Traditional bedsheets can harbor more bacteria than a toilet seat. It can lead to acne, allergies, and stuffy noses, and it's just gross. MiracleMade offers a whole line of self-cleaning antibacterial bedding, such as sheets, pillowcases, and comforters that prevent up to 99.7% of bacteria growth and require up to three times less laundry. Go to... Trymiracle.com slash handsome to try miracle made sheets today. And whether you're buying them for yourself or as a gift for a loved one.
If you order today, you can save over 40%. And if you use our promo code, handsome, at checkout, you'll get three free towels. And save an extra 20%. Miracle is so confident in their product. It's backed with a 30-day money-back guarantee. So if you aren't 100% satisfied, you'll get a full refund.
Upgrade your sleep with Miracle Made. Go to trymiracle.com slash handsome and use the code handsome to claim your free three-piece towel set and save over 40% off. Again, that's trymiracle.com slash handsome to treat yourself. Thank you, Miracle Made, for sponsoring this episode. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check the internet for videos about mountain goats before heading out the door for the day.
Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary. Terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Welcome to the Handsome Pot. I am your handsome host, Fortune Feimster. I'm crumbling. You'd win any Game of Chicken take. I'm Mae Martin. I'm also a handsome host. And I am your...
other handsome host, Tig Notaro. Coming to you from the handsome pod. Handsome. Woo! What a handsome time we're having. Mm hmm. Out of the gate. Already the best day of my life. Oh, Biggie. Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube. Everyone go to YouTube. Biggie's naked. Should we get merch that says go to YouTube? Biggie's also handsome. Oh my God. Biggie's so stupidly cute. How are you guys doing?
Doing well? I'm doing well. I'm feeling like my forehead looks shiny, so that'll be on my mind throughout the app. We can check in with where I'm at with that. Checking in that forehead. You'll see me kind of dabbing it. I don't notice it as shiny, but I do remember that when you were younger, you used to wash your face with pink chalky soap. Yes. Thank you for remembering. I remember as well. I used to wash it eight, nine times a day.
And I think it was partly because my mom said that I'm a greasy girl. Do you have face routines now? Oh, girl. Oh, girl. Let me tell you, Tig. I wash my face with face wash. And then I put a face cream on. You know what I want to I want to get brave enough to do. I've seen people on flights who put on like a full sheet mask for the whole flight and you look psycho. But I really want to try it because your skin gets so dry on flights.
And so they're wearing like those. I wear them. No way. I have taken my J-Lo beauty mask on an airplane. And worn it? And worn it. Yeah. I got no shame. Wait a minute. I am so out of this loop. Tell me about that. You know the whole big face mask? you know you open it up it's wet it's got like serums on it and you put it on and it's got holes for your eyes and you've never worn one
No. Okay, put it on the list. You need to get into your J-Lo beauty box. We need to have a spa night, the three of us. Oh, I've gotten into my J-Lo beauty box, you know. That's how come I look so darn good at 53, but I have not. opened or used anything like that nor have i seen anyone flying around up in the clouds with anything on their face i only do those on longer flights like um when i'm maybe going to europe or something
Yeah. I do notice when I'm on tour and I'm on planes a lot, my face gets really broken out. Yeah, me too. Like actual acne. You get acne? Yeah. I do. I'm 37 years old. And I get very dry too. Me too. I get dry hair acting. When is this going to stop? Sorry. I am not experiencing. I am so dry right now. Fortune. Fortune Marie! I don't know that people brag about me. I've never been trying. Fortune Marie. Is it just from a face? Anyway.
So yeah, I wear those facial masks. You can also get them in a drugstore one if you just want one on the go. I'm embarrassed because flights is one of the... few places that i get recognized because i played a flight attendant in that show the flight attendant and it feels like a lot of flight attendants watch that show yeah and so i do get people
being saying hello. And so if I was in a creepy face mask, like Hannibal Lecter, I'd be embarrassed. And so if you're on a flight, you have the mask on, let's say you now have to use the restroom. You just get up, walk around, mask on your face. No, because you only wear the facial mask for like, I don't know what, 20 minutes. Oh, I thought it was for the whole flight. No, no, no, no, no. I don't know, girl.
Maybe 30 minutes max, but no, it's not an all flight thing. Oh, okay. Okay. That's fine. Your face is absorbing all the serums and the moisture and all the stuff. And then, yeah. Well, that's great and everything, but my understanding is it's most important to hydrate from the inside. You know what, Tate? From your cooter. I'm so glad. Fortune Marie. Oh, you meant drinking water. My bad, my bad, my bad. What were you going to say, Mae? What do you think, Fortune? Like douching?
to hydrate from within. Don't ask follow-up questions. What were you going to say about hydrating from the inside out? Oh, I was just so glad that someone said it. And thanks for saying it because it's a big problem. I think everyone's dehydrated. I think a lot of our mood things, I think we all got to drink more water. We do.
