Pretty Little Episode #73

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

pretty little episode hello handsome pods pretty little episode i'm fortune fiendster i'm may martin hello hello may I don't know if you want to start off the bat with this, but we also have a special guest today. Oh, my God. This is huge. It's Biggie Bear. It's Biggie Boy. Go to YouTube. Look at this angel. who's back in your arms he's the best i haven't seen him for a little bit and we're reunited and it feels so good what was the reunion like um he was since it's been a minute he you know he

Kind of out of sight, out of mind kind of guy. Not going to lie. Not going to pretend. In his heart. But he was like that when we would take him to a sitter or something. Right. Whoever's feeding him has his heart, you know? And, but as soon as I got home with him, I, he was like running around and. like pumping my arm and right yeah i'm like he's back baby back and he's horny well i can't i can't wait to see him hopefully soon i know he like snuggled up to me

He's the best like cuddle buddy to sleep with. Yeah, he is. I bet. Little, but he just like snugs up against you real sweet. Yeah. And I always, people ask me about Biggie a lot. Oh, really? all the time and i always say you know he's he's more solid than you'd expect his little legs like he's you can hug him he's like yeah he's not a fragile boy he's nine pounds but he's

A sturdy boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is getting older, though. He only has four teeth now. Oh, my God. Is it two on top, two on the bottom? Yeah, his like little, the long pointy ones, those are the only ones he has. Oh man, it would be bad if it was like three on top, one on the bottom. It's so weird to look into his mouth because...

He used to, this has only been in the last like year and a half that he's started losing all his teeth. We had to get him some pulled, but, but I guess it's like common with Pomeranians and he's. 11 or 12 now we're not sure yeah he's older it's crazy that we lose our teeth as a kid and then again when we're old but he's full of spunk oh debatable

He's not dead eyes. You stop. No, he's not. I've never thought he was. There's always been a twinkle. He's like Santa Claus. Take and suck it. He's not dead eyes. I have my friend Joe visiting from England. I've put this bed, this sofa that is always in the background. It pulls out into a beautiful bed. And it's so nice to have my buddy here. Oh, that's great. So you got a full house. You got your house guests in the back. Yeah.

And I got here and I saw that you have a new car. I mean, this is huge. This is, you know, on the main pod, I'm sure by now we will have talked about it. But yeah, we are currently recording like a week after I got.

my my car and i don't even have my license yet i and i wasn't able to test drive it because my my i'd have someone else test drive it because um oh yeah yeah you need insurance but i can drive with a with a licensed california driver in the car okay so now i'm uh i'm driving every day i drove today to the reservoir walked around doesn't it feel more like you have more independence it's like

Such a confidence booster. I feel so much happier. I love it. Cause you were like loading groceries and I'm like, look at that. That would be such a pain in the ass in an Uber. It's I know. And, but I do have to. I didn't realize I narrate as I drive to soothe myself. So I'm going, well, I'm approaching a red light and...

Behind me, it's, you know, it's his problem to slow down because I'm focusing ahead and these rules are in place to keep us safe. Like I really have to, but I went on for my lesson today. I went on the highway half an hour there. And then half an hour back. So I'm getting more confident. I can't wait to drive you somewhere. I love that you're starting the new year. New you.

Yes. That's the vibe. Fucking get rid of the year of the snake. Bring on the year of the horse. It's a new year for you, baby. Yeah. I'm really into the year of the horse. Yeah. Yeah. am i right do we know anything about what that means you're the you're the horse uh yeah it's like forward motion stability purpose um this year was all about like shedding and the darkness and yeah yeah and i guess big dicks because horses have big dicks okay that's i'm reading that into it

And I'm going to be getting some B. Oh, my God. Well, New Year, New Year. It's going to be onward and upward moments. Yeah, I can't wait. Yeah. Do you think I should put stickers on my car that say like new driver? I mean, I listen, people have a different opinion of this and some of our handsome listeners.

