This is, he said, a yad home with Eric Winter and Rodlin Fantas.
Hey, Hey, welcome to he said, Aja the Homeostamihanta, how are you?
Eric?
I'm doing good?
So professional? You sound so like full blown radio host. I'm a podcaster. Hi. Hi, guess what. We're a little nervous see those because we have a guest back on the show. She's doing it again and the last time she was here she gave us a homework and of course we didn't do it. What do you have to say about that, Eric Winter?
Well, I think we're not leading a good example because we tell our kids to do their homework and be on top of stuff, and here we are failing at homework. But listen, who better than to have on Valentine's Day other than doctor V. You're back into some couples work for me.
You don't want to tell the audience what was the homework before we bring We're going to talk about it with her, but if you go ahead, so basically we're supposed to have a ten minute makeout and nothing else, just making out session before leading to anything. So basically kissing and for like ten minutes you make out let and I guess what, No, it didn't happen. No, it didn't even happen. Well, maybe for a few minutes, a few minutes. We just have a different dynamic, we do
it a different way. Well, no, we've make out for a few minutes, about ten minutes, so long, but we don't do ten minutes. Yes, all right, Well let's talk to her about it. Let's bring her in. How are you going to see you?
It's so good to see y'all. It feels like it's been forever. Maybe it has been.
Like it's been a year. It has been a year, it's been a full year. But it was last it was last year that we probably all.
Yeah, I think it would have been around maybe early summer.
Yeah, that makes sense, Maybe it makes sense.
It was nice for a check in.
Yeah, we were just talking about how we fail.
They're going to be happy. I mean we did we didn't. We didn't do the specific homework of just like making out and kissing for ten minutes. But what did what did other stuff?
Let's just get into it. I think we need to get into it. I know we have to.
What do you think is so difficult? Listen, it's so funny because I'm sure you know how how it's very current the whole topic about Baldoni and Blake Lively and the whole lawsuit, right, and they have a very infamous video that they're doing a scene and he's explaining to her listen with my wife sometimes we just look into each other's eyes for five minutes, and then the actress is like, Haha, I want to do that. All do is talk talk talk, talk, talk, Like, what do you
think that happens? Why do you have You have the couple that is perfectly comfortable with that complicity of just staring into each other's eyes, and then you have the other couple that they just want to talk it out and talk and laugh and talk and laugh about nonsense.
Yeah, I think.
Not nonsense.
Maybe they're talking about the kids or something deep.
I think. I mean, I think we're really judging something that we can't just because it could be I mean, we might assume, and it could be wrong that talking talking talking when you're really close to someone is easing tension or it's easing the awkwardness for others. It might
be like the fact that they're talking that close. It could be Wow, that really shows vulnerability because you know your breath might stink or you know, you might You're like, attention is right here, so it could be even closer. I'm glad that each of those couples found each other though, because they seem pretty in sync.
Yeah, for sure, it feels like there's definitely no one way I mean community. On one side, you could say it's great that they can communicate, you know, that couple about anything and talk and be connected with dialogue. And whether it's talking out in argument or talking about the kids or talking about work, you know, I mean they're able to communicate in that way.
Now, is that their love language?
The communication factor?
I don't know, is that team it up? You know? For them maybe the other.
Two, maybe just staring into each other's eyes is what gets them excited and makes them happy. I feel that there's no right answer in that situation, but you got to find the right partner, because if one person wants to stare, one person wants to talk.
You got a problem.
Yeah. It might be like, look calm down, or why are you so neervous? They're like, I'm not nervous. I'm just excited to be here with you and we get to talk about this and that and I've got your attention. Especially with celebrity couples, attention is hard to get in personal situations. For a lot of times, they're always having to work on getting, you know, keeping other people's attention, giving their attention to all the different managers and people
and production and crews and all of that. Everybody wants something from them. So for some people being able to say like we had five uninterrupted quiet moments is amazing, and for others it's we got to talk for five minutes. That's amazing. Yeah, it's tough to know.
