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15% off any annual membership at masterclass.com slash handsome. See Masterclass's latest deal at least 15% off at masterclass.com slash handsome. masterclass.com slash handsome Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Handsome Pod. I'm your pal Mae Martin, joined by... Tig Notaro, who is also your dear pal. And who else do we have sitting right here? Another pal, Fortune Feimster. Hi. What's up, you guys?
Don't you think if your alarm clock was the handsome theme, you'd have a good morning? Oh, for sure. Hopefully people figured out how to do that. See, the only thing I figured out is... Yeah. Is that actually your alarm? No. I was just, you know. Pretending like it was. I told a lie. This is our first pod back after our live shows. Yeah. It is indeed. We got a lot to process. It was so incredible. It really was. We had over, let's see, 5,500 handsome fans.
Austin, 2400 in Nashville. I heard from so many people that drove from all these places. It was really amazing. It was my first time in the South as well. Loved it. Which did you connect more with, Nashville or Austin? I think, I think, oh, I don't want to alienate. You're going to get me. A lot of hate mail. I think I had a great time in both. They were very different. I went out with Thomas in Nashville after the show to...
a lesbian karaoke bar. They went to the Lipstick Lounge, one of the few lesbian bars left in our country. And we did announce at the show that Mae was going. It was pretty packed and wild, right? Yeah, it was a good... It was clearly me just needing some validation, being like, guys, I'm going to this bar after the show. And did you get the validation that you wanted? Yeah, people were super nice. It was great. And did you find anyone special?
I actually did connect with someone, but I guess I'll probably never see her again unless I'm in Nashville. Yeah, I didn't hook up or anything. I had a nice little sparkly vibe. You kept it handsome. I kept it pretty handsome. Yeah. And Thomas and his wife were there. Lots of people asking Thomas for pictures, too. It was great. Oh, my gosh. Thomas is a real star. Well, we sang Third Eye Blind together. Look at that. What song? Semi-Charmed Life.
And I sort of, I think I was, I'd had enough drinks that I thought, I look pretty cool doing this. And then I saw a video that someone posted and I look like a manic 12 year old. That's what karaoke is supposed to be like though. Yeah. Right. Yeah. What did Thomas sing? That with me. Yeah. And did his wife chime in, too? Or was it just the two of you duetting? The three of you. Laura chimed in, yeah. Wow. And Laura sang Linda Ronstadt, too. Really? After I left? Yeah.
By herself? Wait, you and Laura kept hanging out at the lesbian bar? Y'all were wild. How long were you there, Mae? I was there until I missed my flight the following morning. I think I got home about one and ate some tacos in bed. Yeah. Did anyone ask where Tig and I were? Everybody. Not one question. And when you say fortune that you and I were being boring, what do you mean? Like we didn't go out. We just went back to our hotel.
Yeah, we share a room together when we're on the road. We both put our eye masks on. We were just decompressing from the night. So that was fun because we were putting on our nightgowns. And spooning. Yeah. And I'm picturing, you know, in movies when they turn off the bedroom light and it's still clearly lit. but just blue light. I'm picturing that. But I had, it was great seeing you guys in your element in the South. Like it was.
yeah did you have fun you mean in our element in the south meaning singing all my exes live in texas with charlie sexton yeah that was awesome and let's give everyone a recap for those who didn't know and the national show We had a surprise guest, Ginger Feimster, my mother. We had Brad Paisley and Kimberly Paisley. Kimberly Williams Paisley came out and Brad sang some amazing songs. Brad is a major country.
music star. Kimberly is an amazing actor. They were both so funny. There was something really nice about like... with everything going on in the world and in the south to be there and there's this queer community and And then to have a country music star come out and be so such an ally like that, like just effortlessly. I don't know. It felt really nice. Yeah, it was pretty special. It was really, really cool. Very touching.
What were his songs called again that he improvised? One was about the bear portal for me. Yeah. He improvised a song for each host. Yeah. Tig was the dumpster tits, right? Of course. Yeah. I was the big old gams. Big old gams. And I showed off my gams. Big old gams. Big old gams. Yeah. It was so fun. And then an audience member. A fan of the Handsome Pod surprised us each. With a pair of boots. Cowboy boots.
So we had some pretty cool moments in Nashville. Has anybody worn their boots since? Not yet, but I will. I'm going to find a two-step in place and wear them. I'll come with you. I will too. I think Thomas will as well. Yeah, great. Then in Austin, it was... Amazing as well. We had Charlie Sexton. Charlie Sexton is like a iconic Texas rock star who also...
has been Bob Dylan's guitar player forever, and also Elvis Costello. I mean, he's like, he's no joke, this guy. He rolls deep in the music business. Yes, he does. And May has frozen. And I think that's how impressed May is with Bob Dylan and Elvis Costello. That's right. May. So yeah, Charlie was a legend. Caitlin Riley, very, very funny comic. And then we are surprised for that.
was um tig arranged for us to have a tap dancing lesson on stage yes indeed we did a tap dancing lesson live in austin Did anyone notice that I just... Oh, yeah. We thought you were having trouble comprehending Charlie Sexton for way too long. Oh, yeah. I was frozen with my mouth open. Truly, you were like...