Got to. Got to. I always see people with those jugs where it's like, good morning, good afternoon. You should be here and you should have this much water. And then I feel like everybody that has those, they just drink the water. in the normal way they would drink the water and it just feels like hard work when your your jug is yelling at you to drink from it i don't know i end up having to tinkle a lot oh
I do. I love water, though. I do drink water a lot. That is one thing I'm very good about. But as a grown adult, you do say tinkle? I guess I do. What would you say, Teg? I use the restroom. Use the restroom. Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. I'd say piss. Of course. Of course you would. Of course you would. I gotta take a piss. I gotta take a leak. Yeah, bro. I gotta drain the snake.
What does Biggie say? He says I have to go TT. Can we hear him on the mic? Can you turn his little beak around? Hi. Is he licking you? He just licked my mouth, yes. And do you have any issues with that? I mean, he might have eaten some dookie earlier. Oh, God. It's not great. Okay, Jax is a germaphobe. How does she deal with dookie licks? I mean, she's obsessed with him. He's her world, but I don't think she wants dookie licks. Right. You know what I mean?
So she moves her head. Yeah, to avoid dookie licks. No dookie licks. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So what else is going on, guys? I was fortunate you did your radio show. Yeah, I do radio Monday through Thursday for two hours a day. It's a lot of talking. A lot of talking. A lot of talking. Sometimes it'll happen in the middle of a stand-up set. I'll think, shut up, to myself. I'll think, I am bored of my own. Shut up. What am I talking about? Cork it. Cork it.
yeah but then you bust out with some amazing facts and we all learned something so it all works out yeah do you have any fact for us that you can kind of blow our oh there we are what is it uh
You know, possums. Yeah, of course. Of course I do. Yeah. So when they're under a UV light, they glow pink and even biologists don't know why. Oh, I don't. As far as I know, there's no. no one knows why or and what benefit this would have for them but they're they glow okay the other great thing about possums i'm sure i've said this before is they when they're startled they play dead and the and they
kind of go all rigid and they lie on their backs or fall out of a branch. And the best part about it is it's involuntary. So they could just hear a loud noise and they're like, oh, shit, because then they're frozen for upwards of like hours. Really? Yes. Can you imagine? And they have no control? No. So imagine if that happened to humans, if you were startled and you were just like, and then you had to stay like that, frozen in your own body. I guess if it's no getting around it.
you would have to really focus on not being startled. Yes. You know, if you're a possum, is it possum or opossum? I've never known. I say possum. Technically opossum. But possum is the abbreviated version. Right. I mean, why were we like, we can't do this O. Too much. But we can do rhinoceros. Would you guys like a fact from me? Yes, please. Is it going to be about Dookie or Cooter? No. Do you know where Panda Express was started?
America? Asia. Yeah, in America. It was in Asia? It wasn't in Asia, no. Really? That was so surprising. I knew it was going to blow your mind. Started here in Glendale, California. That is shocking. That is absolutely shocking. Do you know what they invented? Diarrhea? How dare you? I love Panda Express. Sweet and sour diarrhea. Sweet and sour diarrhea. Yeah, worth it. I love it. You know what they invented? What? Orange chicken. No way.
Yeah, bud. Really? They did. Whoa. And the original owners had a, or still have, I think. Everyone gather around fortunes. This is my fireside chat. Original sit-down restaurant was in Pasadena. Panda Inn. Panda Inn. Could you spend the night? No, just go for a cozy meal and get on out. I like that. Also I'm not sponsored by Panda Express. I'm just telling you a fact.
What if I had a shirt on that said Panda Express? I would not be surprised. I wouldn't be surprised if you had a shirt on that said orange chicken. I do really love orange chicken. Orange chicken number one. Causes number three. No. Number three is diarrhea. It has to be. I don't want that on my shirt. And I promise I am also not sponsored by diarrhea.
Of the three of us, who do you think is most easily startled? Like if we were in a haunted house and things were jumping out, who would be the, if we had the possum problem? I think May would. No, I would. I'd be the most startled. Okay. Okay. That's what I thought. But then I realized like, I don't like scary stuff. Yeah. I like.
depressing things. Yeah, I don't like I don't like to be scared. I don't like to be startled. So you want a different kind of haunted house where it's like around every corner. It's like climate change is happening oh no are you just depressed by the end of it yeah fortune has diarrhea again oh no so maybe do you think fortune you're the least like
jittery of the three of us i mean i'm not like actively going to haunted houses but i think once i'm there i kind of toughen up like i got this yeah yeah Hey, bud, step back. Get away from my wife and Biggie. You know what I do? I giggle. That's my defense mechanism.
in haunted houses do you know what i do i i yell at everyone i'm like this is terrible why are we here let's leave stop yeah stop it someone unlocked a new fear for me with haunted houses that i didn't ever think about before they said what if an unhinged person oh i had already thought that's what i want to be there yeah is in the haunted house and they just start
Yeah, don't give more people ideas. I've never thought of that. Are you kidding me? An unhinged person just hides in there. Yeah, that's really scary. Anyway, we don't have to. go into it I'm gonna have to hold this episode for next Halloween Yeah. Oh, no. I have thought about, I think about that kind of thing all the time. And I'm like, why are people going into there? Yeah. You know, I don't understand the appeal of being scared.
