Broken

Previously on Happy Face.

Keith fell in high school. I believe it was twenty five feet. When they interview killers, they have found that a large percentage of them damaged their front bealob before they were twenty two, changes their whole personality.

Keith's father, Lass was a very resourceful, ingenious man, but he could be a monster.

He was horrible. I hated him less told him, this is the way what you're going to say in court for the mobile art or absolutely he did.

He dragged me to a nursing home to visit one of his hunting buddies. He said, my friend's smitt. He's not doing too good with his lung cancer. Keith talk to him, son. Nobody likes to die alone. I never feared a dead person after that.

One of the few people that Keith opened up to about his childhood was psychologist al Carlisle swe Can.

By the age of eight, it was a lot of anger.

If you do me wrong, I was going to I was bound and determined to get even.

Any learning problems.

No life for you intelligence.

I'm very intelligent, but I just didn't adapt myself to it.

I received a letter a week before he got arrested it said, Rose, what I did is bigger than ol J. Simpson, that I'll probably be in hell forever, and the bye Keith.

In love fin with the sun.

I don't know, shine, oh.

Oh nice.

The subconscious mind often knows the truth long before we do. I'm Lauren Bright Pacheco, and this is happy face.

I was driving in a car down the road, and this is after your dad and I were separated. Actually it was not officially divorce, but we were separated. And they had on the news that they were searching for the Green River Killer. And I go, hmm, I wonder if that's Keith. Why did I say that? But I think you internally know things that you don't stake, you don't acknowledge, so.

Intuitively, I just said it out loud. I go, I wonder if that's Keith.

And then I guess, like, oh, why did I think that? I don't know, because I think by time we were separated, I had so many more pieces of the puzzle, and I was starting to connect things, because before it was I got a piece here and a piece here. I think I got enough pieces that I was beginning.

To connect it. Melissa also remembers having thoughts she couldn't explain.

There was a time where I actually had a vision of my father behind bars, and there's nobody I could tell to because nobody would believe me. It was when I was in seventh grade. I was walking to school and I had a mental image pop up in my mind of my father being behind the glass and having a telephone, and my stomach sunk and I felt sorrow and sadness. I just remember thinking that was a very intense emotion attached to the vision.

We've gone too far.

From I the Making of a Serial Killer by Jack Olsen. Dawn was coming and pretty soon the traffic could be too heavy for me to unload her on the shoulder. I thought back to when I first met her and loved her and to her for all time. I needed to do one more killing and then end this murder machine for good. I put my fist against her throat for the last time, just before she passed out. I told her, you're number eight, and yes, I will get away with it. She didn't breathe again.

It's especially hard for Melissa to process some of her seemingly happy memories now, even something as harmless as watching television together.

Growing up with my dad something that we used to do together as we used to watch true crime shows, even when I was like a young girl. I remember him sitting on the brown velvet couch and I would crawl up on his lap, and then because he was so tall, I would actually crawl up on the back of the couch and sit on his shoulders and we

Terrified as you're sitting on the yeah, as.

I'm sitting on the shoulders of my father, thinking I hope something like that never happens to me. I hope that I know how to keep myself safe. And I think that's partially why I watched these programs, as I was looking for ways of like what did the victim do that could have saved her life. I was analyzing this, and ironically, I think my father was analyzing how to get away with murder and what tools did the detectives have.

That were.

Or alarming, were odd and bizarre and explicit.

What and was it targeted towards you?

Yeah, he would target it towards me. I didn't see my brother and my sister getting the same treatment. Maybe because I'm the oldest I was his confidant.

It was just.

Peppered throughout our conversations. These things he would say that were startling. He would say, I know how to commit the most perfect murder.

How old were you?

I was a young woman. I was in my early teens, and I remember thinking this is odd, but it was one of the first times I heard him say something like that. He would say, I would cut the buttons off of her jeans so that my fingerprints wouldn't be on them. I would then wear my cycling shoes so that I wouldn't leave a soule print in the dirt, and then I would make sure her belongings were other places.

From I the Creation of a Serial Killer by Jack Olsen, I drove to a spot on the downhill side of Highway fourteen on the Washington State side of the Columbia Gorge, across the river from where I threw Tanya Bennett's body in Oregon. I carried her over past a guardrail in some garbage sacks and pitched her down a fifteen foot embankment. I stared at her crumpled body in the weeds and thought, how she'd only lasted five days with me. What a waste.

Nineteen ninety five, the year Keith Jesperson was arrested, was already an incredibly traumatic one for Melissa for a variety of reasons. To get further insight into what she was going through, we traveled to meet with her high school boyfriend Nick.

We're close to Shadele, so this is where I went to high school in nineteen ninety five. When I heard the news about my dad, I was going to the school and I was dating a guy named Nick. He was actually my first boyfriend. When I started my freshman year here he was in my English class, and he was just actually kind of simuch to my dad in the sense that he was a jokester. He was funny,

I found that appealing.

He asked me to dance that fall, and before I knew it, he just became a part of my life, you know. And I got pregnant. I got pregnant my freshman year. Something was off with my body, and I could just tell something was up, and so I got a pregnancy test and I went into the bathroom stall here at Shadle, right here. It was after classes, and the pregnancy test turned positive, and I was alone and thinking, holy shit.