That would be really sad if no one noticed that I logged out and then logged in again. And the whole audience in Austin sang Stand By Me With Us, which was a pretty incredible moment. Did we talk about the top dancing? We did, but we can go back to it. I think that brought out a really bad part of my personality. Like why? I was so desperate to be like the model student and to get it right and to pay attention.
like sweating and just, I kept trying to catch her eye, the teacher and be like, I'm listening. Even if the other two aren't, I'm with you. I'm paying attention. I was acting a fool in the corner, just pretending to smoke a cigarette. Yeah. Yeah. I was not the star student. When dance lessons or dance moves are presented as like, oh, yeah, no big deal. You just do this with your left foot, then right, then left, then back, and then over, and then click, click.
And the delivery is as though this is nothing. And it seems like really easy steps, but I was like... I cannot do this. And once I realized I couldn't do it, then I just went rogue, which I think is kind of my personality now that I think about it. You know, it reminds me of when I was younger in school and it's like, oh, I don't know what we're talking about.
plus y minus a three what like never mind i'm gonna do my own thing i'm gonna go yeah i'm gonna just wander outside but i felt like yeah it was so fun I feel, um, closer to you guys. Like, I felt like I learned a lot about your, your pre-show vibes. Like I know we've done live shows before, but these were our biggest. And, um, Tell us about the pre-show vibes. Tell us what you learned. Well, it was interesting. It was like...
For both shows, I think. Yeah, because everybody's got their own pre-show kind of ritual or vibe. It felt to me like Fortune was kind of holding court, social. people are coming in, Fortune's talking to them. There's like...
You know, guests. You're talking about in the green room. In the green room before the show. Yeah, yeah. And Fortune's like, make sure there's a cheese plate. It's like making sure everyone feels good and happy. Tig, you're like already on in that you are acerbic and witty. Like you're like already. like ready to go ready to go and like being hilarious
And then I felt like I was like, at one point I went to the bathroom and closed the door and just did 10 pushups. Like, I'm like, I don't, I gotta, yeah, I'm like, I gotta get him. game ready i don't know how you guys are so do you need like a minute to yourself maybe i mean just to like process what's happening But wait, I saw you do push-ups.
in the green room so you did them in the bathroom and then again in the green room yeah and then in Austin you did them on stage and had me sit on your back that was a good moment That was impressive. Even though you only pushed me up a couple of times, it was still impressive. Just doing one would impress me. I mean, doing one without another human on my back would be an absolute miracle. My arms were quivering and I kept thinking afterwards like what would have happened if
my arms gave out and I just broke my nose. I think I would have trucked along. Worth it. Worth it. I also was trying to get us to have like a show order and figure out. you know i was like tig this is what when you're like who cares yeah but this is what we need to do this is and then on stage you're like what's next What do we do? What do we do? Be glad you were never one of my teachers. As long as one of us knows what's going on, that's fine. Yes, totally. Do we even need to know?
Well, the Austin show was pretty long. And I kept saying, we got to move on. And it would make you more defiant. And you'd be like. now I'm going to talk more. Yeah. We're going to do seven more questions. Rebelling. Yeah. But that's the beauty of the show. It just unfolds naturally and fun and silly. And you never know what you're going to get. And it's a wild ride. There were so many...
handsome people in the audience who had made homemade merch that I was really impressed with. Like there was a You got in the airport an old Dead Eyed Biggie t-shirt. Is that right? Yes, I was about to. board my flight and this woman came running up and she was all winded. I don't know how long she'd been chasing me because I'm not a fast walker. But she was like, Tig, Tig, here, I wanted to give this to you.
And it was just a picture of dead eyes. How dare they? I like that she had just been carrying it around in the airport, like in her hand luggage, I guess. Yeah, thinking she might see me, I guess. I saw tons of handsome merch in the airport. I was like looking around and seeing sweatshirts and we have this new really cool, I don't know what you would call it. It's like almost a heavy metal. The white shirt with the...
Like a baseball shirt. It was the white shirt with the blue collar. Yeah, that shirt I sell everywhere. The one Brad Paisley was wearing that just says handsome. It's a new t-shirt that we just put on our merch site. It's good. It's really good. That one and there's like a heavy metal looking handsome shirt that's really cool. Now, Mae, Fortune and I were talking about how exhausting the road can be and how hard it is to like make plans or see friends or family sometimes.
You seem to have absolutely no problem. You're like out singing karaoke or, you know, doing your May stuff. Do you find it hard when you're...