I do. And I think it's because I don't do drugs anymore. Like, I think it's, it's just like that dopamine rush. Real physical high, I think. But like the escape rooms. I'm going to do an escape room tonight, actually. You need to feel alive. Do you go alone ever? That would be truly. scary and unhinged i kind of want to know that you said that but no i uh i'm going with with actually lisa gilroy who we talked about on a recent episode tell her hello just i will no and our two pals and um
I keep bringing Lisa to really scary experiences. And every time she's like, is this going to be scary? And I'm like, I don't think so. And then five minutes later, she's being chased down. And how does she deal with her fear? She cried one time. Did she really? Yeah, no, we have. That's fun. That's all fun. This one's not that scary. It's just spooky. Like, I think you're trying to solve a mystery of a murder.
in a spooky house but there's no actors jumping out yeah okay yeah i've only done one escape room ever did i ever tell you about it no no also we gotta go i don't want to name drop but um I went with Lance Bass. And I wish that they had known he was coming so that somehow us escaping. When we are leaving, the song Bye Bye Bye started playing. That would have been pretty fun. Yeah. Or they play Die, Die, Die. Oh, my God. If we don't escape.
Oh my God. And did you get out? And was it a scary one? No, she's still there. You're still there now. Yeah. The holidays are all about connecting with loved ones, and there's no better way to do that than with a digital picture frame from Aura. Wirecutter called it the best digital photo frame, and it's easy to see why. You can upload your favorite pics of the family to one frame and relive all those...
happy moments again, or share big news, like a new addition to the family or something. Yeah, I am. I got one of the aura frames for my kids, godparents, and they love it because they have moved to Washington state. And this is the perfect way for them to get all of the updates of Max and Finn's live. Save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura's best-selling Carver Matte Frames by using promo code HANSOME at checkout.
That's A-U-R-A frames dot com promo code handsome. This deal is exclusive to listeners. So get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Don't gift something that will end up in the back of the closet or lost under the couch. Turtle Beach has been the number one choice for gaming headsets for years, so give them a gift they will actually love this year.
Whether you're treating yourself or looking for the perfect gift, now's the time to snag the headset that everyone's talking about. Our listeners get 10% off their entire order when you use code handsome at turtlebeach.com. That's 10% off your order at turtlebeach.com with promo code handsome. Turtle Beach was kind enough to send me their stealth 700 headset.
The audio, it's crystal clear. It's incredibly comfortable. And it's not just gaming you can use them for. You can watch YouTube without disturbing anyone. You can get on conference calls. And the battery lasts forever, which I love. Get the ultimate immersive gaming experience with Turtle Beach today. For a limited time only, head to turtlebeach.com and use code handsome.
for 10% off your entire order. That's 10% off your order at turtlebeach.com with promo code handsome. Don't delay, get the perfect gift now. Happy holidays from Turtle Beach. He was really good at it. him and his husband they were very good at it yeah we got out no thanks to me you'd be great value though you'd be making people laugh you'd be yeah like guys I'd be the pumping up people like gotta get out of here
Let's think about this clue. Does anyone have any good guesses? What would my Nana do? Yeah. You'd be like pulling from Nana. Nana guide me. Nana guide me. Is that a song?
irritable and like competitive not irritable but i i really take it seriously and i think if fortune if you were just behind me going guys we gotta get out you would hate me guys we gotta find a clue i'd be like fortune and imagine if i then to pour salt in the wound started singing Atlantis oh my god and then I said wait what are the words again oh my god
And I'm trailing behind going, wait, I'm sorry. What is this thing? What do we do? Oh, speaking of Halloween, I know it's been a minute, but someone made a shirt. of um me on stage with Alanis and it said the moment that almost broke up the handsome pod are you serious it was I reposted it
And I laughed so hard. I thought that was so hilarious. They made a shirt. They made a whole shirt of it. Oh my gosh. You know, there's this trend of like gay Halloween. It's people doing costumes that are really niche.
pop culture moments like it'll be like and then the meme is like i hate gay halloween what do you mean you're the moment that charlie xcx read and right magazine in an airport like you know what i mean yeah and uh that's a very niche pop culture moment i i don't know what that is i actually don't really know either you know the brat song no No, it's a very popular TikTok dance. Charlie, how do you say Charlie's? I don't think it's her formal last name.
