Pretty Little Episode #49

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pretty little episode welcome to the handsome pod this is a pretty little episode With me and Fortune Feimster. That's right. And May and I are doing... this episode in person it's really nice we've never done a pretty little episode in person it's great to be on this comfy couch with you you're you're looking very very may martin very like

all black oh yeah yeah yeah yeah trying to be cool like you i've just been using my depuffer and you know yeah i used my depuffer today you did yeah okay hopefully that helped it really does help i think And I saw the pictures you had talked about in an episode wearing a tank on stage. Saw the pics. Look good, bud. Thank you. It's the new me. It's the summer me. I can't believe you haven't done it before. You seem like a tank top wearing performer. Thanks. It doesn't...

For comedy, it seems weirdly like... Too exposed? Yeah, and too, like, you can't be... I don't know. Not for music, though. It's too confident for comedy. But, you know, for music, people, I feel like people want a bit of, like, swagger. And I saw a video. You look cool up there playing your guitar and singing. I wish, I mean, I wish I had a show where...

We were in the same city and you could come on and we could do a duet. I know you were talking about us maybe doing something and I think Tig was out of town and I didn't know my schedule. We'll figure it out. To get us the handsome band a surprise. The handsome band. I mean, we could do. ironic yeah we could I could be Atlantis you could that would be great that would be very cool what's been going on it's a very hot day today

It is. We're in the thick of summer in L.A., which, you know, I always forget, though, L.A.'s the hottest in August and September. Oh, God, really? So this is just a preview. Oh, my God. I was playing... foosball today. I play for hours a day. By yourself? No, that would be crazy. Sprinting around in a circle. Because it's in your house? It's out back, yeah. And my friend Matt has moved into my back house with his girlfriend for like six months. Are you liking this setup?

I like I don't like to be alone with my thoughts too much. So it's good to have them in there like separate. They got their own kitchen. Yeah. But he's. an insane foosball player like just misspent youth like yeah it's and he loses his sense of humor when he plays like he gets totally serious and we were playing in the hot sun and I got so I mean

I've beaten him twice and we've played maybe 6,000 games. Whoa. He's very good then. He's so good in the stuff that I hear myself say to him out of rage. I told him to burn in hell today. Oh, my God. Are you just very competitive? Or is it just with him? I am in general, but with him, there's something so infuriating about the fact that he's not smiling and he's just slamming that ball in goal after goal. Thomas has seen him play. It's like...

He's good. He beat me like three times in a row. And I had a foosball table when I was a kid. So I consider myself like a decent player. Playing anyone else, you'd be crushing them. Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm getting really good from playing him. He's unstoppable. He's like passing. What's that? It's a song. But it's I'm unstoppable. He is. He's unstoppable.

Well, I'm glad you have that to entertain yourself with. You created quite a pad between this table and your sauna. I mean, I think you're living the life. Do you think? It feels like it.

I feel like it's reflective of, like, yeah, kind of Bachelor mindset. But I've always been like that. I want games. I have a multi-cade arcade game that's like my... most prized possession do you play uh yeah it's just pretty loud because you know it's old school yeah but it's you just turn it on and play all these games pac-man galaga uh

Or is that what it's called? Where you shoot the airplanes? Why is my mind totally blank? Yeah, same. Yeah, the airplanes that go. What is that game? Galaga. Yeah, Galaga. And then Donkey Kong. And then like Mr. Pac-Man. All these things. It's great.

Great, Miss Pac-Man. Did you ever... see the documentary king of kong i did not it's like christopher guest made it it like it could be scripted it's so amazing it's about people who are obsessed with donkey kong and they're trying to beat the record and they're there's like

a villain there's a hero there's and their lives are falling apart because of this game like they are obsessed there's a cheat scandal like you gotta watch king of kong okay yeah good to know they all have sort of mullets and yeah it's you would love it

yeah all right i'll check it out yeah what have you been you've been racing around and foobar's out foobar is out which is great i've just been so my whole month of june was insane yeah uh july's better yeah so um but better for you is still insane for most I'm pretty busy but I will I think I um