I wonder how it would be if I was in a city that I'd been to a lot before. But I think because they were just sort of one-off shows, and I'd never been to those cities. I went to the Johnny Cash Museum in Nashville, and I saw the... the marbles that he used to play with when he was a little boy and now i can't i know i've mentioned them like 20 times to you guys like i can't stop thinking about how i want those marbles like i or how i should get my own marbles or something i'm like
There's something magical about marbles. Wouldn't you agree? Yeah, absolutely. I love that you made the most of your time there. Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Well, I'm trying to get my mojo back. Man, I had breakfast the next day in Austin. That was lovely. Thanks for the invite. I figured you were, what did I figure you were doing? You were, you were gone. It was a late breakfast. No, I was with my childhood friend. I had spent time in Houston with her.
shutting down my parents' storage space. And then she and I drove into Austin. And so she's who I was with. um on my free time and to me that's relaxing because I've known her since we were in elementary school and You know, we don't run out of things to say. And she's listening right now. In fact, you met her backstage in Austin. Yeah. Yeah, she was. Lovely. And I said, what was Little Tig like? And she said, pretty much this.
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My friend of 20 years was at the Nashville show. And same with her. It's very relaxing. Yeah, it's so nice when you can just... chill just unmask like you really don't have to be on but those people remind you who you are or of like your core essence that hasn't changed and uh Yeah, you tap into your like child sense of humor. I like it. And now I'm very curious. And I think I asked this backstage, but does it interest?
The two of you to actually do a proper handsome tour. I feel like I got the, I got the bug. Yeah. Got the bug. I definitely want to do more shows for sure. Yeah. Cause I've always. I don't know. I've always dreaded touring. I don't like touring alone, I think. Like my agent just texted me and was like, hey, you should do a stand-up tour yourself, but let's find a way to do it so you don't get sad. I was like, oh, is that like a known fact that I get sad when I'm on my own? So yeah.
spread dates out and not do, like, I think the tour I'm doing would make you very sad. Right, because you're just always on the move. I mean, yeah, three to four cities in a weekend. Mainly because comedy makes you sad. Oh, exactly. But you enjoyed doing your live show in Austin, right? May, you had a blast. Yeah. And I was doing new stuff and I had a question bucket for the audience and they were asking the most.
personal questions and i was really over sharing and then telling everyone please don't tweet this please don't tell people the secrets i'm sharing and did anyone tweet anything i know you someone look Of course I looked. Someone tweeted... picture of me and then was like, don't worry, May, I won't tweet about what you said. So it was almost like a little threat. But they did hold back. Hilarious.
I think if you started with like some of the big major cities, that would be a good thing. Like do a Chicago. Do a New York City. But see, I have to say. I've done that. You already done that on your stand-up? I haven't done Chicago, but Tig, are you going to say the smaller? I feel like the smaller markets are so off the charts excited because they get.
uh skipped over a lot and and there's always this vibe of like oh my god thank you for coming to Fargo or thank you for coming to Iowa City or thank you you know and it's just like not that people in the major cities don't appreciate it. But people that are in slightly more minor markets, I feel like are just So over the top psyched. I really want to do a tour of small towns in the South, but that's how I feel. Yeah.
after this tour well maybe maybe run by run some of those by me first okay yeah yeah the warmth was amazing and would you tour with somebody like are you going to be in the green room by yourself or would you bring an opener doing push-ups yeah um I guess I would bring an opener for, yeah, I think I would bring an opener. It was fun doing the music shows because I had the band. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think maybe I found that that's what I need. Wait, did I tell you guys?
Speaking of bringing openers and green rooms, did I tell you what happened? I was hosting the podcast awards. Did I tell you? No, you haven't told us. Oh, my Lord. Okay. You know, the green room is supposed to be like a private. You know, that's where you kind of get yourself together and unwind or whatever it is. Before I was hosting the podcast awards, I was in my green room by myself. And I had my little spread of food that is part of my contract, right? A guy walked in without knocking.
Or saying who he was. which is very off-putting. And he had his eyes, and this, by the way, this story is not going where you think it is. His eyes totally focused on the food on the table. And he's walking over and he barely glances at me and he goes, are you finished? Are you finished with their food? And I was like, oh, no, like the award show hadn't started. Yeah. And I said, no, because.
In my mind, I'm thinking I'm not planning on eating until I finish my monologue and then I can kind of relax a little more. And so, you know. you're in your head you're you're like getting ready to do what you're there to do and some random person walks in And he's like, he goes, okay, is somebody else going to be eating this food with you? I know. And I'm sitting there going, I'm like, no, it's just me. And he's like, okay.
What did he say? He goes, okay, well, I'm probably going to need to throw this out. And I go, wait, what are you talking about? And then I thought, oh, my God, I'm being pranked. This is a total prank show. I am being pranked. And I said, what do you mean you're going to need to throw this out? And he said, well, you know, you just.