Okay, but this is a song that Charlie XRX sings? She's a very popular singer. She had a brat summer. Yeah, yeah. I've heard Brat Summer. That came from her. And I don't know what Brat Summer is. Just cool? I think so. Guys, we seem old. Guys, what's wrong with us?
i did it's one of those things where it's like i read it i see it i hear it but i never asked anybody like what it means what what is brat summer i just assume you're doing whatever the f you want on yeah yeah i think that's it i want to watch the martha stewart documentary that looks really good oh i started it and i haven't finished it even though it's been out for a minute there was a point in it that made me laugh because um she's very straight faced
talking about how her husband cheated on her. And then the documentary guy said, well, didn't you cheat on him first because you kissed that guy? a museum. And she goes, that didn't count. Is she still with her husband? No, that didn't count. I think she had an affair as well. They both had affairs and I think she's.
They were having brat summers. They were having brat summers. I hate red in my garden. If anything red blooms, I cut it. Is that what she says? Okay, now I'm going to have a crush on Martha Stewart. Why? It's that like iconic, almost drag queen energy of like saying spicy stuff, having strong opinions. They got divorced in 1990. I thought you said having horse drawn opinions. Is that my Canadian accent? I don't know what it's. I think it's just my hearing going. Right. Yeah. Horse drawn.
brats summer horse-drawn opinions who who's there oh my god i didn't know martha stewart before she became the known for what she's known for she was uh A stockbroker. Oh, really? New York City. That's a cool career change. There's a comedian in the UK called Sindhu V. Who's so funny. And she was in her forties and she was in a, I think. an accountant, like a sort of high powered businesswoman. And all her friends were like, you're really funny. And
She had never seen stand-up. She didn't know what the medium was really. And she was at like an open mic night and went up and just assumed everybody was improvising their stand-up. And she just did a set. Now she's like one of the biggest standups in the UK and she's so funny. Oh, wow. That's cool. That's amazing. Yeah. I saw somebody go up on stage. Back in the first year I was doing comedy and she assumed that everybody was just making things up on the spot. And I have never.
In my life, seen a bomb like that night. I mean... It was it was so sometimes when people bomb really hard, it can be really amusing. Yeah. Everyone's having kind of a good laugh about it. This was a. oh my god can we go uh to swingers and have you know you talk me through the like it was like yeah yeah what was she what was she talking about she was just like rambling
Uh, she, I remember it was really, really vulgar. Yeah. Like really vulgar, just going for it and just saying stuff. And I found where people. aren't comfortable they start to cuss and be dirty on stage is that like you at the top of this episode were you feeling uncomfortable i wasn't dirty was i Yes, you were. Yes, little lady. Are you guys serious? No. Little lady? Not me. I'm a pretty little lady.
Well, should we get into our, you were Fortune and we don't want to talk about it. I'd like to move on. I'd like to forget it ever happened. I just do innuendos anyway. Let's hear one. That's what I did earlier. I know, but let's hear one. And also, y'all missed one of mine where you said everyone's... Carrying around jugs. I went, yeah. Oh, I didn't miss it. I was ignoring you. Oh, God. That was a good one. I was completely ignoring you. I liked it.
You're calling that an innuendo? Yeah. Yeah, jugs. But to be honest, I said that there could be two jugs, and I was kind of teeing somebody up, and I knew who would take the bait. Oh, my God. I didn't, because I've matured. This all happened right under my nose? Yeah, right under your shrimp nose. Wait, that's the bait that I did take? Yeah, that's the bait you did take. Oh, I took that bait. Yeah. Never mind.
None of us are listening. No. Let's hear from our questioner today, shall we? The questioners are two of the most tame, kind. Iconic children's entertainers. So I apologize for any innuendo that I had earlier. I'm going to now be the mature version of myself. Despicable. Because today's questioners are two-thirds of the iconic Canadian children's folk music trio, Sharon, Lois, and Bram, known for their iconic songs like Old John Brattle.
Brattle them. That's right. What? Do you guys know what Brattle them is? It's that. It's that song. Skinnamarink. We know that song, right? Skinnamarinky dinky dinky dinky. Skinnamarinky doo. Vision chips and vinegar. And of course, hi, my name is Joe. I got a wife and three kids and I work in a button factory. Guys.
Guys, I can't believe this is a full circle moment. It's a full circle moment because we talked very early on on the handsome pod. I introduced you guys to the Joe, the button maker factory song. I had never heard of it. What are you talking about? I thought I was in some kind of like fever dream. I didn't know it was world famous. People sounded off in the comments. We posted the clip and the internet went wild.
