Pretty Little Episode #45

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Welcome to our pretty little episode for the Handsome Pod. It's Fortune Feimster. And me, Mae Martin. I was just like frantically pointing at Fortune. This is you. You do the intro. You start. Yeah. I got you. I got you. Don't you worry. Thank you. How's it going? It's going well. I'm feeling good, feeling fresh. I did a workout. I did a sauna.

But my air conditioning's broken, and the way to fix it is to, apparently, is to blast the heat all day. Really? Yeah, to, like, melt. It's, like, frozen over or something. Oh, no. blasting the heat in my house and it's whoa it's like a sauna in your house now yeah it's it's super intense how are you that you look very um smart i think I do? Yeah. I've been reading books. We know that's not true. I'm good. I swam every day this week. Yes.

I did my treading water. Although one of the days I did make cinnamon rolls and I ate those in the pool. While treading? And then tread water. Oh my God. That's impressive, I think. Yeah, so I felt like the, you know, I ate some I shouldn't, and then I treaded to make up for it. Listen, balance. Who says shouldn't, you know? Did you get them, like, pre-made, and then you put them in the oven?

Um, you know, like one of those, I'm sure it's the unhealthiest of things. Yes. I fucking, I love it. They're so good. I'm not going to buy those again. Cause I shouldn't be eating them, but they were there. and um the thing about like not having the thing in your house that you want like because i'm trying to quit smoking and i i yeah

I do smoke like I have to admit that I smoke like two or three cigarettes a day. Yeah, I'm trying to so I got rid of all the cigarettes in my house. And then last night, I smoked a butt of a cigarette from my cigarette butt. Yeah, I mean, I guess it just takes time to snap out of that, right? Yeah, like to form a new habit or whatever. Have you quit before? Yeah, yeah, I quit for all of my 20s.

Yeah, I just started again in the pandemic, really. And then I quit again when I was with Parv. And then I started smoking again. Isn't it an anxiety thing?

you think it's i think it's like a nihilism thing it's just like ah fuck it and and i do love it i yeah it's just the worst thing for you but i do you're trying i'm trying i'm trying nikki glazer said she read some book that like uh everyone talks about no that was the alcohol i think that was alcohol but that too yeah i'm lucky i've never really liked drinking that much yeah like a stimulant you know

Right. Yeah. But that there is a book that everyone says you got to read to quit smoking. Yeah. I've never smoked. I mean, you know, aside from like a drag or two in high school, which I probably didn't even. I don't even think I inhale. I was just like this.

i can imagine you smoking in like improv scenes like mime smoking a lot it just says a lot about a character the minute you because i've never smoked i'm always like trying to um do the ash what is this called when you're mime ashing it yeah mime ashing it because yeah like that that'll be believable but yeah never my vice is all food i never

gotten into the to the smoking and alcohol has never been an issue either it's just so funny how they are interchangeable for each other like it's just like it's all the same you know and everybody's got their thing we're just none of us are perfect you guys we're just doing the best we can we gotta self-soothe somehow and we're supposed to be living in little villages just hanging out with our families not living in these big scary metropolis

monopolises with information coming at us. And for you, you take a drag of a butt of a cigarette on the ground and I eat a cinnamon roll. Okay, mine sounds worse. Let's say my cinnamon roll was also on the ground. Okay, yeah, yeah. And I picked it up and ate it. Yeah. Well, should we get to some questions? I would love to. I would love to.

Hello, pretty little handsome cowboys. My name is Margo. I'm calling from the beautifully gay Hudson Valley in New York. And I'm wondering if you were putting together a handsome queer film festival.

What would you include? What are some of your favorite nostalgic queer or queer coded movies? What are your newer favorites? Excited to hear what you have to say.

