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Savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. this episode of handsome is brought to you by booking.com booking dot yeah every time i use booking.com to find a place to stay in the u.s i know they'll have exactly what i'm looking
They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals. And I'm always able to find something that fits my specific needs. I found that booking.com has something for everyone. My dad, as you may know, is obsessed with So when we travel, he naturally wants to visit any puppet related attraction or museum he can.
Well, there's an amazing marionette theater in L.A. on the east side. So for his next visit, I booked him a vacation rental that's walking distance from the theater. He can go every day if he wants. He can visit to his heart's content. Plus, the vacation rental is so cozy. I'm going to go and hang out there as much as I can and talk about puppets.
No matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find the state that's ridiculously right for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com. Booking dot yeah. It is your friend, Tig Notaro, one of three hosts of the Handsome Podcast. I am also one of the three hosts of this podcast. You know me as Mae Martin. And I'm joined by the third. The third. Handsome pod.
fortune hamster oh yeah i set us up for an awkward intro but what is what is new i actually really liked that one oh i feel like you did something a little different with it i did and i thought i really threw things off it turns out I just nailed it again. Yeah. A little jolt in the morning. Yeah. Nailed it again. I still sound sexy this episode. You sure do. Yeah, you really do. And you're drinking your tea, which clearly doesn't work. No whiskey.
Oh, yeah. I think this is, it would cross over into me being worried if it's 8.45 in the morning, if you had whiskey. It is morning time. So part of it is that I have morning voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My voice is down here. My voice is up here. It is crazy that boys wake up. With boners. That's insane. I don't think we talk enough about that on this pod. No, we don't. We really need to dive into that more. But you know what's really funny is I just...
saying my voice is up here and our housekeeper is cleaning our bedroom and doesn't know I'm recording. And so I'm just in this room. Singing a high pitch. My voice is up here. Any hoodles. Yes. Now tell me this, were you both up this early and going? And would this normally be when you're up and going? Or did you have to set an alarm? for this 8.45 a.m. Handsome recording. As you know, I logged on at 849. I got out of bed at 836. I got into the shower fast. Whoa. Like just a rinse.
Yep. And then I jumped on. Tell us more about it. About the shower? Go into more detail. What else? Did you have a loofah? I didn't loofah. You know, I just used my macho body wash, lathered up the abs first. Just wash the abs. Your macho body wash, is it like that kind of cologne smelling body wash? Yeah, I've graduated. I used to use like Irish spring, like teen boy kind of.
And now I'm using a hinoki and sesame. I think it's a lilabo, but it is like basically cologne smell. I do like the smell of lilabo. It's so good, isn't it? Yeah. But when you go in the... there too much when you go in there? I find it fascinating that men wear a masculine smelling scent and that women wear like flowery smelling scent because you're essentially
You would think it would be the opposite to like lure a woman somewhere would be to smell like flowers. Interesting. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Interesting. That's something I think about all the time, my friends. So my feeling is men should have the flowery scent on them. And not that obviously, it just depends on what your gender and sexuality is and that makes sense for the mix. But I'm talking about just the straightforward...
typical male-female relationship of. Right. Heterosexual men should be wearing feminine scents. Yes. To attract the butterflies. Yes. Interesting. Interesting. I don't wear. When I wear cologne, I have a little travel size thing. That is adorable. Stroking it on your cheek. Do you wear men's cologne, Fortune? Yeah, it's the more masculine smell. Yeah, Mont Blanc, I know. I like that smell. It smells good.
I don't wear anything. Yeah, Tig, you're very sensitive to smells, famously. Yes, famously. I mean, that's what I'm most known for is my sensitive sniffer. You get a headache? yes, but I also just want to like get out of a car if somebody has especially strong perfume um i i or if people are burning incense or something yeah i'm not an incense gal yeah you don't strike me as one no i don't like those old lady perfumes
I don't mind him on an old lady. That's true. Like it fits. Do you remember in the... 90s, I feel like every kind of vintage clothing store was burning Nag Champa, this incense. Oh, I know. Yeah. Record stores, too. I don't know if I'm familiar with it. I'm familiar with the record stores. Yeah, I know. My brother used to light incense all the time. And I was like, this is disgusting. Was he trying to mask?
weed smell do you think or i don't know i think it was during that era of you know nirvana and yeah he was was nirvana incense no it was just like In that, it was just in that world of like grunge and hippie. Yeah, you know that unplugged Nirvana? concert they did with like candles burning everywhere at MTV or something. Yeah, I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't like that album, but go ahead.