So many people commented. It brought up this whole new love of this song. People were like, I know this song. Oh, my gosh. And then our friends here, they posted their... singing of it that went viral it was a whole wonderful moment yeah yeah so here they are on the handsome pod asking today's question sharon and bram asking a question
Sharon Hampson and Bramwell Morrison. I never knew that Bram was, his full name is Bramwell Morrison. I did not know that either, Mae. I love that I know that. Now we know. Hi, I'm Sharon. I'm Bram. If you know anything about Sharon, Lois, and Bram, you know we love food. And one of our favorite foods is jelly. We're gonna have some jelly. Hooray, hooray. We're gonna have some jelly. Hooray, hooray. Jelly for our dinner. Jelly every day.
Jelly jelly in my belly Hip hip hip hooray 2, 4, 6, 8 Tell me what's on the handsome plate If that song doesn't go viral, I mean, right off the top of your head, Fortune, can you repeat that song they just sang? Jelly, jelly on my belly, jelly on my plate, jelly in the jelly, and jelly, hip hooray! So the answer is no. Oh, my God. That was so joyful. Yeah. They're asking us what's on the handsome plate in one of the best ways we've ever been asked a question.
I know. Why aren't we demanding songs from our questioners? Yeah. Why aren't we? Yeah. We need to change that. Do you think Jen Ransom will redo her question into song? I think she will. Or Tom Hanks. Yeah.
Do you think we need to answer in song? Whoa, that's going to be... I mean, you're a musician, May. No, but anytime I'm put on the spot on this pod, I bomb. Anytime we're improvising, so I'm kind of... rap or song it goes you guys crush it then it comes to me and i i absolutely panic you wrote the iconic song Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Clank. Clank.
Oh man, what's on the handsome plate? I'm assuming that's asking us what's our favorite food? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I just want mine to be a song so badly. So I'll work on it. You answer first. Yeah, you think... Come up with in your head what you think this song would be. I don't think I have the skills to write that song into song. Have I told you guys I have become obsessed with my new smoothie? No. Let's hear about it.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. It's going to be a good one. Unless it has berries in it, which it probably does. You don't like berries? The seeds. Fortune hates the seeds. Oh, right. Gosh. Well, you can skip the berries. Okay. But I'm real into this. Okay. Okay. And I haven't even been having my decaf.
latte or cortado or anything in the morning because I get so excited now to make this smoothie and I feel so good that it almost feels... like my taste buds my body doesn't even want any sort of coffee beverage really interesting and what you feel energized you feel yeah yeah i feel really good um but I put unsweetened soy milk. Okay. Half a banana, chia seeds, hemp seeds, oats, spinach. Wow.
Broccoli. Broccoli. That's where you lost me. I didn't see broccoli coming. Spinach, I know, is a thing in healthy smoothies, but broccoli. Or here's the other thing. One of a massive cancer fighter is broccoli sprouts. Okay. All right. And broccoli sprouts, real good to eat. And so... Sometimes I'll just put broccoli sprouts in there. And if I don't have broccoli sprouts, I have frozen broccoli that I put in there. I personally also add frozen wild blueberries.
raspberries as well wow and um flax seeds uh just just a whole tornado of stuff in there yeah that sounds like a healthy thing a smoothie is it filling up like a A big cup? Oh, yeah. It's like a 750 calorie smoothie. It's like massive. Yeah, it's a good way. I'm going to buy a blender. I also will put... a plant-based protein powder in there. Oh, I haven't finished. I also put either peanut butter or almond butter in there. Ooh, I like that. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Anyway. That's your handsome plate. Oh, and cinnamon. I put cinnamon in there. And is this a meal? I'll have that for breakfast. Okay. Whether it's my overnight oats or my smoothie. And then I love a grain bowl. Yeah. Yeah. So those are the things that I love. And when you're in Toronto, are you doing that smoothie? Oh, yes, I am. And in the I truly when I go to bed at night, I cannot wait.
to wake up and have this smoothie. I got, when I was filming, I asked catering to make me like a smoothie every morning with all kinds of stuff in it. Yeah. And I did look forward to it. Yeah. Yeah. It makes me really excited to get up and start my day. Nice. Good for you. You're so healthy. I love it. I try. But you know what? I also, I landed really late. My flight was late the other night. I went to my show.
didn't have time to stop to eat and, um, just ate a big old basket of French fries. So I also sneak in, um, anything like that. Um, fortune what's on your handsome plate. Wow. Definitely different. Definitely different. Orange chicken. Yeah. Sign me up. How much money did you spend at restaurants last month? How about ordering delivery?
streaming services, travel. Our sponsor Rocket Money can give you those numbers by categorizing all of your expenses and helping you set a budget for different categories like bills and utilities, dining and drinks, travel and vacation, and much more.
With Rocket Money, you know exactly where your money's going. They make it so much quicker and easier to stay on top of your finances. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that empowers you to save more, spend less and take control of your financial life. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you, sometimes up to 20%. Saving money on a cell phone or cable bill and not having to deal with customer service yourself, that's a dream come true.