I think time management, I'm good at. Yeah, you are. You don't have an assistant, which blows my mind. I think I've somehow just figured out a way to like... slot things in and yeah you know yeah uh it just requires like uh some real attention to the calendar and yeah to details and i figured it out do you have a physical calendar no it's all on my google calendar see i i need it visually really yeah i got like an old school yeah yeah but i you know

I work really hard and schedule the crap out of myself. But then I will make time for the things I need to make time for. And I will stand firm on that.

same yeah when I got back from tour I was like I have to and I'm still I'm doing ADR and stuff and it's but I was like I have to get a massage and I went to the Korean spa I had a facial uh-huh never have facials it was 85 minutes the facial was yeah that's a long facial and right before i went in my friend said hope you don't get claustrophobic and as soon as she said that i was like oh my god i'm

trapped and then i did get claustrophobic yeah and she was like poking me popping me yeah and i think an hour facial is good i think that's good but i like i would i don't mind an 80 minute massage give me 120 minutes yeah walk on me Oh yeah, I like that too. I like that. The Thai massage. It's so good. Do they crack you?

I don't like the cracking. Okay, I love it. But I don't mind the walking. I just like to be walked on. Step on me. I love a massage. It's one of my favorite things. I know we've talked about it on the pod, but that I'm registered.

shiatsu masseuse that's right yeah i just like to remind you you don't do anything with it but you are well you don't know what i do true i don't know what happens behind closed doors in your uh on your dates or whatever lighting in a time massage place yeah i just booked uh an airbnb in august for a couple weeks in uh lake arrowhead oh that'll be like try to

to chill out yeah but i'm already inviting too many people oh you got a bunch of people coming i'm inviting some fun randoms who not not randoms but like people i haven't seen in years or haven't haven't reconnected with Like I invited these two girls I went to middle school with who are still friends. Yeah. It'll be really fun. And we're going to play all these games. Yeah. That are to do with like.

the people we went to school with like remember all the names of everyone in our class and all our teachers that you know I can't let go of anything I'm so nostalgia driven

Well, that's all right. Yeah, it'll be good. You'll have a good time. Yeah. Well, should we get to some questions? Yeah, we should. All right, let's do it. Hi, we're calling from Oakland, California. I'm Alice and this is my cousin. I'm Chelsea and this is my mom. I'm Debbie. And we have a question for you. When you're dreaming about flying, do you flap your arms like wings or... Soar like a super person.

Oh, wow. Do you dream about flying? Constantly. You do have dreams? Yes, you don't. I do not, no. Never had a flying dream? I don't think so. Not that I recall. I don't remember a lot of my dreams. Yeah. I don't know what that means. Yeah, we should Google what that means. No flying dreams versus flying dreams. But also, yeah, maybe you're just not a big dreamer. I have to do like the breaststroke. So I have to get.

up usually by jumping and each time i jump gravity gets less yeah and then once i'm up i'm doing this breaststroke to kind of stay in place and usually the context is some kind of schoolyard bullies and i'm going think you can do this and then and they're like bullshit you can't fly and I'm like watch me and then usually I do that hilarious and then there's another version where the only way I can fly is to step off a giant building oh take the risk scary so scary and it's just like

Are you flapping your wings or are you soaring? It's still the thing. This movement. It's kind of like treading water. It's very treading. I think that's what flying would be like probably, right? Breaststroke. You're not... You're going to have to still propel yourself. Yeah. The flapping of the arms feels like you're panicked. The soaring feels like you've given into it. Yeah. I wonder if there's something psychological about that. Yeah.

If you can get high enough and let the wind just take you. If I were to guess in my dream, I think I would be soaring because I'm in the dream. I'd love to see it. I'm safe. Yeah. Would you ever go hand gliding?

