I've heard a lot of different theories about my biological father. I have heard that he was a reporter. I heard that he was somebody that worked with her at the post office. I heard that it was another inmate's husband. I've heard that it was just some guy off the street. She knew she was going to get pregnant, and she wanted to get pregnant, and just picked up the first guy she saw, So you know, I don't know.
In nineteen eighty three, Diane Downs shot her three children, killing her daughter Cheryl and forever altering the lives of not only her two surviving children, but the other people in her life. Before her imprisonment, she purposely set out to give birth to another child, who would incidentally become another life permanently changed by Diane's actions. There's a tired old idiom that people often use when confronting the things they've buried and hidden. The truth will set you free.
The fact is, sometimes the truth is its own prison, like when the truth of who your father is becomes a dark shadow that follows you and suffocates you until you finally are forced to confront it. When eleven year old Becky found out her biological mother was Diane Downs. It disrupted her identity and changed the course of her behavior and her life. Now she's seeking the other half of that puzzle, the identity of her biological father, someone
who may or may not even know she exists. Will that truth help bring balance to the way of her own truth or will it only further add to the chaos of her self image. Without knowing for sure the identity of Becky's father, one has to wonder if he himself is even aware that Becky is his.
It crosses in my mind sometimes.
I mean, maybe he just doesn't want to believe that I could be that child, or that he could be that father, because I've been public now for ten years with my story, and if my biological father wanted to find me, he would have the only things I can come up with. Or he doesn't know he's my biological father, he doesn't want to be my biological father, or is deceased. I mean, if you are intimate with somebody in nine months later there's a baby, I would question that.
There was very little physical description of the father given, and what's there didn't help narrow down the possibilities.
My adopted mom, she told me that on my adoption paperwork that he was listed as being like six', two blonde, hair blue. Eyes that's ALL i. KNOW i think that He's german Or, danish and that's. IT i don't know anything.
Else there's a certain piece To becky's current. Situation she's lived her entire life up to this point not knowing the identity of her biological, father and as far as she, knows he could be, anyone someone, good someone, interesting someone, loving someone ready to embrace his long lost daughter with open. Arms he could fit any Temple becky wants or needs him.
TO i can decide who he, is AND i, can you, know think that he's an amazing. Person and even if he's, not as long as he's a decent human, Being i'd be. Happy But i'm scared to go on this journey because what if he is, Deceased what if he doesn't want me in his. Life it's, very very scary to open this. Door BUT i am very lucky to have the parents THAT i do.
Have it's not Just becky's biological, father who isn't a part of her, life but her two half, Siblings christy And, danny survivors Of diane's attack also live their own private lives independent of any real relationship With.
BECKY i did reach out to them back in two thousand and. SIX i Found christy. Online we had a little bit of a conversation. Going we spoke every couple of. Days she told me a little bit about. HERSELF i told her about, myself and one DAY i got a message that or And danny don't want anything to do with, me that so much time would, pass they don't want to get to know me more.
Rejection christy And danny knew About, becky that they were, related that they shared the similar, link and still wanted nothing to do with.
Her and it's understandable what they went. THROUGH i could never even, imagine and maybe being in my life or meeting me would bring up some of that for.
Them i'm not.
Sure becky also reached out To diane's.
Father i've spoken with Diane downs's, Father.
Wes he was a sweet.
Man he wanted to tell me a lot of the family, history but he also wanted to tell me About diane and about her case and how she's.
Innocent becky didn't set out with the intention of speaking To diane's father about the, crime but to some extent it was.
UNAVOIDABLE i asked Both diane and her father when we first spoke all those years, ago THAT i didn't want to hear about her guilt or her. INNOCENCE i just want to hear about. HER i just want to know about the. FAMILY i just want to know about my biological. FATHER i wanted to leave the case out of it BECAUSE i knew all they were going to do is try and convince me that she's. INNOCENT i just wanted to know them that side of my.
Family is there a part of you that questions whether she's?
Innocent diane's innocence has been a question for a lot of people for a long. TIME i don't believe she's, innocent, no BUT i know that people.