Like what do I do?

How did he react to finding out you were pregnant.

Not well, not well at all.

He didn't handle it well. I mean, like he's a teenage boy too, so like I'll give him that. But I didn't handle it well either. I was in panic mode at that point. Once I found I was pregnant, I was terrified. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't tell my mom. I felt like if I told my mom, she would think I was a whore. And so right after I found out that was pregnant is when the news hit about my dad.

With her mother and siblings living in poverty, Melissa found herself once again, back in her grandmother's basement, young and scared and having to face a really difficult choice.

You only have believe it's twelve weeks, and every week that would pass, it was just like getting closer to that deadline and the pressure is building.

But also at the same time, while I was going through that, I was learning about my dad and his crimes and now we're living in the basement of my grandmother's house. That's where Nick actually became a really critical part in my.

Life because he had a car.

He would actually come to the north side of town and come pick me up and take me to school. He made it so much more convenient to get to school, and I was in my relationship with him. It was a very dysfunctional relationship. It was extreme highs and lows, and when things were good, they were good. When things were bad they were extremely bad. Physical and he was very possessive of me. He would hold my when we walk

From I the Creation of a Serial Killer by Jack Olsen, I went back to my truck and rehearsed the lies I planned to tell when I was arrested. I took myself back to when I killed Tanya and tried to figure out what made me cross the line into murder. Was it the things I read about in the detective magazines, arson animal abuse that I killed to make up for a wasted life, for my own fuck ups. Was it dad's fault, my brother's, my mother's. It was too easy

I was living a nightmare and it became my only option in my mind. When I came home one day saw my sleeping bag on the cot and thought, a crib does not fit here next to a cot. I just couldn't see it, and that's when the choice was made for me. I don't see how a baby bed could be right there, and it couldn't bear the thought of being financially dependent on Nick or welfare like my mom was. So I felt like the only option for me to break out of this poverty was to not

As Melissa began to put the pieces of her past back together after more than twenty years, she decided to visit Nick, maybe to confront him, maybe foreclosure. It was hard to tell, maybe just to remember.

How far away from the house.

We're just about a minute a walk.

Okay, I just haven't seen him for at least twenty years. I'm so nervous. Your destination is on the left.

Oh right now, right there.

Well, it's a cute house. Oh there he is on the fort. Oh my god, he sees us. Okay, he's dressed nice too. Okay, Hey, Nick, how are you a long time?

No?

See, I'll go to say so. Thanks for agreeing it.

Thanks.

So is the SR place?

Yeah, we'll go.

Melissa didn't think that Nick would sit down and meet with her, and when I called him and reached out, he immediately responded with such positivity. The first thing you thought of when you walked through the door was it was so bright and cheerful and didn't look like a bachelor pad at all. The house was spotless, almost as if it were staged for a real estate photo.

I've got lots of spare room because I'm hoping to get my kids coming soon. I'm working on it, working on getting here.

There was something very tidy and cheerful about the house, and something very sad too, because you could feel the absence of his kids. It's like he had built this house for his children to enjoy, and they weren't there, so.

State, No, they're with their mom right now. And it's a long story. I was married for seven years, have four kids, and all I want is my weekends, and I just want the kids to know that I've been trying and then I never stopped and I've never given up. And whatever their mom says to them, they're going to know something else someday too. And that's about all I want to say about it right now, because it's it's a mess. Sorry about that. Oh, it's okay, and life

At the end of the tour. We settled down at this impeccably clean dining room table to talk about his pastor with Morssa.

Do you remember my members a little glory me too on some of that.

What do you remember from maybe just maybe you could just tell me what you remember of that time frame?

And then well, I remember one day you just coming out and telling me that there was something about your dad you wanted to tell me, and you weren't sure if if the information was true or what to believe, and you told me what you knew. It was shocking to me, but I didn't know what to say or what to do to help you.

Time one murder, it was Julie Winningham, I didn't even know her name yet, and we went to the library.

We did several times and we would look up the articles and I remember you had said you weren't sure what to believe in it was shocking, and you also had heard it after he was arrested. He had wrote a letter to his family that had stuff in it that you didn't get to know what was in it, but you heard that he had made a lot of statements that would have would be admissions. And I didn't know what to think either. Yeah, we were just young.

I was fifteen. How old were you seen fifteen as well?

Both age. I remember just being stunned. I'm not sure what to believe.

Well, I just I trust to do and I didn't feel judgment from you about it at all. Well. I remember one paper in particular, there was a statement from the son of Julie Winningham, the victim, that was towards the end, towards the trial, and that was pretty devastating where he talked about obviously he's torn up and devastated, rightfully so, and wanted my dad to be killed, like he wanted him dead. And I remember thinking, like, this

So that's what I remember, just as you said it. And it was hard to help you in any way other than just kind of being your friend to listen and be there if I could. You didn't want to believe it. I remember that out of all of the talking that we did, most of it you didn't want it to be true.

Do you remember meeting him?

Yes, once. He was a real nice guy, just calming and there was nothing, nothing to abnormal at all about him. And I didn't realize.