They might have our own handsome sticker on their car. Yeah. I don't put stickers on my car usually because I'm doing a lease. Yeah, I'm doing a lease. And I don't know how tough it is to get stickers off. That's a really good point. Yeah, that's true. Okay, yeah. My mom's old car had stickers all over the back of it, and I was like, I don't know about this.

Yeah. Okay. I'm going to keep it, but it is, it's going to be my little world and my little pod. I can't wait. I'm going to like, I got to hang something from the mirror. Well, yeah, you can hang something from the mirror. It might be easier if you put a sticker on the. window part that might come off easier that's true baby on board or something baby on board baby's first car yeah or um year of the horse I think there is a sticker that says something like new driver. Yeah.

be careful or something oh but in LA that would just that would like incite their rage like they'd be like get out of the way yeah the amount of times I've been honked at like when I'm in the drive the driving school is like learner vehicle that's covered in driving school learner and yeah just because i'm not going above the speed limit people are people are very impatient they really are you're gonna be great i love this for you i'm very very happy for

uh this next big step well i'm hope i mean by yeah by the time this comes out hopefully i'll have my license it's i've really talked it up so much that I have to just say I'm getting my license. If I fail, I'm going to be really bummed. I think you will because now you have a car in your mode and you see how nice it is to be able to do things for yourself in this way. I think it will motivate you. Yeah, I can drive.

people around. But one thing I cannot tolerate and will never have is any music in the car. Really? No, I can't have that. No, no, no. I cannot think of any noise going on. Pretty much. Yeah. I need silence. Well, you're going to get more comfortable driving and then your next phase will be getting so comfortable that you can... take someone on a date oh my lord and drop them off and have that moment where the car pulls up and you stop and you're saying well this is me and i go well yeah

I remember back in the day in my early 30s, one of my favorite things to do would be to go on dates and smooch in the car after. Oh, it's the best. It's the best. A car smooch is... Really nice. I even have that feeling when a friend drops me off somewhere and they, and it's nighttime after dinner and they drop me off and the car stops outside of my house. There's like a pregnant pause and I'm like, it feels like we should kiss.

Now all your friends are going to be like, why haven't you kissed me? If you were thinking about it, why don't you just do it? I know. Listen, should we hear what our listeners want to know? Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it.

Hello, handsome. My name is Mariana. I'm a first-time caller, forever listener. I'm from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, and I will see May when they're here to perform their stand-up. May, I think you'll find, as you know, Ottawa is better than Toronto. Recently, you guys were talking and Tig said that she walks around without a lid on her coffee. And May said, isn't it super bold and cool when people dare to wander around with their kitchen mug? And I thought, oh, God, I have never felt.

better about myself because May thinks I'm super cool. So my question is, what's something that you think is so cool and bold and confident when other people do it, but you can't pull it off yourself? Oh, I have a list. A mile long. Thank you for that question. And I do stand by that. Anyone who takes their home coffee mug out into the world, like in their car or walking around. Very cool. Yeah. For me, it's winking.

Like a confident, casual wink. Like, I can't pull it off at all. Can you do it? Yeah. I mean, kind of. I mean, you physically can. I could do it, but, you know, my whole face moves with it. Same. Yeah, but people who are really good at a little twinkly wink that everyone else misses, you know? I think when I do it without thinking, I can do a proper one. But like when I start thinking about it, I'm like... Yeah, yeah. That was good, that one.

Then also people who like instead of passing you something, throw it. Like throw the keys or like throw you an apple to eat. But it's cool because it assumes that you're going to. You're cool enough to catch it. And it's just confident. I'm thinking about Aladdin, really. You're not confident enough to throw anything at someone? I would never presume that they would catch it. And yeah, no. Yeah.

What about you? I've seen a lot of women wearing like really baggy jeans and pants lately. Yeah. I don't know that I can pull that off. I think you can, but I know what you mean. It feels... It feels like... I'm already bigger built. So like to then add a bunch of extra fabric just seems like too much. And people, they're so wide, the pants people are wearing now. But that is cool. Like you'll see Paul. It looks cool on a lot of people. Yeah.

