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Hello, handsomes and pretty little ladies. I wanted to let you know that my two-time Emmy-nominated special, Hello Again, is available for pre-order on vinyl and CD, as well as Apple Music, Spotify, and wherever else you get your comedy records. So again... This is pre-order. And then the album actually comes out September 27th. So get it now. Cheers. Welcome to another episode of the handsome podcast to our. 50th episode I'm your one of your hosts Mae Martin I'm joined of course by
Fortune Feimster. And Tick Notaro. That was like a game of chicken. It always is. It always is. 50 episodes. I know. Wow. That's a lot. I thought we weren't going to last past April. You know what happens when something turns 50? What? It's over the hill. That's over the hill, but you have to say the infamous Molly Shannon character, Sally O'Malley. I knew you were going to do that. I'm 50. 50 years old and I like to kick and stretch and kick because I'm 50. I will tell you guys just yesterday.
The Molly Shannon herself just liked my video of Handsome Podcast on my Instagram. You know what that means. We got to ask her for a question. That's right. If anyone... Likes her. Any video. She lives in my neighborhood. Well, go knock on her door. Take your camera. No, it's so, she rides around on her little bike. I've seen her ride around on that bike. Yeah. She's the best. I love her. Iconic characters. What are some of your favorite memories from our podcast, guys?
You're going to make me cry. Looking back on a... We're almost at your anniversary as well. What are we going to do for our anniversary? Oh, boy. Should we do a thruple French kiss? Yes. We should. Well, actually, our live show was like right around our year anniversary. Oh, okay. So we could do something that night. get an officiant to come to the live show and we renew our vows as co-hosts as a pod oh my god that would be so fun i'm actually
Are you an officiant, either of you? I am. So I could host the – I could officiate our whatever ceremony. Ourselves. Yeah, ourselves. Oh, my God. Do you, Tig? Very unfortunate. to love and support, to honor and obey. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna officiate our... Renewing the vows. I don't think we ever did a vow. Yeah, we never did a vow. That was a huge mistake. Huge mistake. We almost didn't make it past April. Huge oversight. And today's a special one. Oh man. Is it ever? I mean, we won't.
We won't. Spoil the beans. Yeah. I know everybody sees the name before they click on it. We know you guys know, but we're going to pretend like you don't know. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a shared sort of delusion. There might be like. People that don't really understand electronics, that don't read things. I don't know. I was in line next to this. elderly couple yesterday. And one of them was saying, you know, sometimes on my phone,
my text messages come through blue. And then sometimes they come through, oh, it was the man. He said, and sometimes they come through green. And she said, yeah. She said, you know... I think that is from how much sunlight is out. Cause I've noticed at night that my text messages are green. So I think, and it was so fun to eavesdrop on this. So good. My parents, they don't have a car anymore. They don't.
But when they go on vacation, they rent a car. So they just went to Antigua and they had rented a car. And they're telling me this story. They're like, well, on the first day, we were told it was a 15-minute drive to the beach. And we got in the car and we got lost. And we drove. For an hour and 45 minutes and the whole time the car was saying stuff to us. It was talking to us. And finally, I looked at your father and I said, James, listen to what the car is saying.
And we realized the car was saying, turn left. It was giving us instructions. And then they started like, and they're like, and wouldn't you know, we found it in 15 minutes. Oh my God. Hilarious. But at first they were just like, shut up to the car. Yeah. Oh my God. I can't. I can't even imagine how lost I'm going to be in a matter of five years. I mean, truly.
with electronics. And I always think about this, this woman that I was at the airport on a layover and she was in a wheelchair and somebody who worked at the airport, she had them. I saw the whole thing go down. She had them. She was pointing to like the coffee bean and tea leaf at the airport. And that happened to be where I was going to get a coffee. And he pulls her up to the counter. Oh my God, it was the cutest, saddest thing I'd ever seen in my life. She goes up to the counter and she's...
She says, yes, one ice cream cone, please. The coffee bean and tea leaf and the person behind the counter was just like. Yeah, we just have coffee. And you could tell she was just still living from like old timey days that you just go up to a counter and order an ice cream. Give her an ice cream. Yes, make one appear. Please, because this is the cutest, saddest thing in the world. And then she got rolled away without an ice cream cone. I feel like I'm in that world right now. I surprised my mom.
And flew home for a little less than two days because she had knee surgery. And I surprised her. I didn't tell her I was coming. I was like, because where is she going? She's, you know, in her house all holed up. And so I surprised her. And then I took her for milkshakes. She's like, are you going to be embarrassed if I take my walker? I'm like, no. And so she's scooting around the milkshake place.
um she was going to get a table and a lady like raced her to the table and took the table and i'm like my mom's in a literal locker oh my god how old was this other person she was older but not like my mom she was maybe about 10 like my age she was like maybe 65 or something i would see red if oh my mom was like i hope you're proud of yourself i was like oh my god she said that to the woman yeah and what'd the woman say i think she was like i didn't realize you were
going to this table. I was like, I told everyone I was headed to that table. I told everyone I announced it to the room that I was headed to that table. Well, you know, it's a fun thing to say if somebody. cut you off or does something like that and they're older than you, it's fun to just say, go on, age before beauty. Oh, that's good. That's good. That is a good one. What did we say we call these?