Rocket Money has over 5 million happy members and has saved its users over $1 billion across all of the app's features. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Get Rocket Money today at rocketmoney.com slash handsome. That's rocketmoney.com slash handsome. rocketmoney.com slash handsome.
Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like, you know, to work on your Australian accent before heading on a vacation down under. Yeah, checking first is smart, so check Allstate first. For a quote that could save you hundreds, you're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary, terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
What is on my handsome plate? I could have been thinking about this, but I was in the moment listening about your very healthy smoothie. I was not in the moment listening. I was trying to write my song. If I'm doing a smoothie, I really like almond milk, almond butter, dates, banana, protein powder. To me, that's like a... Yummy, yummy-tastic. This is all a lot more complicated than...
Jelly, jelly, jelly, jelly, jelly, jelly. Sure is. But their jelly song did make me think of something that's not the healthiest snack, but I do love it. I'm not going to lie. It is a Uncrustable. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the peanut butter and jelly? Yeah, peanut butter and jelly. I think you told me about that. You talked about that. And I'd never heard of it. And then I tried it and I love it. They're amazing. You can get them on set.
uh usually sets have them because they're very easy an easy snack i'm not allowed to buy them at home because they're full of processed things i'm sure and or yeah i'm pretty confident about that million percent um so On my plate, I would say I'm going back to my standard pad thai. You guys know I love a pad thai. I love a pad thai. It's on my plate. Like a pad cu. In my belly.
Patsy is good, too. That's Jax's favorite for Thai food. Yeah. Mine's a Pad Thai. That's on my plate, y'all. Yes, ma'am. Mm-hmm. With some tofu in there, right? Yeah. Sometimes I do get chicken. I know I need to be eating less meat. When I was in Mississippi a couple of years ago, or maybe it was a year ago, who cares? One of my cousins was talking about how disgusting. she thought tofu was. And my other cousin genuinely said,
Baby, don't say that. You're going to hurt Tig's feelings. And she was like, what? It tastes like you're just chewing on your own thumb. Chewing on your own thumb. And it made me laugh to think like that I was that sensitive that I'm like, don't talk about tofu like that. I love tofu so much. His heart's deep. It cuts me deep. So painful what you said.
I will ask, why is the tofu in the pad thai usually kind of hard, and then the tofu in the grocery store is really soft? I guess they defried it in the pad thai. Yeah, they haven't fried it yet. I mean, you don't have to fry it. You can roast tofu. You can do many different things. They're frying that baby. Okay. Do you guys want to hear my song? Oh, of course. I can't wait. Okay. Ready?
When I'm feeling lonely, the feeling sometimes lingers. I get a plate and I take out some frozen chicken fingers. When my soul is aching and my mood cannot be saved, I put some breaded chicken into my microwave. crunchy on the outside, fluffy chicken in between. I'm the happiest handsome that the world has ever seen. Don't care where it came from. Don't care where it's been. As long as it's frozen chicken fingers, I'm living the dream. Yay!
done little cowboy thanks so much why wasn't it a country song little cowboy Oh, it was kind of on the happiest, handsome list. I went comfort food. That's impressive. That's great rhyming. You're a real talent. A very short amount of time. That was so not impressive. You guys are so nice to me. It is impressive to us. Wow. And our friends would be so impressed too. When they hear this pod, their mind's going to be blown. I hope Sharon and Bram.
I mean, there's a sort of vague hint of depression running through it. There's like, you know, you can listen. There's a darkness there. You didn't pick that up with my soul is aching and my mood cannot be saved. I think I missed that part. You just heard the jaunty melody. How did that escape me? When I'm feeling lonely, the feeling sometimes lingers.
I get a plate and I take out some frozen chicken fingers. I have to be honest. When you said lingers, I knew chicken fingers was coming. And I got excited because I love, I also love chicken fingers. Love it. I think I was just impressed that you were rhyming lingers and fingers. And I wasn't thinking about the undertone. I had some for lunch today. I had some frozen chicken fingers and an Amy's microwavable.
Frozen mushroom risotto. I got to start cooking. You love Amy's. Yeah. Having just like a frozen bean and rice burrito in the freezer is real helpful. I do have one of those Amy's burritos in there. Now, Fortune, can you sing my smoothie? Tega's got a smoothie. It helps with your booty. It's got a lot of things in it that are good for you. It's got broccoli and banana and berries. No poo. Sig doesn't like the on her shoes. That's so good. Yeah. Fortune, did you come up with that right off? Yeah.
Really? I just made it up too. Wow. If I was going to do a song about your smoothie take, I'd really. Yeah, mate, what you got? Well, I'd luxuriate around the unsweetened soy milk. So it'd be like, it'd be more like. On Sweden's side. It'd be really kind of sexy. Yeah, like a lounge kind of. Yeah, crooner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hear it. Yeah, we're waiting. Well, if you're wondering what's in my cup, I'll tell you that it tracks because I'm combining.