Whoa. We have some talking to do. Okay. I feel like that was very incensate. Did you guys notice my sweater? So my new thing is I've decided I'm only going to wear Phantom of the Opera merch. Specifically, ideally 19... 96 or 86 Pantages Theatre in Toronto. So right... Before and right after the grunge era? Yeah, exactly. Sandwiching the grunge era. This is every day? Yeah, this is like a new kind of fixation. I found all these cool vintage t-shirts with Phantom of the Opera.
imagery and then this sweater if you're on YouTube. I wore one in, in feel good too. And I just really, I think if I can find some pants, some Phantom of the Opera pants, I'm good to go. Maybe you could find some Phantom pants. They definitely need your support. Yeah, especially the 1986 production. Yes. Now, I don't get it. Why? Why do they need the support? Because they went away. They're gone.
Why? We got to bring him back. Well, it was 1986. Oh, okay. I don't know if Phantom currently is on Broadway. Isn't it sort of permanently on Broadway? Phantom of the Opera is here. Did you guys ever go to the- Inside your mind. May please let her finish. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Everyone silence. Please. She sings like a bird. I was just seeing how low I could go with this current voice. Yeah, it's pretty low. The Phantom of the Opera is here. Pretty good. You know how the chandelier falls?
in it that that's yeah like that's the big thing everyone's pumped about is like at the end of the first half it looks like the chandelier falls over the audience and everyone clutches there Pearls. I never saw it. Are you guys into Broadway music? I know we've talked on the pod about. having the opportunity to maybe be in Chicago with Pamela Anderson. Did you say the opportunity? I love Broadway musicals so much. I love Chicago and I love...
Greece, but there's a lot that I don't love. I love so many. So many of them. Really? The sun will come out again. Oh, I do love. Yeah, you're a housekeeper. When I went to New York, I used to go see multiple shows. I don't do it as much anymore because Jax doesn't like Broadway musicals. Wait, did you say when you were in New York or when you lived there? I never lived there, but when I would visit.
would you ever live there like for a short in short chunks like for a project but i don't want to live there live there yeah you don't strike me as it's too crazy it's like too fast-paced Move it, buddy. Yeah. That was good. Thank you. That took me there. Yeah, I feel the same. Have you guys lived there? I couldn't. I'm the same, which is crazy. I just feel like it's too overwhelming.
I lived there one time. I was in Brooklyn. I rented my friend's apartment for a couple of months, and I didn't realize at the time that I was doing that to... a relationship i was in really why am i in another city that you were currently in yeah and and i was just i like i didn't know how to get out of the relationship and so it took me a while i think somebody pointed it out to me they were like
Why did you do that? Feels like you're running from something. Yeah. And then that ended when I got back. And then I worked on a TV show. Did you see shows while you were there? Did you see Broadway shows?
no i was just doing stand-up and then when i was working on a tv show i was just working and yeah you know i love at the intermission when you get a little ice cream and you look at your program and you're so sad if there's an understudy oh my god you're like yeah oh for fuck's sake oh poor understudies i know right
Did I talk about this? In London, I went to see a play with Cate Blanchett in the lead because my friend was in it and got me a ticket and it was... incredible and then like to see cate blanchett on stage being so cate blanchett i mean she was being a character but yeah she's blanchett And then I had a little ice cream at the intermesh. And as the lights were going down again, I thought, I guess it's pretty good, this ice cream. I don't know. It's kind of weird.
It was vegan ice cream. So it tasted like vanilla. And as you know, I'm allergic to coconut. So as the lights are going down, I'm like, fuck. It was a really intense play. There's no good moment to get up and shuffle out. And I was not well in my stomach. Oh, my God. So I couldn't go to the stage door and see my... Talented friend. I had to run back to my hotel. And what happens? Do you have toilet time? Yeah, it's not pretty yet. I went and saw Sarah Paulson in her...
play on Broadway last year. I bet she's amazing. Oh, she's incredible in everything she does. But what was really wild was Woody Allen and what's her name? Soigny were there. What? Yeah. That is bizarre. And what was even crazier was I was meeting, you know, the comedian Gary Gullman. Yeah. I was meeting him there to go see it. And he texted me that they're there. And it was so crazy because the play references.
incest and molestation. What? Yeah. Why did they go? I don't know. Maybe because he's like... It's his passion. Or he's just like firmly... I didn't do it. So why would that bother me? you know what i mean or maybe he didn't know it was in the maybe he didn't know that was part of the story i don't know but i it was already like whoa woody allen is here did everyone turn and look at him
I don't know. I didn't see him. And I'm assuming Gary wasn't lying to me because he's a pretty straightforward guy. Yeah, and that would be a really toxic lie. Really weird. Be a real curveball with Gary. But then we were, like, nudging each other as all those different references happened through the play. We were like, oh, my gosh. Wow. Yeah. It was really. It's weird when you see a celebrity watching.
a movie or a play like it's just weird to see them consuming have you seen it before no i've never seen it actually actually um helena bottom carter was at the kate blanchett play i saw her like wacky hair that's nice i saw before i knew amanda clutes yeah um she was at this taping that was just like It was this huge celebration of Paul Simon. Right. Like Stevie Wonder was there and all sorts of people. But Amanda was there with, and I'm forgetting his name, but he's from...