I will say this because you're notorious with this US is that if we have maybe like a moment that's going to be intimate to some degree, she always loves to bring up a conversation at that moment. Not always, but you've done it quite a bit, you know where I've been like why aren't we talking?
I used to do it a lot, especially about the kids, like we're in the middle of something and then I just go, oh my god, Sibby did something so funny, and then I started talking about the daughter and he's like, why are you bringing Sabella or the kids or anything intimate? Like we're not being fully intimate. That's weird.
Noilty, guilty, but we've been like we've been like starting to be intimate about something. She's like, oh, this just popped in my head and I'm like, that just killed the mood. Why are we talking about that right now?
I've been guilty of that, and I don't know if it's the same thing for you, Rosalind, But for me, what made that happen at that time is that it was like the first time we were really connecting, like just the two of us. So it's like, oh, my gosh, I have a few things to catch you up on. And my husband's like, yeah, no, this isn't like getting me not now.
So that's what happens with this one over here. He's like, why wait, I don't know. I just thought about it, but this is what happened. And he's like, oh my god, Ross, it's funny, but I'm doing better.
No, you haven't done it in a while, but it's one of the things that you have done and we have talked about a lot.
Yeah, that is kind of funny, and sometimes I do get the giggles again, it used to be more often, like not anymore as much, but I will just get because intimacy is a trip, you know. Intimacy is something that is very intimate, you know, and depending on the day, I could just I don't know if it's nervous laughter. I don't know what it is that I just start laughing. How are you nervous with me after nineteen years? That's what you're saying.
It's playful exactly. It's like you don't really know what is exactly going to happen your of course, most of us are probably naked. There's like this just self consciousness that can happen, and it can ease some of the tensions. So if the laughing or giggling or even playfulness helps to ease the tension, then great, it's serving its purpose.
But if it's impeding or if you're staying in this place of now like oh my gosh, I'm laughing, doesn't he doesn't think this is funny, or he feels like I'm laughing at him, then maybe having a conversation like hey, by the way, I wasn't laughing at you, or it's just you know, I get a little bit like immature at the moment, and that's okay.
It's playfulness, it's okay.
Let me jump into Valentine's Day, which is obviously you know what we're going to be discussing a bit in this episode. What are your thoughts of the of people who put so much importance into that day versus giving that sort of attention year round.
Does that make sense?
Yes? I tend to recommend and practice that Valentine's say, should not be such a big deal or maybe more importantly, not such a big difference from your everyday life. Again, we should be we should be showing respect, love, care, generosity with our partners, especially in a romantic way, more often than just once or twice a year, like you know, birthdays and anniversaries and Valentines. But I think it's also a red flag if you don't try to acknowledge it
at all. For sure, that's a little odd too. So, yes, you should be having that romance and gestures and attention maybe a little extra throughout the week. But if you're not acknowledging Valentine'sday at all, there's probably a story there.
Yeah, it's interesting because I do know, like a lady that I work with, funny she talks about like her husband and her don't celebrate a lot of the holidays, they just do something for each other all the time. And she was saying, like even Christmas, like we don't necessarily buy things just for each other on Christmas. My husband will surprise me with things randomly, like just you know, whenevery you know, all the time, in a general statement. So I think it kind of applies even to Valentine's
for her. Now, look, she's an older you know, it's an older lady, older couple. But in general, that's just their motto of how they approach things. So Valentine's isn't something they fully celebrate. He'll just do special things for her all the time.
Yeah. I think that that's sweet, and it sounds like it worked for them. They probably had to have some sort of a conversation about that early on. I think it would be a little odd if somebody just kind of imposed that on a partner and said, by the way, I don't celebrate Christmas in a big way, and that's
just the way it's going to be. Maybe hopefully more of a conversation of like, oh, yeah, no, I don't really necessarily need that either, especially if we're buying the things that we want for each other and for ourselves whenever, like gifts maybe don't matter that much. But then again that's probably because it's not one of your love languages, so it may not matter as much. I think again, I think it's great when people say, my partner and I like to do this. It's one thing to just
say me, me, me, this is what I like. But if it's you and your partner, then go for it.
