Good morning. It's Haystack. It's time for what's pretty much my favorite time of the week when I get to chat with my dear, long lost friend Bama, who moved down, moved back home to Alabama on me and Bama. Did you see this deal where the cruise ship water slide broke and shot a guy out like a cannonball? Oh, I sure did, Haystack. They said it spit that poor feller out like a mouthful of chewing tobacco. And let me tell you, Haystack, I can read. Ain't. Oh, goodness. I'm almost afraid to ask.
Well, this one time I was on a cruise, I was lounging in the hot tub when the tassel from my bikini got sucked into the drain. The next thing I knowed, I was trapped underwater. Well, that sounds terrifying. Well, it was terrifying. I'm staring death right in the gooch, Haystack. So I take the only life saving measure I could think of and I went topless. So you're telling me that helped? Well, yeah, absolutely.
It's funny how the very thing I've been given a bunch of tickets for was the thing that saved my life. Like my grandma always said, God works in mysterious and occasionally inappropriate ways. Huh. I don't think that's how the quote goes. Oh, I'm pretty sure it was, Haystack. Anyhow, I gotta go. My cat swallowed my press on nails and I gotta induce vomiting so I can get ready for my job interview. Please tell me that those two things are not related. We'll see, Haystack. We will see.