25 ingredients with flax. That's good. Oh my gosh. I think you should start running jingles. Sharon and Bram are going to. Feel like we're running them out of town with all this talent. One Canadian's running the other Canadians out of town. That's right. They look amazing and sound amazing. And their voices are so familiar to me. It's like part of my DNA. I love it. I think I saw them live when I was a kid. Wow.
Oh, you did? Yeah, they used to do tours. And I'm certain I saw them live and I stood up and did the Skin of Marine. There's a dance that goes with it. I don't remember what it is. Thomas knows who they are, too. They were big in Canada, right? I mean, they came down to the States as well. Yeah, I also saw them live as a kid.
That's hilarious. Imagine if you and I didn't know that we were next to each other. Screaming your heads off. Yeah, screaming like we were seeing the Beatles. Thomas faints. Do you think that's where your love of jingles and rhyming songs started? I didn't know I had a love of jingles. Good question, Fortune. Thank you. Good question. I didn't know until this moment. Hard-hitting journalism. Yeah. You didn't know that that was a skill you possessed?
No, no, not till this very moment. Look down at that paper. Yeah. Because it's right there. Look down, little cowboy, and see what you're capable of. But if I listen back to this episode, I'm going to be embarrassed because I'm going to notice that.
When you guys are talking, I'm just like, uh-huh. Well, yeah. No, but we gave you that assignment. Yeah, that's true. It was an assignment. Yeah, okay. Do you guys show love with food, like cooking for someone? I think they would think I was showing hate.
because they tasted something i made they were like why do you hate me why do you hate me i'm not a good cook i know you said stephanie's a good cook yeah she uh she she got into to cooking and um and loves her own cooking that's what i love about i mean she loves it so she can't believe how good every meal is that she makes it's so funny i mean no notes She has no notes for herself. That's impressive too. It's so great. She did make some type of loaf once that was sweating.
Oh my God. Did you tell her you didn't care for it? No, we were laughing so hard when she took it out of the oven and it was truly sweating. Oh, my God. And I have to say, we laugh at the house still about Thomas because he. has been around for so long in our lives, like as an assistant and like when the babies were born and he's just been around forever. And Stephanie will every now and then be like, Oh my God, I can't believe the things that Thomas ate.
Like we would just turn and be like, Thomas, do you want this? And he'd be like, yes, please. But that's how like when you have kids and babies, you're just cleaning up scraps and like what they don't eat. was kind of our diet for a few years. It was like, I would say me, Stephanie and Thomas lived off of like crust and macro, you know, and jelly and jelly. Yeah. But yeah, every now and then it comes up of like the things that Thomas ate that.
Max and Finn didn't eat. But I mean, we did too. It's just, he's not their parent. Right. He just, yeah, he was just there. We were like, do you want this? Garburator. Sure. Thomas, do you have that memory as well? For sure. And I had three younger brothers growing up. So I think it just came automatically like, yeah, I'll leave.
Yeah. Yeah. Are you a picky eater? Not anymore. I was as a kid. I was so picky. Pickles and cheese. That was what I lived off of. Really? Because you were how old when you became vegan? I mean, like it's been eight years, I think. Oh, okay. Were you vegetarian before that? No. Oh, you went from eating everything to vegan? Yeah, I ate whatever. And then after I was sick, I was still having like...
pain and people just had recommended that I try eating plant-based and I read about it and tried it out and then never turned back. I know it's in my future. I'm just kind of holding off till. The moment comes, but I know it is in my future. But right now it's these frozen chicken fingers. You can get pretty good fake chicken fingers, though. Oh, my gosh. We have once a week, Max and Finn have these little chicken nuggets that are so good. Yes.
They're so good. But it's after they have a baseball practice because their friends used to all go to this little restaurant and have chicken nuggets. Yeah. And they had.
these vegan chicken nuggets and Stephanie found them in the store, the exact kind that the restaurant had. Oh man, I wish somebody would like... organize my life into rituals like that like the way when you're a kid you're like on wednesday we do this and like and i have my baseball on this day like it was like i know a nugget day Yeah. Time for a nugget. A nugget day sounds good.
I wish someone once a day would tell me it's bath time. That would be really good. Tig and I just text you. It's bath time. So if you're derriere in the hot water. It's bath time. Hey baby, it's bath time. I'm not going to lie. I like a bath too. I'm a bath person. I love it. Love a bath bomb. I'll go into that expensive ass bath bomb store and pick one up.
With your face mask on, you don't care. I'm like, this is $12? That's crazy. I'll take it. I'm doing bath bombs on the plane in that little sink. Oh, my God. I do have a surprise for you guys. Now, I know Sharon and Bram, they technically asked a question and told us an answer all in one go. Yeah. But they didn't want to leave us hanging at the end. And I don't want to spoil the surprise. Were they here in person? Like the Indigo Girls? Yeah. Here's a little extra treat.