I'm forgetting the TV show. He did the New Jersey movie. Pete Davidson. No. Pete Davidson. There with Pete Davidson. I don't know. I can't remember. Scrubs. The guy from Scrubs. Oh. Oh, Zach Braff. Zach Braff. Good buddies. Yeah, they're good friends. And they were sitting like a row in front of me off to the left. And I was like, oh, there's that.
I'm in Amanda Kloots and then that guy from the Jersey movie. But I was watching them just bounce around and go nuts. Listening to the concert? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you were not bouncing around like them? I am not a bouncer. Yeah.
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Well, you know, after everything that she went through in 2020, I was always very I followed her story very closely and I was so intrigued by her and the process that she went through and just specific to her. And then I just naturally met her. Yeah, I followed her story, too, and then met her through you, I believe.
yeah knowing her and listening to the pod she's awesome anyway so i but it was i when i saw her it was nice to see her having a great night out i was like oh my gosh there she is and she's enjoying herself and it was such a a nice feeling to see her happy and yeah and uh jamming out to paul simon that's the best when you're at a concert and you just like love the music and the singer and you just In the zone, having the best time. Yeah, have you ever gone by yourself to a concert and danced?
I have gone to concerts by myself. I went by myself. I went and saw the Indigo Girls in Houston. It's nice to be on your own. Yeah. I only went because none of my friends at the time knew who the Indigo Girls were. Blasphemous. I know. You didn't have one lesbian friend in Houston? I didn't even know I was a lesbian friend. Oh, gotcha. Early days. I had seen them on, what was that show on MTV?
That's also where I saw Nirvana. I went to Third Eye Blind by myself and I ended up hugging this stranger and he was telling me his life story. And then we like had our arms around each other singing. I wish you would step out from that ledge, my friend. It was really nice. That was like the ultimate teen song. Oh, yeah. So good. Speaking of which, my friend.
One of my best, oldest friends from when I was 13, I always thought had deleted and taped over. We had hours of camcorder footage of us at 13, 14. Oh, amazing. Yeah, like jumping in fountains and malls and being... really obnoxious yeah being friends and then she uh she found it and she just sent me some of the clips yesterday and I am insufferable I'm like always smoking a cigarette and thinking it's so cool and i keep yeah yeah like these videos are like 13 to 16 probably and so
I'm dark in some of them and I'm really I'm like talking about smoking the whole time like being like I love cigarettes It's so crazy. But I have some good lines. Like at one point I go, and I'm not trying to be funny. I'm trying to be like poetic and dark. Of course. Filming myself in the dark smoking and I go. Well, I'm from Toronto, born and raised. I'm 13. I got from Toronto.
Born and raised, which is what they say about cattle before they kill it. That's what I said. And I could tell I thought I stumbled on some real poetry. And were you a vegetarian or anything? No. No. Thinking and feeling deeply. Feeling deeply. In the deep darkness. And we're getting a visitor here on camera. Oh, yes. Here we go. He's being squirrely because I think Jax must be making breakfast.
He has his arm up around Fortune's neck. He got a haircut. It looks gorgeous. Yeah, he did. He had a little teddy bear. Yes, he did. He heard me talking and said, is that my friend? Mm-hmm. Yes. Looking good, Biggie. And what does Biggie have for breakfast? Just like French toast, cinnamon toast. He has a sensitive stomach kibble. And we have a little chicken-flavored topper that goes on it. He has sensitive stomach kibble. Yeah, because he has a sensitive stomach.
I figured. And then we put a probiotic in the morning in there. Look at his face while she's explaining all this. That is the best. Go on. Just really look at his face. Every couple weeks or so, we'll open a can of like sardines or mackerel. And that is like... the greatest thing of his life you gotta see him right now oh my god drop what you're doing and head on over to the yt
Oh my Lord. Yeah. Yes. His haircut. I like the look. Yeah. It's really good. Who does his hair? It's called a teddy bear cut. Fluff has the teddy bear cut right now. I call her a fluffy bear right now. He must spell eggs because he's a sucker for eggs. Oh, he likes eggs. Yeah, if we make some, we'll sprinkle a little on his food sometimes. How does he like his eggs in the morning? Okay. Wait, what are you talking about? What is it? Come on.
I'm freaking out. How do you like your eggs in the morning? We heard you the first time, then what's the rest of the song? Are you serious? Wait, wait, wait. Sing it one more time. Sing it one more time, then maybe it'll sound familiar. You guess what the next line is. It's famous. Thomas, I bet, knows this. Nope. Thomas is shaking his head. What is happening? Sing it again, Mae. How do you like your eggs in the morning? Yep. Don't know it. Okay, next line. I like mine with a kiss.
