This is a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you've got a good assortment of sparkling water options stocked in the fridge so that you have a mild hint of flavor that suits everything. Every moment of the day.
Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the pretty little episode, Handsome Pod. It's your buddy, Fortune Feimster here.
and your bud may martin and we're having the best day ever because we're together and that's all we need to make it through this life and we're gonna skip and jump and run over the rainbows run through the meadows like you're my wife like you're my wife that's it There's not many meadows in LA.
like isn't that kind of a british thing a meadow yeah there's a lot of meadows over there yeah across the pond yeah across the pond is such an annoying phrase when you think about it yeah right across the pond just a hop and a skip to London town. Do you ever hear from any British folks? Do they listen to the handsome pod? Yeah, well, when I went on tour there with the music, there were tons of handsome t-shirts in the crowd. Really? Yeah, really, really. And of course, Debbie came.
to the show that's right but she doesn't listen to the pod which i think is probably for the best that's for the best yeah oh man do you think there's anyone in japan who listens to the pod you know what This is a nice time for us to find out. If you live in Japan and you listen to the pod, let us know. Yeah, please let us know because I'll go there. Yeah, I would love to go to Japan. I'm desperate to actually because you know why, Fortune? Why? I feel like this might... intrigue you you know um
You know, cheese slices like Kraft Singles. I do know of these. Yes. Yes. So in Japan, apparently they have chocolate slices that are wrapped like cheese slices. And they're like kind of bendy like that. And they're like Kraft Singles, but chocolate. Every person I've heard who's been to Japan says the food's amazing. And then even going into like their 7-Eleven, whatever that is, is like the food's so good and fresh. And it makes me so curious to go.
I know. And everyone says that the people are great and you got like the crazy city and then there's these beautiful mountains and like, is it the cherry trees? Oh, cherry blossoms. Cherry blossoms. Yeah. Yeah. Pictures of that. So beautiful. Is it bad that I kind of judge people when they're like, I just want to see the cherry blossoms one time in Japan one day? I'm like.
Okay, what about other things though? That's it. I love trees in a weird way because when I was growing up, my grandmother... was kind of my chauffeur when I was in elementary school and junior high. And her big thing was trees. And so we would be driving and she would always like point out different trees and like tell me what kind of trees they were. And when she, my friends would be in the car, like she'd take us to practice and she'd be like, there's a cherry.
the cherry trees or here's a pear tree or all these different things. And so now I always notice trees because of her. That's so nice. I really like that. You'll have that your whole life. Yeah. Because if you don't... If you forget to notice them, but once you start noticing them, you're like, oh, they're everywhere and they're so beautiful. My first house I bought, I bought because they had these two giant, beautiful trees.
and uh reminded me of my grandmother that's really nice and it ended up being like my that will forever be my like home in my heart oh that first home that you bought yeah yeah yeah Well, I just saw a thing on Instagram. I guess I follow a lot of witches who do spells. And I saw a thing on Instagram that was like, if someone's wronged you, just tell the trees and they will.
get revenge through the tree it was like whisper the name to a tree and then tell them injustice has been done and then the tree will through the network to each other yes and it was like just the trees network yeah never heard that but i guess i don't i don't think i follow any witches on instagram so maybe that's your first part of it yeah you follow a bunch of witches just because you are intrigued by that world
yeah and i'm really i'm looking for shortcuts and i should be going to therapy twice what are the shortcuts though like spells if they could if they could just make a spell i'll get over this heartbreak or whatever it is Let me do the work. Yes, exactly. Like for instance, I have this, I have four candles, yellow, white, black, and red. And then I follow this one, which will be like, Oh, this is a spell for like stepping into your power. And it's like,
light the red candle and say these words and write it down and fold the paper over. I know it's probably nothing, but there's also some power in like vocalizing out loud. Like I think words are powerful and. Yeah, so I'm doing some spells sometimes. Not like love spells on people, but more like self-help spells. Healing yourself spells. Yeah, because we're powerful.
i know we're powerful but also guess what's powerful your mind yes they say mind over matter well i think i can train your brain to do some powerful things right oh totally yeah we shape our realities yeah maybe I told you this already or said it on the pod but sometimes I'll scroll past something and I just accept everything as like potentially true and i there was this picture of a horse and it was like it's beautiful close-up of the horse's eye and it was like
Every time you look in a horse's eye, you're looking into a mirror of the parts of you that need love the most. And I was like, huh? Yeah. And then I scrolled and I was like, wait a second. No, what? You're just looking at a horse. What do you mean? I do love that you're just like, yeah, that's got to be right. Yeah, got to be true. Set it on the picture. I don't think I've looked a lot of horses in the eye, truth be told. That's me neither. God, Tick pointed that out and now.