Don't want to have food sitting out for too long. You know, it can go bad. And I was like, I said, I'm hosting this award show. This was in my contract. Yeah. What's going on? Yeah. I was so confused. And he said, yeah, well, listen to this. It could also get bugs. It could also draw some bugs onto the food. And I'm like... On what plan? I've been performing almost 30 years. I have never had to deal...
With my food all of a sudden becoming rotten or bugs swarming all over. Yeah, infested with bugs. And I said, listen, I said, I'm going to go ahead and take a chance here and just tell you I'm good with the food. And you can step, I mean, no clue who this man is, right? Yeah. And then after a beat, he says. Honestly, it's just it's been a long day and I'm just ready to go home.
Oh, he just wanted to clean up so he could leave? He just wanted to clean up, throw my food out, and leave. Oh, my God. I was like, get out of here. I mean, listen, I am not somebody that's wanting. him to be working over any sort of normal amount of hours or doing anything inappropriate or. But A, you don't have a name tag. I don't know who you are. You just walked in the green room and you're wanting to throw my food out.
But it's also like, this is not my problem. Go find somebody that can like relieve you. And not throw my food out. You're like, I'll throw it out, bud. We're good. Or I'll eat it. I'm going to eat it in like 30 minutes. It's not like in the next 30 minutes, all of my food is going to be like full of bugs and rotten. You know, he said to his supervisor, I really want to go home. And they said, as soon as that food.
gone you're you can go home so like how weird it was so crazy and I called my assistant and I was like hey some guy I told her the whole story And I said, I don't trust that he's not going to just walk into the green room and throw my food out. or go through my thing. Like I had my backpack, my phone, everything back there. Imagine if like you sat down to eat, get your food, and the waiter's like...
Can you move a little faster? I got to get done with this. Or can you move faster? Bugs are going to start covering your foot, like swarming your foot. It was so crazy. that is so crazy so it reminds me of this tiktok trend that's happening where where these wives are telling the waitresses to take the husband's plate away before they're eating a couple of bites. Oh, and just to see the reaction of the husband. That is so funny. These guys are eating.
And like three bites in, the waitress comes and grabs their thing and they're like, ugh. That's great. I don't know why, but it makes me laugh so hard. It's so funny. And the waiter's like, I'm sorry, I've just had a long day. I'm ready to go home. I'm going to throw your food out. Anyway, it's too good. Guys, can I quickly show you something? Please. Is this your new home? Oh, this is my new house, yeah, but this is the reveal that...
Now, they're not mine forever, but I don't know if you can see they're too tiny. Oh, my God. Puppies. Oh, I miss Biggie. I haven't seen them in three weeks. Oh, Biggie. They're two tiny. They're five-week-old pit bull puppies. My friend is fostering them. They were found under a bridge. And then she had to work today. So I'm like their stepdad. Guys, they're called Bert and Ernie. They smell like babies. They're so cute. And I'm sorry, they're five weeks? They're tiny. They're tiny.
They couldn't be in the shelter even because i don't know they're not vaccinated and there was some oh like a cough wait they're anti-vax they're anti-vax oh no Republicans. They sleep so much like babies and they just want to be loved. And then they'll suddenly have a burst of energy and I'm in love with them. It makes me miss Biggie. I haven't seen him in like three weeks.
Oh, little Biggie. Biggie as a puppy must have been next level. I don't know. We didn't have him as a puppy. We rescued him. Was he under a bridge? He was found wandering about with another dog. We don't know how long he was. I can tell you how long. Probably like, what, two minutes? Yeah, at most. Yeah, because he wouldn't have lasted longer. He took his... His family took a right turn. He took a left turn. Somebody was like, he wasn't chipped. It wasn't neutered. He was around three years old.
Wow. Oh, man. Maybe he was on his way to his third birthday party. But I wonder who the other dog was that Biggie was with, like a lover? It was, I think they met up. Are you making up Biggie's rescue story for Joe? Yeah, I don't think they met up. He can't tell us what happened. I know what happened. I'm just assuming he met up with somebody. His family turned right. He turned left and he had a meet cute bumped into this other dog. And then he got swiped up.
is under a bridge somewhere. They don't release them for a couple weeks. They give people time to try to find their pets if it's an accident. My thing is, I've let them run around the whole... they my friend alana who's fostering them was like they're gonna they're gonna poo at some point you just pick it up and and i feel like they have somewhere but i can't
Well, she's happy. They are going to poop. At some point they will poop. But I feel like they have and I just don't know where and I'm going to find it. That's how I feel. Wait, what do you mean? Did they just arrive today? Yeah. Yeah. May's just watching them for the day, right? Yeah.