Who sings this? Are you kidding? Nobody knows this? If we were kidding. Boiled or fried. I'm satisfied. Boiled or fried. As long as I get my kiss. I don't know this song. Am I being pranked right now? And I actually know a lot of songs. I do too. I thought this was like an old standard. Who sings it? I have no idea. Well, now we've got a Google. Dean Martin.
Dean Martin. Oh, okay. Truth be told, I don't know a lot of Dean Martin songs. Yeah. Thank you for being honest about that. You're welcome. Yeah. I didn't want to be dishonest. But Mae, if you could sing it one more time. How do you like your eggs in the morning? Again, my housekeeper. I don't like a mold and fry to put in my mouth. I'm hungry. You want that?
Yeah. So you do know it. Classic crooner. Wow. That's crazy to me. That to me is like not knowing New York, New York. Really? I don't think they're the same. Really? I thought it was like. New York, New York's pretty famous. I wonder if, I can't remember if it's a duet. The Dean Martin one, like if the girl answers. I like my eggs really nice. I like my eggs scrambled and I'm probably making them because it's the 50s and this is my job. But it's also.
a romantic song about somebody who's going to be spending the night. Yes, that's true. That was the thing. There was a lot of innuendos. You didn't realize that, May? All those times you sang it? No, I guess you're right. In my mind, he's singing it in the morning, but you're right. But he's singing it at night. In advance. He's saying to his mistress, How do you like your eggs in the morning? in the morning. I like my eggs scrambled around.
oh my god wait i'm gonna have sex with you tonight and tomorrow you're gonna make me eggs yeah or tomorrow my wife will make you eggs What a time to be alive in the 50s. I know. Well, that was around the same time as I Really Can't Stay. Or even now. Baby, it's cold outside. A similar vibe to that song. Yeah. Kind of creepy. I really can't stay. I have to make eggs in the morning. The baby is cold outside. Did you ever use that excuse with someone?
in la yeah it's so cold outside you probably should stay it's sweater weather and you're just padding the other side of your bed yeah it's too cold Dean Martin, he was in a movie with Marilyn Monroe and they hated each other. I forget what it was called. Anyway. What a tidbit. Just sorry. The ghost of Marilyn Monroe just whispered in my ear, make sure you say the thing about how I hated him. Oh, yeah. Wasn't that on an episode where she beamed in? An orb. Yes, she beamed in as an...
We said, yeah, that was, I don't know what we were saying. I don't know, but she did beam in. Yeah. She's my number one. Like my. Yeah. She's my number one. Number one. I said that so seriously. Would you sing to her? How would you like your eggs in the morning? Yeah. And she'd be like.
happy birthday that's all she's saying that's all that's her response to everything is she your type like would you date Marilyn Monroe she's like curvaceous she's like twinkle in the eye as we discussed on the Bon Iver. episode, I like a twinkle in the eye. Yeah. So that's my type. You don't care about intelligence? Bon Iver and Marilyn Monroe, two peas in a pod. Yes. No, I care about intelligence. That's where the twinkle comes from, partly. Oh, okay.
Marilyn was very clever. Was she? Yeah. I think so. I don't know. She went back to... drama school before she died she was like gonna be i mean she was the movie she did before she died the misfit She's incredible in that movie and you just see, fuck, she was... going to be amazing and she was breaking out of The image that she'd created in that character.
Yeah, and then that's what we remember. Is Marilyn? Yes, it is. Happy birthday. I'm closing my eyes. Is this the ghost of Marilyn? It's Marilyn's orb. Happy birthday. I'm closing my eyes and it sounds kind of like Cartman from South Park. Should we... Should we get our question asker? Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do it. Today's question asker is an Australian actress, comedian, and producer.
who achieved worldwide renown with her appearance in Bridesmaids. Then she went on to star in films like, isn't it romantic? The Hustle and Jojo Rabbit. She stars in the upcoming action comedy film, Bride Hard. And you can't forget her from all the Pitch Perfect movies. her real big, big breakout role. Rebel Wilson is asking today's question. Hi, Hansons. It's Rebel Wilson here.
I mean, what can I ask you? There's lots. Like, if we were sitting down right now... just love to just like chat about so many things um about the business but fortunately instead like to ask one question so i mean i mean the political side of me wants to ask like what's your stance on guns in america but no that's probably not a fun conversation okay i'm gonna ask you something Very random. Because you're all very successful, are you investing? So what kind of investments are you into?
you know, filled up your money that you worked so hard to get. I'm just curious about that. I'm glad she didn't ask about guns in America because I know we all have very different stances. I think everyone should have them. Just kidding. Do you think that my Australian accent sounds like rebels? You know what? It wasn't far off. No. It's a nice question. And I don't know how it is that every episode we have an Australian. You think you're Australian listeners.