Big bits, right? Big bits. Yeah. Oh, no, go ahead. Age before beauty. I love that. I love that. Then I drove my mom, my father, and my stepmother. to watch some fireworks, and I parked the car. And I sat there in the car listening to them all talk like I was in the movie Cocoon. Oh, my God. Just watching fireworks. I love that.
didn't get out of the car you just sat in the car because my mom can't really walk right now so i was like i'll just drive us there and we'll roll the windows down and watch and she was she loved it really but my mom is like that of knee situations like we've gone to other countries to visit and she likes to get on the hop on hop off bus
I love those. Haven't I told you that? No. Oh, she likes to hop on, but she doesn't want to hop off. Same. She wants the bus to take her around the whole city. And then she goes, I've seen it all. So she's not actually getting... Beautiful city. She's not... doing any of the attractions or anything. She does not want it. Oh my God. She wants to ride by it. I did it as a joke years ago in Dublin. I was like, I'm going to get on the hop on and hop off like a joke.
with to myself I was completely alone on tour and I was like this is hilarious I'm gonna go on a hop on hop off bus and just have like a weird day yeah and then have some stories to tell And then, uh, I did it and I was like, this is actually awesome because you can, oh my God, you can plug in your headphones and you can listen and learn about the city or you can just unplug it and just like.
have just a quiet day with the, you know, it's the double decker bus and there's no roof on there and you can just. check out the scenery. And I do it now when I travel overseas, that's when I usually do it. And I just did it in Rome when I was there for the Vatican. And that was like a perfect, I had a day off.
And I was like, I'm just going to go right around. And it's a few hours. And so hop on. I mean, do we do we talk about the Vatican? You dropped it in. I mean, I don't even know where to begin. We have not talked about the Vatican. we had um no i don't know if we even said on the pod that you were you went to the vatican with a bunch of comedians and you met
Yeah. Himself. Yes. The Holy Father. Yes. Yeah. Well, we thought it was there were 10 American comedians that went and we thought we were the only ones. And then Stephen. Colbert told me before we went, he was like, I thought we were the only 10. He was like, and that's classic American of me. He was like, but there's a hundred comedians from around the world that have been invited. And he said, there's only 10 Americans. And, uh, and he said, Stephen. merchant had come on his show.
And was like, hey, I heard you're going to the Vatican. And Stephen was like, you're going? Oh, my God. And he was like, that's when I realized that, of course, Americans think we're the only ones. But also, that's... You mean there's 90 other... Well, that was the other hilarious thing. I think there were like 40 Italian comedians. Whoa, really? I know. I had no clue, but it was just... An interesting experience because, I mean, I was raised Catholic.
I certainly am not a practicing Catholic, and I was not raised in a house where anybody was really talking about God. Anyway, there are people in my life that are Catholic and are very Catholic that I'm still very close to. And there was a part of me interested in going just because they're like my, they're my first girlfriend's parents and I'm still very close. Like my family, Stephanie and our kids, we go see them.
In Ohio. Oh my God. That's wild. Yeah, really wild. I don't know if I could convince Jax to do that. Yeah, yeah. I'm very thankful that... Well, Stephanie is a firm believer that if you dated somebody, that means you had a real connection with them. And if you've moved on romantically, then you should, why would you cut off? a connection if you really are friends with them and there's nothing else going on. And so I feel very grateful that she feels that way because.
These people are in their 80s and they're like parents to me. They're just the greatest people and obviously just very religious. And conservative, obviously, in ways, but also open in ways. And I think that they've been a huge part of this. complication and struggle in life of trying to bridge the gap of extreme differences in the world and really seeing how when you do.
Stick your heels in on one side, whatever the argument or whatever your political beliefs or religious beliefs, you you really divide yourself. And and it's not that I was going. to the Vatican because I believe and am open to becoming a Catholic follower. Yeah, that wasn't the expectation, right? No, not at all. like a symposium on humor. Yeah. The, the, the Pope was speaking, he has audiences where he was, he was trying to type five. Nobody speaks about different.
you know, topics. And this was about humor and the importance of comedy and how it changes people's minds and all sorts of things. I wanted to have the experience. I certainly know about the negative side of religion and Catholicism. Did you find that you were starstruck in a way that you weren't expecting to be? No, absolutely not. Oh, my God. Absolutely not. This gal.
