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Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Pretty little episode. Welcome to a pretty little episode of the Handsome Pod. I'm one of your hosts, Mae Martin, joined by the handsome... Tig Notaro. It's me, Mae. It's me!
Hey. Hey. I see you're still in Toronto. Yep. Still here. Still here in my parents' basement. Oh, you're at your parents? Not in this moment, but I sleep in their basement. Yeah. And they have a Murphy bed. And they love that Murphy bed, man. I love a Murphy bed. You don't like a Murphy bed? No, I love it too, but not the way they love it. They are just electrified. Tell me. We unfolded the Murphy bed, and when you're not here, we fold it up. Well, isn't that just...
letting you know that the Murphy bed is down or up. Is that really truly a love affair with a Murphy bed? It's the look on their face that they are electrified. Let me see the look. It's like that. And is it comfortable, the Murphy bed? It's super comfortable, and it's like a sensory deprivation chamber down there in the basement. It's like no light, no sound, and just kind of...
On the wall, they have framed my shiatsu massage diploma, their proudest moment. I forgot about that. Yeah, yeah. Is that... Your choice that you sleep in the basement on the Murphy bed? Is there another room? Is this the house you grew up in? No, they only got it like 15 years ago.
it's it's the only it's the only room i think i could get a hotel but it feels it's been nice i've been in toronto like once a month doing this edit and it's it's been nice eating home-cooked food and like you know talking about the murphy bed my dad oh my god he's such a good cook what's his specialty british food so roasts and um but he'll like a nice piece of fish that he'll just cook it so well and he does like roasted broccoli
That is really nice. I'm not making it sound good, but he really is. Listen, I am a huge broccoli fan. Me too, Tig. And isn't it crazy how when you roast it, Tig, it... Yes, mate. It takes on a whole new flay of tang. Roasting will do that. Yeah. And then are you, do you enjoy cauliflower? Yes, I love it. Yes, okay. love cauliflower we have found a common A common ground? Yeah, a common ground, like a food. Yeah, finally we can talk. No, I just, I feel like broccoli gets such a bad rap.
You know, maybe it's just for children that maybe I'm just hanging out in the world of small children. I mean, my kids like broccoli, but I do feel like people are like, eh. Like I was just at a dinner a few nights ago, and part of the dinner was broccoli. And I looked around.
So many people push their broccoli to the side. Are you serious? Come on, guys, grow up. And I was going to say, and these were adults. And I truly wanted to be like, can I have your broccoli? Like, are you really not going to eat to me? That is yum-yum stuff. It's the classic veg. And also... I feel like now in restaurants and stuff, like you're, you never get just a side of broccoli. It's always broccolini or like something special. I just want your standard brock. I want like.
I don't have a problem with broccolini. I'll be honest with you. You have a hang up on broccolini? No, I like it too, but I love a hearty head of brocc. Yeah. Do you like it raw? Ever? Sure. Sure. I have it raw. Yeah. You don't care. You just want your broccoli. Yeah. Yeah. And then now Russell Sprout's very trendy in restaurants. Oh, yes. Yeah, roasted sprouts. And have we talked about this, but the majority of the nutritional content is in the stem of broccoli?
okay that rings a bell but it's all it's blown my mind again if that's if you've already told me that that's crazy because you'd think that the darkest green would be it's not true it is the yeah it's the stem there so eat your broccoli stems Eat your broccoli stems. Yes, marn and fruit. Is that what you were referencing, is marn and fruit? I think I wrote a hit song. I think you did, too. I've had people...
come up to me after shows and sing your song about morning fruit. Wow. And then speaking of hit songs, How's your music going? Oh, thanks. Good, thanks. Yeah, I got two new songs coming out actually soon. Coming out? Like in June, and it would be like a deluxe edition of the album that I already... I think this is the way they do it to trick you into thinking the album sales have been better. They go, oh, buy the album again with these two new songs.