Or pissed. Or have had it with us. I mean, but how is it that every episode? I don't know, Teague. I know. It's insane. It just happens. I think when you're able to do a very good Australian exit, that's what happens. Oh, man. I do wonder if we've upset people. Do they enjoy it?
hopefully they appreciate the effort and that's a slippery slope once you start wondering if we've upset people then you're like oh god what about and then everyone's like we're all upset we're all we were upset about this and i don't like that Apologies for all of the things you don't like. upset you we'll change every single thing we're gonna make every adjustment to make everybody we're not gonna stop until every single listener is 100 yes
We're going to rerecord. Everyone has to agree on everything that we say or do. We all three. Well, first of all, even if we're two against one. Like it or not, we still agree with each other. Yeah. But yeah, it's hard to make everybody happy. But I certainly hope that people have a sense of humor about Rise Up Light.
Yeah, he's a light. Yeah, yeah. And everything else, because all of it is for a good old time. Silly times. It's just silly times. What do you think would happen if we went into chat GPT or one of those? things and said, write an episode of the handsome podcast. Oh. Because they've analyzed. Yeah. Every episode and do it in our voice, I think. Yeah. And then will they record for us the next episode?
Oh, then we'll read our lines. Yeah. We'll do an AI episode. Oh, yeah. Like, I'm curious what that would be like. Oh, my gosh. That would be insane. investments. Yeah, I you know, what first came to mind was, I'm sure whether it's been on this show or others, I've shared about How my stepfather was not terribly supportive of me. He didn't quite get me. And then after my mother died.
When we left her funeral, he said this thing, which I thought was incredible. He apologized for not being supportive. And he said, I realize now. Because he wanted me to go into business or something. He just did not get what I was doing.
And he said, you know, I'm realizing that it's not the child's responsibility to teach the parent who they are it's the parent's responsibility to learn who their child is yeah and he said and i didn't do that and i'm sorry and it was so touching that he came to that himself And then what was even more touching was years later when I had my own children, he and I were, my mother had died and he and I were driving somewhere when I was visiting him in Texas.
And he said, Tig, I wanted to ask you something and see if you approved. And I said, OK. And he said. I wanted to start college funds for Max and Finn. And I said, yeah. And I said, oh, I said, yeah, I'm OK with that. And he said, but. that I looked into different types of college funds. And I chose the one that... they wouldn't have to use for a four-year college. They could use it for that, but they could also use it
if they wanted to become a Mason or they wanted to go to art school. Oh, nice. Oh, man, that's so nice. Yeah, he was acknowledging that not everybody is taking the path that he believes they should take. Right. And it was so... touching to me. That's really beautiful. Yeah. And so before he died, he started these college funds. And so every year, Stephanie and I can continue to contribute to that and so nice yeah that's really cool yeah so that's that's something that's beautiful yeah when I was
heavily involved with a woman and her small person. I had just opened a college fund for that small person. When I got dumped. So the college fund's going to me. I'm sending myself to college. Oh, really? I don't know how that works. So you can just like... I just closed it. Yeah. Yeah. I'd opened like a, anyway, maybe cut that out. I'll leave it in. My dermatologist let me in on a skincare secret. that she tells all her clients, ditch cotton pillowcases for blissies.
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I got the expandable carry-on hardshell suitcase, and it comes in a ton of different colors. And the expandability is very, very useful, whether you're packing light or trying to pack all your many souvenirs. And now I'm kind of eyeing this. Because, you know, I love to be color coordinated when I travel. For your next trip, treat yourself to the luxe upgrades you deserve from Quince. Go to quince.com slash handsome.
for 365 day returns, plus free shipping on your order. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash handsome to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash handsome. Yeah, my grandmother wanted to do things like that. Like she would give us like bonds and stuff. And when you're a kid, you're like, what's this? I can't. I can't use this now. They bummed me out and she would give us stamps to collect and coins. Stamp collecting used to be like a legitimate way to save money, right?
And I have the same birthday as Princess Diana, so she would give me all this. Congrats. Wow, that makes a lot of sense. That explains a lot. And so I have all these random Princess Diana memorabilia. My grandmother just always thought like, oh, this stuff you need to collect and one day it'll be worth money. I mean, maybe that would be now. Do you still have it?
Probably some of it's back at my mom's place and who knows where it is there. So she like believed in all that stuff. But with that being said. She was not great with money. And I would say my mom didn't pick up on being great with it either. It was just a lot of my family used to have money a long, long time ago. My grandfather was... a very well-to-do contractor, and he built houses and buildings and schools all over North Carolina.
Very successful. Died unexpectedly at like age 50 or something like that. And my grandmother had to take over everything. And just. Spent it all. Just went shopping. She just made bad decisions. Oh, damn. Like they had a hardware business that she didn't like. She should have filed bankruptcy and she tried to pay all the debt. It was just like. She came from a place of good-hearted, helping people, sending people to college. Mm-hmm.