Do there are some, people Like diane, herself who champion her innocence to this. Day her, Brother James, frederickson.
Is one of.
Them james was one of the only family members willing to talk To becky and me About diane and their family. History he believes that part of understanding Who diane was is understanding her relationship with her ex, Husband, steve who she blames for much of what she. Became she Sent james a letter detailing her marriage and relationships leading up to the, shooting which is oddly written mostly in third. Person james shares a bit of that.
Here Bass steve came into our lives in nineteen seventy. One we'd Moved chandler to a farm And steve was a farm hand for the. Neighbors my mom and dad wanted my sister to date other, boys but you, know she was head over heels For, steve and Obviously steve was head over heels for. Her judge married them On november, thirteenth nineteen seventy, three with Only Greg roach and the judge's secretary as, witnesses Because diane had no friends of her own at that. Time she said that she got
married and whatever the date was. Right but the reality is that you know she got married because my dad went over to their house where they were out of the, apartment and, said you will marry my. Daughter we were At baptist's, house you know WHAT i. Mean it's like you didn't want things to be bad or look, bad
and so you know you will marry my. Daughter well it happened fast because my dad was, there you, know And it's Like i'm going to use the term it was a shotgun, wedding you know WHAT i. Mean steve didn't want problems with my. Dad my dad was really he didn't physically Scarre steve that he intimidated.
Him there is a theory in domestic violence cases known as a cycle of, abuse which often begins with rising tension and the need to placate the. Abuser according To, Diane steve began this cycle early into his And diane's.
Relationship steve controlled everyone she talked, to and he didn't let her talk to anyone she was. Working then when they, married she was talking to other guys at, lunchtime and so he made her. Quit he didn't permit a phone in her. Apartment the grocery store was a three minute walk from where they lived at one Hundred West Ray, road but she wasn't even permitted to go shopping without. Him my sister was barely eighteen and in her own mind going on, twelve and had never given her new.
Husband caused suspector of, infidelity but he was just sick with suspicion and.
Jealousy soon after they, Married steve was openly unfaithful To.
Diane two weeks after their, Marriage steve came home from work at the Entire company where he worked In mesa and announced he was going out With janet the. Receptionists diane was a bit confused by that they were married after. All steve blew up and he, said, HEY i Promised janet they'd go. Out the marriage vows came so quickly he forgot to call off their. Date he Said diane just needed to iron his shirt and not make things harder for. Him one month, Later steve went out with
his buddies For New. Year diane was told to wait at home until eleven forty. Five she, said got tired of waiting and she walked to his friend's. House she did what she was, told But steve wasn't. There then they Told diane she'd have to wait in the line Behind. Debbie So steve was at the party with other.
Women diane was pregnant With, christy her oldest, daughter and Allegedly steve saw this as an inconvenience and didn't want to deal with.
Her two months, Later diane got. Pregnant she had morning sickness like most women, do but instead Of steve's hanging around and supporting. Her steve took her to his parents' home In gilbert because he wasn't ready to live with the sick. Wife While diane was at his parents', House steve moved in With. Jackie When jackie's, Husband dale returned From, California steve Drew dale from. Exile these are just the little parts about the, Infidelity so then we start talking about the abuse.
Man according To, Diane steve wasn't only controlling and, unfaithful but his abuse crossed the threshold into. Physical in the, Meantime diane had a second, Child, danny and another, Daughter.
Cheryl in nineteen eighty, Two diane was talking on the. Phone steve came. HOME i heard talking on the. Phone he thought she was talking to a man on the, phone so he picked up the phone and slammed it. Down they argued and he slapped and punched, her and the phone rang And diane obviously answered, it and it was Actually holly on the phone saying That karen was Afraid steve was hitting. Her diane looked At steve and said To, holly yes he. Is he's still. Here so
he grabbed the phone and he Hit diane with. It she rested the phone From, hungue hung it up and engaged.