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for free if you go to drinkag1.com slash handsome. Check it out. I got a rosary that was blessed by him to give to my ex's parents. because I knew that would mean so much to them. Yeah, that's nice. But my point of bringing them up also is that there's so much that I don't acknowledge.
plenty of people will disagree with me, but there's things I don't acknowledge. There's things that they don't acknowledge within our relationship and love for each other. And I have, I have no regrets around that. I adore these people. Yeah. I'm of that mindset too. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, there's nothing I can say walking into an 83 year old.
house and change their mind about abortion or anything like that. And they're not going to change my mind. And we just meet in a loving place. And anyway, but, but no, I didn't feel starstruck when I met the. the Pope. You know, it was more a fun experience being there with so many comedians that I respect and think are Some of the funniest people alive and having meals together and touring the Vatican. And one of the things the Pope did say was to.
to not shy away from making fun of religion or him or whatever. And in the very end of, of what he said was, you know, and jokingly he said, pray for me, not against me, but, uh, He has been one of the more progressive popes. There's plenty of things that haven't changed and likely won't change. They were making a documentary, right? About you guys going there.
Well, yeah, when it was originally when I thought it was just the 10 of us, I had reached out to Stephen and I was like, hey, this feels. like a documentary you know 10 comedians walking to the vatican and um but we didn't know there were a hundred so um but yeah we did film our trip there and um I don't know how the process is going with editing. I had reached out to Steven the other day and he said that he's still waiting to see any footage, um, because his production company is who.
took on the role of actually, well, I had a friend in Rome who's a producer and she helped organize the crew and work with his company. And so I don't know what's going to come of it, but. I just really had a fun trip with some really funny people. It was Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Conan, Chris Rock, Stephen Colbert. I have a question. Gaffigan. Gaffigan. How many times did somebody... It keeps going. How many times did somebody say, when in Rome? Not once.
And that's why I wasn't invited. It's funny because Whoopi was such a huge live performer back in the day, but it's weird to not see that side of her anymore.
Well, and what was also interesting was Whoopi was raised, I think, partially Catholic, and she's very interested and... drawn to the catholic church this was her second time in the past year to go visit the vatican i'm very i'm interested in from a historical david sedaris was there anyway i'm interested from a historical perspective as well like just the the vatican itself and the art and uh the history of where they acquired all these riches and like this sort of shady but just
The rich history. Also, that great sequence in Mission Impossible, Ghost Protocol. I think it was Ghost Protocol. where Tom infiltrates the Vatican. Oh, classic Tom, huh? Classic Tom. Classic Tom. He's always infiltrating. Anyway, that was, there's obviously... more to say, especially all the different little interesting details that I got in there. But I also want to acknowledge my visit to the Vatican isn't...
An endorsement. Not an endorsement. And I'm very aware of the abuse that's gone on and every aspect of everything. I'm well aware. Obviously, I'm not aware of everything. Right. Well, religion in general is so complicated, especially, I mean, just Catholicism goes back so far. So it's, you know, wars have happened over religion and obviously it's a complicated thing. for our community continues
for our own different reasons. I can't believe this is our 50th episode and we're finally tackling religion. We're taking on Catholicism. It did make me think about the Da Vinci Code. And our questioner today is God. Our questioner today is actually a religious person.
Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. He and his wife are very religious. I mean, I grew up, well, because she's Greek, so... the greek church maybe i wonder if freedom is part of the greek orthodox yeah i grew up going to church every sunday it was such a part of my childhood and when i come home there's a church in every corner my mom's so proud that the
church that we came up in the united methodists they finally um voted to uh accept gay people in the church roles and and whatnot so she's a very pumped about telling people about being a united Methodist so I do for as complicated as it is I'm like you Tig I know I learned so much about the Christianity and the Bible and all these things that I don't go to church now. And I'm like, I have all this knowledge of this world that I'm not a part of much anymore. I did get into.
religion on my own because my parents are such staunch atheists and then in my adulthood i got really into mythology and comparative religion and Joseph Campbell and stuff and thinking more from like a storytelling perspective how have all these cultures across different parts of the world found these sort of archetypal stories that resonate with us still and morality and stuff. So I'm interested in that sense. Like it's this iconographic storehouse that we can use to...
express ourselves on Earth or something. There's some Apex for you. I don't know. I just thought you were going to start talking about unicorns. Why not? I saw unicorns in the Vatican. You did? They have one? An inflatable. How come?
All kids are obsessed with unicorns, it seems like. They never really appealed to me. They're magical. The horse with the horn, you know. I never got into unicorns either. You're not into unicorns. That's actually pretty surprising. Wait, you think I would be? No, I would think May would be. I was like, no. That's weird. Cause, cause May's always talking about fanciful things. Yeah. I don't know why. Like I'm pretty, I get jazzed about.
you know, a minotaur or like a fawn or what's it called? But not a unicorn. Not a unicorn. Wow. What about, did you ever get into those horse costumes that we talked about? We still have to do that. The three of us in a horse costume. Oh, no. I don't know which part is worse. I'll be the butt. I'll be the butt.