Oh, man, I hope you know more than I do. I feel like I'm so bad about, I have not watched enough gay stuff. Oh, really? Well, yeah, mine is, I like that. Margo's also said queer coded because there are things that just feel gay. Yeah, what does that mean though? Okay, hocus pocus, feels gay. What? That's gay coded? Oh, for sure. It's like very like drag queen-y like and it's sort of horny.

oh I see undertones a queer undertones yeah or for me the witches with uh Angelica Houston oh yeah I don't know there's something gay about it like okay yeah

I love how Baker's smiling thinking of those movies. I know. I'm literally buzzing. Because those are all your formative... hard-ons that you get well you would have a genre at this film festival called gay coded and that these would be children's movies in a way like we're sort of yeah that sounds weird but you know what i mean like first crushes kind of okay and then um actually actually queer stuff

Oh, you think those Siamese cats and Lady and the Tramp are licking each other? Yeah, they're so gay. Cat buds? Have you seen Foxfire? No, what's that? Oh my god, I think it's... 90s early 90s or late 80s even and it's um no it must be 90s Angelina Jolie

jenny shimizu and it's about a group of teenage girls who kind of band together to rebel there's like a sketchy teacher and they end up living in this house together and it's just like a moody emo kind of lesbionic movie and i don't think anyone even kisses but they like tattoo each other kissing

I think maybe there is one kiss, but Angelina Jolie is this rebel in her leather boots and she tattoos them all. And it's the hottest scene. They all get naked and she tattoos. She gives them all friendship tattoos. Anyway. So that's one. I like the movie she did, Gia, back in the day. Gia, 100%. She's like throwing herself against the fence. Yes, of course, of course. That awoken some things in me.

I'm sure that I've told this on the pod, but that I, I watched that one part of that VHS so much that just that part was like fuzzy. Like it wore itself down. Also my own private Idaho. Okay. Gus Vincent, River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves. Really beautiful movie. Not tons of like explicit gay stuff, but they're, they play like.

sex workers and river is in love with keanu and it's just a beautiful movie i gotta watch that again i watched it a long time ago but i want to go back to that one yeah it's really great and then oh have you seen the peewee herman documentary Oh, no, but I heard this really good. Were you a fan? Like, was he important to you? Yeah. I mean, it wasn't like I wasn't like obsessed with Pee Wee's Playhouse, but it was part of my growing up for sure. Right, right.

Cause that I, I was so deeply obsessed. And then I watching the documentary, he's talking about the, he's talking about being closeted and like, but finding ways to sort of. represent queer culture. Yeah. Covertly and whatever, but there's a Christmas special, a peewee Christmas special that let me, I want to read you the guest list.

of the guests that appeared on that Christmas special. Okay. Because it's so gay. Okay. Yeah, you got Cher. You got Katie Lang. You got Little Richard. You got Grace Jones. uh okay Frankie Avalon Oprah Winfrey like it I don't know it just it was it was so blatantly like a celebration of queer culture with like grace jones voguing and stuff but um that's cool yeah yeah uh but i'm a cheerleader that would have to be in there that was that was a early days gay and that was eye-opening

Shout out to Jamie Babbitt directing that. Yes, Jamie Babbitt. Debs. Remember that? No, I'm writing that down. That was early days back in the day. A newer one, that Carol movie, that's got to go in there. Oh my God, Carol's got to be on there. I love Carol. Oh, and the one with the fog. There's always fog. The one with the fog. The one with a lot of fog, and they were like... The Irish actress. Yes. Emma, Emma Knight, Emma.

Yes. And I think SNL parodied it with a lot of longing glances. Yeah. A lot of that is a lot of tension. Yes. Anything Rachel Weisz too, like the favorite or. Yeah. That's sort of queer. Well, we'd have a documentary section. We'd put Tig's documentary in there, Tig. Yes. And come see me in the good light. I mean, while we're at it, do we just play all our stand-up specials?

All of our stand-up specials for the comedy part. That will be with But I'm a Cheerleader. Feel Good, One Mississippi, everything you've ever appeared in. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I feel like this is a pretty good festival so far. Yeah, this is pretty. This is a week-long festival. And then we'll have some gay.

guys movies too like uh the bird cage or something the bird cage oh my god what about this is burning that'll be part of the documentary my policeman um which was pretty good i thought with harry styles and oh oh yeah yeah that one i like that one It's funny, isn't it good though? That movie Bottoms, we gotta put that in there. Bottoms should be in there. That would be in the comedy section. Isn't it nice that like, well, when I was, yeah.

right at the important age of puberty and like realizing my feelings and stuff. the only queer content was so traumatic it was i know boys don't cry boys don't cry that's got to be in there but that was oh my god monster Like, yeah, it was heavy. It was like, oh, God. So many stories were so there was so much going on that was heavy, you know, that was happening. It was there's a lot of darkness.