The ideal if you implement that, you know that it doesn't have to be a specific holiday, but you actually are very mindful throughout the year and to do very special things and also celebrate those special moments, you know, like the holiday, the anniversary holiday, Valentine's, you know, birthdays. It will be incredible to have that couple that has that kind of just beautiful agreement that they just celebrate each other throughout the year and celebrate each other when it matters, you know.
Well.
And also like this is where it's in.
Everybody's different in this, Like it goes back to like sort of love languages in a way, right, Like is it the big material gift that makes Valentine special for that person? Is it the intimate dinner and intimate night
out that makes Valentine special and different. I assume that's specific to each couple into each individual on a sort of a love language level, right, But I know often when you get into a holiday, it becomes associated with the gift, even more so sometimes than the physic, especially like even Valentine's Day. It might be like, well, what person am I getting versus what about the intimate moment we're going to spend celebrating our love.
Yeah, I think that that's where you have to slip the heartfelt written card in the purse.
With the flowers.
But no, I mean I think again the commercialization of love in general. I can't say that it is a wonderful thing, but I also can't say that it's awful because for some people it really supports their idea of like I get to show my partner because it's societally okay during this time, I get to shower with them with gifts, whereas maybe otherwise they wouldn't want it or
would feel kind of awkward with that attention. So for some people it permits them to be romantic and to be cheesy and to kind of almost go back to like teen years and have that excitement, And for others it creates a lot of pressure if you are deciding what gifts to give your partner because of what you've seen other people on Instagram talking about that's not heartfelt. They might appreciate it, but it's not actually a symbol
of your love. And so for a lot of people, I want to remind them, if it's not heartfelt, it's not Valentines, it's homemark holiday, you know, and that's what it is.
This is an interesting question here. How about talking to your kids who may have a crush in school or may have started dating, and them receiving something in school from that person seems like the most important thing to them. Yeah, I saw that too.
I wanted to bring that up as well, because that's been an interesting thing for us going through as far as not our son, but our daughter who's in junior high.
She's at thirteenth seventh grade.
Started in sixth right the first time Valentine became.
Correct and when she was very mindful about when my friend has a boyfriend, and I wonder if I'm going to have a boyfriend, you know what. And she talks about those things not a lot, you know, but she get the peer pressure I'm assuming, you know, of having friends that are very close, friends that are already dating.
So it's going to be really interesting to see, come this Valentine's you know, if she's going to receive a row, or if somebody's going to write a letter, or she's going to tell us about it, And wouldn't you agree.
It felt a bit more peer pressure in sixth grade, like a lot of her friends were already like, well, who's going to ask you to be their Valentine?
Who's going to be?
And it almost felt like you I remember when we were kids and somebody had passed you a little note with a candy and whatever, kissed me and the thing, and it's, you know, a little heart right, it's a joke.
Doesn't even matter with them. In sixth grade, I think it's gonna be worse.
In seventh grade, it felt like a lot of pressure, like she had to have a Valentine, she needed to partner up with somebody, not even as a boy. I mean they called each other like dating partners, not even really in the formal sense of what we know as that. It just felt like a pressured situation, different than when we went to school.
Yeah, I'm in the middle of it. I have a thirteen year old son as well, and he does have a little girlfriend right now. And having met my current my husband, having met him when I was twelve and he was thirteen, and we were each other's first love, first kiss, I may and my husband would say the same thing. We may put a little bit too much
emphasis on how important these junior high relationships are. We've had to pull back because it is not the same When we ask him what it means to be to have a boyfriend, or to have a girlfriend, or to be one, you'd be surprised. I would love for y'all to ask your child that, like, what does this mean? What does it mean? Because it might feel different for you like it does for me.
What did he say when you're asking me the question?
He said, Oh, it just means that we talk a lot on the phone. You know, I'm always the one that's encouraging because my parents did not want me to see my husband, you know, my boyfriend at the time. They were very strict, no known and you know what they probably should have been, because you know, we were we were wild, but but it's just not. That's not
the case. And so these days it's much more like we go to the mall together, we go to movies together, we go in groups together, and we talk all the time. But I don't know that the feelings are as intense at this age as maybe they were for us.