Just for the day. Atlanta's had them for like two weeks. Oh, they're cute. They arrived for the day and they were running around for a while and I was on a call and I think they've pooed somewhere. I stepped in poo early, early days. It's not great. Barefoot. Oh my God. You don't like that? That's not your thing? So disgusting. It's a sensation I'll never forget. And it was disgusting.
Now, tell me this. Are Bert and Ernie their God-given names? They're Christian names. Yeah, or in Atlanta, did y'all name them? Well, they were... Chris and Bertram and Ernest. No, I don't know. No, they were Bert and Ernie on the Foster website. And then when Alana got there, the woman said... Actually, we've renamed them like taco and burrito. And we were already really attached to Bert and Ernie. So we just have kept.
them as Bert and Ernie and they'll answer to anything at this point they're too little they don't know who they are or what the fuck is going on so cute you should come over and maybe your boys would like to meet them absolutely Yeah. That's so cute. Congrats to you and Alana. I'm having a lovely day. I'm thinking I gotta get a dog, but... You have two. I got two right now. Yeah. We can see how it feels. It's a good practice. It feels good.
I got a lot of love to give, you know? We know. We know you do. And you've gotten out there a few times. I know that it's like. I've been talking to them a lot by myself and I found myself saying, I want to marry you to the puppies. Don't go spread rumors. I talk to Biggie all the time. Proposing though? No, come on now. the eternal, unconditional love I want to give them. And I just kept going. Just say that.
Oh, yeah. Did your voice change, though? Because when I talk to Biggie, I'm like, hello, my Biggie baby bear. I love you so much. Hey, as far as. dog voices go that one's not too hello my hello biggie baby bear hello my biggie baby bear you're so cute i've been talking to them like I want to marry you. No, that's creepy. Yeah, that's creepy. Maybe that's why neither have said I do. Yeah, because they're like, why is Nathan Lane screaming at us?
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But he's super talented. Everybody knows and loves him. One of the kindest people. Today's question asker is a comedian, actor and writer who co-created and starred in the TV show Catastrophe. He stars as Peter in the Deadpool movie franchise. and is a best-selling author whose books include A Heart That Works. He stars in the new Hulu comedy drama Dying for Sex. Rob Delaney is asking today's question. Nice. Hey, handsome. Hope you guys are all doing well.
Tig, great to see you. I can see you through this. And May, great to see you. Fortune, nice to meet you. I admire you and have for a long time. Hopefully Tig and May will vouch that I'm a nice person and I'm qualified to ask a question. My question for you guys is... food have you eaten more than anybody else in the world like is there a snack maybe a comfort snack something from childhood something you ate all the time out of desire
out of poverty, whatever it may be, I'd like to know what that food is, something you've eaten more than anybody else in the world. Wow. Wow. It's so funny. I feel like I know Rob. Probably everyone feels that. He's one of those people who has shared. so much of himself in such a vulnerable way, having lost his son, um, that I followed his journey a little bit and that was so heartbreaking and he just.
was so raw and real and just, God, that story was so moving and sad and how he's dealt with it and the awareness he's brought to. Other people dealing with grief, it's pretty admirable. It really is. And the way he handles everything. is in this way of like nothing is off limits. You can't, there's no wrong or bad question. He just wants to be in. conversation about whether it's the silliest thing in the world.
Or the most devastating. And I've known Rob, God, decades now. And he's one of those people. And I find these people to be so fun in that. Because he's just like... Mr. Handsome Face. He's very pulled together, you know, kind of looks like he could be a businessman as a you know what I mean? He like if you put a suit on Rob Delaney. It works. There's no question that that guy is a businessman. And meeting him in the stand up scene was so.
confusing because you can think like, oh, this guy is just doing standup to get a sitcom or something. you know, because he's so cute or has a certain look, you know what I mean? I don't know if that's too inside baseball, but he has so many stories to tell, whether it's his sobriety or the loss of his son. anything that he shares. And then he's also, meanwhile, the silliest person, which is also confusing because he's so handsome, could dress him up as a businessman.
Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. And isn't that just the... The mark of like a great entertainer is that everyone feels like they know him. Like that's. Yeah. Like you want to have lunch with them. That's, that's where you go. Oh, you're, you're good at your job. I don't know. I don't know him that well, but I remember. being excited that he was doing a show I was doing in Brighton on the coast in England. And then...
We did the show and then we both, we ended up just on the same train back to London. And it was like you're saying, Tig, it was like deep convo, like did not look at our phones the whole time, like just for.
train ride he was so nice and and yeah and meanwhile could have his own sitcom and has done incredible oh right i mean i guess i'm thinking back 20 years ago like when it was like real like laugh track sitcom but like has done run the gamut of like, drama movies tv stand-up writing he yeah i know i love that he was like maybe you guys can vouch for me to fortune that i'm like we are laying it on we're fans we're fans have you guys seen dying for sex it's really
a really good show that just came out I want to he plays this character that is so good he likes to be um It's Michelle Williams stars in the show and it's about sex and she's dying of cancer and is on the sex journey. And it's the way they talk about sex and deal with sex. is really funny and interesting. And yeah, he plays her neighbor and... She humiliates him and bosses him around in a sexual way.
