than Sabella telling me, don't be getting like egging it on my biggest thing. And I've already started this in a little ways with Dylan. With just Sabella, it's like treating a girl like a gentleman, like I'm trying to make him understand even now, you know, ladies first, let Dylan let
Sebbie go in the door first. Dylan. A couple of times I did it. He's like why. I'm like, because ladies should enter first day open the door.
She continue doing that.
And I'm trying. He still doesn't understand. He's like, well, I don't want her to go first, and I'm like, just let her go first, Like you know, I'm trying to teach that principle. And I want him to be incredibly respectful, and I think we're not going to have a problem with that. He's such a shy and bit reserved kid. I don't see him being like pushy on anybody like that. But I want to make sure he understands the concept of treating a woman.
I had such a thing with Sabella.
Guys.
We took them to like dates, like it was mommy and daughter date and Daddy and Sun date. And it was the same night. I took Sabella to a restaurant and then he took Dylan too another restaurant. They ended up crushing our start by they stopped by a dinner. We're like, what are you doing here? Anyways? And it was an opportunity for me to connect with Sabbi and just hang out as a mom, you know, because we don't get to do it often because we always go out as a family. When we'll go to dinner is
the four of us. So we're going to implement this thing. And it was so cute because I said, you know, the whole night we're going to do. I'll do a question. Do you do a question, I'll do a question. So it was a lot of back and forth at sometimes it got a little bit uncomfortable and she's like, I funk about it, you know, that kind of thing. But she said something at one point that it I just went right flag and I had a whole speech because
I don't know. She was saying something about dating somebody and when I have a boyfriend orr husband or something. She said something about like what I'm going to do what he tells me or something like that.
Really, and I was like, okay, doesn't strike me as that.
It was something that it really bothered me. And that's how the conversation about my ex came up, because when we came you came in, she was like, Mom, it's talking to me about her ex husband. And then you were like really, and that would I was. I gave her a specific example for her to understand snap out of that mentality of I'm going to do what I'm told right, because I said to her, listen, this happened
to me, and it was so valuable. And to this day I think about it because it bothers me because I didn't have this cert of to be like, you know what, even though my God knew it was unnecessary and the advice he was giving me was so wrong. I didn't pay attention to my instincts and I went and I went and did it. I pay the price, and I'm going to be fifty two years old and I still think about it. So I said to her, I want you to never go through this, and you're
going to have to learn on your own. But I'm going to give you a very specific example, Sabella, because by me just telling you don't do that because it's not good, you're independent, you're you know, I'm going to give you an example that happened to your mom, so you break the cycle. And I gave her the example and she was kind of like navigating it, you know, kind of like oh wow, and what happened and how did you did you say something?
You know?
And then I was able to engage in a whole conversation. But I think it's really important at her age. You know, she's developing. If you talk to Sabella's about Sabella doesn't think like a little girl anymo. Szabella's like a woman, you know. Like this morning, I'm doing the podcast and I'm doing a little bit of makeup and she said, you're not gonna curl your lashness And I was like, oh, do you call yours? And she's like yeah, and they
don't do Masscara. So I wanted her to feel important and I said, you know what, can you bring it? And can you do it to me?
Oh?
I don't. I don't want to do it to young We don't do it to me. I see. She came over and she felt so adult that she came to mommy and she curled my lashes.
You know.
But the way she's talking to me is like she's thinking that she's teaching me about makeup. And I was like, this is really fun I.
Love that this is funny. Well, it's interesting because our producers put together some questions that you would ask your kids about dating, and it sounds like you did a pretty good job. You don't ask your team these things. But it's like you'd ask, you know, questions like what are your friends dating relationships? Like, you know, asking what what they're hearing from their friends about a relationship. What
kind of a person would you date? Would you kind of have had that bit of a conversation with her about type and stuff like that. How would you feel if a boyfriend or a girlfriend asked you to stop being friends with someone? Okay, that's a tough one. That's a good question, and it happens a lot. Yeah, that happens a lot, for sure. For sure. Do you think jealousy is a sign of love? Oh my goodness, it's
a good question. That's actually a listen. That's a really tricky answer because I don't think it's a flat out yes or no. I think a hint of jealousy is a positive thing because it shows you care. The word jealous can be overly used as a negative because it can be so harsh, like they're jealous it just drives
me crazy. But a little hint of jealousy is also an ounce of caring, because if someone's not jealous at all, if they don't care what you're doing or who you're around or whatever, doesn't that kind of feel weird too?
But some people are like that though.
Yeah, but don't you think I have friends that are like, I'm not jealous at all. Something will make them jumous, you know what I mean? Like, I don't my wife do whatever she wants. Really the problem with.
Girls, and it happened to me again going back to that relationship, is when you're dealing with somebody that has more life experience than you and you just don't have the maturity or the resources to understand what's really going on. Yeah, girls ninety nine percent of the time will relate, Oh, he's he's so jealousus, he's protecting me, he's a try exactly is he's so jealous and he's going to defend me.
And that's the way we take it. If the guy is a handful and it's doing things that are actually toxic, but if they're able to gaslight you into thinking I'm doing this because I love you, and I just love you so much and I care about you so much. I can obear that, you know, anybody else looking at you. You take it as a compliment until it gets ugly, and that that's when you realize, well that was not.
Actually, that's also severe jealousy too, Like that's a strong A lot of women.
Attract correct find a very attractive, especially if they come from upbringing that the dad.
Yeah, where that's all they know?
Normalize that behavior.