I would fully agree.
I think the last time we did kind of talk to her about it, it was related to us in that sort of matter.
I don't know.
We just hang out at school, we sit together during lunch. It was almost like they were better friends, like the partner partnered as a friendship, which I thought was fantastic.
I was like, no, that's great. I don't want you.
I do think there's a bit of a double standard with the boy, at least from my mindset. Like if my son's in that situation, you know, if he's like, I don't know, I want to hold her hand, I'd be like great. And if she's like, well, he wants to hold my hand, I'd be like, really, Like, I would definitely.
Pause a bit more.
But we're very open and communicative when it comes to that kind of stuff with her. I don't want her thinking it's taboo or we're against it. It's just in my brain there's a bit of a double standard.
This is what we know She is pretty clear about the sex topic. You know, we we sat down with her, We had a whole conversation. I took paper and pensy like explain everything about the reproductive system, you know, and she was very uncomfortable. You know, she was kind of like, oh, mom, I know, but I explained everything. So she's pretty clear.
You know.
She now, God, she's going through puberty, so this is what it means. So now we have to be more mindful Sabella. But it's going to be really tricky when she actually starts dating somebody that we realized she really likes this kid. You know, it's going to be really interesting to know what's going to be our dynamic as parents. How are we going to deal Because just having a little friend that she just has a crush it's one thing.
But actually saying no, this is my boyfriend that I'm going to go to the mall or his parents are going to pick me up. What do you think about that? And we're gonna go to the movies? You know that it's I'm not ready definitely.
Well, and I'll tell you I think that one of the things that parents these days are not focusing on is the emotional side of having these relationships. Yes, alarm goes, alarm bells go off with the sex talk, and we're like, oh my gosh, we need to know that. But a lot of them don't talk about the emotional side of it and how what is a crush? What is love?
You know?
And I've I've had some more of those conversations with our son because I'm like, look, at some point, you may decide you don't want to be with her. I can't assume you're going to be with her forever. But how you break up with someone, how you talk to
them really matters. You know. He knows what I do for a living, so I tell him how what you're doing now, and not to put too much pressure on you, but just don't be a jerk because that will live with someone forever, and it will live with you forever, and hopefully you won't get you know, jerked around either.
So yeah, oh my goodness. It's a balance. It is not easy. It's not easy. It's not easy with the boy. I think it's going to be. Like you said, I don't know, and I grew up with men, you know, I have three brothers, and there even though it was the same household, and it was a very similar upbringing because we all saw what we saw. But the way my mom talked to me or never talk to me about sex or anything that had to do with emotional intelligence,
and this is how you navigate relationships. That conversation never ever happened, you know it was and if it ever happened, it was a threat. If I ever hear that you, if I ever hear that you, you know, that kind of thing. It's it's going to be interesting because because I grew up with men, I saw it all, you know, and I saw the double standard my parents had with
my brothers that with me. So it's going to be really interesting to see how I'm going to navigate Dylan and Sabella when they're dating.
And you know, it's funny that I see I don't see this in school with these kids, like we were saying, like with their daughter, it felt like more pressure, right with your son? I don't, I don't know, but you know, with adults, you hear Gallentine's Day. Now I'm hearing Single Person Awareness.
Day, which is wild wild.
Why is that not just accepted in school? Why aren't these kids just being like, I don't need a partner. We's Galentine's Day. Us girls can all be friends, or we can lift each other up.
Or I'm single, they're doing it. I think they're doing it. You're high. I feel like it's just you got to partner up with somebody. It's pressure, yeah, I.