Him diane And steve were divorced at this, point but he still lived with her and the. Kids, eventually the abuse reached a breaking point and she started to fight. BACK a judge issued a restraining, order But steve didn't stay. Away in the, Meantime diane had bought a gun in an effort to protect, herself and then one Day steve had her cornered in a bathroom.
When he was kicking the door. Open she fired a warning shot into the. Floor the next, week he moved his furniture out of her home as a stealthy as he moved. In that Was september, fourteenth nineteen eighty.
Two In october of that, Year diane's four month old mobile home burned, down and she sent her kids to live With steve so they wouldn't be. Homeless she eventually found another place to, live But steve wouldn't allow her.
To have the children.
Back during this, Time diane saw affection from other.
Men yeah she was Seeing nick that.
Time nick Is Robert, knickerbacker a married man who supposedly didn't like. Children the fact that some believe may have later played Into diane's motivation for the.
Shooting married men showed her the most affection because married men were safe to, her because married men didn't want to leave their. Wives they just wanted some. Affection and really that's All diane ever really. Wanted she was still that twelve year old little girl striving for that, affection and she went out and she got that affection from married.
Men diane's attention from other men is what led to her earlier divorce From. Steve despite his own, unfaithfulness he believed she'd actually become.
Pregnant With danny due to an.
Affair he ended their marriage believing the pregnancy shouldn't have been possible due to. Vasectomy, diane it, seemed enjoyed being. Pregnant she had a fourth child Before, becky but this time as a.
Surrogate so, yeah it was just basically she went through the surrogacy, program delivered a, baby gave it to a. Family she got ten thousand dollars for, that and that helped her in her. Life.
Right When diane became pregnant With, Becky james dismissed it as if it were almost like another surrogacy AND i.
Wasn't going to have another niece and. NEPHEW i was basically having another surrogate. CHILD i wasn't attached to. IT i wasn't bonded with. IT i wasn't any of.
That After diane's trial And becky's, Birth james didn't give the baby much.
Thought, yeah they took her away AND i knew that she, existed BUT i didn't know anything about.
Her and that was that out of, sight out of. Mind and then one Day becky appeared on twenty. Twenty james first impression was not a great.
One what did you think when you first saw her on a news?
Program honesty's. SURE i didn't understand why she was making a fuss out of something if she had two perfectly, wonderful loving. PARENTS i don't remember what exactly she. Said she basically said that she's going to make sure That diane doesn't gain. PAROLE i didn't like her at.
All james had made an earlier attempt to Contact becky and tried to convert her to his version of the.
TRUTH i reached out to her on social media and we, talked AND i tried talking to her about WHAT i know is truth and the story that she knows is the public, story The Anne rules. Story she really wasn't willing to. Listen did that frustrate? You it's always, Frustrating, yeah every single.
Time watching twenty, Twenty james grew increasingly frustrated With Anne, ruhle author of the Book becky first discovered in the bookstore as.
An eleven year. Old he believed that she had.
Many things About diane's story and the crime, wrong and That becky's view of her biological mother's guilt had been colored by that. Book he also doesn't believe That anne knew the identity Of becky's, father despite her.
Claims so people that are, adopted some of them have a desire to find out who they come, from whether it's Be diane the murderer Or diane the. Victim she still knows that she comes From, diane and she doesn't know who her father, is and unfortunately there's only two people that. Do the author didn't know who the father was because she wasn't there during conception and has never been told by my sister who the person. Is the only people that know are the mother and the father Of.
Becky it was some guy in her, rout you know WHAT i? Mean it wasn't even a Cowork it was just some guy on her, route you. KNOW i, MEAN i DON'T i don't have any idea who it.
Is he, knows or maybe he, DOESN'T.
I would, Imagine SO i don't. Know, Yeah diane's never told, him so maybe he, doesn't you, know BECAUSE i mean it's, like you, know she got a reputation of sleeping around you know WHAT i, mean she, didn't but that was her. Reputation SO i, mean as a, guy if you are just you, know sleeping with somebody just once or, twice then you, know it's like you're not really concerned whether that person gets pregnant or not until they come knock on your. Door and, so, no he may not. Know he may not.