I shouldn't be saying this, but anyway, they're two more recent songs. Okay, so you did write them after. It wasn't something you held on to and then later... decided to release no i wrote them after yeah i'm loving writing music right now and is there anything um that inspired these two new songs well they're kind of breakup-y songs but not necessarily about my breakup just
general but then the other day god i hope they're not about my breakup they're about your no no no i was playing the piano the other day and i thought god i'm I'm really playing a beautiful song and then I realized it was the song Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. And I was just stealing it. And you were literally playing a beautiful song. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, wow. It's called beautiful. I know. And it was, that song was written by, um, Linda Perry. Yes. See, we're, we're.
common ground today broccoli and linda perry that's right linda perry lives in my neighborhood and i uh yeah yeah we shuffle maybe she moved uh because her i think she had a breakup song in her life a few years ago so maybe um yeah when she and sarah gilbert split i think sarah stayed in the neighborhood and linda
Linda hit the road. Maybe. I don't know. I'm making that up. My apologies, Linda and Sarah, if anybody's listening or if anyone knows them. I will tell you an awkward thing that happened. Stephanie recently said, I saw this very beautiful home for sale. online. And she said, after we drop Max and Finn, would you have any interest in driving past it? Not like we're looking to move or anything. And she said, I think it's the most beautiful home I've ever seen. I said sure.
We drop off our little cubs. We go find the house. It is 8 in the morning. And we pull into a cul-de-sac. and who is pulling out of the driveway of the most beautiful home is Sarah Gilbert. No. And I think she saw us, we saw her, and it was just this awkward feeling of like, good morning, Sarah. You know, like we know her, but we don't know her well enough to where we've been to her home.
um yeah it was so i don't know if i can quite explain the awkwardness of that early in the morning being trapped on a on a cul-de-sac just with early morning lesbians not knowing quite why yeah maybe she was like oh maybe taking and um and uh stephanie are interested in my home But that all goes back to Linda Perry. I feel like Sarah stayed in the neighborhood, and Linda, now that I think about it, I probably haven't seen her in the past year.
I would, if I left my house at 8am and I saw you and Stephanie parked in a car across the street like vultures. I would be like... No, we weren't parked in the car across the street. We were just looping around the cul-de-sac. Okay, okay, okay. I would explain away. Tig, would you ever like... Do you ever get inspired to write poetry? Like, do you have a sort of notebook in your bag and you might write down ideas, but then also once in a while you'd write down a little...
A couple lines of poetry? I used to write poetry when I was a kid, you know, when I was a teen in my early 20s. that whole time. And boy, I've come across those poems. And I don't think that's my strength. Right. I don't. I would love if you ghost wrote a song for me. Like you send me the lyrics. Well, what about Mornin' Fruit? Would you release Mornin' Fruit?
And do I have to do the accent? Of course. Yeah. Of course. When I release it, I think you could sell it to an ad company and make a billion bucks. That's like an ad for... I don't know, oranges or something. Okay, anyone listening that you need a jingle that goes a little like Martin and Fred? Marn and Frit. Don't forget to eat your Marn and Frit. Go on, chime in. That rendition was so good. I'm one of the best out there. One of the all-time great.
I'm not a poem writer. Here, you say a line and then I'll do the rhyming couplet. Okay, I love a couplet. A line of poetry. Okay. Sometimes I think of you... But then I remember the things you do. Ah, say. Yeah. And is that the end? Yep. That's like a haiku. That's a breakup haiku. I'll be honest. That is the first line of a poem of mine from my childhood that I came across where I said, sometimes I think of you. But then again, I always do.
Wait, that's beautiful. Why are you second guessing yourself? That's so much better than because there's something. So nice about being like, sometimes, and then the reveal is always. Always. You're always on my mind, as Willie Nelson once said. Yeah. Should we hear what our listeners want to know? I think we should. That will make this whole episode make sense.
Hi, Handsome Pod. My name is Kamala. I am a middle school music teacher. And my question for you is, I'd like you to think back to your middle school years, think like ages 11 to 14, and share one really positive thing that came out of those years. I know there's probably a lot of negative things that come to mind for obvious reasons.
But speaking as someone who deals with middle schoolers all day, every day, there is actually a lot of joy and positivity in those years as well. Bonus question. What is something you thought was really fashionable or like a funny hairstyle that you now look back on and think, what was I thinking? Middle school teachers, that's doing the Lord's work. Truly though. Yeah. I mean, any teacher, whether it's like even a, you know, daycare, elementary, junior high, high school.
college like swim instructors when i sit you know my kids learn to swim at their school yeah and I cannot, I mean, all the kids talking, laughing, you know, kind of floating away and not paying attention, and the teachers that are so patiently... wrangling everyone and keep I'm just like
How do you do what you do? How? I know. I mean, think about how exhausted we are after we, like, a show and have a meeting in a day and these people are on their feet teaching hordes of children like it's unreal Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you've hoisted the mainsail and all other sails that need hoisting when embarking on a long sea voyage.
Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. at middle school shepherding people through puberty and oh my god yeah wow That was a very visceral time for me. Yeah. Those are the worst times of my life.
Maybe me too. You know, if I can cheat a little bit here and just bump it up a year and get me into high school. I'll say that my vice principal saved my life. Really? Saved my life. Yeah, I think you mentioned this person who just kind of saw you. Yeah, yeah. And I wrote about her. I was asked to write.
what is it, Richard Pryor's book, his book was reissued and his family asked me to write a little something beforehand and somewhere in there I talked about my vice principal because she yeah as you said saw me took an interest didn't just um when i was in trouble or sent to the office didn't just discipline me and then Yeah, she could tell someone was going on. Yeah, she just really took time and investigated what was going on with me.
And it kind of made me realize like, wow, there was a lot going on here. And I haven't talked to her in a couple of years, but we've. remained in contact here and there. I feel very, very lucky. I'm thinking what's coming to my mind is Mrs. Silver, my music and drama teacher. Yeah, I was a wreck in middle school and kind of... kind of bullied, but I had one friend called Laura.
I mean, I had lots of friends, but she and I would get, like, hysterical after fits in a way that I never have since, like, where we thought we were going to die. And there was one day where... First of all, she peed herself in the snow.
trying to maybe we'll bleep out her last name but she was laughing so hard that she and she sat down in the snow and i was like we gotta go we gotta get to class we were crying laughing about like about nonsense yeah yeah sure and she was like i can't and then eventually stood up and there was a yellow patch in the snow but anyway that
And then we had to wash our tights. And you didn't eat that snow, did you? I did not eat that snow. People definitely are getting the word out not to eat yellow snow. Yes, one million percent. We went to music class.
Yeah, I was in a lot of trouble all the time, never did my homework, always getting kicked out or suspended. So we were in music class and this hysteria took over and we could not stop. And I always remember Mrs. Silver was like one of the only teachers who found us funny and was like... reluctantly disciplining us but was like found us kind of funny yeah on that particular day She just went, mate, and Laura, just go in the hall and laugh until you're done laughing.
like she wasn't mad she was just like if you guys need to just go get this out yeah yeah yeah yeah we just went and sat outside the classroom and laughed and it was just so nice Carla Silver. We were in touch a little bit. I think a couple emails, but if she's listening. She really was great, like encouraging me to do music and stuff too. Carla? Carla. Oh, that's nice. Carla Silver. She was kind of a rebel in the school. Like it was an Anglican private school.
I don't know, I could tell she was sort of misunderstood. She was a rebel. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Man, we see you rebels. We see you. And also, you know, as far as fashion, I think this might have been before your time, but... But I really don't know. I'm not the one sitting here in a flannel telling anybody about fashion. Um, were you at the bottom of your jeans or pants, you fold it over and then roll your pants up? Oh yeah. I mean, I still do that. Oh, you do. Okay. Okay. That was.
You were rolling. That was very popular in the 80s to do that, make it tighter and then flip it over. I guess my fashion thing was I had long hair in middle school for the only time in my life and it was slicked back into a ponytail and then I had two pieces just hanging down framing my face and I would put gel in them and they were like crispy. That's a good look. Should we hear Kamala's answer? Yeah, we should definitely hear that.
My thing that I took out of those years that was the best was I made my first real friends. Friends that I was like, these are my people, finally. like really connected. And I think my personality comes from those friendships in middle school. And bonus answer, I had a beautiful, sweet granola mom who just did not tell me that I needed to be wearing a bra. So I was flopping around for way too long.
Looking forward to hearing your answers. Well, she came to the right to host about flopping around. I didn't wear a bra until... I should have been wearing one and I wore like a crossbody bag so the strap would go between my pointy little boobs and they would just be... Oh god, yeah. Where are your boobs these days? Probably... Near the dumpster that yours are in. Okay. Well, because mine, you know, they hold on to for tumor reasons. Do they? No, they don't.