I know. Before the light, you know. And still. And still, no. I might put that movie Monica in there with Trace Lissette. Oh, yeah. I haven't seen it, but. really beautiful that's a good festival i know i know i could go on forever i feel like we're all the non-queer people listening to this are like all right we get it well but some might check out some of these movies and they should they should like i love uh

Straight movies. They're all my favorite movies. Yeah, straight movies are great. So maybe you'll love a queer movie. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that your local radio station can dedicate a song to someone you care about on their special day. What's better than getting a shout out on your drive in to work?

Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Should we hear Margo's answer? Yeah, let's do. My favorites. I love watching.

queer films with my partner. Shout out to you, babe. And a few of our favorites are A League of Their Own, Fried Green Tomatoes, Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love, Desert Hearts. Mutt, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire. That's one I couldn't think of. How do I forget Leaving Their Own and Fried Green Tomatoes? Two of my favorite movies. I've never seen Fried Green Tomatoes. Fried Green Tomatoes is more gay coded.

yeah the book i think the had more uh more it was more on the nose than the movie but man the i i loved a movie back then about two ladies who you could tell really love each other yeah but they're like fighting it yeah i love it i want to see all i've never heard of mutt either i'm gonna watch yeah um thanks marga should we hear another question let's do it

Hello, handsome Tig, handsome Fortune, and handsome May. My name is Dominique from Columbus, Ohio, a city I think you should really heavily consider for your next live show. Just wanted to throw that out there. It would be a good place for you. Here's my question. If you were to create a children's television show, what would your show be about?

Oh, May, I feel like this is your wheelhouse. Did both of these questions, have you seen me light up? No, you're beaming over there. Yeah, because I actually, the past few days, every day I've said out loud to a different person, I want to make a kid's TV show.

show and I think you should I think I should yeah like with all magical animals and like so my idea of fortune and like i'm worried by talking about it i'm gonna suck the energy out of it but it's like well don't give all of it away okay okay Okay, broad strokes, because I don't know the story yet, but instead of working towards my next stand-up special, I'm thinking about a live kids special. Oh, like how John Mulaney did the sack?

lunch kit bunch sack bunch lunch kids or whatever oh that was kind of like a sesame street type it was like um you should watch it just to kind of see i remember that how this is more because it was a good format yeah so this would be filmed live in a theater and it would be me telling one

story one epic story but it has songs in it like with a full band on stage and it's got puppets oh yeah puppets acted out and i interact with the puppets and with the kids and i'm like telling the story and i think it's i want to base it on this children's book that my dad wrote about like the stuffed animals I had growing up. Like, Oh yeah. These wicked characters. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Your imagination lends itself to that kind of fanciful world. I feel like.

I'm like silly. That's where my inner child comes through, but I don't have the, you know, I'm not creating these worlds in my head that you do. I think it's like a British whimsical thing that my dad imparted on me. It was like a lot of like Narnia. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's what kids love are these like worlds that are.

made up my friend Chris Colfer wrote this whole series of books like um that he just created this world uh that of these kids books that people love and i just can't imagine coming up with these kind of things i want to read those and i want to one day meet chris colfer because oh yeah i'm a huge fan oh i didn't know that i'll have to get him to ask a question he's The loveliest of people. I will happily introduce you. And what?

He's recently got ripped. Not to objectify him, but I want to ask him about his arm regime. All right. Yeah. Maybe we could all have dinner or something. Yeah. I really...

Yeah, I feel... He would love it. He's one of the nicest people ever. He seems like it, yeah. So, yeah, I think we go with your idea. My idea would... I've tried to create an animated show. I actually had a... animated idea that got bought that we were paid to write the pilot for. I wrote it with this really fantastic writer and they had an animator do all the characters.