I want to be the one that used to stand up. I don't want to bend over the whole time. I don't think my back and neck, you know, I had surgery and so it's real sensitive. I don't know if I could get in that. position I'm not flexible What about like the Trojan horse where we all get inside its belly and somebody wheels us into the comedy venue and then we burst out. I'd be into wheeling. Yeah. Yeah. Wheel me all day long. Or we could have you just be the horse and fortune I could ride.
you i could all right now we're talking i've been i've been uh that's a handsome horse that's oh yeah they do say that Yeah. And handsome comes, the word handsome, I've said this before, it comes from the way you measure horses. How many hands is it? And it's a handsome horse. Okay. We'll have to believe you. Have you said that before? Maybe early on. I think in the early episode, first or second episode, Mae did let us know.
bring these things back like we haven't said pineapple apart in a while oh my god these things just dissolve into the ether like i feel like at some point we said we were going to make a handsome oh laundry pods handsome laundry detergent pods oh yeah it wasn't one of our best although we did get i did see someone uh riding on an airplane they They tagged us and they had the middle seat was empty and they said they were sitting a pineapple apart. Yeah.
I saw that too. I liked that. That's what made me think about some of these things we haven't said in so long. 50 episodes. How do you keep up? Yeah. And does I mean, we, we in the beginning, we were very on top of it with the merch with our with phrases that people liked. I feel like we don't even know what we're saying anymore. So if we have said anything.
that you like pointed out let us know and we'll the captain and the cabin boy want to know i know we've talked about this before but it's so true when people are like oh my gosh you said this thing or oh I just listened to the episode and it was cracking me up. And they think that we have even the slightest clue what they're talking about. Have no idea what we've said any episode or when we recorded that.
I think it's because all of our episodes are streaming of conscious. They are. They are streaming of conscious. So we're not coming in with a list of things. We have no idea what we're saying. Truth be told, if I didn't get the question, I don't know what the question is that's coming. Oh, I have no idea. I don't even look at that. So I'm even answering the question without my panties on.
in my in the early fortune i think in the early days when i was desperate to impress you guys maybe i was doing a little more prep i was like oh yeah i was like i hope they like me and my value comes in fact form and And then now I'm trying to be a little more present, a little more in the moment. You can still bring some of those. We're very impressed, by the way. You don't have to prep for that. But if you want to occasionally have a Mayfact in your pocket.
Yeah, because I'm for sure not going to prep. Okay. I'm going to start prepping hard. That's on your horse shoulders. What if I, so I script everything I'm going to say and it doesn't change. And we just see you checking off a list of like, okay, we talked about. Okay, we talked about alligator teeth. But it is why sometimes we are all over the place is because this...
None of this is planned. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm going to start planning my business. That's how we go from church and religion to alligator teeth. Yeah. You guys being so loose and fun, and then it gets to me, and you're like, maybe. Well, in 1835, there was a... Wait, what was in 1835? Yeah, do you have a fact? Okay, what was going on in 1835? What do you guys think? Was that leading up to the Civil War?
Oh. Oh, gosh. I don't know. Oh, God. Oh, no. I feel like the Civil War was in the 1860s. The Civil War was 1861 through 65. Okay. I did not just Google that. Did you Google it? I absolutely did. Well, then can we call that a TIG fact? Because I just pulled that up. Yeah, that was definitely a TIG. 1835. There was a war. Oh, yeah. Has there ever not been a war? I know. What war happened? It was the second, oh, it was a second Seminole war. When was the first one?
Something in Texas? Texas Revolution happened. Oh, was that the Alamo? No. When Texas was... Trying to get their independence. The first attempt of assassination of the U.S. President Andrew Jackson? Whoa, no way. It failed. Is this... Off the top of your head? No. Fortune facts are called Google.
I'm looking at it, too. Okay, Hans Christian Andersen's Fairy Tales Told for Children. That's published. I'm bored. Yeah. Well, maybe we should get our question then. Yeah, we got a really exciting questioner. Yeah, we do. Today's question asker is an Oscar, Emmy and Tony winning actor, producer, writer and director known for his roles in iconic movies like Big.
Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Saving Private Ryan, Slaveless in Seattle, Captain Phillips, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, and countless more. Tom Hanks is asking today's question. Oh, man, this is cool. I have to say I am such a fan of the Tom Hanks. Yeah. Well, I think we coined the phrase Rom Tom on this podcast. Yes, we did. So it's fitting that. That Tom is appearing for our 50th. I mean, if you're alive, how are you not a fan of Tom Hanks? Exactly. What is your problem?
It's like, you don't like Dolly Parton? Get out of my face. Stop harshing my vibe, man. Yeah, you don't like Tom Hanks? Get off of my cloud. I mean, just you saying those movies, you're like iconic, iconic, iconic. I mean, the biggest movies of our lifetime has been from this man. Yeah. I know. And they all kind of. means something different to everyone like yeah like i you know you watch them at different points in your life and
And different genres. He's all over the place. Did you know that Tom Hanks is actually a distant relative of Abraham Lincoln and Mr. Rogers himself? That is true. That is true? I had no idea. Wow. Yeah. Well, that's fitting because he played Mr. Rogers. And next, Abe Lincoln. I'd like to see it, though. Can I tell you, when I met Tom and Rita, I was at the Stand Up for Cancer, you know, that...
thing that Katie Couric has all the networks airing the benefit and charity all night, same time. I was there performing on that, that particular show. And I was. I was walking into the green room and Tom and Rita, Rita is a cancer survivor. And the two of them were walking into the green room and just. a swarm of people working on the event and their people, whoever swarming in with them. And I just kind of scooted by to get into the green room. And then I hear in Tom Hanks.