No. Me neither. I am not an adventure person. I just... I don't think I am either. I like an escape room. Yeah. Some people say like as they've gotten older or they've had kids or whatever that they are less... risk taking you know but i've never been i'm a risk taker in life as far as like moving to la with like 50 bucks in my pocket and you know like that's a risk yeah but as far as like adventure risk that's not my thing

Life's scary already. I don't want to jump out of a plane. I don't want to bungee jump. I don't want to hang glide. Nothing. So you're not going to be the new Ethan Hunt. in Mission Impossible. Did you see it? Uh-uh. This plane sequence, Thomas? It's amazing. Really? The movie... Bit of a mess. Sorry if that alienates people. But that sequence is one of the craziest things I've ever seen. He's fighting a guy as he's climbing all over this plane, as it flies, and he's really doing it.

tom cruise yeah he's doing it he does it all and he's punching the guy and he's trying to get he's on the wing and he's hanging his face it's absolutely crazy yeah I was cheering. He loves to do his own stunts. He loves it. Well, I mean, he is an adventure guy for sure. He has done a lot on planes. Do you think he dreams? I don't know. Does Tom Cruise dream is a good title for a sort of zine. I did Google.

what does it mean to not dream about flying? And it said, one of the reasons is you might have moved on from the adventurous part of your life. So kind of lines up with what you're saying, Fortune. Oh, wow. I'm a practical gal. Yeah. You know, I, I, I have, I feel deeply. I have, you know, the heart stuff for sure. Yeah. I don't shy from that, but like.

in other areas of life I'm practical but also like your job is scary like you don't you know what I mean it's not like you're bored right like i'm taking no risk and you want to get some adrenaline like you get those adrenaline peaks i think about that all the time just like being on stage in front of 3 000 people and it's just you and a mic yeah and to like have to command

the attention of those 3000 people for an hour is, it isn't easy. I mean, listen, it's not rocket science, but it's not easy. Yeah. And making it look easy. Yeah. Making it look like you're coming up with everything on the spot. That's the thing. But.

You know, if you were to tell somebody go do that, they'd probably be terrified. Like every customs official that I... come over the border they go yeah i was gonna do that or yeah i was thinking about i think i might do comedy public speaking is like one of people's biggest fears over death that's that seinfeld bit right yeah that yeah it's that's insane

Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that when people ask you what your favorite podcast is, you always answer handsome and send them a link to your favorite episode.

Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Yeah, they fear it more than death. So I don't know that they would like doing an hour of stand-up in front of all those people.

There's so many things I find more scary than stand-up, but I don't know. Well, that's because you do stand-up. Yeah. But should we hear this amazing trio? Yeah, I love this trio. This family of intergenerational... Lovely. Lovely ladies. My answer, this is Alice, is when I'm flying, I flap my arms like wings and I'm very good at it. This is Chelsea. I start in a squat and jump into the sky with my arms by my sides, leading with my forehead. And this is Debbie. And I jump up.

and start to soar only staying about six feet off the ground because i'm really scared of heights and then i go into a breaststroke motion Don't even go there. You look pretty handsome. We love you. Oh, that's adorable.

so I'm I'm with Debbie because I'm usually I'm usually not that high up yeah I'm yeah and I'm breast you're breast choking they scolded me and I didn't even say anything dirty they beat you to it I didn't even say the word cooter or anything well that was a treat I love that one that was great should we hear another one yeah hi this is lucy excited to send you a question uh so a few episodes ago you guys were talking about the pronunciation of

uh the Pontius Pilate and I just wanted to come to maze defense uh for a moment I was classics major and so Pontius Pilate is the governor of the Roman province of Judea. And so in Latin, it would have been pronounced Pontius Pilate. T's were hard. And so there are other funny like pronunciation facts like Julius Caesar would have been Julius Caesar.

Cicero would have been Kikoro. Mark Antony was Marcus Antonius. Anyway, fun things like that. That leads me into my question. Is there a topic that you could talk forever about, regardless of anyone else's interest in that? First of all, Cicero would have been Kikoro? that's huge i mean but like is anyone really saying it like this is anyone or and also who's talking about come on that much wow but thank you for vindicating me pontius pilot

What are your special interests that you could get on a rant about? Already on the radio show I do with Tom Papa, we talk about food all the time. Food is like... my love language my life i love it way too much i think about it way too much so any topic of food i could probably stay on for a while especially snacks or apps you would have been real fun on the

in the tour van we did about two and a half hours about favorite apps yeah i would have been right in there i have a lot of knowledge unfortunately yeah yeah