But I don't think I can pull at all. I think you could, like, wide jeans and then a tighter tee. See, I can't rock a tighter tee. That's where I want the loose extra fabric is in the tee. Okay, then yeah, a structured pant. Yeah, I like a structured pant. And also with my gams, why am I going to not highlight those? Come on. Exactly. Yeah. I'm trying to think if there's anything else that's...

I'm sure there's a lot of things where I'm like, oh, that's so cool, but I can never do it. You know what I could never do, but I don't think it's cool? Vaping. I just can't. I know that because I... I still smoke occasionally and I know I shouldn't. And everyone's like, why don't you try vaping? I just can't. I can't do it. It's too in the big cloud.

now is it as addictive i don't really know the science behind all of it is it as addictive as smoking well it's got nicotine in it yeah right i think it just is meant to not have like the tar and stuff and it doesn't smell bad after but um we're gonna find out that it's evil yeah i have no desire to vape but i don't have any desire to smoke either no but you often like will mime will mime a cigarette i like to pretend that i'm an

Old-fashioned broad from the Broadway in New York City, just smoking a cigarette. Timothy, did you get the alterations done? Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. Yeah. You know, that kind of thing. Yes. I do love that. It suits you. But that was a good question. Yeah, that was a good thing. Mariana, I'll see you in Ottawa, Mariana. Let's hear Mariana's answer.

Well, my answer is for me, it's jumpsuits, a one piece outfit, some kind of onesie that's super classy or super professional. On a good day, I'm like five foot tall and I really can't pull those off. I feel just upset.

absolutely ridiculous. But I think women in particular or non-binary folks who wear something like that are just the coolest. I agree. I think I could get into overalls. I think in a kind of like... farm boy fetch me that picture and then i could be like the farm boy yeah yeah i could see that but it is a one piece is very cool yeah for sure i cannot pull that off should we hear one more

Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Hi, Handsome Pod. This is Kate from Connecticut. And my question is...

Do you prefer the Summer or Winter Olympics, seeing as the Winter Olympics are coming up soon? And further, is there an Olympic sport that you could see each other really excelling at? Great question. I love the Olympics. I am more of a summer gal, though. I get very excited about it. I watch the opening ceremony. I'm super into it. I feel very...

into rooting the teams on. Winter Olympics, I will watch some of them because I want to support these athletes. They work so hard to get to this point. But I'm not a winter sport gal. Yeah. I'm more of the summer. I love to watch gymnastics. I love to watch swimming, which is weird because I don't watch any of this any other time. Yeah. I'll watch track and field. I'll watch soccer, tennis. I love it. There's so many good things. Yeah, I agree. I'm a summer guy, but I don't really watch it.

I love the opening ceremonies. The one in England where the Queen met James Bond. That was great. Yeah, and I like kayaking and things that Canada's good at, I like. And then winter sports, I don't know. Those skiers doing the flips, it's so insane. Yeah, I don't know. I imagine your country of Canada does very well in the winter sports. That's like where they shine, right? Do we, Thomas?

Yeah, Canada is always in the top like three or so countries in the Winter Olympics. Oh, that's juicy. Yeah, because you guys are a wintry, have big winters. Big winters. I should get into it then because it's, I mean, I'm still recovering from the... the world series and i'd like to see canada win something so maybe some skiing yeah i think you would be very good fortune at olympic um olympic

Is there some, I'm trying to think about your gams and is there something like, you know how dressage with horses where they kind of trot and pram? Oh my God. And if you were just trotting and prancing with your... I could trot and prance. I was thinking I would be a ballroom dancer with short shorts. Oh, yeah.

Gotta be. Probably not. Yeah. I love watching figure skating, though, I will say. Figure skating's fun. Oh, my God. I like a floor routine in gymnastics with the ribbons. Yes. I like to do that. Yeah. I could see you curling. Thank you. You're welcome. I'll take it. If there was like an Olympic sport for like apologizing for not being able to come to something.