his voice. He's like, Rita, there's Tig Notaro. And I was like, I could, I was so confused that of course you don't think Tom Hanks knows who you are. And they're like, Oh, hi. And they had seen my documentary. Oh, no way. Yeah. And so I spent the entire evening with Tom and Rita becoming...
totes BFFs. And they were like, when are you performing at Largo again? And I was like, you know, I perform at Largo. So I gave them a date and Tom was like, okay, I put it in my calendar. We'll see you then. And I was like, all right. Of course didn't think they were going to show up. Sure enough. No. Tom and Rita.
come to the show. They're waiting for me backstage. And I was like, this is hilarious. That's awesome. And so, yeah, I've worked with them since then on cancer charities and, uh, and it's just been. a real delight getting to know both of them damn i love that cool i worked with tom's son colin uh he's he's a gem uh and looks just like his dad looks exactly
And has that same good vibe that Tom has. Wait, we haven't heard his question yet. Oh, yeah. We're too busy kissing his ass. We're in love with him. We are. And his assistant. Guess what? What? Huge. Handsome fan. Nice. Massive handsome fan. Love it. In fact, we've sent her merchandise. Really? Whoa. Should we hear his question? Yeah, let's hear his question.
Hey handsome, it's Tom Hanks. Here's my question. What was the first big-time road trip that you or your listeners made by themselves and i'm talking about a big time road trip that means at least two days on the road and at least one night on the road spent however it was It's best if it's what you did by yourself, but it can be with one or two other people. But it's got to be an epic road trip. Toons, food, miles, car, inclement weather maybe.
He's biased typewriters. I've heard he is a lover of typewriters and writes people notes via typewriters. That checks out for me. That feels like a match. Yeah. Tom typing away. Tom. Man, when you see him, it's like seeing an old friend. I know. When you met him, were you instantly very comfortable because you feel like you know him? Of course. And I couldn't believe, and that's what documentaries do, but I couldn't believe how much he knew about me.
I was like, wait, I don't know a lot about a lot of people, but I'm very familiar with Tom and he has that vibe. Yeah. Where you just. Yeah, you feel like you've known him forever. Did you say you doing that thing you do? You know what I'm talking about? You know I did. And that works perfectly. I do not know this. movie um that thing that thing you do
Yeah, I felt very instantly familiar and connected to him. The road trip, we've talked once about a group road trip where I think it was decided I was going to be put on the rack on the roof of the car. Those were early days too. Those were early days. Now you can be in the car, Mae. You've worked your way up. Thank you. And wait, was he asking our very first road trip or an early road trip?
Maybe most most memorable road trip that you did sort of on by yourself or with one or two others. I went on a road trip with these friends of mine years ago in Colorado. uh this guy mike and his best friend micah and no yeah Yeah. Mike and Micah. I don't know why that blew my mind so much, but they were total mountain men and they were rock climbers. They were just. you know, outdoorsy as outdoorsy gets. And we took a road trip out to the Canyonlands in Utah.
And, and, uh, here we go back to the Indigo Girls. Um, they have a line in one of their songs. Uh, I slept in rainy Canyon lands and there I was huge Indigo Girls fan. And I think that's around when that song came out. I think it's from their Nomads, Indian Saints album. But I was in the Canyonlands with Mike and Micah. camping and it was pouring rain I was freezing and I remember Mike telling me because I wanted to put more socks on and they were like you got to take your socks off
Because that's actually how you warm up more is to not have socks on. Really? I know. I don't remember if I took them off or not, but I think I was like... totally the whiny dead weight on the, I mean, I was having a blast. It was so much fun. And I remember awful to me. Yeah. Same, same, but we went bouldering. Oh, even worse. It was incredible. You know how to boulder? You were like...
Not just climbing stuff. It was like when you're in between and you're wedging your body up between the boulders. And I remember sliding down one of the boulders. And it, I was in blue jeans and it completely ripped your new asshole. Completely wore through my jeans on the backside. But it was such like a out there camping in the rain and bouldering and just, you know, eating. Whatever.
trail mix and bugs and you know all that stuff i hate outdoorsy stuff well i'm glad you didn't come with us i would have been the dead weight like we gotta do this again yeah you guys both drive and and i guess going on the road and stuff by yourself you you're like very used to time in a car by yourself you do fortune are you good safe driver all state wants to know
I'm a great driver. Thank you, Allstate. Yeah, I love driving. Love it. I told y'all in here, I started driving my grandma's car in the cemetery when I was 12. Running over tombstones. I was trying to get behind a car as soon as possible. I'm almost worried about what would happen when what will happen when I get my license if I'll just get on the road and love it too much. I'll never come back. I can't believe it's been a year now that you started talking about getting your license.