So good. That's great. He's been a fun one to, uh, to watch explode. Well, yeah, but also I guess what I'm trying to say is like, you just, his career became something that I just couldn't have imagined. You know what I mean? And I remember in the early days when he shared about the car accident that got him sober. I was like, oh, wow, that's a very personal story. And I had no idea he was like just full of that.
Yeah. Right. But God, is he full of nonsense too. It's crazy making. Oh man, what a treat. Yeah. Well, he's also, he's asked a very good question. Yeah. Is there anything you guys eat that has been the most of, of anyone? Well, I feel like when he mentioned, you know, for financial reasons or like when you were broke or something, my go-to was white rice. and a can of soup and I would make the soup and then I would fill the bowl with white rice.
I have done this exact thing. Yeah. Tomato soup or chicken soup. Any kind of soup. It would make it heartier. Yeah, to just fill me up. One million percent. And so I feel like I've definitely put in my time with rice shoved into a bowl of soup. And then and then I think now. On a more boring, healthy level, what are they, broccoli sprouts? Maybe I've talked about them on here. Oh, yes. You love the superfood. Yeah. Well, yeah. It's like it's supposed to be a big cancer fighter.
And so I throw those into my... my smoothie and i've probably eaten a lot more than most people because they have a little bit of a bitter taste but not in the smoothie once it's mixed in with everything else you don't taste it but you get all the power nutrition Yeah, that's good. I've obviously eaten a lot more ass than most people. Just kidding. No, you're not.
No, I actually, that's not my thing, but I have, I have, anyway. You definitely eat more than I have. But I, so there's like my broke food. Like when you were saying that, Tig, I thought about like in. There was like a year where I was in rehab in Toronto. And it was a day program and I had no money and I was on. welfare assistance. The reason I would go to this rehab, like the thing that kept me going back at the beginning was that everyone at lunch would get a free
instant noodles and a free oatmeal packet. So I would steal those, I'd like pocket them and I'd have that every day and like the taste of that.
cinnamon sugar in the oatmeal packet and oh yeah and then and then i was living with this woman called joanne and in this weird apartment and she would just sit watching dr phil and smoking and then when she would go to bed i would sneak to the kitchen and take like a handful of her cereal like trying not to crinkle the box because I truly just I would spend my money immediately on drugs as soon as I got it and so then the whole rest of the month was like
real scrounged so where did you get your money from welfare you said yeah from welfare yeah And then you just blew it on. Well, it's so little money. So I would pay my rent with it and then there'd be barely any leftover and I'd either buy weed or it would go quick. But yeah, so the instant noodles and then these. dry handfuls of cereal that I would...
I remember like my heart pounding in the kitchen, just moving in slow motion trying to take these. Trying to get that cereal. Your heart's pounding because you don't want to be caught, but also because you love that cereal so much. Because I love those. Boom, boom. What cereal? Cheerios, I think. Nothing special, nothing fancy. I haven't had cereal in so long. I hadn't either. And then once I had kids.
There's like usually a box of cereal in our pantry. I mean, most times. It's a pretty good snack any time of day. Oh, yes, indeed. Are you still a Cheerios person, Mae? Yeah, yeah. There's gluten-free Cheerios now. Not that I'm gluten free, but you know, I also, I'm curious where you stand on this. I like barely any milk in my cereal. Oh, I like a lot. I'm in the middle. Almond milk. Oh my gosh. Look at, well, yeah, I'm soy milk, unsweetened soy milk, but.
um my son finn is similar to like i don't like a lot of sauces or dressing or a lot of milk or i like you want the crunch i do like sauces i'm a sauce gal a little spaghetti sauce on your do you remember in the 90s like For breakfast, cereal, and then on top of the cereal, which is like Frosties or something, I would pour sugar.
and then you watch the sugar melt on the like how was I starting my day like that just oh and then scooping the sugar at the bottom of the milk yes like yeah I think back then you could just when you're young you can get away with that stuff more Yeah. But then the thing that I have eaten in general more than anyone else is applesauce, I think. My fridge is full of it right now. It's refreshing. It's filling. Just those little tubs of unsweetened apples.
Oh, I don't think I've had applesauce in yours either. But you like sauce. You should get into it. I know. I just never thought about it. I love apples and I do eat one every... single day. Does it keep the doctor away? Well, it hasn't, but I'm trying. You just eat them plain or do you put even like almond butter or anything with it?