Sure, last question is what do you think a healthy relationship is and looks like to you? So that's a good question to ask because then you could get their definition of what they think and a lot I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie, And I think a lot of listeners know this. These kids learn it not just
from friends, but they're learning it from pop culture. They're learning it from TV shows from Sabella said it to me one time, She's like, why can't I just learn about dating from the TV shows and movies I watch? She said that, yeah to me one time, I said, you're not going to learn that's the worst example, because they're painting a picture that's not always true and sometimes it's you know, fabricated to feel or look like something that's the script. Yeah, and sometimes it's for the better
or worse, you know what I mean. So you gotta learn from the parents now, But what if they.
Don't have a good, solid parenting, Well, then that.
Might be the only option. But then do you got to hope that they're finding it with the right content? You know what I mean? Content's tricky like that. Now, these are some common questions teens ask parents about dating. How would you handle these if you get asked them? One? How long should I be dating someone before we are exclusive? What do you think?
Three months?
That's a good number. I actually probably agree with you if at that age, in particular, if I was, if I was quote unquote dating somebody like for three months, I feel like i'm pretty much, you know, staying with that person. Yeah, I'm with you. When is it okay to go on a one on one date and leave the group? Hangs? What do you mean go on a one on one proper date.
At what age?
Yeah? I don't think you even get into something like that to your one of the kids driving so sixteen, like if a parent's not around and it's an actual date, like going to a movie theater. Now, I had one on one dates, probably where my mom drop me off, but it was ever one on one. When I was in junior high. We'd all go to the movies, we'd
have a girlfriend. Everybody's kind of holding hands everybody's got like double dates and all that, right, and then you go to like dinner or something, or we'd walk around the mall, or we'd like be holding hands.
But I am not ready for this. I am gonna hate it holding hands and if I feel like the guy is a bit of a handful or has I'm gonna be so direct with these kids, like I'm gonna be brutal. I think they're gonna be scared of me. I'm gonna do it with love because I'm gonna lead with love, and I want them to think that we're just cool parents. But I am going to be incredibly transparent and I'm gonna just the good thing.
About you that I'm actually very happy about is even when you lead with love, there's an intensity in your voice that's gonna come out and scare the s out of these kids. That's so sad. You're gonna be good. You're gonna do that thing where like your eyelids drop a little bit, I always tell you, and then you're gonna have a conversation with him with their eyelids love, Like, I really care about you, guys, But that's take all of you out.
No I will know because I'm gonna say, listen.
I'm gonna do this with nothing but already dropping.
I don't know if I know how to do it without it, because I'm gonna I promise he's gonna be with a lot of charisma and love, but it's gonna be serious.
Exactly right are going to be.
However the kid decides to react to it, then I'll do a check mark or I'll be like Sabbie, you're gonna be able to like she's gonna be mortified, but I'm not going to allow anybody to come into my house, my my in Torno with bad intentions. And listen, there's an element that we have gonna We're gonna have no control because we don't know who she's bringing through that door. But I want to make sure that that they know the law.
It's gonna be rough. How do I know if he or she, uh they are are worth my time to date? How do we tell Dylan or Sevi that that if they ask us? You know, how do I know that person's worth my time?
I think people reveal themselves pretty fast. So if she if the kid is being kind of like flirty with her friends, or if she's seeing flirty behavior. Besides with her, that's a sign. Yeah, yes, gentlemen, somebody does doesn't rush somebody that is not already giving her problems with if she wants to use a crop top and already commenting on the way she's dressing or the way she's.
Applying making put on the physical or immediately trying.
To touch exactly like my father used to say, holding hands is okay, Well, the second he touches your thigh by intentions. So I'm going to tell her the second he touches your thigh, you know that that's going to continue. The second touches your thigh, he's gonna want to climb that hand up and you're gonna have to just slap the heck out of that.
But she's gonna be that.
But what if I But what if I want to? What if I wanted to keep climbing? And that's Those are the conversations that we're gonna have to navigate. And another example is like, mom, Sebbie, just look at his family.
You know, the way he treats his mom.
Look exactly what how what is the relationship with mom and dad? Is it a broken family?
Like?
How many siblings? How? How does he speak to the siblings, you know, like, there's so many things that you can pay attention to to know. And again it's never, it's never, one hundred percent never, But to give you an indication if you are wasting your time or not?
For sure? Now, should I be bothered by p d A at school? What is appropriate PDAs public display of affection? Okay, at school? What is the appropriate?
Yeah?
I would agree. Well, listen, you get into high school. Kids are holding hands, walking room on the bathroom.
They're making it. When I was, if we get a phone call or an email or a text or a note from a teacher or a stubb to the teacher or a dean or somebody at school saying that she's doing some pd A that is making kids uncomfortable, I will lose.
In high school, we were holding hands. We'd have arms around each other at lunch, hanging out, walking to each other's locker, walk into the classroom, kiss goodbye going into the classroom. We would do that in high school.
I'm sorry, Well I never did because I never dated somebody from my high school.
Too cool, that was too cool. Yeah, we did.
I was in high school. I was dating a guy from college.
I never ever dated anybody from even at prom, and all these dances like kids are kissing, hold hands all the parents we were you find a way for sure. Listen, we have a lot on our hands. I'm a little nervous about it. This this episode stressed me out. Thank you for listening. As always. Squirm over.
And look at Sybrilla now, and I'm stressed out just by looking at her. She's so beautiful and so cool, and she's an athlete and she walks around like she's like, oh my god, I am freaking out.
Well listen, if you have anything else you want to talk to us about it.
She's a good girl, though she is. I think next job, she's a good girl.
Send it to our dms at he said a at d Hoo, or email us at Eric Androz at iHeartRadio dot com and uh until next time, love you, love you, thanks for listening. Don't forget to write us a review and tell us what you think.
If you want to follow us on Instagram, check us out at he said ajor s is that email Eric and Ross at iHeartRadio dot com. He said, AJAB is part of iHeartRadio's Mike would Do That podcast network See you next time.
Bye,