Before I could afford to fly everywhere. I was like, God, I can't wait to not drive everywhere. Can't wait to fly everywhere. And then once I was able to fly everywhere, I was like, I hate to be. You know, well, and just controlled by the schedule of the flight. And I love getting up whenever I want at the hotel.
going out and having breakfast and coffee. I love taking a walk around whatever town I'm in. I just, now I hate that I have to be like, oh my gosh, my flight's at 10 or my flight's at two or whatever it is. Yeah. When I'm touring, I rent a car every time. Same. And I usually try to drive between cities. Me too. If it's within like six hours, I'll drive. Yeah, I'll save five or so for me. Yeah, I prefer it.
Have you done like a like a real road? It's a very like American thing. I feel like a real road trip forging that like a. Well, my most memorable one, my mom and I drove cross country to move me to L.A. This was when you guys hashed out a lot of stuff. Yeah, I had touched on one of the things that happened on that trip. But yeah, we drove across country. I had a $250 credit card. I don't know if I mentioned this part.
It's all I could get approved for at the time. And it was what was going to get me to LA. My mom was a teacher, so she had no money. And so this $250 credit card was what was going to be our... our thing to get us in the hotels and the paper, the food and stuff. And.
uh did i tell you that the american idol was happening at the time and uh she was obsessed with clay and um i had been living in spain so i didn't know who who is this what is happening and it was like the finals were that week so she put a sign in the car that said honk if you love clay what and i was like oh my god what is happening
Oh, right. People are honking. And I'm like, I haven't even watched the show. I don't know who this guy is. I thought for sure you were going to say that she just played his music the whole trip. Oh, I'm sure that happened too.
and so we were like going across country like on a shoestring budget we um we get to vegas and i had never been to vegas before and we um we had like fifth maybe like a hundred dollars cash and that whatever was left on this credit card and they opened the slots for they're like oh for two minutes we're gonna loosen the slots and come you know everyone come gather around and play the slots and you can win all this money and my mom was like we have to
do it we have to do this i'm like well we only have a hundred dollars left we still have to make it to la she's like we'll just spend 50 of it so we put 50 in the slots like and lose it within like oh my lord like 30 seconds And I go, you know, this might as well have been $1,000. And the guy comes right behind me and hits like, you know, $300. And I'm like, no! And so we have like...
we have to spread the rest of this money out. So we have, we're like, how are we going to entertain ourselves tonight? We had luckily already booked a room and paid for that. So my mom and I decided that we are going to go to one of those, um, um, what do you call it? Presentations for a timeshare. What? Yes, because they give free meals. They give you free meal and they give you tickets to see a show. And we're like, we have no money left to do fun things.
go to this timeshare presentation and they do the whole spiel or whatever. And then they, that's, and then they do the full court press at the end of like, all right, are you ready to buy a place? And my mom thought it would be hilarious. Now I'm. broke we're moving i'm moving to la and she goes i don't have the money to buy anything but my daughter here does and i'm looking at her like what and so
They come to me like a moth to a flame. Like, oh, you want to buy something? I'm like, oh, I mean, my checkbook's at the hotel. And they go, oh, well.
provide a full limo to your hotel to get your checkbook i'm like yeah i don't really know and my mom's like you've been looking for something haven't you and i'm like shit oh my god she just keeps making it worse and worse wait you didn't take this the limo ride we did no well because so then i'm like because then you could be like i can't find my checkbook and so this goes on for like 30 minutes where she keeps acting
Like, I would buy this, but I'm not sure that this is what I want for my portfolio. Wait, what were you dressed like when she was saying? I mean, like, t-shirt, jean shorts. And there are all these people surrounding us. And then I think they... finally i i you know not having boundaries and knowing what to do i'm like oh maybe we'll see i don't know they look i think they finally looked up my name and saw i had
no credit oh my god and then i go okay and then they like all of a sudden i like someone whispers in the ear and they just all like all right thank you get out of here. Do we still get the buffet and the tickets to the show? And they're like, yeah. So we go get to the, we go to a buffet and like a show and. I just was horrified this whole experience. But you still have the condo, I guess. I'll never forget that road trip just for that experience alone. Oh, my God.
She's an eccentric. She's naughty. I don't think I've done, this is so shocking, but like, I don't think I've done a proper. road put it on the list thomas not even as a passenger we know you haven't driven i mean yeah it's the driving part that is like i like i traveled around nepal by myself and that was like the most formative experience, but I don't think I've done like a road when, well, when I was, uh,
four or three my parents they put all our stuff in storage and we went across europe me my brother and i in the backseat and we drove for like six months we drove around because we had no money and my dad was right he had a job reviewing like four hotels. So we knew we had like four free hotels in Europe.
And the big story from that trip was that I became obsessed with this man that we met in Tunisia, who was our tour guide. And his name was Fethi. We have all these pictures like I could not I wouldn't let go of this man. I was like holding this. I was three or four.
I'm holding his hand. I'm gripping onto Fatih. And I don't know what, maybe I knew him in another life or something, but I met him and apparently it was like hearts just came out of my eyes. I was like, I love Fatih. I wonder if he's listening. I hope so. Oh, man. How much would you give to be connected with the tea again? Oh, I would give $50,000. Whoa. I don't know. I'd be so disappointed. Wildly transphobic. Who are you? And do you give him the 50 grand or just.