Oh, truth be told. Yeah. I really didn't realize I said that as much as I do. I never noticed till she said it either. Yeah. But it takes to observe it. Very observant. And it'll come out. Right at the right moment. I was scrolling through my TikTok the other day and someone had posted. tigs um taylor dane story from this american life oh it's so good and i just sat and watched it was like a four-part tiktok i just watched the whole thing
Well, I just watched and shared the video of you and you and Ginger on stage talking about gay awakenings. Oh, yeah. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, my God. It's so funny. Like her her comic timing. She's very funny. she she gets the assignment and she loves the stage loves attention yeah she was cracking me up Her friend that wouldn't go to Brokeback Mountain with her because her hair is too short. Her friend would not. Back in the day, she told this story where.
She wanted to go see Brokeback Mountain and her friend wouldn't go because people would think they were gay. Because her hair was too short. I love that. I was like, that is the wildest thing I've ever heard. Yeah. Should we hear? Yeah, let's dive into some questions. Yeah, let's get some questions. Hello, handsome pod. My name is Zirdan, and I am five years old. And my question for you is, have you ever gotten in trouble at school before?
oh my god that is so cute that is the best that's our first question from a five-year-old for sure that was that made my day yeah me too me just that little five-year-old voice
Hi, handsome, I have a question. That's my five-year-old voice. What a little dreamboat. I'm scared that I can't share the... the things that i got in trouble for like i wanted to be you probably got in trouble quite a bit right oh my god let's just go with that first but i was never rude or loud or like i just was i wouldn't show up or i wouldn't do my homework yeah or
I mean, I had a crush on my grade six teacher, Miss Garrow. Obviously. I've been trying to find her ever since, Melanie Garrow. Never found her. Anyway, she was an incredible teacher. I had not done my homework nine times in a row. And so she said that she would, like every time I didn't do the homework, I'd have to meet her after class.
to do the homework like at lunch or whatever. Oh, you did it on purpose. Well, then I was like, okay. And then because I loved hanging out with her. You're like, now we're talking some one-on-one time. Exactly. And she would sometimes bring like a chocolate bar or something if I did good. Like it was great. So yeah.
not doing homework was big and then getting into shame spirals and a web of lies of being like, at one time I gaslit. Like I was like, I did hand it in. I said, I put it in your hand. And the woman was like, no, you didn't. And I was like, I don't, I was like, I don't know what's going on here. You have it in for me. How old are you?
13 wow I was like I literally put it in your hand she was like what are you talking about I think I stuck with it to the point that she was like wait when like in the when in the hall i guess maybe you could have put that teacher in therapy that's fucked up Because that was before people really understood what gaslighting was. I know, I would know. She was like, this kid just, I know that this did not happen the way they're saying.
so what about you you didn't i was so good i was such a rule follower i have been a rule follower my whole life should we meet up and break a rule what's that we should meet up and just break some rules even if that's little things jaywalk i don't even know if i can i don't know if i have it in me i i mean i did get in trouble at times i would say if i ever got like a fuss that it would have been for talking
too much yeah um or like trying to crack jokes i think i did give a kid the middle finger when i was in first grade whoa in first grade Oh my God. Because I had two older brothers. So I would just like see things they did and not really realize what I was doing. You at six flipping the bird to some other kid is so good. What do you think they did to piss you off? I don't know, but that was wild. Yeah. When I was in high school, I used to flip my brothers off and be like, Mom, Price.
me the bird and she's like price and i'm like no way and then you do it back yeah and i would be behind her flipping them off some more oh my god oh my god they did like cheeky stuff like that but um
At school, I was very dialed in. Straight A's for a long time. You were there to learn. Some B's every now and then. Perfect attendance. I had perfect attendance from... seventh grade through uh till college oh my god and in college i only missed two um i only missed two classes for like no reason and then i had to miss some classes for tennis
um but i was such i was such a good kid student all the things holy perfect attendance is really hard to do i was like i remember being in elementary school and that that school went all the way up to to grade 13 or whatever and and i knew that like in grade seven you were allowed to leave the premises for lunch you know within a two block radius and then come back and you'd get your like
five bucks from your parents. And I was like, as soon as I am allowed to do that, like, you better believe I'm skipping class. I'm going further afield. I'm going to get on the subway and go downtown. I probably could have gotten in trouble at times in high school.