And then by the time I got here, there was no money. Everything was gone. with people who knew what it was like to have money at one point and had no money god that's so frustrating as a kid to have people constantly like we used to have a lot of money and here is your bond and your stamp happy birthday So it was very important to me as I got older that I did not make those same mistakes. So I didn't know what to do. I've had to learn as I've gone.
I am really proud. That's probably one of the things I'm most proud of in my career. is having gotten so much more knowledgeable about business. and money and how to save it and how to make money, make money. I never thought being a comedian that that would be required of me as well. And it's been tricky also learning it because I hate math. But, you know, I just don't want to make the mistake.
that were made prior because I saw how it can go away and you don't think it will and how could it? And it can. So I really try to be smart with them. You know, I have obviously I'm lucky to have a nice life. Part of that is because I don't have kids. Wait, I'm having a nice life over here. I know, but I can spend a little bit more on trips and stuff. Things that parents, I find, do a little bit more sparingly. And just, yeah, try to invest in things. But it is scary, though.
The stock market is so scary to me. This is what I don't get. Do you have knowledge of that, the stock market? I do. I will say that part of the business, I have to trust someone else. with my money and that is nerve-wracking to me yeah yeah because for many years i did not invest and i was like i don't want to be one of those people that gets
Screwed over by a business person or a investment person. I was so nervous. I still get nervous. Yeah. But you're so you're you're in this. I'm in this. Yeah. Wow. Like. It doesn't make sense to me, and it scares me. It feels so... It is very scary. Yeah, and then it could crash. I invest pretty conservatively, though. Yeah, that's what people say to do. And you invest...
You don't invest me. No, no, I'm too, I'm, I'm my, I guess my family also not great with money. Like just like always rented my parents. never bought a house till their 50s I think and um my grandma actually but that was a wake-up call like when I moved to England my grandma got sick the agent The agent, yeah. And she was with the problem area. I forgot it was your grandmother who had quite the problem area. God, that was from early days. That was the first ever episode. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, seeing her at the end of her life, and she lived a great, wild, fun life, and she never owned property. She made a lot of money as an agent, but she just lived. a luxurious lifestyle and then near the end of her life that was scary because she you know she's she got sick she had to go and you know into a home that was expensive like she was renting she had to move into yeah like she just was panicked all the time about money and so i was like okay i don't want i don't want that
But I haven't done anything about it. But I love buying the house was a big deal. That's quite an investment. Yeah, that's a good investment. I have a scarcity mentality, though, so I like to see... My money in my account. I got to get over that. I got to. Well, if you talk to any business person, they will say you shouldn't have just like money just sitting there doing nothing. Yeah. That's like your basic business thing.
I have a saving, like a high interest savings account. I was about to say, if you don't want to go to Star Mart, I mean... as far as investing in the things that go up and down, do like a money market at the very least. What's that? Oh my God, I'm picturing you as somebody managing my money and you're like, as far as the things that go up and down. the technical top the that's the level i need to explain yeah yeah your money's in there for like a certain amount of time
and you can't get it out, and it gets some interest over time. It's not as... high of the return as like in the stock market but it's not volatile like going up and down yeah i mean some people are like day trading at home right like they're sort of become... Bless you. Oh my god, Biggie just sneezed. Blessings to Biggie. Blessings to Biggie. Can we please...
isolate that sound and crank the volume and just play it back. That was the cutest sound I've ever heard. Yeah. Pepper it through the whole episode. Yeah. Oh man. From there on out. I'm going to text Jax that he needs to go out. He needs a tissue. He sneezes, and that means he has to. Well, he just means squirrely. That usually means something. But you've got to text Jax.
Like he won't go out by himself? Well, I'm upstairs. Oh, is it? Wow, I pictured you downstairs all of these years. Did you really? I did. He can't open this door and then... He can't go down the stairs, but then he can't open the next door. Wait, he can't go down the stairs by himself? No, he can't. Oh, I was like, okay, this is spoiled. He can't open the door to go outside. That he would wait to be carried up and down the stairs. We do carry him up and down a lot.
i have stephanie carry me up and down the stairs do you really no Oh, I would love to see that. But yeah, for years I didn't do anything. And listen, when I was coming up, my parents did not have the luxury. of investing a dime um every every cent that came in went right back out and we were actually in a lot of debt my childhood was spent with creditors calling it 8 in the morning every day. Rise and shine.
But if you have a little something, if you can, try to have that money making interest. Otherwise, it literally loses its value sitting there. Are you going to do anything about that, Mae? Well... You'll come around to it. You came around to, you know, saving your money and getting a house. Yeah. I mean, ask about a money market or something like that. Something that's like low, low, low, low, low, low risk.
Some of them are like you can't touch it for a year, but you'll make something off of it. What kind of percentage are we talking? I mean, it's not a high percentage, but it's more. Making money versus... losing value yeah when i was in england someone convinced me to invest in like a retirement fund that i can't touch till i'm i i don't know 60 i guess i should know but i don't know so i put some
Right. I put some money in there and now I'm so mad about it because it's just in some British retirement fund. And I'm scared I'm going to forget about it. Like, how do I know? You're not going to forget. Really? No. I will say, if you are going to invest more, what's the word, not aggressively, but more... Whatever that word is. Boldly. Your retirement is what usually is the thing that people invest more boldly. Because...
The idea is you don't want to touch a retirement like a SEP IRA. You know about like an IRA, SEP IRA, things like that? No. Okay. So when you make money. There's a chunk of it that you can put in an IRA or a SEP IRA, depends on how much money you've made in the year. And that money you're not taxed on. It goes into this account.
but you can't touch it for like 20 years or something. Okay. Yeah, that's like what I did in England. Yeah, and you can invest that more aggressively because for 20 years, the market is going to go up and down. Right. But you just, the whole point is that you don't look at it. You have to ride the wave. Ride the wave. See, that I like. But you want to invest in these things. You want to put money into these things because you're not paying taxes on them. Yeah. Okay, we got to go for dinner.
I would like Fortune to be my business manager. I mean, listen, there's so much I don't know. And there could be a business person right now being like, that's right. But, you know, there could be parts of it I have a little off. To interpret the question more broadly, even I think investing in our health is the best thing we can do. And that was another thing I learned. Now that I need to invest in. Like with my grandma too, I learned that lesson too. I was like, I mean, not that.
I mean, she was pretty healthy. Well, you know what they say is you don't want to be the richest person in the graveyard. Hey, I love that. I mean, but truly it's like, yeah, you want to invest in yourself and your health. Yeah. And your brain. All of it. Yeah. Well, now that I got the sauna, I'm going to live forever. I just, it's heating up right now.
that's a good investment right because i'll take it to another if i ever move i'll take it with me it's like a couple grand did you have to have like a specific like a plug or something or something. put out there to run? Good question. I had a guy install it. Yeah. It's like, it's electrical. So they ran a line from the house. So what is the heat coming from? You don't have like a pile of coals in there or anything. It's like a radiator with some coals on it. Oh, okay. So you do. Yeah. Okay.
cedar wood and it smells like nice wood and it's like it gets hot so quick and um and it's on a timer so it won't stay on by accident and yeah I think I'm gonna go right it's heating up right now Nice. So you haven't done one this morning because you were... You were sleeping and then you took your little shower and then... I took my shower and then I'm going to, after this, get in the sauna, then cold. Shower. Are you going to wear your Phantom of the Opera shirt in the...
What do you wear in the sauna? Are you just full-blown naked? Good question. Thank you. Thank you, Fortune. I wear boxers usually or a bathing suit, but I could go in the nude. I mean, it's my... The nude. In the nude. I'm gonna go in the... Do you wear a banana hammock? Oh, my God, I should wear a Speedo. And start wearing a Speedo in there. Should we hear Rebel's answer? I think I've been quite smart with my money coming up.
as a comedian and actress in Australia and in America and bought properties around the world and done quite well in selling them after a certain amount of time. And then only more recently have I gotten into the stock market and listened to podcasts and I... Learn about stocks and just like basic stuff like the simple S&P 500 and I'm learning I'm still like a novice, but yeah, hope everyone's being and actually smart out there this might be the dumbest question ever but um
Yeah. No, I liked that. I like that question. And I feel like it took us in such a different direction. Yeah. But yeah, it sounds like she's kind of doing what you're doing, Fortune, is trying to... learn the the money ropes do you listen to podcasts podcasts about it about it no i mean there's so much i don't know that i but i don't also really want to I'm not trying to be like a businessman person. I just know it's not something people talk to.
us about. That's true. That's true. And it's not something that is expected for us to know. And I just think it's so important because even just the basic knowledge of it, the... the minimum things that you can do to just help build money. Even starting with, you know, when I moved to LA, I had $25 in my pocket. So it's not like I'm coming from a place of like, oh, I just invested my family.
You know, a million dollars they gave me. No, it's like I started from $25 here. And, you know. And you have how much now? So much now. But like my first house I bought, like May, I bought a first house. I did not buy it as an investment. I bought it because... I wanted my own home. I wanted like a place to call mine. It was this cute house, 1600 square feet. And I love that house. Loved it. I lived there for over 10 years and ended up.
selling it and doing very well on it but that was never my intention um but stuff like that if you know you buy something and that you love and put time in in it. And, you know, sometimes that can pay off too. It's true. Yes, Mae? Well, I was going to say we should acknowledge like... how hard it is for this younger generation like that with the cost of living is going crazy and like our our parents you know just yeah yeah yeah fucking that's for sure gotten very difficult to buy a home
But you can buy a stamp. And if you learned one thing from this podcast. Invest in Princess Diana. Invest in stamps and Princess Diana coins. I can't believe that you have a birthday with Princess Diana. And now the stamps, before we wrap up here, the stamps that Your grandmother got you of Princess Diana. Are they the ones that you buy off of TV? Probably. Okay. My grandmother, again, not the smartest with money, would...