Probably not my full on boobs, but like my tumors like are because I have to have these tests done every, you know, six months or so that can kind of. Tell the future if I'm going to have a cancer recurrence. Wow. Based on the tumor. The old tumors. So my tits are actually not in a dumpster like we've joked. They're in a fridge somewhere. Yeah, they're definitely, they're in a TED fridge.
It was pretty good. Yeah. Do you know where yours go? I have no idea. I hope they burn them. I don't know. Or donated them to someone. They're still smoking.
I liked what Kamala said about like that's sort of the first time that you really are choosing your friends because in elementary school you're kind of like friends of the people in your class and you all have to go to every birthday party and yeah in middle school you're like more discerning uh-huh yeah that's gonna be interesting When my kids start, because already in their school, yeah, everybody was friends with everyone and everyone's pretty much still friends with everyone.
But they're starting to really lock into, no, this is my vibe, this person. Yeah. What do we got? What's next? Hi Handsome! I am Nina from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. And my question is, do you have any superstitions that you abide by rigorously? If so, where did it come from and who taught you that? We were just talking about Rio de Janeiro. That is crazy. Yes, yes, yes. Talk about superstitious. I don't know. I don't know if this is superstitious. I mean, maybe you can tell me.
But Stephanie gives me such a hard time about this. But when she's always the last in bed. Yeah. And when she gets in bed. I always ask her to crack the bathroom door a little bit and crack the bedroom door a little bit. Why? It's not superstitious. I guess I'm answering it incorrectly. No, it's like, that counts kind of. It makes you feel calm. I feel safe. Like, I like... It also, I think it...
originated from not wanting light in when I'm sleeping and also so the cats can go in and out. So I like for the doors to be as closed as possible. But so Kitty City can make their rounds into the bathroom, out of the bedroom, and wherever they might need to go. Yeah. But with the bedroom door... I like to have a book as a doorstop so the door doesn't, you know, open more, that it just stays cracked enough for a kitty to go in and out. Okay. And that way also... I would know.
If somebody had come into our room at night. Right. Because, yeah, if the door is open and the book has slided back, then somebody has come in that's bigger than a kitty. Okay, I like that. That counts. I think that's like a sort of... habitual thing that you do to feel safe and sure yeah sure what about like are you walking under ladders and stuff or what or you don't care yeah I don't care about that stuff I'll walk under a ladder I'll yeah I don't
I don't, um, you don't walk under a ladder? No, I'm like, I'm not going to risk it. I'm not toasting with water either. I'm not cheersing with water. That's bad luck. Oh, is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. And I, wow, I didn't know. Why is that bad? I don't know. Maybe because water is so lame and boring to me. No, I don't know. I don't know. I think it's like...
I don't know. Yeah, but also if I see a penny, I'm picking it up, even though that's probably gross. But I have to do my 10 push-ups before every show. That counts. And I kind of say a prayer before every show. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. Can we know the prayer? It's different every time, but it's like a pretty earnest moment. It's not to any particular deity, but it's just like a little calm moment. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's nice.
Should we hear what Nina has to say? Yes, please. Mine is that I cannot drink the water that is by my bedside. So if I wake up in the morning and there is still some water left from the evening before, it has to go to my plants or to my cat. Because it absorbed all of my dreams or nightmares from that land. honestly I do not remember being taught that I think I invented it. But it is a strict rule for me. No dream water ever.
I love listening to you guys. Come to Brazil someday. Oh, we have to go to Brazil and see Nina. I would love to. And also that there's more and more studies about water having a memory, like when being able to be a kind of conduit. like interesting yeah there's yeah yeah yeah like what people who are freezing water and with a thought or an intention and then when and then looking under a microscope and it's formed a picture of what they were
thinking or talking. I don't know. It's water's crazy. Where'd you hear about this? Well, you know, word on the street. Thanks, Nina. Yes, Nina. And listeners, don't forget to submit your questions. If you have one, don't be shy. Submit it to speakpipe.com.
slash handsome pod we love hearing from you we love the handsome community and we want to build it so tell your friends and um thanks for being such such a great crew truly yes real angels and um i don't know until next time what do you say we just uh we should probably just keep it pretty pretty handsome
Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media. and some pod. What a podcast! That was a HeadGum Podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.
Like you know to check that you remember to inflate your bike tires before hitting the trails for an extreme mountain biking session. Or a leisurely cycle through the wildflower fields, depending on your preference. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook,