Pretty Little Episode #58

This is a HeadGum podcast. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking for greedy seagulls at the beach is not smart. You know the type. Those birds that see your ice cream and they hover at exactly the right distance until you look away and then they pounce. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Pretty little episode.

Welcome to the Handsome Pod. This is one of your pretty little episodes with two of your pretty little hosts, me, myself, Mae, Martin. And it's me, yeah, Tig Notaro, the other pretty little host. Boy, do we look pretty today, don't we? Yeah, we do actually, yeah. I just went to the gym, but I mainly went for the sauna. Now, do you work out with makeup on? Because I know makeup is a big part of your life. Do you wear makeup in workouts? And do you wear makeup in the sauna?

Thank you so much for asking. Absolutely. The fans want to know. Yeah, no, I don't wear makeup when I work out or in the sauna. But I do. I did put it on to record today. Just a simple foundation. Nothing crazy. Didn't do the boy brow. Didn't do the lip taint. The imaginary. Clear mascara. Clear mascara. Invisible makeup. Yeah.

I just, I cleaned my face with soap and water. Well, face wash and water and got right on, right on the mic. Did you put moisturizer on after or no? Yeah. I wash with a face wash. And then a moisturizer. I dry my hair. I put my glasses on. The hair's looking good, too. Thank you. It's looking kind of tousled and punk. It's good.

Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. But I know you hydrate from the inside out and that's partly why I think you don't have to do a lot. There you go. There I am. I'm hydrating. I'm hydrating from the inside out. Love that.

Listen, it's no secret, especially when you see me in person, the aging process is going on. And it is, as they say, it's an honor to age. When my mother was dying, people commented, even when she was in a coma, like, God, she has such great skin. To have that be your legacy, I want that. Yeah. And so I'm hoping I can skate by with a simple face wash and moisturizer and pull off what my mother did.

Both of our mothers are very, I recently saw my parents in Toronto and my mom came out to an event and someone commented, oh, you look like Mae's sister. We will be dining off that for weeks and months. Yeah. She really does. It's crazy. Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah. She did tell me my suit looked like pajamas, but that's okay. And be fair, did they?

You know, isn't that the style? Or did it? These days, like, people are wearing these baggy, boxy suits. And I thought that would be me. But I did look a little like a little boy. his dad's suit but you know that's still a good look that's a charming look yeah did you ever sneak in and put your dad's suit on or any of his clothes or no i don't think i did i just stole his cigarettes does he still smoke

He doesn't accept. Sometimes I think maybe sometimes I'll go out for a cigarette and my mom will say, James, do you want to go have a cigarette with me? And it's like being given the option means he goes, no, I'm good. But yeah. But I'm never going to smoke again. I gotta quit. Wait, you're never going to smoke again? Gotta quit smoking. Did you quit?

Yeah, I quit all through my 20s and then started in the pandemic. And then I go periods where I don't smoke. But are you not smoking right now? No, I am. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't talk about it much on the pod because it's like... I really want to quit. And the more I talk about it, the more I don't quit. Do you want to try my process? I know I've shared it. What's yours? Just don't smoke? No, I smoked. I inhaled Swisher Sweets.

cigars oh fuck and that's what you were like my body says no well i inhaled swisher sweets did i not tell you this i it rings a bell like yeah yeah i so i inhaled swisher sweets While drinking peach flavored beer. Oh, Christ. And I made myself to my stomach that lasted like I got I got drunk. Yeah. peach-flavored beer while inhaling Swisher Sweets. And so I was hungover. I was throwing up. It was so disgusting. Maybe we'll do it on the pod.

We'll record and I'll get some Swisher Sweets and some peach beer. Thomas, put it on the list. Yeah, we'll watch me just ruin myself. I would love that. Not for you to be ruined, but... To watch that process. I would. I would. It was so disgusting. And, um, but I'm, I, I quit at 25 saying, I don't want to be 50 saying, I wish I had quit at 25. Yeah. And that gross combo.

Got me here. My parents quit at around 40. And so I got I got two years or year and a half. But yeah, I got stuck in an elevator.

Oh, May. I know. And I thought of you. I... Got into this elevator in New York. Okay. I was staying on the 45th floor. May Marie. Yeah. And it was right, like the hotel's right next to Central Park and it's late at night and I get in the elevator. Right before the doors close, this... Russian like oligarch, like this really rich Russian guy gets in with his wife. They're obviously fighting. It's tense. And we go up to the 45th floor and we stop.

at 44 but and the doors are closed like there's like a and it stops and so i'm like and i Press the door open button. Nothing happens. Oh. A few minutes go by. Then I press again and the doors open an inch and then stop. And we're between floors. And we're on in this old hotel. And I go, oh, this is scary. And the Russian guy, no hesitation, goes, actually, it's not. And starts pressing the buttons and somehow fixes it. And we go to the next floor.

How did he fix it? I need to know this because he just went nuts on the buttons. He did everything you're not supposed to do. He just pressed like door closed and pressed 45 again, then pressed lobby then. But. I love how he was like, actually, it's not scary. Let me write this down. Yeah. So it's 45, door closed. Did he also push the firefighter hat?

No, I've always wanted to push that. Yeah, yeah. Does that just alert firefighters right away? I guess. I don't know what it does, May, but I wish you had called me even if I was asleep. That is a phone call. Even if you were stuck for just, you know, 30 seconds. Yeah, yeah. Tig, I don't know what to do. Were you scared or concerned? Oh, yeah. Like...

Like really scared? Or were you a little like, whoa, what's happening? I thought, well, first I thought, okay, this is going to be 10 minutes or something. Then I thought... And did that sound like a short amount, 10 minutes? No, long, long. Okay, good. Okay. But then it was when I remembered how high up we were and that like, if we just plummeted, what would happen? But there was something reassuring about this guy being like,

No, this is not scary. And it felt like he'd killed a man like he'd seen a lot and this was nothing to him. But his wife was so mad at him. It was just a tense moment. Did she not come around and feel like, oh, you're my hero? Like, did she not come through the anger? She didn't speak a word. through this whole process and i felt like she was embarrassed of him when he said it's not scary because it clearly was and how old was he 40 okay yeah i pictured him like white haired yeah yeah

Yeah. Okay. Anyway, it wasn't, you know, in the end, not much of a story, except actually it's not scary. Well, it could have been quite a story. I, you know what? It is a story enough because if I was in there, I would have been in a complete spiral. Yeah. Yeah. Once it's happened to you once, like, and you being stuck in that bathroom, you're like, I know how this could go. And this could be my whole day. And what is the level of panic you felt from one to 10?

I started at like a six or a seven. Like I instantly went there and then luckily it quickly resolved, but I was getting ready to go up to a 10. I don't know what that would have looked like. That's what my next question was going to be is what is May at a 10 in a 45? story stuck elevator. I think it would have been making some phone calls, calling the, you know, the secretary of defense or something like I would have been like.

let's go to the top with this and get this. Do you really want to go to the secretary of defense in this administration? No, no, I don't. They'd probably say it was a trans elevator. And to be fair, you know, third of it. was. Yeah, you're right. They were like, yeah, this checks out. Yeah, that's actually, you're right. It's a one third trans elevator. Well, I'm glad you made it through safely. Me too, because otherwise I wouldn't be here with you getting ready to listen to some questions.

Oh, well, that's a really great segue. Speaking of trans, should we transition into questions? Famously, trans people are amazing at transitions. Yeah. Yeah. So let's do it. Let's do it. Hello. My name is Bea and...

i have two moms and one of them the one that i actually call mayor um she really likes the handsome pod and so she told me i had to listen to it and so i started listening to the handsome pod and i'm making my way through And so my question for you is, what is something that your parents got you into? Thanks. Imagine if that was Max or Finn calling.

Amazing that her mother is called Mare. That's so cool. I love that. I know. And that Mare listens to the pod. That's so cool. Hello to Mare and all of the other Mare's. Yes, all of the... all the two mom families. I have mine definitely. And it's, it's funny girl with Barbara Streisand. And I, I guess I was eight or nine or 10 and I was.

like any time my mom would suggest something I would instinctively want to hate it or not watch it because it was like a constant like I was having to watch like dead man walking and these like you know, Easy Rider, these 1970s movies that she wanted to show me. And so I was like, funny girl, I don't know. And then when I finally watched it, I was like, oh my God, like this woman is, I mean.

It blew my mind. I was so obsessed with Funny Girl. Yeah. Yeah. So that was satisfying for her. And then I would listen to like the vinyl of Barbra Streisand live in Central Park, I think it is. She does a show. I think she smoked a joint on stage. Babs? Yeah, Babs rebellious period. So Babs was that for me. Stephanie and I went and saw Babs in recent years and didn't feel terribly rebellious.

know now very much it's so like it's i mean i don't know what it was back then but it's definitely like a a scripted performance yeah like she really has you know a script yeah she does like it it's um yeah but it was it was so so great she stephanie posted a clip years ago after we went of at the end of uh some song that bab sing she ends it with you bet your ass oh yeah oh my god yes so good we just looked at each other and we were like oh i love that she scripted that too oh my god

and and it's like now that i'm saying it i should end my um show like yes after my closer i should be like you bet your ass and then just walk off stage Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking your mail on a regular basis is not smart. You don't want to miss the one super special handwritten car. amidst all the junk mail and bills.

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. That's great. My mother loved.

barbara streisand as well really oh my god the guilty album and when you said funny girl i immediately thought of how obsessed with gilda radner my mother was and we were just raised on gilda but i would say the thing that When I say, because I naturally loved Gilda Radner, you know, like that wasn't like she got me into it. Yeah. Into her. But I would say. What my mother got me into that I wasn't necessarily into deeply as a small child was Willie Nelson. Oh, nice. Yes. My mother.

And my father's mother loved and lived by Willie Nelson. Really? I mean, Willie, Willie, Willie. And yeah, Willie doesn't feel like the... he would naturally attract like a child audience. Like you'd have to be introduced to him. Yeah. I mean, My brother and I would go on road trips, you know, they were big in our mind when we were little, to go from like the...

This one town where our family lived to another town that was like... two or three hours away and we'd go on a road trip and we'd listen to on the road again you know and just sing along and that was fun but like to really get into the songs and the albums. And I remember when I was in fourth grade, my mother got me Willie Nelson's Redheaded Stranger album. And I was like, I don't want this. And she was like, all right, well, then I'll keep it.

But yeah, I would say Willie Nelson. That's like grade four is around the age where like, let's say there's like a school... presentation where you have to do like a lip sync and kids are not trying to be cool yet. So they're coming in with these weird things that their parents got them into. Like, yeah, I think I did a lip sync to hair that the musical, like one of the, and it was just so.

purely just that my parents had got me into it or like i can imagine you talking about willie nelson at school and yes yeah for sure all right well i want to hear b's answer yeah what did mare teach b To answer my own question, aside from the handsome pod, and if I'm staying on the theme of queer media, it would probably be Alison Bechdel. Thanks. Alison Bechdel.

Is that like the Bechdel test? Yeah. And she is the, she did Fun Home. And then also she wrote the Dykes to Look Out For. Love that. When was that? I first came across it in like the early 90s. Thomas, can you tell me? Oh, yeah. Thomas is sending us these notes, too, that are correct. Fun Home and Dykes to Watch Out For. She's amazing. Did you see Fun Home? No. What is a movie? It is the most gorgeous, perfect play. Really? And musical.

That has ever existed. What? Yes. And it is about Allison's life. Okay. I feel like I've referenced it on here. Dykes to watch out for. Is that just a list? It's, well, it's a comic strip. Oh. Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah. I'll check that out. Well, good job to B's mare. Yes. Excellent stuff to be introduced to.

Especially handsome. Max and Finn are probably introducing you to stuff that like you didn't know you were going to be into baseball and, you know, magic cards and stuff. I didn't know I was going to be into... Kendrick Lamar. Oh, yeah. Kendrick Lamar. Yeah. Or Eminem. I mean, like I we that's and Blink 182. God, they're good. I never paid much attention to Blink 182. Yeah. And now.