Oh, my God. For us. Let's hear it. Skinnamarinky-dinky-dink, Skinnamarinky-doo. I love you. I love you, Fortune. I love you. I love you, too. I love you. I love you, Mae. I love you too. Oh, my God. What a day. That is huge. May, you have tears in your eyes. I actually do. That is really incredible. I don't know if you could hear it. Bram said A. He did? Like a Canadian. I also got...
Look, I'm actually tearing up. I got really nervous when they did Fortune and Tig. For some reason, I thought they're not going to say much. They don't love me. Oh, come on. They're not going to say much. We asked them to not include you, but they insisted. Oh, man, I'm going to really treasure that forever. Yeah, we'll send you the video and everything. You can have it. So whenever you're having a bad day, you can pull that out and remember that you're loved.
I always think it's such an interesting thing, those full circle moments like that, where you think of yourself as a kid. Oh, my God. Listening to them. And here we are, grown ass adults. Seriously. Still wooed by the magic of those songs. And if I could go, yeah, if I could go back in time to. Being at their live show and hearing them say my name, oh my God, I would have freaked. That's amazing.
I just appreciate that they so fully backed me up about Joe and the button factory. Yeah. They were like, this is real and it's a huge hit and this is how it goes. Yeah. Big hit. I thought that might be the surprise that they were going to sing the button song. It blew it out of the water. You can go on their socials and they have that video of them singing Joe and the...
Joe, what is it called? Joe the button? Shrinky dick. The button maker. Joe the button maker. Hi, my name is Joe, I think. Oh, hi, my name is Joe. Hi, my name is Joe. That was the equivalent of like, if... Paul McCartney sent us a video and instead of singing Hey Jude, he sang like, Hey Fortune. Hey May. Oh, I got goosebumps. Hey Tig.
Do you know what Hey Jude is about? No. Is this a take fact? It's about Julian Lennon? Yes. I love that. He wrote about John's son, Julian. That's sweet. I love it. And did you know St. Jude is the patron saint of lost causes? Oh. Oh, did not know that either. What an odd thing. There's some weird saints, man. I mean, that's a beautiful poetic one, but there's also St. Sidney is the patron saint of...
Rabied dogs. Oh, that makes sense. Do you guys want more Panda Express facts? Yes, please. Yes, please. The owners are a couple. And they've been married for like 47 years and they're college sweethearts. Really? Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Everyone knows that one though. I think I might order from there. Again, not sponsored by the Panda Express. Just happen to know these random facts.
Well, I feel like we really nailed it with this episode. I mean, what a podcast. Share your favorite episodes with all of your favorite friends and family. And let's continue to grow the community. Subscribe, review, rate. We have some Wicked merch on our website. Some really good stuff. We're not selling merch for the movie Wicked. It's just wicked cool merch. We've decided to sell merch from the movie.
I love that. We also have a live streaming holiday extravaganza on December 21st. We want you to be there. So get your ticket now. at our social media pages or DynastyTypewriter.com. Have a viewing party. Dress like a handsome host. Tag us. Which so many people did on Halloween, by the way. Yeah. Yeah, I loved it. That was so cool.
That was fun. I loved it. I don't know why people were putting a pillow in their costume for me, but whatevs. I don't know why when people were doing my hair, they were often wearing like a Princess Diana wig almost. Like it was like a blonde like. Yeah. I don't know why people were dressed like their grandfather. I didn't see some mustaches, which was hilarious. But yeah, we're going to be in our home that, you know.
Dynasty typewriter home base with all the great equipment. So it's going to be smooth sailing. If you're in Toronto, come to Comedy Bar and check me out. Working out my new material. I pretty much live there. I'm at Largo a couple of times a month, so check out my Instagram. I'm also doing a benefit in Toronto on the 15th for Birdsong Foundation. Check that out. Thank you to all the people who've watched my special on Netflix, crushing it. Please continue to watch it.
Um, because, uh, any, any viewing helps and, um, yeah, I'm very proud of it. Watch it and then just like leave it playing in the background over and over. Yeah. And if you don't have time to watch it right now, just turn it on because the first few weeks are on Netflix. Very, very important. So yeah, if you know you're going to watch it with your family over the holidays, just turn it on now.
Yeah. And you can get to it then. And also I just announced a bunch of tour dates for my new tour that will be starting. um, in the new year. Well, we did it again. And until next time, I mean, keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited. by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast.
Handsomes, the audio version of my comedy special, Hello Again, is available everywhere just in time for the holidays. Go to Tignotaro.com to get a copy for you and a loved one now. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Mike, you know to check your phone for a new pretty little episode before you start your Friday.
Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary. Terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.