I feel like you have a lot of topics you could go on for a while about. Yeah, I'm remembering times where I've... kind of come out of a daze and realized all my friends look bored and that they're like turning around um the the main ones i'm thinking of are survivor i could truly talk about the beauty of the game of survivor the nuances of the gameplay yeah

the evolution of the show as the series have gone on, things that I want them to change in the format. Like I could really... You probably have some good notes for them. I have many notes. Yeah. Yeah. But... huge respect as well right um and then the other one is is uh napoleon like i think i'm i went through a phase in the pandemic of getting really into i mean not into he's such a complex figure but like yeah i got really into him

yeah he's and it's just there's so much rich kind of detail in his strange ascension to power and then like like he was going to be a romantic novelist he was he he wrote this romantic novel it sold at Sotheby's like oh 15 years ago and for not that much money huh yeah trying to think if there's anything i have a lot of knowledge of i know like a little bit of things of a lot of things yeah i weirdly know a lot of religious stuff yeah

uh just growing up in the south yeah uh having gone to church every sunday And then I studied religion a little bit. Yeah. You know your Bible stories. I know my Bible stories. You know your hymns. I studied Old Testament in college. I studied ancient Egypt in college as well for fun, but... A lot of that knowledge I don't remember now. Yeah. But I remember loving it at the time. Yeah. But yeah, it was a big history buff that...

I've sort of gotten away from that in my older age. But yeah, in college, I was taking all these history things for no reason. Yeah. Just like, I want to learn about Egypt, ancient Egypt. And I want to learn about Old Testament. I think we're so stressed as like adults are so stressed. Yeah. That really we do. Like when you have time off, you just want to.

numb yourself and switch off I mean that's my problem now I think because I doing stand up and I like you like we develop a lot of things yeah you're always writing always and it just feels like homework constantly like and so I think when I'm not having to do that stuff I don't want to think about anything but it's kind of keeping me from learning those about those other academic type things that I used to love to learn about. That all feed your stand-up too. All those things. I've read...

Well, I think it was because I read that Harvard is doing online courses about the Constitution and stuff kind of as a response to Trump, like cracking down on that. So then I went on their website and then I found all these online colleges where you can.

some are free some are like pretty cheap and there's like weekly lectures online and then you don't have to do homework and it yeah yeah i think i might do that like an hour a week on like mythology or or you yeah yeah listen to ted talks i guess i love a ted talk yeah yeah i would do a ted talk on survivor or on you should do a ted talk on survivor

I can't now. I no longer can. I don't know. I still think you can. If I was going to do a TED talk, it might be on... the troubled teen industry or something because I had to learn so much about that for the show and writing the show that's coming out in the fall like about the history of where those programs came from cults in the 70s it's super interesting cults in the 70s is interesting juicy

I like those documentaries that pop up about that wild shit. Yeah. MKUltra. And just like those personalities that... can get people to follow them like what the study of like that type of person totally is interesting this is like a giant narcissist culture endlessly fascinating yeah total narcissism Yeah, let's hear Lucy's answer. Okay, my answer. Yes, classics is one of them. The other for me is the story of human evolution. I love thinking and reading about the story of, you know.

how humans evolved, and then other questions that that brings up, like, what makes this truly human? Did the onset of agriculture spell the downfall for the welfare of the human race? You know, lots of good questions like that.

Thanks for answering. All right. That's so juicy. And I love a book that is like bite-sized kind of history of the universe and the world. And yeah, the acceleration of like... you know, the time from the invention of... whatever to the invention of the atomic bomb is so short like we're just exponentially we're moving so fast oh man okay I gotta I gotta talk to Lucy Lucy you speak May's language yeah that's true Juicy. Thank you, Juicy.

Lucy. Wish I hadn't said that. I wish I hadn't said that. Sorry. Well, what a treat. This was fun to do one of these in person. It was a real pleasure. Yeah. What a treat. And there's this nice like smiley face behind you. Oh, sorry. for the connection smiley face all right there yeah yeah and it really matches here at head gum this is where we're

We're stationed at the moment on these couches. Keep sending your questions, please. Yeah, at speakpipe.com slash handsomepod. Yeah, do it. That's right. Do it! Well, this was lovely. I guess I'd like to remind you to keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

That was a hate gun podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking all state first. Like you know to check that you slow down when the speed limit changes and you're driving through that little town in the middle of nowhere. Avoid a ticket and get there safely.

Check-in first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.