Know despite the fact That james And becky didn't see eye to eye in his earlier attempts to contact, her he wants another chance to, explain which may be his primary reason for his willingness to meet with her.
Again ten years ago on the social media and then via. Phone and then she didn't really want anything to do with the, truth as we've stayed. Earlier you, know it's like talking about some of the letters That diane wrote her after being in. Solitary you need to believe that she's. Psychotic you need to believe that she's a deviant sociopath or whatever those words are that they're throwing out. There but she wasn't willing to. Listen as my whole, POINT i talked to, her then she did not, listen And
i'm hoping today she. Listens And i'm always willing to talk to anybody who's willing to, listen because the truth needs to be out. There.
WELL i spoke To. James becky was waiting in the studio to speak with him before bringing her. IN i spoke to her alone for a few minutes to gauge her feelings on the situation and brief her on what to.
Expect i've been talking To james, here asking him about his feelings today about meeting, you finding out his. Intentions when we first got in the, studio he was quite overwhelmed because there's so much he wanted to. Share and then WHAT i found, interesting, though is that he really really cared about today and wanted to come today with something sort of as an offer of information that he could.
Provide first of, all he has a letter From diane and it's written To amy to, you and it's going to talk about her time being pregnant with.
You. Yeah one thing THAT i.
Am concerned about Is diane still denies That i'm her biological, daughter and so this letter is written To, amy who WILL i GUESS i don't identify with because she doesn't claim to be my biological. Mother so there's been like a disconnect. There i'm not sure how to respond When james reads that, letter because my initial knee jerk reaction would be uncomfortable and.
Upset the truth is is, that regardless of the Name amy Or, rebecca you were that.
Baby it doesn't feel like, that you, know it feels like almost a separate person, completely especially because she doesn't believe that it's.
Me she may not believe it's, you but your physical being had that experience as a, newborn as a, child as a baby girl coming into this, world and regardless of, name it was your.
EXPERIENCE i wrote her back in two thousand and six WHEN i put my son up for, adoption wanting to connect with. Her it feels like this letter that you guys have been talking about is almost going to be that connection THAT i needed back then and after we had such a meltdown with her in the last letter where she was very. CRUEL i don't want that connection with, Her So i'm nervous about hearing this, letter and i
don't know How i'll. Feel If i'm being completely transparent and, Honest i'm almost scared THAT i want to have that connection Like diyre's that conflict of being the adopted child that you want that connection with your biological. Parents but it's it's a battle in my, heart in my head BECAUSE i don't want to be connected to.
Her mm, hmmm all, Right so how are we going to do? This because he's gonna want to say? Hi then we let he walks through the. Door it's fine where she's bringing it right now? Recording oh, Yeah i'm, ready.
All, Right, james this Is. Becky, hi good to see.
You, yeah where's your?
Chip that's? Good? Yeah how are you?
Nervous getting through?
It it's a little, different like we were, mentioning is the first Time i've actually met anybody from the bi, family so it's it's.
Different so this is all different.
Too after some setup and light chit, chat they get right into. It james immediately begins to read the letter he received From.
Diane he, SAYS i was four and a half months pregnant WHEN i was. Arrested amy AND i were locked in a jail cell alone for nearly four months before she was. Born she gave me the strength to keep calm during the. Trial every Day i'd tell her that she was going to be. Okay i'd pat her bottom and rubb her back and. CAMBER i didn't let myself get consumed with worry for her. Sake, then when we returned to our jail cell after my first day on the witness, stand there was a court order waiting in
our concrete slab. Bed the state had seems custody Of amy even before she was. Born the trial wasn't even over, yet and the state was taking. HER i was physically, ill but couldn't dwell on it BECAUSE i didn't Want amy to feel my. Pain it was a difference. Story after she was, GONE i cried and cried and felt Like i'd lost a friend as much as a. Child that's a loss from Which i'll never. Recover that's what my sister said about. You, Wow SO.
I didn't realized that she felt that.