Every morning. No way. Oh, between Kendrick, Eminem and Blink-182. That's what we pick up and drop Max and Finn off to. That's so funny. We pull up to those tunes. pumping out of our window. Have you heard the song Miss You by Blink-182? Because you got Mark Hoppus who sings kind of like a normal man. And then whenever it's... Tom, what's his name? Tom DeLonge's verse. He comes in and on that song, it's such a beautiful song. And then he comes in and goes,

Where are you? The angel from my nightmares. I cannot sleep. I cannot dream tonight. That's great. That's really good. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah, that's in our rotation as well. Love it. Should we hear another question?

Yes, we should. That's why we're here. Hey, handsoms. This is Angela from Columbus, Ohio. I need some advice. I am recently single out of a seven-year relationship. And I am really needing to stay single for a while to work on myself and figure out more about who I am and what I want in the future. What are some things that have helped you in the past stay motivated to get through a time where you just needed to spend more time with yourself? Thank you. Love you. Great question.

What has kept me motivated? What has kept us motivated to... Like reconnect with yourself. It sounds like maybe she's aware in herself of a tendency to... get into another relationship or feel like um like defined by being in a relationship and wants to build a i mean look she's speaking my language i am really i relate um You got to go to the woods. You got to get your life. Your synthesizer. Yeah. Get your clear mascara and get out to the woods. No, I think like re reading and.

And talking to friends, find your single friends and go on little friend vacations. And it is just willpower, isn't it? Yeah. And I guess like if you really picture yourself older down the road. Not making those changes and not making the shifts that you need to make to attract. You have to be a completely different person. You have to make those deep changes and everything you have been doing that isn't working has to change. Yeah. For.

the change that you want to see and it's the changes that you're doing privately and quietly that you're not promoting or posting or blabbing about it's just like really deep quiet changes like where you're really challenging yourself you're you're not racing, challenging, competing, anybody other than yourself of like, I got to make this shift. Yeah. And you have to track your shift and make sure you're still staying on course because it's not fun.

Yeah, it's it's uncomfortable. And so often we like when we do take care of ourselves, it's it's either for someone else or like you got like I was feeling.

sad a few weeks ago and kind of rocked and then I was like fuck I gotta I got a week of press coming up so I've gotta sleep I gotta eat I just don't have time to fall apart and so I really did good and I like I went to the gym and I was sleeping and then it's like but I shouldn't need that week on the horizon to motivate that like I I should be able to care for myself like care for myself the way I would for someone else and like feel worth that care you know

I also think it's really, it's such a bumper sticker, but it's true of like, take your own advice. Yeah. It's really good to take your own advice. It helps me. The way you would talk to a friend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, should I call that person? Should I? It's like, no, no, absolutely not. Or should I move on from this business? venture that is proving to be difficult or doesn't bring me joy or doesn't really celebrate the arts or, you know, like where my insides are telling me this doesn't.

This isn't the road that leads to happiness, like true joy. And then you've ripped the Band-Aid off. But then there's freedom there. And when you're going in a whole new direction. Yeah. Because you've been down that path. You've already gone. You know what's down that road. It's an old road you know so well. Yeah. And it has not. ever, time and time again, led to anything. Yeah. And also don't beat yourself up if you have little relapses or you, you know, like,

You also have to you just got out of a seven year relationship, but you will have to grieve that. And it's OK to be a mess for a little while and just rely on your like you don't have to instantly be like, OK, action and self-care. And I'm going to like. you know, that stuff will come. It sounds like she knows exactly what she wants. And I also want to just throw in, it also can make you feel so good if you help out other people. Yes. Whether it's

delivering food to homeless people or whether it's visiting animal shelters. Yeah. Whatever it is, that is really, really healing. Yeah. And gives you a much bigger picture on life. Yeah. Angela didn't send an answer, but good luck, Angela. Yes. We're thinking about you. Yes, we are. Or we were for this period of time.

And we do really love hearing. I mean, it's such a joy to do the questions of our listeners. I mean, it's a joy to do our regular episodes. I just, I'm always so curious what our listeners have to say. Me too. If you want to, please submit questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com slash handsomepod. Please. And in the meantime, keep it pretty handsome. And please follow us on social media at handsome pod.

What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a HeadGum podcast. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking all your ingredients when baking a cake is not smart. Accidentally substituting salt for sugar is not going to be a crowd pleaser at this weekend's birthday party. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.

Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.