I've talked about this before when I did the morning announcements. Oh my god, the morning announcements. Hi y'all, we're going to go to Mr. Smith's class at 3 o'clock. Make sure you have your chess boards if you want to go join the chess club. Well, we would leave all the time to go to different restaurants around town to like grab breakfast. And like, by all accounts, we should have gotten in trouble. But because I was such a good student and I was very charming.
And all the teachers really loved me because I really love them. Yeah. Everyone was just like, ah. what are we gonna say see that's the way to hack the system and that's what i never understood and should i i all the tea i was in tight with all the teachers yeah i should have done well enough when i i would talk to them like we were all old friends oh i thought i fully thought my teachers were my equals and friends
Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check if your favorite teacher from when you were growing up still remembers you. Write your old teachers a letter and let them know how much they meant to you.
Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Northbrook, Illinois. My senior year, I was like, hey, bud, what's up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I had, again, my oldest brother was almost seven years older than me.
So I was used to talking with older people. So I would just chat with my teachers when I was in high school, like we were friends, like college friends. You got to. But I also, my senior year, we had like all these teachers that were like 22. yeah and 23 so they were fun i was like i want to i want to be friends with these teachers wait i just realized that we get to hear the answer of this sweet little okay zerdan
And I accidentally ripped a Pete the Cat book. Okay. Okay, listen. The key word there is accidentally. Like, you should not get in trouble if it's an accident. See where he has the excuses ready. No, seriously. Don't hold on to that. What was the cat book? Textbook? What was this? Pete the cat book. Pete the cat book? I don't know what that is, but I'm going to be looking into it. Maybe the Pete the cat book was accidentally ripped.
That's what it sounds like. But I don't think that you should have gotten in trouble. And I think that, if anything, your enthusiasm for the book probably ripped it. And it's great to be enthusiastic about books. It sure is. Sometimes books get ripped. Yeah. If I was your teacher, I'd go, huh, there's a learning moment here. Glad you're reading. I'd say sometimes we love things so much that we hurt them by accident. Should we hear another question? Yeah.
Hi, this is Lee from Black Mountain, North Carolina. My question is, if there was a sitcom about you, what would the title and the premise be? Oh, my God. Fellow North Carolinian. Shout out. I was just in North Carolina visiting my folks. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was nice. My parents have been divorced 30 years and I'll never. not enjoy having i had breakfast with the two of them and it is a treat oh man that is nice yeah um a sitcom based on your life feel good i know you're like i've done it
It'll be called Feel Good and it'll be a comedy drama for sure. You came up on my TikTok too. I did? Yeah. feel good clips of feel good oh nice your hair was so blonde it was so blonde and also my jeans were so skinny and my uh eyebrows were quite thin i didn't notice that about your eyebrows But I watched that whole series. Was that pandemic times? It was. Yeah. Thanks, man. Yeah, it was great.
what would yours be would it be a pun on fortune sick i like that she said sitcom it's like a it's very like mine's already been done it's called the golden girls yeah that would be my dream though when i'm like 80 Or I don't know how old they were, but let's say 70. Yeah. At that point, you're just like in caftans with your friends eating cheesecake. That's not a bad life. It's not bad. Yeah, I'd watch that sitcom. Yeah.