I think I give it to the Lord or something or to you guys. But I really, to the Catholic church. Yeah. I did. I went on one. The most awkward road trip probably was I. I got engaged and then my very good friend Sabrina got engaged the following day in the same place. Like we were all the four of us on a couple's vacation. So we're both.
engaged competition huh yeah oh she cop let's say so like a year later uh she and her wife are getting married and me and my fiance have broken up but we're both still very close to them Wait, not on the same trip. No, we didn't break up on the same trip. No, no, no. Like a year later. That would be quite a trip. Oh my God. No, it's Sabrina's wedding and me and my now ex-fiance are kind of in the process of breaking up, but we're still going.
to their wedding and it was like like we're in we drove together in the car we knew we were breaking up we knew we got engaged and celebrated the engagement with this couple and then i had to host the wedding oh wow oh host the wedding Yeah, I was like the MC kind of. Oh, I see. You know what I mean? Yeah. You had to pay for everything. Oh, my God. Yes, this is on me. May is the father. Yeah. No, it was like, and so I had to make these beautiful speeches about romance.
and commitment and marriage. It was so heartbreaking with me and my ex. But I always remember because we were on the highway and stuck in traffic and she's... driving also always annoying that I can't drive like you know what I mean and then I really had to pee and uh we were mid argument and she's like I'm not pulling over and I was like
well you have to because I really have to pee and she kind of was laughing and she was like I'm not going to I'm really fit and I was like haha and she was like no I just don't I don't think I'm gonna pull over and I was like no I'm really I'm gonna I mean, I was laughing too, but I ended up, I peed in a, in a cup, like a.
big plastic cup. Okay, so you guys were having fun in this moment? I guess I'm like, please walk me through this. I feel like I've, as I've, you know, shared recently, I feel like I don't understand certain senses of
humor. It was a fine line because we were having a tense... moment but yeah i was also it was like a kind of game of chicken i was like are you serious right now you're not and she was like yeah i guess i think i'm serious i'm not gonna pull over it was now we laugh but we're friends now still okay yeah i had to
Hold this cup of pee for a while. And how long did the joke go on? Well, I mean, to the point that I had to pee in a plastic cup. Yeah, piss my pants. Yeah, you know what? I would not be able to get that in the cup. I went to the back seat. I would have pissed all over myself. And why couldn't you? It just doesn't work out like that for me. The stream is not streaming. You've got a fire hose. Yeah.
Oh, man. I know. I sort of thought this was a funny story. And then as the reactions now have made me feel like, was that bad? I mean. I think it was pretty funny. I wouldn't have found it funny, I don't think, at the time. I think if I had been, like, upset, she would have pulled over, but I was kind of laughing. I mean, I deserved it. I mean, if you were laughing, then you were definitely giving the indication that this is...
I thought you guys were having a hard time together. And then she's like, I'm not going to pull over. And then you're okay. Then I don't understand. This is where, again, I don't understand. I think we cross over. we don't understand because may's not sure i'm not sure yeah i'm not sure the memory is now like yeah i mean also we were late we were in traffic but i and i did kind of you know i deserved it really but it was
As I'm telling it, I'm like, what happened there? But I think it was funny. There's probably going to be a number of stories in your life where you're like, wait, now that I think about it. There's so many. Yes. This is not how I remembered it at the time. Oh, my story about when I hooked up with the masseuse. I tell some people, they're like, that's hot. Some people are like, I'm so sorry. I'm like, I don't know how to feel.
Well, let's hear O. Hanks' answer. And my answer to that question is 1978. Yeah. Sacramento, California to Lakewood, Ohio took four days all by myself in my Volkswagen Beetle that was packed with all of my worldly possessions and a couple of... Tapes that I had, of course, mixtapes that I had done myself. I think I can still remember the pattern of the songs in it. The first night I spent sleeping in a gas station of a Husky self-serve.
in Elko, Nevada. That's where I spent a few hours tossing a turn. And then I made it, made it in three more nights. 1979, that was my first solo road trip. wait 78 or 79 i know i love well he said 78 right yeah maybe it was over new year's eve let's imagine yeah i wonder why he was going to ohio I feel like he's filming Sleepless in Ohio. Is he from those parts? He's from Sacramento, I thought. Oh, really? I thought he was from Northern California, but...
I genuinely normally people are the trip like that. They're going to like, I'm going to New York or LA to pursue my dreams. Yeah. But he was going to Ohio. Interesting. Thomas, where is he from? It says he was born in California. Oh. I truly, I said just a minute ago. Maybe he was going to film Sleepless in Ohio, and I wasn't joking. I got the name wrong. I truly thought for Sleepless in Ohio. It all comes full circle because my ex's parents.
Live in Ohio. Live in Ohio. And love Tom Hanks. Love Tom Hanks. They are Tom Hanks crazed. This says he's from Concord, California. Concord. Very famous. Maybe he was going to college. It says he participated in a theater festival in Ohio for three years. What part of Ohio? Cleveland. I love that we're fact-checking this story rigorously. Tom, we need to know what you were going to Ohio for. I'd love to know what songs he was listening to, you know?