Way there's been pictures painted of my, sisters being a callous, person not a good. Mother that's the way she felt about all of her. Kids that's not the way she felt about the surrogate. Child you're not a surrogate.
CHILD i struggle with her connection with me because of the fact that she got pregnant with me on, purpose because she knew she could and she wanted to Replace, cheryl and she knew that she would get sympathy from the.
Courts and those Are rules, words those are writer's. Words those aren't, True.
Okay isn't. IT i saw something about. It i've never read An rule's. Book there was one of her recordings or something THAT i. THOUGHT i don't know, ANYWAYS i never knew she felt that.
Way james shifts almost immediately into defensive mode with regards To. Diane there's a bit of tension Between james And, becky And james is eager to push through his agenda for.
Meeting so when did she write?
That about two weeks? Ago? WOW i asked her to share something with me because she doesn't. WANT i, said the world needs to understand what she felt like when you were having the baby teeth a, way she says she can't really talk about when the baby was taken, away because it's just. Crying you, know she cried and. Cried what else is there to? Say she was, Induced she didn't have it. Natural they told the court before she was convicted that they're going to take the baby.
Away they told the jerors that already finding her guilty before The jersey was started.
Deliberating it is really, interesting it's very, interesting and she.
DID i don't think the word replace it's a good word to, say because you can never replace, you right with another. Baby she can't Replace cheryl with another. Baby she can't Replace christie with another. Baby you're her, daughter and you were very much. Loved the state did not want you to be raised by her or see the, family so you were given to another. Family SO i.
Feel a sort of a. DISCONNECT i reached out To.
DIANE i think it was in two thousand and, six and her first couple letters, were you, know oh my, Gosh i've always known where you, were and you'd write me.
Someday they were excited and.
Happy but now to this, day you, know she denies That i'm her biological.
Child there in between two, right, yeah crazy, letters we might, say.
Right they're pretty.
Intense, yeah and, threatening and you, know saying that there's been somebody watching me my whole life and trying to kill, me and and scary stuff she did.
That did you feel like you were watching a movie and that she was threatening you from in the jail or did you feel like that she was being Sincere she was truly worried for, you because, again she didn't commit this, crime. Right whoever did this to her is still out there and if you are her, child in her, opinion then you're in.
Danger things With james start to grow a bit.
Tense there's not a single person THAT i know that is backing me and doing this because the media has been very, violent very, vile and the media is one of the reasons WHY i don't want to use the word fearful to meet, you BUT i wasn't looking forward to.
Meeting they go back and forth about the details Surrounding diane's public behavior at the time of the shooting and her seeming lack of emotion when re enacting the. Scene becky pokestoles in james argument For diane's, innocence which he repeatedly.
DEFENDS i can tell tell you that for many Years i've been very angry at, you mainly because WHEN i tried to talk to, you didn't want to talk to. Me one of the things that you said was the purpose of doing what you're doing is so you can be sure That diane does not get. Parole right. NOW
i don't want to be a part of. THAT i don't want to be a part of somebody that's trying to keep my sister in, prison because how she acts is Just i've never been, Shot i've never had my child killed in front of, me you know WHAT i, Mean AND i just it's, just how are you supposed to? Act, well you're wrong because you don't know, right you know WHAT i.
Mean at this, point the tension is, palpable.
Straight out In english. LANGUAGE i could, not in any, way shape or, form be a part of somebody's life that thought my sister was.
GUILTY i understand.
That and really my life is now consumed with my, sister which is Why i'm sitting, here and WHAT i. Want WHAT i believe is that if you looked at not actions and, evidence that there is no doubt that she would believe that she's.
INNOCENT i understand that you came here solely to speak of her innocence and not to meet. ME i wanted to reach out to, you to give you your voice and to get to know. You so dad just really. HURTS i talked to your dad for. YEARS i don't want to be just some, person AND i understand that you're. ANGRY i would need, Too but why are you.
Here my sister's in. Person she doesn't belong, there AND i want you to be her. MOUTHPIECE i want you to go out there and tell the world as she didn't do.