So maybe it would be a pun. It would be like Wheel of Fortune or something. Are you picking up Biggie right now or just touching him? This is Biggie. Yeah, he's being squirrely right now. Oh, I saw you. He'd be in the show for sure. And you guys would have a theme song. I'll get you some more. He's huffing and puffing in the mic. Say hi to everybody. Can we hear him in the mic? Can we see if we hear that? You can hear his licking his lips. I can hear him panting.
and get you some water baby bear oh my god no is it a sick are we saying um a sitcom that's already been done or what would the sitcom be what would it be like mine might be like making it right but it's spelled m-a-e and the theme song's like making it right making it wrong sometimes you gotta just get along and it's me like walking down the street
Yeah. What would yours be? Yeah. Fortune would definitely have to be in the title. Yeah. Like, like my special good fortune or something like that. You're not going to get a better name than that. That's a great name. And it's something about like my, you know, trying to be a good, but like she's always.
quirky and just a hair off yeah you know like um kind of like everybody loves raymond but good in that vein of like yeah and your your parents would be at characters in it and maybe um you'd have a wacky neighbor they're divorced but friends and yes they're really involved in my life too much and my mom's always like trying to give me advice and it's terrible advice and I'm like mom
Your mom would get a round of applause from the studio audience every time she walked in. Yeah, she'd be a big character in this series. Yeah. I actually sold a sitcom based on my life. Did you? Loosely. Yeah. And we filmed it for ABC back in the day. It was called Family Fortune. A pilot? Yeah, it was a pilot. Tina Fey was a producer. What? With Robert Carlock, who they did 30 Rock, you know, together.
It was really great. It was a great pilot. I co-wrote it with Matt Hubbard, also 30 Rock writer, and also created Loot on Apple, that Maya Rudolph show, right? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And yeah, this was 2015. And I played a teacher, a PE teacher, who in the pilot episode comes out to her... uh southern parents is gay um annie potts played my mom oh my god uh from designing women i know you and tig we're not i don't know any women folks uh this amazing actor john carol lynch played my dad it was such a fun i mean i'm biased but i thought it was such a fun show um
Where can I watch this? Do you have it still? No one will never see the light of day. We filmed it. It was great, but they did not pick it up. Can we have a secret screening of it? I probably have a DVD of it somewhere. I'll have to find it.
a dvd but you know it's sitcom-y so there's yeah yeah like funny they're funny jokes but it's also got that like want want kind of feeling too but i like that just annie potts playing my mom was like unbelievable her name was ginger and everything no way yeah one thing i love is um the comeback with lisa kudrow oh yeah i just love the way they parody sitcoms and like she is a
an ex sitcom star who gets a part on another sitcom they do all that thing yeah the studio audience laughing i'm developing stuff all the time but i've been thinking about taking another swing at a life story you know loosely based it's not it's it's very made up as well yeah um but it would be more in the vein of like a dramedy now yeah i think that's i think there's an appetite for that now people want yeah a sprinkling of
trauma in there. Well, I think that, I think they more want things to feel real. Yeah. People are craving like authenticity. I think. Yeah, exactly. Should we hear Lee's answer? Yeah. The answer to my question is the title to my sitcom would be Say What? And the premise would be every episode I have some weird... awkward or inappropriate exchange with a family member or a friend. Say what? Say what? I love it. Do you remember, is it best in show or?
One of those movies where Fred Willard has a catchphrase that's, what happened? What happened? Oh, yeah. It was one of those Christopher Guest movies. Yeah. What happened? Yeah, what happened? A Mighty Wind, maybe? Yeah, maybe it was a Mighty Wind. Yeah, yeah. Amazing. God, Best in Show is so good. All those movies hold up so well. I gotta go back and watch that movie again. It's so genius. I'm waiting for Guffman. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, I was just watching the last of us last night and Catherine O'Hara is amazing in it. Oh yeah. Yeah. And Bella, who was asked the question of the handsome pod. Yes. Oh yeah. Bella asked like about early, early days. biting tinfoil or something it was like would you rather bite tinfoil or yeah um all right well this has been a true joy yes it has may if you uh want to ask us any questions you never know which pair of us you'll get
And that's the fun of it. But we'd love to hear from you. You can go to speakpipe.com slash handsome. Ask any question you want. You could also ask for advice. Pretty good at that, too. And yeah, we just love hearing from you guys and love what this brings up for us because we never know what's going to be asked. It's a little jaunt down memory lane.
Sometimes. And then other times I go, I never thought about that. Yeah. Interesting. I mean, now I'm going to be Googling Pete the cat. Yeah. Pete the cat. But yeah, spread the word, send your questions. And until then. Keep it. Keep it. Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. And please follow us on social media at handsomepod.
What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you've got some coasters to protect the surface of that beautiful new coffee table you just paid way too much money for. It's important to respect the wood.
Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.