Yeah, I'll, I just eat an apple and sometimes I'll put a little nut butter or seed butter or something on the apple. Same with bananas. I love eating a banana and just putting a little.
scoop of um nut or seed butter on there how come like if you blend an apple up you call it applesauce but it's not the same with other foods like if you were to blend bananas is it banana sauce or broccoli blended is not broccoli sauce you know this is a really good point that you make people are going to write in and let us know this is going to be my new hour this is as deep As Rob Delaney goes. Yeah. Fortune, what's your...
ultimate food that you are like an aficionado of. I mean, I wouldn't say I've eaten this more than anyone. I don't overdo any one thing like to the... degree old fashions um no i mean even those i only have like one every i mean pad thai i could never eat pad thai yeah and not get tired of it um that's good because when you commit a crime and you're in hiding in thailand you're gonna be eating
Oh yeah. Just fine out there. Cause when I went to Thailand, I had Pad Thai every day. So yeah, I don't think I've eaten more of it than anyone in the world, but, um, I like it and it never, I, it's something I could eat. without getting tired of i just don't because i'm not gonna eat noodles all the time what was your oh god i'm broke food yeah um
When I was broke, I just didn't have any cooking skills. I didn't either. So I think it was just like frozen meals and stuff. You know those Marie Callender meals? No. It was those. Full of, I'm sure, sodium and not good for you. I like peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That was my big broke food was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I feel like this is the first time the three of us. passionately agreed and got on the same page. Thomas, can you put it on the list? On the list.
They're so good. They're just simple. And like, sometimes on set, I'll just like after like a 16 hour day, I'll be like, can I just get a peanut butter sandwich? And it's like. Oh, yes. Okay, here's the thing. Do you want it with crust or without? I'm not a big crust gal, but I don't ask them to put it on. I mean, I don't ask them to cut it off. I don't love the crust. I love crust.
I love crust. Yeah, I like being left over with a crust. Yeah, I think I like a crust, but I'm not saying no to a no crust. But yeah, that's on set. I could eat a million of those. Oh my God. Would you ever put banana in it? Yeah. They would get it. They would get the, the. stuff just for me. I was the only person that would ask for them. Oh, you know what's really good too is a grilled peanut butter and jelly. Yes. Oh my God. Yes.
Yeah. Yes. Who knew that we'd get so passionate about a pee-pee and shake? Do you remember that peanut butter and jelly that came together, like the goobers or whatever it's called? Like in the same jar is peanut butter and jelly and it swirled. In Canada, when we would film, I would have to ask them to buy grape jelly. I'm trash, so I like grape jelly. I like it too. That's very American. They only do strawberry in Canada.
So, and you can't choke down a peanut butter and strawberry. I mean, I know that it's not everyone's. They would specifically have to buy grape jelly just for me. What a diva. Yeah, grape jelly is not a big thing there for sure. For sure. But oh man, I could do like an apricot jam. I could do raspberry.
strawberry, honey. And wait, and are you saying, Fortune, it's hard for you to choke down strawberry jam? I have a thing with seeds. Oh, right. Strawberry seeds. Why do I forget this about you? I care so much. and yet i forget it's my one really weird thing that has not changed my whole life and i don't know why and Something about biting into a hard little strawberry seed gives me like a visceral or like reaction. Let me ask you.
Where does everyone stand with marmalade? Yeah, great question. I love orange marmalade. Yeah, orange marmalade. Yeah, I like it. I like a crumpet with butter on it. I've never had a crumpet. it's like an english muffin it's kind of like an english muffin yeah but it's a different texture it's a crumpet it's got holes in it
Oh my God, a crumpet toasted with, and it's got, yeah, holes in the butter kind of fills the holes. Can we take a moment to acknowledge how great of a word crumpet is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we take that for granted, I feel. It's a good term of endearment. Hello, Crumpet. I do have high tea. Yes. But they've never come with crumpets, but they come with scones. I love a scone. I love a blueberry scone.
Vegan, of course. High tea is like my jam. Jam. Like grape jam. I had a moment last night where I was like, going to bed. And then I thought, Oh God, I really want an ice cream sandwich. I have ice cream sandwiches and I'm an adult and I can have one. That's right, bud. Yeah. You can do whatever the heck you want, right? You eat ice cream sandwiches with your boys, right? And they want to...
They sometimes want an extra one. Why do I have that memory? Yeah. Yeah. They have these little popsicle or something. It's like an ice cream. The chocolate. covered over like vanilla ice cream. Oh, I have some of those. Vegan from Van Leeuwen. Have you ever had their vegan ice cream bars? Oh, I haven't because I think there's coconut in it, but Van Leeuwen is, yeah. They're so, the vegan Van Leeuwen ice cream bars, so good. Have you had Tofutti?