Because you were my boyfriend at the time, no or was he just like nobody.

Pulled me into the kitchen and asked me, you know how I felt about you.

And I really, yeah, I remember that, and I told him that I cared about you a lot and you were really cool, and uh, I just told him that it was nice to meet him, and I thanked him and I tried to keep it.

Cool, yeah, because you know I was nervous. You know, I've never met him before. But he didn't didn't immediate me at all. He didn't scare me in any way. I didn't feel any Why would I have.

From The Oregonian March twenty ninth, nineteen ninety five by John Painter Junior, a long haul trucker told a Clark County Sheriff's Office detective by phone that he strangled Julianne Winningham, forty one, while raping her in the sleeper cap with his rig after gagging her with duct tape. During the autopsy, smokelike stains were found on parts of her body, suggesting

While Melissa has very strong recollections about what transpired between her and Nick, Nick's memories are much more fond and kinder. What becomes clear is that they went through a very difficult situation as two young teenagers and it's still hard as adults.

Something that I haven't really talked about a lot, though, is that we got pregnant.

Do you remember that? Yes, And I haven't talked to anybody about that. I tried not to think about it then, and it came back years later. I mean, I had a lot of emotions that came from it, and it was when I had children later that's when things came back, and that's when I started thinking about it again because I would get too much emotions to think about it.

No blame, Like we're young kids.

Is there a physical side to your relationship?

There was a couple of incidents, do you remember, what do you mean? Like we were we had kind of a violent relationship a little bit. There are some aspects that were were not healthy.

Probably arguing more than we should about certain things, not knowing how to talk about it. Yeah, yeah, I remember we had some some heated discussions about what we know, what we wanted to do, and how we were going to move forward. I do remember that.

Yeah.

Do you think this was out of fear? Yeah? Probably.

You could tell that there was a pain, a hesitation when Nick spoke about his own emotions regarding Melissa's pregnancy, and it seemed like it was something that deeply bothered him even now. Did you follow her father's case at all over the years, do you remember?

No? I didn't, only only because I was dealing with my own emotions about stuff with her and I then at that time I hadn't processed all the way yet. Anyways, The last time I really thought about you, though, mostly was when I was first married and had my first kid. I was talking to my wife about you.

Yeah, I got it, I got it.

I won't forget those those times. It's going to be with me forever. Of course, it was a It was an impact on my life too. Yeah, And like I told you, I cared about you. So you were one that one that got away for.

Me from I The Making of a Serial Killer by Jack Olsen. My fourteen year old son Jason and my fifteen year old daughter Melissa visited me through glass, and it only made things worse. The phone connection was bad and the guards rushed me away before we really started talking. I cried as they led me off. I felt sorry that my kids had to see me this way. I couldn't even tell them I loved them. I had a feeling I wouldn't see them again.

After we left, we spoke a bit about what it was like for Melissa to see Nick again and what she took away from meeting with him.

I could tell you didn't want to talk about that.

You know.

You always tell me hurt people hurt, and I'm starting to see maybe where his hurt came from. Yeah, you know, I want I want the best for everybody. I want people to be I want to think that people could be reformed. I want to think that good things gonna happen to people, and that there is redemption, there are changes, there are like you know, I want to believe in that, and if it's possible, then I hope he gets that.

This ah, this moment from the Salt Lake City Tribune, August twenty first, nineteen ninety five. When Julie smiled, it was like sunshine came out of her mouth. She just loved everybody and everything. Her sister Joni says in an interview trucking was her way of life, and she wanted to die on the road, but not like this, not to be killed by some monster. With all the evidence against me, it looks like I'm truly a black sheep. His March twenty fourth letter reads, I'm sure they will

I can see A spoke by afraid to be.

When I found out I was pregnant and all that was happening, and I decided I was going to have an abortion. I told myself, this is going to be a second chance in life. I'm gonna turn my life around and everything's gonna be very intentional. I'm gonna come

Your dad's in prison at the time.

Yeah. Because I didn't have anybody to talk to, and I didn't want to tell my mom, I wrote him a letter and I said, I vented out like all of my anger about what he did to our family and to the victims families, and how much he's hurt everybody, and that like I'm about my sorrow. I explained how alone I felt to my sorrow. I remember the letter being tear soaked. I sobbed and released everything that happened

Sits alone, someome fight.

I know I'm not capable of murder. I know that I could never cross that line.

And he screams money.

And so I was surprised.

A couple months later, I got a letter from my dad back in response.

And the sound feels oh.

And when I open up a letter, first he he mocks me for feeling sorry for myself. That's the first part of the letter. It's just like I'm having a pity party. And then the second part of the letter, he said, I deserve to be in prison with me.

You're a killer just like me.

Happy Face is a production of How Stuff Works. Executive producers are Melissa Moore, Lauren Bright, Pacheco, Mangesha Ticketer, and Will Pearson. Supervising producer is Noel Brown. Music by Claire Campbell, Paige Campbell and Hope for a Golden Summer. Story editor is Matt Riddle. Audio editing by Chandler Mays and Noel Brown. Assistant editor is Taylor Chiquoyne.