Think again a lot of it comes down to family values. Is just like letting them know you are an individual. This is not like it's in these days. I have found because I do we have a high schooler as well, so we have two teens, oh my goodness, sixteen and thirteen, and now high schools are much more open to like you don't have to have a date to go to
a dance. You can go as long as you go to these schools or whatever it is, which is great because I remember there was a lot of pressure and fortunately there were friends that you could go with from these schools, but there was a lot of pressure to couple up for the night for sure, whether you had feelings like that or not, or whether it was a group or not. So I would say talking to them about, hey, why don't you do like a group thing or like
some of the things that my daughter does. She'll go to dances with a group of friends and they'll meet up with a group of guys. Nobody's dating anybody, but just reminding them. You know, you don't have to do this, and if you want to, you need to go to a guy and one of the kids and say, hey, you know, I'd love to give you something for Valentine's Day as a friend, you know? Will you do the same and have them talk it out instead of it being something that's all about perception?
You know, makes sense.
Let me say this before we let you go flip it back onto us. It's Valentine's Day.
What advice?
Now there's a broad statement, but what would you say to us something to take back again as homework or whatever because we failed last time? What kind of advice would you give us for Valentine's Day?
Okay, Roblin, allies are on you.
Expect to be at least, don't.
Worry because I've got you covered. Okay. I would love for you to initiate something from the skift that I'm going to send you called my Vivid Fantasy. It's an intimate couple's kit. Okay, this is gonna kill Okay, Okay, last time we talked, Broslyn, you said that you're very receptive to Eric, but you don't tend to initiate.
Correct.
I'm going to help you with that finally.
Okay, hilarious, Okay, I have to say it again.
Vivid Vivid, my vivid Fantasy you can get at my vivid Fantasy dot com. But of course I'm going to send this on to you. And it's got good is inside including well there's but including a blindfold restraint.
Oh my goodness.
Okay, how to use it? We got lou We've got a toy, a signature pillow talk candbell. Okay, this is I mean, look, I got you hit that.
It is. But they take me somewhere. I don't want to do other house. They just take me somewhere because let's go to All High. Let's go to like a fabulous you.
Can't put we have we have to deal with kids and all kinds of saff you can't put demands on.
Of course I can exactly actually met. Yes, we fly. No, we're gonna go to All We're actually a Minnesot. We're gonna be out of town. So guess what. We're going to be out of town at a hotel. So we don't have any kids on Voluntine's there, that's right.
Which would probably be asleep because this gonna be a time difference and all that, so it's probably gonna this would be interesting.
Fifteen Let go. I know, right, he's already like like talking here.
Unbelievable, believable anyways, funny, I'm very excited to see what's.
In that box. I don't want to say vivid.
That's you know, here's the thing for all of you who are trying to do something special this holiday, the Valentine's Holiday, but who don't really know where to start, a lot of it is just asking your partner. You could ask them this sympol question of like how do I help you to feel loved? Just start there, start that conversation, and if they don't ask it back, say this is how I try to show you that I love you? Does it? Land? Having a heartfelt conversation is
cheap and it can go a long way. So don't you don't have to go overboard with any of it. Just be loving, be kind, be generous, and don't forget about it. Valentine's Day. It's February the fourteenth, It's a friday. And even if you don't make something happen on that Friday you got all weekend.
All of the good news is I have a Valentine.
I'm very happy with it.
So this is fantastic. Sweet thank you, it's good. Thank you so much, doctor B. We appreciate you always love having you.
Thank you.
It is awesome. Thank you so much.
Take care by bye bye.
So you have it. Vivid Box David, Minnesota. It is on like dog Kings. It's gonna be like a stand up comedy and that laughter is.
Going to be herd.
I have to blindfold you and I have to do anything. There's a bunch of stuff in that box. You have to seebody who have to follow the box says I think.
It's I think it's picked your own adventure, choose you an adventure box.
That's really funny. I want to be laughing. It's gonna be a good time. It's gonna be something anyways, having valentinee. Everybody love you Valentine's Day.
Love you, Thanks for listening.
Don't forget to write us a review and tell us what you think. If you want to follow us on Instagram, check goes out at he said, ajor is that email Eric and Ross at iHeartRadio dot com, he said, is part of iHeart Radio's Mike Will Do That podcast network. See you next time. Bye,