That would be me. Yeah. Yeah. Curling. I would like, or, um, yeah, I, there's a documentary that my friend made that a documentary comedy series called I have nothing. That's in Canada. It's on crave and. it's on Peacock everywhere else. And it's about her trying to choreograph an Olympic level Paris figure skating routine, but she's never skated or danced and it's her crazy dream. And I'm in it and it's.

I really recommend it if you like winter sports. LA is going to be hosting the Olympics. I know. And was it 27? 2028. 28. But, you know, every city that hosts it freaks out because they're never ready for it. No public transport in this city. Yeah. And then everyone shits on that city during the Olympics. Like they really did like, well, we just had Paris and everyone was like, oh, he's.

The housing's awful. The food's so bad. I know. And I just learned to drive and I'm going to be on the roads during the Olympics here. They got a lot of work to do to get ready. They're still, I mean, they've been doing things. trying to like get things prepared already but yeah i feel like they're behind we got a lot of work to do to get ready for those olympics we got to start training in our top dancing prancing and curling we have

We have to get ready for the Oscars and the Olympics. No. Surely we'll be featured in the opening ceremony. I'll be shocked. We'll run through the city with the... The torch, the Olympic torch, right? How good would that be? Or like descend on wires into the stadium. I mean, I will say that they have to do some sort of like Hollywood stunt person type.

Yeah. Oh, it'll be Tom Cruise. I mean, it's gotta be electric, you know? Yeah. We need pyrotechnics. We need Katy Perry. We need all of it. We need Katy Perry. We definitely. Must have gay theory. I think I take that back, actually. Justin Trudeau. Maybe they'll still be together by then. Yeah, who knows? And he'll be holding a sign that says your legacy will be great. Yeah. And she'll wink at him confidently and throw him an apple.

Well, I think it's fun. I love all these athletes from all over the world who've trained their booties off and this is their time to shine. I'm like, get your money, get your campaigns, get your... Yeah. Sponsorships. This is your time, baby. You worked hard. This is your moment. I like seeing the human body push to its limits. Yeah. And I know when I'm watching it, I can't do what they're doing. Yeah.

Same. Unless it would be like, what is it called? With the bow and arrow. Archery? Archery. I would love archery. Really? You think you'd be good? I think, didn't Geena Davis become? An archerist? Is that the word? Yeah. I think I could do decent, but it will take a lot of practice. You know, it's crazy. We watch the Olympics and we're like, God, I respect. I could never do that.

Comedy is so different. After every show, someone's going, you should have done this. Someone in the audience or an Uber driver saying, yeah, you should talk about this. I feel like everyone thinks, I'll do it. Does that sound bitter? Well, let's hear Kate's answer. My answer is I prefer the Winter Olympics slightly because I love snow and the skiing and figure skating and all that is so impressive. And I really think Fortune and TIG.

would be pretty good at water polo considering all the treading you've been doing. And May might have an innate Canadian ability to excel at ice hockey or curling. Anyway, I'm really excited this spring. I'm going to see May on tour. It'll be my first ever comedy show. Tig, your Connecticut show was sold out. I shouldn't be surprised. And Fortune just saw Zootopia 2. You crushed it.

Love the pod. Keep it handsome. Thank you, Kate. Keep it handsome, Kate. Well, it's always a treat to chat with you, my friend, and to hear from our lovely listeners. Yeah, I love that.

Both those people said they were coming to my tour show. That's so amazing. I know. Are you excited for it? Are you getting pumped for this tour? I am, and I'm writing feverishly. Yeah, I am getting pumped. I really like when people... online tag us and that they've bought a ticket to all three of our shows that's so nice and they're they're doing it like i checked off the trifecta like we're pokemon they're collecting and i really like that

Well, it is nice that people support us so much. Yeah. What do you got coming up? I'm just doing some stand-up right now. I'm in Atlanta tonight doing a show there. Coming up, I have Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, a bunch of shows, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Little Rock, San Diego, Oklahoma City. What about you?

I was just gearing up for my tour, which starts end of February. So check out maymartin.net and I'm going to 35 cities in North America and that's my main vibe right now. So check that out. I love it. And I guess other than that, all that remains is to keep it pretty handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. And please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a HeadGum podcast.