Those are good ice. I know it doesn't sound it, but those are good little vegan ice cream tofuri sandwiches. That might be the little... ones that i was saying max infinite because they went through a but it's been a few years um they make these with oat milk oh nice i could do that yeah well should we hear what rob's uh yeah let's hear what rob says I'm back, guys, with the answer to my question. I asked what food you'd eat more than anybody else in the world.
For me, that's Honey Nut Cheerios. I ate many warehouses of Honey Nut Cheerios throughout my childhood and well into adulthood. I can't eat it now because if I eat anything other than like broccoli and like lean chicken, I will... Cease to operate. But I ate a lot of that stuff. And I hope you did too. Or whatever you ate. Good luck with my question. Good luck.
Oh, yeah. I mean, that goes back. I mean, how funny that we were talking about Cheerios. But man, that's part. It's tricky. Like that's that's the cereal that's usually in our house is Honey Nut Cheerios. And it's hard to just have one bowl. Oh, yeah. It is real hard.
When he said that he's eaten many warehouses, I thought, yeah, fuck, if you could see all the food you've ever eaten in your life in one place, wouldn't that be wild? Or even I think about people that are total booze hounds. Like if you could see all of the alcohol. in tanks of what they have... ingested yeah i mean holy lord From my teens, if I could see that in one place, that would be really freaky. And also conversely, how hilarious to see how much alcohol I've had.
Yeah, yours would be like half a bottle of tequila. Well, that was a treat to see Rob Delaney's mug and answer his question, hear his question, answer it, and find out he's had a lot of... Little circles. Oh, that's the other thing is Max and Finn. I was trying to teach them when they were really tiny about shapes. So we called Cheerios circles. And, um, and so for the longest time they called their cereal circles and we had to be like,
It's Cheerios. They're not circles. They're around the world calling them circles. And I guess shreddies would be squares or diamonds. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing? Are you doing another makeup? with her backwards baseball cap on is putting on shiny lip gloss with her middle finger? Get on over to YouTube and get a little peek at this.
pretty how good how good do how good do my lips look right now how good does everything look right now kissable yeah well this is from this is the j-lo beso bomb oh no way i knew something looked real fancy You guys try not to get turned on right now. I'm trying my juicy lips. What makes you decide to do the hat backwards? Can we see the hat forward? Oh yeah. Thank you. A fan gave me this in Phoenix. What does it say? It's the name of my current stand-up tour, Taking Care of Biscuit.
Nice. You know, you should probably have a cat. on um your tour poster making biscuits with their little paws yeah that would be cute because our cats take care of biscuits all the time around. I have these fun tour shirts that say the and hoodies that say this and they're a big hit. People love biscuits. People have biscuits, people have hats. What about taking care of crumpets? taking care of crumpets taking care of crumpets all these beauty products that our podcast has acquired
That's how I've become this beauty influencer. It's changed your life. I have my beauty mask. I didn't want to do that to you guys, but there's a whole mask that I put on. Next time. Next time, please. Guys, what do you have coming up? Well, I am on this. tour and uh hitting a lot of cities that um
A bunch of them. We just announced new ones, but this coming weekend, I'm in Greensboro, North Carolina, Roanoke, Virginia, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, Mulvane, Kansas. Vegas, Knoxville, and Asheville, North Carolina, with a ton more added for the fall. I'll tell you right now that exciting news that I can share is that Apple bought The documentary I produced called Come See Me in the Good Light that follows. Yeah, I'm so.
Excited. So proud. The poets, Andrea Gibson and Meg Fowley. It's just a really beautiful film. It won. The Sundance Film Festival, the... Cleveland Festival, Boulder. But it's just it's done so well. And it's just so exciting that Apple. purchased this and it will be available in the fall. We don't have an actual date yet, but we were able to announce it yesterday. And yeah, it's really exciting.
And then I'm going to be in Eureka Springs, Arkansas on June 14th. And then I will be in P-Town. I'm doing two shows August 23rd. And I just... I don't know if this is announced or not, but I'm doing a benefit. with Emily Saliers from the Indigo Girls. We're going to be in Ojai on May 17th. We love Emily. She's the best. And then, you know, just working on material locally in LA.
When I'm in Toronto, check me out. Tignotaro.com. May 17th, I'm at Largo in LA doing new stuff and with very special guests. And then go to MayMartinMusic.com. And you can, it's so helpful when people buy vinyls of stuff or buy the album or stream the album. I got a music album out called I'm a TV and just random little shows popping up here and there. Nice. Cool. Get our merchandise.
Handsomepod.com. We got some great stuff there. Great new stuff. And let us know what cities we should come to to do more Handsome Live shows. Where should we go? Yeah, wherever we get the most. requests from we'll head directly to you i guess we're going to brazil yeah gladly and um also share your favorite episode with your friends and family and help us build this community and yes please Keep it handsome.
Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you've got a fresh set of watercolors ready to go before heading to the beach.
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