Yeah. I'd like to know if it was in 78 or 79. We could do a follow-up. I can reach out. Yeah. Yeah. Get to the bottom of this. Let's get to the bottom of this. Yeah. He's from around the San Francisco area-ish. That checks out. And the Bay Area, as people like to call it. Is that what they say? Bay Area. That sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold would be like, the Bay Area.
Yeah, not too far off. Well, you guys know I am known for my accents. I just got like vicariously starstruck just because I remember the fact that you're frequently seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger in your day. I see him every day. You're filming with him every day. What are you doing? That was good, Mae. Thank you. I feel like that was like...
my impersonation of a comedian doing an impersonation. His normal voice isn't that crazy, right? Wait, where is Arnold's question? His normal voice is very thick. Oh, he's going to do one. I just need to film him doing it. Okay. All right. But that doesn't... I mean, I still have two months left. But also, I think we're going to be joining Arnold unless things change.
at Oktoberfest in Germany. No. Nice. Was that because you're filming in Prague? We're filming in Prague, and so we're all going to stay a few, like a week longer. to join him. He's Austrian, right? Yeah. Okay. He's Austrian. But he goes Oktoberfest every year. He has a room that they keep just for him. Oh, my God. Every year for Oktoberfest.
I'm going to go with Tom Hanks to the Ohio Fringe Theater Festival. That's right. I'm going to go bouldering by myself. I'm pumped to go, but I don't drink beer and I don't like sausages. Yeah, actually me too. No, I know. So I got to find other things to, I will eat some Wienerschnitzel. Yeah. But I am not into the, that's mainly what people do is drink beer and eat.
Eat the sausages. Where is it taking place again? Munich. Oh, in Munich. Oh, there'll be tons of stuff to do. I am going to buy a lederhosen. Oh, my God. I didn't know until this moment how badly I need to see you in Lederhosen. I'm going to wear the boy one, though, not the girl one. Of course. Of course. What if I showed up in that police skirt? I'm just...
Pretty little lady. I mean, you love the sound of music, so I'm just picturing you dressed up. I know. I could sing all of those songs in a liter hose. Oh, my God. Well, we've got time. yeah well it'll be a real treat but yeah i'll have him i'll have him ask a question amazing yeah well We're like, well, this has been fun.
We do need to mention our live show in Toronto, which is sold out. We have two shows that are sold out. One, we have a streaming, a live streaming option for people that can't make it to the show. That's August 24th. If you go to social media, go to our social media page, you can buy your ticket and you can watch it for up to a week.
And it's going to be a real handsome reunion. Okay. And we might renew our vows as handsome hosts. Not even renew for the very first time. We will, I will officiate. our union as co-hosts of the handsome pod right there should we all surprise each other with something prepared is that more not to give you homework or anything but i don't know i'm gonna i love homework do you love it famously excelled in school but borrowed tom hanks's typewriter
Yeah, and write vowels out. Clickety-clack, clickety-clack. Yeah, we should each write vowels. That's a good idea. Okay, I'm up for that. Yeah, that's kind of the only thing I've got to... promote is our i'm i'm pinning all my all my hopes on that one show i have one last show left of my entire tour
Comes to an end this Saturday after a year and a half of touring this tour. The Live Laugh Love Tour. If you live in Charlestown, West Virginia. Which I do. Come to the Hollywood Casino this Saturday night. And you'll see my last show. And then I'm putting this act to bed. And you'll see my special sometime in the fall. Nice. Well, I will have shows around the Toronto area from time to time. I have one at Comedy Bar. I know it well. I know it well.
Yeah. And then when I'm in LA, I'll be doing shows at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. Check tignotaro.com for all show information. I also have some random one-off shows in different cities, but... I'm mainly going to be filming and working on new material and hosting this podcast with my co-hosts. But also check out my special Hello Again. And then also check out the movie Stephanie and I directed called M.I.O.K. starring Dakota Johnson. And you will see me in a wig. And until next time.
Keep it handsome. Happy 50 episodes. Thanks, Tom Hanks. Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media. social media at handsome pod. Home insurance can feel really complicated, but here's the simple part.
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Not available in every state. Based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary. Hey, everyone. I'm Dan Licata. And I'm Nick Nanny. And we are the hosts of Chicken Podmajon now on HeadGum. It's the very first podcast for and about.
Italian-Americans. That's right. But if you're not Italian-American, you can listen to, I guess. I suppose we can let you in, cut you a deal. We're talking about all sorts of crazy topics on this. Who's a better cook, nana or mama? Who you got in that fight, Nana or Mama? I mean, I can't say bad about Nana or else she smacked me across the head. We got some great guests on the show. We got Wayne Diamond. We got Edie Modica. We got Mike Hanford. And our wife, Severin.
so subscribe to chicken parmesan on spotify apple podcast pocketcast or wherever you get your podcasts new episodes drop every thursday