This it becomes clear That james Believes diane when she says that whoever she claims is the actual shooter is still out, there a theory he has also.
Adopted you want me to be an advocate for, her that's, right but that would require me to believe she's.
Innocent that's.
Right and why DO i? Why? Why? Why? Why why WOULD i even say that to? You IF i didn't believe, that if you stopped and you looked at what happened, here and if you looked at everything That i've gotten to show, you if you really had an open, mind you weren't thinking about how crazy she. Was there is no doubt in my mind that you would be and then you could use your voice to help get her. Out is she your, Mother she's my biological. Mother you.
GO i don't constantly say mean things about. HER i defend her even when people you, know say horrible. THINGS i, say she was in solitary for so long even a sane person would go.
Crazy you. Know it's those letters that she.
WROTE i she also believed she was protecting you those. Letters when she was saying to keep, quiet quit, talking as he's still out, there she was protecting. It that's part of her theory about what happened to. Her, okay and she believes that she's being, watched so she believes that we're all still in.
Danger do you believe that if she was released she could get help for her mental issues as?
Is do you think she would be? SAFE i know she would be.
Safe it's a really strange talking to her at, times because as incoherent about man watching and things like, that she is so incredibly coherent About if she doesn't talk about, that she's incredibly, coherent incredibly.
Normal there was finally an, opening And becky decides to ask what she believes is the most important question she has For, James.
Yeah do you know who my biological father?
Is? SORRY i do know that he was guy on her impulsed rite is ALL i. Know there's only one person that knows we were talking. Earlier and it's like the father may not even know he's a.
File and that's What i'm.
Thinking it's either he's passed, away he doesn't, know or he doesn't want to.
Know she didn't tell. Him she didn't tell him she was.
Pregnant james And becky finally both have their respective agendas for the conversation out in the. Open For James diane's innocence and For becky her biological father's. Identity james agrees to take A dna test to help her in her.
QUEST i, MEAN i think that would be. Wonderful it might Settle diane a little, bit to know for. Real it might help me find my biological. Father oh, NO i will let you know your.
Heritage, yeah that's what they say From denmark about two or three years. Ago my dad probably told, you, Right, yeah, yeah From, Denmark Denmark. ROYALTY i don't feel. COMPLETE i don't feel complete talking to. YOU i want TO i feel like you've judged her because of how she yeahs believe that if you need to open you're looking for. Things And i'm not saying you're looking in the wrong,
area because nowhere you look is. Wrong but maybe you need to look at what was done to, her what was done to her so you couldn't be with her even they stopped you from being with. Her she didn't stop, It they stopped.
It james calms a bit and sort of seems to regret being so outwardly, aggressive but still can't help pushing his.
AGENDA i, MEAN i understand that you have a lot of, emotion, right And i'm sorry IF i just your. EMOTION i just need you to really think about you didn't send it to me an? Email? Why this is WHY i Think diane did.
This, okay, okay all, right thank you. GUYS i think that's a wrap for. Today that was a lot for both of.
You no, Apologies, NO i really really do, care.
RIGHT i don't want you to be. SAD i don't want anybody to be sad for any. Reason, yeah and believe me WHEN i said, THAT i mean that with my heart THAT i believe that you're going to beat her, voice. DON'T i didn't see it in, envision un or. Anything it's just my. Heart, yeah we can definitely talk.
More we'll follow up on.
This it's hard to say If becky got what she wanted from the interaction With. James it's the first member of The frederickson side of the family who's agreed to meet with her and have a real conversation About. Diane so in many, ways it's as close As becky has ever been to the maternal side of her family. Line despite the tension between, Them james agreed to Give becky a key piece of the puzzle to help confirm her
genetic identity HIS. Dna with, This becky will hopefully finally be able to confirm what and for all that she's in fact the biological daughter Of Diane. Downes on the next episode Of Happy Face presents To, face we unpack the details of exactly what happened on that faithful night In may of nineteen eighty three When diane downs and her three children arrived at That, Springfield oregon, hospital all with gunshot.
Wounds