And I was like so pumped about it. I thought it was some of my best work. But, you know, it came at a time where the people, the company that bought it, the. their whole department folded the whole channel folded. Yeah. And then, you know, to try to take an idea that started to involve and resell it is not the easiest, but, um, it was such a cool um it was based on my life but not like but very broad also my co-writer's life as well and um i was really proud of it and it had it was

such a and seeing the like animated versions of it oh did you got that far to actually yeah we wrote we wrote the pilot and that they they animated they drew we had a really talented um animator draw all the the main characters and made like this look book that was really cool

that's amazing so i i think that would have been a cool thing and you never know maybe it will pop back around someday yeah all those things they never go anywhere yeah let's hear um dominique's answer for me i would want it to be about

pop art and music, specifically from the 80s, 90s era. But I would want it to be in a peewee's playhouse style of way where the kids would not only see the pictures and hear the music but actually get to be a part of it so they could jump into the music and ride the notes to see the notes that make up the song be a part of the music videos bringing in images from

Takashi Murakami and Andy Warhol so that they could see the brush strokes and see every little part of the picture and really get to be a part of the art. Yeah. whoa that's very creative huh very i'm trying to visualize it so it's like a video of art being created and there's it there's music and the kids can kind of She said ride the notes. Ride the notes. Is it animated? It feels like it. I don't want to pin.

dominique down or make her like yeah it sounds wildly creative and good it feels like maybe I need to act fast because it feels like everyone's being inspired by this Pee Wee documentary. Oh, right. Everyone's going to pitch their own Pee Wee's Playhouse and I got to move quick. Well, because, you know, some people just have that. That gift of just creating like such unique, whimsical things. And he certainly did. So, you know, other people were like, wait, why am I not doing that? Yeah.

Yeah, mine's more reality-based. But mine was set in the 90s, though. I do agree with her of that time period because I like the nostalgia of that time period and the less tech and more imagination. A hundred percent. It's hard. So storytelling with all the tech that we have now, now it feels cold or it's easier to tell a story where people don't know where you are all the time. And there's, yeah.

The days of leaving your house and not coming back till nighttime and playing and being ridiculous and silly. Those are the simpler days. I was back home recently. was driving around my little hometown and it just made me think about me as a kid and walking home from school and just like what a innocent time it felt like. Yeah, we've got to cultivate those times, but it takes real discipline. All I do is fantasize about going for a week somewhere, leaving my phone at home with a friend.

Yeah. It's like, I think you'd need like a real detox and there'd be like real withdrawal at first. I see you doing that in like a Joshua Tree situation. That would be great, but I am severely addicted. I need someone there holding me accountable, like taking my phone away from me. Yeah. Well, this is a pleasure. Yeah. Fun times. I love these questions. Me too. They're exactly what I want to talk about, actually. Yeah. What do you have coming up?

Fortunate aside from your birthday. My birthday is around the corner on July 1st. That's exciting. I don't have any plans and that's all good with me. Everyone's like, why do you not have any plans? I'm like, not even worried about it. Yeah. I'm headed to Lincoln, California. actually this evening. That's my Sacramento stop, the casino at Thunder Valley. And then... July is pretty late for me. I'm just doing Edmonton in Canada with Mateo Lane.

And then nothing till Spokane, Washington. July and August, I'm kind of taking it easy and I'm pretty stoked about that. Me too. Oh, and I'm going to do Pride in Iceland. No. Yeah, I'm so stoked for that in August, early August. What? That's incredible. I cannot wait. Have you been? never been okay we'll talk about it another all right yeah it's the best place okay whoa and i'm also it's yeah the summer's really light for me so just check out uh maymartinmusic.com i've got uh

two new songs out right now. And, you know, music dates pop up. But other than that, yeah, just check out Feel Good on Netflix or anything like that. Oh, yeah, my season two of Food Bar is out on Netflix, too. Yes. Yeah, binge that. I'm an action star, baby. Yes, you are. And also keep sending your questions to speakpipe.com slash handsomepod. Please. We love them. Do it. You guys are the best. Thank you for sending your questions. And all that remains is to keep it pretty handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsome. pod. That was a hate gum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

Like you know to check that when you're giving a photo as a gift, you also gift a matching picture frame that goes nicely with the recipient's decor. Now that's a thoughtful gift. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company & Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.