Do you remember the publisher's clearinghouse thing? Yes. She would buy all these cassette tapes because it would help you like... get a draw your name in a raffle to try to win money and for that she was always buying stuff like that i see now you're just wasting money actually have you guys ever been into the lottery do you buy lottery tickets I don't. I will like once in a blue moon, but it does just feel like I'm burning money every time I do it. Right. Burning $3.
Anywhere from a dollar each to $20. Oh, I see. Depending on what you buy. I've been with friends where they're like, let's buy lottery tickets. I'm like, yeah, sure. But it never crossed. Scratch off ones are fun. I don't like those. I don't like. using a coin to scrape that weird metal stuff like this I hate that like i don't think i really realized it until this moment i hate that yeah great
Yeah. Metallic stuff. You script. I actually didn't realize either until you said it. No, I'm like, thank you for saying that. Absolutely. Thomas is nodding. Fortune, are you on board? Yeah, I hate that gray stuff, but I do like to win. The worst is people will give those as presents. And you do hear those stories every now and then.
They gave it as a present and won like $2 million. One of the things won $2 million. And now the people are fighting over who gets it because they're like, we bought it. They're like, you gave it. It's a whole mess. There should be a rule about that. Yeah, what is the legality of that? If you give it away, you gave it. I think you give it away. It's not yours anymore. Right, right, right. That is silly.
All right. Well, that was fun and different and interesting. Thank you to Rebel Wilson for that question. Thank you. Absolutely. And everyone, if you can be smart with your money and make the choices because it can go away, but also enjoy your life. Yeah, you got to find the happy medium. The happy medium is where it's at for sure. Yeah, for sure. What do you guys got coming up? Well, I'm on the road like a crazy person now. Yeah.
I am in my new Taking Care Biscuits tour, all new material. So if you saw my last special, this is brand new. This weekend I'll be in, or tomorrow I'll be in Rockford, Illinois. And Columbus, Ohio. Rockford, Illinois is where Natasha Leggero is from. Oh, really? I didn't know that. Yeah, now you know. Yeah, I'm going to be at the Hard Rock on Wednesday night. Columbus, Ohio, Greensboro, North Carolina, Roanoke, Baltimore. Minneapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City.
And Vegas are coming up and tons more cities just got added. Well, I also want to mention that the documentary that I produced, Come See Me in the Good Light, about Andrea Gibson and Meg Fowley, two incredible poets. It's going to be hitting the and has already started hitting the festival circuit. And so really check that out because this movie is not to be missed. It will be available.
further down the line this year on a streamer, but I'll announce that later. But for sure, go see this in a theater if you can. It is so powerful. And as far as stand up, I'm going to be June 14th. I'll be in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, August 23rd. P-Town. And then go to tignotaro.com for all of my dates and local shows in Los Angeles and Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. I am April 25th at Largo in LA.
And I think announcing some new music shows coming up. So check out maymartinmusic.com. And there's cool, I've got a very cool merch on there as well. And you can buy my vinyl album, which really helps. Nice. Or listen to it on Spotify. The album's called I'm a TV. that's it great can i ask real quick how did you come up with i am a tv well my friend recently asked me does it stand for i'm a transvestite and i was like nope but who asked you that my friend um
I don't know. It's a lyric in one of the songs. And it's like, I guess in my head it was about like how we all are so full of like other people's projections and static electricity and all the noise of our culture. Anyway, whatever. Titles are hard. And that's why you wear your hat now with the... The tinfoil hat. Yeah. You're no fool. You need to get a tinfoil Phantom of the Opera face, too. There's a lot I gotta get. The Phantom of the Opera is there.
Okay, Fortune, we have your headshot and resume. We will be in touch. Let me know if I get the part. Okay. Happy birthday to you. I can also be Marilyn Monroe in The Phantom. You're going to get May going. Yeah. Well, please share this episode or an episode that you like with your friends and loved ones and help us build the handsome community. You guys are awesome. Thank you for listening. Oh, and thank you to everyone who came to our live shows. Yes. Off the charts. Oh, my God. Incredible.
Off the charts. Off the charts. Such a cool thing to get to do. Yes. Hopefully we'll have some more of those live shows coming up and some streamers. Oh, and I believe that the link for the Austin show is still up right now. You can still get it until this. it's available until this weekend so if you missed So fun. So funny. Buy the link. Talk about a good investment. Yeah. It lasts a week. You can go to our Instagram page and it'll have the link.
to get that and you'll have it through the weekend. All right. All that remains. Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.
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